Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands

KelGen

Member
Fleurem,

Yes. You can't file divorce against him, since is less than 3 years. What you can do is to file separation with him.
After that 3/5 yrs separation, you can file for divorce there after.

Try not to involve family for time being, especially his family. Unless you have proof of what he's doing, and that this marriage can no longer be salvage.

What I did was I installed a spycam in our room, and well, it captured his deeds that I'm right that he brought the slut home.
Have filed divorced since then as ours is more than 3yrs
 


margret

Active Member
Fleurem,

Yes. You can't file divorce against him, since is less than 3 years. What you can do is to file separation with him.
After that 3/5 yrs separation, you can file for divorce there after.

Try not to involve family for time being, especially his family. Unless you have proof of what he's doing, and that this marriage can no longer be salvage.

What I did was I installed a spycam in our room, and well, it captured his deeds that I'm right that he brought the slut home.
Have filed divorced since then as ours is more than 3yrs
mutual agreement for separation is 3 years. either party disagree will be 4 years.

it's illegal to install camera to capture video of anyone having sex in the room
 

KelGen

Member
mutual agreement for separation is 3 years. either party disagree will be 4 years.

it's illegal to install camera to capture video of anyone having sex in the room
I've consulted lawyer previously, and is allow. As long is within own room and not on other places/room
 

margret

Active Member
no way. its against the laws to take any nude. this is a common law everyone know. if lawyer say can then that lawyer is not professional. better get second opinion
 

bretrayed

Member
yes u can install spycam wherever u wan if it's your house. but if there is nude of any person u have to delete it.
keeping of any nude video of anyone is a criminal offence. even if it's your husband.

my brother is a police officer, this is what he told me
 

fleurem

Member
I screen through his phone again this morning and found seductive photos of the lady. Surprise surprise! It was dated back in September and October last year! Which is 5 months into our marriage. Which means it's been almost a year! Omg. How stupid can I get?! I suspect they started meeting up in November (when I went for a holiday with my family without him because he said he wasn't interested) maybe that's why the photos only available from September to October and no more. I found the photos in his "recently delete" folder. Then I saw the same set of photos in another folder name "qy" which is the girl's initial. This folder was created yesterday. No remorse at all
 

margret

Active Member
I screen through his phone again this morning and found seductive photos of the lady. Surprise surprise! It was dated back in September and October last year! Which is 5 months into our marriage. Which means it's been almost a year! Omg. How stupid can I get?! I suspect they started meeting up in November (when I went for a holiday with my family without him because he said he wasn't interested) maybe that's why the photos only available from September to October and no more. I found the photos in his "recently delete" folder. Then I saw the same set of photos in another folder name "qy" which is the girl's initial. This folder was created yesterday. No remorse at all
all about the dating app and first meet up is all a lie.

the reason he is trying to protect her identity as he still wan to continue with the relationship.
 

fleurem

Member
I don't know how he can act as if nothing happen. This morning still ask if I want to go holiday (which we have been planning before all these happened). He's also trying to show more affection and hold my hands or try to hug me when he was the first one who brought up about separation and also the one who said he will not touch me because he don't want to confuse me. I ask why he is trying to hug me, he said because long time never hug me already.

This man is no longer the man I know. It's so scary.
 

fleurem

Member
I revealed the truth to his family members and a close friend of his too. They took side with me, apologized and one of them even told me that he knew that my ex is not a good man right from the start. Anyway, the parents have been attempting to keep in touch with me to-date but I need closure and it is best to go no contact.
Did you reveal the truth with him around or without him around? I don't know if I should tell my MIL only or tell both parents in law with him around.
 

bretrayed

Member
Did you reveal the truth with him around or without him around? I don't know if I should tell my MIL only or tell both parents in law with him around.
I feel its better u settle with him on what u wan to do then to think about telling the parent now.

if u tell them about what he is doing. they might sympathise with u and maybe scold him in front of you.
the next obvious thing will he to persuade u to forgive him and not divorce.
are u prepare for this? its will affect your decision.

I feel it's better u sign a separate deed with him. make him sign on it. if he agree u only have to wait 3 years. if he doesn't agree then tell him u will tell the parent.
 

fleurem

Member
I feel its better u settle with him on what u wan to do then to think about telling the parent now.

if u tell them about what he is doing. they might sympathise with u and maybe scold him in front of you.
the next obvious thing will he to persuade u to forgive him and not divorce.
are u prepare for this? its will affect your decision.

I feel it's better u sign a separate deed with him. make him sign on it. if he agree u only have to wait 3 years. if he doesn't agree then tell him u will tell the parent.
We have already decided on separation and divorce.
There is no way I am going back to him because it is not the first time he cheated on me.

What I am afraid now is, he will deny doing it if I tell his parents when clearly he admitted the first time.
 

bretrayed

Member
We have already decided on separation and divorce.
There is no way I am going back to him because it is not the first time he cheated on me.


What I am afraid now is, he will deny doing it if I tell his parents when clearly he admitted the first time.
this guy twist and turn easily. not surprise he will deny in front of his parent.
he will claim he look for other out of u neglect him and he didnt commit adultery.
then the pressure will be on you to forgive him not and not to divorce with the help of his parent
 

fleurem

Member
this guy twist and turn easily. not surprise he will deny in front of his parent.
he will claim he look for other out of u neglect him and he didnt commit adultery.
then the pressure will be on you to forgive him not and not to divorce with the help of his parent
Nope, before the affair was exposed he already told his family we are getting a separation and divorce reason being personality mismatch and I don't show him enough care and concern. So they won't tell me to forgive him and not divorce.

I just want to let them know what kind of man their son is. I don't need any sympathy or apology. I just want to reveal his true colours.
 

