Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

Hi Ser,

No probs, dr fong yang, i got hear his name before quite famous..but i jus like to say that ur next pregnancy, i prefer u to go to a pte clinic and not kkh..i didnt have a good experience with them, no 1 to 1 attention. I personally feel that if u really want someone to look after u and ur baby, its best to seek drs with "high risk pregnancy" experience, some drs will state this in their clinic "resume".

hi monster, glad that you finally decided to do ivf..please dont have pessimistic thoughts about disappointments or whether u are doing anything rite, etc..it really gives you alot of unnecessary stress which you do not need..also i really think you shouldnt worry too much about herbs (not advisable when u wan to do ivf also), u need to sleep well, eat normal meals and drink water..u dont really need to do anything extra, just lead a normal life, the dr will tell u the same also..you jus may need to eat alot of egg whites whilst you are doing your hormone injections, the nurses will inform u when to start taking them..

i agree with your hubby abt him not taking the op..my hubby and brother in law both had sperm abnormalities, they were both advised to do the op oso, in the end my hubby didnt do the op but my bro in law did and his sperm improved by less than 10%. In the end he had to do ivf oso, actually our method is icsi, which is like ivf but they inject 1 sperm into the egg to become an embryo, so as long he got a certain percentage, u both can still do icsi, the dr will advise which method is best for u..all my ivf's were actually icsi..

as for financial, it wasnt easy i have to admit..i even gave up my job just to do the 1st ivf, as i knew the chances of multiple pregnancy was high and alot of rest was required..i received alot of flak from my mil and sil, they really despised me and would talk bad about me in front of me and hubby..u knw my sil actually asked me to go to her house to "clean" for her and she never once invited me to her home before...we managed to get by for the 1st 3 tries but for my last try, we actually sold our condo and downgraded to hdb to pay for the last ivf attempt..it was our last resort and a gamble we took but it paid off..u may consider doing at kkh or sgh to do ivf if you are worried abt the costs, tney are cheaper than pte clinics and u dun get personalised attention but i think they are quite ok, kkh i heard had very high expectancy rates during sheila loh time, i do not know now cause she is with raffles hospital, she used to be the head of ivf dept and was my dr..u may switch to a pte clinic after u expect wich to my own personal opinion is better as i mentioned to chewy..but dun think so much about it now till u try, just go n get an appt and discuss your options with the dr before u decide, they will most likely ask for a medical check up and assess u first before they allow u to do ivf..
 


Hi SeR,
Wow,I tot u MIA! this thread has been inactive for a while.I'm fine.how are u coping? btw,have u PM me ur no.? I wonder if my PM is deactivated.

lucky3,
How's ur preg coming along so far? hope everything is fine.
 
Dear Mon!! Nvr heard from you for a long time. I am busy at work for the past month so seldom post.
Your PM is not activated! U have to edit your profile to activate the PM.
 
Hi Ladies

We are doing fine.
happy.gif
I'm getting more worried as the particular week gets closer.

All the best to all of us here!
 
Hi lucky3,
Glad that u're doing fine.Which period of gestation are u approaching? Well,at least u should pat urself on ur back for coming so far.I can understand ur fears.Are u having close monitoring? Ever considered buying a doppleflow handheld machine to monitor the baby's heartbeat by urself? take care,discuss ur fears with ur gynae.most of them will understand our fears.
 
Everyone can understand my fear but there is nothing we can do since we can't find the cause last time. My gynae said those machines will only make me more stressful as it's quite difficult for us to track the heartbeat unlike the professionals. He also told my husband to stop bugging me and let nature take its course. There will be more consultation sessions when the date is nearer but they are just to make us feel better...

Good luck, good luck, good luck!
 
Hi Lucky3,

Oh,is that wat ur gynae told u abt those handheld dopplerflow machine? I got in contact with one of the girls in another thread and she got one that's quite good.very ex though.$300.but it measures the heartbeat and gives out a red/green signal,indicating if the baby's heartbeat is within normal range.so i tot that is quite good.if u r interested,let me know,i'll fwd u the mail.

i agree there's nothing u can do.but does ur gynae agree that stillbirth mostly happen at the same gestational age? coz if u read the stillbirth forum,there seem to be a pattern.nothing will put u at ease,seriously,until u cross that wk uneventfully.UR hubby bugs u? for wat?

yes yes,good luck,good luck.hope for the best
 
hello ladies,
Forgot to share with u an awkward situation that hubby and i encountered yesterday.hubby and I went to B bakery (i must say that's my fav bakery) at beach rd & he bumped into 2 friends.i couldn't even reg the lady,but she reg me.the 1st thing she asked me was,"how's the baby?" I was stunned! hubby didn't even tell her abt 1st preg.she must have seen the photos in facebook.photos of me preg.i didn't answer,so she asked hubby,"how's the baby? u're a father right?" hubby replied,"no,not yet." and she didn't probe further.wat a weird situation.i asked hubby how come she knew,since they are only aquantances.the only thing both of us could think of is facebook.to think that ppl have so much time to go and look at photos and even rem that i was preg.hubby said he has taken down photos of me being preg.but man,ppl's memory can sometimes be good.i guess she's juz being very nosey.
 
hi ladies,

would like to join this thread. had recently lost a pair of twins at wk 32 and still grieving over it.

No doubt the painful memory is still fresh, how did u eventually overcome it? And to those ladies who are pregnant again or TTC, how did u find the courage to do it? This is my 3rd pregnancy, 2nd was m/c towards the end of 1st tri and now i had to deliver the babies stillborn. This twin pregnancy had been a roller coaster ride and doc was planning to deliver them at wk 33 but they are gone at wk32. So near yet so far ... It was devastating and the experience was painful, particularly the entire pregnancy experience. During the pregnancy, i told myself this is the last pregnancy as the experience is bad. Now, i dare not to think of being pregnant and especially with this stillbirth, i think i will go paranoid if i'm pregnant.

Any ladies here can share how they overcome the fear?

Also, i wld like to find out how did u console ur husbands? They are equally devastated but didn't want to express it infront of their wives.

Lastly, did u ladies go thru' confinment? i'm doing it now and really hate it. eat n rest eat n rest .... can't use the computer for too long, aunty say will become blind. so fed up.
 
