Feeling so guilty towards my baby

kjaede

kjaede

New Member
Hi

I just want to vent and wonder if any mummies out there had the same problem

I breastfed my first girl (now 8yo) for 3.5 years.
7 months exclusively before starting her on dairy-free solids. I had oversupply and even donated some of my EBM.
I made ice-popsicles, milk treats, ice cubes with my EBM.
She only had her first taste of FM at 14 months old.

I just had a baby boy early feb 2015.
I breastfed him right from the start and hoped to do the same for him as I did for my girl. He was discharged with mild jaundice after 1 day in hospital.

When he was 3 days old, he was hospitalised again for phototherapy and they fed him FM while I dropped EBM to the nursery 3 times a day. His levels dropped and he was discharged.

I returned to full breastfeeding and his jaundice levels skyrocketed again. When his levels reached almost 300 when he was 10 days old, the doctor said to try FM and stop breastfeeding for 24 hours.

To my surprise, his jaundice levels dropped by 50% on the next test and he was more alert and his eyes stopped turning yellow. The doctor did a check on my blood group and baby's blood group and said it is probably because our blood groups clashed.

After that, we decided to continue with 2 bottle feeds a day and breastmilk for the rest of the day. His levels continued to drop and now he is in the safe level.

I can't help but cry and feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed exclusively and give him the same goodness as what I did for my girl. I have cried.
The guilt is overbearing as I am a staunch believer in breastfeeding.

My husband has been very supportive but I have to get over my own mind. I feel it is my fault I cannot breastfeed him fully

Anyone faced the same problem with the blood group clash?
 


My baby and I blood clash too. PD says as long bb follow daddy blood group and not mommy.. Jaundice will definitely be higher. Jaudine was pretty bad but recovered after 2 test in polyclinic. Take it easy ya.. as long bb healthy. . It doesn't matter if FM or BM was given. Looks like u r very pro BM so once bb is out of danger zone.. I am sure u can BM till ur desire period. I stopped BM after 1 mth as I can only pumped and not direct latch.. no time at all after cL left and she is on full fM till now at 7 mths. Happy and weighing good.

Cheer up ya..
 
kjaede said:
Hi

I just want to vent and wonder if any mummies out there had the same problem

I breastfed my first girl (now 8yo) for 3.5 years.
7 months exclusively before starting her on dairy-free solids. I had oversupply and even donated some of my EBM.
I made ice-popsicles, milk treats, ice cubes with my EBM.
She only had her first taste of FM at 14 months old.

I just had a baby boy early feb 2015.
I breastfed him right from the start and hoped to do the same for him as I did for my girl. He was discharged with mild jaundice after 1 day in hospital.

When he was 3 days old, he was hospitalised again for phototherapy and they fed him FM while I dropped EBM to the nursery 3 times a day. His levels dropped and he was discharged.

I returned to full breastfeeding and his jaundice levels skyrocketed again. When his levels reached almost 300 when he was 10 days old, the doctor said to try FM and stop breastfeeding for 24 hours.

To my surprise, his jaundice levels dropped by 50% on the next test and he was more alert and his eyes stopped turning yellow. The doctor did a check on my blood group and baby's blood group and said it is probably because our blood groups clashed.

After that, we decided to continue with 2 bottle feeds a day and breastmilk for the rest of the day. His levels continued to drop and now he is in the safe level.

I can't help but cry and feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed exclusively and give him the same goodness as what I did for my girl. I have cried.
The guilt is overbearing as I am a staunch believer in breastfeeding.

My husband has been very supportive but I have to get over my own mind. I feel it is my fault I cannot breastfeed him fully

Anyone faced the same problem with the blood group clash?
Click to expand...

Hi,

You feel guilty because you can't breastfeed your boy?? Then I must feel so so so....... guilty cause I started to give my girl FM right from the beginning....

To me BM is only good provided the mother eat healthy. Nowadays, FM is good also as it had other goodness that BM might not have. Actually, no matter whether is BM or FM, as long as the child grow up healthy, that's the important point.....Nobody can guarantee that children drinking BM will be definitely more healthy than drinking FM....... :)

Don't worry too much, k :)
 
Last edited:
To me, no matter FM or BM, so long the baby feeds on something. We are only bad IF we starve the babies! Like the rest said, FM nowadays have all the nutrients a baby might need.

*hugs*

Dont go down to the guilt trip so long ok. Think of your baby's health and well being. It's not just milk, it take more than that to nuture a baby. You'll be good!
 
Sometime among my peers i also feed a bit weird that i did not brestfeed. I never breastfeed for my 3 kids. But they are growing very well. Hardly or maybe sick once a year. Every time after injection they behave normally. So as long as they are healthy i think fm or bm are the same. Like some mummies reply as long we dont starve them its perfectly fine. I was doing own confinement for 3rd kid with no help and have to handle 2 more. I will go into depression if i still got to breastfeed cause i really too shag. You must stay a happy mother cause your kids can feel it. Doctor never comment on my 6 mth old baby and he also pre matured baby at 35 weeks. Now he is 9kg and doing well. So dont feel guilty. You are already doing very well for them! :)
 
Happy weekend every mummies!
 

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Hi Kjaede,

Giving BM doesn't make us the best mother right away and giving FM doesn't make us the worst mother either.
All of us as mother always want to give the best to our son, but what we think as the best may not be suitable for them as well.. in your case is you and your baby has a blood clash, the BM doesn't suit him but will do harm to him and the other way round, if by giving FM can help him grow healthily, why not? We have seen a lot of kids who grow up healthily by drinking FM and doing totally fine in their lives.

Sometimes we just need to shift our paradigm a little bit and look at the big picture instead.

I have just delivered my first baby 3 months ago with a firm decision in heart to BF my son exclusively. Unfortunately I am unable to produce as much milk as my baby want no matter how much effort I have been trying to increase my BM supply. I have done almost everything that people and articles says about increasing BM, but to no avail and I have to accept my MIL suggestion to give him FM. At first I keep blaming myself thinking that I surely haven't tried my best and also blame my MIL thinking that she's not supportive enough of my decision to BF exclusively. But after I cooled down and thought it over again, I questioned my firm decision and bad feeling is it purely because of my intention of giving the best to my son or it is because of my intention to feel proud and satisfied as I have achieved my goal (which is to BF exclusively)? And if my strong-headed decision on insisting BM to him causing him not gaining proper weight as he should be and leading to jaundice, that make me not a good mother either. Since then, I stop blaming myself but I promise to keep doing my best.. so I gave him both EBM and FM. I have just stopped giving him EBM recently as the production itself has stopped. I have given him till the last drop and he's growing well. He is happy and I am happy :).

Dun feel bad about yourself.. you have done your best part.. your love and care is the most important than any other things that you can give him.. happy mother = happy kid
 
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