SingaporeMotherhood | Pregnancy
October 2024
Getting Breast Cancer at 25 years old and 38 weeks Pregnant
With no family history of breast cancer, Kwa Lay Teng never thought that she would be the first in her family to get it. She was 38 weeks pregnant, about to welcome her first child, a girl, into the world. One day, she noticed a lump at her chest, above her breast. As she was already lactating, Lay Teng thought it could be a milk duct. “I was going for my usual prenatal check up so I decided to ask my obgyn about it. His face changed and he said, ‘Oh no, it’s not normal.’ He immediately set up an ultrasound appointment for me after the check up. The ultrasound scan didn’t look good, so we met the breast surgeon that day too,” Lay Teng recalls.
“I was asked, ‘Do you want to give birth today or tomorrow?’”
If I hadn’t been pregnant, I don’t think I would have discovered the lump. So I am also very thankful for my daughter. I named her Jemma, the “gem” to remind us that she is very precious. Her Chinese name has the word 恩 (“en”, meaning favour, grace, and kindness) in it to remind me to be thankful for whatever we have. She is really a precious gem to us.”
(See also: Breast Cancer and Pregnancy)
Deciding When to Give Birth
My husband and I were both very ‘blur’ at that point. We were in a bit of denial as well. I mean, we were just enjoying our last moments as a couple before our family became three.
We decided on the next day to deliver, went home and packed. The next day, I was induced. Twelve hours later, Jemma was born and then the next day, I did the biopsy.
When we had the discussion with my breast surgeon, I emphasised that I wanted to breastfeed. I breastfed my baby for about four days, and it was only after they confirmed the diagnosis, that it was breast cancer, that I stopped.
And of course, I was breastfeeding my baby when the call came. The exact words were, “Sorry, you need to stop breastfeeding your baby.” My mum came into the room and took the baby out.
Accepting that she had Breast Cancer
That’s when the news started to sink in.
I told my immediate family, like my parents and my parents-in-law. But that’s about it. I did not tell my extended family. The only other person I told was my close friend.
At that point in time, I was still struggling to digest the information. I didn’t know how to tell anyone, because it’s not a positive thing to share, is it? How was the person going to react? What was I trying to get from telling them? I didn’t have an answer to that.
The first time I actually told my friends was during Christmas. My close friends always celebrate Christmas with me, because my birthday is on the same date. They accidentally posted an Instagram Story in which I was bald, with no eyebrows. Then people started asking what happened. I’m thankful for that, because I think that’s when I started to realise that I was struggling so much emotionally, and that it was time to get out of it.
Starting Chemotherapy
After that phone call from the doctor, I was scheduled for more scans. Two weeks later, I started chemotherapy. I did chemo first because the lump was big. And because I wanted to be able to breastfeed my second child, they wanted to try to conserve the breast. Miraculously, the lump actually shrank upwards away from the nipple, and reduced in size from 5 cm to 1.5 cm.
Being a new mum, a first time mum, was tough, but with the added complication of breast cancer, it was even harder. Half of the time I was just on my bed. I remember that I wanted to go down for a walk with my daughter, so I carried her in a baby carrier. After 10 minutes I was tired and panting. I felt awful. I could only carry my baby for 10 minutes.
Being Glad for Chemo
But I’m also semi glad that I had to do chemo. Chemo days were like my day away from the stress as a new mum. That’s because I am essentially out in the hospital the whole day. I have to do blood tests in the morning and then chemo in the afternoon. My husband would accompany me for these sessions so having that time away and spending time together alone was like a form of happiness for me.
The side effects from chemo were on and off; some diarrhoea, but mostly the loss of appetite, and fatigue. The fatigue was bad. Even after you slept, the energy did not come back.
At that time, I didn’t really carry Jemma much. Even feeding her, to be honest, made me tired. As a mother, I felt very lousy. But I also understood that it was just a side effect of chemo. There was nothing much I could do about it. The good thing is that Jemma was very young, so she didn’t know anything.
