he rented a room by himself. he says he can't come back to this marriage anymore. with a debt of more than 400K, i think the woman may leave him soon if not later. i have been very critical of this man, to the extent he did so much to hurt himself and hurt me. i am sure he is very lost. I have still lots of love for him, but i think the things he have done makes it impossible for him to even want to come back to this marriage and be reminded of it again, his pride and ego is too much, and he rather just leave this family.
Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands
- Thread starter sic
- Start date
I am a bit confuse here. I am thinking if I really love him, I will forgive him eventhough i cannot forget the things that he has done to hurt me. Even though I am very hurt now, I know the pain will go away sooner or later. I will not do something to revenge on him. If I did that it would be love has turned into hatre. There will be no hope in our marriage anymore. Divorce would be the best option to end this.
i too hope to move on, with 2 young kids, its really tough to get it going, like above mentioned cases, everyday its just tears n more tears, and yet have to be strong because i need to work even harder now to sustain the finance now that i am alone. I am so headstrong but yet i had been reliant on this man for so many things in the past, and now its time to stand on my own 2 feet.
Hi ladies,
I just chanced upon this thread on unfaithful hubby and thought I should share my story.
I discovered my hubby's affair in 2005. The other woman is his colleague from china. We have no kids at that time and thus I have no motivation to keep the marriage. I even have negative thoughts to make him feel guilty. Everyday i felt like a zombie with no feelings. Initial stage, I cried everyday n I felt constant pain in my heart. I didn't share my pain with anyone cos I don't think they are able to help.
I questioned my hubby and made him tell me all the details of the affair. Even after 8 years, I can remember every single word that he told me about the affair. Although there are still questions in my mind but I reckon it is not important to know now. I 'tortured' him by 'reminding' him of the hurt that he has inflicted on me for the next 1 yr. He was mad but can't blame me for it.
The pain was in my heart for the next 1 year... gradually, the pain subsided n the memories lingers for another 3 years plus. Till now after 8 years, though I can still remember but the hurt has disappeared. At that time, I cannot imagine the hurt will diminish but time has healed the hurt.
Depriving my hubby a chance means that I am depriving myself a chance to see if the marriage can work. That's the belief at that time.
What I did at that time was to keep reminding my hubby that it is his duty to mend my bleeding heart and he agreed.
Thought there are times that I will bring up this hurt, hubby is not very happy cos he said I am digging up his hurt.
Mummies, don't give up and try to stay positive. I know it hurts real bad but trust me, the pain will diminish, no matter which path you take. Time will heal the pain.
Concentrate on healing the cracks in the marriage as well as mending the deep hurts in your heart.
I just chanced upon this thread on unfaithful hubby and thought I should share my story.
I discovered my hubby's affair in 2005. The other woman is his colleague from china. We have no kids at that time and thus I have no motivation to keep the marriage. I even have negative thoughts to make him feel guilty. Everyday i felt like a zombie with no feelings. Initial stage, I cried everyday n I felt constant pain in my heart. I didn't share my pain with anyone cos I don't think they are able to help.
I questioned my hubby and made him tell me all the details of the affair. Even after 8 years, I can remember every single word that he told me about the affair. Although there are still questions in my mind but I reckon it is not important to know now. I 'tortured' him by 'reminding' him of the hurt that he has inflicted on me for the next 1 yr. He was mad but can't blame me for it.
The pain was in my heart for the next 1 year... gradually, the pain subsided n the memories lingers for another 3 years plus. Till now after 8 years, though I can still remember but the hurt has disappeared. At that time, I cannot imagine the hurt will diminish but time has healed the hurt.
Depriving my hubby a chance means that I am depriving myself a chance to see if the marriage can work. That's the belief at that time.
What I did at that time was to keep reminding my hubby that it is his duty to mend my bleeding heart and he agreed.
Thought there are times that I will bring up this hurt, hubby is not very happy cos he said I am digging up his hurt.
Mummies, don't give up and try to stay positive. I know it hurts real bad but trust me, the pain will diminish, no matter which path you take. Time will heal the pain.
Concentrate on healing the cracks in the marriage as well as mending the deep hurts in your heart.
Hi Joanne, Thanks for your sharing and good to know that your husband has repented and works out the marriage again. And it is a relief to know that time has healed your heart ache too.
Can I ask you further ? How do you trust your husband again ? Since he has been unfaithful once, will he fall into the temptation again in the future ? I understand that you keep reminding him, does it work ? Any tips on how to capture his heart ? How do you overcome you worries ?
Thanks
Can I ask you further ? How do you trust your husband again ? Since he has been unfaithful once, will he fall into the temptation again in the future ? I understand that you keep reminding him, does it work ? Any tips on how to capture his heart ? How do you overcome you worries ?
Thanks
Hi,
Chanced upon this thread, I'm also in the dilemma of my marriage. Though husband asking for giving chance and say break with the gal, but deep in my heart, still feel a lot of pain from it. And not sure how to survive and gone through all this.
My hubby lies me all the while, first time three years back reveal out from his female colleague, I don't have any proof, and choose to believe him. But the affair is cont about 4 years. Only found out by me again last year end. I confront him, no use, keep on denying and arguing and blame on my imagination.
