Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands

your_attorney

Active Member
Singapore marriage law is consider tighter than other country which have rules such as only allow to divorce after 3 years of marriage, HDB only can sell after 5 years, etc.. Having strong measures will discourage in certain extend but it will also cause the victim in a longer suffering situations. We are stuck in this toxic marriage because of all the measures and hv to wait for the right time to file divorce.

If a marriage need to be borned by rules and regulations, then what's true love with true heart? When there are more rules, the more people don't want to follow. They will try all ways to find loop hole unless they are determine in heart. Just my two cents of thoughts
Maybe that is why love is blind. When you love someone, you think he/she is the one.

LKY time, there are a lot of rules and regulation, I think we did well. Looking back, we think he did well too.
 


your_attorney

Active Member
I believe god will protect good people.. 狗男女 like them won’t last long..
Confirm god will step in but depending on when god decides to step in.
My gf's ex hubby lost his affair partner and job after he sign the divorce papers. He was staying with his brother and he got kicked out too. Whatever my gf suffered, he suffered just as much. Karma.
 
Singapore marriage law is consider tighter than other country which have rules such as only allow to divorce after 3 years of marriage, HDB only can sell after 5 years, etc.. Having strong measures will discourage in certain extend but it will also cause the victim in a longer suffering situations. We are stuck in this toxic marriage because of all the measures and hv to wait for the right time to file divorce.

If a marriage need to be borned by rules and regulations, then what's true love with true heart? When there are more rules, the more people don't want to follow. They will try all ways to find loop hole unless they are determine in heart. Just my two cents of thoughts
if there is no rules or regulations then more people will be irresponsible. giving birth to children and simply doesnt wan to take care of them.

jumping from one partners to another without concern of the consequence of divorce.
 

ImNotMean

New Member
We believe 好心有好报... 人在做,天在看..
it’s easy to get married but when it come to divorce it’s so difficult.. need to wait and wait.. have anyone think of meeting up ladies to team up and go confront 3rd party? :cool: Have anyone slap the 3rd party before? I really feel like give my hub 3rd party one good slap.. this kind of bitch like them think of (he got wife and children still come look for me) if we don’t do something they think they feel PROUD!
 

sadgirl85

New Member
We believe 好心有好报... 人在做,天在看..
it’s easy to get married but when it come to divorce it’s so difficult.. need to wait and wait.. have anyone think of meeting up ladies to team up and go confront 3rd party? :cool: Have anyone slap the 3rd party before? I really feel like give my hub 3rd party one good slap.. this kind of bitch like them think of (he got wife and children still come look for me) if we don’t do something they think they feel PROUD!
i think no point to confront he 3rd party...ultimately it takes 2 hands to clap..if really cannot salvage and the hb doesnt want to change, divorce is the best option.
 

ImNotMean

New Member
i think no point to confront he 3rd party...ultimately it takes 2 hands to clap..if really cannot salvage and the hb doesnt want to change, divorce is the best option.
Thinking of going marriage counselling.. but I think he won’t go because (1. haven go say no use.. 2. scare shame telling people what he have done) he if doesn’t want to work in our marriage.. why am I putting effort into it.. :( he didn’t even tell me what’s our problem and this come so suddenly..
 

your_attorney

Active Member
i think no point to confront he 3rd party...ultimately it takes 2 hands to clap..if really cannot salvage and the hb doesnt want to change, divorce is the best option.
Many people think that by not confronting the 3rd party is the best way forward. The truth is the society does need some cleanup.

I believe this generation where many women are working, we no longer need to depend on men greatly. I believe the newer generation women will confront the 3rd party (at workplace, her home, public) without hesitation. If she dares to be 3rd party, it also means she is prepared to be confronted, clapped, verbally abused in public. Singapore is a small country, it is not a place to play such games in the dark. (I have heard of girls who are **** buddy and get passed around the circle of guy friends. It's very sad and I think these girls are mentally or emotionally unwell. They definitely need to seek help.)