Stansy

Member
Nope, before the affair was exposed he already told his family we are getting a separation and divorce reason being personality mismatch and I don't show him enough care and concern. So they won't tell me to forgive him and not divorce.

I just want to let them known what kind of man to them. I don't need any sympathy or apology. I just want to reveal his true colours.
Hi fleurem, if u hv alr decided to make known the truth to ur PIL/his siblings/ close frens & etc....then go ahead what is stopping you?? In any case, since he has alr told his parents abt the separation but the only truth is untold ie u r the victim not the caused of it! U shd know the consequences remains the same.... ur PIL can’t do anything to savage ur marriage, at the most they will scold him after that life goes on... for u leave his fuxking asshole & let him screws to hell!!!
He’s trying to be nice & lovely towards you so that he can have the best of both world... can have good fucking time w the slut & the other hand has a maid (you) at home to take care of his well being. All fucking men all the same!!!
Move on for yr own sake and tell the whole world how scary is this asshole who has destroy ur life
 
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hopelessly lost

New Member
We have already decided on separation and divorce.
There is no way I am going back to him because it is not the first time he cheated on me.

What I am afraid now is, he will deny doing it if I tell his parents when clearly he admitted the first time.
Hi Fleurem. It is a painful but I suppose the right decision to end this. He clearly has his own issues. Only five months into the marriage and he has already cheated on you?? Why did he even get married for? From now on, be brave. We will be here to listen to all your woes.
 

HeadTurner

New Member
Did you reveal the truth with him around or without him around? I don't know if I should tell my MIL only or tell both parents in law with him around.
Hi Fleurem,

My MIL, being a very loving woman, texted me to show her concern after her son revealed that he wanted to leave me. I only replied her with a one-liner until one day, when I received a message from a mutual friend asking how I am and mentioned that he understood from my ex that he is leaving and my ex was unhappy with me. So it became quite obvious to me that my ex had been going around to tell people that he was not happy with me but did not mentioned that while he was very unhappy, he did not attempt to resolve the issue with me, but he chose to stray.

As I had also chase him out of the house after discovering the infidelity and unsure what my PIL would think, I thought it is good for me to clear the air, whether my PIL believe me or not. They showed much sympathy and was sorry for their son's actions but I am not sure if they believe me. I also don't care if they do but I really just want to make my stand clear and let them know why I am taking such extreme measure this time. Till now, I am relieved to have said what I wanted to tell them about their son whether they believe me or not. One thing I know for sure is that the truth will not be hidden for long. He may not bring the girl back home now but it will be soon. So the PIL can be the judge.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
'Hell has no fury like a woman scorned'

since gg to DV, staying rational will get u a trophy from dv.

since the guy is gg to be gone from your life, 1 thing that will kp u (slightly) a happier person is money.

don't lose person and lose pounds at the same time. if it's a must to dv, then protect yourself (go for the money). you aren't that bad to start w prior marriage hence don't let the other partner 'down' you twice.

make calculated moves.

always stay rational.. if can, wait out the min MOP of your house and plan ahead on the sales division.

also, do not expect your in-laws to stand w you. you aren't their child to start w. all parents side their children.

hence, only you will/can save you.
 

fleurem

Member
Thank you for everyone's support! I took the courage and told my PIL about the affair and I am feeling so much better now. Initially he blamed me for not thinking about the consequences and putting the elderly into stress mode. He also keep telling me how affairs happened because there are problems in the marriage (I feel as if he is indirectly blaming me). He also blamed me for spoiling his relationship with his parents. Anyway now he wants me to help him tell his parents not to tell his siblings about the affair and I don't intend to do that. He said he doesn't want to spoil the relationship.

One other problem now is, he is persuading me to go for an annulment by lying to the lawyer that we did not consummate the marriage. He said that is the logical way to handle instead of dragging out 3 years with separation then divorce. He admits that annulment is a win-win situation because we can end things quick and still revert back to "single" instead of dragging and labeled as "divorcee"

Part of me wants to end it quick. Yet part of me feels like taking the "short cut" would be too easy on him when the fact is he cheated on me. I want to get maintenance from him, even if it's a bit. Not sure if I can if we go for annulment. I have been unemployed for nearly 1 year because of health issues and we wanted to focus on trying for a baby back then.
 

HeadTurner

New Member
Thank you for everyone's support! I took the courage and told my PIL about the affair and I am feeling so much better now. Initially he blamed me for not thinking about the consequences and putting the elderly into stress mode. He also keep telling me how affairs happened because there are problems in the marriage (I feel as if he is indirectly blaming me). He also blamed me for spoiling his relationship with his parents. Anyway now he wants me to help him tell his parents not to tell his siblings about the affair and I don't intend to do that. He said he doesn't want to spoil the relationship.

One other problem now is, he is persuading me to go for an annulment by lying to the lawyer that we did not consummate the marriage. He said that is the logical way to handle instead of dragging out 3 years with separation then divorce. He admits that annulment is a win-win situation because we can end things quick and still revert back to "single" instead of dragging and labeled as "divorcee"

Part of me wants to end it quick. Yet part of me feels like taking the "short cut" would be too easy on him when the fact is he cheated on me. I want to get maintenance from him, even if it's a bit. Not sure if I can if we go for annulment. I have been unemployed for nearly 1 year because of health issues and we wanted to focus on trying for a baby back then.

