Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

Hi Blurfairy
I did not do any confinement at all...i know it's very bad but my health..i ate any food...including cold food, fast food..hawker food.
As for conceiving...my gynae told me 3 months after D&C then it's safe.He said better to let the womb rest.

Angeline...tks for yr support here. I'm sorry to hear of the event that happened to you in July 2006. Now your baby boy must have bring you lots of joy and happiness rite?
 


Hi Angeline,

im very sorry to hear what has happened to ur baby then .. it must be very tough for u then.. am glad now you have walked thru and have a baby boy.. hope to be like u too to have a baby in my arms...

Hi Blurfairy,

good to hear that u are feeling better. U will have another baby in time to come. First day of work for me was a bit difficult.. take ur time ok.

Good to take something light/plain as u mentioned fish soup, teochew porridge etc.. actually passed 30 days shld be ok but my mil ks told me to go on for 40 days... so after 40 days then i start to take chicken rice, prawn noodle etc... i drank coke once i passed the 30th day... good to take DOM every day to build up ur body.

As for sex, read from the net it's safe to have it after 6 weeks from child birth but better to check with gynae. As for trying for baby it's best to check with gynae when u have your next check up to be safe. Cos i know of a mum her womb was dropping when she had a scan. She went to TCM to push it back. And i am happy for her cos now she preggy. She has a mishap in feb 07.

Hi bbteng,

enjoy your stay with ur parents. It's comforting to have family around during such time.

Hi November,

i ks so i wait till 40 days then have my prawn mee. I also need to work up my abs... now flabby too... my pants are tight and i cant wear my fitting tops cos will see my fats "overflowing"... sigh... my check up is in oct so cant jog for now till i see my gynae... will do some crunches to tone up... and have to control my eating habits...

Hi Tarynn,

i think there are some genetic tests... but my gynae said down is not genetic and is pure bad luck, need not do any tests when i ask whether we shld do a blood test etc. You have a normal baby before this so i believe urs is truely bad luck... for my case i will not know until i have a healthy baby... but my husband will keep telling it's bad luck...

Cant access this website in office cos it was blked since today... can only access when im home..
 
Hi All,
thanks for all ur support. i'm now waiting to reach wk16 then do my amnio test. still got 2wks to go then have to wait for another 2wks for the results. thru-out all this drama, i jus feel tat i am a let down for my hubby. these 2 pregnancy have been giving him alot of stress. he's one HB who love kids. i really hope it will be good news for us on his birthday nxt mth. btw i'm 31 this year.
 
Hi Redtea,

Dun blame youself k...i believe your hubby wont feel that you let him down also....

All of us here will wish you all the best for your amnio test...look forward to hear your good news!
 
Hi Redtea,

good to hear from you. Like u i waited almost 2 wks for the amnio test result. It's really a long torturing wait. Dun think abt the result, go for movie, shopping, do things u always do.

Amnio test done at NUH, KKH only need to wait for 2 days... read from papers that NUH also has one tat result out in 2 hrs but not sure whether it's out yet. U may wish to check with ur gynae whether can refer u to the other hospitals. I would have done so if i have known earlier.

Dun think that u are a let down ok. Neither do u wan this to happen. none of us want to. I believe ur family muz be giving u a lot of support.

Yup like wat blurfairy said - hope to hear ur good news soon!

Blurfairy,

how's ur day at work today? Hope u are doing well.
 
On Sunday, I went to SGH A&E after seeing discharge..and the docs told me they found no bb heartbeat. They confirmed again on Monday that my bb is no longer there..it's very sad when I heard that especially when we have just accepted the good news of the arrival of the bb. On the very evening, I'd severe cramps and all the mess came out...those liver-like blood clots.. i know for sure, there goes my bb.. will be going for my D&C tomorrow.. hope all will be fine.

This experience is not going to deter me from trying for another one..from this, I know I'm blessed with great support from family and friends..my hubby is really wonderful.. i still tear every now and then..but life goes on...God will make a way where there seems to be no way...
 