Hi Kel,

I know words will not give you any comfort. Pain and fear will not go away.

It will always be there. Time can only heal the surface but the pain will be hidden deep down inside our heart.

If I'm 60 years old, I would probably convert my pain to hope. (Cos I'll be seeing my baby in heaven soon)

I could only rely on faith.

You are a wonderful wife to your husband. Take time to grieve and heal. There is no way that we can expediate the healing process.

Bless you & family.
 
Hi ladies,

how is everyone? sorry i have been really bz with my business lately so did not have the time to come in and chat.

just wan to share, a few weeks ago, we went to pay respects to my late boys..we placed them in a crypt at st anne's church in sengkang. we had not visited them since the birth of my son and i had thought the pain of visiting them would be lesser with my son together with me this time. but i was wrong, the pain of their loss felt as though it was yesterday even though it has been a few years now..i just broke down and wailed and wailed, luckily no one was around that time. sometimes when i see my son, i still feel a little sad like why he had to lose his brothers. my hubby told me to think of the good times now but somehow i feel that no matter what, they were also my flesh and blood and it is kind of difficult to completely put the past behind me.

hi ser, have you chosen the clinic to do your IVF yet? hope my advice helped you to decide whether to go for pte or govt hospital. do take take and will support ya all the way..

hi lucky, i think you should try not to listen to those handheld dopplers, it is very stressful..but i understand wat u mean..whenever i didnt feel my baby move for 3 hours or more, i will start to get very paranoid..i wouldnt rest until i felt some movements..later on as u get closer to the date, it is a good method to take note of how many movements your baby usually makes..then u record it down..u can ask your gyne if its necessary, i read in many books that they usually do this towards later pregnancy to keep track.

hi monster, i guess we cant really escape from such events..i faced such situations before..friends i had not met a long time would ask me where were my babies, knowing i used to have triplets..then i had to tell them the whole story on how i lost them..it kinda harden me in the end..dun let it affect you too much, soon they will just fade away..

Hi kel, really sorry to hear about wat happened. i been through your stage before. I lost 3 boys, triplets at around 5 mths..delivered 1 boy, stillborn..then 2 weeks later infection set in and i had to deliver the other 2 boys, 1 stillborn as well, though my husband saw the other 1 trying to breathe but stopped shortly..3 of them were by natural delivery too. i had another miscarriage 4 months after that delivery, heartbeat stopped at 8 weeks and had to be aborted. it was very hard and i went into a deep depression. it did not help as my friend had given birth to a baby girl just a few months back. i would cry day and night and was forced to do confinements though i hated it cause i did not have a baby with me. but i struggled through it cause my gyne oso told me confinement was very important if i wanted to conceive a healthy baby again.

like you, i told myself i did not want to get pregnant again as i could not face another loss..i felt so guilty back then as I felt i did not try hard enough to keep them inside me. i even contemplated adoption and surrogacy. I met up 1 of those surrogate Drs from India and was planning to travel there to do the surrogate program. but she adviced me to try ivf another time plus my sis who was trying for many years suddenly got pregnant and asked me to try her Dr. My husband also persuaded me and said to give 1 last try before going to India..luckily i did and managed to get pregnant, now I have a son..but it was not smooth sailing as I was very paranoid about losing the baby, the word stillbirth and miscarriage kept going through my head so often. every min the words kept ringing like a clock that I could not sleep at times and I felt as though i was going mad. there were many times i wanted to see a psychiatrist but was afraid that people would think i am crazy..

as for my husband, he cried openly with me and at times we would hug each other and cry together. we started to go for trips overseas just to get away and relax..it helped and as time went by, the crying and sadness slowly passed..so if it helps, just be open with each other and dun be afraid to let out your feelings..
 
Dear Mon
I really dread that kind of situation! Today 1 of my colleagues who will be due in
Sep expecting a boy as well kept asking me in the lift, how long break I took during my mc, how's my
body etc?? It's v awkard and I m trying very hard to avoid that topic and her as well *sigh*
Whenever people bought up the topic, the heart will feel super aching. It's a dread to go into the office
everyday, that place bring painful memories.
However another good news is my hb might be posted to overseas again. How I wish we can really leave
this place.

Hi Kel
Sorry to hear about that. It is definitely the most difficult moment but as time goes by, things will get
slightly better. U can share your thoughts with us over here. It's better to let it out as we are been
through the same.
For me, I know I will definitely go crazy for my next pregnancy. When I was pregnant with my girl, I was
paranoid every single day til the day that I gave birth. Sometimes I will Q for several hours just to
check on her heartbeat.
I had so much phobia on pregnancy that I decided to stop at 1 till I got my no.2 accidentally but lost
him at 5th month during Apr until now there was not a single day that I did not think of him.
If he is still with me, he will be due in another 2months. Time flies so fast when I was not pregnant.
I will be planning for no2 but I gave myself another 1-2yrs to be mentally prepared.
If you can, take a short trip with your hb.

I use the computer everyday during my confinement, it's my main source of solace.
Have a good confinement and replenish the nutrition loss. Take good care of your body.

Hi ecobaby
How's your biz doing? You actually reminded me a fellow girl in the mc thread a few yrs ago,
her nick is "puipui80".
You are mistaken, I m not doing IVF
happy.gif
 
Hi Ser,

yes yes..i was puipui80 a few years ago, did we actually communicate before last time :0) i lost the account nick as i did not sign in for a long time so just created a new one..sorry for the confusion, i tot u were doing ivf, paiseh..hahah, i can be quite blur at times..it can be stressful doing my biz at times cause i have to struggle with the time constraints and finances, but i prefer to be self reliant as times are so bad now and its a back up in case anything happens like retrenchment as my husband is the sole breadwinner now..how have you been doing so far? oh so lucky if u get to move overseas, i think its nice to get a change of environment..always wanted to migrate but lack of funds to do so now..
 
Hi Monster

I saw the BP on the doppler too but we decided not to get it. As the gynae said, it'll be too stressful for us to find the heartbeat ourselves. He also mentioned that some of his patients could only hear the stomach growling instead of the heartbeat.