The reason why I told his parents is because I regard and respect them as part of my family. They should know that I consent to D because the marriage vow has been broken. I leave it as it is. Whether they tell the siblings or not, I don't know and have no control over it. I will also not go to the extend of persuading his parents not to tell anyone too, because they are mature enough to know what to do.
 

johntan68

Member
Thank you for everyone's support! I took the courage and told my PIL about the affair and I am feeling so much better now. Initially he blamed me for not thinking about the consequences and putting the elderly into stress mode. He also keep telling me how affairs happened because there are problems in the marriage (I feel as if he is indirectly blaming me). He also blamed me for spoiling his relationship with his parents. Anyway now he wants me to help him tell his parents not to tell his siblings about the affair and I don't intend to do that. He said he doesn't want to spoil the relationship.

One other problem now is, he is persuading me to go for an annulment by lying to the lawyer that we did not consummate the marriage. He said that is the logical way to handle instead of dragging out 3 years with separation then divorce. He admits that annulment is a win-win situation because we can end things quick and still revert back to "single" instead of dragging and labeled as "divorcee"

Part of me wants to end it quick. Yet part of me feels like taking the "short cut" would be too easy on him when the fact is he cheated on me. I want to get maintenance from him, even if it's a bit. Not sure if I can if we go for annulment. I have been unemployed for nearly 1 year because of health issues and we wanted to focus on trying for a baby back then.
Hi Sis,
On the logical side, you should seriously consider this option of annulment marriage to end it fast. I read from yr earlier post that yr hub is 30, so I'm assuming that you should be in your late 20s. With this, you can end and move on with your life, you are still young and perhaps in the near future, you will find someone suitable.
Just a side note, I was reading all your postings & seriously, I find your hub really amusing & unbelievable!
 

evolutionmr

New Member
yes u can install spycam wherever u wan if it's your house. but if there is nude of any person u have to delete it.
keeping of any nude video of anyone is a criminal offence. even if it's your husband.

my brother is a police officer, this is what he told me
CID told me before its not allowed to take spycam video without knowledge of that person, police from NPP told me its ok to install if the family members are aware and its for personal protection against theft.

So likelihood that you cannot even use it for divorce even you have the video because its not allowed and he can countersue you for this. Be careful.
 

evolutionmr

New Member
also, do not expect your in-laws to stand w you. you aren't their child to start w. all parents side their children.

hence, only you will/can save you.
this one i fully agreed. my ex-PIL can even close their eyes to lie even though i found evidences that their daughter stole from us. crap
 

Carbong

New Member
Hi alk i hv my story to share. Feelg v lost now.
I am married fir 8 yrs no kids. 3mths ago i found out in a v ugly way that my husband dated other women. Caught him going dinner and movie w anither girl. I hv no courage to wait for him n the girl to appear togethr.. i called him to ask him to see me at his car. N i found his wedding ring in the car.. the car camera intentionally blocked too to hide the girl shots whn he pick her up.. heart ached like mad..he acted as single man wooing the girl..

Yes. We hv a big prob in my marriage. We hv zero sexual intimacy for 8yrs. I wanted. He kept saying he has back prob. Its true partially coz iwent w him to doc. I resolved myself to live w that. I cant possibly leave my husband coz he has medical problem.

Unfortunately wth this cheating uncovered He still doesnt disclosed thgs truthfully.. 1st says its 2 women fm wechat he met over dinner n chat. He thot i hv moved on fm our marriage coz i went out more w my frnds..so he "needs" to make female friends in case i really leave him.. repeat again he was possessive b4 we r married n its me who cant take it.. n he needs to change n not be so attached to stay on with me..

Anyway.. all bullshit..across the mths dirtier thgs r uncovered... hotels.. too bars.. fine dining restaurants.. more movies...he nvr wanna go ths places w me.. the big one came whn i discovered he was on fetlife for past 3yrs... the even bigger one came when i discovered the girl claiming he is her owner on the web... the biggest one came whn i saw he announce he is on a dominant/submisdive r/s w her... he has deleted his account.. but reactivated to text her that he loves his v mh ask her to move on etc.. he screenshot the text n show me... seriously i m v skepticak that its a made up.. coz she immediately took dwn many photos.. yet he nvr mentioned in his text to take dwn the photos...

Whn i thot thgs cant get worser than this 3yrs of fetlife stuff... i discovered his hotel bookings dated back to 9yrs back... before our wedding...

I m pretty much broken.. but he took it cool already.. says he is consistent w his "answer".. he cant handle himself that my ex bf is in the same company.. gotta face him etc....

Initially he was full of hope for oyr recovery.. suggested retake weddg vow.. weddg photos.. tour the countries we went whn dating etc... but latr thgs got heavy.. i cant help snooping.. n flasbacks saga.. he felt v pressurized by me.. he got anger mgmt issue.. n whn i quwstioned for details he flarw n want a divorce etc.. i m weak n scared.. i asked him to stay.. he latr apologised for his flare up.. this hap now n thn.. now i m still goin in circles... n i felt thy r still contactg each other.. n he has not mh feelgs for me though he is still here tryg w me.. i m confused n sad...
 
Hi alk i hv my story to share. Feelg v lost now.
I am married fir 8 yrs no kids. 3mths ago i found out in a v ugly way that my husband dated other women. Caught him going dinner and movie w anither girl. I hv no courage to wait for him n the girl to appear togethr.. i called him to ask him to see me at his car. N i found his wedding ring in the car.. the car camera intentionally blocked too to hide the girl shots whn he pick her up.. heart ached like mad..he acted as single man wooing the girl..

Yes. We hv a big prob in my marriage. We hv zero sexual intimacy for 8yrs. I wanted. He kept saying he has back prob. Its true partially coz iwent w him to doc. I resolved myself to live w that. I cant possibly leave my husband coz he has medical problem.

Unfortunately wth this cheating uncovered He still doesnt disclosed thgs truthfully.. 1st says its 2 women fm wechat he met over dinner n chat. He thot i hv moved on fm our marriage coz i went out more w my frnds..so he "needs" to make female friends in case i really leave him.. repeat again he was possessive b4 we r married n its me who cant take it.. n he needs to change n not be so attached to stay on with me..

