Single mummies support group

Hi dreamer_cloud & destine,

Finally free to come into the forum.
A year has passed and a lots of things have not settle... My stress level has gone up since Christmas Eve.
Have not been able to contact my husband and the banks and car finance company has been calling me up for payment. Car instalments have missed for 3months and tow away last friday. I do not have a driving licence but i own the car
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sound stupid isnt it.

This April i will be able to sell the flat and look for a new place to stay with my two daughters.
It is another challenge for me.

I am still looking for a support group that can help me out.

I'm selling some of the furnitures away in order to get some cash.

Anyone can HELP
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Lastly, I wish everyone that visited this thread have a Happy New Year.
 


Hi Shirine

Yr case is very similar to my friend's case. Her hubby left the family cos was caught having affair. She managed to sell her unit at a lost and even have to come out with cash. Seeking help from all kinds of associations but seems like no help at all. There are alot of outstanding credit card from her Ex-HB and she is now paying for him cos the cards are under her name. And also the car loan now asking for the payment. Dun understand why a man can change to this scary state. So unfair for her to pay and pay very month, i suppose her salary is in and out immediately to pay off the debts. And dun forget she also taking care of her 2 boys. sign
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Hi All

I happen to read about this thread while dealing with Shirine at the marketplace.

After reading about all your individual sad stories, i thank God i was fortunate to have a happy family.

I may not be in your shoes to understand what you gals are going through but for those who are having credit card troubles, you may want to contact Ms Tan Huey Min at [email protected] or Credit Counselling Society at +66594247673 as they may be able to assist by negotiating with the banks to arrange for manageable repayment of hardship cases

I hoped this information helps.
I wish all of you the best!
 
Need help on legal costs of divorce proceedings.

How much is the average cost for Divorce based on adultery and Child custody proceedures?
Would like to have a feel of the cost involved.
Some background. My husband has decided to be with the OW from his affair but he is also deciding to fight with me for our 2yr-old son.

Thanks.
 
Hi There,

I met up with 4 different lawyers, they introduced to me about the same procedure but the legal fee charges is not the same as their approach is different.
The lawyer i chosen charged me $2.5k which includes $1k deposit and $1.5k claimable from spouse.
There is one lawyer whom quote me $1.2k for issuing the divorce letter only.
By making enquiries are not good enough, you must meet the lawyer and see what are their advise and most importantly you must feel comfortable talking to him or her.

Best regards
 
Hi Shirine,

Is it just the Divorce proceedings for $2.5K? Does it include the child custody procedures also? Why is it claimable from spouse? Because of adultery ground or you both share the same lawyer?
Sorry for asking so many questions.
 
No, not just $2.5k. It all depends along the way the case proceed. Yes, child custody procedure included for my case.

I filed for adultery (with P.I. report) and unreasonable behaviour (with Police report). I will be able to claim full amount for the P.I. report too but i doubt he got so much money to pay me back.
 
Thanks, Shirine.

Can you give me your contacts of your lawyer?
 
It's nice to hear that you gals have got the support of your family n friends while going through your rough patch.

I feel so all alone, having to deal with mine all alone. Don't even have the support of my family, can you beat that?? All the months of agonizing torment and misery that i had to shoulder all on my own. Just wished i had someone to talk to, someone who truly cares, who can help me ride through this cold, dark, abysmal dungeon. Coz up til now, it seems no one really cares more than the superficial 'you take care huh'. sigh...
 
Hi All,
I'll be going thru the divorce proceeding pretty soon.. my HB told my MIL to prepare me as he is sending me the letter very soon.. I thought I have come to term with my failed marriage, but realised that I'm not so after all.. The 'news' threw me off again.. Now we are looking for buyers for our house, not very sure wats next.. most prob move to my in laws place first.. I really dread the day when it comes, not sure how I will handle it.. But I think its really very important for us to look at how to handle our own emotions, all the resentment, anger, low self-esteem, etc that accompany the divorce.. and how to help our children to cope without a father by their side.. I am working hard on these areas.
 
Hi all,
I'm new to this thread...
Was trying my luck to see if anyone can provide some info. I have been separated from my ex since last dec. Right now i'm fighting for my maintenance for my 6mth old gal. But i'm so worried about the custody issues... Anyone can advise if i need to draft a deed of separation? Or is it possible to save on the laywer fees for this, just stay separated for the next 3 years and get over all these?
 
