totally not related but i need HELP - how do i remove feelings for my relative

Darksoul

Member
hi, first of all, so sorry this is totally an unrelated topic. but i just don't know where else to look for tips and advices.

main problem: i'm 31 years old and this is so heavy, embarrassing and especially wrong for me to admit, but i think i have a crush on my 21/22 year old nephew.

years ago, when i was in my 20s and he was in his teens, we did have a good/close bond from family gatherings; jokes, teasing, talking about school and interests etc. of course it was just that but i felt that he seemed to try to get closer in terms of physical contact (i may be wrong!) and though i didn't reciprocate, he was somehow "friendly" and we still maintained a close bond until my ex-husband was in the picture and then when we were married and covid happened, we rarely met each other and it just stopped there. i'm really not sure if he was just being friendly or "friendly" or i interpreted wrongly but i always saw him as a lovable, nice and cute nephew who just likes to talk.

just recently during Eid visiting, his family came over and it was nice seeing him after years, just that he was shocked when he saw me because the last time i didn't wear the headscarf but now i am. but we still talked and all, like we did years ago, catching up. but we couldn't talk much because i was really busy attending to his family and other guests. he was just like his normal self too, without being "friendly".

however from then on, it's me. i can't stop thinking about him and how i missed our old time together, like i feel it's turned into a crush for me. like i keep thinking what if i did reciprocate last time? could something have happened? what if that time during visiting we did have more time to talk, would he try to get "friendly" again? now i'm just hoping and wanting to see him again. i hate it and it's just wrong and crazy. wrong because he's a family member and he's so much younger! i don't know what to do now. i just want to get rid of this feeling.
 
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Well, in my opinion, I think if 'crush' is still alright. I mean we all do have crush right? However, as he's your nephew, plus he's much younger than you, probably it's not wise to have 'crush' on him either. It may evolve to 'love', and by then, it will be more difficult for you to get out of the mess.

Try focus on other stuff. Maybe you just miss the time you both had together during young? Maybe it's just companion or he's consider as your 'good friend'? So maybe can try make more friends? Or go out with your friends? Or maybe find some like minded person (since you mentioned ex-husband I presume you are single now?) and focus your attention on the person instead? Gradually he will get out of your mind...

Stay strong!
 
@JL8118 i just want to say that u so much for not immediately scolding, insulting and asking me to seek help. I am fully aware this infatuation should not even exist. I didn't choose to like him at all and there are many men out there but it had to be my nephew. I have been crying because i hate the feeling and it overwhelms me. I don't know how and why it suddenly happened. Yes I'm single now and I'm going to try and socialize more and distract myself. Thank u for ur kind words ❤️
 
Well, this is a forum of sharing. There's no right or wrong. You can post whatever you have, and the rest can give advice. Of course some may be harsh and some may be nice. It depending on case to case and how one look at too.

The most difficult to control is 'feeling'. So well, sometime it's just lust or maybe just pure 'liking', and not really love. Feeling miserable may be that you put in too much feeling. So perhaps try to distant from him, and think about other things instead will be a better choice.

Yes. Try socialise more, and focus on other stuff. Who know one day you may find one whom much worth your time/thoughts/feeling? Someone whom have same/similar experience as you?

Best of luck!
 

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