Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

Hi Monster

You are in my thoughts too, I went window shopping and happened to browse thru some nice
infant boy's clothings and was thinking how nice if my boy is still around, very tempted to buy them too.

Suddenly i remembered you told me the clothes and toys that you brought and was thinking that you can tell your children next time about the sister that they have. I am intending to tell my ger about her younger brother too. They will not be forgotten and will always in be our heart forever.

My 1st mc happened in 2005 when the bb heartbeat stopped @ 10 weeks, prior to that, there was bleeding and dark brown discharge throughout that pregnancy too.
After 1 AF cycle, I've conceived my ger. This pregnancy was quite smooth sailing except
that there was fresh bleeding but only for 1 day during the early stage, 05 week.

You are really calm! I actually felt v depressed whenever I see red especially when
the doc could really do nothing except to prescribe hormone pills and jabs.
The worst is there's no specific reason for the bleeding! Other than bedrest, we can only
hope for the best and pray that everything runs smoothly.
Those with fresh bleeding who make it through is really lucky.

I am currently taking tcm now to improve my health and to make the body stronger. Hopefully
it will greatly boost my confidence before I dare to embark on the ttc journey again.

Actually I am still very traumatise by the whole issue - hospitalised twice for bleeding,
I was hospitalised for 7 days before the mc and for 2 days I was alone sleeping in the 4 bedded
ward, very bad mood swing too.
It's very lonely especially it's full bedrest except to the washroom and bath.
The doctor could not explain the cause of the bleeding too, like forever no answer and no
answer on when I could be discharged too. I was like a kuku bird laying on the bed hoping
everyday that the bleeding will stop.
Suddenly my life like being turned upside down, bad MS, bleeding and it's affecting my work,
my family and my social life as well. I no longer felt motivated for anything.
I felt so depressed that I actually tendered but the co persuaded me to stay and find a
temp to replace me until I gave birth initially.
Finally all this ended when I mc on the ward alone in the midnight. The labour was more painful than I gave birth to my ger. It's very terrible as the HO and the nurses were helpless, cannot give any pain relief too. I bled alot with extremely painful cramps and 5hr later,
the MO came to check on me and say that I was fully dilated. Just burst my waterbag and
went off like that. I gave birth to the bb and saw him taking his last breath.
Not only that, the placenta was left inside me for at least 2 more hours and I still have
to go for another D&C 3hrs later. I saw from the other thread, mostly were given GA and I was given epidural! I was awake during the whole process and actually saw what happened. There was alot of blood loss and I felt really giddy, neve felt that way in my entire life.
My back ached for 3 days after the epidural. There was no answer on why did all this happened?
I can suffer but my heart actually goes to the poor bb.
Felt like letting him down because of my bad body who can't hold him. Prior to that, I had a scan during the same day and he's so active,
kicking here and there, nothing wrong around the womb yet at night, I lost him.
Nobody had a answer to all these, I dunno how to prevent it for the next pregnancy too except to build a stronger body before ttc.
Tat's why I am enduring to do a confinement depite the hot weather. Whatever confinement food and tonic my mum
cook, I just eat, ask me to drink dom, I just drink. Trying my best to do everything I can now.

I doesn't know much about clomid. Is it heavy or light bleeding? How long does it last?
Hopefully it will not come again
if it bleed again *touchwood*, it's better to seek a second opinion. Are u seeing Prof Rauff now?
Perhaps you will want to seek the opinion of a good tcm dr as well. Hopefully everything will goes well for you.
 


Hi all!!! Its been 2 wks since i logged in..

Hi Joyful
Yes its my first baby.. i miss him very much.. i hav a preggie colleague in my office.. i dun really wanna talk to her now.. the day she told me she's preggie, my baby died... i dunno how to face her.. whenever i see her.. i feel that she took him away...


HI Monster

OMG! my baby died at 29th weeks too.. and the doc at KKH said exactly the same things too!!! Blood clots in placenta.. next pregnancy take aspirin.. wah lau... they talk machiam its nothing lo.. my baby died and u just tell me.. take aspirin.. duhz... i will change gynae also.. i will let my future gynae see all the reports and all.. then see wat he/she say.

u did a birth cert for your girl?? i dun think my boy have a birth cert.. tat's so sad.. oni stillbirth cert i think.. i am not sure.. my guy settle everything cos i could not really think then..

i still miss my son.. after all the hours of labour.. no crying.. nothing.. when i hold him.. he's so still.. he has my ears and mouth.. big eyes.. will grow up to be a cute boi. but he's gone.. really gone... when pple tell me i am young and can try again.. ha.. i feel like telling them.. u try to experience the same thing..let me know if "being young and can try again" works for u...


i wanna have another one but i am afraid that my next baby will end up the same... no.. i will be very paranoid.. but i really wan another one soon.. but my bf say to try during the year of rabbit.. that long... sobz
 
Hi Monster

I didn't have the courage like you to hold him. I was so optimistic after the delivery and told him hubby I was ok and I want to try again. I think it was the laughing gas. He was so worried as he understood it was not me. The whole thing hit me only the next morning when I was alone in the ward and tears started rolling down. It was actually a relief for my husband to see me back to normal-grieving for our little one.

My sis had her twins at 35 weeks, even smaller-sized than him. They are now jumping around, lively and cheeky who also play facebook applications with this auntie, but I lost mine at 34 weeks. Maybe it's really not meant to be.

I also lost our first one in week 7.

Well, lucky3 I call myself here, hoping that this time round - the third time, it will be third time lucky for us. I am in the midst of a new journey again after half a year but there is no one day that I stop missing him.

Wish me luck this time!
 
Hi SeR,

Ha,u are tempted to buy clothes for ur boy too? me too.whenever i c cute girl's clothes,esp when i'm overseas,i think of my darling baby girl.i'm tempted to buy.or i'm tempted to buy baby things 'in preparation' for the next baby.when in fact,i already have most of the things,juz didn't have a chance to use it.when i went to australia(i used to live there),i set my mind on trying my best to get over this.not forgetting,but moving on.we named our daughter Chloe,coz hubby's name starts with A,mine with B.so we are going to name our kids C,D,E etc.i saw this very cute wooden toy train.it's a carriage & u can connect the alphabets to make it a train.so i bought A,B,C.in memory of Chloe.somehow,that made me feel heaps better.

I feel for u that u have gone thru' so much.but aren't u juz thankful u have a child already? i'm still trying for no.1,or should i say no.2.wow,u had epidural.doc juz told me to take as much pethdine as i want to.also good.it drugged me a little,so i managed to catch some sleep.

yes,i'm seeing prof rauff now.however,she deals only with pregnancies.with fertility issues,i'm seeing prof PC wong,also at NUH.i go to the clinic so often,the counter girls greet me with my name even b4 i can fully step thru' the door.

Hi Cherise,

who is ur doc at KKH? initially,i tot since i'm in the medical line,i have knowledge of wat needs to be done during pregnancy,i went thru' the subsidised route,thinking i can save some money,even though we could have afforded it.if the doc missed out something,i would know & ask for it to be done.it was all smooth sailing initially.towards the end of 2nd trimester,i tot i'll go to Dr.Shamini Nair,as I want a particular gynae to deliver me & i think it's impt to have a qualified gynae delivering me,in case of emergencies.i don't want some MO to deliver me & put myself & baby at risk.

no,i did not have a birth cert for my baby.stillbirth not considered birth.it juz goes into the registry of stillbirth.baby's name not even put in,u know? juz states "daughter of XXX (mother's name)".

it happened to ur 1st birth.u're exactly the same as me.ur emotions too! after i gave birth,everything was so still,even the air! then in the other rooms,i hear suction,babies crying.my heart bled.i feel the same right down to the 'you are still young,can try again' comment.don't u juz want to bash them up? no matter how young we are,this is our baby we lost.nothing can make up for it.maybe time will lessen our pain,but never erase the memories.as 1 lady in the stillbirth thread said,"she will remember this until the day she dies."

i was ready to try very soon again.but i wanted to give my body a break of 1 mth to recover,at least.hubby always gave me false hope.said he's ready to try.then when i say it's a good time to try,he avoided it.made me so fed up.hubby had a bit more problem coping with it,i think.i was really nasty.coz i think i went thru' so much,it's more impt i heal myself than care abt other ppl.i told my cousin i couldn't hold his baby if i saw her.i told hubby outright i didn't want to go for his friend's daughter's 1 yr old party.to a certain extent,i think it helped.it was only recently that i think i forced it out of hubby.he feels exactly the way i feel.juz that he think he has to 'pretend' everything is alright.8 mths on,i think i'm coping very well.he would force himself to go to friend's kid's b'day party & pretend nothing happened.i told him he didn't have to do that.recently,a friend wanted to borrow our BBQ pit & celebrate his 2 yr old's b'day party.that was the 1st time i heard hubby said he didn't want to entertain.it's painful,very painful for u.i told him he didn't have to feel guilty rejecting his friend.in the end,we rejected his friend.never felt better for both of us to be on the same line.don't know y,been trying for mths already,no luck.it's coming very close to the day of the stillbirth.maybe i will take leave & stay at home to be with myself.

anyone interested in making more friends? maybe it's a good idea for us to meet up during 'b'day of our babies'.at least we won't feel alone.esp for ppl who don't have babies yet,better than hanging out with friends who go gaga over their kids.not that we are losers & don't want to hang out with them or touch their kids,but it's really difficult.if anyone asked me,i would say,"imainge ur kid dying on u right now,how would u feel? do u think u can touch someone else's kid?" it's rude,but ppl juz cannot feel the pain we go thru'.

lucky3,

u also no kids? aiyoh,we are all in the same boat.u are in the midst of a new journey? are u currently pregnant? if yes,congrats.how u conceive so quickly? i have double whammy,u know? stillbirth already,cannot conceive easily.my friend had 2 miscarriages,but she conceived after 3 mths.i time,i calculate,i even did one round of iui already.i'm onto 2nd round of iui.now waiting.hopefully i'll be pregnant.i've been thru' a lot.all the probing thru' vaginal,definitely not comfortable.all the blood test,HSG,rushing to morn appts,then rushing off to work etc.it's hard.
 
Hi ah mon

Glad to hear from you. Preferred to call u ah mon coz sounds better..haha..
You are always in my thought!

Actually Im thinking that if you dun mind, you can pass wat u brought for Chloe for her sibling.
Chloe is a nice name! I named after my ger Freesia, the flower for my wedding
happy.gif
True enough, I am thankful for her though she is undergoing her terrible 2 stage! Can u imagine that I am caning her and she can still laugh so happily
*faint*

Since u r in the medical line, we will be seeking your advise! Do u have good recommendation for good gynae? If not
I be sticking to my gynae in KKH for the 1st tri. ACtually I am v comfy with Dr Edwin Thia in KKH but then once I reach 5th mth,
I will return to Dr Joycelyn Wong in TMC.
I will prefer to return to TMC, Dr Joycelyn Wong. She delivered my ger in TCM.Compared to KKH, I rec'd better treatment in TMC.

I've seen Dr Thia yesterday, he explained to me that bb is healthy but the womb kept bleeding with blood clot hence the body was trying to expel everything including bb. I felt I let bb down.
Hence be4 I TTC, he arranged me to see him again for an ultrascan to make sure the womb is in good order then she will
prescribe folic to me. If I get pregnant, he will prescribe hormone pills to me in the 1st tri to stabilise the womb.
The TCM doc will prescribe "An tai yao" throughout the whole pregnancy too, hope it works. I've already tried my best.

Hope everything goes well for us.

Include me too! I am keen in making friends especially those who have gone though the same as us!

I've called my dept colleagues that I be returning to work on 25may but then she kept repeating me and bb no fate and then her gd friend with the same due date is expecting a son as well.
I really dread of facing them.
 
Hi ladies

So sorry to hear about your losses. My heart goes out to each one of you.

Reading thru this thread really brought up memories of my first baby boy lost at 22 weeks. No heartbeat found at a routine check-up. just like that, the child I've been waiting for after 18 months of TTC just left. It was truly a horrible time and till this day, coming to 2 years later, at times when i think about him tears will still flow.

Call me plain unfortunate...i had further 2 1st trimester miscarriages after the first loss....with the most recent one 2 months ago. My heart had bled a million times over the deaths and i really felt like a failure and a total loser...seeing all my peers having healthy babies whereas my arms are still achingly empty.

I do not know when and IF I can ever be a mommy here on earth, but I still try to summon whatever hope and courage i have left to TTC again in the near future after a period of rest.

Wishing that all will go well for us here and that we will achieve our hearts' desire soon.
 