Sorry. I don't know whether I am intruding into your private forum but I am a single dad who wants to get advise from all of you as I feel it is harder to be a single dad than mum.
 
Hi mummies,

just saw this thread and need some advice.

My friend has asked for supervised access for her children, 7 n 10, using her maid.

Does anyone has any experiences with that? What should she tell the maid? How to prevent the maid from working in the ex inlaws house?

Thanks
 
Hi Jo Ling,

I send my maid to follow my son during the sunday access. To cater to all his needs and also to report to me any inappropriate behaviour.

So far ok, the first few times ex in-laws tried bribing my maid with money. Last week, they tried to get her to wash the dishes at their western food stall.

Basically, my maid just acted blur.

Your friend has to talk to the maid. Some people are very private and draw lines at revealing personal stuff. I am very honest with my maid. I told her why I am sending her and told her I need her help. She understood and has been very iniative in protecting my son.

Send my regards to ur friend. It is not easy.
 
Dear fitti,

so many thanks for replying to my message.

That is a good idea to ask her maid to act blur.

When you told your maid you need her help, did she take advantage of that and like use that against you?

My friend has been mentally abused by her husband for 10 years while he has loads of affairs even right after they got married. He simply left her at home with lies like he needed to work and study. She even have to work to help him pay for his bills and his parents even thoough he earns $6000 + per month
His parents also took advantage of her being alone in Singapore, she is formally from overseas..

She is quite broken down, mentally ie have nightmares even at the mention of her ex's name.
So now she only has me and my husband and her church mates to turn to.

We all wonder if she can face that 8 whole hours of access period every week.
 
hello, i am josephine . i have been looking for some sites where there is some help for single parents. i have been divorced since 2003 and since then am very tried for patience, financially, emotionally and really mentally , cause i have so much problems with my maid and then my son , who's 10 and then now my maid again who just ran away because of her fear from her previous empolyer ???? sighhhh......

my life is like just 2 words ... it sucks .

so anyone out there who knows anything that can help please contact me @ [email protected]
 
hi...
scroll down n read those threads...i reali salute those single mums out ther...puttin in their very best effort 4 the benefits of the child..although i dun hav a kid..but i stil belive the child wil grow 'healthly'in a happy family wif dad n mum 2 take care of...as i jus cam back frm france,i mostly encountered tat most of the prob. kids com frm those broken families..it applies everywher in every part of the world,let alone spore..pls try 2 salvage ur marriage 1st b4 tinkin of divorce..approach ppl 4 help...eg. get help frm consell..divorce is nt the best solution til 2 the last..nt every guy is bad n shity...3 yrs back,my wife was havin affair wif a guy...who is very cloze 2 me....til the day i found out the truth...i didn't demand anyting...in fact i ask 2 file a divorce...knowin 2 prepared 4 the worst..n lucky enough she didn't demand much,i left the 5-rms flat 2 her...but at the same time, my company open up requestin volunteers 2 stationed at france for 2yrs job attachment..i initiali wan 2 giv her a surprise,askin her whether she is keen 2 join me ther as wife is provided wif allowance n she dun even hav 2 work,as apartment is provided 2..treat it as a 2 yrs honeymoon.. guess wat...i went ther alone...everyday tryin 2 occupied alot of work jus tryin 2 forget those unhappy issues..i even extend my contract 4 another yr...i'm nt tryin 2 get the easy way out tat divorce is the best solution...nor afraid ppl n frends would say tat i'm a cuckold..since she like him so much,i jus had 2 volunt. 2 opt out..til now,the pain in me had turn 2 scar...guess time is the only medicine 2 cure me...btw,y didn't had a forum 4 single husband or dad website or forum locali huh???anyway al the best 2 single mums out ther...
cheers..
 
I am a widow with 3 kids. It has been 5 years since. My youngest is starting pri 1 next year. But the hurt is still there. Time does not heal. Haizzzz.
 
Hi Angie,
it must have been really tough for u. Some of us here face infidelity and so still can hate our spouses whereas ur case may be different as there must be lotsa wonderful memories that ur hubby left behind.

