Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

blurfairy

Member
thanks bbteng and tarynn...i will discuss with hb...

bbeng, your boss and colleagues very nice...wait for you to go company trip together...good to go for the trip and relax
 


blurfairy

Member
you ladies felt abit of 'suan suan' when you hear pple pregnant ...i just found out that one of my colleague expecting...sigh...felt this suan feeling...

i am ok with grown up bb cos my fren brought her 2 year old kid to see me that day, but felt that feeling when i saw new born bb...
 

tarynn

Member
I cannot help but feel very suan when i see pregnant ladies or those with new borns. Haiz..i really really envy them.
 

tarynn

Member
Hi cutecute
The $38 is for 5 yrs. Every 1st and 15th of the month, they will recite and pray. Will do for 5 yrs. This $38 is for 5 yrs service.
 

grapes

New Member
Hi bbteng,

Sorry to hear your loss. I think we went to the same Dec 07 MTB. Your nick looks familar. My baby was induced on the same week as yours on 13 Aug at TMC at around 19 - 20 weeks.

I did not chao du for my baby as I am a free thinker. I am still adjusting to my loss but is feeling better.

As your timing is about the same as mine, can I ask u about your discharge? I still have some discharge, sometimes still reddish. Its one month already, seems quite long to still have discharge.

I had my 2 weeks confinement food, now not having confinement food anymore but still taking chicken essence and DOM daily. How about you? what else is needed to strengthen the body?
 

blurfairy

Member
Hi Cheryl, thanks...i am feeling much better already...slow adjusting to the reality and moving on
..all the best to you also


Tarynn and bbteng...the temple you went is it call Cheng Beng Buddhist society? It is the closest i can find to "Ching Ming Shi" on the street directory...near geylang lor 27..

ladies, my genetics test result on the bb was out on saturday...doc said not due to chromosonal prob...not passed down by parents genes...something went wrong during the cell division...although it is quite a relief to hear that it is not genetically linked, but cant help but wonder why cell din divide properly...doc also no answer...cant help but think issit because i gena stomach flu at the time when i conceived the bb and the virus somehow affected the cell division...or issit because also the same day i gena flu virus i was doing hair perm (unaware of preg then)? ...sigh...dunno...i think i prob cannot find answer to that...

But one thing for sure i will be doing is that i will keep my body healthy for the next try...go for exercise next month...sometimes certain things we just take for granted, or too lazy to do...
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi all,

glad that someone came out with this support group cos i personally find it hard to communicate with pple who dun go through the same lost as we do.

Everyone has their own thoughts so pple may find us selfish to do this. We who went through this know that making this decision is never easy and it's torturing! This is for the best for our babies.

This was my first pregnancy. I did triple test at gleneagles at abt 16 weeks (though initially i din wan to since pple around me said im young - 29 yrs old and most did not have this test). Result showed that im low risk. It's only during my detailed check at 20 weeks that my baby was detected with serve heart defect. It's friday the 13th jul (really bad luck!). On tat same day i did amnio test as heart defect is assoc with down syndrome. Can you imagine! THe stress and coping with the news while doing the amnio test. Eversince then we prayed hard everyday hoping my baby is not down... after 2 weeks of long wait i had the bad news. It's really hard to digest..
and on 28th jul at 22 weeks i had an induced labour... till today i can still remember the warmth of my baby between my thighs.. and the nurse telling me my baby is really poor thing... We chose not to see the baby... i dun think i can cope with it..

Tarynn, i can fully understand how u feel.. the heartache, the guilt, the unfairness, the why me, how much you wanted ur baby... till today though it has been almost 2 mths... i wil still think why me though i know it's useless to question this...

The heartache is always there... but one thing i am sure is this is for the best for my baby... whether it's right or wrong doesn't matter anymore.. the fact is we lost our babies...

Do have a confinement it's important... i had one mth confinement and am glad that my family and friends are supportive towards us...

I will try again... in time to come... my gynae told me that this is not recurrent and nothing to do with our genes. It's pure bad luck... and im really so down in luck!

Pple have told me that it's blessing in disgust... maybe i guess but still i lost my baby... the heart ache is always there...

Whenever i see parents with their children i really envy of them... how i wish i can have one to cuddle and love... My husband will always say we will have our turn... and im waiting...