My sweetie husband is of course as paranoid as I am so he will ask me every evening if I feel baby kicking. He was asking the gynae what he can do cos he knows he might start to annoy me if he asks too many times. That's why the gynae asked him to stop asking and let this poor lady take it at my own pace. So my husband is only asking me once a day now.
happy.gif
I will also try my best to assure him and ask him to feel my tummy when baby is active. He felt his movements and commented that this little one is stronger in his kicks.

This little one is a lot more active than his brother. I am not sure if it's the character, or it was really that his brother was already not as healthy all the while. I am still very worried if I can't feel movements for an hour or two, or even if there are fewer movements.

The gynae did some research and found that there were a few mummies who felt fewer movements from week 30. The heartbeats were perfectly normal but when they look at the trace (I don't really know what this is but should be something like ECG for the baby?), it showed abnormalities. The babies were anemic as blood was flowing back to the mothers. I did such test too when it happened and came back negative. So the gynae said that although it may not be applicable to my case, we shall do the trace too just to track any changes. I think since we can't do anything, he's also trying his best with these suggestions.

I just need lots and lots of luck!!!!
 
Hi Kel

I think no words can help ease your pain. Give yourself time to heal and there is no time limit. All gals here still live with the pain just that we are still trying to learn to deal with the loss which is still so difficult.

When I learned that he was gone, I knew I had to stay strong, for my husband and rest of family who love us so deeply. I take strengh from him and hopes to give him the strength he needs by spending time together. Even till today, we still rely on each other.

I love him so much and I know I want to bear him children. Immediately after the delivery (yes, on the delivery bed!), I told him that I will be strong and I want to try again. After we saw the gynae two months later, he gave us the green light and encouraged us to starting trying again. I might sound strong in this para of description but of course there were many ups and downs which we tried to get through together. He didn't show his grieve like me, maybe it was a guy's thing, but I try to let him know that I understand him deep inside. Even my mum and sister approached him personally to tell him not to neglect himself when most attention will be on me. I think it made him feel a lot better knowing that people can understand his pain, not just mine.

Take the chance during this confinement to regain your health. I am a strong believer in confinement food with all Chinese herbs and tonics. I took DOM and chicken essense apart from the tonic soups and red date drink. I know it is tough doing confinement in such situation. I don't think using the computer too much will turn blind, but maybe it's just a concern from your aunts that you will get too tire.

I am still paranoid. Very very worried. I was very stressed during the first trimester and cried easily while I miss that little one so much. Now I try to be strong with this little one in me and tries to stay as positive as possible.

It's easier to be said than done. We can only take one step at a time...
 
hi lucky,

i will give you lots of baby kisses and pray for you every night..hang in there and stay positive.. wish you all the best!!
 
Hi ladies,

Thanks for your comforting words. Indeed, no words can ease the pain in our hearts but life still goes on. In fact, we should be happy for our lost ones who are in heaven watching over us.

But still can't get over it. Everything is so real....from conceiving to their cremation. After i delivered the babies, I asked the nurses to carry them .... the feeling of being mum again just came back despite they aren't breathing. I want to hug them, kiss them, take care of them but ............. Game Over.

I try to be brave n face the reality but sometimes especially at night, i wld weep over it.

Ya, i also seriously doubt using the computer will become blind. it's just crap but i was quite pissed with the stupid statement.

It's less than one week n i'm sick of confinement. I am doing it at my mum's place and almost bored to death. Today buah tahan, ask my husband bring me home to rest. At least can do more stuff.
 
Hi Kel,
Take your time to heal and grieve. It's a hard and trying time. But Be strong and Hang in there. All of us here share your pains and sorrows.

Try doing at least another week or so of confinement. Just to 'tiao & bu' your body. Not sure about using computer but I was glue to it earlier. And I'm so glad the ladies in this thread help me past those painful first few weeks after the traumatic event.

Hi Ecobaby,
I didn't know you are Catholic too. I attend mass at St Ann. Are you staying in Sengkang area?

Hi Lucky,
STAY POSITIVE and may you have a smooth journey ahead. All the BEST !
 
Hi kel,

Try to hang in there and stay positive..it is a difficult time now but tell yourself that you can be strong for yourself and your hubby too.

Hi Chewy,
Oh what a coincidence! I used to stay at Punggol but now I am Pasir Ris. I still attend mass at st anne's, but not on a weekly basis, though I am trying to. I also married there, what about you? I miss Father Richard, my husband converted to catholic after attending his rcia class a few years ago, he was real good. He blessed my wedding ceremony as well.
 
Hi,

Thanks for your encouragement. I feel much better now .... tears are almost gone.

I guess i got the strength from God. It was a few days ago when i recalled that death means reunion with God and we should be happy that they are with the Lord.

For those ladies who are Christian/Catholic, maybe thinking of it this way will help to ease the pain. It seems kinda effective for me (at least for these few days)

Ya, will continue to do confinement ... just this morning, my relative came and gave me 2 big bottles of chinese wine to take...dunno when i finish them ... the first week of confinement seemed to be the worst and its over liaoz. Feels much better now.
 
Hi Kel,
I'm fr the stillbirth thread.sorry for not replying earlier.i've been really bz now that my postgrad studies have started.i know how impt it is to get a reply of some form.it was great consolation for me when someone relied in the thread.i was abt to tell u that the stillbirth thread seems really 'still'.it has been inactive for some time already.i'm glad u found this thread and the gals have replied.

my heart goes out to u and ur hubby.i wished i could hug u too.u must feel so alone in this world now.u must learn fr some of the girls in tis thread.they are so strong.a lot stronger than me.chewy,ecobaby,SeR are good examples.i was in a mess after the stillbirth.u can read my posts in the stillbirth thread.i shan't write it all over again.