Feel the torturing time during the last few months, lastly I get the adultery evidence, really think that at last I can file divorce and end all this. However, I'm too soft. we have 2 lovely children. He asking for turning back, before the PI check, we already started the counselling session due to I say I noe his galfren got the photos put on their ex-company PC. He dun want to talk about this issue and say agree with my counselling suggestion.
Still feel he is not putting the biggest effort on the repent. He do keep on saying wanna move on in our marriage. What I can see is he do change a bit and come back early, show me bit more concern. Other than that, is just talk from his mouth. His handphone still not willing to let me access.
How can we overcome all the worries? Rebuild the trust? With his attitude, I will somehow doubts his sincerity..
Chanced upon this thread, I'm also in the dilemma of my marriage. Though husband asking for giving chance and say break with the gal, but deep in my heart, still feel a lot of pain from it. And not sure how to survive and gone through all this.
My hubby lies me all the while, first time three years back reveal out from his female colleague, I don't have any proof, and choose to believe him. But the affair is cont about 4 years. Only found out by me again last year end. I confront him, no use, keep on denying and arguing and blame on my imagination.
Feel the torturing time during the last few months, lastly I get the adultery evidence, really think that at last I can file divorce and end all this. However, I'm too soft. we have 2 lovely children. He asking for turning back, before the PI check, we already started the counselling session due to I say I noe his galfren got the photos put on their ex-company PC. He dun want to talk about this issue and say agree with my counselling suggestion.
Still feel he is not putting the biggest effort on the repent. He do keep on saying wanna move on in our marriage. What I can see is he do change a bit and come back early, show me bit more concern. Other than that, is just talk from his mouth. His handphone still not willing to let me access.
How can we overcome all the worries? Rebuild the trust? With his attitude, I will somehow doubts his sincerity..
reddesk
Well-Known Member
CL: I know of a lady whose husband changed overnight and wanted divorce, moved out and went holiday w a 3rd party saying he don't love her anymore. It was very hard for this friend but she persists due to different circumstances (did a lot also knowing it may end up futile, she has many tears) and thankfully 3 months later, he suddenly came back, they went for marriage course together. That was 3years ago when it first happened. Nobody could answer the question you posted really. Do u have friends who can rally around you at this time? Family? Prayers? How is your marriage? Was there someone new in his life? It will help if u can seek a counselor to talk. Take care.
mm99 - he insisted that its impossible to love me anymore, and even to have sex is out of his mind, he did contemplate staying in the hse just for the kids, but i think he is not convinced this arrangement is possible without feeling miserable and now decides not to. Me, probably i never believe in divorce but hope to work things out or hope time can heal all these hurt, i vision my kids really love their daddy a lot and hope that he can be there to see them grow up. of cos, i love him thus i don't really wish to divorce.
Chris - mine wasn't really a overnight case when he strayed, just that i never realised the extent of it and how deep it went, thus its likes 2-3 yrs that he lost himself (emotionally and in finance), i failed to see warning signs for work and children really made me less sensitive to his needs. He has someone new, thats the affair which began after he started indulging in sex, porn and gambling..he claims that new love (his colleague) made him feel like a man, and he found the strength to come back on track..but then i suppose that woman didn't realise this man had a lot of issues and truths withhelding from her (the debts how it came about, and how he had to steal, and the sex activities he engages before her), i fed her all the truth and i think that woman decided to leave him for now..
Chris - mine wasn't really a overnight case when he strayed, just that i never realised the extent of it and how deep it went, thus its likes 2-3 yrs that he lost himself (emotionally and in finance), i failed to see warning signs for work and children really made me less sensitive to his needs. He has someone new, thats the affair which began after he started indulging in sex, porn and gambling..he claims that new love (his colleague) made him feel like a man, and he found the strength to come back on track..but then i suppose that woman didn't realise this man had a lot of issues and truths withhelding from her (the debts how it came about, and how he had to steal, and the sex activities he engages before her), i fed her all the truth and i think that woman decided to leave him for now..
However its the husband who feels that its never possible with me again, for he believes i will never change the way of treating him..i duno how to convince him..but i suppose there isn't any way to convince unless he is willing to risk another few years for us to try out..he doesn't even want to consider this option at all, but instead wants to just end with divorce thinking his misery will end with it. I don't know if this is a selfish thought or he may be right, but i never think a broken family is beneficial to the children
wendysu
Member
Ladies,
IMO, once a mirror broken, no matter how hard you try to mend it, using the best product to seal the broken pieces, the scars will remain there forever unless you buy a new piece.
My ex-husband left me (we do not have kids, more than 10 years ago), leaving me suffering from depression, in and out of NUH. When I discharged and return home, I found my bedroom and bathroom fill up with woman's clothings, undergarments, make-up kits and etc. I was asking myself,"Is this my house, did i enter the wrong place?" I still naive enough to thought there is a chance to salvage this marriage, I was only 22 years old then.
