Beverly
been a long time since i check on this thread which i started. I did my Mid-term termination and D&C in Aug 07 cos i was having a down syndrome baby and we decided not to keep him. Then i had a miscarriage last month...went for evacuation of the uterus followed by D&C on 15th Feb 2008 at Mt Alvernia.
Beverly ,i know it is very very hard on you. Carrying a child but cannot keep him/her. A few days before my Mid-term termination during aug 07,i kept talking to my baby boy that mummy and daddy are really sorry, we cannot keep him. Every child is precious, we would very much like to shower him with love, hugs, kissed etc but reality is reality..if he has been born, he will not be bale to go to normal school, normal routine and many many more. I also cannot take the stares/looks from people . People may tell that Down syndrome child is no different from normal child etc etc, but easier said than done. So we decided to let the child go.
The procedure for me is heart-broken. My husband was not with me when the child was born. I felt my water bag burst( after a few insertion of perssary for dilation) and after a while, the baby was passed out but his head was still not fully out, i told the nurse at TMC that i am really in great pain and felt something'down there' but i was ignored. I was very sad and super in pain but i was ignored even after 3 loud shouts from me. It was only after ard an hour that a nurse stepped in..she even have the cheek to then lift up the blanket and told me the baby is there..my god! wat kind of service is she providing? I have there and then told her to check on me but was ignored. I was really angry...but wat to do. After the baby's head is out, he was placed in a kidney dish and carefully wrapped up in a blue sheet. He looks really beautiful and my heart went all out for my poor cold boy
Then i remembered i was pushed to the OT for the D&C procedure which lasted less than 30 min. After that i was pushed back to my room to rest...but i could not sleep the whole night cos i missed my boy....he was just alive 12 hours ago...but 12 hours later, he is being 'killed' by me.Even now,7 months later, i still missed his kicks when he was in my stomach.When i left the hospital, i saw other mother carrying their babies, all ready to go home. But i went home with nothing except tears and a broken heart.
Beverly, my nightmare struck twice. I was preggy this Jan but ended up miscarriage
Life is really cruel i would say. Looking on the bright side is still very difficult for me.
I feel like giving you a good hug Beverly.Hugs Hugs..