Anyway.. all bullshit..across the mths dirtier thgs r uncovered... hotels.. too bars.. fine dining restaurants.. more movies...he nvr wanna go ths places w me.. the big one came whn i discovered he was on fetlife for past 3yrs... the even bigger one came when i discovered the girl claiming he is her owner on the web... the biggest one came whn i saw he announce he is on a dominant/submisdive r/s w her... he has deleted his account.. but reactivated to text her that he loves his v mh ask her to move on etc.. he screenshot the text n show me... seriously i m v skepticak that its a made up.. coz she immediately took dwn many photos.. yet he nvr mentioned in his text to take dwn the photos...

Whn i thot thgs cant get worser than this 3yrs of fetlife stuff... i discovered his hotel bookings dated back to 9yrs back... before our wedding...

I m pretty much broken.. but he took it cool already.. says he is consistent w his "answer".. he cant handle himself that my ex bf is in the same company.. gotta face him etc....

Initially he was full of hope for oyr recovery.. suggested retake weddg vow.. weddg photos.. tour the countries we went whn dating etc... but latr thgs got heavy.. i cant help snooping.. n flasbacks saga.. he felt v pressurized by me.. he got anger mgmt issue.. n whn i quwstioned for details he flarw n want a divorce etc.. i m weak n scared.. i asked him to stay.. he latr apologised for his flare up.. this hap now n thn.. now i m still goin in circles... n i felt thy r still contactg each other.. n he has not mh feelgs for me though he is still here tryg w me.. i m confused n sad...
Dear Carbong, I can commiserate with you about your anguish post discovery. You must be feeling so broken-hearted and helpless and are suffering inside.

I read that fetlife is a platform for people with fetishes and kinks to link up with one another. You mentioned that hotel bookings were made prior to the wedding. This leads me to think that he already has practised BDSM before he married you.

When both of you first started out, how did you connect with him sexually? I am sorry if I came across as prying into your private life. I find that how he has connected with you sexually at a start could reveal his preferences. I believe that sexuality is one of the main tenets in a relationship or marriage. Both of you have to discuss the issues should one feel anything is amiss or uncomfortable about certain aspects.

I believe he has loved you to want to marry you all along. However, he has a need to feed off his sexual fantasies in the BDSM manner and likely to compartmentalise his life for years to do so. Hence, his involvement in fetlife. You mentioned he flares up at you whenever you pressurize him. I think he might be defensive to protect his sexual preferences.

I can tell that you love him very much to feel anguished about this issue. Try telling him that you love him very much to want to be intimately connected with him and you can accommodate to his preference. I feel it is easier for the partner who does not have a sexual preference to accommodate to the other who has a specific preference. Do tell him that it hurts you very much to know that he has been seeing other women and that you wish to work out your intimacy issues with him and preferably with a therapist if need be so that both of you can work towards a fulfilling monogamous relationship.

Having said that, it is his prerogative to want to work things out with you. From my experience, partners who have certain inclinations or fetishes, are resistant to change and are defensive to continue their activities. It is not because they do not love their partners but rather, they cannot help it because sex and intimacy is one of the human needs. If they cannot practise this with their partner, they are motivated to find other outlets.

I hope you can work this issue out with him and have a good outcome. However, I wish you stay strong and not be guilt-tripped into thinking that you are the cause of this issue. His different sexual expression is the cause and only he can be resolute about involving you in this intimate relationship and not seeking it with others.
 

fleurem

Member
Hi all, I am now in the midst of deciding on which lawyer to proceed with. Guess what? I found hair not belonging to me on my sofa. And also pubic hair. He is still taking girls home! Although my bed and table have stop shifting, I realise the items on the table are shifting instead. Which probably means the table probably shifted and he tried to put things back in place like it is before but he didn't know I am like FBI. My hair dryer is also shifting. My husband doesnt use a hair dryer.

Now the question is, should I move back to my parent's place already since we are confirm going for annulment.
OR
Should I stop staying over at my parent's place so I can be home most times and he don't get the chance to take the girl home?

I mean the problem is, this home belongs to me too. What rights does he have to bring his lover home?! The least he could do is not doing it at our matrimony home! Why should I provide them a shelter and room for their dirty acts? I didn't pay for the house for him to do all these things.
 

Eppy

Member
Hi all, I am now in the midst of deciding on which lawyer to proceed with. Guess what? I found hair not belonging to me on my sofa. And also pubic hair. He is still taking girls home! Although my bed and table have stop shifting, I realise the items on the table are shifting instead. Which probably means the table probably shifted and he tried to put things back in place like it is before but he didn't know I am like FBI. My hair dryer is also shifting. My husband doesnt use a hair dryer.

Now the question is, should I move back to my parent's place already since we are confirm going for annulment.
OR
Should I stop staying over at my parent's place so I can be home most times and he don't get the chance to take the girl home?

I mean the problem is, this home belongs to me too. What rights does he have to bring his lover home?! The least he could do is not doing it at our matrimony home! Why should I provide them a shelter and room for their dirty acts? I didn't pay for the house for him to do all these things.
you should find a lawyer n an agent to sell the place at the same time.
 

johntan68

Member
Hi all, I am now in the midst of deciding on which lawyer to proceed with. Guess what? I found hair not belonging to me on my sofa. And also pubic hair. He is still taking girls home! Although my bed and table have stop shifting, I realise the items on the table are shifting instead. Which probably means the table probably shifted and he tried to put things back in place like it is before but he didn't know I am like FBI. My hair dryer is also shifting. My husband doesnt use a hair dryer.

