gooseberry
Member
Can anyone advise me how to initiate a divorce w my hubby based on unreasonable behaviour?
How to initiate divorce
- Thread starter gooseberry
- Start date
gooseberry
Member
Denise: I've tried so hard to change myself, to tell him, but he has time n again upset me n think I'm over-reacting. I wanna stop feeling pathetic n lousy. Let the trigger event be a stepping stone for me to step out of my unhappiness. I've 2 kids though, n will work something out to support them.
gooseberry
Member
Silly cat: Yours is a strong case for divorce. Mine though not as strong as yours has caused me much emotional distress I hv decided to get out of my loveless marriage.
gooseberry
Member
Mimi: yes I've told him many times. But he vehemently refused.
nicolettegoh
Member
You need to prepare to justify the unreasonable behaviour... from what I know it is much easier if your hubby is agreeable to the divorce. If not can get quite ugly in court
gooseberry
Member
Mimi: gd to know hubby went counseling w u. Any good outcome?
gooseberry
Member
Mimi: u went through a period of separation? On wat grounds do u file the divorce on?
gooseberry
Member
Mimi: do u hv a list of wat constitutes as unreasonable behaviour? I'm kinda sick n tired of my current marriage, n wish to get out either nw or a few yrs dn the road. Dun think hubby will contest against me.
gooseberry
Member
Paranomic: Tt's fast. On wat grounds was the divorce?
gooseberry
Member
Paranomic: wat sort of unreasonable behaviour, can u share? The respondent doesn't contest against the petitioner I suppose?
Btw, be prepared that he will blackmail u using kids. Just be firm, nobody decides what， the judge will decide. Often is a shared custody. Women are always the suffering side given the emotional feel for the kids that man will take advantage. However if staying on brings more miseries, then answer is very obvious.
nicolettegoh
Member
agree with paranomic. stand firm on the kids' issues because the judge will hear both sides of the case and normally the mother will have a higher chance of getting custody due to the number of hours spent taking care of the kids' needs etc
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
that's fast.. mine took 6months.. also filed unreasonable behavior, citing that he is not in singapore most of the times after marriage
Sadgirl123
New Member
Pixie, i saw some of your poat saying that u have a good husband that take care of u...so u are divorce?
gooseberry
Member
Sad girl: my marriage lacks romance, emotional connectedness, intimacy and gentle communication for the past decade. I guess, I complicate matters, by being intimately involved w a fren, wh I thought I can seek to fill my emotional void.
jayjayqueenie
Active Member
so u found someone new?
or u can manage on your own?
or u can manage on your own?
gooseberry
Member
Jayjayqueenie: sometimes we dun need a third party to give us the courage to step out of marriage. I'm despondent tt there is no way we can hv a cordial chat nicely abt improving our relationship. There's too much finger pointing n resentment on hubby's part abt my personality. So I've decided to move on, despite the unforeseeable future.
If all avenues fail.. Be brave.
It takes courage to be together, it also takes courage again to find your own happiness.
Hi gooseberry, is the fren you are with willing to be with you if you divorce?
gooseberry
Member
Paranomic: I find tt it has come to a point whereby I can't hv a heart to heart talk w him w/o him being explosive n violent. I was speaking calmly all the time n yet I still can't break dn his defenses to hv a frank talk to work things out. I'd certainly wish we can work out the kinks in our marriage for I've bn w him half my life. However, it's jus not possible. As fearful of the future ahead, I m resolute to press on w my decision.
Dayan & September: thanx for yr concern. I'm exiting this marriage, not for anyone, but for myself to find back my identity tt has bn lost all these years.
Dayan & September: thanx for yr concern. I'm exiting this marriage, not for anyone, but for myself to find back my identity tt has bn lost all these years.
Looks like you have measured all consequences and is determined. The next stage will be his appeal/mitigations before things are proceeded.
Its another hurdle you will need to cross.
jayjayqueenie
Active Member
wow gooseberry
i salute u.
let me know how things turn out ok?
pm me if u may
i need to learn from u
i salute u.
let me know how things turn out ok?
pm me if u may
i need to learn from u
gooseberry
Member
Jayjayqueenie: why? U thought of divorcing huh...
jayjayqueenie
Active Member
no not at the moment
but i can learn what to do if i have to one day right?
but i can learn what to do if i have to one day right?
MilhouseGumble
New Member
What sort of unreasonable behaviour? Not making enough money to support your delusional, entitled lifestlye? Perhaps he didn't make your coffee with those imported Brazilian beans and he gave you instant?
Geez, women will divorce over ANYTHING these days
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
i was divorced, now the guy i'm with is not my ex....
tat why i keep saying if a person (regardless is female or male) do not have happiness and suffering everyday in their marriage. and they do not intend or interested to make it work. divorce would be the solution. at least can find another spouse again. no need scare if divorce, cannot find another person. i'm not saying all will ends like me, finally found a guy who love and cherish me. but if you never end a dying marriage, there is no way to start another..
p.s: i'm not supportive of cheating / having affairs. i'm more towards 光明磊落 lifestyle. not supportive of 偷鸡摸狗 business...
I think you are being too opinionated. It is not easy to go thru that heartbreaking process. There are tons of issues, whether is emotionally or financially.
The suffering can be so intense that one may not be able to comprehend unless you are the one in the picture yourself.
So I believe each has its own judgement to decide what is best for his/her happiness.
hi gooseberry,
On the part you mentioned that he felt you over-reacted, care to share a few examples of situations where he got angry over your over-reaction (try to be more neutral if possible, less emotions involved)? Maybe i can try to put myself in his shoes to understand his viewpoint. Finally on the emotional attachment or physical (if any) with fren, I think you should be alone for a period to think through your true emotions before divorcing and continuing to commit the adultery and affecting your judgement. I would say, a period of solace. Based on your words, seems like you are at fault too for getting so emotionally attached to your fren despite the state of your marriage.
On the part you mentioned that he felt you over-reacted, care to share a few examples of situations where he got angry over your over-reaction (try to be more neutral if possible, less emotions involved)? Maybe i can try to put myself in his shoes to understand his viewpoint. Finally on the emotional attachment or physical (if any) with fren, I think you should be alone for a period to think through your true emotions before divorcing and continuing to commit the adultery and affecting your judgement. I would say, a period of solace. Based on your words, seems like you are at fault too for getting so emotionally attached to your fren despite the state of your marriage.
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Sadgirl123
New Member
Mimiyang, how to you face him during the process of divorce? I thought of filing the divorce, but seems like everytime when i said about this. He will threaten about anything...i wonder if i can continue to stay in the house.
I'm living in this same situation. Even talking calmly about issues in a non confrontational way can lead to anger and vulgar words from his part. It is a very toxic relationship that should be ended.
ladies, man threaten when woman talk to them abt divorce is because they are in shock and do nt know how to react. So if they threaten and u will nt mention again so y nt right. In fact, no one will want to walk to the road of divorce, be it man or woman, so threatening remarks are at times only an reaction. However, some man threaten coz they cannt swallow the fact that it is the wife who initiate the divorce and nt them, ego and pride issue. So only u will know y he threaten.
gooseberry
Member
September: I agree w u.
Sadgirl123
New Member
Sept, i think for mine is because he dont want to see the kids suffer under single parent thats why he refused to divorce. I myself also dont want the kids to suffer, but i really dont know to face a man who betray my trust. Now seems like i am stuck...not sure what to do next.