Should I tell her?

[Mum_gx]

Hi all...
Jus want to voice my concerns and see if anyone has the same problem.

Recently my bil got to know a ger, n haf applied for a bto flat wif her. She is 33 this yr while he is 30. She is also a pr fr kl.

Due to her age, she wish to stay a family ASAP. Although eh haf applied for a flat, it will take 3yrs to build.

So we haf been advising my bil to try n have a bb now. He is reluctant coz he felt that they do not have the financial means ( personally I find it crap coz they r earning close to 10k n he is not giving a lot to the parents.)

My hub n mil suggested that they haf a bb out of wedlock now. N then use the bb as excuse not to hold any wedding, or at least not an luxurious one. But from what I heard, she is a down to earth woman, n I doubt she will ask for too much fr the groom family. Moreover they r holding the wedding in kl. bb likely to b given birth in kl too. Based on this, I will say that they will haf saved a lot as compared to holding a wedding in Singapore. My bil always listening to my mil n my hub, n in this case, he seems to have agreed wif them

Also, her family will b the first time marrying off a daughter.

I told my hub, if his brother is serious abt her, he shld marry her properly n then try for a bb. Not getting her as a single mother then try to use that as a bargaining chip.i find it selfish. Esp to have my mil agreeing. If she marries my bil, she is half a daughter. N if my mil is sincere, she shld treat her like a daughter. She is already a poor thing, having to live in sg alone to make a living. Why make her marriage started in an unhappy state.

Shld I tell her?

 

[moorspa7]

Yes, u should. Your BIL is not respecting her wife to be. The worst is ur mil thinks of such a scheme to save wedding expenses. Do u think ur mil will be nice to her in future when she married ur BIL? From what I see, she is going to suffer after marrying BIL since ur BIL is a mummy's boy.

You would be doing her a favour by telling her, but she can't let ur BIL knows it is u who told her. She has to make a decision whether to accept ur BIL or not, what may come after marrying him. Since BIL do not respect his wife to be by trying to make her pregnant so as to save wedding expenses, it feels likes a betrayal. If she knows this after marrying him, it can be traumatizing.

 

[Mum_gx]

Moorspa, I agree with u. But fr wat I know, she is anxious to haf a bb too. But I m not sure if she intend to get married after having a bb, or is she waiting for my bil to propose.
Fr a woman's pov, I feel that she shld protect herself. Accident is one thing. But if the hub to be is serious, then they shld try n follow the correct protocol.
But if I tell her, do u think it will cause a rift in their relationship?

 

[moorspa7]

I agree with u in following the protocol. If it is accident, then I hv nothing to say. However, if it is pre planned, it is not respectful. It might cause a rift in their relationship, if u tell her. The truth always hurt. Maybe u can try hinting to her what does she think if a guy is trying to make his girlfriend pregnant before marriage, as a means to cut down wedding expenses? At least, u will know what she thinks of it. Even if she wants a baby, for ur BIL to impregnate her in this manner doesn't sound right to me.

I just feel ur BIL's motive or intention is not sound or healthy in a relationship. It will create mistrust and cracks in a relationship. A relationship takes a lot of effort from both parties to build up and maintain, but it is so easy to break it in an instant.

 

[Mum_gx]

Thks....guess I will see how the situation goes n then hint her. Hope she knows how to protect herself

 

[meizuka]

Oh my..this is totally not right.
What if your bil leaves her after makes her pregnant, or for whatever reason, they are not getting married after she is pregnant? No one knows what will happen in future.
She will be left alone with a baby to raise.
I am sure none of us want to be treated this way.

 

[greenie81]

Actually, I think you should talk to your hub. Tell him your opinion and feeling and see if you can get him to see your pov. Then get him to talk to your bil. Leave telling the lady as last resort as you do not know how she will take it. This is a potential relationship spoiler, tread carefully...