No girl with the right mind will think it is correct to be attached (or become friends with benefit) with a married man who has a wife and children. No husband who love their wife and children will do this to hurt them. A man will do this because they are loser, trying to prove their worth through their dick.

Our society will become more and more open, such news will be more and more common on social media, words of mouth, in our industry. The more people wants to hide it, the more people will know and expose it.
 

your_attorney

Active Member
May I suggest you be the lady you were before marriage.

1. What were you like before marriage? Do you like to go out with your friends, do you like to go facial or shopping?

2. What about your size/shape? Have you put on weight after giving birth? Do you think you want to slim down? Have you thought of exercising to slim down? (I do recommend brisk walking and running till you sweat). Sweating makes us feel good. And when you slim down, you feel good and look good.

3. For household chores, do you have a domestic helper to help you? Have you considered getting one if you don't have one. If you are currently a stay at home mum, try to find a job. Use the money to hire a helper.

4. Whatever he is saying now, just listen but don't act. Unless you see them with your own 2 eyes, don't act. If you really see them, go up and pull her hair and give her 1 tight slap across.

5. Whenever you are angry, ask yourself whether you can still hang on for children or not. The day you go up to 3rd party to find her at office/home, you must be prepared to let go of your hubby. And when you go up to 3rdparty at her office/home, you might as well make your way to hubby's office too. There is no more difference as it would be the end anyway. If their love is so strong and the girl is prepared to be labelled as 3rd party, they may survive it.

Lastly, this is not your fault and you are not unwanted.

Your husband (东西臭了,苍蝇特别多)is already rotten, that's why there are so many flies (3rd party). Only rotten food and flies can blend together.

Don't lower yourself to be in the same class as them. 门当户对很重要。
 
May I suggest you be the lady you were before marriage.

1. What were you like before marriage? Do you like to go out with your friends, do you like to go facial or shopping?

2. What about your size/shape? Have you put on weight after giving birth? Do you think you want to slim down? Have you thought of exercising to slim down? (I do recommend brisk walking and running till you sweat). Sweating makes us feel good. And when you slim down, you feel good and look good.

3. For household chores, do you have a domestic helper to help you? Have you considered getting one if you don't have one. If you are currently a stay at home mum, try to find a job. Use the money to hire a helper.

4. Whatever he is saying now, just listen but don't act. Unless you see them with your own 2 eyes, don't act. If you really see them, go up and pull her hair and give her 1 tight slap across.

5. Whenever you are angry, ask yourself whether you can still hang on for children or not. The day you go up to 3rd party to find her at office/home, you must be prepared to let go of your hubby. And when you go up to 3rdparty at her office/home, you might as well make your way to hubby's office too. There is no more difference as it would be the end anyway. If their love is so strong and the girl is prepared to be labelled as 3rd party, they may survive it.

Lastly, this is not your fault and you are not unwanted.

Your husband (东西臭了,苍蝇特别多)is already rotten, that's why there are so many flies (3rd party). Only rotten food and flies can blend together.

Don't lower yourself to be in the same class as them. 门当户对很重要。
how to go back to before marriage. age will catch up with everyone. no matter how you make yourself to be slimmer or how much botox. how you compare with a lady that is much younger???

if a man wan to change heart, nothing cant stop him.
you go out with friend to much, they will make noise and if you want to employ a maid, they will say you wasting his money!
 

your_attorney

Active Member
how to go back to before marriage. age will catch up with everyone. no matter how you make yourself to be slimmer or how much botox. how you compare with a lady that is much younger???

if a man wan to change heart, nothing cant stop him.
you go out with friend to much, they will make noise and if you want to employ a maid, they will say you wasting his money!
I think the point is not to compare yourself with the other woman. She has youth, but you have experience and class (you are not brought up wrongly)

Yes you are correct, if the man change heart, nothing can stop him. If you don't try to win him back, he will seriously not even think twice or regret his decision.

I don't think there is anything wrong with women having "me time". If he doesn't want to waste money then he has to help with the chores and kids. These days, it's quite fair in terms of equality. Our parents sent boys as well as girls to school. Don't make waste money as an excuse for him to find excitement outside. And don't make waste money as an excuse for yourself to self destruct.

