Should i forgive him?

[3_kids]

my husband had an affair with his staff..spending money to go hotel with her every few days...and that woman work like his wife...on her own timing, mostly half day or off anytime and he picks her up and have lunch and dinner together and send her home when times up...and in this way...of course the whole office know about it only me who still don't know anything till one year...and he even planed on last year and booked an air ticket during beginning of Sept and flight schld this year Jan to go Bali with her by using the whole company going as a cover up and not intend to bring us at all...see..about four months plan..how to concentrate and do buz?....she's more like his wife than staff.... and the staffs behind all call this woman "lady boss" behind..because everything about the company, she's the one who make the decisions.....this woman has a husband who also is a boss and also had an affair with his account girl..my husband is not her only affair..she sleeps around...mostly boss....and then quit her job when lady boss found out....if she is a decent girl, he will gives up on us and be with her...

He told me when he had his affair, he did not think about what will happen in the end....but he said he never think of giving up us...what is this?..my goodness.....I'm very tire of him....really feel like giving up...it's so difficult to communicate with him...he and his mother thinks the same...what's ever mistake they made...they will only blame on others and never think back, forget it and move on...


I think the only mistake we made is me and him sleep separate rooms ever since my girl was around 3+....she's 8 years old now...he's the one who moved over to another room because he said i complaint the bed to small for three persons and i don't want him to touch me....but again, when that affair happen, we were in good term....but he said that's my own thinking...he thinks our marriage never had good term before....

I did not check his hp...but i always on and off and also always reminded him and tell him not to go for prostitute and not to have affair outside...

his answers was always saying things like " why go prostitute?, without love how to do that?..all my office girl are married,..I'm so busy where go time?...blah..blah to make me trust him till i really trust him...

it's really too much...i don't think he still loves me but he said he still loves me...if so, how can that happen if you love some one?....i become more skinny and lost 6-7 kgs.

He made the girl left by not assign any new project to her...and after i confronted him, i went to his office very often with kids till she can't take it.. in this affair....she made the 1st move......he said their agreement in this affair is if ever either one of the spouse finds out they have to break off..

I chased him out of our house and we are separated now..he can comes and visit us...sleep over here once a week...

kids don't even know he had moved out...

now he's trying to win us back, so he's more willing to spend on us....


He started with his staff around last year May,this woman started to work for him around April, just after one month they started, during that time we have some small issue....due to no maid and he avoid to help up.....and he had a new affair through internet around this year March, and he did contact this girl past two weeks...when i scan through his hp i saw their sms, it was about that woman husband also found out about them and chased her out of the house...and so i asked him did he contact any one of them? ( the two affairs) he said no....and i asked him again and again think before he answered, he said no....and i asked him what's those sms? he then said...just sms, didn't meet up.....my goodness!....i said "do you know the meaning of contact each other?".....he said he was just need some one to talk about i've separated with him....that woman said she's willing to gives up her husband and be with him, he refused...i asked why not? he said because of our kids....he loves them...and so i said...then go find another woman and have kids again....He said he loves me and hate me....

He said he wants us back and ask me to forgive him...i told him, i'm very tire of him as this is not his first time...it happens many years ago...but the past did not last long, coz i found out in very short period...and nothing happen btw them....they only just started.....i told him in order to protect myself and kids...i will want him to sign an agreement in the lawyer's place....agreement about if ever he had another affair again...he has no right to fight for the kids custody and house....and money all go to me....he said he's willing to sign what's ever my terms and agreement...

He said he wants me to help up in his company, money everything i handle...just gives him some pocket money is enough...

But, to be true...the problem is i can't forgive what he did and move on.....and I've lost the trust on him....totally lost....

 

[beatrice_chua]

try to forgive him..since he is your husband...but its better to have an annulment or divorce..

 

[ai_sakura]

I think if your husband did it once, maybe even twice, it might be all right to forgive his mistake.

If he did it so many times, it isn't a mistake anymore. It's more like a habit, don't you think?

My religion teaches me that marriage lasts forever. But then, it takes 2 to make a marriage work. Your husband's behaviour is distructive to you, and this is not a condusive environment for your kids.

Maybe you can try marriage counselling. Tell yourself to give another last shot. If not, then just let go.

Ai @ http://sakuraharuka.blogspot.com

 

[wasabi126]

Forgiveness is for your own sake, for your own sanity, not for the perpetrator. Only when you have truly forgive then you can move on with your life, otherwise you will always be carrying this burden with you even when you remarry. You will only experience true peace after you forgive.

 

[linda_ang]

My gf was married since 2009. 21 feb... And last year have there wedding dinner 20-03-11. Yet thing change after all. I feel like a nightmare on. After meet this getai Chen Xiao xin and thing happend a broken married of them. Husband and Xiao xin getai singer was together up to hurt the wife deep deep by there stupid way. Keep sent the wife photo and SMS of them thing to make the wife cannt take it. I understand my gf pain inside her heart. She knw her husband since 2003 for 9 year . Yet treat her this way both of them use to be very close fre and stay in same location of there house. My gf happend her sickness now husband leave her and hurt her this way how a women could take all this by her ownself. She cannt slp and eat worry and scare of all those thing the husband and the Xiao xin wan to do to her. Why must treat my gf this sad way when my gf so in love deep with we husband for 9 year love. Husband beat my gf for more then 6 time up even end in hospital b4. But my gf forgive him few time and stil with him. Yet hurt a 软的女人.. Even my gf chose to be forgive her husband that time when she find up got this Xiao xin . She told alot of fre even infornt of her husband and the women . She stil hope her husband to be back and save the marriage. Husband fre told my gf dnt be silly women this kind of man forget about it not use anymore. How he hurt u we are guy see Liao also not happy. Even the husband knw very well wife love him so much and he stil make way to hurt my gf more deep . When my gf with her husband time her husband is no money de. My gf dnt mind spent with him together all those hard time an nv leave him stil chose to marry him. Together dem those wind wind rain rain time. Then thing change. Husband got money Liao treat her like hell spent his money on the women and buy her lv bag Rolex watch Gucci shoe and go japan holiday. When my gf apply for money in family court husband say no money all this and tt yet stil can bring tt women go Japan holiday . This kind of husband see the way he did to my gf yet stil make her til no way.

 

[linda_ang]

pls help to commet at post husband betrays the wife