Jsmurf
Nice to see you here and hearing from a man's view
When I read the thread, I want to tell u I also wonder why I marry my man..haha.. if i think you are doing more than him and yet get scolded. However, if we keep seeing as if the world coming to an end, then, there's no end in comparison. I admire you for coming to this forum and take the 1st step. Keep it up and u will have our support. Take it as if we can't make our man a better man, we hope you will be a better man from this site.
As for my hubby, he does help up with our baby's bath, feeding, sterilizing, patting to sleep, carrying, medical appointments and changing. However, I often think he does not help much becos i dun get to see it consistently done. Smtx he does it when I show my frustration. I often complain to him tat all he cares is watching TV and playing computer games (at one stage). Then of course, he will say he has to work (bearing in mine I'm nt a SAHM). The only consistent thing he does is patting my son to sleep every nite cos i really do not have the strength to carry his weight for long.
For me, my frustration started (which I'm nt sure if your wife perceive this way too) when i told my husband to spend time reading books about caring for babies even b4 birth. But he told me he does nt like reading and knws wat to do. As a result, he end up doing things the wrong way and i've to tell him wat is right (which smtx man then thinks the woman is perfectionist). If both you and your wife handle/discuss the baby from the same source (thru books or course, etc), I'm sure it will nt end up different handling techniques. So my smart clever hubby will then stand by, sit by or participate along to watch hw I do it since he lazy to read.
Hence, for bathing and changing, both of us bath baby tog when there's opportunity. Then i will dry n change baby while he empty the bath tub and clear the stuff. I guess it's this little helping hands that we need or hope to see (even if the man can't really do it). Hopefully, along the way, he learns the trade and practice makes perfect. Maybe your wife wants you to be participating with her and the baby to feel like being a family rather than both of you walking your own path in achieving the family needs, ie. you earn the money while she run the family. Try doing the same things together. Even if you cant be her hands, you can be her legs
or even asking her if she needs help.
I often get frustrated when having to handle sthg alone, esp when the baby cry. Trust me, no joke, and you do nt knw how mad the woman can be running around to multi-task, while u r at work. Hence, when u r back, what she needs most is your love n presence to be beside her helping or alleviating some task. Dun gv up in learning if you think wat u do does nt meet her standard. Instead, ask her to show you how to, if she says you are nt doing right. She just want to be heard
Dun get angry for her taking away your child. She's just finding solace and by hugging the child, she can let down her stress too. Perhaps she really need hugs from you too. Just apologize to her for nt being a part of her burden (tho in our own definition, we all know we have done our best) in order for her to let down herself and make peace.
Remember, Man from Mars and Woman from Venus. That's why we are different! Good Luck and hope to hear more from u. And of course, if you wife can join us here as she become more relax with your help. Sori for this long mail...