Would you want to be informed if your spouse is cheating on you?

grapes88

New Member
If you have evidences to expose an affair to the respective spouses who are still in the dark, would you do that and why?

The couple started the affair while still in boss and direct subordinate working relationship and developed into a full blown affair, going on dates, lunch and visiting hotels. Both are married with children, female in her mid 30s with young children and male in his mid 40s with teenagers. They have been together for more than a year and their spouses are still unaware.

If you are in their spouses' shoes, will you want to know or to remain ignorant?
 


Yes. Better to know and stop before more wrong are created and hurt the spouses and the children even more. What will happen if the female got pregnant if they continue.
 
Actually I am more prone to expose them, especially when both of them were caught "with their pants down" but after we have gave them ample warning to stop, they still refused to break up and continue on the relationship by being more discreet and hoping that others will forget.

The most ridiculous act they did was to plan to meet at a boutique hotel on a Sunday at 4am in the morning, wonder what kind of married woman will be so desperate as to meet under such extreme conditions. But we just know for sure are very selfish people and love themselves much more than their spouses and children, and are willing to take the risk to lose their own family.

Am just worried their spouses will be hurt cause they seems to be very nice people.
 
Actually I am more prone to expose them, especially when both of them were caught "with their pants down" but after we have gave them ample warning to stop, they still refused to break up and continue on the relationship by being more discreet and hoping that others will forget.

The most ridiculous act they did was to plan to meet at a boutique hotel on a Sunday at 4am in the morning, wonder what kind of married woman will be so desperate as to meet under such extreme conditions. But we just know for sure are very selfish people and love themselves much more than their spouses and children, and are willing to take the risk to lose their own family.

Am just worried their spouses will be hurt cause they seems to be very nice people.
they wan best of both worlds. morally should stop them. send info to both family discreetly
 
家家有本难念的经.. simply translate 'every house has its own set of problem'. everyone looks good on the outside.

YES. no-one likes to be betrayed.

well.. from the other side of the coin, whether to expose or nt depends on what role/position you are in.
  1. family to their spouse: exposed them, please.
  2. friend: depends. exposed liao then you lose a friend or a few friends.
  3. colleague: actually not your issue. but if expose liao can bring along termination/demotion to them in turn benefits you... then go ahead and expose.
  4. friend of a friend: actually really not your issue.
End of the day, paper can't wrap fire. sooner or later cat will be out of the bag.

I share your frustration on things that aren't morally right. however, we have to note that up-bringing and integrity are up to each individual. how you lead your life doesn't mean ppl has to be the same to be right. there maybe issue in their martial relationship that they hv not make known.

as long as the person overall is a kind person and their doings hv not disturb your peace, you should weigh the choice of your action. of course you can drop hints (to them) along the way.
 
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Hi grapes88, so did you expose them?

Hello! Not yet exposed, still thinking of the best way to do so because i will only do it once. Actually I have photo and video evidences of them going on dates and going into a hotel at late hours but not sure how to show to their spouses.
 
Hello! Not yet exposed, still thinking of the best way to do so because i will only do it once. Actually I have photo and video evidences of them going on dates and going into a hotel at late hours but not sure how to show to their spouses.
Hi grapes88, if u do not want to expose urself to their spouses. U might want to get a prepaid card & send the photos & video evidences to them.

At least u don’t embarrass the spouses as their fren
 
Hi grapes88, if u do not want to expose urself to their spouses. U might want to get a prepaid card & send the photos & video evidences to them.

