Pregnant with 4th child -- am considering abortion?

[reiann]

I'm wondering if there are other mothers out there, who already have at least one child, or more, and pregnant again? An unintended, absolute accident... and considered abortion? I know of several mothers who went ahead with the termination of the pregnancy, but some chose to keep the baby.

As a mother, the choice of abortion is heartbreaking, because I know what a little embryo can grow into, with his or her own character and traits. But it is also going to be so difficult, from the pregnancy (I suffer from very bad nausea for months, backache, etc), to having the baby with all its attending demands, and balancing that with the needs of my current family of three relatively young children, and my job, and generally, my life.

Please, I do not need any pro-life arguments here: this is not about that at all. I just need to talk to other mothers who are in a similar boat as me, or had been in one, whom I can talk to. The issue here is that I am on the fence -- had I been very clear about wanting a 4th child (!!!!!!) or very clear I do not want any more children, I wouldn't be here.

Much appreciated.

 

[Wantabb]

Hi reiann, just sharing my story. I was accidentally & unintentionally pregnant my #2 with my ex-husband few years ago and we were having a huge argument before my pregnancy. My ex mil & ex husband dragged me to the clinic for abortion as they said that we were not financially prepared and now is not time to have #2 (mil told me she did 2 abortion before). I have no support from my family too cos they are not staying in sg. I cried madly when the gynae did ultrasound for me. But then, my ex husband stand very firmly that to go for abortion because we wanted to save money for the house reno and also we can pay more attention for our #1. So, I went through the abortion, I cried till my eyes became dry and sore. Whenever i saw a pregnant lady or a new born, my tear will start dropping. It's indeed a heartbroken feeling.
So now, I have move on from my previous marriage and I met my current husband now. We have been trying to ttc for 3.5 years and till now no news yet. I guess this is a karma for me. My suggestion is to discuss with your family or your husband or you may also go for counselling, before you make your decision for abortion.

 

[reiann]

Thanks Wantabb for sharing. Gosh I am so, so very sorry for what you had gone through with your ex-husband, and I am so sorry you were coerced into it. I really wish you all the very best and for you to have a beautiful baby with your new partner.

I'm in a different situation... my husband and I have discussed this every chance we have got! We had time to mull over it too, over the weekend. Nobody is forcing me to make a decision. In fact my husband is very very very slightly on the side of keeping it, but only just. And that is without the consideration of what I will have to go through with a pregnancy. So overall, I am still on the side of termination, as I need a resounding yes from him before I will think about keeping. AHHHHHH

 

[KelGen]

Well, is this pregnancy planned or unplanned?
Are you both able to support if were to give birth (As in no financial problem)
If yes, then maybe can consider giving birth.

 

[Wantabb]

Hi reiann, thank you for your wishing=). Frankly speaking, if I didn't go for abortion back then, I wouldn't have chance to meet my lovely husband who is accepted my past, my child and also accepted who I am included the ugly side of me. Of course, going through an abortion is always a pain in my heart.
Anyway, there's no right or wrong whether to go for an abortion. Just have to make sure you are making the right decision for you and your family =) Jiayou!!!

 

[hellocheng]

I'm wondering if there are other mothers out there, who already have at least one child, or more, and pregnant again? An unintended, absolute accident... and considered abortion? I know of several mothers who went ahead with the termination of the pregnancy, but some chose to keep the baby.

As a mother, the choice of abortion is heartbreaking, because I know what a little embryo can grow into, with his or her own character and traits. But it is also going to be so difficult, from the pregnancy (I suffer from very bad nausea for months, backache, etc), to having the baby with all its attending demands, and balancing that with the needs of my current family of three relatively young children, and my job, and generally, my life.

Please, I do not need any pro-life arguments here: this is not about that at all. I just need to talk to other mothers who are in a similar boat as me, or had been in one, whom I can talk to. The issue here is that I am on the fence -- had I been very clear about wanting a 4th child (!!!!!!) or very clear I do not want any more children, I wouldn't be here.

Much appreciated.