Dear Hoops
I am sorry to hear of this. haiz...true..all of us love children. We wanted babies soooo much and are looking forward to see our babies but this type of things happened to us. I really hated those who has normal babies and yet went for abortion...
 
exactly, Tarynn..dun understand why people can bear to abort their normal babies..
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Just hope to try to conceive again next year..heard going to be harder..
 
Hi hoops, lets try again together... God bless.

I really hope to hold my own BB in my arms 1 day... I'm already 33 now... phew
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Now still keep thinking of my twinnies when i see something in pairs... hmmm
 
Hi hoops,

Glad to know that you are still very positive. Have a good rest after your operation ok..

Yah, let's all be positive and look forward to good news from all here for a bb!
 
Back in office since Tuesday...so far ok...colleagues are understanding and din ask alot, just ask 'u ok? everything ok?'.

Enjoying the aircon in office
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and keeping myself busy to clear my backlog of work so time pass quite fast which is good...wah, but quite tired by the time i reach home...
 
Hi, came across this thread and just wanted to share my experience with losing 2 babies after hearing all yr sad and touching stories. I lost my first baby when my gynae found no heartbeat during an ultra scan. I was really scared then cos that was my first pregnancy and wasn't expecting anything like that.

3 monthes later, I conceived again. This time, I thot my pregnancy would be smooth. But thing turned rough when I hit my 2nd trimester, I was found to be having high blood pressure and was warded. I remembered going in and out of MAH to be monitored. During one of my check-ups, my gynae told us that the baby may be in danger and I need to have a c section immediately. I was in my 28th weeks then. SInce it was considered ok to have a baby at that time, my gynae advised us to have the baby at SGH as it is less costly. The whole experience in the hospital was tramatic for me. Finally, I gave birth to a boy on 28 December 2004. He was weighing only 690gms and had to undergo surgery in KKH. To cut the long story short, my boy passed away in the hospital when he was 8 months old. Those were the saddest time of my life. The only thing that kept me going was my faith in God. The nurses at KKh were very kind and supportive towards us too. Till today, they will sms us on his death anniversary.

Today, I have a 20th month old boy. And I am enjoying every bit of him. My 3rd pregnancy was also a tough one cos I have HBP again but this time, I changed to a gynae who is well-known for taking care of high risk pregnancy. He was very calm and encourgaing thru'out my pregnancy esp after he heard what I had gone thru'. I was extremely worried all the the time until he was born at 36 weeks weighing only 2.3kg but was healthy. I was overjoyed when I held him in my arms. It was an answered prayer for me. I also have a friend who had 10 pregnancies but only 3 survived and today, she is enjoying her family life in NZ. So ladies, hope you will not give up yr dream of having a baby but do take care of yr health in the meantime. Jia You!
 
Hi Sharon,

May I know which gynae did you go to? I had 3 recurrent miscarriages in a year, the third miscarriage just happened last month. I am thinking of switching gynae when I am ready to ttc again. Thanks.

And to all ladies out there...be positive and all the very best!
 
HI kiwifruit

Sorry to hear abt what had happened. Pls take good care of yr body now b4 trying again. My Gynae is Dr YG Tan, he is the head consultant at Raffles Hospital. I was recommeneded by a friend after hearing how he "saves" many pregnancies.
 
Kiwifruit,

Btw, for all my 3 pregnancies, I had threaten miscarriage cos of bleeding during 1st trimester. For the 3rd pregnancy, I had high fever together with bleeding. Dr Tan saw me thru' all my worries at that time. I am really very grateful to him.
 
Sharon,

Thank you for the information. Will definately consider seeing Dr Tan the next time I get pregnant. Meantime the Chinese physician whom I had consulted advised me to improve my constitution before trying again. Have to be patient now.
 
Hi Sharon,

Thanks for sharing your story. Very sorry about your lost. i feel encouraged after hearing your story.

Hi Hoops,

I believe one day u will have a baby in ur arms. Im waiting for tat day to come too. Stay positive.

