Should I forgive my husband that cheats before and now wanting to get “happy ending” from masseur

Avocadogirl

New Member
We dated for 5 years and have decided to get married as our bto is about to be completed.
He’s someone whom I can talk to and his temper is good and takes good care of me, but never have I expected, he’s been having an affair for the past 1 year before our marriage. And even on the 3rd day after our marriage, he went on a road trip holiday with that woman when he told me he was on a worktrip.

Everything was exposed because that woman called my ex-company asking me not to break up other people’s relationship which totally puzzled me as I have no idea who she is and what she’s talking about. So, everything came to light as my husband have decided to come clean and it was a total shock and I can’t even describe how devastated I was. I wanted to die. Knowing my husband was sleeping with another woman before marriage, and even just 3 days after our wedding ceremony. And it leads to another expose issue which is he actually went to visit prostitution and dirty massage parlour even when we were dating.

To cut short that 3 years back episode, we’ve decided to go for marriage counselling and I wanted to make things work again for us after knowing all the dirty heartbreaking truth because I still believe that it was just a foolish mistake that he already knew it was wrong and we all learn from that episode and move on to learn how to love again.

But. 2 days back, when we were on a trip overseas, I’ve discovered that he actually change extra money without me knowing and when I questioned him what’s that money for. Initially, he was just saying for emergency use. But not long later, he confessed that he has the thought of getting a “happy ending” special service if the massage parlor does offer that. He did not get to use the money as the masseurs were decent, but he wanted and will use it if it was offered.

I’m really heartbroken and confuse now. I thought we were healing well from the infidelity but end up is he going back to his own real self?
Is the person who takes good care of me and listen to me and a soulmate to me are all my own self denial?
I really love him alot, I can’t imagine life without him.
Will there still be a future for us?
Is divorce the only route for us now?
 


before u decide on anything. you have to ask yourself will you trust him again?

how much u know about him?
 
before u decide on anything. you have to ask yourself will you trust him again?

how much u know about him?
Throughout these 3 years of healing period, I wouldn’t say its back to trusting him 100% but is really day by day getting better (at least from my perspective).

And I can say that after the 2nd year we were back to pretty normal as in he’s able to go out after his working hours, and I’ve told myself in order for this r/s to work, I have to trust him if not it just wont work with suspicion constantly.

But it felt like we were back to square one again from this masseur incident. (even though it was a failed attempt, but it could have happened if it was being offered). And how could he even has this thought when it was a trip with me and my mum.

I thought I knew him very well, maybe I only knew that him which he wants to portray to me.
 
anyway trust need time to build up. and after 2 incidents its not going to be easy.

other than trust, u have being hurt twice. are u getting used to you or its hurting more? will u be able to take a 3rd time?

now I believe you still dont have a child with him but if u have a child it will become more difficult for u to leave him
 
Well, I know of a case whereby the husband had been visiting prostitute/getting 'special' for the past 3 years. Despite no matter how many chances given, trust broken, and yet the husband continue. Eventually, both decided to file for separation.
2 years later, the husband and the wife patch back again, as the husband took this 2 years to 'enjoy' (or in a way got sick of it), and at the same time, kicking away this bad habit. They are still now together and the husband had finally kick off this habit in the end
 
anyway trust need time to build up. and after 2 incidents its not going to be easy.

other than trust, u have being hurt twice. are u getting used to you or its hurting more? will u be able to take a 3rd time?

now I believe you still dont have a child with him but if u have a child it will become more difficult for u to leave him
When it happened for the first time, I told myself I will only give this relationship one more chance. As I thought both of us really did suffered and hurt, and the impact is that big that he would clearly remember how in pain we were because of that affair.
Never would I expect 3 years later, he would take the risk of ruining all the effort we have put in for such thrills again. But when this happened again, the thought of him realising his mistake and wont do it again came to my mind again.
My brain just dont function like my heart does, I just somehow still believe he will change for the better for our sake. But my brain is telling me it’s all just my wishful thinking as if he does treasure me, why would he do this to me again now.
 