Now the question is, should I move back to my parent's place already since we are confirm going for annulment.
OR
Should I stop staying over at my parent's place so I can be home most times and he don't get the chance to take the girl home?

I mean the problem is, this home belongs to me too. What rights does he have to bring his lover home?! The least he could do is not doing it at our matrimony home! Why should I provide them a shelter and room for their dirty acts? I didn't pay for the house for him to do all these things.
Sorry to hear that sis. Of course since this is your matrimony home, you own half the share of the house and you have every rights to stay. However few factors you have to consider:-
1. Will your husband turns violent if he is under stress, example you keep challenging him or make things difficult for him?

2. Will you feel happier staying with your parents?

If the answers are all NO, then you can continue to stay. At the same time, I would also encourage you to discuss with your husband on the plan to let go your matrimony home or who should take over. I assumed that this is HDB? Assuming you have kids and have the care and control and that you are above 35, you could buy over his share. The court will take into considerations that you and your kids need a roof, so very likely he could get less than 50% share unless both of you are financially well to do.

Having said all these, it always sadden me to see family split, therefore I would urge that you and him to consider all options. Unless you have exhausted all means and that he is not willing to repent, then in this case, you should proceed with your plan.
 

fleurem

Member
Sorry to hear that sis. Of course since this is your matrimony home, you own half the share of the house and you have every rights to stay. However few factors you have to consider:-
1. Will your husband turns violent if he is under stress, example you keep challenging him or make things difficult for him?

2. Will you feel happier staying with your parents?

If the answers are all NO, then you can continue to stay. At the same time, I would also encourage you to discuss with your husband on the plan to let go your matrimony home or who should take over. I assumed that this is HDB? Assuming you have kids and have the care and control and that you are above 35, you could buy over his share. The court will take into considerations that you and your kids need a roof, so very likely he could get less than 50% share unless both of you are financially well to do.

Having said all these, it always sadden me to see family split, therefore I would urge that you and him to consider all options. Unless you have exhausted all means and that he is not willing to repent, then in this case, you should proceed with your plan.
He won't turn violent. We are both under 35 so we will have to surrender our flat back to HDB at a loss as MOP is not met. This can only be done after our annulment. Anyway, I have decided to continue staying until we give it back to HDB because I don't want to give them space and room like it's some hotel. Then I have to clean up their dirty mess like some housekeeping service. :rolleyes:
 

axioms

Member
The reason why I told his parents is because I regard and respect them as part of my family. They should know that I consent to D because the marriage vow has been broken. I leave it as it is. Whether they tell the siblings or not, I don't know and have no control over it. I will also not go to the extend of persuading his parents not to tell anyone too, because they are mature enough to know what to do.
Annulment is fast. But as a female you lose out on maintenance etc. But I guess you don't really care about that
 

margret

Active Member
even if u divorce him after 3 years, the maintenance wont be a lot since both of u are not married long.
why wan to waste your life for maintenance.
 

fleurem

Member
I have chosen to go for annulment so i can quickly move on with life after this chapter closes. honestly, i don't really care about maintenance. i am more worried about the penalty for the HDB.
 

p-k

New Member
I found this thread while trying to seek support online. I am still hurting from my husband’s infidelity. I know I may not get a reply on this but I thought this would be an outlet for me.

3 days before my 30th birthday (I thought it would be special but never thought it would be the worst), I happened to find out that he had visited prostitutes since my second trimester. When I found out, he was messaging the “PRC” asking for an appointment. That was already 2 months after I gave birth. He even went after I gave birth. He told me that the reason is solely because we were not having sex. He said that he did hint that he has problems but couldn’t tell anyone about it (i.e. no sex). I can’t understand- I was expecting and then after delivery, my body was still healing. I trusted him so much. He wanted a kid and when I was pregnant with his kid that he wanted, he cheated on me throughout. I am extremely heartbroken. He said that he will agree if I wanted a divorce and if I wanted to take our kid away with me. We have been together for almost a decade and I really cannot understand why he would do this to me. He said that it was a stupid mistake but to me, it wasn’t. He went back to cheat time and time again.

There was too much at stake; we are waiting for our hdb flat and I don’t want our kid to grow up in a broken family. I decided to hold on to this marriage. he promised me he would be there if I needed to talk. Initially, he was patient. But two months down, he doesn’t seem to care anymore when I am unhappy thinking about it. In fact, I feel that he sounds sick of me being unhappy about it.

His birthday was around the corner and he told me not to get him anything because he doesn’t deserve it. I thought of getting him a gift but all the bad memories came back so strongly and I didn’t get him anything this year. In the end, he was upset with me for days and was cold to me for not getting him anything. He said that I knew it was important to him but I didn’t do it. I want to ask him why did he cheat since he knew I would be hurt? I want to ask him is not getting a present worse than being cheated on? He doesn’t seem to show anymore concern for my feelings. I can’t tell him how I feel because it may likely just end up with a quarrel. I cry myself to sleep these nights. Almost every waking moment I’m burdened by this and I can’t even look after my kid wholeheartedly and I really hate him for that.

i am contemplating going for counselling to help myself to cope but can’t bring myself to take the first step out yet. I can’t tell anyone because since we decided to move on, it will not do good to publicise this. I have never felt so lonely in my life. now whenever he comes back from work, I feel another wave of sadness when I see him. It is really really hard for me. This marriage is starting to feel meaningless for me. He seems to have moved on and I wish he cared that I haven’t.
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
I found this thread while trying to seek support online. I am still hurting from my husband’s infidelity. I know I may not get a reply on this but I thought this would be an outlet for me.