Hi blurfairy,

good to keep urself busy. Time will pass really fast.. and keep our mind off thinking too much...
I have been very busy with work too... cant even remember which day of the week it is .. next wed is my next visit to the gynae. Hopefully everything turns out well and i can try again.. my menses went haywire.. after the 1st menses, within a week my menses came back again... not red but dark brown... will take bai feng wan when it clears..
Going for a short trip to hokkaido 2 weeks later with hubby & 2 best frens. To have a good break and to have lots of salmon before i ttc again.. looking fwd to tat day
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Thanks, cpshe for your encouragement..I believe something good is in store for me..trust God always!

enjoy ur trip at hokkaido..me n hubby also planning for a trip soon just to getaway and relax..
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hi cp,

so when did your mense come back...i am in my 6th week now after the op but still no sign...just having the yellowish/brownish stains on and off...

last thursday went for follow up, doc said everything ok but she said cant see much of mense building up during the ultrasound so have to wait for at least 3weeks...

also feeling abit of stomach cramp for past week..but after my check up last thursday, my gynae say scan shows my uterus is fine so the pain should not be due to my op...sigh, dunno why leh...
 
Hi Blurfairy,

my menses came back abt 7 weeks later. Heavier than before.. it lasted abt a week. Then abt a week later it came again but dark brown and not red... now still having very light brown discharge. Will check with gynae. Urs now yellowish brown will turn to yellowish white think will stop by then. Read from net some lasted till 2 mths. It's normal.

I read from net that ovulation may have a bit of cramp juz that not everyone will feel it. Dunno is it that. I also have light cramps, tinkling feeling. I think it's normal since u and i have it. I found this website - www.bellybelly.com.au useful. Read the forum on trying again after lost of baby. Quite informative.

Since ur doc said everything's ok dun worry ok. Build up ur health. Try again when u are ready.
 
Hi Blurfairy and cp,

my menses came about 8 weeks later after the op. 1st 2 days are really heavy, I have to change pad 3 times a day. I even leaked onto my bed on the 2nd night. On the 4th and 5th day, the flow reduced significantly and I think will be stopping soon. Will be going for my final check with the doctor after my menses finished.
 
hi nov and cp,

Still waiting for my menses to come. Still having cramps now and then..ouch...yah, i read that cramps maybe due to ovulation/uterus contracting after the op...i am checking with my doc if this is the case......sigh, i used to find myself quite blessed as i seldom had menstrual cramp...dunno if i going to feel this every month next time...
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hi blurfairy,

How is your menstrual cramp? Should be better by now?

My menses has stopped and I am waiting for my 2nd menses to come again. I heard the cycle might be irregular for a while.
 
Hi Blurfairy,

think best is to check with gynae.
For me, i have a 1.3cm polyp.. gynae inserted pill for it to drain out.. tat also explains why i kept spotting even after my menses. Also can't try yet. Will see wat gynae say on my next visit.

On wed, my ex collague (due in nov, same as my boy - the one tat i mentioned whom i saw and i cried) sms me tat she has delivered. I broke down when i thot of her carrying and feeding her girl... i shld be doing tat too in a mth's time if my boy is still in me. Sad, hope i can deal with myself on my EDD.
 
hi cp,

Please be strong. You will soon have a baby to hold too, it is just a matter of time. Meanwhile try to stay happy and relax.

I still dare not hold a new born baby for fear of breaking down. Will try to overcome this bit by bit, have to keep telling myself to stay strong.

Let's be strong together! *hugz*
 
cp,
Yah..be strong...went for my fren's bb first month last weekend. yah, do felt abit sad when i thot of mine...but i dun feel too upset too...previously, i din even want to attend such meetings...but now I am fine, looking at babies make me yearn for one again...so i planning to start trying maybe next year or in dec..see how...lets stay positive k....

november,
thanks for the concern..the cramps are actually gastric and not due to the op, thank goodness...my mense came last sat..zun zun 8 wks..was slightly heavier than my normal but not v heavy too...
 
Hi Nov and blurfairy,

thanks...
like nov i dare not hold new born baby... i definitely will break down. Going for check up this fri. Hopefully the polyp is cleared and i can try again soon. Hopefully this mth...

Blurfairy,

it seems u are recovering better than me. I cant imagine myself attending fren's baby 1-mth bday. I will definitely break down. Tat's good. Keep urself healthy. Hope to hear good news from u soon ;)

Let's all grow stronger each day!
 
