tiredsally
New Member
I don’t know if I’m valued at all.
Last year, he forgotten my birthday coz it was two days after we shifted to the new house. He said next year he will compensate to me.
This year, he treated his parents to $200+ dinner a few days before my birthday and then later on when I asked him where is my birthday present or ‘celebration’ he said he didn’t have the budget to give me anything but promise he will ‘compensate’ me in future.
It is like no one in the world care if I existed to want to be bothered about celebrating my birthday. Even if it is 3 pieces of ferro rocher chocolate and I will also be happy with it. But there was nothing.
Till date, I have $50000 bank debts because I used these money to lend it to him to pay off his losses in casino gambling and stocks and shares. He himself has $150000 bank debts.
Everytime he borrows, he promised to return very soon. Usually borrow 5k return 2k, then 3k takes forever… so overtime it snowballed to 50k over the past few years.
I have been wanting to break up, but he said he won’t return my money if I did. So I stayed on. We enjoy going out, dining, movies, traveling, etc.
But every week, we will have something to quarrel. Something small, and insignificant, but we will end up shouting, and him cursing me, cursing my health, cursing I will never find a good man and end up with a terrible man, cursing my family health, threatening not to return my money…
But after a few hours, we will become normal again. We talk and promise each other it will not happen again. He will tell me how much he loves me and how he will be nice to me if I can stop being so bad-tempered. He wants to be nice to me, but I will have to do it first.
And when he is happy, he is nice and listens to me and do things my way.
But when he is not happy about me after we quarrel, all sorts of nasty comments come out of his mouth and he will do things deliberately to irritate me, upset me, he will turn all the ‘secrets’ and bottom of my heart feelings I’ve told him and make sarcastic remarks and make fun of me, and he will say things like why my family turns out to be like this and has misfortunes is because of my bad karma… he can even say nasty things about my nephew and niece and siblings and curse them even though they have done nothing to offend him
But in ordered to ‘recover’ my money, I stayed in the relationship. We applied for a flat and got it. I really like the house but wanted to back out because I know I will have to get married in order to get the house. We quarreled over this many times and he said he will curse me and my family and create trouble for my family if I back out from the house.
So we got the house and got married… for one year now.
We had an argument and stop talking for a few days now.
I’m thinking of divorce. But there will be financial losses on the house so he won’t agree and I don’t want to have further financial losses as well. I’m hoping that even if he don’t return my 50k, I still can get it back from the proceeds of the house. Which means I will have to live like this for the next four years, being a ‘room mate’ on the same bed, hopefully I can recover the money, sell the house and earn some money and move on.
Some of the stupid things we quarrel:
1) I didn’t want to ride the rollercoaster with him and told him many times, which he thought I was joking, and when he realized I was serious, he made a big fuss out of it because he didn’t want to be seen as alone in the queue, so we quarreled. He shouted at me in the theme park, use ‘ah beng’ kind of attitude and gesture to lecture me
2) while doing laundry, one of his sock dropped behind the washing machine, so when he was folding his clothes, he realized that and came to me angrily why I didn’t do a good job and why I was so careless and insisted that I should stop my own laundry and dig the load to see if his sock was there…
3) cooked him dinner but didn’t cover the dishes up and left them on the table, so when he came back and saw the dishes, he scolded me and made a big fuss
4) usually I’m the one mopping and vacuuming the floor, and every day he will pick his nose and flick the dirt onto the ground without thinking, constant picking of nose while watching tv and he feels that is ok, but when he sees that after a few days of not vacuuming the floor, my hair are all over the floor, he will be angry at me for not doing my part
And many times during our traveling, we will end up quarrelling and go our separate ways, then after a while he realizes he didn’t want to be alone and will find him and tell me to listen to him or he will make my life super miserable and create trouble for me and my family if I didn’t go his way… so he will tell me that now that he has cooled down and talked to me first, I should not bear grudges, and he will tell me that I’m the one not putting in efforts to make things way and I’m the one making trouble for him
Furthermore, we only had sex three times in the past one year. Before marriage, it was also just a few times a year because I don’t really like the idea of premarital sex. I didn’t know this will become a permanent thing. He said he wanted to have kids with me in future but I don’t see it possible. It may or may not be a good thing to have so little sex, at least for now, I don’t have to be forced to do one more thing that I don’t enjoy because I don’t feel love by him at all. But I do want to feel love and appreciated and have a normal relationship and sex life like other couples. He always tell me that there are couples who are worse than us whereby the husband won’t listen to the wife at all, won’t do nice things at all, etc and that at least he does it some times, and when we travel to enjoy the luxury things we really have lived it all, etc
I’m thinking of keeping low for the next 4 years and then sell the house, split the money, divorce him…
I know it is so stupid not to move on, and I have already wasted my all my 20s on a lousy relationship and now I'm waiting until mid 30s before I can finally be free...
But what will I become when I'm finally free? Will I be able to find a good man and get married and stay happily ever after?