3 days before my 30th birthday (I thought it would be special but never thought it would be the worst), I happened to find out that he had visited prostitutes since my second trimester. When I found out, he was messaging the “PRC” asking for an appointment. That was already 2 months after I gave birth. He even went after I gave birth. He told me that the reason is solely because we were not having sex. He said that he did hint that he has problems but couldn’t tell anyone about it (i.e. no sex). I can’t understand- I was expecting and then after delivery, my body was still healing. I trusted him so much. He wanted a kid and when I was pregnant with his kid that he wanted, he cheated on me throughout. I am extremely heartbroken. He said that he will agree if I wanted a divorce and if I wanted to take our kid away with me. We have been together for almost a decade and I really cannot understand why he would do this to me. He said that it was a stupid mistake but to me, it wasn’t. He went back to cheat time and time again.

There was too much at stake; we are waiting for our hdb flat and I don’t want our kid to grow up in a broken family. I decided to hold on to this marriage. he promised me he would be there if I needed to talk. Initially, he was patient. But two months down, he doesn’t seem to care anymore when I am unhappy thinking about it. In fact, I feel that he sounds sick of me being unhappy about it.

His birthday was around the corner and he told me not to get him anything because he doesn’t deserve it. I thought of getting him a gift but all the bad memories came back so strongly and I didn’t get him anything this year. In the end, he was upset with me for days and was cold to me for not getting him anything. He said that I knew it was important to him but I didn’t do it. I want to ask him why did he cheat since he knew I would be hurt? I want to ask him is not getting a present worse than being cheated on? He doesn’t seem to show anymore concern for my feelings. I can’t tell him how I feel because it may likely just end up with a quarrel. I cry myself to sleep these nights. Almost every waking moment I’m burdened by this and I can’t even look after my kid wholeheartedly and I really hate him for that.

i am contemplating going for counselling to help myself to cope but can’t bring myself to take the first step out yet. I can’t tell anyone because since we decided to move on, it will not do good to publicise this. I have never felt so lonely in my life. now whenever he comes back from work, I feel another wave of sadness when I see him. It is really really hard for me. This marriage is starting to feel meaningless for me. He seems to have moved on and I wish he cared that I haven’t.
What I can say is he might have lost his love for you. Picking up small thing to quarrel.

Sometime look forward, letting go might be happier for all party.
 

Drain

Member
to @p-k

I agreed with wendy_reborn. Sometimes its better to let go than to hold on.
Seeing your case, I too feel that he has lost the love for you.
 

poco

Member
I found this thread while trying to seek support online. I am still hurting from my husband’s infidelity. I know I may not get a reply on this but I thought this would be an outlet for me.

3 days before my 30th birthday (I thought it would be special but never thought it would be the worst), I happened to find out that he had visited prostitutes since my second trimester. When I found out, he was messaging the “PRC” asking for an appointment. That was already 2 months after I gave birth. He even went after I gave birth. He told me that the reason is solely because we were not having sex. He said that he did hint that he has problems but couldn’t tell anyone about it (i.e. no sex). I can’t understand- I was expecting and then after delivery, my body was still healing. I trusted him so much. He wanted a kid and when I was pregnant with his kid that he wanted, he cheated on me throughout. I am extremely heartbroken. He said that he will agree if I wanted a divorce and if I wanted to take our kid away with me. We have been together for almost a decade and I really cannot understand why he would do this to me. He said that it was a stupid mistake but to me, it wasn’t. He went back to cheat time and time again.

There was too much at stake; we are waiting for our hdb flat and I don’t want our kid to grow up in a broken family. I decided to hold on to this marriage. he promised me he would be there if I needed to talk. Initially, he was patient. But two months down, he doesn’t seem to care anymore when I am unhappy thinking about it. In fact, I feel that he sounds sick of me being unhappy about it.

His birthday was around the corner and he told me not to get him anything because he doesn’t deserve it. I thought of getting him a gift but all the bad memories came back so strongly and I didn’t get him anything this year. In the end, he was upset with me for days and was cold to me for not getting him anything. He said that I knew it was important to him but I didn’t do it. I want to ask him why did he cheat since he knew I would be hurt? I want to ask him is not getting a present worse than being cheated on? He doesn’t seem to show anymore concern for my feelings. I can’t tell him how I feel because it may likely just end up with a quarrel. I cry myself to sleep these nights. Almost every waking moment I’m burdened by this and I can’t even look after my kid wholeheartedly and I really hate him for that.

i am contemplating going for counselling to help myself to cope but can’t bring myself to take the first step out yet. I can’t tell anyone because since we decided to move on, it will not do good to publicise this. I have never felt so lonely in my life. now whenever he comes back from work, I feel another wave of sadness when I see him. It is really really hard for me. This marriage is starting to feel meaningless for me. He seems to have moved on and I wish he cared that I haven’t.
p-k ,You are 30 still young, why do you want to waste your time with him?
You have to help yourself ,stop thinking if not will become depression.

Leave him, ask your parent / relatives to help care the baby ,find a job and save up $, you can apply Hdb with your child in future.
Or divorce , you has the child custody, ask him give up the flat.Court will grant you.
Don’t share custody with him.

If he doesn’t care to support baby then done cut him off totally.
Anyway he already said he doesn’t mind divorce and doesn’t mind you take the baby. Don’t think he will support the child till 21 years old.

Why hold on to someone who doesn’t value your tears?
Why do you want such a dirty man to be your child father?
Anytime he may bring home sex disease or any kind of sickness back.
And I dun think you want him to touch you.
If you continue with him , next 10 , 20 ,30 yrs you will regret why you didn’t divorce when you were young.
By then you become old and life is ruin.