Anyway, divorce is the only option then and I continue to suffer from depression for another 1 year. I shut myself from everybody, do not dare to face anybody except my own family members. Fortunately, my bosses are understanding and allow me to continue to work and on and off take leave to rest and check up. I paid for the divorce as he refused to do anything, irresponsible and continue his enjoyment. I left our flat and the woman move in officially. All the hurts and damage to my health and life is undescrible.
I went through a long long journey to heal and pick myself up. Now i am happily married with 2 kids.
It is a nightmare and i really know how some of the mummies here are struggling to make a decision which is even more tough when we have young children.
IMO, once a mirror broken, no matter how hard you try to mend it, using the best product to seal the broken pieces, the scars will remain there forever unless you buy a new piece.
My ex-husband left me (we do not have kids, more than 10 years ago), leaving me suffering from depression, in and out of NUH. When I discharged and return home, I found my bedroom and bathroom fill up with woman's clothings, undergarments, make-up kits and etc. I was asking myself,"Is this my house, did i enter the wrong place?" I still naive enough to thought there is a chance to salvage this marriage, I was only 22 years old then.
Anyway, divorce is the only option then and I continue to suffer from depression for another 1 year. I shut myself from everybody, do not dare to face anybody except my own family members. Fortunately, my bosses are understanding and allow me to continue to work and on and off take leave to rest and check up. I paid for the divorce as he refused to do anything, irresponsible and continue his enjoyment. I left our flat and the woman move in officially. All the hurts and damage to my health and life is undescrible.
I went through a long long journey to heal and pick myself up. Now i am happily married with 2 kids.
It is a nightmare and i really know how some of the mummies here are struggling to make a decision which is even more tough when we have young children.
CL,
I understand your situation. You have children concern and feel divorce is not the only way to resolve all the problem. When I encounter my hb affair, before engage PI, I have the mindset as once confirm I may most probably want to plan divorce with my hb.
Later when get the evidence, actually due to the kids and my love to him, I still not able to fully made of decision on my side of divorcing. I believe to choose keep on or break apart, it both need a lot of courage and need face different kind of issue. I think one thing I'm quite sure, if parents r/s is very bad, means the quarreling is happen high frequency and effect the children. Add on that when my heart is telling me it is tiring to keep the marriage, I will choose to give us both a new life, instead of bring another kind of unhealthy family life to the children. If you still able just close both eyes for your hb behaviour and only asking your hb responsibility on the children, be a good father. Then maybe you can choose to keep the marriage. Base on your post, I feel that most likely you are willing for the sake of children to keep the marriage as that.
I may require more, feel that if both party not put effort together to say keep the marriage, salvage it and rebuild it. It may difficult for me to say live longer with the man. I'm afraid to see my future same as his parent, stay under on roof but r/s no good. Yes, most of the senior peer won't say divorce in the past. They are willing for the family/children sake, keep a marriage.
I feel I'm not able to just close my both eyes, ignore my hb, when I do that, means I lost faith on him and wanna withdraw my love and feel on him. It may slowly drive us apart too. This is how I feel. That's y now I still feel a bit dilemma deep in my heart. Haiz..
I understand your situation. You have children concern and feel divorce is not the only way to resolve all the problem. When I encounter my hb affair, before engage PI, I have the mindset as once confirm I may most probably want to plan divorce with my hb.
Later when get the evidence, actually due to the kids and my love to him, I still not able to fully made of decision on my side of divorcing. I believe to choose keep on or break apart, it both need a lot of courage and need face different kind of issue. I think one thing I'm quite sure, if parents r/s is very bad, means the quarreling is happen high frequency and effect the children. Add on that when my heart is telling me it is tiring to keep the marriage, I will choose to give us both a new life, instead of bring another kind of unhealthy family life to the children. If you still able just close both eyes for your hb behaviour and only asking your hb responsibility on the children, be a good father. Then maybe you can choose to keep the marriage. Base on your post, I feel that most likely you are willing for the sake of children to keep the marriage as that.
I may require more, feel that if both party not put effort together to say keep the marriage, salvage it and rebuild it. It may difficult for me to say live longer with the man. I'm afraid to see my future same as his parent, stay under on roof but r/s no good. Yes, most of the senior peer won't say divorce in the past. They are willing for the family/children sake, keep a marriage.
I feel I'm not able to just close my both eyes, ignore my hb, when I do that, means I lost faith on him and wanna withdraw my love and feel on him. It may slowly drive us apart too. This is how I feel. That's y now I still feel a bit dilemma deep in my heart. Haiz..
mm99,
I understand your dilemma. From your post, he has improved a bit and willing to move on with the marriage. Meaning that he will not give up on the marriage and family. Maybe you shall give him more time ? I think the situation is not that bad because if he really falls on that woman, he will surely agree to the divorce and to be with that woman, right ? Perhaps he just treat that woman as a sex machine or a sack bag where he can release his stress.
Take it easy and see how to improve the marriage and win him back. If you still feel unsecure, after a period of time ( maybe few months later ) spend on the PI again to check on him. If cannot find any evidents than this is a good proof that he has repented and has stopped seeing that woman.
Be strong ya.