I sincerely hope the best for you. What I am suggesting is to love yourself (self love) more. Pamper yourself a little. Think about your parents who love you and give you the best. All I am asking you to do is to give yourself the same.
 

yellowbella26

New Member
Hi I hope this forum is still opens for infidelity support. My husband had been cheating multiple times. The latest one happened for few months this year and I caught it when it already ended.
I am lost for words and I feel like I don't want to feel anymore.

I'm not sure if it happened to any of you, but ever since the first divorce, I have been isolating more because I am ashamed with my life. This puts me in a very lonely situation and very few perspective.
The only reason I am not going to divorce is because I haven't tried counselling and I will be alone in Singapore if I do leave husband. I hope I can get a bit of insight, support or any advice from you
 

Stansy

Member
Hi I hope this forum is still opens for infidelity support. My husband had been cheating multiple times. The latest one happened for few months this year and I caught it when it already ended.
I am lost for words and I feel like I don't want to feel anymore.

I'm not sure if it happened to any of you, but ever since the first divorce, I have been isolating more because I am ashamed with my life. This puts me in a very lonely situation and very few perspective.
The only reason I am not going to divorce is because I haven't tried counselling and I will be alone in Singapore if I do leave husband. I hope I can get a bit of insight, support or any advice from you
Do you mean that this second hubby of yours cheated?
 

Tammyisup

Member
Hi I hope this forum is still opens for infidelity support. My husband had been cheating multiple times. The latest one happened for few months this year and I caught it when it already ended.
I am lost for words and I feel like I don't want to feel anymore.

I'm not sure if it happened to any of you, but ever since the first divorce, I have been isolating more because I am ashamed with my life. This puts me in a very lonely situation and very few perspective.
The only reason I am not going to divorce is because I haven't tried counselling and I will be alone in Singapore if I do leave husband. I hope I can get a bit of insight, support or any advice from you
Sad to hear what happened. Counselling only works if both wish to reconcile and put in effort together.. If you are the only one that wants to hold on to the relationship, then couple/marriage counselling probably not helpful.
What's your challenge being alone in Singapore?
 

Dr. Tooth

Active Member
I'm not sure if it happened to any of you, but ever since the first divorce, I have been isolating more because I am ashamed with my life. This puts me in a very lonely situation and very few perspective.
The only reason I am not going to divorce is because I haven't tried counselling and I will be alone in Singapore if I do leave husband. I hope I can get a bit of insight, support or any advice from you
One of the reasons for isolating yourself could be because you are going through a transformation now. In simple term, it means getting to know yourself more at a deeper level. It may even leads you to be questioning yourself in many different aspects of your life.

And you don't have to feel alone. You are just not used to getting about life doing things that make you happy on your own. :)
 

yellowbella26

New Member
Do you mean that this second hubby of yours cheated?
This is multiple times already.

Sad to hear what happened. Counselling only works if both wish to reconcile and put in effort together.. If you are the only one that wants to hold on to the relationship, then couple/marriage counselling probably not helpful.
What's your challenge being alone in Singapore?
Thank you for this insight. I agree about that. We both must want to hold the relationship. We are now hashing out what is a marriage as it had always been dysfunctional. He now said he wanted to go for counselling but I'm not sure of the entirety of it all. Challenge - I have to restart my life. It could be a good thing but it's scary too. Maybe I need to explore on that thought.

One of the reasons for isolating yourself could be because you are going through a transformation now. In simple term, it means getting to know yourself more at a deeper level. It may even leads you to be questioning yourself in many different aspects of your life.

And you don't have to feel alone. You are just not used to getting about life doing things that make you happy on your own. :)
Thank you for this! Maybe I am in the right direction after all, transforming to be someone I should be even in difficult time.
I initially just wanted to share my life but sharing my life in this marriage was so destructive. I sometimes don't know how to live day by day. But I'm doing my best. So thank you for all the replies!
 

ImNotMean

New Member
This is multiple times already.



