A Support Group for Divorcees

Hi Nicole

I would like to joint this support group. I am a divorcee with 2 kids. in paper we are legally "D" but physcially they are still staying in the house is so stressful. His mum is the one who refuses to shift out, she is like a spy camera to me whatever things my kids does she will report back to him secretly. she thinks i dont know, everyday i go home i see this black face i feel so frust.
 


Hi cuttie

Welcome to our support group. We r here for each other. Please pm me n I will add u via email. There is nothing much yet because I m v busy now with my divorce matters.
But I aim to get everyone together to meet n chat , including our children
happy.gif


Do u intend to move out? How long have u been divorced? I like your CCTV analogy! Hahaha...
Cheer up! We are here for each other...
 
Hi Jenn

I have no group chat yet on FB. It is very private (for now) to protect everyone. There are all sorts of people adding me as a friend, and I dunno if they are divorced or not. So, after I am through with this busy period, I will re-think my FB...

chin up everyone!
 
Hi mummies! I admire your courage in getting a divorce. I am still toying with the idea. My husband had a 3 month affair with a colleague. But he has since broken up with her and has been a responsible father and husband by ensuring that he informs me of his whereabouts, accompanying me and listening to me when I think about what has happened. But the pain still lingers on. What would u advise? Thanks in advance!
 
Beenies,if he is serious about the change,why not give him another chance?trust definitely takes time to build up,but if u choose to give him a chance,then be fair to him and give him a chance he deserves and dont cling on to the past which is unhealthy and unfair.
 
Ppl tat din go thru all tis wil nt understand our pain...
Sumtimes reali find no1 to tok to... if u tel those ppl tat nt close to u.. they might tease u.. haiz..
 
Another concerns of mine is, how do i tell people im divorced, especially colleagues...i've been separated for 1 over year and a colleague was asking me how come i seldom mentioned about my hubby? It's at the tip of my tongue to tell her im separated but somehow just held back..i did not even tell my 'closer' colleagues...

As for friends wise, most close friends knows about my situation....

How do u ladies manage the 'telling' to colleagues part?
 
Ya colleagues r those u spend the most time wif...at least for 45hrs a wk.. however news spread the fastest r oso thru colleagues. I havent break the news to them even the closest colleague. I reali do not wish ppl gossip behind my bk cos of my divorce. Hw u ppl handle tis??
 
Hi, may I join in this group. I have a 16mth old boy. Currently planning for a divorce. My husband is a glue sniffer for years and it worsen recently. A month ago I actually report him to police and he was being brought bk to station. Till now he stil think that he is not on wrong. He can even sniff in front of his niece who is 11 yrs old. I think that he is beyond hope. I'm not sure if what I have done is right. But I do receive support fr his family. They r oso afraid that he wil die of his habit very soon.
 
Hi! I'm new here.. I do have ups n downs with my hub.. And 3rd party issue too.. I'm just curious if I can join ur group or fb too? At least I know I have s place to pour out my sorrows in future.. Tk u..
 
Depressed mom, i was also thinking about this questions. Anyone with experience? How do u all broke the news to co-workers about yr divorce?
 
My single colleague told me the other day ABC is divorced n she speculated that it must be ABC"s aggressive personality . I was thinking - you have not been married, how do u know?

Be careful who you tell to.. I kept my status a secret. It is none of their business.
 
Then i think don't need to say a thing to co-workers la..just keep quiet. By the way, anyone know if it's necessary to inform HR about change in status? Tell HR also there's a risk that it might 'leaked' out. Sigh...
 
Personally I felt nothing to be ashamed about being divorced especially when my conscience is clear that as I was "force" by circumstance and had tried my best to salvage the marriage. We can be easily misunderstood. Even close friends, I cant be bothered to explain anymore as most are just not understanding (unlike the people here).

I just do not like KPO people who kept judging, lecture, twist facts or turn it into headline. I also learned to put "Single" in form rather than "Divorced" to avoid "special" attention.

In my company, certain policies/insurance is extended to spouse, child and differ from single. The income tax is also linked. So to ensure I not get into unnecessary problem, I did update my info correctly thru HR system. HR didnt ask me, and even if they did I have no intention to give them any further detail.

Only closer co-worker (whom I know can keep mouth shut) knows I am actually divorce. So most still thinks I am married, which probably kept potential dates away. oh well.. ;p
 
Tats y i always feel strongly that we divorced ppl shld grp together n give each other support..

Im ok to let ppl know im divorced. Im not ashamed of myself and I don care how other ppl look at me.
 
Yupz, all my close frenz know that I'm undergoing divorce. Those who don't are probably the ones that I don't fancy sharing anyways.. And close frenz have been supportive so that definitely helps.