SeR

Just want to warn you how difficult it is to go back to work. I was surprised that a few nosey ones who are supposed to know everything in the office still asked me "How's your baby?" and I felt like giving him a tight slap. My big boss was nice enough to pass on the message to the whole office when it happened so as to prepare my return but there are still insensitive Bast***d! (I usually dont swear!) I don't think he didn't get the message. I really needed lots of courage everyday I step into the office and seeing other colleagues whose tummy started to buldge. Actually I tried to stay as my desk and not to socialise. I will just get water from the pantry and leave quickly. I do smile and acknowledge other colleagues. Most are still nice people but I try not to let them have any chance to strike any conversations. How can they understand our pain?

Hope you will be mentally prepared and I am sure you will be stronger than I was.

OK, my tips for conceiving. Our first and second time within three months and this time the forth month. We reckon that it was the Vitamin C tablet with Zinc. The first was a honeymoon baby when we were taking Vit C everyday, so we tried taking one week before the big O and it worked for us. Zinc, which oysters contain, is good for him (you know what I mean, kekeke). Vit C, as an anti-oxident is known to improve quality of sperms and our mucus. Note that these are the theories we figured out ourselves. The cheaper brands like Watsons did the trick too. When it didn't happen the the first few months, I told my hubby if they can't meet, they just can't meet. We were really lucky and hopefully the luck follows us throughout.

My gynae said that our problem is not with conceiving but sustaining the pregnancy. Since we couldn't find the reason last time, we can only pray really hard this time round. I still have a long way to go and I don't know how I will take it when it comes to near week 34 again.
 
Hi SeR,

i read ur post twice,i tot it was someone else u were talking to! haha.Ah mon,kind of cute.i'm not all that scary afterall.this nick came fr my family.i used to eat a lot when i was a teenage,but i was never fat.so my family called me monster.

u know,the name Chloe was decided even when i got married.i love the name & my husband loves it too.we were casually chatting one day & we both agreed if we have a daughter,we'll name her chloe.but we had such a hard time deciding on her chinese name.in the end,we haven't even decided.

Freesia is such a cute little girl's name too.sounds like a girl who is free spirited.

initially,i wanted to sell all of chloe's stuff.and buy again if i get pregnant.coz if i get pregnant again,the emotions will be different.i guess part of the fun was getting ready for the arrival of the baby,buying all these stuff etc.in the end,i decided against it coz all chloe's clothes are fr overseas.kind of a waste & they are really so cute.even her stroller was expensive.so i'm keeping it for the time being.all stashed away in the storeroom.

as for recommendation of gynaes,i can't give u a good answer.personally,i tot KKH is very well equiped to handle emergencies.somehow,strange as it sounds,my pregnancy ending up in an emergency situation was always at the back of my mind.i chose the hospital 1st,then the gynae.in my opinion,KKH & NUH have the best neonatal units.that's y i chose KKH initially.so happen a friend of my collegue is Dr.Shamini Nair,so i saw her.I decided on KKH coz it was closer to my workplace,if there was emergencies,i could get there ASAP.and i didn't have to take too much time off work to go for gynae check ups coz KKH is nearer my workplace.

I've decided on Prof Mary Rauff now.i was quite displeased with Dr.Shamini for saying,"take asprin & hope for the best.the chances of a stillbirth occurring twice is very slim." i don't believe in that.i will want to take asprin,i also want to take all other precautions/monitor thoroughly & leave nothing to chance.surprisingly,PRof rauff thinks the same.the chances of 2 consecutive stillbirth is very rare.i tell u,if u read the stillbirth forum,it's not rare.it has happened to girls b4.as my cousin (also a doc) said,the percentage may be small,but if u look at actual no.s,it may be more common than we think.and there must be something that is predisposing us to the risk of stillbirth.I feel Prof Rauff's diagnosis makes more sense.that the enormous clot tot to kill my girl occurred after the birth.if u think of it,it's correct,coz after birth,the blood must clot for us to stop bleeding.

a specialist collegue of mine also told me something that made sense.prof rauff is older,she has seen more cases.it's not that Dr.shamini is no good,but the more u see,the more u know.although prof rauff is old,i don't have to worry abt her delivering my baby in future coz delivering a baby is not microsurgery which requires precision.so eyesight & hand steadness is not impt.i feel that is very true.and i feel prof rauff listens to my complaints and checks thoroughly.

it has been 9 mths,but i still haven't conceived.it's so frustrating,so painful.i've learned a lot abt my reproductive system in these past few mths,coz of the tests that were done at NUH.at KKH,dr said i should have no problem conceiving.but the pressure to conceive may affect my chances.i don't believe it.prof rauff also didn't believe it when i mentioned to her.my arguement is: if sperm meets eggs at the right time,pregnancy will occur,whether or not u r stressed.unless u don't ovulate.i do agree qualitey of hubby's swimmers may be affected,but won't be that bad,right? I mentioned during the stillbirth,it was discovered i have a virginal septum.so a few tests were ran on me.

i not only have a virginal septum,i also have a bi-furcated uterus! double whammy.i always say chloe is a blessing.she was conceived so easily.2 mths of trying only.1st iui failed.coz i ovulated on right.my right horn is smaller.and for successful pregnancy,the swimmers need to be deposited in the correct side i ovulated.complicated,right? only found out abt this after the HSG.so round 2 of iui,very good,i O on the left side,my better side.i'm also learning how to guide hubby to the left & i even guided gynae to the left while the iui was being done.i've always felt different during intercourse,now i finally understand.it's which side hubby is in.the mystery is solved.i'm feelign quite confident abt this time's iui,trying to keep my spirits up.i hope i succeed.i've gone thru' a lot emotionally,esp since hubby was not supportive initially.pray for me! the truth will be out in a few days.

SeR & lucky3,

i know a good way to handle these irritating ppl.juz be straightfwd.hubby was really afraid of 'offending' ppl,will force himself to go for baby's b'day parties etc.but i'm different.i juz tell them i cannot handle these and i won't be going.i feel a lot better,u know? it takes time for wounds to heal.i really hurt initially when i saw friends pregnant,cousins pregnant etc.and aunties will be going on & on abt baby stuff in front of me.no tact at all.juz walk away.do anything that will make u feel good.if u want to scold these ppl,juz scold.during the 1st few mths after the stillbirth,i told myself that my wellbeing is the most impt,since i've been thru' so much.so i was not afraid to tell ppl i still cannot handle being ard their babies.

cynn,

hugs.my heart goes out to u.pls be encouraged.tell u a story that happened to my good friend.she's a doc.side track a bit.okie gals,i'm a dentist.must say this,otherwise wat i'm going to say doesn't make sense.hubby said,"y so difficult for all u docs & dentists to get pregnant & have smooth pregnnacies?" my doc friend:1st preg - ectopic pregnancy.got preg again few mths later.2nd preg - caught bug where she was working (polyclinic),high fever,miscarriage.she juz had s successful pregnancy.delivered a baby boy.not without drama.delivered at 34 wks.water broke.her hubby wasn't keen to have kids too,so it was very difficult for her to get him onboard.juz like my hubby.my hubby was keen to have kids,but after the stillbirth,i had so much trouble trying to 'entice' him.so her journey was very difficult too.she didn't give up.she would 'trick' her hubby.juz like i did to mine.terrible thing to do,but not a bad thing to do.u r certainly not a failure.u must have faith.if i didn't have faith,i wouldn't last till today,still tcc,though i'm not pregnant yet.i don't know when this faith will die out.but it's still strong.i know if i don't try,i will never have the chance.having said that,life is so cruel,right? ppl who don't try get it.ppl who try so hard don't get it.

like u,sometimes i wonder if i will ever be a mummy.whenever i c the whole cupboard filled with clothes,shoes,toys,books etc.my heart bleeds.i'm hanging on to words ppl say.sounds so silly,but i'll hang on to whatever it takes to get me thru' this.

okie girls,hands up who would like to make new friends,ppl like us.and who thinks it's a good idea to meet up on dates of stillbirth,miscarriage,EDD etc.juz so that we are not alone.

1) Me,monster - coming up soon.30 july.delivered chloe

2)SeR - wat's the date that u want to remember?
 
Hi lucky3
Thanks for sharing! Until now I felt very depressed whenever I think of work! So stressful that I will wake up in the middle of the night and cant get back to sleep.
I wonder is it a good idea to agree to return when I can just quit and change a new environment.
For my job nature, I need to liaise internally, some butts simply stuck on the chair, can't move and require me to "parade" to them a few times per day. During that time when I was pregnant, still require me to walk up to them for several times! I wonder is it them who cause part of my mc!
Somemore the whole office is very open with rows and rows of desks with not a single partition so it's inevitable to get "stared" when walking down the aisle. Sianz..now feel
v uncomfortable at tat.

Your male colleague is really insensitive and "bian tai"! what's their motive of asking this qns? Getting a kick out of this??
Do they really feel shiok to dig on others' wound???

Do you feel better at work right now?

Congrats to you! Glad to hear about ur good news! I like your spirit! I m wondering
wat to get for hb! I will buy vit C + zinc for my hb as well.

Hi Ah Mon
haha..envy u..for me if I eat alot, I will pile up alot of weight!

For chinese name, we got a shifu to count the stroke. Do you believe in tat?
Any idea in a boy's name? I always find that naming a gal is easier than a bb. I really dun have any idea in boy's name. Perhaps It's also time for plan the next set of bb names.

I read up a blog on a ger with several mc and she's seeing Prof Rauff on her latest pregnancy and she have very good reviews on her.
During the 1st tri, she bled and after seeing 2 doc, she seen prof rauff who could diagnose on
her placenta issue and heed her advise to bedrest for 1mth, I think she should have given birth by now.
When I've been to kk for bleeding, none could give me an answer. All seemed to be young
and I always think that for some reasons especially in govt hospitals,
, all go by the book and are careful not to reveal much to their patients.

For 1st tri, I understand most mc are chromosome disorders, however in the later part of pregnancy
high chances of mc could be caused the body condition and we definitely want to know the root of the problem for the loss afterall it's us who suffered and carried the baby painstakingly
The ones who's suffering are us and not them, it's easy for them to take things lightly and just give textbook answers without finding more.
Perhaps they are not willing to spend more time too.
I agree with you too, finding a more experienced and good gynae will be better when she could just diagnose the issue with her years of experiences unlike junior gynaes.

Yesterday I met up with my frds too and she reveal that after doing the pap smear, it was discovered that she had the same issue as u too! The kk gynae say hers is the only 2 cases she seen so far. What made the matter worse
was the quality of her hb's sperms were not optimistic too.
They could only conceived through IVF and they were devastated to hear the news. They yearned for a bb so much.
Do u think IUI is suitable for them too?

Another of my friend is also stress about ttc. I actually felt that being stress will reduce the chances coz we did it not out of "pleasure" anymore.
It's stressful on both parties when u noe that we have a "mission"
I felt it when I ttc with my hb and sometimes we gave up halfway coz hb felt too stressful and cant perform.
It's only during a short trip when we relaxed and really do it with a lot of fun, that's the time
when I conceived my ger...heehee..:p

I understand that you suffer alot, sometimes I felt v moody too. Other people just
could not understand why are we feeling that way and think that it's easy to get over it.
Only those who go through can understand how we feel.
I am praying hard for you too. It's only when we see another positive line again, that's the
time when we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Looking forward to hear your good news!

True also, walking away is the best.I think I will just pretend not to hear or listen.
I know at least 2 person who's having the same due date as me and expecting a son as well.
This is so much more painful than my 1st mc during the 1st tri. At least during tat time,
there's no baby bump, no baby kicking and doesn't know the gender yet.
I felt especially sad when my little ger point at my tummy and ask me where's the baby.
Sometimes she will just kiss my tummy, I just can't make myself to tell her that bb's already gone.

My hb is reluctant to try for another bb as well, he say he's very afraid to go through the same
heartbreak and he felt extremely sad. When I was having this bb, he say he even smile in his dream and this dream
just turned in a nightmare and shatter so suddenly overnight.
Until now, I felt so moody and I couldn't sleep at night. To make myself sleep, I took alot of dom or red wine.
So far I finished 3 bottles in a month.
I know I will feel this moody forever until the day I see another positive line.
No matter how high or low the chances are, I wont give up.

As for me, what kept me going is the hope of the next pregnancy. I will do my best on the preparation
of the next ttc. Whatever ppl say is good, I will take. I even chew on a whole ginseng just to "bu" qi and
made myself to drink/eat watever tat helps to strengthen the body.
I just brought blackmores women's multi vits and also their gold pre conception pills.

1) Me,monster - coming up soon.30 july.delivered chloe

2)SeR - 07 Mar the date when I delivered my son.


Time really crawl during the pregnancy and I really feel that it pass so fast now! Scary!

It's good to meetup for a gathering! Like last night I just met up with my buddies and we chat about these issues,
sharing tips etc.
 