Thank you for this insight. I agree about that. We both must want to hold the relationship. We are now hashing out what is a marriage as it had always been dysfunctional. He now said he wanted to go for counselling but I'm not sure of the entirety of it all. Challenge - I have to restart my life. It could be a good thing but it's scary too. Maybe I need to explore on that thought.



Thank you for this! Maybe I am in the right direction after all, transforming to be someone I should be even in difficult time.
I initially just wanted to share my life but sharing my life in this marriage was so destructive. I sometimes don't know how to live day by day. But I'm doing my best. So thank you for all the replies!
Hello, you’re not alone.. don’t feel it that way.. jia you!
 

Tammyisup

Member
Don't worry. We all been through it.. I'm not local too, I'm a Malaysian with spore PR, moved to spore because of him and settled down. My family is not with me in spore.

But this doesn't stop me from leaving him after what he did to me. I tried giving him chances but he didn't appreciate any of it.. Agree with Dr tooth, you just not used to it. Take sometime and meet the you that hidden and changed for years.

Learn to live with yourself and love yourself. We always forget this part and keep giving in/contributing and forget ourselves. Stay strong!

Everyone can live without anyone one!
 

Jill Stuart

Active Member
Hi all,
Recently found out my hubby emotionally cheated on me with his

That 3rd party is married with kid so are we.
My husband has been a good hubby showing lots of love to us and always telling ppl about how lovely we are. The girl was kind of jealous of us and so she plotted and lured him (though it takes 2 hands to clap, I agreed my hubby shouldn’t do it).

Eventually the girl is so good at hiding, buying gifts for us then I also thought she is like a nice person and I treated her nice.
The 3rd party uses the advantage that I am always busy and talk to my hubby often then asked how’s his feeling toward her. This stupid hubby go say ya maybe got feeling. Then they started texting each other everyday. But also luckily I found it out fast before they progress to any stage. So apparently this is emotionally betrayal.
Anyway, both family also found out which I requested it and they broke up immediately on the spot even blocked and pushing fault to each other’s.
True love will protect one another so obviously , this is just like a companionship or to kill time.

so I wanted a divorce but my hubby didn’t want it and he actually prove to me he changed a lot in many ways. So if I have a chance, I wanna tell that bitch in any way she have lost.
Oh by the way, she looks ugly by her looks and personality. (Not having a nice figure and Ugly face).
And I have always been dolling up and maintaining my figure but what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.

so now I’m even more determined to keep myself pretty everyday and buy things I like. At the same time, making my hubby love me more than I love him. Ladies, I know it’s tough but we have to be strong and really maintain our looks.

so now he is constantly worry that I’ll look for other guys to the same thing he did to me.

The best revenge is to sit down and relax but do nothing. And that bitch has lost miserably.
 

tsharon18

New Member
We believe 好心有好报... 人在做,天在看..
it’s easy to get married but when it come to divorce it’s so difficult.. need to wait and wait.. have anyone think of meeting up ladies to team up and go confront 3rd party? :cool: Have anyone slap the 3rd party before? I really feel like give my hub 3rd party one good slap.. this kind of bitch like them think of (he got wife and children still come look for me) if we don’t do something they think they feel PROUD!
 

tsharon18

New Member
Hi, happen to see your post, but how did u found out abt the 3rd party and did your hubby explain to you on why he go find the 3rd party?
 

royalmarine

New Member
Hi, accidentally chance upon this thread.
Used to purchase children s clothing in Singaporemotherhood when my kids were young.

Is this thread still alive?
 

royalmarine

New Member
I m in a marriage of 26 years.
My Husband has been a loving father and Husband till 3 yrs ago. Has affair with subordinate pcr who is half his age working in a project lasted 2 years. She made the first move to initiate movie date which he accepted.
He Ended affair unwillingly (initiAlly wanted both sides which I rejected)
We went for counselling and our first year of reconciliation was quite bad as I was very sensitive to tv programmes relating to affair , places and anything associated with pcr. To him, he just wanted to move on and did not understand why I still hap on it.
Last year, I felt we were going to make it. We had spent time ourselves over weekend. He s still loving, but this year Jan I was shocked he went secretly to meet the same third party to send her off , she going back China. He said for good (I don’t believe)
He claimed third party contacted him a week ago before the flight date.