i want to share with u how my hubby and i coped differently.i did my confinement at my mum's.my hubby only came by on wkends.he works till late on wkdays.i tot it's so strange that he can go on with life with no grief.he could even drag me to his friend's baby's parties.it was the most painful experience.it felt like a knife piercing right thru' ur heart when u c other babies.but i went,coz hubby sort of threatened if i didn't go,it meant i was not ready to try again.and he won't try again.after the 1st experience,i will make excuses not to go.to the extent i signed up for a course once (last min) to avoid going to a baby's b'day party.so i had an excuse for hubby.i'm on course! not that i didn't want to go,but i had to attend my course.for mths,i couldn't understand hubby.then he would be reluctant to try for another baby.he gave excuses like he didn't like the way i 'seduced' him,he was not in the mood.i was really upset,coz mths after mths,we will be missing the opputunity.the turning point came when i went to australia.that was the 1st separation we had after the stillbirth.we took a couple of hols after that stillbirth,but this was the 1st time i juz went to aus to visit my sis w/o him.chatting with him on msn is a lot easier than in person.somehow,we communicate better via sms and msn.i asked him how come he didn't feel any pain.on and off,he will tell me him not crying/verbalising doesn't mean he didn't feel the loss.but i couldn't understand if he felt the loss,how could he bear to c other ppl's babies,and can play with them some more.he finally explained he found out that his best friend's wife is expecting no.2.he feel like the world will be a better place if all his friend's babies die.such an evil tot,but it says how painful our experience is.then he admitted he was merely putting on a show in front of his friends.he cannot be a sore loser.me,on the other hand,will avoid baby gatherings,his friend's invitation etc.and i told him he didn't have to put himself thru' the pain if he didn't want to.i tell him we can find new friends.we cannot connect with friends who have babies anymore coz everything they talk abt is babies.which milk powder,which kindy to go to,which paediatrician etc.surprisingly,when i was preg,his friends will include me in their circle.their wives will call me,chat abt baby stuff,offer to give me advice etc.now,no more.i tell him,that's y they are ur friends,not mine.my friends are so sensitive.1 of my friend gave birth to a baby and i went to visit her with other friends.they were more concerned abt me.they kept asking if i was okie,and 1 of my friend even felt guilty that she was talking abt the baby.his friend!!! even offered us preg test kit after they got preg.can u imagine that! i lost a child,and i'm trying so long,and u offer me a preg test kit?? after i finally know abt hubby's true feelings,we are more 'united'.i finally feel he's normal.we haven't seen his friends with babies for the longest time.they don't call us anymore.and i don't care.i'm encouraging hubby to make new friends,enrich his life etc.

kel,
i'm part of an identical twin.i really feel ur loss,u know? u must have been so excited abt double trouble.and they were so close within ur reach,then 'poof'! no more.i cried and i cried and i cried for the whole confinement mth.but i was so keen to start on confinement,coz i knew i had to make my body strong to try again.so i told my mum to get my confinement food to the hospital.i started fr the 1st meal i could eat.i drank DOM only to make myself drowsy and sleep.i cried silently,worst still,i had no hubby by my side.and ppl always tell me i have to be strong,so i had to put up a strong front.but i tell u,i crumble.it's okie to cry.even now,when i read ur post,i cry.it's already coming 1 yr to the stillbirth,the pain has lessened,but i will forever be reminded abt it.while driving to work or back fr work,my mind will wander,and i will cry.when i hear the name chloe,i cry too.i wanted to memorise every aspect of her so that it will be etched in my mind.fortunately for me,this forum helped me so much.u will get better,u must believe me on that.i've been there.i believe everything happen for a reason,though i'm not christian/catholic.and when hubby ask how come it's taking us so long to get preg again,i tell him it's for u to treasure ur next baby more.u go read my posts in the stillbirth forum abt my in laws.i don't want to repeat it again.too much to write,and i can't stop when i grumble abt them.

take care of urself,u have us here.btw,which hospital did u give birth in? i delivered in KKH,and they gave me a book called 'farewell my child'.i find it's a very good book.chewy managed to read it online.if u would like to read it,i'm happy to lend it to u.
 
Hi SeR,
Sorry,wrote so much to kel,forgot to reply u.yah,aren't ppl at work sometimes so sickening? my nurses will ask me if i'm trying.when i went to japan for hol,one even asked me if i'm going to japan to make babies.so sickening,right? when u're trying with no result.i tot of going back to aus after the stillbirth too.if u have a chance to go with ur hubby overseas to stay for a short period of time,i think it's good,u know? a change of enviroment.it keeps ur mind occupied,coz u have to pack,u have to unpack when u reach there,u have to adapt etc.it's like a new beginning.not a bad thing to happen.

anyway,i do intend to sms u abt lunch.tis fri 17 july,can? wat time is ur lunch? mine is fr 1-2pm.
chewy,care to come down to raffles place to meet up with us? anyone else interested to meet up?

btw,ecobaby,i'm the one who was asking abt IVF lah.i think u got a bit confused
 
Hi Monster,

Thanks for your encouragement. I delivered in GlenE. I am pretty in a similar situation like u previously. Doing confinement at my mum's place alone. Only going back to my own place over the weekends. Sometimes the night seemed long and lonely and i feel so alone. Cry also must do it secretly....

Just like ur husband, i also noticed tat life goes on as usual for my husband ... like nothin really happened. but after reading ur post, i think man approached grief differently.
Maybe they just want to keep their mind occupied with work n work n work n won't have time to be upset.

Ya, doing confinement now .... sianz. Anywayz, did u suffer from engorgement? Kinda pissed now, i feel just like any mother who had just given birth, with all the 'symptons' but no baby.
sad.gif
Really suffering in silence. Those around us can't exactly feel how horrible the experience is unless u've been thru' it ... Infront of others, i gotta act brave n as if nothing really big deal happened but then each time i just got reminded of the incident.
 
Hi Kel,

Hope u r feeling beta as the day goes by.i know it's difficult,sometimes impossible.but try.u delivered at GlenE? who is ur gynae? fees must be ex.did u do all the test/post mortem on ur baby? i delivered at KKH and it did amt to a fair bit already.now i'm with NUH and i find the fees a lot more ex.i spend at least 3K+ at KKH doing all the blood tests and post mortem,on top of my delivery charges.all this money spent,then no baby.sigh.

u said something which sounded like it would have came fr me! u said, "i feel just like any mother who had just given birth, with all the 'symptons' but no baby".I think anyone who has been thru' wat we have will agree.i didn't have engorgement.but i had milk leaking.and i tot: leak for wat? no baby to feed.i took 2 pills to stop my milk flow.
 
Hi Ecobaby
So happy to hear from you as I have been wondering about you.
I am so glad that you have a son now as u have gone through so much as well!

Mon Mon! I am in Bkk now and will return next week. Will you be free next time?
Actually we can meet up with the gals here as well if they are keen to join us, can
go for a small drink after work as well!
 