Such a man will get his Karma.
I know a man who has cheated his wife 20 yrs, went prostitute till he has prostate cancer, suffer 8 years then died at 61.
If one day your husband gets his karma, has prostate cancer , are your love so great that you don’t mind to take care him?Support him? Bring him chemo?

Lift up your head, you have done nothing wrong.
He has destroyed the marriage, family and your trust.
Why do you feel disgrace or worry let others know what kind of person he was?
Be strong. Leave your hate to Karma.
 
Last edited:
I found this thread while trying to seek support online. I am still hurting from my husband’s infidelity. I know I may not get a reply on this but I thought this would be an outlet for me.

3 days before my 30th birthday (I thought it would be special but never thought it would be the worst), I happened to find out that he had visited prostitutes since my second trimester. When I found out, he was messaging the “PRC” asking for an appointment. That was already 2 months after I gave birth. He even went after I gave birth. He told me that the reason is solely because we were not having sex. He said that he did hint that he has problems but couldn’t tell anyone about it (i.e. no sex). I can’t understand- I was expecting and then after delivery, my body was still healing. I trusted him so much. He wanted a kid and when I was pregnant with his kid that he wanted, he cheated on me throughout. I am extremely heartbroken. He said that he will agree if I wanted a divorce and if I wanted to take our kid away with me. We have been together for almost a decade and I really cannot understand why he would do this to me. He said that it was a stupid mistake but to me, it wasn’t. He went back to cheat time and time again.

There was too much at stake; we are waiting for our hdb flat and I don’t want our kid to grow up in a broken family. I decided to hold on to this marriage. he promised me he would be there if I needed to talk. Initially, he was patient. But two months down, he doesn’t seem to care anymore when I am unhappy thinking about it. In fact, I feel that he sounds sick of me being unhappy about it.

His birthday was around the corner and he told me not to get him anything because he doesn’t deserve it. I thought of getting him a gift but all the bad memories came back so strongly and I didn’t get him anything this year. In the end, he was upset with me for days and was cold to me for not getting him anything. He said that I knew it was important to him but I didn’t do it. I want to ask him why did he cheat since he knew I would be hurt? I want to ask him is not getting a present worse than being cheated on? He doesn’t seem to show anymore concern for my feelings. I can’t tell him how I feel because it may likely just end up with a quarrel. I cry myself to sleep these nights. Almost every waking moment I’m burdened by this and I can’t even look after my kid wholeheartedly and I really hate him for that.

i am contemplating going for counselling to help myself to cope but can’t bring myself to take the first step out yet. I can’t tell anyone because since we decided to move on, it will not do good to publicise this. I have never felt so lonely in my life. now whenever he comes back from work, I feel another wave of sadness when I see him. It is really really hard for me. This marriage is starting to feel meaningless for me. He seems to have moved on and I wish he cared that I haven’t.
feel so sorry to hear what is happening to u , big hugs
 

Cath_rina

Member
My ex husband was unfaithful. He got a new gf after our divorce and married her and now they have a child. What's more the mistress is from Vietnam! What a disgrace.
 

Drain

Member
Hi all. I am married for about with a young kid. I didn’t not find out my husband was cheating but I received an text from an unknown person claiming that he/she is my friend and just wanted to tell me that my husband has cheated on me while I’m not around. I confronted my husband and he covered it up with lies. I keep digging until I found out something fishy and he confessed that the both of them were drunk and nothing much happened. I buy his story. I chose to believe him and continue our lives as if nothing happened. Weeks later I received texts of this unknown person again showing me all the conversations between my husband and the girl. I was crushed. I couldn’t believe my husband will text and sweet talk another girl like that. And I confronted him again. He knew he can’t lie anymore. He cheated. They went to hotel. I am so hurt and pain and devastated. I hate him. But he told me it was just one night and has no feeling with her but what I’m so angry about is he still continue to keep in touch with her after that night and ask her out again! Though they never get to meet. And once I back he show no interest to the girl anymore and block her. I think thats why the girl felt used so she is trying to revenge by sending me all these. Her wish is to see our family break. However it’s all started by my husband I can’t blame anyone. Self control. My husband is very apologetic now and asking for a second chance. I can feel that he mean it. But I really don’t know what to do because I am devastated and I don’t think I can forget what has he done to me. I am in so much pain. I hate him for putting me through this.
Well, it depend if you can trust him again. It will take some time to build trust back again. But are you willing to give him the chance and to trust him again? If answer is no, then perhaps you need to think if separation/divorce is the only way...
 