From then on, he changes drastically.
When I blew up at him for seeing third party , for not being transparent , he declares that his intention to continue to contact 3rd party and he is not asking if I m accepting or not.
He becomes very cold.
When I bring up this issue of him to
Continue contact , he s not happy asking why I don’t adapt n adjust ! By doing this, it’s forcing him to be OUT. He’s not going to let go.

I have been a stay home mum for the past 20 years. Not financially independent. He has the upperhand. He probably thinks i
Can’t do anything.

We r in early 50s. My kids are young adults still studying.
I felt mentally torturing to see him everyday at home (he works fr home) , constant reminder of the pain he inflicted).
I no longer feel happy going out with him (we are in talking terms but distant)

I hv considered divorce but with no job and little savings, I have to
Forsee what financial problems lies ahead.
If hv a job ,can I afford to Buy a flat if to sell matrimonial house , lawyer fees .......

I m helpless in my own situation.
 

ImNotMean

New Member
I m in a marriage of 26 years.
My Husband has been a loving father and Husband till 3 yrs ago. Has affair with subordinate pcr who is half his age working in a project lasted 2 years. She made the first move to initiate movie date which he accepted.
He Ended affair unwillingly (initiAlly wanted both sides which I rejected)
We went for counselling and our first year of reconciliation was quite bad as I was very sensitive to tv programmes relating to affair , places and anything associated with pcr. To him, he just wanted to move on and did not understand why I still hap on it.
Last year, I felt we were going to make it. We had spent time ourselves over weekend. He s still loving, but this year Jan I was shocked he went secretly to meet the same third party to send her off , she going back China. He said for good (I don’t believe)
He claimed third party contacted him a week ago before the flight date.

From then on, he changes drastically.
When I blew up at him for seeing third party , for not being transparent , he declares that his intention to continue to contact 3rd party and he is not asking if I m accepting or not.
He becomes very cold.
When I bring up this issue of him to
Continue contact , he s not happy asking why I don’t adapt n adjust ! By doing this, it’s forcing him to be OUT. He’s not going to let go.

I have been a stay home mum for the past 20 years. Not financially independent. He has the upperhand. He probably thinks i
Can’t do anything.

We r in early 50s. My kids are young adults still studying.
I felt mentally torturing to see him everyday at home (he works fr home) , constant reminder of the pain he inflicted).
I no longer feel happy going out with him (we are in talking terms but distant)

I hv considered divorce but with no job and little savings, I have to
Forsee what financial problems lies ahead.
If hv a job ,can I afford to Buy a flat if to sell matrimonial house , lawyer fees .......

I m helpless in my own situation.
Hello good afternoon to you, sorry to heard that after being married for 26 years.. I understand it’s not really easy.. I’m also just a stay home mom with no income etc.. my children are in primary school.. and our hdb still under housing loan.. if you need people to chat to you can send me a private message
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
I m in a marriage of 26 years.
My Husband has been a loving father and Husband till 3 yrs ago. Has affair with subordinate pcr who is half his age working in a project lasted 2 years. She made the first move to initiate movie date which he accepted.
He Ended affair unwillingly (initiAlly wanted both sides which I rejected)
We went for counselling and our first year of reconciliation was quite bad as I was very sensitive to tv programmes relating to affair , places and anything associated with pcr. To him, he just wanted to move on and did not understand why I still hap on it.
Last year, I felt we were going to make it. We had spent time ourselves over weekend. He s still loving, but this year Jan I was shocked he went secretly to meet the same third party to send her off , she going back China. He said for good (I don’t believe)
He claimed third party contacted him a week ago before the flight date.

From then on, he changes drastically.
When I blew up at him for seeing third party , for not being transparent , he declares that his intention to continue to contact 3rd party and he is not asking if I m accepting or not.
He becomes very cold.
When I bring up this issue of him to
Continue contact , he s not happy asking why I don’t adapt n adjust ! By doing this, it’s forcing him to be OUT. He’s not going to let go.