Last year, he forgotten my birthday coz it was two days after we shifted to the new house. He said next year he will compensate to me.
This year, he treated his parents to $200+ dinner a few days before my birthday and then later on when I asked him where is my birthday present or ‘celebration’ he said he didn’t have the budget to give me anything but promise he will ‘compensate’ me in future.
It is like no one in the world care if I existed to want to be bothered about celebrating my birthday. Even if it is 3 pieces of ferro rocher chocolate and I will also be happy with it. But there was nothing.
Till date, I have $50000 bank debts because I used these money to lend it to him to pay off his losses in casino gambling and stocks and shares. He himself has $150000 bank debts.
Everytime he borrows, he promised to return very soon. Usually borrow 5k return 2k, then 3k takes forever… so overtime it snowballed to 50k over the past few years.
I have been wanting to break up, but he said he won’t return my money if I did. So I stayed on. We enjoy going out, dining, movies, traveling, etc.
But every week, we will have something to quarrel. Something small, and insignificant, but we will end up shouting, and him cursing me, cursing my health, cursing I will never find a good man and end up with a terrible man, cursing my family health, threatening not to return my money…
But after a few hours, we will become normal again. We talk and promise each other it will not happen again. He will tell me how much he loves me and how he will be nice to me if I can stop being so bad-tempered. He wants to be nice to me, but I will have to do it first.
And when he is happy, he is nice and listens to me and do things my way.
But when he is not happy about me after we quarrel, all sorts of nasty comments come out of his mouth and he will do things deliberately to irritate me, upset me, he will turn all the ‘secrets’ and bottom of my heart feelings I’ve told him and make sarcastic remarks and make fun of me, and he will say things like why my family turns out to be like this and has misfortunes is because of my bad karma… he can even say nasty things about my nephew and niece and siblings and curse them even though they have done nothing to offend him
But in ordered to ‘recover’ my money, I stayed in the relationship. We applied for a flat and got it. I really like the house but wanted to back out because I know I will have to get married in order to get the house. We quarreled over this many times and he said he will curse me and my family and create trouble for my family if I back out from the house.
So we got the house and got married… for one year now.
We had an argument and stop talking for a few days now.
I’m thinking of divorce. But there will be financial losses on the house so he won’t agree and I don’t want to have further financial losses as well. I’m hoping that even if he don’t return my 50k, I still can get it back from the proceeds of the house. Which means I will have to live like this for the next four years, being a ‘room mate’ on the same bed, hopefully I can recover the money, sell the house and earn some money and move on.
Some of the stupid things we quarrel:
1) I didn’t want to ride the rollercoaster with him and told him many times, which he thought I was joking, and when he realized I was serious, he made a big fuss out of it because he didn’t want to be seen as alone in the queue, so we quarreled. He shouted at me in the theme park, use ‘ah beng’ kind of attitude and gesture to lecture me
2) while doing laundry, one of his sock dropped behind the washing machine, so when he was folding his clothes, he realized that and came to me angrily why I didn’t do a good job and why I was so careless and insisted that I should stop my own laundry and dig the load to see if his sock was there…
3) cooked him dinner but didn’t cover the dishes up and left them on the table, so when he came back and saw the dishes, he scolded me and made a big fuss
4) usually I’m the one mopping and vacuuming the floor, and every day he will pick his nose and flick the dirt onto the ground without thinking, constant picking of nose while watching tv and he feels that is ok, but when he sees that after a few days of not vacuuming the floor, my hair are all over the floor, he will be angry at me for not doing my part
And many times during our traveling, we will end up quarrelling and go our separate ways, then after a while he realizes he didn’t want to be alone and will find him and tell me to listen to him or he will make my life super miserable and create trouble for me and my family if I didn’t go his way… so he will tell me that now that he has cooled down and talked to me first, I should not bear grudges, and he will tell me that I’m the one not putting in efforts to make things way and I’m the one making trouble for him
Furthermore, we only had sex three times in the past one year. Before marriage, it was also just a few times a year because I don’t really like the idea of premarital sex. I didn’t know this will become a permanent thing. He said he wanted to have kids with me in future but I don’t see it possible. It may or may not be a good thing to have so little sex, at least for now, I don’t have to be forced to do one more thing that I don’t enjoy because I don’t feel love by him at all. But I do want to feel love and appreciated and have a normal relationship and sex life like other couples. He always tell me that there are couples who are worse than us whereby the husband won’t listen to the wife at all, won’t do nice things at all, etc and that at least he does it some times, and when we travel to enjoy the luxury things we really have lived it all, etc
I’m thinking of keeping low for the next 4 years and then sell the house, split the money, divorce him…
I know it is so stupid not to move on, and I have already wasted my all my 20s on a lousy relationship and now I'm waiting until mid 30s before I can finally be free...
But what will I become when I'm finally free? Will I be able to find a good man and get married and stay happily ever after?
