DunGiveUpSelf
New Member
Hi I'm initially hesitant to share my side of story, since most are ladies but I notice there are guys here as well. I wanna share this story, so that guys here, don't
make the same mistake as me.
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<part 1> how it began...
i'm married for abt 5yrs, i'm the typical boring normal guy. Work, come home, play computer games then sleep. I don't drink, go out late nights, no gamble or smoke.
while she is the more outgoing kind, she likes to go out with friends, even when she's home, most of the time she's either on her drama or on phone with her friends(close door in another room). in terms of look, average looking.
initially, all was good. No problems and all, then it started where she starts to take high MC count for work, for next few years, she's in and out of job. It got so serious that she went MIA one day for the job and I had to take leave, went down and talked to the HR mgr and pay a 4 digit penalty as she signed a contract.
During this time, I tried to be there as much as I could, a few times I followed her to clinics, hospitals, chinese treatment. None really helped, she just continues to be absent from work and in and out of job. It has caused alot of financial stress for me and I begin to really wonder if she's really sick or not, because there are many times I come home and she looks normal and just watches drama. Many times talking with her and reasoning with her would end up qurreling and she'll just flee to her parents house to avoid conversation with me. I had raised my voice before but I make it a point to change myself, after abt 2 yrs. I never raised my voice ever to
her again.
So fast forward this year and last year....I really did try...i changed myself for her in hope that she'll change for me. I had not raised my voice, lose my temper, cut down on computer games. I had hope to spend more time with her, it seem to have gotten worse and she just talk to her friends on phone even more and more tv dramas. To be fair to her, she did change also at least she's consistently working now, but seemed to be work related stress. she gained weight and less physically appealing to me now. I did bring it up to her, but she just simply ignores me and claims I complain too much. I feel hurt that she still remains mostly unchanged and I just do not know how to deal with her anymore, to prevent myself from getting hurt by her, I made a choice to shut my feelings, pay less attention to her, so that I won't feel disappointed by her again. In her defence, she said that I simply love money too much and didn't care about her wellbeing, but she always spend more than what she earns...if we keep up like that, we don't have savings and we can't survive....
In the end, i simply just gave up on her, if she can't change, of course i won't twist her arm and force her to change, i'll let her be and she's free to do what she wants. I begin to spend more time on myself, less time for her. I still have dinner with her and come back before 11pm to sleep. and that's about it. Little did I know my heart was already so disappointed, it had died without me noticing.
During these 5yrs...i made my own sacrifices for her, changed for her, maintained faithful to her. All I ask is for her to appreciate me and love me for who I am....she just don't...or maybe I don't feel appreciated enough. It was one day I told her, "You know woman in my office dress very sexy, can you like pay more attention to me? and try keep me and protect me?" I don't really remember what response she gave, I think she just ignored me. I was really so disappointed by her
response, it's like i'm hers, and she's not even bothering to keep me, and just let me be a meat out there, free for anyone to grab. It just stabs me further in my already hurting heart and I'm just so disappointed, I didn't know what to do....
Things just continue to go downhill, few mths back beofre the above incident, She emptied our joint account (few k) went to overseas with her friends(without me). only informing me after she bought the air ticket. Of couse I know money could be earned back....but there are days I really cut back on luxury food just to drop few more bucks into that joint account....and she just blew it....like that. Her response was "I'll put it back" but it's just like 100 a mth, going to take years to put back the same amount...I mean can't she see the sacrifice I made to build OUR joint account? and I made it a point not to spend on anything unncessary! not even expensive
restaurants on myself!
my heart is just pounded again with another disappointment, on my end i feel she's turning a blind eye, on her end, she just thinks I love money alot. Everything at this moment still going on as per normal, still go on dinner together, movie dates, just that for me, I no longer did it out of love for her, probably as a husband duty.
<part 2> common ground
seeking a place of refuge for my heart, I returned back to gaming, where I was outdoors much more often, most of time coming back before 12am and very rarely after 12. It was in this game, I met a small grp of friends. it's both a mix of guys and gals, i maintained a pure professional relationship with them. One day, i had indirectly caused one of the lady got into trouble with her husband, because she was out gaming with us and late by 30mins to deliver food back. The husband banned her as a result, I felt really bad about that incident and tried to made it up to her by helping her(together with others) in-game stuff while she is banned from the game, so
that she's not too far behind the game. all was well for the next few mths and eventually she would meet me up to game together, we do enjoy each other company and talk often. There were times I made it a point avoid her, cos we are both married and need to be aware not to be so close to her. Of course, it eventually ended up where I tried to avoid her more and more and I started to develop a liking for her. both of us still keep our relationship purely professional, unaware of each other deeper intention.as our friendship grew closer, i eventually trusted her and told her about my current marriage problems. She too, told me about her side of marriage problem. It's from there we found alot of common ground in each other, where our better half ignored and neglected our needs. Her husband was controlling, verbally abusive, throwing almost everything for her to do, angry for no reason(ie scolded her for walking too fast), walked out on her a number of occasions for no reason, even forced her to abort recently because he didn't trust the child belongs to him. All the while, She had suppressed her emotions, tell others she's fine, she had intended to leave but was financially dependent on him. I was thinking on my end, what a jerk he was and she's better off without him, except for finances part.