Hi SeR,

Sad to tell u,my 2nd attempt at IUI failed too.it's so strange.part of me hopes for the best,but the other part of me always prepares myself for the worse.the expected period date should be tom,but on Fri,i was staining already.so suddenly,no time to feel sad/disappointed at all.surprisingly,i took the failure this time a lot better.i guess after u've been thru' the ups & downs a few times,u get immune to u.for the past few mths,i had to scream out to my hubby in frustration that we 'failed'.coz i couldn't keep the disappointment & tears to myself.this time,i didn't tell him at all.i'm thinking it's better for me to go thru' this by myself than to have 2 ppl go thru' the disappointment.maybe this will take the pressure off him,so he can perform better.

i'm thinking of trying a few more times naturally b4 going straight for IVF.I think if i keep going to the hospital for scans,going thru' all the vaginal probing,then rushing off to work,taking jabs etc,i'm going to go mad.it's really taking a toll on me.

has ur friend conceived naturally b4? i did,and it was after 2 mths of trying.u know,IVF is not 100% successful too.it's only 30% successful,and the cost is very high,that is wat is holding me back.i'm juz very consoled by the fact that i conceived so easily the 1st time.i juz told my hubby that chloe was a miracle baby,but a pity his family did not treasure the baby.

i agree with u abt the not being able to perform part.sometimes,i feel it's such a chore.i try not to make it a chore,i mean,it's pleasurable afterall.but juz getting my hubby to get his act together requires a lot of 'planning'.so tiring.if not for this forum,i would have gone mad.this forum,and my doc friend,are my only sources of support.i cannot depend on hubby,it's so sad.we will always end up quarrelling over this issue.

i took blackmore gold preconception pills too.do u find it sucks? it's horrible.the smell & after taste makes me want to puke,but i faithfully took the whole box.still no good news.i even bought another brand when i went to aus.all these are quite ex,huh? where do u buy urs?

SeR dear,my heart goes out to u.i always say ppl who already have a child don't feel the same & i don't tell pity for them,coz they already have one.i don't even have any.but after reading wat u wrote,i think whether u have a child or not,a stillbirth affects u all the same.u drink to go to bed? me too.for me,it's DOM.didn't dare to drink too much other alcohol coz afraid it'll 'ruin' my body.at that time of the stillbirth,i juz want to try again ASAP.other than DOM,crying helps.cry until i get so exhausted,i fall asleep.i think it's a phase everyone of us goes thru'.there is nothing else anyone can say or do to make u feel better.u juz have to drink & drink or cry & cry until u're exhausted.how are u coping with taking care of ur daughter? with u like that,how is it affecting ur daughter?

my hubby recently confessed to me that he's very frightened too for the next pregnancy.i guess that's natural,isn't it? as much as there are mutiple stillbirths,there are also success stories.i took down the name of a book which is quite good.haven't had a chance to go get it though.btw,when i gave birth at KK,they gave me a book called "farewell my child".it's a collection of stories of infant death & the experiences the parents go thru'.it did help me.do u have it? if not,would u like to read it? if yes,i can pass it to u.

ur hubby dreamt abt ur baby? mine too.when i was pregnant,he dreamt that a boy asked him,"daddy...." asked him something he couldn't remember.

Ladies,

today is my 'bad' day.i think all of u would have experienced good & bad days.good days are wat i would call 'normal' days.bad days are days of depression,crying etc.

i felt so proud of myself when my period came,but i wasn't as lunatic as the past few cycles,though this is a failed IUI.i was calm,i didn't tell my hubby,i didn't wail.then last night,i went out for din at dad's friend's restaurant,he gave us each a little 'gift' for mother's day.i bet it's juz a nice gesture coz my mum got one,my aunt who is not married got one too.he juz gave to us ladies.at that point,i tot to myself,"but i'm not a mum yet." of course,in a tiny part of my heart,i said,"sigh,such a pity.i could have been a mum." last night,when i got home,i was watching something on tv,can't rem wat.then i tot to myself,"i have to be strong for my hubby.i must try my best to give him a baby." all his friends are pregnant,all his collegues are pregnant.i can juz imagine how that makes him feel.and all his friends go on & on abt their babies.

today,at lunch,my godma told me my cuz's wife is expecting.i felt like shit! he's so much younger than me.25 this yr,got married last dec.i grit my teeth & congratulated him via sms.he sms me back "thanks.baby is 9 wks old." i felt like shit.deleted the sms.then another pyscho bitch cousin in law asked my aunt if they would love this baby more than hers coz she's living in the states.WTF????? crazy woman.y did my cousin even marry her? this woman is really pyscho.she cried when docs told her she had to deliver via c section.if it was me,do watever u need to deliver my baby safely.my baby will be of paramount importance.

anyway,after lunch,hubby finally spoke up.we had a chat.of course,it turend nasty,as usual.i have been thru' a stillbirth,9 mths of trying,7 mths with 'begging my hubby',2 mths of failed iui,countless vaginal probing,hefty medical bills.i told my hubby,i want to give up already.i will really go crazy.hubby said we haven't tried for 1 yr,don't give up.i give up too easily.he doesn't know wat i'm going thru',how i'm fighting emotionally,mentally.tried to persuade me not to give up.but i'm so tired already.i think i'll juz leave it to nature for a few times,then embark on IVF.

i feel like telling my mum,godma,not to inform me of births,pregnancies etc coz i'm still hurting.or tell me with tact.my mum doesn't seem to feel anything.she says it as a matter of fact.i bite my tongue and pretend it's all okie.then godma asked me when it's my turn.i told her i need to study now.i wanted to scream out,"I HAD 2 FAILED IUIs!".no one knows i'm going thru' assisted conception.hubby didn't want to tell anyone.i don't want to tell mum or godma not to tell me these things as i'm still hurting,coz i know if they hear that,they will be upset that i'm still upset.they will feel my pain.i think me feeling the pain is enough,no need to make ppl i love feel the pain with me.it's too painful.1 suffering soul is enough.

so for now,let me juz take a deep breath,bite my tongue,grit my teeth,and move on with life.

SeR,where do u live? and juz out of curiosity,how old are u? u r not back to work yet.where do u work? if u happen to work at raffles place,we can meet up for lunch and make friends.
 
Dear Mon,

*Hugs to you*, I can feel for you deeply. Understand that u will try
your best to get wat u want, however u r putting too much stress on urself, it's unhealthy.
Life still goes on.
Seriously, I feel that u should relax, adjust your mood and try naturally first.
How about trying TCM too? You have no problem conceiving. In fact most of my friends
conceived after 7-8 tries or after 1 yr.

For my frd, she's been trying for almost 6 years and there's not a single news. The gynae also dropped a bomb
to her telling there's no way that she can get pregnant naturally unless she tried IVF.
Somemore she say things between her and her hb are getting stagnant and
nowadays they are lacking of common topics and each did their own things after getting home.
It's so different from their dating days, they just can't seem to get enough of each other like sticky
glue and my friend shifted to move in with him shortly.
I think it's the same for everyone, last time whatever I say was music to my hb's ears. Now I have to
be very patience with him! If he's in a good mood, it will be fine.
If not, I say abit more, say i nagging!! *faint*! Nowadays I close 1 eye in order not to argue with him.
very sianz...but then as long as we noe tat we are impt in their heart. That's the main concern.
I believe your hb cares alot about you too. Do not hold it against him.
Sometimes it's just lack of communication that we feel resentment towards each other.


I've not started on the blackmore preconception pills yet. The sight of it is enough to make me sick.
I just took their women's multi vits, all brought from unity pharmacy, I grabbed it during the
20% promotion now, wonder is there any spree to bring it in @ cheaper rate?
Perhaps I will search for other brands in drugstore, hehe...
Another fellow member who's seeing the same TCM as me is taking their brand, Usana. Perhaps I will check
it out too.

At times when I see my ger, I will wonder whether her little brother look like her,
When she sing and dance, I feel sad too when my son doesn't have a chance to do all these.
He's healthy but he's deprived of the chances of all these...
My ger's yearning for accompany too, always looking for little friends to play with her. I will be
thinking how nice if her brother is around and will play with her when he grows up.
I used to think like you too however after going through, the feeling is no less painful.
The main reason should be all mothers love their children, born or unborn. That's why we feel so
heartbroken when we lose them.
As for my ger, she's too young to understand what i am going through. Whenever she see me cry, she will wipe away
my tears or take tissue for me.
When she 1st see me sobbing so hard in the hospital, she didn't dare to come near me in fact.
Quite paisay to say that I am quite a alcoholic! I love liquor!
However I already cut down to dom and red wine, do not dare to take others too.
Mostly too those herbal wine, I just brought wincarnis, there's 2 version, 1 version is the
ginger wine.
My friend say ginger wine is good! She also brought a EYS ginger wine for me. I will try it slowly then.

Thanks for your offer, I will search the book online. My hb didn't mention about bb after that.

Those who doesn't go through the same thing just couldn't understand.
We will just have to bear with it.
I remembered the 1st time when I was pregnant, it seem like all my friends suddenly got pregnant too!
It strike me as what are they trying to prove??? Those are the ones who told me that there's still a long way to TTC but when I told them about my news, all got pregnant within a short time too. Moreover after knowing that I just mc (first time), they kept talking about their pregnancy non stop in front of me!
I really regret to leak out the news to them.
Hence next time when I really got pregnant, I will really be tight lipped about it.

Unlike my friend, your relatives dun have ill intention, just that they are insensitive.
I am avoiding families gatherings as well especially my in law's side.
There's a wedding coming soon, I am trying hard to avoid it..v sianz just to think about it.

Btw, I am 28 this year, staying in AMK and I am also working in Raffles place! can meetup for lunch!
Do you have facebook? can add me at [email protected]
 
Hi SeR,

yes,i agree with u.for my next pregnancy,i will shut my big mouth up! won't tell anyone.in fact,for the 1st pregnancy,i didn't tell ppl until abt 5 mths.next pregnancy,i will avoid all family gatherings on in law's side,i will get hubby not to even tell in laws.it's hard,but if u think of it,we will be having a very difficult time already,y allow ppl (esp relatives) to gossip,say this,say that,make our lives more difficult.might as well wait until baby is born,then tell ppl.

u know,after the stillbirth,the 1st thing my aunt said was coz i flew to aus 2 wks ago.there is no scientific evidence.and this is the same aunt who will go on & on with my cuz's newborn (the one who shares the same b'day as me),say my cuz in law believes in TCM,always 'bu' etc.that mad cuz in law of mine is crazy.she's so old fashioned.i believe in this,but i'm more inclined towards the western med.i believe in the correct nutrition,lots of veg,lots of rest,lots of fish,protein.they believe in bird's nest (well,we all know it's only protein),and i really dislike bird's nest.basically,they are very old fashioned.i think although i'm pregnant,life goes on.u know,one of hubby's friend even said it's coz i have no religion! wat the ?????and SIL came to my door,stuck a cross on my door.i think she assume there's a devil in my house.i think the devil is her!

yeah,fam gathering is very difficult.u have to bite ur tongue & go thru' it.i have put myself thru' it.it's very painful,esp if there are new borns.relatives will gossip.but i think the more u go thru' this,the more immune u feel to it.the 1st time,it will be a piercing pain,but of course,u can't cry in public,right? so that's a deterrent to cry.and u will be forced to put up a smile,still make small talk etc.it's very difficult,but i've been to a few of such gatherings,and the more i go,the more immune i feel to it.the piercing pain lessens.

i'm 29 this yr.okie,i'll add u on facebook.

i've got to go now,i'll post this msg 1st.continue later.
 
Hi Monster

Thanks for the encouragement.

Yes, you are right, we must still have faith and hold out this hope that we will be able to hold our own child one day. wihout hope, how do we carry on living... I am trying my darn best to be positive despite the setbacks, heartaches and disappointments. Its really hard when I hear/see relatives and friends getting preggy or proudly carrying their newborns. I genuinely feel happy for them, but just extremely sad for myself.

Take heart, hang in there...I believe you, me and others here who are also struggling with the same issue will eventually make it through in time to come...
 
Okie,i'll reply to cynn's msg 1st

Cynn dear,

i think we all go thru' the SAME emotions.regardsless if we already have kids,no kids.

GOOD ON U,gal! *Monster pats cynn on her back* u're trying ur darn best.i like that attitude.seriously,i'm trying my darn best too,but i break down every now & then.i don't kick myself for that,in fact,i feel better the next day after a big cry.then i move on with life.

u're good,u can feel happy for them! i'm mean.i tell them outright i cannot feel happy for them,given my loss.and i still cannot go near them.sounds like a sore loser,but i always put myself in 1st priority,like a super bitch.my healing is more impt.i feel better being mean,u know? haha.

cynn,where do u work? SeR & me happen to work at raffles place.if u happen to work there too,we can all arrange to meet up,if u want.