I understand your dilemma. From your post, he has improved a bit and willing to move on with the marriage. Meaning that he will not give up on the marriage and family. Maybe you shall give him more time ? I think the situation is not that bad because if he really falls on that woman, he will surely agree to the divorce and to be with that woman, right ? Perhaps he just treat that woman as a sex machine or a sack bag where he can release his stress.
Take it easy and see how to improve the marriage and win him back. If you still feel unsecure, after a period of time ( maybe few months later ) spend on the PI again to check on him. If cannot find any evidents than this is a good proof that he has repented and has stopped seeing that woman.
Be strong ya.
mm99,
I am in almost the same situation as you and I can totally understand how you feel. I found out my husband had changed on march this year and he keep on whatsapping this ex classmate of his all day long, all week long. I can also sense his change his attitude. Call it woman's instinct, 6th sense or perhaps my understanding of him, I immediately felt something is wrong and I confronted him. He admitted, and he also make the choice of choosing this woman instead of my daughter and I. Not once but twice when I asked him on 2 different timing. I was devasted.
I tried all ways to make him come back. I bare out my thoughts, I do all kinds of things, but yet he hurt me times and times again by whatapping her in front of me, and on one occasion I finally manage to get hold of his hp (He keep it besides him all the time in case I got something out of it), he even says to her "Nevermind lah, my wife already knows liao, I wanted to tell the whole world you are mine!".
He even says we shall just remain married, but what he do outside is none of my business. Imagine how selfish is he to say something like that?
Got once he says he will break up with that woman coz I was so devasted that day. I scold him and that bitch for breaking up our family, why they have to make me suffer the pain for the wrong they had done? What had I did to deserve this? I was never greedy, I never ask for alot of things, I support him whenever he's down or in need, I take care of our daughter and family well, why he still have to do this to me? Perhaps he's feeling very guilty thats why he says he will break up with her. We spend that weekend together, first time together after all this third party thing. But it just feels so weird, like he's just being with for the sake of being with me. But not because he wanted to. And all the while, he is still in contact with that woman, which shows he does not have the determination to save back this marriage.
As much as I'm not willing to, I bring up divorce, coz deep in my heart I know, even if I manage to pull him back, things will never be the same again. Actually right from the start I had already say to go for divorce, but I keep holding back hoping he will come back again. But times and times again he had proven to me that, how naive I actually am, to hope for him to come back which is seem so impossible, and he is still unable to give up on that woman. Don't see my daughter small small only 3 years old, one day she suddenly pop me this question, " Mummy, why daddy don't love you anyway?". Its affecting her.
So, I think for my case, the wise decision is to leave him and to give the full love I had to my girl. But I will still tell her daddy and mummy both still love her very much, don't want to deprive her of the love she deserved. Ultimately, the decision is yours. Unless he is really that hopeless, you can still give him and you sometime to try to make things work out. If really can't, its still not late to make a decision. Coz you know you had tried your best already.
I am in almost the same situation as you and I can totally understand how you feel. I found out my husband had changed on march this year and he keep on whatsapping this ex classmate of his all day long, all week long. I can also sense his change his attitude. Call it woman's instinct, 6th sense or perhaps my understanding of him, I immediately felt something is wrong and I confronted him. He admitted, and he also make the choice of choosing this woman instead of my daughter and I. Not once but twice when I asked him on 2 different timing. I was devasted.
I tried all ways to make him come back. I bare out my thoughts, I do all kinds of things, but yet he hurt me times and times again by whatapping her in front of me, and on one occasion I finally manage to get hold of his hp (He keep it besides him all the time in case I got something out of it), he even says to her "Nevermind lah, my wife already knows liao, I wanted to tell the whole world you are mine!".
He even says we shall just remain married, but what he do outside is none of my business. Imagine how selfish is he to say something like that?
Got once he says he will break up with that woman coz I was so devasted that day. I scold him and that bitch for breaking up our family, why they have to make me suffer the pain for the wrong they had done? What had I did to deserve this? I was never greedy, I never ask for alot of things, I support him whenever he's down or in need, I take care of our daughter and family well, why he still have to do this to me? Perhaps he's feeling very guilty thats why he says he will break up with her. We spend that weekend together, first time together after all this third party thing. But it just feels so weird, like he's just being with for the sake of being with me. But not because he wanted to. And all the while, he is still in contact with that woman, which shows he does not have the determination to save back this marriage.
As much as I'm not willing to, I bring up divorce, coz deep in my heart I know, even if I manage to pull him back, things will never be the same again. Actually right from the start I had already say to go for divorce, but I keep holding back hoping he will come back again. But times and times again he had proven to me that, how naive I actually am, to hope for him to come back which is seem so impossible, and he is still unable to give up on that woman. Don't see my daughter small small only 3 years old, one day she suddenly pop me this question, " Mummy, why daddy don't love you anyway?". Its affecting her.
So, I think for my case, the wise decision is to leave him and to give the full love I had to my girl. But I will still tell her daddy and mummy both still love her very much, don't want to deprive her of the love she deserved. Ultimately, the decision is yours. Unless he is really that hopeless, you can still give him and you sometime to try to make things work out. If really can't, its still not late to make a decision. Coz you know you had tried your best already.