Colleagues wise is same, close colleagues and direct superior know.. The rest I don't bother mentioning.

Will be nice if we are able to meet up for just chats and get together.. Not to dwell on divorce matters but simple hang out
 
Hi, I had been married for almost 20 years with 2 boy. He is the most person I trust in the world and never expect he is cheating me for more than 1 year. He ran away with a PRC(FT) recently(more than a month) while I'm admit to hospital due to this. Currently, I do not have a shelter, intent to get the shelter then file for divorce. Can someone advise me what is the procedure?

"government cannot regulate love？which mean our family was break due to FT, gov also can't do anything? That why the divorce rate is high."
 
If only adultery is a crime in Singapore, then perhaps divorce rate may be reduced.

U could call:-
Association of Women For Action & Research (AWARE) Helpline 1800-7745935
(4pm – 10pm)

To file for divorce, first step is get yourself a lawyer who handles family matters and discuss your case.
 
Hi hi is there anybody facing the same situation as me. Already final judgment meaning “D” but the ex and MIL still buay paiseh still stay in the house. My this ex he thinks that because of the kids that why he gave the house to me “unwillingly” till now still feel very sore about this. Worst thing is the women at home thought she had share of the house and still have the cheek to tell me this house she got use money to buy one faintz… she thought the government grant given was her money if I am not wrong. I look at her in shock and stare at her ask her how much she fork out but she is not able to give me the amount. Are to share how to tackle or handle this kind of buay ke yen people
 
Hi, I am in the midst. Cannot get along with him anymore. No 3rd party. Just cannot stand him anymore coz he only showed his true colours after marriage. I have a 4 yo boy who is unfortunately suffering from some psychologfical impacts from this transitional period. Would like to join this support group. It has been a tough journey and I seriously dunno how long more this is going to drag before I finally get a divorce. My lawyer is unfortunately not very good. =(
 
Hi mummies,


I'm really in need of help now, decided to leave my useless husband because he has a third party as confirm on my previous post and it's because he has some STD. I totally don't wish to leave with this kind of man anymore hence i moved out frOm his parents place back to my own parents place as we don't have a place of our own. As the mother keep restricting us to get a flat ad refusing to let me work when I suggested that it can help a little bit in the family, she would just throw cold blankets over me and telling me negative stuffs. What's worse, when the whole family knows about the useless husband I have contacting with a Thai girl and having such disease they did NOTHING and only just told him off. And this is causing me real big trauma and I'm totally into depression state as I've just finish my confinement 1 mth ago only. Now I'm totally helpless as I'm not working for the past 2 years and my savings are almost gone because I need to pay everything for myself unless sometimes my parents helping me, as what he gives me isn't enough. I hope mummies here can help me with it, I'm having a super hard time ;(
 
Hey mummies.. Stay strong for your babes! It's gonna be hard, but we will overcome it =) PM if need a listening ear or smthg.. Appreciated all the help and advices I've gotten from mummies
 
Hi ladies,

I'm married for 7 years, with 3 kids. My hb had an affair last year but I forgave him. Now, I found out that he had an affair again with another woman. I'm determined to divorce.

My issue is the flat. All along the flat is paid by me, even utilities. I wanna make sure I keep the flat after divorce. Is it possible?

For the kids, I'm sure he will not want them since he only wanna play n have fun outside.

Can anyone help?
 
hi ladies,
would like to join this support group to learn more about how others are coping and how to manage life after divorce.

I've been married for 12yrs with 2kids..HB strayed twice and we cant get along...recently, we quarrel over small issues and he asked for a divorce in a spite of anger. Even postd on FB to let all his and some of my friends know..of cos he said its all my fault, my character and refused to change. I was weary and tired and told him tt ok, lets go separate ways..But he refused becos I guess he only threaten me then.

He said I am selfish n unfair to him..he thought he had found someone he can live with for a lifetime but only knowing now tt it is not just becos I refused to change.. he thinks I am being very unfair to him and the kids becos of my character. He also tried to wash my brain by saying " u think life will be good after divorce? All my friends who went thru it had gone thru tough life. So dont think that life will be better"... He asked me to think if I want this marriage and change to save this marriage.

Things has been cold now and he purposely try to avoid me n finds me irritating too. When I scold my kids becos they never behave, he always refer me to "that woman" or "her" instead of using "mummy"..

I am very sick and tired of this marriage..am really seriously thinking of leaving him and starting my own life with the kids. but also concerned tt kids will really be affected by this. I spoke to close friends and relatives and all had persuaded me not to divorce becos of the kids.. but on the other side, I am not happy at all in my daily life...I just have a simple wish, to live happily everyday...

so chance upon this thread and hope to understand and know more ppl who had gone thru before making final decision. If there is a FB group, can PM me to join or anyway to link up with ppl here?? Advise please and sorry for long winded story..
 