Having a Lumpectomy
After 16 sessions of chemo I had a lumpectomy. It was during Covid, so I had to go to surgery alone. I was in the ward alone. No one could accompany me, and it’s very scary going to the operation theatre alone.
But I think the hardest part was to see my hair fall. I didn’t notice that my hair was falling, actually. It was only after my mum told me that she noticed there was hair all around the floor. And then that was where the stress began, because it was approaching my daughter’s 100th day, and I wasn’t ready to go out into the world to say that I had breast cancer.
I was trying to preserve my hair as much as I could, until we could take a nice photo together. But it was so difficult. I couldn’t comb my hair, because if I combed my hair, a big chunk would fall off. Eventually I was stuck with braids that I could not touch, because if I were to pull at them, the entire thing would fall off.
I had shaved my head for Hair For Hope before, so I did not have a problem with being bald. On the day when my daughter actually celebrated her full month, I just asked my friend’s mum, who is a hairdresser, to come to my house and shave it all off.
Going through the Dark Days
I think I was suppressing my emotions because I was afraid that once I started to worry, everyone in the family would worry as well. So I kept telling myself, you have to stay strong.
But at the end of the day, when I was alone, it was difficult. When you’re alone, suddenly the sky gets darker, right? It was only when I finished my treatment and started to share my story… I think that was when I started to heal.
Benefitting from Insurance
I was an auditor for two years, and an accountant for another two years. But after my four-month maternity leave ended, I went back to tender my resignation.
I’m very lucky that I benefitted from insurance. I was only 25, and people generally don’t have insurance at that age. I got mine after graduation, when everyone was saying that the first step of adulting is to get your insurance done. So I was like okay, let’s get it over and done with.
It’s quite funny. When I was pregnant, I made a change in my critical illness plan, and when you do that there is a 90-day cooling period. In the fourth month I did the claim.
So I was very, very lucky. There were some issues, of course, as it was still near the waiting period. But I was very glad that I did that change. I benefitted so much. In the process I was also trying to figure out why I got cancer so young. There must be something more to it.
I decided that being a financial advisor would give me the opportunity to meet more people, to share my story, and at the same time, help people like other breast cancer survivors.
Planning for the Future
The hardest news was that I might not be able to conceive again. My husband and I both love kids and we actually planned to have four children. We even planned their Chinese horoscopes, like one would be a rabbit, one a dragon, and so on.
We did not do egg freezing as the doctors’ priority was on treatment. They also said that I am still very young, and they were all very positive about it. They are the experts so I just listened to them.
The one thing that helped was watching my husband grow old and watching my daughter grow up. And I always told myself, it’s okay. Don’t worry. You’re fine. You’re strong.
I think we became more open to each other. And we started to realise that life is really very short, especially while we are busy with everything. After I changed my job, I told my husband, let’s make it a point to bring our in-laws and our parents overseas every year. We just came back from Germany and Switzerland with my in-laws, and in December we are going to Taiwan with my parents.
Helping Others with Breast Cancer to Stay Strong
Now I do awareness sharing at the Breast Cancer Foundation. When they have corporate talks, they invite me to share my story. I also do befriending, where they pair me up with newly diagnosed survivors who need emotional support. I’m also the support group leader. On top of that, I’m helping my doctor with her programme for breast cancer survivors. And sometimes people reach out to me on Instagram. This is where I share my cancer journey and show that life after cancer is normal.
I have learnt that I’m stronger than I think I am. Through it all, as much as I had the support system around me, what matters the most is our own strength, and to trust the process.
I think my biggest fear then was, what if I leave the world? I had a lot of thoughts on that, like what if I am doing chemo and I have a heart attack halfway? It’s a mental challenge. I just kept thinking of my family, my daughter, and my husband. I’m not ready to leave them just yet. And I have so many things I want to achieve; now is not the time.”
All images: Courtesy of Kwa Lay Teng
(See also: Breast Cancer gave Aisha Jiffry a New Lease of Life. Now she’s Helping other Women cope with theirs)
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