Unlike some of u gals this is my first child so i really hope this is not genetic as what my gynae said though i did ask whether we shld have blood test...

I also did a 7th mth chao du for my baby... hope that he is in a better place now... no more sufferings...

We learn to be brave... and we are braver now...

Stay strong and i believe one day we will have our own (again)...
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi Blurfairy,

understand how u feel when pple say u are stil young, you can try again... it's not a matter of whether we are young or not... it's that we lost our baby...

But i understand that they do mean well when they say this... they juz wanted to comfort us.. dun take it to heart...

I find reading books on coping with pregnancy loss pretty helpful.. and we will understand why some husband dun take it that hard as we ladies do...

time will heal... but we wont forget the little ones we lost... inital part is always the toughest but we learn to be stronger...

Now, im better at coping with things/stress as i have encountered the WORST in my life so far... I learn to be more forgiving, more relax and less gan chiong...
 

blurfairy

Member
Hi cp,

I have learnt not to judge people for the decisions they made....i now understand it is never easy to make that decision.

I now also try and take things easy....let nature takes its course...what is meant to be yours will be yours eventually...:p
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi Blurfairy,

ya eventaully we will have ours


There are so many pregnant ladies this year isn't it.. my sis in law is also pregnant.. 3 mths now.. another colleague of mine also pregnant 4mths... and another juz gave birth in aug.. think she will be coming to office soon for her baby 1-mth bday.. hope i can handle it well tat day..

My bleeding (lochia) took 6 weeks to clear and till today (8weeks) my menses has not come yet..

i broke down last week when i saw my preg ex-colleague who due in the same mth as mine.. See ing her from a distance and acknowledging her is ok.. but that day she came to me and say hi i felt like tearing... when she left tears juz flow... now im afraid of seeing... im afraid i will break down again and i dun wan to do tat in front of her... really envy her...
 

blurfairy

Member
so you went back to office after one month of hospitalisation leave?

this is my last week of leave...going back next week...my lochia still has little little stains here and there...was wondering why it take so long though my doc say is normal...did you ask your gynae why menses haven come?

understand the feeling...this morning i also received a sms from a fren who just gave birth to a bb gal...dunno how to react...took me a while to reply back with just a 'congrats' msg cos i dunno what to say....
 

cpshe

New Member
yup.. back to office after 1 mth leave... it has been almost a mth... difficult initially..

read from the net that lochia takes 2-6 weeks to clear.. last bit of it will be yellow-white in colour... mine lasted 6 weeks... dun worry since gynae already said it's normal. Menses may go haywire.. nurse said i can go back for a scan prior to my scheduled appt in oct and gynae will prescibe hormone pills for menses to come so the remaining bits in the womb can clear with the menses. Menses may take up to 2 mths to come for us who din breast feed. So i will wait till the end of 2 mths then decide whether to go...

talking abt dunno how to react... the first day of work a colleague from another dept called to ask abt work... the first thing she said is when are u due. shocked to hear this, paused for a while and i said no more... she apologised.

For me 1st day of work pretty tough.. dread going to work, dread seeing pple's stares on my tummy which is no longer there.. am able to pull through.. the following day was exactly the 1 mth anniversary.. kept myself busy and had a hard cry at nite.. slowly i get used to pple's stares and pple will forget too...
 

tarynn

Member
Hi all..been a while since i posted. True..seeing other pregnant ladies....seeing others with newborn is really tough for me. Today i saw my mom's neighbour washing newborn clothing..guess she gave birth these few days. Sign...how I wish I got a chance to wash clothing for my lost bb too. Even though nearly a month after my termination...depression is still there. I know time will heal but i just feel very low morale.
 

tarynn

Member
Hi Blurfairy...
I was just wondering the same questions as you. When i conceive, I was down with Gastroenteritis and I also did re-bonding to my hair. Wondering if this has also caused the cell not to divide properly...
 

bbteng

Member
Hi November,

Yes, I was also from Dec MTB, I saw you there...

I lost my twins on Aug 16. I also take DOM b4 bedtime, but not every night bcos sometimes my mom cooks me the essence with chinese herbs for "chin bu"...