This point on, our meetup became much more often and eventually i started to believe myself i could be the 'one' for her since her husband failed to do so. I started to prepare financial plans, ensure i'm able to take care of her plus her 2 kids, and finance both our divorce. And since my wife didn't appreciate and every efforts i made means 'nothing' to her, I thought she'll be better off with someone else.
So over next 1 mth, we spend plenty of times together, i had moved out to live with my parents away from my wife, while her husband just continued with his verbal abuses to her, making her less willing to stay home longer. Needless to say we fell deeply in love for each other because both our hurting heart. And I told her we'll make our plans and i'll take care of her plus her 2 kids.
<Part 3> Busted
Eventually, her husband found out and tracked her via find my phone. And found her husband waiting for her when she came back. She txted me and I knew, the time has come. The husband has demanded to talk to me the next day. I agreed and the 3 of us metup and talked. Throughout the conversation, he's still blaming her and not aware nor sorry for the verbal abuse he had put her through. He thinks he's really very great because of the things he had put up with her. So I thought, ok, all the better. I could take her anytime then. since they can't still see eye to eye. So we agreed to settle on going seperate ways and I can continue to date her.
Just when I thought finally all is well and over.....the shocking part came.....few hrs later in the afternoon, she txted me saying "He broke down and cried, and she's giving him another chance again" there are more details in this, but I don't think its necessary to include that. I really really completely trusted her (weak pt of scorpio), made plans for her and her kids so that they'll be taken care of, had enough cash flow for our wedding, lawyers and our new home. @ the same time arranging divorce on my end to show here i'm serious and sincere. I had also told her that I knew he was going to beg down and cry, I had warned her abt it. She just said she
felt pity for him. So I thought, ok. lick my wounds, collect my dust and conclude the story and settle my side of things as well.
make the same mistake as me.
-----------------------------------------------
<part 1> how it began...
i'm married for abt 5yrs, i'm the typical boring normal guy. Work, come home, play computer games then sleep. I don't drink, go out late nights, no gamble or smoke.
while she is the more outgoing kind, she likes to go out with friends, even when she's home, most of the time she's either on her drama or on phone with her friends(close door in another room). in terms of look, average looking.
initially, all was good. No problems and all, then it started where she starts to take high MC count for work, for next few years, she's in and out of job. It got so serious that she went MIA one day for the job and I had to take leave, went down and talked to the HR mgr and pay a 4 digit penalty as she signed a contract.
During this time, I tried to be there as much as I could, a few times I followed her to clinics, hospitals, chinese treatment. None really helped, she just continues to be absent from work and in and out of job. It has caused alot of financial stress for me and I begin to really wonder if she's really sick or not, because there are many times I come home and she looks normal and just watches drama. Many times talking with her and reasoning with her would end up qurreling and she'll just flee to her parents house to avoid conversation with me. I had raised my voice before but I make it a point to change myself, after abt 2 yrs. I never raised my voice ever to
her again.
So fast forward this year and last year....I really did try...i changed myself for her in hope that she'll change for me. I had not raised my voice, lose my temper, cut down on computer games. I had hope to spend more time with her, it seem to have gotten worse and she just talk to her friends on phone even more and more tv dramas. To be fair to her, she did change also at least she's consistently working now, but seemed to be work related stress. she gained weight and less physically appealing to me now. I did bring it up to her, but she just simply ignores me and claims I complain too much. I feel hurt that she still remains mostly unchanged and I just do not know how to deal with her anymore, to prevent myself from getting hurt by her, I made a choice to shut my feelings, pay less attention to her, so that I won't feel disappointed by her again. In her defence, she said that I simply love money too much and didn't care about her wellbeing, but she always spend more than what she earns...if we keep up like that, we don't have savings and we can't survive....
In the end, i simply just gave up on her, if she can't change, of course i won't twist her arm and force her to change, i'll let her be and she's free to do what she wants. I begin to spend more time on myself, less time for her. I still have dinner with her and come back before 11pm to sleep. and that's about it. Little did I know my heart was already so disappointed, it had died without me noticing.