Thanks Chris.
Hi mummies,
Who is using religion support to help you go through this difficult period? I have been recommended by a friend to church. As my son also interested on church kid activities, I bring him twice to nearby church recently. To me, yet to have any real touch with God.
As I saw the post here, most of the wife are trying to do something and hope able to get the tips whether able to salvage a marriage after the affair. Think that is what I'm going through now as well though i also have my doubts and dilemma every now and there.
I'm buying a book of after affair, just started reading. Dun mind bring my son go church together. Still continues the counselling session. Though I'm not sure whether it will help me or help both of us in our marriage, but I just try to do something, I believe even it doesn't help (as marriage still need 2 hand clap together), it will able to help me a bit.
We shall stay strong..
Hi mummies,
Who is using religion support to help you go through this difficult period? I have been recommended by a friend to church. As my son also interested on church kid activities, I bring him twice to nearby church recently. To me, yet to have any real touch with God.
As I saw the post here, most of the wife are trying to do something and hope able to get the tips whether able to salvage a marriage after the affair. Think that is what I'm going through now as well though i also have my doubts and dilemma every now and there.
I'm buying a book of after affair, just started reading. Dun mind bring my son go church together. Still continues the counselling session. Though I'm not sure whether it will help me or help both of us in our marriage, but I just try to do something, I believe even it doesn't help (as marriage still need 2 hand clap together), it will able to help me a bit.
We shall stay strong..
Xian186,
I agree with you, if tried out already and feel no hope, can still able make a decision. Thanks for sharing out your story.
I'm a bit different from you, I know most of my hb affair from the gal FB, I feel the gal also devoted to him, thus when suspect on my hb still together with the gal, from starting, I already tell him I willing to let them together, and I myself able to take care the children, we just nicely handle our divorce matter.
He got keep on express his mindset, even when we got big quarrel last year, he say all the while he will not think of divorce. Unless is me who made the decision, or the one who feel dun want this marriage.
What his affair let me know that, he can really love 2 womens together, and his feeling to me of true love is lesser and lesser, maybe now he just got feeling on me as turn to another stage as family, he can't bear to put me and the kids down. It do hurt me when I know what he has done together with the gal, he tried his very best to hide everything and do the things carefully. But still I'm able to feel with his heart has changed, like you say it is women instinct, 6 sense. When I go and look for PI, they also say most of the wife look for PI, their instinct is quite accurate. Maybe husband & wife together everyday, we will know.
Sob, maybe what I want is my hb is really know what he wants. If he no love on me, he should not choose to stay on just because of the kids. Else, in his heart he won't put down the gal, he may hurt me again and secretly go back to her again. He is wasting both of our time. He did not think about my feeling and my happiness.
I agree with you, if tried out already and feel no hope, can still able make a decision. Thanks for sharing out your story.
I'm a bit different from you, I know most of my hb affair from the gal FB, I feel the gal also devoted to him, thus when suspect on my hb still together with the gal, from starting, I already tell him I willing to let them together, and I myself able to take care the children, we just nicely handle our divorce matter.
He got keep on express his mindset, even when we got big quarrel last year, he say all the while he will not think of divorce. Unless is me who made the decision, or the one who feel dun want this marriage.
What his affair let me know that, he can really love 2 womens together, and his feeling to me of true love is lesser and lesser, maybe now he just got feeling on me as turn to another stage as family, he can't bear to put me and the kids down. It do hurt me when I know what he has done together with the gal, he tried his very best to hide everything and do the things carefully. But still I'm able to feel with his heart has changed, like you say it is women instinct, 6 sense. When I go and look for PI, they also say most of the wife look for PI, their instinct is quite accurate. Maybe husband & wife together everyday, we will know.
Sob, maybe what I want is my hb is really know what he wants. If he no love on me, he should not choose to stay on just because of the kids. Else, in his heart he won't put down the gal, he may hurt me again and secretly go back to her again. He is wasting both of our time. He did not think about my feeling and my happiness.
Hi mummies,
i feel very heart-broken to read about your posts, im neither in a good situation, but if both of you are willing to go marriage counselor, which i personal greatly encourage, you can go to Sengkang Family service and find Ryan. We went before and he is very professional and very sharp in observing both of you. He can see the things/issues that both of you are facing and pointed out to you.
First session will be 1 and a half hour for both of you to tell him what had happen, why are you here and what do you want to archive...
i feel very heart-broken to read about your posts, im neither in a good situation, but if both of you are willing to go marriage counselor, which i personal greatly encourage, you can go to Sengkang Family service and find Ryan. We went before and he is very professional and very sharp in observing both of you. He can see the things/issues that both of you are facing and pointed out to you.
First session will be 1 and a half hour for both of you to tell him what had happen, why are you here and what do you want to archive...
mm99, which counsellor are you seeing.
my hub suggested to see counsellor but not for the sake of mending this marriage, but to see how we can move on together (divorced) for the sake of the kids..but i don't really hope to go for counselling for this reason...am i being too stubborn..at least your hub said that he still wants to try...mine refuses..saying its even hard to face all the mistakes he has done,and being with me, just reminds him of all the things..