At least u don’t embarrass the spouses as their fren

my concern is you need to provide NRIC to register for prepaid card, cannot just buy over the counter and the video was 3 mins long :D

thought of sending to their spouses work place via snail mail but not sure what evidences to send, we have written report on when they took leaves/mc/half days from work at the same time, went for long lunches together, photos and videos of them going on dates, drinks, dinner, hotel. But am not sure how to expose them so that they have no chance to deny or defend themselves.
 
my concern is you need to provide NRIC to register for prepaid card, cannot just buy over the counter and the video was 3 mins long :D

thought of sending to their spouses work place via snail mail but not sure what evidences to send, we have written report on when they took leaves/mc/half days from work at the same time, went for long lunches together, photos and videos of them going on dates, drinks, dinner, hotel. But am not sure how to expose them so that they have no chance to deny or defend themselves.
Why are you in fear to register for a prepaid card? Anyway, nobody knows the video clip sent is from you unless u made known.
If you are sincere in helping them then u shouldn’t procrastinate for so long.
Honestly speaking, personally I dun see any risk & impact of getting a prepaid card if you truly want to help them.
Anyway, is your call
 
Why are you in fear to register for a prepaid card? Anyway, nobody knows the video clip sent is from you unless u made known.
If you are sincere in helping them then u shouldn’t procrastinate for so long.
Honestly speaking, personally I dun see any risk & impact of getting a prepaid card if you truly want to help them.
Anyway, is your call

Harassment law has been implemented since last year, in case you are not aware. Even if one wants to do something to help others, we must consider all options carefully before executing the plan. Was unable to get hold of the woman's husband mobile number so what's the point of just informing one side when the man will definitely alert the woman after his wife received the messages?

And also the guy is very good in lying and his wife is not very bright, by just sending very vague evidences with no explanations given, he will easily convince her that it was just a misunderstanding.
 
Harassment law has been implemented since last year, in case you are not aware. Even if one wants to do something to help others, we must consider all options carefully before executing the plan. Was unable to get hold of the woman's husband mobile number so what's the point of just informing one side when the man will definitely alert the woman after his wife received the messages?

And also the guy is very good in lying and his wife is not very bright, by just sending very vague evidences with no explanations given, he will easily convince her that it was just a misunderstanding.
Then what do u intend to do?
 
Then what do u intend to do?
I have typed out a very detailed "report" on their affair, based on combined eye witnesses and evidences on when they started, how, when and where they met up, managed to dig out they went 3 different hotels but definitely there are more which we didn't know. The report is more detailed than PI's report. But just by those words alone will not be enough to convince their spouses so have to let them see the videos and photos. There are total of 3 video clips, 2 on their dates which doesn't have any intimacy shown but they are happily drinking and chatting and teasing each other. The last clip will be the crucial one which showed them walking into a hotel while she was waiting for him at the reception and he registering at the.counter, then they left the hotel for a while and walked back in together. It was 11pm and the cafe at the hotel lobby was closed so there are no reason why they have to go into a hotel together unless it is to check into a room.

I tried to get someone to help me vet the letter but she seems to be reluctant to help, think many asked me to let them be, some said karma will get to them but....

So my plan is to mail the letter, photos and video clips to their spouses at their workplace address, but now so many offices are closed and many are working from home. And also I don't want them to track me down if I send via registered mail to their office.

Anyway, someone saw them at downtown east drinking and having a good time today. Seems like their love is still going strong.
 
I'm not so certain the spouses have no inkling of what's going on since it's so obvious to colleagues such as yourselves. Maybe the spouses are willing to 'believe' whatever half cooked lies that are spun and are living blissfully in ignorance?

I would want to know if my spouse is cheating but personally I would hate for the person to expose it to me.
 
I'm not so certain the spouses have no inkling of what's going on since it's so obvious to colleagues such as yourselves. Maybe the spouses are willing to 'believe' whatever half cooked lies that are spun and are living blissfully in ignorance?

I would want to know if my spouse is cheating but personally I would hate for the person to expose it to me.
As long as their spouses have no concrete evidences of their infidelity, they will remain ignorant to the signs which are very glaring to an external party, that is always the case because reality is harsh and many choose not to face it, maybe they didn't know what to do after knowing the truth?