SeR,

Both u & cynn sounds very 'english ed'.sorry abt this biasness.but i feel 'cina' ppl cannot connect with me.my hubby always say i have my nose up in the air.i don't think that's totally true.but i feel the mindset is different,the beliefs,the emotional support all my friends have given me.my hubby has his 'cina' side,his 'cina' friends,his fam a bit 'cina'.i feel the emotional support they have given him in this episode of stillbirth is so much less,so different fr the support i have received.i talk,i cry,i kick,i scream,my friends know of my sadness,i don't hide my pain.but i feel i have healed better than my hubby.i juz cannot connect totally with his friends.i try to,but sometimes i still feel the distance.

i love my wines too! my fridge is well stocked up.i used to live in Adelaide,there's Barossa valley,my FAV! there are some very nice boutique wineries there.my sis still live there.so everytime i need replenishment,i get her to buy.

i'm very mean.only ppl who knows how to appreciate good wine gets served wine in my house.at normal dinners,i bring the wine according to how well the person appreciates the wine.no use opening such a good,precious bottle if that person cannot appreciate it.terrible hor? no wonder my hubby says my nose is up in the air.but he's a bit like that also.pot calling kettle black.i juz feel it's a waste.

i feel for u,u know? maybe u're going thru' even more than cynn,me,cherise,who have no kids yet.ur girl will innocently remind u of ur lost son.u can't really fault her,but things she do will remind u of ur loss.u have more to cope than us.at lesat mine is external.i can avoid all hubby's friends with kids,my cousins etc.

u were asking me abt gynaes,right? i attended a friend's wedding last evening.got some good info.u know,friends who are docs etc,they know a lot of info.a friend of a friend is training to be a gynae.she's now with NUH.she said mary rauff is a better choice of gynae than shamini nair.and she said PC wong,whom i'm undergoing assisted conception with,is a man of high standards.on hearing that,i feel so safe in both their hands.sometimes i'm so sick & tired of thinking,i juz do wat the doc says w/o thinking of the logic.and this trainee gynae's SIL also had a stillbirth.somehow,as rare as it is,i hear of friends of friends,relatives of collgues who had a stillbirth.maybe it's not so rare afterall! she also said a lot of docs choose mary rauff as their gynae,and many ppl go to her for a 2nd opinion.u may want to approach her with all ur medical records for a 2nd opinion.the reason i approached her was coz i wanted to know her management plan for my pregnancy no. 2,when it occurs.and i wanted to do whatever tests that needed to be done,do whatever correction /take precaution b4 the next pregnancy.and she reassured me NUH has the facilities to handle complicated cases like mine.my heart felt so 'warmed' when i heard that.yeah! i've made the right decision,i'm in safe hands.i felt protected.haha.like a baby.

now,i'm staying strong for hubby.i know how much he wants a baby.i don't feel it for myself so much coz compared to his friends,i'm a lot younger.but hubby,being constantly bombarded by this friend is expecting,that friend has given birth.and hubby doesn't verbalise it much.he's afraid to hurt me.i'll rather he cry with me,scream with me,'hate' those friends with me.but at the end,feel better & not bottle up his feelings.

tell u girls something so heartwarming.went to marina mandarin for a friend's wedding dinner.a yr ago,i got married there too! & so happen,hubby was wearing the shirt he wore for our wedding,and we both wore the shoes we wore for our wedding.it brought back sweet memories and a warm,fuzzy feeling in my heart.hehe...it was all a coincidence,we didn't deliberately plan on wearing all those things.but u know,dinner shoes are usually worn only during such occassions.so since i had the chance to wear it,i wore it.

okie,we have all been to hell and back.can life get any worst than this? it can't,right? so fr now on,it can only get better.yah lah,today is my good day.after a miserable day of crying yesterday
 
Dear Mon
That's very fast! I've already added u in fb!
haha..actually I am very "cina" at heart and v pantang when it comes to pregnancy.
I agree, it's better not to tell in laws! Though my r/s with my in laws are neutral but I seldom communicate with them and I felt quite bad to say that I've only seen them less than 5 times per year, usually I will reject their family gatherings especially with the relatives.
I think I reject so many times that they already stopped asking me along :p

I don't join his gatherings with his friends either. In fact I dun know them well and not intended too :p
None of his friends attended my ger's 2nd birthday bash last year, I' m rather anti social with ppl on his side.

I can understand how u feel, we really can't explain why people could do or say certain kind of things!!
I can't stand those kpo people too, they just like to probe for the sake of gossiping so that they hv lunchtime topics to talk abt..The best is to keep a distance from them.

Haha..maybe u can consider to go into wine business next time..u r not v mean lah..I m worse, we kept the wine to ourselves :p
When I am out with my friends who dun appreciate wine, I wont even ask them to go to a wine bistro , dun want to waste $.
One of the things that my hb and I like to do is to chill out at "Friends" wine bistro at Serangoon Chomp Chomp or the Altivo bar
at Mt Faber, nice ambience.

Thanks for sharing with us. Do I need to book appt with Prof Raff months in advance?
I am thinking when will be the best time to see her. It's so nice to have so many friends in the medical field to share medicial knowledge!

I just discussed about the ttc topic with my hb yesterday, I asked him whether he really want a 2nd child.
He think about it and say "yes" and we are planning it next yr.
Unlike us, they will prefer not to talk about it for fear of upsetting us.

So nice! It really bring back the sweet memories! Perhaps u can consider spending ur 1st wedding anniversary at the hotel too!
 
Hi SeR,

impt things 1st,b4 gossips.haha.yes,pls book ahead for prof mary rauff.she takes 1 new case a day only.i give u the clinic's no.

NUH Kent Ridge Wing
Emerald Clinic
67722277

when u go,tell her i referred u.juz tell her the dentist with the stillbirth who is now ttc.it will ring a bell.

yes,i feel so lucky i have friends/cousins in the med field.they will give u a good assessment of 'inner gossip',who's good,who's not etc.

oh,u hang out at wine places? i drink at home.haha.better,drink until tipsy,can hop into bed.

juz out of curiousity,how old is ur hubby? i really long for 1 child of my own.i would like 3 or 4,but even if i have 1,i'll be so thankful.juz now,i was watching the amazing race.YES! i'm an amazing race fanatic.haha.when the winners reached the end point,i felt tears rolling down my cheeks.my journey to being a mother is like TAR.at that point,i tot to myself:imagine myself say,"i did it" after a long labour to my hubby. i'm still looking fwd to the end point.it's going to be a long road ahead.

it's so nice to know u're planning for next yr.we have been trying for mths on end already.we were planning for this yr,but i think it's impossible already.

wow,wat is this abt u & ur hubby's friends? i try to make friends with them,but some of them are in a different 'league' as me,cannot connect.some of them,i am able to connect with.eh,u're so lucky.ur in laws don't bother u.i call my in laws out laws.if they don't bother me,all the better.

okie,i'm going to lie in bed & enjoy my tv time.it's so cooling,but i reckon it's going to rain.
 
Hi All,

will like to join this thread. As I had just lost my baby Girl last tuesday at Week 22. We still haven't found out the reasons why... since she was very strong and healthy at the last detailed scan on 07 May.

Beside doing a full confinement of 1 mth? Anything else I should do? This is my 3rd pregnancy. 1st is ectopic 2nd miscarriage due to bb losing heartbeats at wk 11.

And did anyone have any problems of incompetent cervix? Or celrage done ?
 
Hi Chewy,

*HUGS* *BIG HUGS* My heart goes out to u & ur husband.How are u coping at the moment? it must be really difficult for u.i was juz discussing with my hubby,and we came to a conclusion that we will never know why our little girl died.same as urs,suddenly no heartbeat.it juz happened like that.exactly 1 wk b4 the stillbirth,i even had a detailed scan,with the thermal scan detailing the heart.no probs were noted.u may never find out the reason.

I share u pain.I did 3 wks of confinement,coz i couldn't take it anymore.i'll drive myself mad at home.while many doing confinement are so bz,so tired with their babies,i spent mine thinking of my girl,crying,miserable,my heart bleeding.i did a full confinement,bathed with herbs,ate confinement food etc.i started eating confinement food in hospital coz i wanted my body to recover fast so that i can try again.i think it's not so much the bodily part that u should worry abt.i think it's more the mental part that is difficult to cope with.

is ur stillbirth due to incompetent cervix? fr wat u said in the 1st line,doesn't seem like.which hospital did u go to & under which gynae's care were u?

once again,take care of urself,physically,and emotionally.it's going to be a long rd ahead to recovery,but give urself time.
 
Hi Monster,
Thanks.. it's been tough over the last few days. 3rd time lost and this is the worst ever. Especially with me, hoping for a baby for so so long... I can't really sleep and feeling guilty at times for the lost. I didn't have any signs or pain till 45 mins before the delivery.

It's so sudden that the ward nurses were shocked. I had severe pain (not contraction) for less than 10 mins and next moment.. the baby was delivery.

I had bleeding in first trimester, losing one of suspected twin at wk 7 and then another op to stitch up my cervix due to dilation at wk 12. Since then I had a smooth journey till last tuesday. Baby was a great fighter since day 1. She was healthy and strong.

And the lost might be due to my incompetent cervix. I can't hold her till the end. Will see what my Dr said this coming tuesday and like you said, We might never find out the reason why this happen. I went to Mt Alvernia & is under the care of Dr Fong Y.

I trying to look forward and heal slowly.. wonder how long I will take . I had taken a year break from work since first trimester to bed rest at home. Now that it's over, I'm thinking if I should return to work later in June or July or later. Not sure if I can face my team and bosses. How did you cope when you return to work ?

Thanks for sharing my pain and being able to understand my lost.
 
Hi Monster,

I just re-read the posting by you again. Are you going through 3rd round of IUI? Some tips to share with you.. do you have facebook account or MSN ... can chat with you directly. Might be easier.

Both my IUI was successful in the first try.
 
Hi Chewy,

I'm glad u found this forum coz unless u go thru' a stillbirth,u will never know how it feels.ppl will say a lot of consoling stuff,but u will not be consoled at all.

u said something which triggered bittersweet memories for me.u said,"Baby was a great fighter since day 1." that is wat i said of my darling baby girl as well.yes,i agree with u,ur baby has been a fighter.i had bleeding for a while during 1st trimester.went to hospital twice.there was a lot going on in my life at that time.we were getting married,honeymoon booked,so i juz went ahead with my honeymoon.it was such a waste.i went to the maldives,and coz of the bleeding,i was worried and skipped a lot of seasports.in general,i still enjoyed myself,but i could have done more.i was still spotting in the maldives.i dare not even tell hubby abt my worry.1 person worrying is bad enough.but i kept telling my gal she has to be strong,be a fighter.in the end,she made it thru' smoothly thru' the 1st trimester.i'm so proud of her.then we came to choosing baby's name.chloe was confirmed,but we were deciding on a boy's name.in the end,we chose caden coz it meant fighter.at that time we were choosing names,we didn't know the gender of the baby yet.

it's the sudden loss that is difficult to cope with.i didn't even realise baby wasn't moving,can u believe it?

hang on,u seem to be online.let me give u my msn details 1st. [email protected]
 
Okie,let me continue.

i was saying,i didn't even realise baby wasn't moving.i was so bz with work that whole day,i was juz looking towards the end of the day,and getting some rest at night.i met my mum for dinner,and she asked abt baby.that moment,my heart sank,coz i guessed baby was gone.i realised baby didn't move whole day.usually,i will 'talk' to her,telling her to be good whenever she kicked.told her not to be afraid of the sounds of the dental instrument,maybe she will be a dentist like mummy.that day,i realised i didn't even have to say that.i tried to shake her,but no response.i knew that was it.but i still fin my dinner 1st.can u beleive it?

can i ask how long have u been trying for a child? my girl was conceived easily.i tot it wil be easy 2nd time round,but it's not so.that's y i went for IUI.i guessed i am juz impatient.

a lot of ppl seem to have success with dr.fong.did u go thru' SO-IUI? coz u said u lost 1 twin.it's very sad.everytime i read anyone's post on stillbirth,my heart bleeds,and i cry.in my opinion,it's so painful,no one should have to go thru' it.
 
Hi Mon,

I have been trying for a child for the last 3 years. I didn't tried in my first 3 years of marriage as both of us were working overseas at that time. We used this method to postpone my pregnancy. http://www.woomb.org/bom/rules/index.html#BIP

I was blessed and lucky at the very first try. However, it's an ectopic pregnancy and had my first natural m/c in June 2006.

Didn't conceive till last Feb 2008 (1st IUI)..but ended in another m/c & D&C (bb lost heartbeats at wk 11). That's after my 2 wks long trip in US. Followed by alot of complications(enlarged uterus and need lucrin jabs)...hence I went for 2nd opinion and found Dr Fong.