During these 5yrs...i made my own sacrifices for her, changed for her, maintained faithful to her. All I ask is for her to appreciate me and love me for who I am....she just don't...or maybe I don't feel appreciated enough. It was one day I told her, "You know woman in my office dress very sexy, can you like pay more attention to me? and try keep me and protect me?" I don't really remember what response she gave, I think she just ignored me. I was really so disappointed by her
response, it's like i'm hers, and she's not even bothering to keep me, and just let me be a meat out there, free for anyone to grab. It just stabs me further in my already hurting heart and I'm just so disappointed, I didn't know what to do....
Things just continue to go downhill, few mths back beofre the above incident, She emptied our joint account (few k) went to overseas with her friends(without me). only informing me after she bought the air ticket. Of couse I know money could be earned back....but there are days I really cut back on luxury food just to drop few more bucks into that joint account....and she just blew it....like that. Her response was "I'll put it back" but it's just like 100 a mth, going to take years to put back the same amount...I mean can't she see the sacrifice I made to build OUR joint account? and I made it a point not to spend on anything unncessary! not even expensive
restaurants on myself!
my heart is just pounded again with another disappointment, on my end i feel she's turning a blind eye, on her end, she just thinks I love money alot. Everything at this moment still going on as per normal, still go on dinner together, movie dates, just that for me, I no longer did it out of love for her, probably as a husband duty.
<part 2> common ground
seeking a place of refuge for my heart, I returned back to gaming, where I was outdoors much more often, most of time coming back before 12am and very rarely after 12. It was in this game, I met a small grp of friends. it's both a mix of guys and gals, i maintained a pure professional relationship with them. One day, i had indirectly caused one of the lady got into trouble with her husband, because she was out gaming with us and late by 30mins to deliver food back. The husband banned her as a result, I felt really bad about that incident and tried to made it up to her by helping her(together with others) in-game stuff while she is banned from the game, so
that she's not too far behind the game. all was well for the next few mths and eventually she would meet me up to game together, we do enjoy each other company and talk often. There were times I made it a point avoid her, cos we are both married and need to be aware not to be so close to her. Of course, it eventually ended up where I tried to avoid her more and more and I started to develop a liking for her. both of us still keep our relationship purely professional, unaware of each other deeper intention.as our friendship grew closer, i eventually trusted her and told her about my current marriage problems. She too, told me about her side of marriage problem. It's from there we found alot of common ground in each other, where our better half ignored and neglected our needs. Her husband was controlling, verbally abusive, throwing almost everything for her to do, angry for no reason(ie scolded her for walking too fast), walked out on her a number of occasions for no reason, even forced her to abort recently because he didn't trust the child belongs to him. All the while, She had suppressed her emotions, tell others she's fine, she had intended to leave but was financially dependent on him. I was thinking on my end, what a jerk he was and she's better off without him, except for finances part.
This point on, our meetup became much more often and eventually i started to believe myself i could be the 'one' for her since her husband failed to do so. I started to prepare financial plans, ensure i'm able to take care of her plus her 2 kids, and finance both our divorce. And since my wife didn't appreciate and every efforts i made means 'nothing' to her, I thought she'll be better off with someone else.
So over next 1 mth, we spend plenty of times together, i had moved out to live with my parents away from my wife, while her husband just continued with his verbal abuses to her, making her less willing to stay home longer. Needless to say we fell deeply in love for each other because both our hurting heart. And I told her we'll make our plans and i'll take care of her plus her 2 kids.
<Part 3> Busted
Eventually, her husband found out and tracked her via find my phone. And found her husband waiting for her when she came back. She txted me and I knew, the time has come. The husband has demanded to talk to me the next day. I agreed and the 3 of us metup and talked. Throughout the conversation, he's still blaming her and not aware nor sorry for the verbal abuse he had put her through. He thinks he's really very great because of the things he had put up with her. So I thought, ok, all the better. I could take her anytime then. since they can't still see eye to eye. So we agreed to settle on going seperate ways and I can continue to date her.
Just when I thought finally all is well and over.....the shocking part came.....few hrs later in the afternoon, she txted me saying "He broke down and cried, and she's giving him another chance again" there are more details in this, but I don't think its necessary to include that. I really really completely trusted her (weak pt of scorpio), made plans for her and her kids so that they'll be taken care of, had enough cash flow for our wedding, lawyers and our new home. @ the same time arranging divorce on my end to show here i'm serious and sincere. I had also told her that I knew he was going to beg down and cry, I had warned her abt it. She just said she
felt pity for him. So I thought, ok. lick my wounds, collect my dust and conclude the story and settle my side of things as well.
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