Then i did 30days confinement, just eat a lot of chicken cooked with sesame oil, ginger, red & black dates drinks, chicken essence, "dong kuai", veggie, fish, meat, all cooked with more or less the same ingredients...

Even now, I still eat the same food to make my body strong, i earned 5kg in 1 month after came back from hospital...phai say.

Then i also take the chinese herbs for hot bathing, for 40days.

I m also a free thinker but I mostly choose to follow buddhism, my HB too...so we went to the buddhist temple to "chao du" our sons.

I done my D&C on Aug 17, and had the normal mensus volume for 1 week plus, then reduced volume, by week 3 onwards, considered very clean, just little sticky mucus sometimes with blood. Then week 4 is totally cleared.

So, how is yours now?
 

bbteng

Member
Hi blurfairy,
I think the temple you mentioned is the one my HB went to...it is a buddhism society too...and the fee they charge for "chao du" is reasonable.

One of my friends reccomended me her "shi fu" for "chao du", they quoted me $1388 for 1 BB, mine is twins, so they charge $1888 wor...very expensive. Somemore I dont like those Daoist (dao shi) kind of things, i prefer buddhism, very simple, just praying with fruits & flowers without those chicken & ducks things....
 

bbteng

Member
Hmmm, me too..."suan" feeling when frens sms me said they pregnant, and also frens email me to ask me how's my twins and I....I had informed them of my losses...they all shock and asked why...and nobody knows "WHY"...

This morning SGH called my HB to send the regards...hmmm...

As we both also went to see the counseller in SGH as my gynae arranged during my ward stays, and also after discharged. Actually is good for me and HB to say out our feelings to her...

Now I will still cry in the night, sometimes...

And I saw the BB dresses my mom bought for my boys...also heartbreaking. Just keep them.
 

bbteng

Member
Many of my frens are pregnant, and will give birth in Oct...the only thing I can do is to wish them good luck & have a healthy BB.

I dont want to tell them much of my story as dont want to affect their mood...1 fren has given birth to a boy on Sept 3, she called me, i wished her...

And when i loss my boys, my MIL told me that my SIL pregnant 2 mths...hmmm....i ask my HB to return the maternity wears to her last week... she didnt say a word though...we all dont want to talk about it anymore.

My MIL said try next time...I dont know what to say also...will try but with phobia lo...
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi bbteng,

cry when you feel like it. I find myself feeling better after that.

Keep the clothes first. You can use it for ur next baby
I ordered baby bibs and a maternity dress. When these arrived, i already lost my baby. Sometimes i will dig out the bibs and socks i bought for my boy. I no longer cry when i see them. There's a sadness though, and the thought of my boy... how much i miss him.

we also bought the stroller and baby cot. We thought of getting it delivered to us one of these days.It will definitely remind us of my boy. But it will also encourage us to try again. We wont leave it empty. We will have our baby one day. I am really inspired by Amelia.

Good to see so many posts from you. It's good to write.
 

aamelia

New Member
Hi,

Been busy the last 2 weeks. Sad to know so many mummys share the same sad experience but yet comforting to know that we are not alone. I wished that when i had my termination, there was such a thread to pour my sorrows in.

Going back to work was very difficult. Some pple did not know about my termination. Really difficult to hold back the tears and tell pple why I was no longer preg......

none the less the sad times will pass. tarynn, november, bbteng, cp, blurfairy, jia you.......hope everyone will have a happy baby in your arms soon.
 

grapes

New Member
Hi bbteng,

My discharge has not cleared yet. I need to wear panty liner daily as there are still reddish mucus. will be going back to the gynae for a check up tomorrow. Will have to ask him why I take so long to clear up.

Wow your confinement is really good. I did not do such complete confinement. I had confinement food for 2 weeks plus and bathe normal warm water daily. I did take DOM and chicken essence daily though.