Yes, the spouses will hate whoever who open up the wounds and expose them to the "pain" they have to face. I have no intention of being made known to them that's why have to do it discreetly without them finding out who am I but so far, I still cannot find the best and easiest method to do it, cannot just email to them cos not sure if the email will go into spam mailbox or they will trace back to my IP address and report me as causing distress due to harassment, even though that wasn't my intention,

cannot guarantee that the affair couple won't take revenge on me, especially the woman cos she was very angry when they lost their jobs due to the affair and threatened to do harm to the whistleblower...
 
As long as their spouses have no concrete evidences of their infidelity, they will remain ignorant to the signs which are very glaring to an external party, that is always the case because reality is harsh and many choose not to face it, maybe they didn't know what to do after knowing the truth?

Yes, the spouses will hate whoever who open up the wounds and expose them to the "pain" they have to face. I have no intention of being made known to them that's why have to do it discreetly without them finding out who am I but so far, I still cannot find the best and easiest method to do it, cannot just email to them cos not sure if the email will go into spam mailbox or they will trace back to my IP address and report me as causing distress due to harassment, even though that wasn't my intention,

cannot guarantee that the affair couple won't take revenge on me, especially the woman cos she was very angry when they lost their jobs due to the affair and threatened to do harm to the whistleblower...
Aiya... u scare this scare that.. dun let it be la.. why keeps asking for advise here when advise were given then too scare to do anything & keeps procrastinating
 
Noted. I won't comment anymore.

By the way, She has an account here, although not active. Her husband was an NUS scholar who has a few articles about him online and her photo can be found in one of the articles. Pretty young sweet thing. Just too bad for her family that she doesn't cherish them.
 
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Grape88, I am sorry but to say that you should find some other things to do instead of thinking how to explore other ppl affairs. I am not sure what is your relationship with this couple. But some how I sense u jealous of other couple or what (just my guess). Please let go of the matter and spent time with your family and love one instead...there are many other worth for your time instead of exploring other ppl. Just my 2 cents view
 
Grape88, I am sorry but to say that you should find some other things to do instead of thinking how to explore other ppl affairs. I am not sure what is your relationship with this couple. But some how I sense u jealous of other couple or what (just my guess). Please let go of the matter and spent time with your family and love one instead...there are many other worth for your time instead of exploring other ppl. Just my 2 cents view
from the details and all the evidence he say, this person is stalking them. a normal friend or colleague will not go to the extend to follow and get so much details and it's not done for one day but done over a period of time. he just trying to make it like he is upholding the moral and also to help the family involved.

anyway, if he really wan to expose them he doesn't need to hesitate so long. since he say the person involved do come to this forum, he is just trying to get the person attention or just frightening the person.
 
As long as their spouses have no concrete evidences of their infidelity, they will remain ignorant to the signs which are very glaring to an external party, that is always the case because reality is harsh and many choose not to face it, maybe they didn't know what to do after knowing the truth?

Yes, the spouses will hate whoever who open up the wounds and expose them to the "pain" they have to face. I have no intention of being made known to them that's why have to do it discreetly without them finding out who am I but so far, I still cannot find the best and easiest method to do it, cannot just email to them cos not sure if the email will go into spam mailbox or they will trace back to my IP address and report me as causing distress due to harassment, even though that wasn't my intention,

cannot guarantee that the affair couple won't take revenge on me, especially the woman cos she was very angry when they lost their jobs due to the affair and threatened to do harm to the whistleblower...


So someone has done it once. Exposing to their company. U wan to join but no guts.

You see them still lovey dovey, this fuels u to take things further by exposing to their spouses.

Let me remind u; IP can b tracked from all electronic transaction. CCTV are everywhere to track your motion. Fingerprints are on letter u write. Even now, the hardware and software u use to nicely document videos and write-up are all licenced w a user name. How ar?

They hv suffered enough damage.

I think u are not their family member. You over stepped your boundary. Why shld u b afraid of them hunting you down when u nvr offer breathing space?

得饒人處且饒人 dé ráo rén chù qiě ráo rén (“sometimes it's better to forgive someone than to persist on looking further into the mistake made by the said person”)

what goes around comes round. Let it go. Settle your own problem first before u look into others.
 