I tried SO-IUI again last dec and conceived bb girl (Meredith). Dr suspected a set of twin at the first scan. But after the severe bleeding and A&E trip at wk 7, only 1 sac is found.
 
Hi Mon./ & all ladies,

Went to read some of the posting in the Stillbirth threads too. My heart goes out to all of you. I never have time for anything including reading and sharing on the forum all these years till now. And so blessed and glad, I have new found friends here to share my ups & downs. Someone who really understand and care.

Mother's day and my bday will never be the same from now on. Since this year, I had both celebrations on the same day. And bb death anniversary is on 12 may.
 
Dear Mon

I've already started on my exercise routine, feel so much better after the exercising and also started
to meetup with my groups of friends for dinner for to chill up too.
I feel that life has more or less resume to normal. I have also started to brace up myself to work too.
Wonder how long I will need to clear up the mess, don't really trust ppl to do the work for me.
My 1st AF came last week but ended after 3 days. Seem like it already gone haywire. I m giving
time for it to stabilise and to resume back to normal.
I just been to dempsey hill with my hb last fri and the ambience, food and wine was great!

My hb is 1 yr older than me, he's 29. I hope to have another child but then after reading this post,
http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/1053886.html?1242629430
it's very frightening for this full time mummy to go through her teenage daughter's rebellious stage especially she
put in so much to nurture her and also she doesn't get any support from her hb too and have to deal in
this all by herself.

I watched the amazing race too and it's especially touching at the mother/son part. The mum was great and
very encouraging, very disappointed when they didn't win the race.
Pregnancy is really like running a marathon! Some fell down while others meet obstacles, however as long as
we doesn't give up and preserve, we will reach the finishing line!
Meanwhile the most impt now is to "warm up" and prepare our body well for the race!

I dunno leh, I nvr get along with his friends or just never like them but then I nvr restrict him from going out with them too,
just that they nvr invite me along and I m not keen to join either.
Perhaps it's because of the girls? Some of the guys are already married and yet they kept hanging around
with them, going on a single movie date etc and the wives are never invited to the gathering as well.
I don't have good impressions towards them.
Just last week, they went class gathering and a drinking session after that, I went to pick my hb up
and nvr even bother to say hi to them.
It's the same for his current course mates, I've nvr joined their outing as well.

Dear Chewy

Sorry to hear about that. I've lost my bb at week 17 during 07 Apr. He was healthy during the scan too but I lost him at night when I have contractions with severe bleeding and delivered him after 5hrs later.
Like the babies here, my boy is a fighter too. I could feel him in the very early stage.
Whenever I was in the A&E for heavy bleeding, he will assume me that he's alright by kicking me softly.
When I was having heavy contractions during that night, I could feel him strongly on my left side it's as though like he was clinging onto his dear life while I tapped him asking whether he's "ok", he gave me a kick.
He accompanied me throughout my hospitalisation stay especially during the lonely nights in the empty 4-bedded ward, it's him who kept me going.
I only saw him taking his last breath when the nurse cut the umbilical cord. He has beautiful well formed features and losing him is one of the most painful moment in my life.
I felt that I let him down. Actually he is my unplanned child though I took precaution. I didn't know that I've conceived him until 2mths later as I thought that my menses was late and I associated the pregnant symptoms as menses symptoms.
During this time, I also never take care of my body, I felt really guilty whenever I think of that.

Like you, I had bleeding during the 1st tri, 7 weeks too and bled again during the 16 weeks,hospitalised for 1 week and finally mc at 17 weeks.

I will be returing to work next Monday after almost 2mths' break but then my mood was much better now after more than 1.5mths. I think most probably I will pretend that nothing happened and just to concentrate on my work when I returned.
I m actually thinking to quit my job but to start all over in a new environment again but then my boss was very nice to me.
I quitted during my stay in the hospital but he asked HR to keep me, we agreed on paid leave during these months and also on the maternity leave while they hired a temp staff to take over me first. Then the mc happened on that very night, I only have courage to inform HR after 3 weeks and my boss sms me to ask whether I want to take longer leave to rest.
He's really v nice and I think I will stay on for his sake, gotta endure endure and endure!

Meanwhile work is very impt, however take good care of your health and do a good confinement,
take good rest during this 1 mth.
A good health is import for TTC, take time to build up on ur body and also immune system.
I did seek the opinion of both gynae and also TCM.
Both of them wanted to see me be4 I TTC, my gynae wanted me to go for a ultrasound in Aug and also start me on folic acid.
He say once I got pregnant, he will start me on hormone pills immediately.

For the TCM, she been giving me chinese medicine to improve my body immune system and I have also
taken Bai Feng Wan too after my AF.
When I am about to TTC, my hb and I have to see her to "tiao" our body.
 
HI Chewy,

I believe everything in life happens for a reason.sometimes,i believe my darling girl was lost so that my hubby can treasure the next baby more.he did love our baby,but i felt he was not protective enough when 'attacked' by his dad & sis.

coincidentally,a gf of mine mentioned the Billings method for contraception and conception.i learned abt it only on Fri,then read up on it,& now,u mention it.

i'm starting to think there are a few reasons y i'm not conceiving so easily this time

1) Wrong timing.but i reckon i calculated very accurately.and when i went for IUI,the dates i tot i will ovulate coincided with the size of the ovum

2) mechanical failure - i have a bifurcated uterus.so i must know which side i ovulate,then hubby needs to aim properly.COMPLICATED,right?

i always say chloe is a miracle baby.now that i've read up on the Billings method,i'm going to be hardworking & chart diligently.I think it's more accurate,but it's very complicated.i barely have a grasp on the concept,but i will read it again & print out to study.like taking exams like that.haha.

Btw,i've added u on msn.Are u catholic? coz until i heard my catholic gf who is getting married mention the billings method to me,i've never heard of it.but i believe it's quite accurate for fam planning.my gf was taught this in the marriage preparation course.

Chewy,it's heartbreaking to read all the posts in the stillbirth thread,right? if u compare wat i've written there (almost 1 yr ago),and wat i'm writing now,my pain has lessen,but it's not forgotten.it was a lot more painful then.but i can tell u,not a single day passes w/o me thinking of my chloe.and i still cry silently.

I can understand how u feel abt mother's day.coz i felt the same this yr.i kept thinking: if only it didn't happen,i would be carrying a beautiful baby in my arms right now.and worse still,on father's day last yr,i made a card for hubby on behalf of our daughter.and when we went for dinner to celebrate father's day,hubby said to my dad,"next yr,it's my turn." everytime i think of that,my heart breaks.i feel a lot of pressure.i think this is fr within myself.my cousins ard my age have babies,in fact,1 of them is delivering soon.i think it's coz i don't see them,i don't feel it so much.whereas for hubby's friends,i feel they seem to be parading their babies in front of me.i felt this even b4 marriage.and then they will ask,"when is ur turn?" it's so sickening.and they seem to be comparing notes on babies,etc.nothing to talk abt these days with them.all abt baby stuff.i told hubby i don't want to hang ard them coz there's nothing to talk abt.there are a few in his circle of friends.2 of them are fine.and the other one,even offered me an ovulation kit & preg test kit coz his wife got preg already.they have no need for it.talk abt being INSENSITIVE!

u know,although i'm not religious/catholic/christian,i always feel harmony b/w man & wife is very essential for conception.and i'm surprised it's mentioned in the billings method too.i believe god will not give kids to an unhappy couple coz it's not the best enviroment to raise a kid.and honestly,after the stillbirth,hubby & i r still trying to cope with our emotions.sometimes it's good,sometimes,it's not.but things are certainly improving.

SeR,
U seem to be taking things well.I'm glad for u;u r a very strong gal.i tried bai feng wan too.and i had mid cycle bleeding.i didn't know wat was happening.i tried 2 cycles of clomid,followed by 2 cycles of bai feng wan.so for 4 mths,i had mid cycle bleeding.i decided to stop everything,and last mth,no bleeding.so i don't know wat is happening.i went to the TCM at marine parade on sun,but i went late,so couldn't get to c.i'm quite interested in listening to wat the TCM says abt my body.so i'm going again this thurs.

Yes,all our babies are fighters.but alas,it's not meant to be.very sad,but wat doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
 
Dear Mon
At times I feel fine, at times I feel down. It's like going through a rollar coaster ride, up and down.
I presume it's better not to take clomid and BFW together or not suitable for BFW. One of my frd seen the TCM at Marine Parade and the sinseh say she's not suitable to take BFW due to one of its ingredient.
Have u make the appointment with them yet?

Talking about insensitive, I am particularly upset about someone whom I treated as one of my best friend, when I first got pregnant, she told me that she's "pregnant" too but her menses will only be due in 2 weeks later???
When I asked her again after 2 weeks, she just casually told me that she's pregnant and after 2 weeks, she declared that she had already MC??? Now she told another friend that she's pregnant again??
All this while, I have been treating her as my best friend and yet she treat me like a fool.
It's not the 1st time, when I got pregnant in 2005, she's the one who say she's not trying coz she just got married and yet after my 1st mc, she say she's pregnant!
The same thing happened again! I am not sure what's going in her mind? Her thinking could be v extreme and out of this world.
Just felt that she's trying to "win" me in every aspects. Whatever I did, she will follow suit.
All these while, I don't put it to heart but this time was the last straw.
After my last MC, what she said was "don't be sad, afterall he's only been with u for a few months"???
I really don't feel like contacting her anymore.
 
Dear SeR,

How are u feeling today? Yes,i agree with u.there will be some bad days,and some good days.nearly 1 yr on,i still have bad days.it is a huge roller coaster ride,and u know this ride will never end until u have completed all ur baby making.then it will not feel so much like a roller coaster,though u will still miss ur little boy,and will always wonder.

make appt with the TCM at marine parade? no,that lady told me no need appt,juz turn up.the worst thing is the phone is always engaged.when i asked her,she gave me a stupid answer.she said it's a hotline.a hotline that is always engaged? yah,like they are the only TCM in s'pore & the whole s'pore is ringing at the same time.i'm going down on thurs,when i work only in the morn.

HUH? is that woman ur FRIEND? i find wat she said ridiculous.in fact,very ridiculous.is she trying to spite u? i feel everyone is competing with me too.but i don't go to that extend.so i avoid all those ppl with babies and now,i don't feel so competitive.in fact,i told my hubby that we are in a league of our own when it comes to pregnancy coz the next pregnancy may not be successful too.i think u should stay away fr those insensitive ppl.u may be losing friends.that's wat i feel,esp for my hubby,coz most of them who have kids are his friends.that's y i'm keen on making new friends.

ppl who have never experienced a stillbirth will not understand how it feels.it's ur child,no matter wat.a child u and ur hubby have been expecting for mths,only to have ended in an undesirable outcome.
 
Hi Ladies

I am back to work after resting at home for 10 weeks for this 3rd pregnancy. Apart from that insensitive guy whom I wanted to bash up last time, most people are still nice.

My pregnant colleague is also sensitive enough to just smile at me and walk away. Before I went on my medical leave, I can see that she is pregnant and I told my very close colleague, crying. She has been very nice all along. When I complained to her about my backache previously in the 3rd trimester, she said she will get her reheatable pillow from her seat for me. I expected her to just get the pillow for me but when she passed over the pillow over, it was heated up nicely. I am really happy for her but I was just upset with myself and could not control crying.

I am starting to show and a few colleagues asked me if I am pregnant again. I can see they are genuinely happy for me and they stop asking any other silly questions. Not everyone is so bad afterall. I just have to look at the brighter side of things.

I can feel the little one moving now but the movements are still not strong enough to be felt everyday so I get kind of worried when baby is not moving. But when baby is moving happily in me, I have to tell him to be careful. I am just being a little paranoid here.

Going back to work is physically tiring and I want to prevent over-exerting myself. My direct boss is nice enough to ask me clear my annual leave anytime I want, whenever I am tired, even if it is one-day per week. She even suggested taking MC if necessary to save on my annual leave. How nice of her!

We are all going through such difficult time of our lives. Even when I go to the normal threads in the forum for MTBs MonthsXX 2009, all of them are so excited about their pregnancy but who will understand my stress this time?

Our sadness of losing our little one, our hope of becoming a mother one day, and now with this new little one in me, the worries that I have....just like what Monster mentioned, the pain has lessen but it's not forgotten and it will never be forgotten.

I want to be fair to this new little one too, telling him/her that I am upset because I am thinking of the elder brother who did not have a chance to see this world but I do not want my sadness to affect this new little one in me.

I have to tell myself to be strong, for my deary husband, for this new little one, and of course for his/her elder brother that mummy has to stay strong even when he is no longer with us.