Its really hard when people ask about us. I will just say what happened and try to deal with my saddness later..but most of my friends, families and colleuages did not say much and we just go on as per normal. I am glad they are so understanding. But still it hurts to see so many preggies and babies around...this year is bumper year i think. Guess its a phase we have to go through..got to "bite our teeth" and go on with life. My really closed colleuage is going to pop soon, she will be bringing her third child to office as we can bring kids to office...I guess since I lost my baby boy, I can at least hold and love her baby boy. Hope I will not break down when I hold her baby boy in my arms.
 

grapes

New Member
Hi Cp,

I saw you at the other thread. I guess the ladies' situation here is more similar to ours. Must thank Tarynn to start this thread so that all of us can share and support each other through this difficult phase.
 

cpshe

New Member
Thanks Tarynn and amelia.
Im doing better now... though at times when i see preg ladies and babies, i really envy them..

Amelia,

for my next preg i will do the nuchal thickness and blood test at 11-13 weeks which has a higher accuracy of 85%. But OSCAR's accuracy is higher at 90%. though a mild 5% diff it's a lot to me. The one i did for my first preg was the triple test - 65% accuracy. As my gynae is at Gleneagles they dun have OSCAR. Another thought was whether shld i proceed to do amnio test even if result shows im low risk as for my 1st preg, down was missed during the triple test. But am afraid of the miscarriage that may result from the amnio test. Wil discuss gynae.. Any advice?

Really envy some of you here who already have a child. At least u have one to hug when u miss ur baby. But i understand the one you have will not replace the one u lost. And u know you can have a normal child. As for me, i still doubt whetehr i will have a normal kid though gynae said is not genetic and pure bad luck..

Hi November,

ya really muz thank Tarynn for starting this thread. Our issue in the previous thread is too sensitive to be discussed.. moreover we juz lost our babies and are so vulnerable yet have to be judged... i stopped visiting the thread since my last post. But i still communicate with one of the mum in the thread privately. U take care ya! Try not to take food that are "Poisonous" like prawns... until the 40th day is up
 

aamelia

New Member
cp,

For my pregnancy after the termination, I did the OSCAR test. Although my doctor had advised that I just go for amniocentesis. My risk taking into consideration my prev downs' pregnancy was 1:2000. Doctor advised me no need for amniocentesis but thoughout the pregnancy my doctor was always looking for signs of downs syndrome during the scans.

The reason I did the OSCAR was because I was afraid of having another downs' pregnancy and wanted to know as early as possible. I think although the risk of miscarriage is 1% for amnio if you are very concerned about downs or if the OSCAR risks are very high then better to go for amnio.
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi Amelia,

thanks for the advice.
Like you i would like to know the result asap..

I will check with my gynae on the diff between OSCAR and the test at gleneagles and why there's a 5% diff since both checked the same thing.
If my risk is low will not do the amnio test..
Will get my gynae to look out for the signs...
By the way, who's ur gynae?
 

angtay

Active Member
i am going into this roller coaster ride after i received my oscar test result tdy. my ratio is 1:50. i cried upon hearing my ratio result from my gynae. i will definitely go for the amniocentesis which is another 3wks later.
i really dunno why things like this happen to me. i had a M/C last year ard the same time. and then this bad news come to me tdy ard the same time of my D&C too.

I have nobody to pour my worries and sorrow to except here. i really hope that the amniocentesis result turn out ok.
 

tarynn

Member
Hi all....no need to tks me for starting this thread. Cos at that time, i really need a place to vent my sorrow, doubts, anger etc etc and I see that there is no previous thread regarding mid termination. If I ever get pregnant again, i think i will be very paranoid until I go for OSCAR or any other test...cos the fear will be still there.I dun want history to repeat itself again.

RedTea, I will pray for you. I really really hope you will get a cute healthy normal baby!! Ps feel free to private message me if u need someone to 'talk' to..or u wanna post here and we all give u support cos we have been thru fear etc. All of us will pray very hard for you!!!! But u must rest well too cos it will affect yr baby you know? Take care!
 

aamelia

New Member
Redtea,

sorry to hear about your test results. I remember when my test results came out as 1:27. I was so lost, my gynae told me to look at it another way. The chance of having a downs baby was only 4%. Although eventually the amnio confirmed the "downs" but at least I felt better for a while. Your chances of having a downs baby is lower than mine, 2% so don't worry. I know someone whose oscar was 1:37 and the baby was alright so try to look at the bright side. Your mood now will affect your baby.

cp,
my gynae was john tee.
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi Redtea,

my heart goes out to you. I know how heart wrenching it's to see the result juz as i first heard the doc telling me my baby had heart defect. We as parents wish for healthy babies and we try to do the best for them. We are unprepared to hear news like this.