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So someone has done it once. Exposing to their company. U wan to join but no guts.

You see them still lovey dovey, this fuels u to take things further by exposing to their spouses.

Let me remind u; IP can b tracked from all electronic transaction. CCTV are everywhere to track your motion. Fingerprints are on letter u write. Even now, the hardware and software u use to nicely document videos and write-up are all licenced w a user name. How ar?

They hv suffered enough damage.

I think u are not their family member. You over stepped your boundary. Why shld u b afraid of them hunting you down when u nvr offer breathing space?

得饒人處且饒人 dé ráo rén chù qiě ráo rén (“sometimes it's better to forgive someone than to persist on looking further into the mistake made by the said person”)

what goes around comes round. Let it go. Settle your own problem first before u look into others.
dont scare him. the police wont get involve so dont be afraid will find out IP or finger print.

anyway he might be the lover of one of the them. doing this to revenge n jealousy
 
So someone has done it once. Exposing to their company. U wan to join but no guts.

You see them still lovey dovey, this fuels u to take things further by exposing to their spouses.

Let me remind u; IP can b tracked from all electronic transaction. CCTV are everywhere to track your motion. Fingerprints are on letter u write. Even now, the hardware and software u use to nicely document videos and write-up are all licenced w a user name. How ar?

They hv suffered enough damage.

I think u are not their family member. You over stepped your boundary. Why shld u b afraid of them hunting you down when u nvr offer breathing space?

得饒人處且饒人 dé ráo rén chù qiě ráo rén (“sometimes it's better to forgive someone than to persist on looking further into the mistake made by the said person”)

what goes around comes round. Let it go. Settle your own problem first before u look into others.

1. i have a question for you, what makes you think they have suffered enough damages when they brought it upon themselves for not listening to advise of friends who used to care?

the man was pre-warned about him losing his job if he continues on with the affair, he lied to his friends that they have broken up, but next moment they were seen together again at secluded places. Hence, they were given chance to exit from the affair but didn't and should have nobody to blame but themselves. same for the woman, someone alerted her that many people were aware of their "special" relationship but she didn't stop but instead continue and asked the man to try to pacify his friends to keep to themselves. Whatever they are doing in office has affected many people, including their own team mates and I guess you didn't know that both of them are playing politics too, the man was trying to transfer those who dislike them to another department and ostracize them by excluding them in department gathering.

So, i guess it must be retribution then, for losing their cushy jobs due to the affair, they were given chance to repent but didn't, so should we blame it on their raging hormones or his mid life crisis ?

He will be 46 this year and still couldn't find a permanent job.

2. And speaking of breathing space, they are given a lot of breathing space after they have left the company, in fact, an ex colleague just saw them having a drink at Obar, Downtown East on Thursday, 02 April 2020 at around 6pm. They are still happily together and meeting each other behind their spouses back.

3. By the way, by exposing their affair to their spouses, it is not considered a criminal act, so no police interception will be involved. i.e. checking ip address from email address, checking fingerprints on letters etc...maybe you have watched too much CSI on tv, but still you shouldn't discourage others from doing the right thing, even when you don't approved of the act.

4. Whatever that has happened or is happening to them is solely because of their own actions. Everything happens for a reason.
 
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

one deep slit is sufficient. They are almost 'paralyzed' (without their rice bowl). you just can't let go..

before you assume further, allow to me reiterate my stand. I don't agree with EMA.

point4: happened... solely their own action.
my qn: their own act cause their downfall. Karma works towards contributors. you want to contribute to it further?

point3: you are clear of the police's limitation. conscious should not stop you anymore. CSI.. CSI nvr show police investigating into EMA. but if you are found to be a nuisance, that's a diff story.. i suggest u thread the line cautiously.

Gentle reminder:
please reflect your own mental health.
your further stabbing will only show your weak mental state.
wther they are meant to be, it doesn't seems to be your point here. you are here to destroy.

well, if you think your move is righteous, dont procrastinate. you choose your path.
 

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