You are very strong and I believe u r a very courageous mother for ur children. Your hubby will watch over you. God will too.

Stay strong.
 
Hi Fitti,

Thanks for the encouragement. I am glad there is a site for us to express ourselves. Memory do comes back. It is tough at times but life goes on. Do u know is there any single parent meeting group? Thanks in advance
 
hi,

anyone have experience .. where you are separated and the FIL want to visit your child?

my FIL love the boy much and i let him visit him every week (i am now staying with my mum and sis .. they are taking care of my son) but i feel that he is trying to run my life ...

ask me to either put my son on a childcare or let a nanny take care and i only bring my son back on weekend. and he (my FIL) will pay for all the fees.

should i still let him visit my son or ask him to just stay away from us ... since his son already left us .. i don't feel i am obligated to pleased him or obey what he say ..
 
Santi, personally I feel that you should limit access of your FIL to your son...

I fear his intentions of putting your son at childcare or nanny is so that he can take your son away. He might be in cohoots with his son, you will never know.

Best to stick to your current plan and tell him to stay away if he wants to continue talking so much nonsense.

I also worry about the things he might teach your son during the visits. Limit them as far as possible.

My ILs do not even know I have a child. My ex also thought I aborted the child. I moved several times to prevent them from finding us.
 
Hi all,

Like to check if anyone managed to purchase a HDB flat after divorcing under your own name? I browsed thru the HDB website and found out that a family nucleaus can be formed for a divorcee with his/her child under his/her custody. Has anyone purchased a flat under such circumstances?

I'm currently planning to file for divorce and hope to get my own 3-room flat to live with my daughter. So I hope to find out more info.
 
Hi, I'm 28+ and single parent of 3 kids. My youngest will be turning 2 this cmg Sun. Hv divorced since last Oct. Stil trying very hard to come to terms. Guess I couldn't let go. Miserable cos I'm afraid I may not be able to cope financially & mentally. Think he is facing some financial problems. If he becomes a bankrupt, does it mean he does not need to pay our maintenance? Please advise me.
 
Can I ask on behalf of my friend abt some issues regarding her situation?

Currently, my friend is filing a divorce with her husband. She cited the fact that although her husband works very hard, everyday, and has been fairly nice to her and her daughter, she doesn't want to live with him anymore.

However, they quarrel very often. Sometimes, when things get too heated up, her husband will hit her, push her or slam things like the door. She feels very sad abt this.

She wanted to work things out with her husband but so far after all the quarrels, the two of them will just cool down and let things go back to normal by itself. But her love for her husband has become lesser and lesser. She still didn't dare to divorce her husband because she's not sure if she can fend for herself and she has a 4yr old daughter. She's a foreigner(PR) so she has to let her in-laws take care of her daughter. Her husband and her in-laws dote on her daughter very much.

She happened to meet a guy who likes her and she has some feelings for this guy. So she decided to divorce her husband. Of course, the reason for her divorce is not because of this guy but that she can't take the husband anymore and she doesn't want the daughter to live under such conditions.

Question now is:
1. Is she making a right choice to go for the divorce?

2. If she's going for divorce(she's talking to lawyer now), should she ask for maintenance?(She's earning abt 2k a mth but she'll most likely have to rent a flat and pay for some of the stuffs that her daughter need)

She's not sure whether should she ask for maintenance because her husband wants to take care of her daughter as well. Her husband just started his career and has lots of loans to service. He has to take up part-time jobs on top of his main job in order to support the family.

Furthermore this silly woman feels that her husband has actually beared the responsibility of marrying her when he got her pregnant last time. He has tried to be a responsible husband but his temper is unbearable.
 
Dear All,
I'm a 33 yr old single mum with 2 children age 8 & 10. I've been divorced for 3 years now & only recently things took a turn for the better & I'm starting to pick up little pieces of my life back. I owe it all to friends who lent me their ears & shoulders. That is why I would like to do the same to all those single mum who's still trying. For those interested in starting some kind of single parent group pls drop me an email @ [email protected].
 
Hi MJ,

Can those in e midst of annulling their marriage with no kids join too?
 
Dear All,

Just to update all, I have sold my 4room flat, and there are things that I want to sell away, like the toddler convetitable carseat which i have post in Yahoo Auction, some furnitures, etc.