Hi!

the thread has been quiet for sometime. How's everyone doing?

Today's the EDD of my boy and am on leave with hubby at home. Miss my boy and was sad to read abt the loss of the 5 dragonboat rowers... How devastating it is to lose the sons..

Am coping well and time definitely fly fast and Xmas coming.

Hope everyone's doing well and hope to hear good news from u gals
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Hi cp,

Yah...i was sad to hear about the dragonboat mishap too...sigh, all still so young...

I am switching to a new working place next monday..so was v busy over the past few weeks to clear off my stuff...

have been thinking of switching job for a long while, cos i wasnt really happy with wat i am doing now...but din want to change job cos afraid that will affect bb making plans so wanted to change job only after bb.

But after what i went through, i realised no matter how well you try to plan, sometimes things just don't work out the way you expect...so when this job opportunity comes along, i thought 'what the heck, just take the plunge and see how it goes'

hopefully, i can be happier in new job...and start afresh...

Really wish next year will be a better year for everybody too...Merry Christmas!
 
Hi ladies,

How are u all doing?

Would like to ask u ladies a question. When your angels left u, did you do a ritual for them? One of my friend advised me to do it for my angel. I did not consider previously as my husband and I are free thinker. However, my friend strongly recommend we do it.

I was thinking of doing the ritual just in case what my friend said is true. She said if I did not do the ritual, my baby cannot be reborn. So, for the good of my angel, I am considering her suggestion.

Please advise.
 
Hi November, how r u? Hope you r doing well.

Just to share with you, I did a ritual for my twinnies few days after i discharged from the hospital (Aug). It is good to do it. I am a free thinker too but still go on with it for the good of my 2 little boys.

Hope they are now going on for reborn Q...hmmm
 
hi november,

most temple do the ritual during the lunar 7th mth for the ancestors as well. Our babies known as shui zi ling will be written on a piece of paper with the mother's name and paste on the dentage. For the whole of 7th mth temple will recite the rituals so ancestors and baby will be brought to the "ji le shi jie" and not suffer.

I recall one that does this on qing ming as well but i cant remember which. Mine only do this on 7th mth. It's the temple at clementi next to the commonwealth ave west clementi fire station known as S'pore Buddhist Youth Mission. Tel: 67755557.

Hope this helps.
 
Hi bbteng and peppermintt,

Thank you for your advise. I think I will go and do a ritual for my baby boy for him to be reborn and not suffer. I want to do it within this year, before chinese new year.
 
Hi November,

I did it in a buddhist temple at Geylang,cant really remember the temple name now, I think its called "Jing Ming Shi"...last Aug was also the lunar 7th month.
 
hi bbteng & tarynn, i understand from the above posting that u all go to a Buddhism temple at Geylang "Ching Ming Shi" to "chao du". can u pm me the address ? cos i think i have lost my bb at 7 weeks....
 
Hi Lades,

Just came back from a routine check yesterday and was told my precious little one didn't make it.... At 8 weeks, he gave up on me... No heartbeat was detected anymore and bb wasn't growing.... I'll be doing a D&C tomorrow...

Now my tears can't seem to stop... I wasn't even crying in my sleep... I mamage to conceive thru IVF and was a tough ride for me as initially I was bleeding and was hospitalized... Was only discharged when bb's heartbeat was seen...

I can't help blaming myself if it was something that I did or eat that caused it.... I feel that I can't hang on there anymore...
 
hi cpshe,
I tried to PM u but failed.I've a D&C done after Xmas,bleeding stopped 2-week later.My gynae found out tat i've a 15mm uterine polyp last wk.Can i chk wf u what medicine tat ur gynae precribed for u to flush out the polyp?My gynae advised me to go for hysteroscopy.Hv ur polyp completely cleared?which gynae r u currently seeing?
 
Hi Cynthia,

i hope u are doing better by now. It's tough. Most of us went through this difficult stage and i walked out. Learn to let go and not stop here. Look to the future, move on and never give up. Wat has happened is nothing to do with u. Dun blame urself. For us maybe this is something really bad that we have to go thru. It's definitely not easy. But dun stop there. Take good care of ur health hugs...