Well, I know of a case whereby the husband had been visiting prostitute/getting 'special' for the past 3 years. Despite no matter how many chances given, trust broken, and yet the husband continue. Eventually, both decided to file for separation.
2 years later, the husband and the wife patch back again, as the husband took this 2 years to 'enjoy' (or in a way got sick of it), and at the same time, kicking away this bad habit. They are still now together and the husband had finally kick off this habit in the end
The though of it just saddens me as in why the man whom you love so deeply has to do such dirty acts even though they know they are wrong and are ashamed of their act.
I naively think that by showing him I can move on from the affair incident and his past prostitution, he will see the effort I have put in on how this became a chapter/ episode and not something that will linger with us throughout our future.
But apparently it was me that thought we are moving forward, his guilt and feelings towards me is still stucked at 3 years back.
He claims that I knew all the dirty shameful stuffs of him that he cant face/ treat me with a high ego as hes always someone that has did shameful stuffs and I know it all.
 
The though of it just saddens me as in why the man whom you love so deeply has to do such dirty acts even though they know they are wrong and are ashamed of their act.
I naively think that by showing him I can move on from the affair incident and his past prostitution, he will see the effort I have put in on how this became a chapter/ episode and not something that will linger with us throughout our future.
But apparently it was me that thought we are moving forward, his guilt and feelings towards me is still stucked at 3 years back.
He claims that I knew all the dirty shameful stuffs of him that he cant face/ treat me with a high ego as hes always someone that has did shameful stuffs and I know it all.

Well, when a person changes, all kind of excuse will be given. It all depend on what you really want. What we can do is only giving you advice. Choices is still yours to make.

If you feel you should give him another chance, by all means and go ahead. But do think what if he break this chance again? How many 'chances' can you give?
 
u have also to consider that u caught him twice. he will become smarter.

to catch him 3rd time might be impossible
 
as read, w the woman called u in the office shows the level of commitment your hub gave to her. she knows your contact. best, your work plc. your hub is sharing your info w her. ask yourself why? is he banging on the woman helping him to split w u?

if you can't chg him, chg yourself.

there are many solutions to a problem. the 'solution' u picked depends on what kinda person u r.

social pressure is always 'EMA, must divorce.". you can always stay put and ride through the storm. but after the storm, what's left of u, u know better.

Admit the fact that u have married a 'cat'. and this cat's diet is fish. you love this cat. but u sure the cat loves u?

hence, no fix solution. u can forgive him agn and agn. one fine day, you will be clear how to tackle this problem.

meantime, protect yourself. don't lost the man and lost the money too.
 
We dated for 5 years and have decided to get married as our bto is about to be completed.
He’s someone whom I can talk to and his temper is good and takes good care of me, but never have I expected, he’s been having an affair for the past 1 year before our marriage. And even on the 3rd day after our marriage, he went on a road trip holiday with that woman when he told me he was on a worktrip.

Everything was exposed because that woman called my ex-company asking me not to break up other people’s relationship which totally puzzled me as I have no idea who she is and what she’s talking about. So, everything came to light as my husband have decided to come clean and it was a total shock and I can’t even describe how devastated I was. I wanted to die. Knowing my husband was sleeping with another woman before marriage, and even just 3 days after our wedding ceremony. And it leads to another expose issue which is he actually went to visit prostitution and dirty massage parlour even when we were dating.

To cut short that 3 years back episode, we’ve decided to go for marriage counselling and I wanted to make things work again for us after knowing all the dirty heartbreaking truth because I still believe that it was just a foolish mistake that he already knew it was wrong and we all learn from that episode and move on to learn how to love again.

But. 2 days back, when we were on a trip overseas, I’ve discovered that he actually change extra money without me knowing and when I questioned him what’s that money for. Initially, he was just saying for emergency use. But not long later, he confessed that he has the thought of getting a “happy ending” special service if the massage parlor does offer that. He did not get to use the money as the masseurs were decent, but he wanted and will use it if it was offered.

I’m really heartbroken and confuse now. I thought we were healing well from the infidelity but end up is he going back to his own real self?
Is the person who takes good care of me and listen to me and a soulmate to me are all my own self denial?
I really love him alot, I can’t imagine life without him.
Will there still be a future for us?
Is divorce the only route for us now?

Do you really feel happy in the past 3 yrs?
What you love him was a memory of your past, u were still living in your memory with him.

In reality can u really forget and forgive him?
He was disrespectful to you.
If both of you still young and without children, I would suggest you to leave him.
You were lucky to found out his true self.

Find someone who value you , love yourself first don’t be an option.
There are many nice things in this world which you can seek beside men.
 
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