Stansy

Member
Hi all. I am married for about with a young kid. I didn’t not find out my husband was cheating but I received an text from an unknown person claiming that he/she is my friend and just wanted to tell me that my husband has cheated on me while I’m not around. I confronted my husband and he covered it up with lies. I keep digging until I found out something fishy and he confessed that the both of them were drunk and nothing much happened. I buy his story. I chose to believe him and continue our lives as if nothing happened. Weeks later I received texts of this unknown person again showing me all the conversations between my husband and the girl. I was crushed. I couldn’t believe my husband will text and sweet talk another girl like that. And I confronted him again. He knew he can’t lie anymore. He cheated. They went to hotel. I am so hurt and pain and devastated. I hate him. But he told me it was just one night and has no feeling with her but what I’m so angry about is he still continue to keep in touch with her after that night and ask her out again! Though they never get to meet. And once I back he show no interest to the girl anymore and block her. I think thats why the girl felt used so she is trying to revenge by sending me all these. Her wish is to see our family break. However it’s all started by my husband I can’t blame anyone. Self control. My husband is very apologetic now and asking for a second chance. I can feel that he mean it. But I really don’t know what to do because I am devastated and I don’t think I can forget what has he done to me. I am in so much pain. I hate him for putting me through this.
Hi Lilulilala, it’s extremely difficult to forgive & forget. It’s really need time to heal, there will be times tt u will hit by fear and uncertainly ... if u think tt he deserves a 2nd chance than go with ur heart but the qtns are how do u gain his trusts and both of u to move on for the better. All the best!
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
Hi all. I am married for about with a young kid. I didn’t not find out my husband was cheating but I received an text from an unknown person claiming that he/she is my friend and just wanted to tell me that my husband has cheated on me while I’m not around. I confronted my husband and he covered it up with lies. I keep digging until I found out something fishy and he confessed that the both of them were drunk and nothing much happened. I buy his story. I chose to believe him and continue our lives as if nothing happened. Weeks later I received texts of this unknown person again showing me all the conversations between my husband and the girl. I was crushed. I couldn’t believe my husband will text and sweet talk another girl like that. And I confronted him again. He knew he can’t lie anymore. He cheated. They went to hotel. I am so hurt and pain and devastated. I hate him. But he told me it was just one night and has no feeling with her but what I’m so angry about is he still continue to keep in touch with her after that night and ask her out again! Though they never get to meet. And once I back he show no interest to the girl anymore and block her. I think thats why the girl felt used so she is trying to revenge by sending me all these. Her wish is to see our family break. However it’s all started by my husband I can’t blame anyone. Self control. My husband is very apologetic now and asking for a second chance. I can feel that he mean it. But I really don’t know what to do because I am devastated and I don’t think I can forget what has he done to me. I am in so much pain. I hate him for putting me through this.
Time will tell.

I feel he is not remorseful. He doesn’t even want to tell the truth.
You have to confront them he tell and even lies to you.
Before you make the next move please monitor him.
Have to ask yourself if they really stop? If he had to cheat with her many times. Will a women expose him this way?
Other than this relationship does he have other?
You have to start to monitor, who does he meet during his free time or does he come home late after work frequently. Don’t be lied to again.
 
you have to be careful with him.
if not for thse message you will never know what is he doing behind your back.

I believe he is having a relationship with that women that why the women is able to get your hp number. and if just a one night stand the women wont think of breaking up your relationship and gaining from it.
 

Tammyisup

Member
Hi, is anyone still here? Need some advise..

Sorry for the long story:
Found out hb had an affair with a China massage lady(suspect she provide extra service to most of her customers) in July, they should be seeing each other since late May, where I'm trying to conceive.

We have been dating for 15 years and married for 2 yrs plus. The world turn upside down when I found out through his Wechat.

Confronted him the same night and he admitted he hav been seeing the girl recently but from the call chat and all, I know it hav been earlier. In between, we had slept in seperated room for about 1.5months, he have been lying a lot of things, keep finding her although he keep saying he don't want to divorce.. During the period we sleep in the different room, he confessed to her that he really in love with her, even wanting to marry her and explore working opportunities in China. The lady went back to China in Sept.

However, after 4 months, he decided to come back to me and promised to remove his connection with her and not contact her anymore. I accepted his returns, learning to forgive and forget but it is so tough that I wonder if I'm having depression sometimes.

However, I still doubt his behaviour. Although I have told him that I'm uncomfortable of him bringing his phone to everywhere even toilet. But yet, till now, he is still doing the same. His phone seems clean but I can't help it to believe him. He is treating me well now, really like times before the affairs happened.

I always wonder why he still want to return if he have cleared his mind, feeling towards the lady, clearly knowing himself fall in love with such lady. Moreover we don't have kids as the string attach, then just divorce and go find the so-called true love.

I wonder what's my next step since I decided to accept his returns? Should I be seeing a counsellor or whoever that can help me..
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
It take time to built up trust.
But you have to talk to him what are you uncomfortable with.
Also be careful, the China women might have gone back but she might be back anytime with a new work permit
 

QIANX2

Member
Hi, is anyone still here? Need some advise..

Sorry for the long story:
Found out hb had an affair with a China massage lady(suspect she provide extra service to most of her customers) in July, they should be seeing each other since late May, where I'm trying to conceive.

We have been dating for 15 years and married for 2 yrs plus. The world turn upside down when I found out through his Wechat.

Confronted him the same night and he admitted he hav been seeing the girl recently but from the call chat and all, I know it hav been earlier. In between, we had slept in seperated room for about 1.5months, he have been lying a lot of things, keep finding her although he keep saying he don't want to divorce.. During the period we sleep in the different room, he confessed to her that he really in love with her, even wanting to marry her and explore working opportunities in China. The lady went back to China in Sept.

However, after 4 months, he decided to come back to me and promised to remove his connection with her and not contact her anymore. I accepted his returns, learning to forgive and forget but it is so tough that I wonder if I'm having depression sometimes.

However, I still doubt his behaviour. Although I have told him that I'm uncomfortable of him bringing his phone to everywhere even toilet. But yet, till now, he is still doing the same. His phone seems clean but I can't help it to believe him. He is treating me well now, really like times before the affairs happened.

I always wonder why he still want to return if he have cleared his mind, feeling towards the lady, clearly knowing himself fall in love with such lady. Moreover we don't have kids as the string attach, then just divorce and go find the so-called true love.

I wonder what's my next step since I decided to accept his returns? Should I be seeing a counsellor or whoever that can help me..
She might have gone back but there are still many ways they can be in contact.
 


Stansy

Member
Hi Lynn_Lynn-

it truly need a lot of work and efforts to rebuild the trust and faith, I must preempt u tt it’s not easy at all. Life will be very different after all these surfaced; dun get me wrong am not encouraging to divorce him but u really need to think very throughly what indeed that u want out of this marriage, how are you be able to move on?
is easy to forgive but tough to forget as the deep cut w the deep scare is already there
 

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