fairyprincess... as for your question.
Erm, financially, we are quite OK. We are not like filthy rich lah... but hubby's latest pay increase hor, was like half my lousy teacher's salary... so that tipped him over to the 5figure sum lah. So although, last time, even though combined we earned 5figure, now, with him alone, is only like 2k less than what we have last time... no big deal lah.
Then we use our baby bonus wisely lor. use baby bonus to pay for school for all 3. Actually, my hubby handles the finances. For me, he gives me about 3k every month, for groceries and pay children's fees or whatever, and my own spending (which honestly isn't much)... then he'll also pick up credit card bills lor. Mostly, outside of groceries, and lesson fees, I spend on like educational aids for children, or books. My own spending is usually only on food (when I eat breakfast out) or books to read (I am an avid reader). He will go and do investment all that, buy insurance for children all that. We don't believe in being in debt, so other than car and house, we will always pay our credit card bills and other bills in full... try not to instalment anything... or even if do instalment, he will do only 3-6mths... he know I don't like to take instalments. So he saves quite a bit, and invests some of it... I know we have the money stashed away somewhere like that lah, but exactly where, I also not very sure. Not good lah,like that, but I'm not a very financially aware person (but I know that is just an excuse lah). Recently, we just calculated, per mth, our children's lessons and school fees combined (including what I intend to sign them up for within the next few months) come up to almost $1,700. OK lah. He give me $3k, usually more than enough for paying whatever, because of the $1,700, about $500 come from baby bonus for Kindy and childcare... also, if I see like my account hit less than $1k, I will automatically slow down on spending, to make the money last until his next payday. So just be aware of what you are spending, and buy only what you need. What you want or like, buy only if you can afford it there and then lor, after taking into account what you already signed.
Then I think, since I don't have maid, we save a lot lor. But with #4, and with maid, will have to tighten our belts again, and not spend so much... also, this time will have to find 2nd hand stuff for baby because we weren't planning for #4 initially, so already gave away alot of our baby things to others who are in need... so I have no baby cot, no baby carseat, no baby clothes... all don't have. baby tub still have... some milk bottles still have... but that's about it. maternity and nursing clothes also don't have, other than the few pants that I still wear... heh. Hopefully if it's a boy, can take clothes and things from my SIL... if girl, then see how.. maybe get from a friend I know who has 4 girls (2 are twins)... but see how lor. Just budget well, keep to it, and be aware of expenditure lor. Don't eat out so often. And we also don't travel much... only once a year, go church camp that's all.
There have been times in the past where things were very tight, but we just control lor. Importantly, no debt. That's the worst thing to have... because it can spiral out of control, and make life very stressful.
Oh, and last time, when things weren't so good, we were very realistic about what enrichment to send. A lot of things I wish I could have done with my two older ones when they were young, but no money, no talk. Even now, when I want to send them to something, I will ask hubby whether can afford or not first... then we do the maths and see what are our fixed expenditure, and see how much we have to play with... like that lor.
As for coping with the children, well, I think I'm very strict with my kids... so they are normally quite well-behaved. Although we have difficult times, they all go through the terrible twos and the complaining stages and the test water stages and all that... but basically, they know that they must toe the line with me. My whole life with the children, I've only had to cane one of them once. the other two, so far, no need. But I start disciplining very early on in life... some people say I very strict with my children (those some people are my parents and other relatives)... but they are also the ones who complain that my children are naughty when I am not around, and like angels when I am. And then I tell them it is because they encourage the children's nonsense with their mixed responses and confuse them, and that is why the kids are not 'afraid' of them. My philosophy has always been, if you won't like the behaviour 5 years down the road, don't allow it now. Of course, the consequences has to be age appropriate, and has to take into account developmental stages... but I read widely... and I don't just subscribe to one school of thought.
I think the 2nd secret to coping well with kids is to not stress over everything. I give you an example. I believe that children learn from experience, like falling. So when my children (even my firstborn) was learning to crawl, I just let them go. As long as they don't do anything that could potential cause irreversible damage, I let them go. My mother say I "chek ark" because I allow my son to topple over and fall down when he is crawling, thereby hitting his big coconut head on the floor. But I tell her, if you keep catching him, he will never learn how to fall and prevent himself from hurting him... and you cannot be there 100% of the time... so you are only setting him up for an even bigger and more painful injury in the long run, because he has no sense of danger. I leave him alone, and he quickly learnt how to brace his neck and head when he is falling, so that he doesn't hit himself. Isn't that more useful???
To me, falling down, falling sick are all part and parcel of life. I see getting hurt as something that will just teach you what not to do the next time. I see falling sick as building up your immunity... of course that doesn't mean I am foolish about it. They all go for their immunisation as they should. I don't let them anyhow eat junk food.
But I also know that there are mothers out there who stress themselves to death trying to provide the perfect everything for their child. So even if they can't afford it, they try to send their children to all those expensive enrichment. They stress every time their child falls sick. They stress every time anything is "wrong", like a simple cut or a bruise...
To me, everything must be taken in proportion lor. Cannot be completely bochup, but cannot be too kancheong also... like that will die one. Also, must not be embarrassed by misbehaviour. I very thick skinned one. When they small, they go out and throw tantrum, if they don't disturb people (eg movie or at a conference or what), I will let them lor. I never ever give in to a tantrum. never. That is my golden rule. Even at 18mths - Never.
Fairy... wah, I hope you never regret asking me... I very longwinded, I know. I always teacher mode... everything also must explain clear clear... that's why like that. But yah, that is how I cope with the kids and with life in general lor. All that and my faith definitely helps in keeping my sanity.
Oh, and I also try to make sure I find time for myself to unwind... I like reading and writing... so I keep blog, I read books etc... every Friday, I don't cook - go on strike... spend the morning at cafe just reading or surfing internet or playing puzzle books... heh. Like that lah.
Sounds so easy hor... I will be the first to admit, of course I have my struggles... but I am not the worry type... I don't worry about things if I can help it... I just take it as it comes. And that has to do alot with my faith in God also. Like when both #1 and #3 were diagnosed with CPC in the brain... wah, pray like mad... worry also... but in the end, just left it in the hands of God lor... believe that He knows best and that His plans are the best for me... and that even if baby got Down's syndrome, then it's because he allowed it to happen, and that must mean that He knows I can handle it... so like that lor... and I believe that He gives me peace.
Aiyoh, I shall get off my soap box now. Novel very long already.