Hi Avocado,

my polyp was 121mm then and i inserted 2 pills twice within a day and the polyp totally cleared the following mth. I have no idea what's the name of the pill. My gynae is Dr Lisa Chin at gleneagles level 7-09. Tel: 6474 2281.
 
Hi ladies,

Hope this thread is still active as I really need support and encouragement from all of you.

I am 20-wk pregnant and just found out from my detailed scan yesterday that my baby is abnormal. Me and hb have decided not to keep him as don't want him to suffer next time. This is my 2nd pregnancy and 1st pregnancy also end up in miscarriage, which D&C was carried out in Aug07. Will go through the procedure to terminate this pregnancy as well next week. That means, we lost 2 babies within 7 mths. Really really sad. I really wish I can keep him but I rather I suffer now than he suffers in the future.
 
Hi beverly

Hugs to you. It is really a very difficult and hard decision. What is the diagnose for the baby? Do you want to seek 2nd view? Sometimes detailed scan might not be accurate.
 
Hi susanna,

Thanks for replying. As I thought this thread is no longer active, I joined the thread of support group for miscarriage instead.

My baby is detected with spina bifida. We went to see 3 specialists (@ KKH, TMC and Raffles) right after we got the result but all of them told us the same thing. In fact I have gone through 3 detailed scans on that day and confirm that my baby is deformed. Heart broken.

My baby will be with me for another 3 days. I used to talk to him alot and asked him to stay healthy and strong. Now, I talk to him in the way to explain to him why we decided not to keep him. I know it sounds silly but I really hope that he hears me and understands our decision.

Next week will be a really hard time for me. I dunno what I need to go through. Induced labour sounds terrible to me as I know I will not be able to bring my baby home.
 
Beverly
been a long time since i check on this thread which i started. I did my Mid-term termination and D&C in Aug 07 cos i was having a down syndrome baby and we decided not to keep him. Then i had a miscarriage last month...went for evacuation of the uterus followed by D&C on 15th Feb 2008 at Mt Alvernia.
Beverly ,i know it is very very hard on you. Carrying a child but cannot keep him/her. A few days before my Mid-term termination during aug 07,i kept talking to my baby boy that mummy and daddy are really sorry, we cannot keep him. Every child is precious, we would very much like to shower him with love, hugs, kissed etc but reality is reality..if he has been born, he will not be bale to go to normal school, normal routine and many many more. I also cannot take the stares/looks from people . People may tell that Down syndrome child is no different from normal child etc etc, but easier said than done. So we decided to let the child go.
The procedure for me is heart-broken. My husband was not with me when the child was born. I felt my water bag burst( after a few insertion of perssary for dilation) and after a while, the baby was passed out but his head was still not fully out, i told the nurse at TMC that i am really in great pain and felt something'down there' but i was ignored. I was very sad and super in pain but i was ignored even after 3 loud shouts from me. It was only after ard an hour that a nurse stepped in..she even have the cheek to then lift up the blanket and told me the baby is there..my god! wat kind of service is she providing? I have there and then told her to check on me but was ignored. I was really angry...but wat to do. After the baby's head is out, he was placed in a kidney dish and carefully wrapped up in a blue sheet. He looks really beautiful and my heart went all out for my poor cold boy
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Then i remembered i was pushed to the OT for the D&C procedure which lasted less than 30 min. After that i was pushed back to my room to rest...but i could not sleep the whole night cos i missed my boy....he was just alive 12 hours ago...but 12 hours later, he is being 'killed' by me.Even now,7 months later, i still missed his kicks when he was in my stomach.When i left the hospital, i saw other mother carrying their babies, all ready to go home. But i went home with nothing except tears and a broken heart.
Beverly, my nightmare struck twice. I was preggy this Jan but ended up miscarriage
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Life is really cruel i would say. Looking on the bright side is still very difficult for me.
I feel like giving you a good hug Beverly.Hugs Hugs..
 
Hi,

I had also just lost my baby last week at 24 week of pregnancy. Both of his kidneys failed and doc says that there is zero chance of surviving even if we carry to full term. Still trying hard to get over it even although I tried to act strong in front of others.