Stay strong, ladies!
 
Hi Chewy

I can understand how difficult it is to return to work. One suggestion I can offer is for your boss to tell your colleagues not to mention about it anymore. Nevertheless, you will still have to face the pressure yourself because you will find people looking at you in a different way from last time. Maybe they empathise on you, maybe they are at a lost too on how to face you, or maybe a few nasty ones are thinking how to strike a conversation on the topic again. Frankly speaking, I cried a few times when I was back in office the first week but my manager was there to support me.

Just be mentally prepared but I think your priority now is to get well soon!

I tried TCM and accupunture after I was freed from my 40 days confinement but I did not find it really useful. Instead, I made ginseng chicken soup myself as I can always feel more energetic after taking it. I also made dang gui soup after my menses every month.

Please take very good care of yourself. I was suffering from very bad rashes around the 3rd month. The docs said it might be the hormones after delivery and my emotions causing the rashes. Then when the rashes subsided, my breast got infected because of blockage in the milk duct. It was so painful that I could not sleep and had to drain the abscess. When the surgeon pressed on the left side, my right side started leaking milk after half-hour. It was already five months after deliver and my milk was still leaking! I was soooooo upset then. (or maybe I should be happy that mine are so productive!)

The abscess is still coming back once a while but I don't know how to deal with it now with the new little one inside me. I'll just wait and see....

Now I have a scar from the drainage of the abscess which might be the last thing I can do for him and for remembering him.
 
Hi lucky3,

I can understand how u feel abt this pregnancy.Whenever i think of my next preg (and this is juz thinking,hasn't even happened!),sometimes,i say i'll feel happy.othertimes,i feel i cannot be fair to the next baby coz i don't know if i'll feel happy or not.i say a boy or a girl is fine.i've alwyas wanted girls.surprisingly during the 1st preg,that didn't matter to me.i meant during the preg,that was the last thing on my mind.then i got a lovely girl.so to have let her slipped away fr me juz like that,and if the next one is a boy,i seriously do not know how i'll feel.i think i'll still feel thankful.

u know,whenever i wear empire cut tops,my nurses will ask me if i'm preg.so sickening.2 of them (with the biggest mouth) will say so loudly some more.when i took a hol to jap,they will ask me if i'm there to make babies.can die! sometimes,i tell them I AM JUZ FAT! then they laugh and shut up.so now,whenever i wear clothes,i have to be very careful coz ppl will speculate if i'm preg,which is very sickening when i'm ttc and it hasn't been easy for me.

it's good that u have a very understanding boss.i went to consult Dr.Chris Chong on Wed,he said something which made me want to hug him.haha.he said ppl who had miscarriages and stillbirths need a lot of encouragement to get thru' the next preg.how true! the fear is insane.but don't worry,u're normal.a friend who had a stillbirth told me for the next preg,i'll be insane,even neurotic,but it's okie.well,anything to deliver a healthy baby.that's wat i always say to my hubby.u can poke me,jab me,do anything to me,physical pain is nothing.i'll do anything to deliver a healthy baby.a stillbirth is so painful,no one should have to go thru' it twice.unfortunately,some girls in the stillbirth forum had it happened twice.

lucky3,instead of going to the MTB XXX 2009 thread,y don't u start another thread.maybe name it Pregnancy after encountering miscarriages/stillbirth? those ppl who haven't been thru' any of the above mentioned really cannot understand our fears.and who can blame them.when i think back of my preg,i was so happy,so proud,we shared it with everyone.u need to have a lot of support for this preg so u should surround urself with ppl who can hold ur hands along the way.my cousin said something during my last preg,which i tot is true.she told me to surround myself with ppl who can make me happy,instead of ppl who irritated the shit out of me.

find something nice/exciting u can do during this preg.i'm thinking,for the 1st preg,the joy was in shopping,buy all the clothes,milk bottles etc for my little girl.wat else can i do for the next preg which will make me equally excited.i told myself for the next preg,i will not find out the gender of the baby.keep us in suspense,at least we have something to guess abt,to look fwd to.

poor girl,lucky3.i had milk flowing after delivery too.i had to take med twice to stop the flow.so irritating.no baby already,still flow,feed who? haha.

B strong,take care of yourself.try to inject some excitement into ur pregnancy,otherwise it will be all 9 mths of worry.no fun like that.preg is meant to be enjoyed.i'm saying it like it's so easy,coz it hasn't happened to me yet.u can do everything do monitor,but u know ultimately,it's all pre-destined.wat is meant to be urs will always be urs.wat is not meant to be urs will never be urs.
 
Hi Lucky3,

Thanks for sharing on getting back to work. It's so true, stepping back to familiar grounds take a while to adapt .

When I return to work last year after my 2nd Miscarriage in May 2008. It took me a week or so to feel comfortable. And You know... working with a team of all women(90% of them).. some tends to ask way too much Questions. And some even thought I'm still pregnant, offering me a list to dos & not to dos. I cried on the spot at one of those incidents.

But life goes on ! I was recuperating faster and getting on well immediately after those tears shed. And probably due to those projects I was assigned to as well. I just pour myself back to work.. and Time just files by later in the year. It's does really matter to have a good boss and management team. I'm blessed with a good team of them.
happy.gif


This round, I'm taking my time to go back. Probably harder but I never try yet .. so never know. I got my fair bit of fears on the flip side, as I had taken time off since Feb( intention is only to return next feb 2010) And now, thinking of going back sooner.. still put me off. Moreover, two of my closer colleagues are also due close to my original EDD. *Super Sian* thinking of that.

This is only the 13 days after that fateful day. Yes... I can't help but do the counting. I didn't have any issues with the leaking as Dr has given me medicine to take. He ensure that's the last thing he want me to go through. So I have to faithfully take those tablets. However, I'm still having alot of painful cramps and backaches on and off. And his advise is to endure it without painkillers.

But I'm getting better each day slowly. I went window shopping the whole afternoon yesterday and watched a movie. Felt better at the end of the day despite feeling exhausted. Will take each day as it comes now... and counting my other blessings in Life.

Enjoy the present moment of a new little angel inside you... Stay positive... despite the fears. The fallen angel will never be forgotten and can never be replace. It will always be in our heart and that special spot in life. And because of these memories, it will make you a strong person and MTB.

Dr told me during this last pregnancy.. to stay positive and look forward. I was so apprehensive about everything the moment I found out it's positive mainly due to the past 2 miscarriages earlier. He sense it immediately and counsel me to move on. He said ... if I never move on... I'm not giving the new pregnancy a new chapter in life to be written. Though it didn't turn out the way I want and now that this chapter is closed too. At least I had some precious moments to remember which is dear to my heart.

So STAY POSITIVE AND STRONG... write another new chapter with happy ending from now on... Enjoy your weekend
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HI Mon,

Sense that you are a BIG fan of Dr C.Chong now. Glad you found him... I used to see him for almost 4 yrs (the first time he was still at KKH) . Never thought I will see a male gynae but he change my preception after the first visit.

Aiii..... Mom & MIL felt after 2 miscarriages under 1 dr is a BIG NO NO. So I have no choice under MOMs pressures to switch. Went to a chinese physician and found another good one - Dr Fong Y. for my 2nd opinion. Been seeing him since last june.
Though on the other hand, I still refer my friends and even my Sis in law to Dr Chong. :p

He is a good Dr with a BIG heart. Most importantly.. despite the long Q outside at times. He take his time to listen and answer every questions you have. Sometimes, i felt you don't need just a Dr whom know his work well..but a great listener. Especially us whom had went through alot during past pregnancy.
 
Dear all

I will be returning to work tmr, really dread it and the workload..dunno wat's waiting ahead.
I've been swimming and exercising almost every day and now got to adjust to the work routine.

Feel v sianz whenever I think abt that...


Dear Mon
How is ur visit to the TCM? For that friend, I have not been contacting her too, hanging another with
the others instead.

U switch fr Dr Rauff to Dr Chong, heard he's v ex and good in IVF.
 
Hi Ladies,

After reading your stories, my heart goes out to you all..I like to share my experiences and hope that my story will give some hope and courage.

chewy, i had incompetent cervix with my first pregnancy..i had been trying for a baby for abt 2 to 3 years and was taking hormone jabs and clomid but eventually had to proceed on with IVF and was successful on my first try. I managed to conceive triplets and was overjoyed when i realised i was carrying 3 boys but one day ard 5 mths, i started to have spotting and the dr at the KKH A&E told me that 1 of my baby's legs was already dangling outside my cervix. They tried to do a cerclage but couldnt as they were afraid that my water bag would burst and affect all 3 of the babies..but in the end they told me I had no option but to deliver 1 of the babies and try to do a cerclage to save the other remaining 2 otherwise waiting will risk all 3..It was a terrible night as I had to naturally push my baby out knowing that he wouldnt survive.

After that, they did the cerclage, i stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and all was fine until i suddenly started having contractions and bleeding, the drs checked my blood and said I was having an infection. They said my babies couldnt be saved as the infection was getting worse and the labour couldnt be stopped..I had to deliver my remaining 2 boys and it was heart wrenching when my husband saw 1 of them tried taking a breath but stopped after that as they were too premature while the other was a stillborn.

I really went into depression for some time and couldnt work or see anybody with babies or children. After a few mths, i tried IVF again and I was pregnant again but I had spotting once more and was told that my womb had alot of blood and was affecting the baby..about a week later, there wasnt any heartbeat and i had to do a d/c.

I waited for about 2 years before i had the courage to try for another baby and had met with disappointments as i didnt conceive in my next few tries and managed to do it only on my 4th try. I now have a 8mth old son but to be honest, the pain of losing my babies never really goes away..it just makes me treasure and care for him and those ard me even more.

So i hope that all the ladies who are still trying not to give up and know that 1 day, your time will come and to always face the difficulty with much courage and faith..
 
Dear All
I've already started work yesterday and walked in with a big smile. Those who know will just show
their concern by asking about my health..blah...blah..blah..
Those who doesn't know thought that I am still pregnant and some even thought I've given birth and want to see
bb's pictures. *faint*
Then my boss took a few of us to lunch and one doesn't know asked whether my bb is a gal or boy, it's a v awkard moment.
I have to keep repeating the story all over again and again, feel v awkard. There's alot of work to be done but
I just keep flipping through the documents and dunno start from where...feel v lost too.

To think all these are just 1/3 of the colleagues, I haven't had a chance to see all. It really takes alot of courage
to return to work but I think taking a big break helps, if not, I wont know hw to cope with the mental stress too.

Just then, the IT guy thought I've just came back from maternity leave..fee v awkard coz my boss is just beside me
and really felt abit regretted to return.

Dear Ecobaby
Glad to hear that you've a baby boy after so many difficulties. I intended to take a break for some time too before ttc.
 
Hi Ser,

I think you are very brave to go back to work and having faced your colleagues. It is something I wont know how to handle so I believe you can overcome all this awkwardness and questions.

I hope that if you find the going tough, do give yourself a break and don't force yourself. A lot of people do not understand what we women go through especially those who find child bearing a breeze so do not take it to heart as well..It will hurt with all those questions but tell yourself you can do it..

yes, i think it is important to take a break to not only give your body a rest but also spiritually and mentally as we need some time to grieve as well.

If you are interested in acupuncture, I went to raffles hospital TCM..the lady drs there are very understanding and I went there for both medicine and acupuncture to heal and prepare my womb again..you may check it out and their fees are quite reasonable too.
 
Hi SeR,
I'm still undecided on who i will eventually choose as my gynae if i do conceive.both mary rauff & chris chong are good.but mary rauff does not deal with fertility issues.she refers to PC wong.

It's good to go back to work,dar.it's hard,but someone has to pay for the bills,right? i was very glad to go back to work.i always feel i have a committment to my patients.some of the patients knew wat happened and were very kind.i was surprised most of them were willing to postpone non urgent treatment for 1 mth.make me feel my effort for them are worth it.

surprisingly,i wasn't concerned abt going back to work.i guess i'm very sharp tongued.i was ready with my 'defence'.i'm not Miss Nice-to-everyone-at work.most ppl juz asked me if i felt better.sometimes when i talk abt it,i feel like crying,but of course,i had to control my emotions.i felt a need to share wat i have been thru'.it did help me get on.but i guess after a while,ppl are sick and tired of hearing it.so i have to be conscious not to talk abt it.

sometimes,there will be that moment of awkwardness.i paid thru' the Antenatal Fast scheme in KKH,so i got a voucher to be used at the pharmacy.the HR lady came in,so chirpy,congratulated hubby & me,and gave us the voucher.we juz kept quiet and took the voucher.didn't the nurse tell her,i wondered.one of hubby's collegue came to our place over CNY & asked us so loud where the baby was.that was really AWKWARD! obviously,he hasn't heard.there's also a neighbour (who coincidentally is one of my hubby's mature student) keeps bugging my hubby,asking him where our baby girl is.i told hubby to tell her,"die already." that should shut her up.silly,giddy,chinawoman.sorry i really don't like mainland china ladies.

hey SeR,now u're back at work,care to meet up? I've been chatting with chewy,she works ard raffles place too! she said she is okie to meet up when she gets back to work.but u need to let me know when is a good day for u and wat ur lunch hr is,then i can block out my books early b4 recep books in patients for me.