Clarin - did the counselling session improve things, your mentality..i feel that a lot of times, we know what is the real situation, and should know what to do if its another people's shoes, but often when it happens on yourself, to face it is another thing..
my hub suggested to see counsellor but not for the sake of mending this marriage, but to see how we can move on together (divorced) for the sake of the kids..but i don't really hope to go for counselling for this reason...am i being too stubborn..at least your hub said that he still wants to try...mine refuses..saying its even hard to face all the mistakes he has done,and being with me, just reminds him of all the things..
Clarin - did the counselling session improve things, your mentality..i feel that a lot of times, we know what is the real situation, and should know what to do if its another people's shoes, but often when it happens on yourself, to face it is another thing..
CL, it is good, it improve things. Since he agree to go for counselling, just go with him, the professional ppl there will advise you, but most of the time, they will try their best to help you to see things that make both of you cannot see, i think that is important. They will help you to break into small step, iron out one issue at the time, they will guide both of us on how to, as long as you are open to discuss...
CL, my counselor is under care corner. There are some branches, at Queenstown or Toa Payoh. Each session pay for $50.
Act my hb willing to go is wanna ease my anxiety, but he still reserve a lot of things, he not totally open of his heart and talk everything in the most of the time, I believe some men are like that. Last nite, the counselor try to push him think and tell on the trust issue, what he can done.
Actually since the affair expose, he very passive. Most of the time, when I request, if he feel can do it, then he will do for me. He still avoid and set a safety area for him, maybe he dun want touch on his part of pain and face my pain. A lot of things, his persistence.. it add on my pain. Not sure he can slowly understand me and we able to work out something to build up our trust and restore our r/s. After last nite talk, I know that he really dunno me, he thought my trust on him should be 5/10, act it still 1/10. Maybe I feel wanna me trust on him again, he must really do something which is differently.
Counselor remind him, our marriage is caught fire now, is he really want to save the marriage or rather his persistence, his dignity is more important. Of course all the while he has the choice. If he still want get more of his persistence. For my side to trust on him again is very difficult, I still feel the pain and won't easily ease away.
I feel through the counselling, if both party willing to open heart to heart, they can help to point out something. At least now we see that my hb still the same, he still shut up his door. Same as me, I shut up my pain, not really let him noe all, thus he feel I'm quite alright. But I noe my hb no ability to accept and face my pain. Else he will be very positive and do something from his part already.
I feel it do help, at least counselor will point out the problem.
Act my hb willing to go is wanna ease my anxiety, but he still reserve a lot of things, he not totally open of his heart and talk everything in the most of the time, I believe some men are like that. Last nite, the counselor try to push him think and tell on the trust issue, what he can done.
Actually since the affair expose, he very passive. Most of the time, when I request, if he feel can do it, then he will do for me. He still avoid and set a safety area for him, maybe he dun want touch on his part of pain and face my pain. A lot of things, his persistence.. it add on my pain. Not sure he can slowly understand me and we able to work out something to build up our trust and restore our r/s. After last nite talk, I know that he really dunno me, he thought my trust on him should be 5/10, act it still 1/10. Maybe I feel wanna me trust on him again, he must really do something which is differently.
Counselor remind him, our marriage is caught fire now, is he really want to save the marriage or rather his persistence, his dignity is more important. Of course all the while he has the choice. If he still want get more of his persistence. For my side to trust on him again is very difficult, I still feel the pain and won't easily ease away.
I feel through the counselling, if both party willing to open heart to heart, they can help to point out something. At least now we see that my hb still the same, he still shut up his door. Same as me, I shut up my pain, not really let him noe all, thus he feel I'm quite alright. But I noe my hb no ability to accept and face my pain. Else he will be very positive and do something from his part already.
I feel it do help, at least counselor will point out the problem.
I don't know how to say ... are we women strong or weak.
Husband have affairs, we have to be the ones to pick up the broken pieces and win them back, even though the men repent. Why?
Why is this world so unfair and cruel?
If, there are no kids involved, will we still stick to such unfair relationships? Or it is just the same?
Sometimes, I feel that women are weaklings, sometimes I find that 我们很伟大,为了孩子,我们百受折磨.
But seriously, do we really have the guts to walk out of a broken marriage when its so obvious the man no longer love us?
Husband have affairs, we have to be the ones to pick up the broken pieces and win them back, even though the men repent. Why?
Why is this world so unfair and cruel?
If, there are no kids involved, will we still stick to such unfair relationships? Or it is just the same?
Sometimes, I feel that women are weaklings, sometimes I find that 我们很伟大,为了孩子,我们百受折磨.
But seriously, do we really have the guts to walk out of a broken marriage when its so obvious the man no longer love us?
mm99,
Thats why I say my husband is selfish. Initally he don't want to divorce coz he felt he had too much to lose, the family, the flat. But on the other side he also can't give up on that woman.
What I can tell you is, most properly he stay on is because of the kids. If not, how could it possible for him to love 2 women at a time? You also mentioned, he's true love to you is getting lesser and lesser and you felt it, right?