Hi,
I'm planning to get a divorce. My mum found him together with the maid. No concrete evidence except what my mum saw. My parents confronted him n he told them not to tell me. But my mum eventually told me. I've moved back to my parents' p,ace for more than a month and he has not contacted me nor ask abt his son.
I cannot divorce based on adultery coz I don't hav e concrete evidence. How can I make sure I can hasten the divorce with minimum hassle (meaning avoid contesting court as far as possible)? Anyone has a good and reliable lawyer to recommend? TIA!
 
hi all i am also considering divorce. no 3rd party whatsoever.. but its just his character. he is always v defensive and likes to fault find.. its v draining. its always been me trying to make this marriage work by getting us to talk things out but ever since he is in this pilot job (wic he cant possibly take up without me, cos the training is 5 yrs with less than 1k pay to support himself! i support the house and utilities)
now we have a child, and whenever we quarrel he will not take any effort to work on it. he prefers to avoid and run away from it pretending it doesnt exist. i am tired of being the captain of the marriage always navigating.. now i let go, and i can see that its sinking cos he just wont bother. esp being in this job now, he feels he has so many choices out there, even when i say about divorce, he cannot be bothered.

i need advice. is this issue too trivial for me to consider divorce? to me communication is the most impt thing in marriage, but i don feel any commitment on his part to wanna make it work or resolve conflicts. he will fault find about trivial things so that it will be tit for tat with me when i brought up about his lack of initiative in commnication or inability to understand/empathize. can any marriage work without communication? i will just survive but not thrive. i don wish to lead that kind of life
 
it is not easy for 2 persons to become husband & wife and even to have kids. What is the reason for 2 persons to be together in the first place? I hope the other half can think deeply and carefully whether his/her actions will hurt the other party/parties before acting. It is sad to learn that there are more & more straying.
 
Hi,

Can include me in the group? Need advice own divorce, husband had affair during my pregnancy. Now I waiting for another 6 months for 3yrs marriage to be up then filing for divorce. Currently with a one month old girl.
 
Mine is 3k n as a plaintiff. I heard my lawyer said defendant wil hv to pay abt 1.8k. Nt too sure hw it goes yet since mine stil in the midst of it
 
So to say, divorce procedure costs ain't goin to be split into halves?

And by the way, could you all recommend me a trustworthy, and not so costly lawyer for divorce? I really in need...
 
Hi everyone

Glad to see that there's such a place for us. I am done with my divorce and have received my temp. divorce cert. I am glad to have granted full custody of my 3 years old gal. How can I be in the FB support group?

Hi Jessie

If yours is a consent case, then you may like to try my lawyer, Raymond Lim and here's his website http://www.dedicateddivorcelawyer.com.sg/?gclid=CNbcq6H3u7QCFUd66wod21UAKg . He had charged me about $1700 which I am also pretty please with his assistance. What I like about him is that he is willing to share and provide necc info on our case even through my 1st enquiry call.

I had also contacted a few other lawyer but none are willing speak through the phone making it hard for me to decide and they are simply too $ minded to me. Wishing you all the best.
 
hi,

i would like to join the group too. will be filing for divorce very soon and needed alot of advice from everywhere here..abit lost now on how i can fight the case...please drop mi lots of PMs
 
Hi everyone,

Hope I can have some advices from all the mummies here. From the beginning no show from that man at all. Lawyer and court serve him letters he totally ignored. Next month going to court again. I think this time round is to settle the custody of my child, maintenance and the flat we both owned. (Am I at the last stage already)

I have left him 4 years ago and have no step in to our flat since then. He didn’t bother to ask about his child either. All these years, he didn’t give us a single cent. Since day 1 he had not been doing a duty of a husband and a father. All of us should be thinking why I waited till now then decide to file a divorce against him. The reason I can think of is I’m RUNNING AWAY. I have that kind of thinking is don’t bother less problems for me….

All these while me and my child has been staying with my parents. As for my child I intend to gain full custody. As for the maintenance wise, I think the man won’t pay. Now my concern is the flat. I hope I can keep the flat for myself. As I know the court will allow parent who had the custody of the child to keep the flat. I think having a shelter is very important, As house is getting more n more expensive. I don’t think I can afford one next time. To buy over his share is still cheaper. I can rent out to lessen my financial burden. BUT now the problem is I believe he had a lot of creditors outside. A lot of people looking for him to chase him for $$$$$$. If I bought over his flat. I think I won’t have peaceful life as now. is still cheaper be it I can rent out to lessen my financial burden. IF I rent out, my tenants might be harass or if I move in I might be harass also.

Should I keep the flat for myself????
 

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