Hi Monster,

Ya right....leak for what?!? i took pills to stop the milk but once the medication course is over, the milk starts coming....so pissed! Just got another course of medication from my gynae. Hopefully it will stop completely.

I didn't do any post mortem cos' the diagnosis is out as soon as I delivered the babies. It was due to placental separation. I was super super sway...when i conceived the twins, doc already told me i got this super rare syndrome called TTTS(Twin twin transfusion syndrome) and probably the babies won't survive past the 1st trimester (where the risk of fetal death is highest). However, they managed to pull thru' till wk 32 & doc was planning to deliver them at wk 33. Then at wk 32, something so tragic n slient happened. The placenta separated from the uterus sliently (i.e. no symptons at all) whereas in most cases of placenta separation, there will be bleeding. Doc said placenta separation is rare n even more rare when its so slient.

The pregnancy was a roller coaster experience, with troubling things happening at every stage. Just when i tot everything shd be OK already, then came this slient killer....Come to think of it, maybe i'm not fated with the babies.
sad.gif


The hospital bill was abt 5K+ with about 50% amounting to the doc's fee. The bill was much more expensive than delivering a single baby in GlenE. I'm hesistant to go KKH co's i heard alot of bad experiences from mummies who delivered there. All complained the nurses are not very patient.

Now u are pregnant? Congrats!
happy.gif
 
Hi Ser,

Thanks alot, actually if not for you ladies encouragement and support from the m/c thread, i dun think i would have made it through that darkest period of my life :0)

Hi kel,
so sorry to hear about your experience in detail..it must have been very tough on you to go through so much and my heart really goes out to you..i really hope that at times when you feel really down, just let go and cry..its good to grieve and do not be ashamed to do so..do try and talk to us more often, that way you can have us as a listening ear and also the support you need which you cannot get from friends and relatives. In my opinion, I find that those who have never experienced a loss of a child do not really understand what the feeling can be like and give advice that sometimes can hurt us even more..

As for kkh, yes..i agree with you..I stayed at kkh for 2 weeks and i think my bill came up to 10k plus..also the day i delivered my babies, i was not attended by a dr..They put me in a room with just a nurse and I will never ever forget what the nurse told my husband.."Do not call me until you see your baby's head coming out!" The rest of the nurses were good but I felt very traumatized by that 1 bad hat..it was good enough reason to go to a private hospital instead.
 
Hi SeR,
yes,next wk will be okie.but u must let me know which day.i've started my post grad,and the hrs are long.WOW! u're enjoying urself in BKK? do more shopping leh.i wanted to go BBK to shop recently,but coz of all the H1N1 virus at that time,and if i come back,must get quarantined,so didn't do in the end.

Hey ecobaby,
u're SO SO SO SO DAMN FREAKING RIGHT when u said,"do try and talk to us more often, that way you can have us as a listening ear and also the support you need which you cannot get from friends and relatives. In my opinion, I find that those who have never experienced a loss of a child do not really understand what the feeling can be like and give advice that sometimes can hurt us even more.." i always say that to my hubby when his friends are insensitive towards us.they will always try to tell us abt their pregnancy.so sickening,i tell u.u know,having gone thru' so much and on the verge of IVF,i think my hubby has started to understand me a bit more.he doesn't hang ard those friends anymore,but i'm not sure if it's coz he finds them insensitive or whether he's doing it for my sake.if he's doing it for my sake,i think it's a big sacrifice on his part and i will love him more for that.haha.yes,and for the KKH part,hubby heard the nurse said,"must call her gynae coz she's a paying patient." fortunately the staff nurse who was with us was very considerate.my gynae even scolded some of the older nurses who were helping us with the delivery coz she felt they were insensitive towards me.i think the older nurses who have seen so much don't give much respect to stillbirths coz no life,so no need to panick over the delivery.but they don't understand to us,they ar our babies......forever.

Kel,
come here to talk to us more often,like wat ecobaby suggested.u will certainly feel better,coz all of us have gone thru' the same experience.my milk stopped completely with the 2nd pill.i was surprised when my milk flowed,actually.i was tempted to try to c how it taste.haha.but in the end,i didn't.i know wat u mean.1stly,so much hope and joy when u discovered new of preg.then u get devastating news,but u're still hopeful and u pray for the best.amazingly,u get thru' it,and u gain more confidence,then when things are so close within ur reach,suddenly,it's gone.it's all that anticipation,all the hope,all the visualisation of what activities u'll do with ur babies when they are born etc. suddenly gone.i was very tempted to buy my baby stuff right fr the beginning.1st preg,so very excited.i had to curb my excitement and finally,when i approached 2nd trimester,i felt safe enough to start shopping for baby bot,stroller,milk bottles,clothes etc.i still have them now.don't know wat to do with them.they are taking up a lot of space.
 
Hi Ecobaby,

You r a very brave lady....really sad to learn about ur pregnancy experience. Well, all of us here got a sad experience to share and only us who have been thru' it can really appreciate what it is like.

Wah, KKH also so expensive...but the nurses really not very caring. Maybe they see too many everyday until they immune.

Monster,

U good leh ... milk stopped after 2nd pill. Me? Milk started coming back once i finished the 1st course of meds. Now started the 2nd course but can still feel the milk coming in, so painful & irritating. Doc says with the meds, probably will stop in 1 wks time. Sigh ... why i so sway? Kanna all the super rare things.

U r so spot on! "1stly,so much hope and joy when u discovered new of preg.then u get devastating news,but u're still hopeful and u pray for the best.amazingly,u get thru' it,and u gain more confidence,then when things are so close within ur reach,suddenly,it's gone.it's all that anticipation,all the hope,all the visualisation of what activities u'll do with ur babies when they are born etc. suddenly gone."

NOw i more or less come to terms with it. On gd days, won't think abt it. On bad days, no need to say..mind starts wandering. Really thanks to this thread where i get to pour out my thoughts n feel more balanced. But now when frens ask me how's my pregnancy...i oso dunno what to say. Tell them also dun think they understand at all since most of them r single.