I have been a stay home mum for the past 20 years. Not financially independent. He has the upperhand. He probably thinks i
Can’t do anything.

We r in early 50s. My kids are young adults still studying.
I felt mentally torturing to see him everyday at home (he works fr home) , constant reminder of the pain he inflicted).
I no longer feel happy going out with him (we are in talking terms but distant)

I hv considered divorce but with no job and little savings, I have to
Forsee what financial problems lies ahead.
If hv a job ,can I afford to Buy a flat if to sell matrimonial house , lawyer fees .......

I m helpless in my own situation.
Get the evidence and blacklist that women.
 

Camich

New Member
Hi everyone, I’m in a marriage of 20 years with 4 teenagers. I’m a SAHM since day one living with my MIL and GMIL. Life took a turned when my GMIL got a stroke and was bed ridden in late 2019. I became a full time caregiver to my GMIL till she left in Nov 2020. Everyday was exhausting having to care for all even with MIL’s help. I admit my husband was neglected but i was mentally and physically drained. This lasted till July 2021 when my MIL was diagnosed with cancer in the middle and left.

Since then everything seems to be different. Children are more independent, me and my husband has lesser communication. He complains i didn’t care for him and said ‘outsiders care for him more than i care’! I question if he has someone outside and he answered ‘why do you even care’? I do suspect but no evidence. I have no income, i can’t afford a PI. After the confrontation, we hardly communicate and there are times he doesn’t even come home. I mention divorce but he refused.

I feel lonely and helpless. Everyday is just chores and chores. 2 years i wasn’t able to step out of the house having to care for 2 old mothers. Sorry, i’m not complaining, i think it’s a good deed. Just don’t understand why i’m in this situation. I head my friends advise to go work and i did. i’m happy at work. After work i’m occupied with chores and catching up with the kids. Everyday is filled but quiet times are hard to bear. Especially the lonely night trying to get to sleep. Life wasn’t like that before, now i even hate the weekends.

These days i’m being pressurised by my husband to quit my job. He complains the kids aren’t being well taken care of. He needs someone at home to be there all time for the children. The fact that no one is home for the kids is bothering him. I’m feeling suffocated.
 

Snowlin

New Member
Sorry I don’t have good advice as I’m not around your age, but would like to say…

Your kids have grown up and it’s time you shift your priorities to yourself instead of giving 110% to your family..
If work makes you happy, then continue doing it!
happy mum happy family. Self love is important.

If your husband need someone to be home for whatever reasons, why don’t your family consider to engage a helper? Assuming he’s requesting you to resign means he’s comfortable as a single income family, so definitely he can afford a domestic help.
 

Camich

New Member
Sorry I don’t have good advice as I’m not around your age, but would like to say…

Your kids have grown up and it’s time you shift your priorities to yourself instead of giving 110% to your family..
If work makes you happy, then continue doing it!
happy mum happy family. Self love is important.

If your husband need someone to be home for whatever reasons, why don’t your family consider to engage a helper? Assuming he’s requesting you to resign means he’s comfortable as a single income family, so definitely he can afford a domestic help.
Family isn’t comfortable have a domestic helper. We didn’t have it since day one. Children are very disciplined so it’s not the matter of having someone to clean up after their mess. He just feel rest assured someone is there for the children at all times.
 

Stansy

Member
Yes, he does.
Have you ever tried to communicate with him and understand he demands. Do you have your support from your kids? If yes, perhaps it might be good for them to speak to the dad and convince him.
In my frank opinion, it’s safer and better to have your own income and save as much as possible, especially now you are suspecting of his behaviour.
You had already done so much for the family.. including taken care of the 2 old folks and yet he is being u appreciative and getting comfort elsewhere putting the blame on you that being neglected… it’s just HOLLY BULLSHITTING!!!
As a woman, better be an asset than liability and be independent. Being able to spend the $$$ without accountable to anyone.
However, most importantly you must be HAPPY for who you are and what you want
 

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