I have received a lots of enquires on the car seat and a lots parent want to view it before purchase. I have organised a few of open house for interested parents, some didnt turn up on the day itself, some want to view earlier than the open house and no show, etc.

I like to move on with my two daughter in life, to a new environment and hope to clear most of the furniture and stuffs.

Have origansied open house to parents who are interested and serious in purchasing the stuffs. Just do not understand what is wrong with these ppl, they have a happy family, both working parent, got maid and so on ... and they got the time to search in the website for stuffs and bargin for discount, make appointment and didnt turn up.

Who will want to sell off almost brand new thing away? I tried and I tried for months...

It hurt right there....
 
Hi shrine.. sorry to hear that.. I'm sure u must hv felt very frustrated. So u managed to your own flat under the divorcee scheme from HDB?

By the way, can you share with me your lawyer's contact pls? I'll send you an email to leave you my contact.. TIA!
 
Hi MJ,
You can purchase your own flat if u hv the custody of yr daughter
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hi everyone..i'm zara and i'm new here..
well ..my husband just gave the final decision to divorce me. i'm so worried and sad..i still love him and i have 2 kids(1yr & 2mths)with him. i'm only 21yrs old.(he's 29)i need somebody to guide me so that i can go on with live... i always told myself that i will never let my kids grow up in a broken family but now..it happens to me...i really don't know what i should do. i'm so stress..tired..etc.
 
Dear all, Stil Trying, MJ, Shirine, 1+1, Camelia&Ryan,
I am 36 with 2 kids. Finally settle with a lawyer and served their father the divorce letter. Dunno the road ahead. Although I am very unwilling to let my kids grow up in a broken family, this is the ultimate choice, because in another way, they are also growing up in a broken family. I feel very sad for my kids because she says "Papa lives here, Mama lives here, Meimei lives here, this is our home. We are family right?".

My husband constantly cheats on me! Not once, but three times or maybe more! And he is not rependant at all. I have to let him go. No Point to hold on.
 
Hi 1+2,
I am 32 with 2 kids (4 yrs and 4 mths). Same plight as u. Is there a support group where we can meet up?
 
I am not sure of any particular group formed. But we can try and meet up. Are you working? Are u in the midst of divorce too? You can PM me.
 
hi all,

glad i found this thread, im currently 26 wks pregnant and same plight as u gals. i don know what to do and im starting to develop the depression symtoms
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should i wait till the child is born and see if he turns round or should i start looking at divorce procedures to prepare for the worse..
 
Hmmm... it is very tough now that you are pregnant. I think you should talk to him, do give a second chance to your marriage since you are pregnant now. He may change after seeing how adorable your bb is.
 
thats what frens advised too..but seeing him everyday still contacting the other woman makes it so hard for days to pass...

its all like an act now, trying to wait for bb arrival
 
dear all,

thks to my sis, i found this forum. and my heart goes out to many of you here whom have gone thru much low peaks of their lives... and at the same time find faith and light that you guys made it thru good. keep the faith, ladies!

im 34 and been divorced for years with no kids. i've been with a man for couple years now and we were planning to settle down next year. however, i found out i'm 7wks pregnant now. i've just seen my foetus at the scan and i could see my baby's heart beating steadily away. its such an amazing and wonderful feeling!!

however, my man may not be ready to be a father and that's very much bothering me. at my age, the perfect scenario is i can give the baby the complete parenthood it deserves. but it might not be fulfilled that way.

that's why im considering being a single parent. of course i noe its not easy to be one.. afterall its not the States here! there are alot of changes i've to adjust to and prepare myself for.

am i doing the right thing or am i being selfish??
 
Hi to all single parents.
Not sure if i am looking for the correct topic or not. PLease do direct me to the correct topic if i m in the wrong topic.
I m 28 this year n was divorced from my ex-hubby in Jan 2004. And then i re-married a month later after I obtained my D.N.A (it just happened to be a shotgun marriage to the present hubby whom i knew barely for less than half year). Had to give up my firstborn daughter to my ex hubby as she stayed with the ex hubby's mum since her birth.
Although I did re-marry, n gave birth to a lovely son(my second-born) n my present hubby treated us good, however I always missed my firstborn daughter n yearned to see her n wanted her to be by my side but could not. Heard that the ex hubby dun really bother abt my daughter although he has the sole custody of her. I constantly worried for her as she is 4 this year.

