!**Should I go for Divorce?**!

truffleapple

New Member
He's always work come first! No doubt he is working hard for the family but I feel lack of love from him. I feel very tired in our marriage, it's like no love involved.

We been together for almost 8 years. Thoughout all these years, he cheated on me several times on one night stands before our marriage. I forgave him thinking he might change. I listened to my mum in asking him to go for ROM then customary marriage. Who knows after we got married, he still cheated on me. For the sake of our future, I once again forgave him but the thorn is hard to remove.

Things are not getting better when we are TTC and had to resort to going for IVF. IVF journey is trauma but miscarriage is even worse! I managed to give birth to my boy 2 years ago. I just had a miscarriage from my IVF frozen embryos transfer.

During these periods, there is no one who can understand what I am going thru. I did not at once feel love, care and understanding from my husband. He only care about his work. His priorities are always his work, friends, staffs or personal commitment. He has already started to place our son behind too. We are like friends living under one roof. No embracing, no sweet talk, no listening ear (even have also about his work), no hold hands, no kissing. Even we have sex is just to satisfy ourselves (after sex, he is back to sleep in his own world). I feel so miserable, I need love and care. Still remembered we had a big quarral shortly after I gave birth. I felt I almost fell into post natal depression. Recently after I had my miscarriage abortion, he is too cold to be described. No consoling words, no sadness, no support. Isn't a couple suppose to learn how to love each other? Being a state like this, how are we going to last forever? We just had a quarral just now, he said he don't love me anymore. He ask for divorce and I can have custody of my son. He said he can don't want our son just want the money in our joint account! I feel really sad when he say these. I had a hard time giving birth to our son and our son doesn't come easily. How can he be so heartless to say don't want our son but want money instead (this is the 2nd time he made this statement).

I feel very sad. Sometimes, I really hope we can be divorced. We are like friends, really normal friends type. No feelings. I tried to talk to him but he just brush it away. He said my temper is bad (yes, sometimes I will shout at him) but does he know why is my temper bad? I have no cares from him! I need his attention! He never ever show his cares to me even when I went for the surgery. This is the time when I need love the most. I sometimes cry to sleep. How to stay on with a person who don't love me. His attidute make my love towards him slowly diminished. What should I do? I found out that I love to spend money to buy the satisfaction to subsitute his love. To save this marriage or go for divorce??? Please help me!!!!
 


i think u can try going for social workers or family care services. they do ensure that what u say remains confidential and not even your husband can extract information without your consent.

they can advice u on your situation and if the situation is very bad and you have to go for a divorce, then they will advice accordingly. please do not see that divorce is an option. they might be able to give u advice or direct help to save your marriage. if saving the marriage is impossible, then they will also be there to advice u and help u on how to proceed. take note, your husband has to bear consequences for the divorce in the form of maintenance, especially when he does not want custody of your son and he is capable of earning money.
 
After I found my husband cheated on me last yr, we had talked about it, he chose to give up his family which really upset me a lot, I'm at a loss as to what to do next, thinking of divorce, can anyone advise me pls. What is the best option for me?
 
Meeguan,

Very sorry to hear that... Is this the 1st time he cheated one you? I think u would know the answer best.

Ask yourself some questions:
1) are you able to trust him as usual if you were to give him another chance? If you don't it's going to be v difficult at your side
2) you said he had chose to gave up in the family.. Is it still worth it to win bk tge family, by clapping alone.. I think it takes 2 hands to clap.
3) you need to know how serious he is willing to change if tge sake of the family. If he is confused or uncertain, then the risk of him getting into another affair could b higher
4) why do you think you should win bk this relationship?
5) wt would you b like w/o him
6) do you hv any children n how old are they

For myself... I had forgiven my husband once 7 yrs ago.. Althought tt one didn't ended up w an affair.. It still breaks my heart badly.. But becos he sincerely ask for forgiveness.. I gave him a chance. But inside me, I hv told myself this is the only chance I m giving him, choose him not appreciate it, I will let go not matter how hard it is. Once bitten twice shy... So this time he really got into an affair.. He was really remorseful n realised how impt the family meant to him n he is still trying to win the relationship bk. But down in my heart... Once is enough... I hv been suffering with the scar n it took me yrs to regain the confident yet it happened again..

This time I refuse to let my emotion control the life tgat I want. I think we deserve to be treated better..I guess u need to know ur limit.. If u feel that u hv yet to reach yours n wish to give him a chance, then you must b prepare for the worst in case he were to hurt you again n you hv to accept that you are the one who hv made the chose. He was not totally at fault.. Cos you gave him another chance to hurt you further.

Are you 100% sure he is remorseful n wanted to treat you n the family better than b4? I think u know the answer better.
 
i feel that you should let go.

i also tried working hard to salvage my marriage.
that time badly wanted the family to stay together. afterall is his son

but the question is once u stay away n come to think of it. it took me 1.5yrs to back to myself. n face the true reality in life.

he doesnt care abt the son. doesnt see him. doesnt pay for his living.

ive walked out of the dark moments n now in a new r/s. my boyfren n his family love my son alot. they buy him alot of gift n help me takecare of him.

if u don make the step to walk out of this ordeal. u never see the beautiful of the future.

im sure u can do it.
all the best to u
 
Best to sort both your feelings out and priorities. If he's not willing to stop playing around and be responsible as a spouse, better to consider stepping out of this relationship. Take care! Very sad to read about what happened to you, truffleaple
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