We should be fair to ourselves. Why should we let the man enjoy the best of both worlds, while mums like us had to suffer in silent, wait and work out for something, hoping for him everyday to come back? Why we had to suffer all these when the wrong is not done by us? And I also feel you should know what you want too, not just him. Its all about you. How you want to spend the rest of your life. Since he is such a selfish man, how could you let him decides your fate? Your fate is in your own hands.
Thats why I say my husband is selfish. Initally he don't want to divorce coz he felt he had too much to lose, the family, the flat. But on the other side he also can't give up on that woman.
What I can tell you is, most properly he stay on is because of the kids. If not, how could it possible for him to love 2 women at a time? You also mentioned, he's true love to you is getting lesser and lesser and you felt it, right?
We should be fair to ourselves. Why should we let the man enjoy the best of both worlds, while mums like us had to suffer in silent, wait and work out for something, hoping for him everyday to come back? Why we had to suffer all these when the wrong is not done by us? And I also feel you should know what you want too, not just him. Its all about you. How you want to spend the rest of your life. Since he is such a selfish man, how could you let him decides your fate? Your fate is in your own hands.
mm99, pm enabled.
for me, the last info i have is he broke up with the woman. not because our marriage, but i make things very difficult for them to move on, i involve their boss to step in to help, and it did help to stop them, but did not help to improve my marriage. if he insists to be with that woman, i will let him go, for i do not want to share a man.
It's really true why is woman doing all the thinking to save a marriage while the men simply don't care, i think it depends who betray the marriage first, the one left behind often find it harder to walk out.
for me, the last info i have is he broke up with the woman. not because our marriage, but i make things very difficult for them to move on, i involve their boss to step in to help, and it did help to stop them, but did not help to improve my marriage. if he insists to be with that woman, i will let him go, for i do not want to share a man.
It's really true why is woman doing all the thinking to save a marriage while the men simply don't care, i think it depends who betray the marriage first, the one left behind often find it harder to walk out.
Hi ladies,
I just read some of the recent posts and agree that life is unfair for women. When we think of it, from the very beginning, women did all the thinkings and arrangements and decisions from planning for wedding date, wedding dinner venue, honeymoon, house renovation, which hospital to give birth, what names for the kids, which school, which tuition centre, annual holiday locations.... now to how to rebuild marriage, go for counsellings and so on....
Men leaves all the worries to us ... the family expenses matters, maid issues, children education and etc.
All our time spent at work and family and when mommy goes out for shopping or meeting friends we are consider irresponsible ... leaving the kids behind, not guiding their homeworks and etc. But when daddy goes out meeting friends ( pub / restaurant ), golfing and etc, they needs social networking ( business purpose ) and they are consider hardworking.
I think women are so strong and we are superior in many ways. Don't you think so ?
I just read some of the recent posts and agree that life is unfair for women. When we think of it, from the very beginning, women did all the thinkings and arrangements and decisions from planning for wedding date, wedding dinner venue, honeymoon, house renovation, which hospital to give birth, what names for the kids, which school, which tuition centre, annual holiday locations.... now to how to rebuild marriage, go for counsellings and so on....
Men leaves all the worries to us ... the family expenses matters, maid issues, children education and etc.
All our time spent at work and family and when mommy goes out for shopping or meeting friends we are consider irresponsible ... leaving the kids behind, not guiding their homeworks and etc. But when daddy goes out meeting friends ( pub / restaurant ), golfing and etc, they needs social networking ( business purpose ) and they are consider hardworking.
I think women are so strong and we are superior in many ways. Don't you think so ?
I hate to be a woman .... I once met a sage, and he said that to become a woman this life is when you did tooooo much wrong in your previous life. Therefore, one is reborn as a female.
When I first heard it, i cursed at him. But come to think about it. Its quite true, cause being a woman is mere suffering.
When I first heard it, i cursed at him. But come to think about it. Its quite true, cause being a woman is mere suffering.
http://singaporelegaladvice.com/how-to-get-a-divorce-within-3-years-of-marriage/
just saw this link.. aiyo this was too late for me to file for divorce immediately last year.
my hubby's affair got the other woman pregnant and in front of me(all conversed thru smses)he forced her to abort her baby.. very clearly that her baby was fathered by my husband.
now it had been 7 months since the other woman aborted her baby and yes my husband U-turned and return to my side on xmas 2012. i dun know if i still have chance to file divorce against him despites the abortion done and their affair ended after 2.5 years or lesser.
just saw this link.. aiyo this was too late for me to file for divorce immediately last year.
my hubby's affair got the other woman pregnant and in front of me(all conversed thru smses)he forced her to abort her baby.. very clearly that her baby was fathered by my husband.
now it had been 7 months since the other woman aborted her baby and yes my husband U-turned and return to my side on xmas 2012. i dun know if i still have chance to file divorce against him despites the abortion done and their affair ended after 2.5 years or lesser.