U may be at a higher risk but this doesn't mean you are having one... there are mums from other threads with results showing that they are at higher risk but babies turn out to be normal. Don't give up! Think positively for ur baby.

(((HUGS)))
 

cherylkjh

Active Member
redtea

dun think too much... i m sure the amnio test will turn out fine.. there are ppl who got ratio worst den u but their amnio turn out to be fine.... think positively

regards mtpt

i have gone thru it b4, although it is not due to anything.... i was feeling so sad that i have to go thru this 7 yrs ago.... that time still young duno abt "chao du" thingy... so i hope the bb already tau tai, or maybe he/she will be back to me 1 day.... b4 i went for it, i keep telling bb pls come back to me after u tau tai...
 

blurfairy

Member
Hi Redtea,

Had a colleague who got to do the amino test cos her ratio was not good...but amino test turns out find and now she had a chubby boy...so just try to think on the bright side cos thinking negative won't change things also, so might as well try to think positive and hope for the best..

CP,
Although my case was not due to downs, my bb's problems were detected when i went for the OSCAR test....The OSCARS test included this 11-14 weeks Nuchal Translucency test and it was during this scan when it detected my bb's problems, the most severe being the absent of back skull called anencephaly which is supposed to be fatal...the OSCARs also supposed to do blood test, but after my bb prob detected, doc advised say no need to and end up i just pay for the Nuchal test cost...

Not sure if other tests would have detected my bb prob...but in any case for my next preg, will still go for the OSCARS test cos it is the earliest possible test to take...sure going to be very nervous next preg so want to know if bb is ok ASAP.
 

shirubia

New Member
Hi mummies. I have my triple test done 4 years back and my baby has NTD. Before I could make the decision to terminate the pregnancy, my baby decided for herself to stop surviving. Her heartbeat stopped. Therefore I was induced. I was devastated then. Till today I still think of her.

However life goes on. 3 months later, I tried and succeeded. My 1st surviving daughter is borned on Jan 05 and subsequently my 2nd son borned in Apr 07. I would like to encourage those mummies to try again. Your pain is still fresh. I understand. I still remember that day I was in the operating room. I kept crying until I was being 'knocked off'. The 1st month was bad. I cried and cried. Today I still cry when I think of her. Mummies, take care. You can go on having healthy babies. For me, when I see my 2 kids, I feel blessed and encouraged.
 

cpshe

New Member
Hi Blurfairy,

sorry to hear what actually happened to your baby. Will check with gynae on the OSCAR test. My gynae has a first trimester test done at 11-13 weeks similar to OSCAR. My menses finally came 2 days ago... pretty heavy compared to the past.. some of my colleagues who gave birth mentioned that menstruation cycles go haywire for the first few cycles.

Hi Silk,

thanks for telling us your encounters and word of encouragement. I will definitely try again, when gynae gives the ok, despite of the phobia and fears.

Redtea,

i hope u are coping well...
 

blurfairy

Member
CP,

Good to hear that your menses came back...cos my gynae say that means your body have more or less recovered..when your gynae say can try again?...my gynae mentioned actually after first menstrual can try, but she advice after 2nd menstrual to play safe...
 

cpshe

New Member
Ya am glad my menses is back.. pretty heavy ... My gynae said can try after 3 mths... but she will give the ok only when i see her again in oct. I read from net some said after 3 menstrual cycles... but there's another said after 1... Have alook at this link which i found from another thread http://www.pregnancyloss.info/trying_again.htm

My colleague who gave birth in Aug came this am with her baby & hb. Initially im able to control my emotions and concentrate on work. I remained at my work station and had a look at her. Then more pple started to gather around her. It became noiser and one commented it's nice to hold her baby. My heart sank when i heard that. I walked out to the toilet. Tears juz flow.. cant help but cry and sms my hb... how much we wanted our baby and how much we miss him...

By the time im back to office they were abt to leave.. i din say hi, am afraid i might cry and spoil their day. But can see a few colleagues looked at me when im back from toilet. Colleagues who are close to me also din go over to her. Probably they thought of my feelings i guess.