Monster, u can continue to keep ur baby stuff for ur next baby. Can tell ur child 'this is what ur jie jie gave u....jie jie loves u very much'
 
Hello dearies,

1stly,Kel,did u realise i didn't answer the qn on whether i'm preg.i WAS preg until yesterday.I did not tell anyone coz i was already so stressed with the preg,i didn't want outsiders to add salt and pepper and make me angry with their comments/listen to nonsense ppl had to say.

well,i lost the baby.during a routine scan,bb lost heartbeat.bb had problems already.was 2 wks lagging in growth.got me so worried and there was never a day i stopped worrying.bb shrunk fr 6mmm to 2.9mm,so i guess it was a very clear indication.hubby took the news a lot worse than me.somehow,i didn't feel much.maybe i've been thru' worse.hubby had a lot of hopes for this preg.i can tell by the stuff he say.then again,he's the one who is always reminding me to be cautious,as we can never be sure wat is going to happen.but when i saw his eyes well up in tears,my heart broke.i know how much he yearns for a child.i'm going thru' all this for him.i put up with so much during this short preg.morn sickness,restrictions,and mind u,they are really ridiculous restrictions.but i couldn't fight it,coz if something happened to the bb and i didn't follow wat hubby/mum said,then i'll be my fault.but if i followed,then it's not my fault.i'm sure all of u know wat i mean.

surprisingly this time round,ppl ard us (who knew i was preg) felt a lot worse for us.i think it's a pity they felt for us.we have gone thru' a stillbirth,then took so long to conceive,then now miscarriage.even my gynae...it's all this compassion that makes me cry,not really the loss of the bb.i feel sad,but it's a 1st trimester loss,so i can accept that.it's juz natural selection.yesterday in the operating theater,she asked me if i was okie.i said yes,and she asked if i was really sure i was okie.i said yes again.then she stroked my cheek.so motherly.she was very diplomatic when breaking the news to us,but i already knew it fr the sonographer.i was very surprised by how calmly i took everything.i guess i've been thru' worse,so this pain is a lot more managable.i didn't even feel scared in the OT.in fact,everything is so familiar.but i'm usually the one doing the surgery,not the one lying on the surgical table.haha.recovery fr GA was very fast.the whole procedure was over in a wink.and it was painless.i'm going to have another surgery to cut off my uterine septum (which increases my chances of miscarriages) and then i will try again.but i don't know how long all this is going to take.but this preg really gave me confidence.after the stillbirth,we tried for 9 mths.i went thru a lot.private urologist at Gleneages (referred by the gynae i went to seek a 2nd opinion) gave my hubby such a bad report,like there was no hope to get preg naturally at all.i loved it when i told him i was preg.that look on his face was priceless.my hubby and i still laugh over it till now.

kel,
i'm spot on coz i've been thru' wat u have.maybe u've been thru' a bit more coz u had twins and u progressed a few more wks beyond me.but i tell u,only someone who had been our shoes can truely understand.i'm glad u find consolation in this forum.we are all here to help.
 
Hello all my listeners

Monster: Sorry to hear about the loss again but I like your courage this time round. When I lost the first one, I was really upset. When I lost the second in 3rd trimester, I was devastated. It doesn’t mean I am unfair to the first one but with all the expectations and bonding in the past months, I was really down then. Hopefully you will recover fast this time, mentally and physically. Things will go well after your operation. All the best to you, and everyone!

Kel: My milk was leaking the first week and even five months later! In my post on 22 May, you’ll see that I even have a scar now due to the drainage from the abscess. Just yesterday, I saw dried pus at the nipple and was worried that I am leaking colostrums from this 3rd pregnancy. After smelling it (yah, disgusting), it was a relieve cos at least the milk duct is not stuck now and the pus can sloooowly move to the nipple. Hopefully the infection will not come back again.

I find all ladies here getting more positive, don’t you think so?! Greeeat!
 
Hi lucky3,

yes,i rem abt ur horrible experience with the milk duct infection.i guessed u and kel haf crossed the 30 wk mark,so ur milk flowed more freely.how are u coping now? have u crossed that 'dreaded 34 wks'?
 
Hi Mon/ Ecobaby,

MIA for a while.. been on a roller coaster. Thought I was coping well but the body just didn't work the way I wanted. Was having so much cramps and pain the past weeks. Had went back to Dr and was shocked to find that instead of having the uterus shrink back in size. It has enlarged. Dr propose for me to take the Lucerin Jabs. It's really harsh on the body. Not sure if I want to undergo the treatment. Odd is uterus will continue to enlarge without medicine. And that will increase my risk of miscarriage yet again. And I was ovulating this week don't even dare to TTC.

Ecobaby,
did you have the jab during your IVF cycle?
 
Hi chewy,

Oh dear,i did realise u were missing fr msn for a while.hiyah,it's always ppl who already have problems who encounter more problems.tough,isn't it? hang in there.i think there's a reason y our body didn't handle a preg well.juz listen to wat ur doc says,i think that's the best.take care
 
Hi Lucky3,

Wah ... until 5 months? i'm gonna faint. Haven't read ur previous post ... been quite tired lately.

Monster, so sad to hear about ur loss...but u r brave lady. Meanwhile, u take care of your body. Need to do mini-confinement? The last time i m/c got to do
sad.gif

think of the loss pregnancy as nature's way of getting rid of an unhealthy baby. After yr op, u will get a healthy n strong baby. Stay positive!
happy.gif
 
I haven't pass that 34 mark yet, still a long way to go. But it's always a relief when this little one is kicking hard. I'll ask him to feel free to kick as much as he wants so that I know he's alright! I am still very anxious when he stays quiet for even less than an hour that I have to try so hard to tell myself not to be so paranoid.

Kel:
My mum took the medication to reduce milk flow because of engorgement and by the time she was feeding me, she said there wasn't enough milk. I took 3 tablets after delivery but when it was still leaking five months later, I decided not to take the medication just in case it really does affect subsequent feedings.

Do rest more, you have been through so much physically too and try to get back your health.
 
Hi Lucky3,

Ya, baby must kick more ...
happy.gif
You jia you, rest more & eat nutrious.

Wah...the medication affects subsequent feedings ah .. think i better stop eating. i took at least 15 days worth of meds. Initially, i wanted to ask doc what's the side effect of the med but before i get to ask .... he told me the meds won't make the breast smaller, then i laugh n laugh till i forget to ask. Then did ur milk leak often? or just a bit only ? did u express it out? :p or u just endure the pain?
 
