Heartbreaking Mummy

[Lostkitty]

Hi All Mummies, this tread is a bit long and please bear with me.

Recently, my 3 yo girl has kept saying " I don't want ma ma, I want pa pa". She will said these words when I want to bath her & change/wear clothings. Also, when I scold or ignore her, she will also say the same words. Even drinking milk, she also wants her daddy and said the same words again. BUT, when come to sleeping or nap time, she wants mummy. All these happen after she getting serious illness 3 months ago.

For the past 3 months, my girl has being having high fever and I'm the one feeding her the medication while my hubby hold on to her. I'm wondering is it because I became the bad guy and therefore, she doesn't wants me. It pretty heartbreaking when she said that. She even trying to beat me and I scolded her for that.

When I wanted to feed or ask her to do something, she will beat or push my hand away. Even after that, I tried to pamper or soft talk to her also no use, she keep saying I want daddy. I even try to reason out or exchange something in return, she keep saying don't want and wants daddy.

For one instance, today morning, I tried to change school clothing for her. At first I reason with her if she let me change clothing, I let her bring biscuit to school. Halfway thru, she change her mind and wants daddy. This makes me angry and pissed out when it was halfway changing her panty. I forcefully manage to let her wear the panty while she cried for daddy. Afterwhich, daddy change school clothing for her but she keeps saying wants biscuit to school. I strongly said "NO" cos she did not obey me when reasoning with her. In the end, my hubby asked me to let her bring biscuit to school. Which he felt that just to keep her quiet down with the things she likes.

Honestly speaking, I felt my girl has found a way to shelter and get what she wants. Her daddy. Because most of the times, she gets what she wants. But my hubby felt the other way and give it to her.

She LOVES biscuits so much so that can go without rice where I felt there should be a limit of eating it. I even told her that in order to eat biscuits, she has to drink alot of barley water. But no use cos she only drink 2 or 3 syringes of barley water. Her stool was also hard.

I'm pretty lost and heartbroken and pissed and was thinking am I not good in bringing up children. I did try to pamper and soft talk to her, but she just don't want me.

Am I too early to discipline her at the age of 3 yo? Has any mummies out there have experience the same things as me? What should I do now? Give in to her or just ignore her? Please advice...

 

[pixie ng]

tat's why mum's love is the greatest.... even though sometimes your kids dont appreciate what you did, but you still love them the same

 

[Lostkitty]

Hi Pixie, your message really melt my heart and it's really true. I never think of that and maybe because I'm too occupied on how to handle and manage my girl. But what should I do now? Give in to her needs? Give her more biscuit until she get sick? Please advice. : (

 

[MTB-2015]

If I am in your shoes, I will just pass everything to let daddy do. So that I have more time to rest and do my own things. 3 yrs is still very young, very soon she will forget this period of time.

 

[JJ2015]

My baby of 2yr is behaving the same manner. he will throw tempers, bites my helper and hit the other siblings when he feel neglected.
I had talked to him and scolded him to the extend that I try to scare him with a cane. Then I realised that from the day I cane him, he refuse to let me carry him and ran to my helper and husband instead. It broke my heart cos I handled all the stuff at home including handling the kids need.

So I decided to change my techniques. My husband become the bad guy while I try to spend as much time playing with him as possible. I wnt raise my finger or voice at him anymore. I have to be really patience with him. Now I am the first person he look for when he wake up

I feel that kids at their age will stick to whoever that he think pamper him / spending time playing with him.

 

[JJ2015]

so give her surprises and spend more time playing with her.

When she start to throw temper, distract her with other stuff. Kid at this age are attention seeker.
When my BB has nothing to do, he start to become destructive....look for attention..instead of throwing his toys all over the place, I give him a ball and ask him to play basketball instead or kick the ball.

 

[Lostkitty]

Hi JJ2015, at least you have a maid at home to help you out on household chore. As I'm a working mother, most of the household chore I need to do after work. How can I play with her? That was the time that my hubby can help out.

Furthermore, I put her to sleep at around 9pm. That was the only time I tell story book and sing song with her.

 

[pixie ng]

i'm not a mother yet.. but i definitely will not give in to my child (in future). i think i will consider myself a strict mum

 

[gohalison]

Hi Lostkitty, my boy used to say that very often when he was younger. Maybe becos I prefer to be the bad person - in terms of scolding or even caned him when he touch dangerous stuff like playing with stoves or detergent when I'm not ard - my mil was the main caregiver. And hubby is bigger size and I'm worried that his strength too strong.

Each time he said that, I'll feel very hurt and angry, and will wonder what have I done to deserve all these, suffered during pregnancy and confinement and yet this heartless boy is saying all these to me.

I told him - he was 3 back then, that his words hurt me, and mummy is very sad, and it is not nice to say such words etc, I always end with 'Mummy loves you'.. I wasn't sure if he understands what I said, but I just need to voice/let it out. After some time, he stopped saying those words. So it could be a passing phase? So don't feel sad by her words. She's still too young..

As for the biscuits, just be firm, else the poor child will keep falling sick. They are still young, they don't know how to control and how to stop eating..try coaxing her to drink more plain water so that it will be easier to poo..

Btw, he's 10yrs old now, I'm still the bad person, but he still hugs, kiss and say goodnight to me every night..

 

[moorspa7]

Lostkitty,

There is nothing wrong with the way you discipline your gal. If both you and your husband are strict with her, discipline her in the same way, she will not defy you and choose your husband. It is because both parents do not discipline kids similarly( which is hard and rare), the kids can detect which parent will give in to their demands. I am also the bad person, even now my kids are in primary school, their behaviour to me and my husband is different.

You are good in disciplining her, so don't feel heartbroken. I used to feel that way too, but as time passes, you know yr kids still love you the same, no matter what. Continue to discipline yr gal. It is for her own good in the long run. It is not too early to discipline at 3 years old. Cheer up.

 

[winter_hokkaido]

Lost kitty ,
My girl is opposite , she always say "I love /like ma ma "and when u ask if she likes pa pa she said "no "with shaking of her head. But I can see she still enjoys playing with the pa pa just that she prefers me more.
But strange thing is .. In the house ..I am always the "bad " one .. When she fall sick I am the one give her medi too , if she is naughty I am the one to scold her or even cane her .. But she still comes back to me . Her daddy is not as strict as me so I am the one discipline her most .
My girl also likes biscuit too but to coax her to drink more water we usually tells her if she finish at least half a cup of water then we will give her what she wants . It always works.

By the way my girl is going to 3 this year. You can bring her to her fav Plc and spend more time with her . I notice kids will only stick to the one who spend more time with her . Dance , play toys and do craft of even watch DVD together and laugh together.. Read bedtime stories before sleeps..

Hope these helps

 

[trinity4ever]

Lostkitty, my gal is like yours except she is even younger. She would cry & scream when I tried to cradle her to sleep & once her daddy carries her, she will stop. Lots of incidents to show she prefers her daddy than me. I went thru alot to hv her. Like u, I'm hurt. I'm a wking mum who needs to do house wk & I'm the discipline mistress cos her daddy gives in to her. At 1 pt, I asked myslf shd i also juz give in?

But i love her too much. Yes, 母爱很伟大。I would rather she hates me but grow up strong & healthy. 1 of us got to be the bad guy - is either her daddy or me. So i make this painful decision, I will be the 1 cos my hubby can't say 'No' to my gal.

Thk of it another way 女儿是爸爸前世的情人. I can only hope to hv a son who will prefer me than his daddy. Stay positive. It cld be a passing phrase...