Ecobaby,
I'm so sorry to hear of wat u have gone thru'.My heart really goes out to u.i'm glad u now have a healthy baby boy.u r so strong.with 1 loss,i already feel like shit.i'm so worried i will fall into depression when i was doing my confinement.fortunately,the olympics was on,so i stayed glue to the tv.that was some form of distraction for me.and i kept telling myself i cannot fall into depression.

it's very difficult to have intercourse again enjoyably when i'm trying for another baby.sometimes,it's meaningless.hubby and i had heaps of issues,in the end,after abt 5 mths of trying,i went to the gynae & made it sound like i cannot conceive.so i had 2 rounds of iui done,but failed.did u try iui? who did u have ivf done with? i'm thinking of heading down the ivf way too.but i visited dr.chris chong for a 2nd opinion after my 2 failed iuis and he said i wasn't getting to the root of the problem.i've done everything on my part,but hubby didn't want testes to be checked for varicose veins that may cause his swimmers to be sluggish.it took my hubby so long,but he's finally getting checked.i feel like i've wasted so much time.some more,i really want an end of yr baby.i think they have an advantage.this is juz my thinking.then sometimes,i say to myself i'll take any baby that comes my way.sounds so desperate,right?

talking abt treasuring our babies.i'm always angry (even when i haven't lost the baby) that some of hubby's friends are taking their babies for granted.in my opinion,they are not giving their babies the best.leaving baby in the care of the maid,prefering to hang out with friends.don't even bother to feed baby,let maid feed baby,put baby to bed etc.i always feel it should be a mother's job,the maid is there to help with housework,not take care of the baby.the maid does the housework so that it frees the mother's time to care for the baby.and it is this couple who is now expecting their 2nd child.how unfair,right? then there's my cuz & his wife.they always wanted a boy,turned out,they have a girl.she cried when she had to deliver by C section.i told my mum the docs can do anything to me,provided the baby is delivered safely.i feel ppl who haven't gone thru' a risky preg does not appreciate the baby.and this crazy cuz in law is asked me aunt if she will love her younger son's baby more coz they live with her and she lives in the US.WHO CARES! i rolled my eyes when my mum told me this.i replied that everyone in the world can don't love my baby,but i will definitely love my baby with all my heart.my mum had a very diff preg with me & my twin sis.now i understand y she still treats me like a little kid.coz she & my dad really treasures both of us.

hubby & i were chatting,and hubby said,"if i can even have a baby,i'll be very happy." that was in response to favouring a boy or girl.that's y i was very angry when SIL said in front of my hubby & me that we should have a boy 1st to take the pressure off.i feel i've let my hubby down.i can sense his longing for a child.

ecobaby,pls share ur ivf experience with me.i'm juz afraid of money going down the drain if my ivf fails.i'm not afraid of the physical pain,but i'm not sure if i can cope with the emotional pain/disappointment.i guess ivf is the way to go to have kids w/o having intercourse.haha.did u try iui?
 
Dear Ecobaby and Mon

I have no mood to work today, surf the net from morning until now :p
Glad that I actually took a longer break! To think that I was only given a 7 days leave by the hospital and I've requested for a extention until May.
The initial first 2 weeks were the worst moment, cant imagine if i resume work during that period.

It had already been 3 days and things are getting better but colleagues kept commenting that I pile on weight!
One even commented that I was so fat now. I just smiled or put on a straight face, I don't show my feelings.
However just now during lunch, another grp start commenting again, saying my hips and arm expanded...blah blah blah then another colleague say I might feel sad but then I replied "wont, coz it's a matter of time that I will slim down to the former self" then all just kept quiet..haha..

Since my pregnancy, I've stopped the regular exercise routine and while hospitalised, I lay in bed for a week and after the mc, got to do confinement and just last week, i resumed my exercise and they expected me to bounce back
like the past??

Actually I am really upset about the weight gain when I cant fit in my pants, the butts and thighs had expanded so much!
Looked so flabby as compared to the past. I m those type who gain weight v easily and throughout the yrs, i've maintained
my weight by being on a strict diet and regular exercise. However while pregnant, i just heck care, bb is the most impt.

Eco, how much is the charges for the TCM?

Mon, I am thinking of changing a new environment and to do something that I like. Hb's friend is asking him to venture
in electronics biz. Meanwhile they are learning the ropes and might go into it when the time is right.
As they will be investing in a brick and motar shop, I prefer to sell things online and hope to travel overseas
to seek supplier and to bring in here and sell..there's alot of planning to be done though or else I might like to
go into sales, I prefer running around than doing clerical work.

You are also a good doc, tat's why the patients are willing to wait too. I feel that it's always better to deal with
outsiders rather than internally.

Yup! It's that moment of awkardness and also a tinge of heartache, "xin suan" in chinese..losing a bb that is so
so precious. Whenever ppl ask is like a knife stabbing into the heart.
How u wish that nvr happened.
I thought that my heart will recovered better by resuming the normal lifestyle. It's just a strong front that I am putting on and sadly, it's still hurts.
In the bottom of my heart, I know that it will never feel the same as be4 again. There will always be a missing piece tat can never recovered.

Guess what, I like year end baby too!! My ger is born on 1 dec 06! in fact I am planning to ttc next yr from Jan onwards
for a year end baby!
We share the same thoughts! I've friends who delivered and left them in the care of the nannies/grandparents and only to pick them up during the weekend.
Somemore they are planning for 2nd/3rd babies which I don't see the point! What for to give birth and let other ppl take care??
Some can just dump their babies with the caregiver and travel overseas to enjoy!
Though my mum can take care of my ger but ever since i gave birth to her, I've never go on a holiday unless it's a co trip.
Thought of bringing my ger but her immune system is not strong yet so gotta wait for her to grow older then will bring her with us.Hb say if we never bring her along,
we will not go too.
Some of my friends cant understand why do I want my ger to sleep with me instead of my mum since I am working and kept saying that my mum can take care.
My mum is not my maid,somemore I can't possibly let her take care of my ger round the clock right. I will also make it a point to take care of her when I reach home after
work and during the weekend.
I think maybe they are blessed to conceive and give birth easily so they are taking things for granted.
One of my frd aborted so many times that I've lost count but the saddest was when she told me that she aborted
1 of the babies at 14 weeks after my 1st m/c. I was so extremely upset when I lose the bb while she just aborted hers
easily.

I felt that my mum dote on me more than my younger brother. Before me, she had a gal stillborn @ 34 weeks, shortly
she conceived me. Until now she called me "ah girl" and my ger "girl girl", sometimes I am confused too, wonder which "girl" she referring to.

I really cant understand why boys are more favourable?? I cracked my head and until now I cant understand their mindset.
Before my pregnancy, my mil and her side of relatives kept harping me to have a boy.
To me, all babies are precious regardless of gender.

Sure! Count me in too! Let me know when to meetup, I will PM my contact no to you. Any time for me is fine!
 
Hi gals

Thanks for all your encouragement.

SeR is really brave to go back to office and face people like that! I think I will definitely break down. Till now, I still avoid speaking to people. Oh, your mum had stillborn at 34 weeks too! I hope I can be like her and go on to have a healthy baby this time.

I can understand the part on preference over one gender, from our point of view. What's the big deal of having a boy or girl when we just want a healthy kid?!!!! urrgh!

My gynae's assistant asked me last sat if we want a boy or girl. I told her I want a healthy child and she gave me a big big smile. She was nice enough to call me personally to ensure I was alright the next morning when the thing happened. Now, she's passing me all free samples of maternity milk and diapers!

I also see many postings on the MTB MonthXXX threads that they prefer a boy or girl, or they are so disappointed with the gender of their babies. When they realised the gender of their babies are what they preferred, they are overjoyed. I am overjoy when I am able to conceive. I am happy and relieve everytime the little one kicks me from inside. Just give me a healthy baby this time!

I would definitely want to care for my precious little one myself next time. My sister is a role model taking care of four kids herself even when they can afford a maid. She breastfed them fully for one year each and I saw her feeding the twins like a cow at the same time. Now that they have started school, she coaches their school work herself without tuition teacher. What a supermum! My mum also took great care of us on her own while she has her own business. I am sure we can do it too if we want to. In the olden days, people also have more than 7 children without any domestic help.

We know we're going to love our babies with all our heart.
 
Hi Ecobaby,

BIG BIG Hugs!!! Thanks for sharing your stories. I know it's hard while you were typing and sharing the past. No matter how long it takes... the pain is still there. Salute to your perseverance on having a kid. And you are bless with your boy.

Honestly, I'm not sure how long I will wait or TTC now .. I'm not getting any younger too.. Mid 30's
sad.gif
May I know your last pregnancy... did you complete the cerclage or did you bed rest for the entire 9 mths?

Hi Ser,
Know it's hard getting back.. But you did it (credit to you).. it's the BIG step last monday. If it's me.. I probably have sleepless night on sunday being anxious to go back the next day. Just TOTALLY ignore those ppl.. Two more days to the weekend.
Next week will get better .

Take care !!
 
Hi Monster, i will be glad to share my ivf experience with you..My first try at IVF was actually at KKH. Before that, I was already seeing a few gynes since i married as I had been trying for some time. However, since i was 22 years old when i married, alot of gynes were reluctant to do any drastic measures like iui or ivf so i was prescribed clomid or hormone jabs...something i quite regretted (felt like waste of time) cause i had polycstic ovaries (had abnormal periods) and my hubby had a problem with the shape of his swimmers..so in the end we eventually had to skip iui and go straight to ivf.

ivf is actually not that painful, alot of gals tend to be scared cause of all the needles and injections and egg extraction, etc..but to me (i have a very low tolerance for pain) i found it quite acceptable, cause the needles are very small and you use your fat around the tummy to poke so not very painful, but i did find at kkh, the recovery after egg extraction to be quite painful and they also give you a jab everyday after putting in the fertilised egg for 2 weeks until u have your pregnancy test, that part was quite tedious as you have to go down everyday and take the jab on your buttocks..you dont get personalised service but the fees were very reasonable amongst other clinics (i think i didnt pay any cash in the end as it was fully reimbursed by medisave in the end) i chose kkh cause of the low fees..and i did end up with triplets in the end, but i did regret not switching to a better gyne in the end, something which was a long story also and dont want to mention here.

my 2nd ivf was with dr lc foong, he was a very kind and gentle dr but i found his methods very painful to me..tend to take a blood test at almost every visit cause he wanted to see the hormone results, so that was a bomber, made me quite scared of needles..not sure if they still practice that or is it jus me cause i tend to have many eggs so he had to be extra careful..the fees were more expensive but you get the 1 to 1 service.

the 3rd try was at sgh, dr yu suling, i tink tats the correct name..mmm, she was very careful in thoroughly examining me before doing IVF again like checking my cervix, testing my blood for any other possible reasons for hormone imbalance, etc..but i find that she had alot of problems inserting the fertilised egg during the insertion which made them change catheters, so i do not know if that somehow affected my chances of conceiving since my 1st 2 tries were successful..but then again, not every try will get pregnant, my sis went thru ivf many times also but didnt get pregnant till her very last try..

my 4th try was at dr cheng at tmc and he was a godsend..his methods so painless, in fact i find that of all tries, his was the least painless, even the recovery after extraction was very smooth, hardly any pain and i had 70 eggs! he was very careful oso, we had to abandon the insertion a few times cause of my thin lining as he did not want to waste my embryos..during my pregnancy, he scanned me every week until i was 3 mths preggie, then 4th and 5th months i saw him every 2 weeks, from 6mth onwards till i delivered, he saw me every week without fail..i had diabetes and high blood pressure during my pregnancy so he was very strict, making sure i was well at each visit etc before i was allowed to leave the clinic..so i really appreciate the careful checking..i think cause of my past history and he being a high risk specialist as well, so he was more careful in my case...fees were more expensive, i paid ard 12k for ivf and upon delivery ard 10k but i stayed in those executive wards and was there 5 nights so the bill was quite large. but i think it was $$ well spent..

i think you should ask for a few opinions before deciding, ivf is not a fool proof method, there can be disappointments too..and ur hubby needs to be very supportive cause it is a process that needs both of you..but i find that it sometimes draws you 2 together cause they see the wife suffer so much for them..if u want to do it, then just go all the way and dont look back, if i stopped after my 3rd try, i wouldnt have succeeded on my 4th, but you really need to be strong..we cant tell what will happen in the future but at least you know u tried..

and dont care abt wat others say abt you or whether you should have a boy or gal..they are just being small minded and cause they never experience the problems we have, they just talk and talk..i had my sil gossip abt me to the other relatives until my mil scolded me, saying i was wasting my hubby $$ etc..and when i miscarried, she did not even come to the funeral, neither did some of the relatives, they jus call to kaypo and ask wat happen and thats it, no visit or anything..so jus tell yourself that you are doing this for yourself and not for others to see..
 