We'll it is important to trust your gut and instinct. yeah?
So I will just leave this here:

DR JEN SHEK WEI of Women’s Clinic of Singapore
Medical Specialist - Obstetrician & Gynecologists (since 1984)
Blk 721 Ang Mo Kio Ave 8
#01-2813 Singapore 560721

 

[joyousbb]

Hi reiann, just sharing my story. I was accidentally & unintentionally pregnant my #2 with my ex-husband few years ago and we were having a huge argument before my pregnancy. My ex mil & ex husband dragged me to the clinic for abortion as they said that we were not financially prepared and now is not time to have #2 (mil told me she did 2 abortion before). I have no support from my family too cos they are not staying in sg. I cried madly when the gynae did ultrasound for me. But then, my ex husband stand very firmly that to go for abortion because we wanted to save money for the house reno and also we can pay more attention for our #1. So, I went through the abortion, I cried till my eyes became dry and sore. Whenever i saw a pregnant lady or a new born, my tear will start dropping. It's indeed a heartbroken feeling.
So now, I have move on from my previous marriage and I met my current husband now. We have been trying to ttc for 3.5 years and till now no news yet. I guess this is a karma for me. My suggestion is to discuss with your family or your husband or you may also go for counselling, before you make your decision for abortion.

Hi wantabb

I m in quite similar situation with u but i m the one who keep wanting #2 but cant bfp coz having bad communication n marital issues with ex hub. Ex hub doing well n have a stable job n income though highly stressed job n mixed with wrong company n i discovered his wrongdoings.

Beem holding back leaving him telling myself to give more time, deceiving myself that things will improve but nv did it happen n went downhill instead.

One day i decides i jsut wanna be happy so i told him i wanna leave. Meet my current hubby n having my #2. Better man(i think)
At least i m happier.

Reiann,
I feel that baby comes to a couple for a reason. It's only affinity n fate that bb comes.
For me i waited for 10 yrs for #2. If financially ok n couple rs is stable n good, i would think keeping bb is good. Some bb comes to repay the parents instead of bringing financial issues.

Give your bb a chance. There is a reason for his/her arrival. Since ur hubby is in the keeping side, go ahead to bring bb to see the word. But of course ultimate decision is urs.

Make the right decision.
God blessed n take care

 

[Chubbycheeks1927]

I'm wondering if there are other mothers out there, who already have at least one child, or more, and pregnant again? An unintended, absolute accident... and considered abortion? I know of several mothers who went ahead with the termination of the pregnancy, but some chose to keep the baby.

As a mother, the choice of abortion is heartbreaking, because I know what a little embryo can grow into, with his or her own character and traits. But it is also going to be so difficult, from the pregnancy (I suffer from very bad nausea for months, backache, etc), to having the baby with all its attending demands, and balancing that with the needs of my current family of three relatively young children, and my job, and generally, my life.

Please, I do not need any pro-life arguments here: this is not about that at all. I just need to talk to other mothers who are in a similar boat as me, or had been in one, whom I can talk to. The issue here is that I am on the fence -- had I been very clear about wanting a 4th child (!!!!!!) or very clear I do not want any more children, I wouldn't be here.

Much appreciated.

Any update?

 

[LLyun15]

Havin an abortion especially if you really wanted to have a baby is heartbreaking. My bestfriend needed to have an abortion because her baby had a chromosomal defect and as a mother myself I know how devastated she felt at the time, but getting the abortion was also necessary to save her health. Aside from regularly talking with her, I found that it helps to also learn more about abortions, and to talk about them. There are times when the procedure is necessary, I've also read some articles that there are cases that an abortion has saved lives. Websites and blogs like AWARE, singaporeabortionsg and theasianparent are good sources of information for those who are on the fence about keeping or terminating a pregnancy. It helps to be well-informed to make an educated decision at the end of the day.

 

[VanDa32]

With abortion it's a very personal decision and we're lucky in SG that the service is accessible to all women. When I was considering an abortion (which ended with a miscarriage), it helped me to talk to my obgyn Dr Ben Choey. Our discussions helped me be aware of my options and which one was best for me.

 

[mitchiehong]

I understand that you're facing a complex and challenging situation. It's important to connect with others who have navigated similar experiences. I recommend reaching out to Dr. Jen Shek Wei, a compassionate and understanding professional who can provide guidance and support tailored to your unique circumstances. She has helped many mothers in similar situations and may offer valuable insights to help you make an informed decision. Remember, you're not alone, and seeking support is a courageous step.