Hi Kel

We are not so sure about the side effects of the medication. Just base on feedback from my mum.
happy.gif


I didn't dare to express cos they might produce more milk in the end, so I just bear with it. Maybe you can try applying cabbage leaf. My sis said it really worked for her.

Hope you are feeling better now.
 
Hi ladies,

i'm currently on MC due to my D&C last wk,so a lot of time to laze ard to watch tv.saw a drama (think it's quite old already) called first life on channel 5.it's a show on gynaes and babies.i cried! coz that episode was abt a couple knowing their child is not going to live long after birth and they were buying clothes for the baby's funeral.it really touched a raw nerve.

And i juz saw photos of a friend's baby,my heart is really hurting now.and i know at the end of the yr,there will be lots of births,i don't know whether i want to attend their 1 mth old celebrations/even go to the hospital to visit.i'm thinking of skipping all these coz it will make my heart ache even more.

the 1st anniversary of my stillbirth is drawing near.and it's the day i have to go back to my gynae for a review.I juz collected my med in preparation for the op to remove my uterine septum.i can so tell i'm going to suffer.i was given a bottle of laxative to take so that my system will be 'purged'.that's the medical way of saying it.i know that means i will be dehydrated,running to the toilet the whole night,and feeling terrible,all these b4 the op.i hope my hubby will appreciate all that i'm doing to give him a baby.i feel he's on a different platform as his friends now coz all they talk abt is babies.we don't hang out with them now coz he knows i can't take it.i feel guilty he's not in contact with his friends coz of me.but he also feels the strain.and the heartache when he sees their kids.i always tell him he can go out with them,but i don't have to be present.if he wants to go out with them,juz let me know.i don't know how i'm going to handle all these end of yr births.i don't know if my hubby will be upset with me not wanting to go.well,we'll cross the bridge when we reach it
 
Hi Monster,

I've been reading a lot of your post in different thread.

I had went thru what you've been thru as well. But unlike you, I'm too afraid to reveal or post it here. For fear of people recognising who am I. For fear of digging out the pain again.

I also don't think that I could pen down my thoughts/my sorrows like you did. To me, you are a very courageous women. You could face your real inner feeling without any hesitation.

But I'm not. I won't be able to tell people my story. I also won't be able to control my tears then.

I just want to applaud you and said that you are a remarkable women.

Take care.
 
Hi SWM,
wow!which thread did u come fr? u have so much time to read all the threads?y are u afraid ppl will regconise u? this is a forum,so no real names are used,if u want it that way.i'm the opposite of u.i can spill everything out in this forum,and not be afraid to get judged.it's good for venting my frustration sometimes.then i can appear calm in front of my hubby.

i juz broke down yesterday.don't know y,i was thinking of my wedding,so beautiful,i was thinking of how much i adore my hubby (& i really do.i have never loved a man so much in my life),and then the pain of stillbirth came back to haunt me.i keep thinking 30july is approaching.sometimes,the date seems so insignificant.i have a dinner lined up,and a doc's review appt.i didn't even think anything of that date.but other times,i feel so sad everything always happen in july,after my hubby's b'day.both times as well.and my tears flowed freely.

see gals,1 yr on,i still have my bad days.so those who suffered recently losses,u r entitled to ur bad days and cry until ur eyes pop out.but juz make sure as time progresses,u get more good days than bad days.to me,that's already a success.

SWM,how i wish those words u said are written by my hubby.if he can say that to me,i'll be satisfied.my hubby is an expressive man,but only when he wants to.and it's always during bad times that he will tell me he loves me.i know he does,but sometimes i juz need to hear it.and hearing it on a wkly basis isn't such a bad idea.haha.i'm juz a sucker for compliments.

u know ladies,today is my last day of MC.i woke up today,prepared brekkie for my hubby,sent him off to work,then went back to sleep.I LOVE THIS LIFESTYLE! haha.when we 1st got married,my FIL will insist hubby goes back for brekkie daily.he will also plan hubby's meals,will keep bugging hubby to go back to dinner.i was so mad then! imagine a FIL doing this? if it was my MIL,then maybe i will relent (but she's 6 feet under already,but i still respect her.she's such a sweet lady).i think it's a wife's duty.i felt it was so sickening.my hubby called me a 'xiao niu ren'.it's so strange,considering wat a power woman i am at work.but to me,it's a duty of the wife,and i do enjoy taking care of my hubby.again,so strange,right? considering my character.i tell u,my work personality does not match my home personality.i think it's coz i've experienced everything i want to have.when i graduated,i was propelled to a good income.i had everything i wanted,a nice house,a decent car,a lifestyle,work 1/2 day,meet up with my friends for fancy lunches,and lounge around the whole afternoon.i will attend fancy parties with good food and wine etc.but i was single.i broke up my ex b4 i graduated.a couple of my gfs were in the same boat.so we hung out,we set ourselves on dates.so much fun.but i finally found my hubby,miles away...haha.after knowing him online for a couple of mths,i finally took the plunge to come back to s'pore.it was a heartache giving up my career.i had a fantastic job and a lifestyle.i know coming back to s'pore will never be the same.i knew the transition period will be tough.i pondered for a long time.but i decided to take the plunge to date (only) him properly when i came back to s'pore.not internet/phone dates.i had everything back then,but i felt empty,coz i had no one to share my life with.i guess that's the reason y i'm enjoying married life so much.never tot i could settle down.but as ppl say,when u find the right man,u'll know.

well,i hope 1 day,i can give this man a family to call our own.and i hope that one day will come soon...
 
well, I saw your thread from 2WW about your baby. You were very vocal & say what you think.
That's why left an impression on me.

Then I found this thread recently and saw your name again.

Thou I don't know you nor ever correspond with you. But I just wanted to drop a note to compliment how brave you were. As compared to me, I dared not to share my story at all. Maybe I still have not recovered. (fyi, it has been 3 years already, also in july)

All the best to you and may your wish come soon.
kao_babydust.gif
 
Hello Ladies,

Had to MIA for awhile due to some issues..

Mon..really sad about what happened but i feel your strength and courage, especially the love you have for your hubby..he is a real lucky guy to have a wife who is doing everything she can to provide for him both spiritually and emotionally..i know that in time, you will be blessed in more ways than you can imagine..just do not give up on yourself!