Hi Ser, sorry, I cant remember the charges, i think you have to call them as they have a few packages, some for fertility so its better to ask them as sometimes they have promotions for 5 visits, you pay a lesser fee, something like that. quite alot of people go to their tcm clinic and they sometimes have talks so you may keep a look out.

most impt is take care of your health and lose the weight gradually, glad that you can give them a sharp reply, they are really unbelievable..aiyoyo..i give you the thumbs up :0)

Hi Chewy, i really hope that by sharing, it gives you all the courage to not give up too. When i was trying for a child, it was through forums like this and interacting with other gals that gave me the strength to try and try again..there are so many other gals that went thru worse and ended up succeeding so i hope to help you all go thru this difficult patch as well!

u should try again when u feel u r ready, thats the best time to judge for yourself, anytime after 6 mths is always the best, doing it too early is not very good for your body.

i didnt do a cerclage for my last pregnancy, but i stayed at home for the whole 9 mths..i onli went out for the trips to the dr and i stayed in bed about half of the time..it was alittle worrying as i had a tendency to watch for any signs of discharge or mucus plug but the weekly scan helped abit to dispel any fears..do get a good dr next time, it really makes a difference, my first dr was never like this..
 
Thanks Ecobaby !

I'm taking one day at a time.. and will see what the Dr said after the next visit in end June. By then, I will probably be heading back to work too. So at least there is something to pre occupy the mind. Will TTC when the time come and when I'm ready. I know the next pregnancy will be Bed rest again.

May I know what made you go to different drs at that time for IVF and not stick to the original ones. I'm thinking of the high risks too.. and thinking if I should switch to KKH ?
 
Hi Chewy,

May I know who are your current drs?

I was quite happy with KKH "IVF", I found the fees reasonable and being a first timer, I wasnt ready to spend alot at private clinics that time as I wasnt sure of the success rates..but I wasnt happy at how my pregnancy was handled and was quite upset with them in the end..they did not even update their records after I miscarried and were either calling me to confirm my routine maternity check up or asking when my baby edd, etc..very irritated..so i didnt want to go back aft that..

I then decided to try private clinics and though Dr Foong should be a good choice, but i was quite scared of all the blood tests after 1 round so decided to switch again...back then I was deciding between NUH or SGH, also cause of the fees again and decided SGH cause my friend aunty was also doing there and heard good feedback..the service there was good and dr yu was very soft and encouraging, but I didnt conceive and she wanted me to try other medications and see if i can get pregnant naturally..i tried a few months but there was nothing and so i jus stopped trying for a while..

So happens my sis who was trying to get pregnant for 8 years without any success, got pregnant with twins..she too had tried IVF many times, more than me!! and with many different drs oso, she and her hubby even went for different operations recommended by some of them.. and then she intro her dr to me which was dr cheng and i went to see him..and eventually did ivf with him, so i was lucky that he looked after me and my sis well, we were both really grateful in the end...

hope the info helps..
 
Chewy,

forgot to mention, that I actually quit my job before trying the last IVF, cause it was recommended due to past miscarriage history..you will need to see the dr quite often during ivf and once you conceive again, as was in my case...so u may need to be prepared as it may affect your work...u can always ask your next dr if this is necessary..
 
Hi Ecobaby,
thanks for reverting on the dr selection.

I'm currently seeing Dr Fong Yang @ paragon or his tiong bahru clinic. The last pregnancy was through IUI. I was lucky as the first timer with him. Still glad and happy we found him ( my previous gynane is Dr Chris Chong), however with my unknown case and next pregnancy. I'm contemplating to change Dr. or go KKH.

Yes, quitting to bed rest for my next pregnancy is on top of my list. And I'm prepare for it. So will ask Dr at the later stage.

Thanks !
 
Hello ladies,

I've been reading all ur post,but so bz,no time to reply.bz watching tv,that is.haha.i have set tv times.my resolution for 2009 is to watch more tv.basically,i've pushed myself very hard at work for the past few yrs,so i tot i'll take a back seat this yr.i love the programmes on okto,so been watching it at 10pm every night.so no time to reply.haha

SeR,
wow! u can spend so much time surfing at work.good on u.it must be very hard on u to go back to work.for my case,i had to concentrate hard at work,so it served as a good distraction for me.but seriously,i tell u,the moment i step out of work & drive home,my mind wonders.it's almost 1 yr now & there hasn't been a single day i haven't tot abt my darling girl.serious! somehow,she will pop into my mind.and i will tell her,"mummy loves u.".u know,to all those idiotic collegues who said u have put on wt,i think u should snub them.if u have done it once,they won't mention abt it again.my mum (yes,my own mum!) was so concerned i wasn't losing wt after the preg,she kept harping on it.i told her i juz had a stillbirth,and i think she got the idea.she has since stopped bugging me abt it.yes,i was like u,i really watched my nutrition while i was preg,but i was very vain,so i was afraid of putting on too much wt,afraid that will lead to stretch marks.so 1st trimester,i ate very nutritious food,but didn't increase my portion.2nd trimester,i felt i wasn't growing enough,so i up my protein intake.but i was also craving for sweet stuff.i really tried my best to control,but i did give in to temptation at some point in time.in the end,at 29 wks,i put on 7kg.i've lost most of it,except the last 2kg.guess my work stress and all that hurrying,running ard (not enough hrs in 1 day!) had also helped the wt loss.give urself time.i think wt loss is not the most impt thing right now.it's the emotional healing that is most impt.the soul,not the body.

SeR,i agree with u.that piercing pain....u decribed it to a T.spot on.only those ppl who had stillbirth can really tell u that feeling.the 1st time i felt that was when i was forced by hubby to attend a kids function.juz looking at how happy his friends were with their babies made my heart bleed.it's that piercing pain.but u know wat? hubby did force me to go to a few of these functions,and i even met his friends on the st,so ended up having to have breakfast with them.if u put urself thru' it a few times,that pain actually lessens.it's very difficult to cope after each incident,but i think the mind gets adaptive,and in the process,gets stronger.hang in there,gal.

ur husband and u will surely treasure ur little girl more,now that u have gone thru' such an unfortunate incident.i'm not saying u didn't treasure ur gal fr b4,but it makes a person more aware of the gift of life.i have never had preference.i prefer gals only coz i can doll them up.initially,b4 i knew the gender of the baby,we were calling it a boy! haha.i always tell my hubby,"ur son.....".hubby agreed.then i found out i had a girl,and i told my hubby,"it's a girl!" he sms-ed all his relatives.he was very happy abt it.only ppl who have gone thru' wat we have will truely understand the statement "boy or girl,a healthy baby is the most impt". yes,i agree with u.every little life is so precious,how can ppl simple abort.after having gone thru' a stillbirth,i say," don't want,give me the baby lah." as for looking after the baby part,i think u are a good mother.i encouraged my mum to learn driving so that she can bring my baby to me during lunch for breastfeeding.it makes more sense than me going home and rushing back to work,since my mum will be the one at home.i was prepared to breastfeed for 1 yr.mum didn't agree,she said no need.i said it's my baby,so i make the decision.i was quite firm on how i wanted to take care of the baby.modern thinking and older thinking are a bit different.older ppl tend to think breastfeeding for 1 yr is too long.i was prepared to take my girl home every night,though mum said it'll be tough on me waking up every so often.i told myself if i mentally prepare myself,i can do it.mum said to leave my girl with her,and take her back only on weekends,but i said no,coz daddy has to bond with the baby too.that was how much i was prepared to care for my baby.i hope i'll have a chance in future.i will not change my stubborn mind on the way i care for my baby.i really cannot stand it when ppl dump their babies to maids.maids can't bond with the babies!to me,they are not prepared for parenthood.but life is so unfair,these ppl have kid after kid.

lucky3,
how is ur preg progressing? hope all is going well for u.i'm sure u'll be a very good mother,juz like ur sis.i'm sure having gone thru' wat u have,u truly feel blessed juz to be able to conceive.and i'm sure u'll sacrifice everything u can for the baby.tell u a story.1 of hubby's friend is so old fashioned,hoping for a boy.during the scan,doc told them they were expecting a girl.his wife immediately said,"but he wants a boy." gynae said,"we will confirm with next scan." guessed the gynae was shocked by their reaction.if i ever have the chance to be a mother again,i'll definitely smile on knowing the baby is safe,whether it's a boy or girl.i think hubby's friend's and his wife's reaction is so uncalled for.i feel sad when ppl say such things,i wanna to give them a slap and say,"wake up!" and i told myself,if i ever come to a point i can't cope and i get a maid,the maid is only for cleaning the house,washing the dishes etc,so that i have time to care for my precious one.

let me share with all ur ladies wat happened today.today is a turning point.met up with cousin and her friends for high tea.her friends have 3 beautiful daughter,all so pretty,so chatty.hubby had a great time entertaining them with his little trick,and fr his reaction,i can truely feel how much he yearns for a kid of his own.1 of the little girl's balloon flew out of her hand while we were walking out of the restaurant.hubby immediatley went in and got 3 more balloons for her.the smile on her face juz made me feel so happy too.she lunged over and kissed hubby,even have the kissing sound.when we left,hubby said he'll be very happy if he has a daughter like her.i think at this point in time,we're only asking for 1.we would love 3 kids,but guess one cannot be greedy.1 is better than none.it set me thinking.my heart really aches knowing how much he yearns to have a child.i know it's not my fault that we lost a baby,but i really want to be able to make him the happiest man on earth.i have decided to go for ivf.coz hubby has decided even if the scan of his testes (recommended by doc,but he has been refusing to go for the scan/check up) show he needs surgery to remove the varicose vein,he will not go for the surgery.he's afraid it'll hurt his chances of getting a baby.so even if he does go for the scan,it'll only tell us there is a prob,but there will be no resolution.i know ivf is not 100%.i asked hubby if he was willing to take the plunge.we have tot abt this option for a while,but we were afraid of the money issue,coz u juz don't know how many times u will have to go thru' it for a successful preg.i told hubby,let's juz take the dive.at most,money is lost.we have enough money in our cpfs for 3 tries.we have also agreed to use parent's cpf is we need to.ha.but we haven't told them.this ttc journey of ours is still a hush hush.but if there comes a time i need to use my parent's cpf,they will be more than happy for me to use it.and i will undergo surgery to remove my septum to reduce my chances of miscarriages.and i wanna do ivf this june coz hubby is on hol,so he can send me to hos etc.more convenient.

ecobaby,
thanks for sharing ur experience.can u share with me how u coped with ivf financially? i know 1st 2 tries,co-fund will be 3K & 2K respectively.like i've said,i'm not afraid of the physical pain.i'm juz worried abt how we are going to cope financially and mentally.hubby said,"we hve been disappointed so mnay times already,wat is one more time?" it really breaks my heart to hear this.i'm trying all my best to do the right things to conceive.i've given up drinking my fav green tea as it's deemed 'too cooling' for my womb,i've been using a heat pack to warm my womb.i've been taking preconception vit,i'm learning to relax.i can't think of wat else i can do.i've even gone to tcm.and i'm going to wake up at 4.30am to brew my herbs tom.i wished hubby can do that for me so that i can sleep in.but u know men...very angry with FIL.hubby's side of fam really piss me off.1st,tell the maid to get claypot,she say have,in the end,it was a porcelain pot.hubby not sure how to brew herbs,called father for advice.father asked how come my mother is not helping us? should call my mother to come.so sickening,right? my mother also has her own life.if i asked her to come,of course she will come.we r juz asking for advice,we are not complaining.this pissed hubby off so much,he didn't even bother to ring his dad when the line was cut off coz we were in the basement carpark.my outlaws (this is wat i call them!)are really sickening.if i can avoid,i really avoid them.makes my blood boil juz seeing them.wait till they open their mouths,u wanna hit them on the head.SIL bad enough,FIL also so sickening.

okie,i should get some sleep.i have to wake up in a few hrs to brew my herbs.my 1st time doing this in 28 yrs! haha...but well,everyone has to learn somehow,right?

I hope all u girls have a great wkend.i enjoyed my sat,and i'm looking fwd to a furfiling sun.
 



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