In my heart, I feel so alone even when my husband or others are around. I feel that my husband is so indifferent. Less than 24 hours after event, he could easily get back to his normal life as if nothing had happened. Wonder if all husbands act the same way in such event? I feel so sad.
 
hi suet leng,

m so sorry about what happ. it must be tough on u. don't bottle yr feelings. i find that letting out n crying it out helps to move on.
i'm supposed to be having twins but i lost one of them. heartbeat just stopped. nothing i can do about it. i was happily preparing things in a set but after the news, there was a period i was too sad to do anything. i lost motivation for everything. pp will tell me, at lest u still have one or it's for the better etc. but i till feel a deep sense of loss n nobody could understand. after 1 wk of denial, i went into depression. i couldn't eat, couldn't sleep n was crying all the time. mom n mil don't know what to do but to leave me alone. my hubby also was indifferent.....worst. he did not allow me to cry cos he say don't affect the other baby, totally ignoring my feelings.....

finally, after 2 wks of crying n not eating i had a heart talk with my hubby n told him how hurt i was when he was indifferent to my feelings. i can put up a gd show in front of others but i need him to be there for me. after that he made it a point to call me in the afternoons to check on me and he took a day leave here n there to accompany me
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guys r different from us la. they don;t carry the baby, they don;t feel it the way we do. that we have to give n take i guess. hubby still need to work, so guess life has to go on for them to maintain the household.

however, at this moment. pls take care of yr body. do a mini confinement and "pu" back yr health. usually can try very fast after that ( wait 2-3 cycles) as yr body still have hormones that are conducive for conceiving. but u must be emotionally ok before u try. maybe after yr mini confinement, go for a short holiday n relax. it helps alot
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take care n hugz
 
Hi Beverly,

I lost my bb gal in end Aug 07 after 14 weeks. I went for detailed scan (OSCARS) at my 14wks which revealed that she has multiple deformaties related to spina bifida..(i remember one of which is anencephaly where the bb skull did not manage to close properly)...cos mine the problems are quite severe, doc advise to terminate...

i was at a complete shock when i found out as my family and my husband side both dont have any history of deformed babies...I went for second opinion at glenegles which gave the same diagnosis...

I went for the termination procedure the following week. It was induced labour also...i was discharged the following day. If you want to know more, let me know your email add and i email you...

it has been about six mths now...i must say i picked myself up quite ok now....give yourself time to grief..cos it helps in the recovery process...dun rush and force yourself to recover fast ...i find that talking about it also helps thats why i came into this forum to talk and share...it also help that i got intro to this lady who shared her painful experience to me (she actually went through a still birth at 36wks)..she now had 2 kids...it gave me hope ...

actually i agree what some of the ladies here commented, men are really quite 'indiferent' compared to women...they dun feel the pain we went through...as much as they love you...
 
Hi All,

Feel so empty after terminate my pregnancy at 20 week of pregnancy yesterday due to fetal abnormalities.

When I was pushed to OT for D&C procedure, I feel so helpless and scared that I opted for general anaesthetic instead. The anaesthetic doctor has no patient and fierce too... After what going through for the whole day, I really feel tired physically and emotionally. I lost all my courage to face the D&C procedure which has to be at night, 6 hours after my last meal.

What is D&C procedure actually? The moment I woke up, everything is over.

Sad, tired of crying, emptiness...hubby also feel the same thing. This is our second child and we don't know why this happen to us...

Now only my 7 month old DD can cheers me up, else I really don't know how to face all this...
 


Hi Eleen,

D&C stands for dilation (or "dilatation") and curettage -- that is, opening the cervix (dilation) and scraping the inside of the uterus (curettage).

My pregnancy also only terminate exactly 2 weeks ago, but was through induced delivery which last more then 12 hrs. So have gone through the labour pain for quite a number of hours, cos the pain killer does not work near the end. Was not given the option of anaesthetic/epidural at all.

Also feel the emptiness as you even till today. It's my first child. Intend to get a job fast after 1 mth rest to get over it.

Hope that you can get over it fast, cos you still have your little one to care for.


Hi little_twin_stars,

Thanks for your care. You must also pull up yourself for your little one in your tummy.
 

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