Hi Chewy,
sorry but i cant really remember what jabs i took back then..but i know that I had an enlarged uterus as well..and it took some time to go back to normal..it was more of my lining problems that my gyne was concerned with..i had a thinner lining than normal so chances of not conceiving and miscarriage were higher..

Hi kel,

how have u been? i took the meds to stop the breast flow before but i also leaked..cannot be tempted to squeeze or touch as it will stimulate more..hope that the problem has stopped for u..take care!
 
Hi Ecobaby,

I've stopped taking the meds since the milk came to an almost complete stop. At least one less thing to remind me about. As the days passed, I've been getting better .... like all the ladies here, will still think about it occasionally. You take care too..
 
Hi SeR,

Yes,i was preg.i didn't tell anyone in this thread coz i wasn't sure how u gals will handle news of my preg.some may be upset.so i kept quiet.and i wasn't over 1st trimester yet.but the bb lost heartbeat at 9wks,so i had a D&C.today is back to work day for me.i'm starting work in the afternoon.i'm bracing myself for that.i'm going to tell my patients wat happen,so they can understand y their appts are rescheduled last min.so if i tell them,the nurse will know,and the whole clinic will know.

SWM,
u know,i cried last night.i didn't know y,but i was suddenly so frightened of 30July.I tot i could handle it.but as the date draws near,i hyperventilate.it's all that pain that 30july will bring back.luckily i have my hol to look fwd to.

Ladies,

I finally knew after nearly 1 yr,i've found myself again.my old self.i can smile like i used to,i can laugh like i used to,and i get excited abt travelling,like i used to.u know,the 2 hols i took after the stillbirth was a blur.to think the 1st hol (in Sep last yr) was to shanghai,where i really wanted to go.physically,i was there,but mentally,i was still a mess.things only started getting better in April tis yr.for u gals out there,time will heal ur wounds.so be patient.

Ecobaby,

hopefully watever u said will come true for me.i'm looking fwd to surgery,coz i know once the septum has been removed,it's going to give me renewed hope.maybe i'm lying to myself,but at least there is correction of the problem,and with correction,there is hope.not sure if this is self illusion.haha
 
I probably cried more than you. But I cried secretly cos cannot let family members/maid know. :)

I'm going to celebrate his birthday by buying a lot of toys & releasing some helium balloons into the air. Hopefully he can see our love is all around him.
 
Hi SWM,

Aiyoh,i feel so sad reading ur post.i'm feeling very down now.coz as suspected,1 of my hubby's friend's wife is preg.it's not so much of my friends.somehow i don't feel the pressure if my friends get preg.but when hubby's friend's wife get preg,i feel the pressure.it's so strange,i don't know y,but i feel the 'competition'.a lot of them are already on to no.2.i try to console myself by telling myself i'm one of the youngest amongst all their wives,so i still have time.and we got married later than some of them.

i'm not sure if anyone of u ladies feel like that.for my fam (some of my cousins are preg),i don't feel it that much.but i feel very very depressed whenever i hear abt hubby's friend's wives getting preg.somehow,i feel the only way i can 'beat' them is if i have twins.ocz none of them have twins.for this reason,i feel like going straight for IVF after my correction.it's a bit silly,isn't it? IVF may not work as well.and IVF may not always result in twins.

my hubby thinks i'm crazy 'competing' with his friends.but ard his friends,i feel it's always a comparison session.how much u earn,how quickly u have kids,how many kids u have,how big is ur house,wat sort of car u own etc.i feel like juz abadoning everything and 'running back' to australia.but that also means abandoning my post grad,a career i so painstakingly built up over the yrs,not forgetting wat i've given up to come back.if i go back to aus,i'm starting all over again.and if i go back there,hubby won't be able to go back with me,coz it means he'll be abadoning his career he also so painstakingly built up.i feel like i need to retract into a shell and shut off all contact with his friends.

i have once told hubby,when it comes to ttc,we are in a world of our own,coz every preg will now be considered high risk.i can tell him that,but it doesn't seem to sink into my mind.coz if i really believe it,then i won't feel the 'competition'.

Does anyone ever feel like me? I feel the whole world is preg except me.i've never felt so much pressure in my life b4.i tot i can handle everything that comes my way.but i guess for something like preg which is not within my control,i have no choice.sometimes,i wonder if it's better to admit defeat and change my mindset to accepting not being able to have kids.maybe i'll be happier.but it's such a painful thought.

SWM,
i would really love to hear ur story,but i guess if u tell me ur story,it'll really bring back painful memories.u know,up till when i got preg,i used to tell my Chloe 'mummy loves u',when i think of her.but i stopped when i got preg,coz i wanted to be fair to the bb.juz saying those words to Chloe breaks my heart.i don't know if i want to release balloons for chloe or not,coz it may bring back a flood of memories.it's almost 1 yr,but the images are so fresh in my mind.i can still rem the scene in the delivery suite.the physical pain i went thru,but nothing beats the mental and emotional pain.

i'm now taking 1 step at a time.hopefully god will bless me,i think that's the only thing i can bank on now.to some extent,i think god is fair.he takes away something,but he also gives u something in return.u may not realise wat it is now,but eventually,everything will make sense.sometimes i wonder if i'm put thru' this to test a couple's love for each other,or to strengthen our bond as a couple.although my hubby and i used to quarrel over ttc,and coping with the stillbirth,i cannot deny it has really strengthened our marriage.now,we're juz waiting to complete our fam.waiting....waiting...
 


Hi all, I am new here and happened to browse thru this thread and finally felt I am not alone. I felt so touched by all the stories shared (tho I havent read them all yet) and felt very strongly how the wonderful mothers here had gone thru the journey. I lost my child recently and it has been very tough journey as memories of him keep flashing in my heart and mind. I was looking forward to the right support group but couldnt find any until tonite when I saw "matters of the heart" thread. I hope to know you. Kindly pardon me if I may not be very expressive in open forum.

Lucky3: You are very strong. Read abt your 2nd preg and now you are preg again. Congrats. Hope to get more courage from you.
For the rest of moms, mother's love is greatest of all and knowing we love our child/children and they are still with us though just not physically.
 

Back
Top