I was thinking if there's someone in the office who lost her baby i wouldn't bring my baby along with me. I will definitely hurt her in a way. But i dun expect pple to think the way i do. Ultimately it's a happy occasion and i believe all mothers cant wait to show others their beautiful babies isn't it. I juz have to be strong.
 

tarynn

Member
Dear cp
I can understand how u feel. Just yesterday, my friend was mentioning to another friend of mine that she is very happy cos in another 17 weeks' time, she will see her baby boy. Her EDD is abt the same as mine...same EDD but different fate. I dun get to see mine..sign...i felt my nose went sour and I held my breath and tried to think of other things to distract myself. What to do except to accept the fact..sign...
 

blurfairy

Member
Dear cp,

I understand how you feel. During my confinement at my mum's place, my mum's customer (my mum is a home seamstress) came to look for my mum, the customer daughter and son-in-law came along as they drove her here...and bring along their new born...i stayed in my room and couldnt make eye contact with her...as i hear the father played happily with the bb, couldnt tahan and went to the toilet....just couldnt bring myself to see that...so i understand how you feel today...

Just now, i received the letter for the genetics test on my bb...the report says that my bb is gal....this is the first time i find out about the sex of my bb...i cried when i saw that cos i always wanted a gal but never got a chance to hold her...my eyes teared as I am writing this post...i thot i am stronger already i guess not...
 

tarynn

Member
Hi
Just wondering is there a blood test to check whether me and my hubby are carrier of DS BEFORE we conceive? Anyone has done or knows the name of such test? Tk.
Blurfairy...ps stay strong..
 

bbteng

Member
Be strong be strong, everyone of us do...

I stop crying at night since last week...even always thinking & missing my twinnies, I never cry, may be the tears already dried out inside... Hmmmmm (sigh) but this is a good sign, isn't it?

According to my counseller, the longest grieving time would be about 3 months depends on diff people... if afterwards still always crying, must be kena depression already...
 

grapes

New Member
Hi cp,

I have taken prawns already...oh dear...I did not know.

I am planning to go back to my excerise classes. Got to do some work out to tone my fabbly tummy. My doctor said I am ok to excerise already.

I guess all of us has to try to look forward. Grieving is natural but do not dwell too long. Try to get busy with more activities. For me, I have been busy with work, will be also busy with moving house next month and also trying to kick start my excerise routine again.
 

grapes

New Member
Hi Red Tea,

Please be strong, I can really understand your agony of waiting for the results.

My doctor told me that the chance of getting bad results is very slim. Most of the people taking the test has good results..please be positive okie.
 

bbteng

Member
Hi November, I also taken prawn few days ago...also the penang laksa soup...yummy... i think should be ok since we have passed 30days and no big wound on our body. I did ask my gynae after the D&C check-up, she said ok to take little bit after 1 month... dont worry la


I am still resting, already forgot about work, really 100% put down office things. Enjoy my life with my parents at this "short" break as long time didnt come back since preggie last time...
 

blurfairy

Member
Hi,

Feeling better now. I think seeing the test results letter and knowing the baby sex just triggered off my emotions...

should be back to work tmr...hmmm, for those who go back to work, you take the normal hawker food? i was thinking to take food like fish soup/porridge, kuay tiao fishball soup, boil soup with rice kind ...but when can resume back to other kind of hawker food like not so healthy kind?

just to check with you ladies, when will it be safe for intercourse with HB? i know trying of bb must be at least after 1 menstral cycle..
 


angelneo

Active Member
Hi Red Tea,
Please be strong. Be positive for your baby too. On Dec'06, I was also diagnosed to be in the high risk group. Being in the 1:68 ratio. And I'm 25 yrs old then. But my Amnio test came out to be fine. My baby boy was born July'07 and he's a bubbly and healthy boy. Much to my relief.

Hold faith in your heart. Don't despair.

For all the mummies here,
Be strong. Look at life at the brighter side. I might not have a DS baby, but I lost a perfectly healthy baby last year. July 2006. Reason of lost is umbilical cord accident. He's already 37 weeks old when the heartbeat stopped. I was torn..... I lost myself completely..... I do not have a chance to choose at all.

I wish all of you well....
 

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