How i wish i turn back the clock n take my daughter away from the ex.. My ex is very f***heartless bastard. For the one and half years before the divorce, i was very depressed n went crazy n even attempted sucide twice. Also seeing the counseller at church n NUH for a year and finally pulled myself together with lots of support from friends n family n at the Lord's mercy n compassion. and yet my ex laughed at me behind my back n saboed me too. I hated him a lot at first but time had passed by n the pain is lesser n slowly zero. My mind was in a such mess that i could not think straightly at times. Now i m ok but still missed my daughter dearly.

WOnder when i can see my most dearest daughter again.
 
hi dovemoby,

Have u talked to your current partner?

When my husband started the affair, the first thought that came to my mind was to be a single mum..yet the thought of giving the child a chance to grow up in a "complete" family has never left my mind.
 
dovemoby,

caring for a baby/child can be really tough if you don't hv the support from family.
i hope you won't be offended if i ask if you would consider giving him/her up for adoption? you can contact MCYS who can help you find the best family for him/her. i've friends who hv adopted and they all treat their adopted children so so well it brings tears to my eyes.

take care meantime & think what would be best for the child.
 
Hey CC (vickysmommy)... i seriously tink its really really really hard to give up ur own flesh n blood for adoption.. afterall, pregnancy n giving birth is tough.. not easy...

I tink dovemoby, maybe u should discuss with ur partner agian.. let him see the little baby in u.. maybe that would change his mind.....

but i tink all woman should have a form of protection... sometimes i wonder why is it usually men are the ones who stray.....

anyway, I am a 23 yr old mummy with a 9.5 mths old son... I really wish to know more single moms out there, cos I might become on after all...

My partner n I arent ROM, but we gone thru customary (just my side, n his side i only gave his mom tea... sisters n all never come to wedding).... so i dunno if i should say i am married... cos he is away on biz now, and I caught him cheating.. so... he has been neglecting my feelings.. n I have been depending on him since my pregnancy...

totally lost... dunno wat to do... n cos of my age, most of my friends are working n in e corporate world... n i just dun have e time for them... cos i need to care for my son....

sighzzzz.... life is tough as a woman....
 
hi 23yr_mummy,

if you have the intention of leaving him, then i dont think you will be able to get any form of alimony from him in future cos both of u have not ROMed.

in order to give both u and your son a status, think better ROM fast fast. any reason why both of u decided not to marry? in the eyes of law, customary wedding does not equate to marriage.

as for the affair, u may want to ask him about it. talk to him nicely and tell him that u have witness.

u must be feeling very lonely now. try not to dwell on it so much. do not second guess his actions. talk to him. let him know your stand. being a housewife and dependent on him for money does not mean that u have to give in to his whims and fancy.

being a mother is not easy, lest a young girl like you. stay positive and dont let your mind run too wild.

spend the time to think through what u want from this marriage and work towards it.
 
HI 23yrold_mummy

Why nt u get ROM since u already have a child with yr partner?

Do not worry so much for now. Find a ft job first n then ask your mum to help look after the child while u at work.

Be positive.
 


hi "about e same" n "ocean".... urm.. i seriously dunno how to say why we didnt get ROM, e thing is we both felt that ROM was just a piece of paper....so both of us just didnt get to do it... n e customary was like "for fun"....

n yea.... have been talking to him abt e "affair" cos so far, he hasnt admit n he keeps blaming me i dun trust him when that stupid woman was there....

i guess that finding a job is no problem, cos we are acutally having our shared biz... so.. supposedly, financially, we got no problem.. but i just tot, if we were to "break"... than i gotta start all over agian... which just totally sucks!!! moreover, am now furthering my studies...

sighz, i was so much more independent before pregnancy, are many woman out there the same??

n am at this stage where i simply cant leave my baby alone.... i gotta know wats he is doing, he sleeps with me now that my partner isnt around... n everytime i am in class i keep tinking abt him.. which is totally bad, cos if anything happens in e future, than i need to go get a job... n i cant leave him alone... any1 facing e same problem??? =(
 
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