CL it was no easy for me to be very honest. last year he left me in feb and suddenly asked me to go for family outing to rws transformer event in march. after we enjoyed a bit and before we left for home in cab, he asked for a kiss n bid us goodbye.. that time i was puzzled till i realised he was leaving me for good. i was so hurt and cried for some days. then the other woman emailed me asking me to let my husband go.. only then i decided to file for divorce in the same month. later on i received news that the husband and the other woman were seen together at the vivo and 112 katong. of cos i was furious n confronted him asking him why he lied to me alot.. he admitted he was trying to buy time and promised he will leave her but april and june came and went. after that i din know where he stayed n MIA despites still replying to my smses. to think i bombard him daily while he was happily staying at her place and took my son along on weekends to stay at her place!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he dun care how i felt n till i finally gave up n wanted to proceed with the filing in dec of last year. at the same time he kept saying dec we reunite... but he got her pregnant ard oct and then nov he left her suddenly. the other woman herself smsed me a lot of things. it really broke my heart to know what and how n etc he did for her. and she even sent me several photos... then pregnancy news confirmed and she told me how she to contact my husband as he avoided her totally. of cos he asked me to tell her to abort... very cruel. and at that point i wanted to kill my son. a life for a life.
all this while, my feelings for him just ceased after i filed for div. but hv not signed yet.
and then just before xmas he asked to see me and i did went. from there we reunited.. but deep inside i was and am not happy. cos i knew that the other woman and my husband can contact in secret who knows.. she already moved on after got another married boyfriend barely 3 weeks after my husband left her.
and then just before xmas he asked to see me and i did went. from there we reunited.. but deep inside i was and am not happy. cos i knew that the other woman and my husband can contact in secret who knows.. she already moved on after got another married boyfriend barely 3 weeks after my husband left her.
tweety35..i duno how i will handle if i am really in your situation, but i will definately go bersek on him. please think for your child no matter what, his life is innocence, and do your best to protect him, i can threat him with a lot of things with the kids, but i just am spiteful and will never harm my children. If you need support, we can hang out, for i have 2 kids myself, and sometimes my bad mood does affect them (scolding loudly and caning when they misbehave). sigh..i seriously duno how long before i can dun feel all these pain. today i am going diving (am not a gd swimmer) but last time hubby loves to dive but i dun accopmany him since i have water phobia..but now..the sudden impulse to just do it..hope i will come back in 1 pc..haha
CL, yes although the worst was over, my pains n wounds have not healed properly yes... but now i still hv to render my moral support to a friend whose husband left her to be with the same other woman whom my hubby left to return to me.. wat a small world. sigh... my close gf's friend (yes i knew her) 's husband also had affair with the same other woman.. very funny.. when i broke down and cried, this friend of my close gf rendered support n encouraged me to be positive, I did not realise that she herself also struggling with her problem like me at that time, sigh i really din know what to say.. really shocked n horrified.
Amazing... by God's Grace and Favour, I had found strength n peace whenever i am alone.
Amazing... by God's Grace and Favour, I had found strength n peace whenever i am alone.
tweety35, big hug to you, it is really not easy for you. And the world is so small as you say..I always say how come all this is happen unbelievable. It seems like some may only happen in the drama, but yet it do just happen in our life and become our case, our life just so dramatic.
I also cannot believe that my hb will dare to do all this things. Though wounds is still there, we need be strong, for ourselves and children.
I always believe that most of the time women is stronger than man, our heart will know to face and manage the problem in the end.
Just whether our man really appreciate it, that is another way beyond our control. We just try our best and follow our heart. I believe when the time come, it will let us know how to settle everything.
I also cannot believe that my hb will dare to do all this things. Though wounds is still there, we need be strong, for ourselves and children.
I always believe that most of the time women is stronger than man, our heart will know to face and manage the problem in the end.
Just whether our man really appreciate it, that is another way beyond our control. We just try our best and follow our heart. I believe when the time come, it will let us know how to settle everything.
CL and tweety35
I feel so detrayed. Even I know he had the women for yrs. I try to make him think of our child, even when thing happen.I ask him do he had anything to tell me. He keep tell me nothing. This really disappointed me, i also though Mil should stand on my side but she told me to accept the fact. OMG! That is why! I decide to go ahead for my new life without him. I will feel better, it not the best option but it will not be the worst. The only thing i worry is my child custody. he will sure contest and the legal fee is high.
I feel so detrayed. Even I know he had the women for yrs. I try to make him think of our child, even when thing happen.I ask him do he had anything to tell me. He keep tell me nothing. This really disappointed me, i also though Mil should stand on my side but she told me to accept the fact. OMG! That is why! I decide to go ahead for my new life without him. I will feel better, it not the best option but it will not be the worst. The only thing i worry is my child custody. he will sure contest and the legal fee is high.
tweety35, oh! shit while filing my child will turn 7 yrs old. how?? he is a father which will not turn home early. my child was bully by my child cousin which staying we us. I very heart pain, to see my child crying. Telling me ' mummy cousin beat me or take my toy, etc.' As a working mummy, I had no choice also will comfort my child. Then dun play with them.
The above link I Had read though alot of time. Then i decide to file again him.
The above link I Had read though alot of time. Then i decide to file again him.