Possibly married the wrong person

Hhhhhh

New Member
We were together for many many years before marriage but maybe I was blinded and maybe I was scared no one else would want me and I would be a spinster.

We have young kids now (under 3).

He has done things that has made fell out of love with him. Granted he has not cheated but he has/is:
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ;
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); and
- He has a very bad temper.

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.

He is a very hands on dad but when he is angry he still does the above when the kids are present.

I have voiced out my feelings many times but he always repeats the mistakes and blames me for pissing him off so whatver actions he does when he is angry is somehow my fault?!


I want to leave but I know I will not have anyone support. I am not close with my mum and I do not really have friends. He was always my main person since we got together.

I just wanted ti rant and thank you if u managed to read it till this far. I have no one else to turn to.
 

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If u cannot educate him , educate yourself to be stronger. Some times man is strange the more u want to rectify the issue the more they escape.
 
there's nvr the right person, the right job, the right lifestyle, the right stuation....

it's how much a price u r willing to pay for ur option to change or staying put. opportunity cost, in short.

Your choice your consequence. life is abt choosing and shouldering the consequences.

u can choose your response. whether u want to be a sitting duck or u retaliate. it's how u can fit into that particular situation or u swallow the bitter pill and rant for the rest of your life. you are your own savior. your weakness makes him sick of u.

work hard and get what u lack. it's nvr too late.
 
We were together for many many years before marriage but maybe I was blinded and maybe I was scared no one else would want me and I would be a spinster.

We have young kids now (under 3).

He has done things that has made fell out of love with him. Granted he has not cheated but he has/is:
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ;
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); and
- He has a very bad temper.

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.

He is a very hands on dad but when he is angry he still does the above when the kids are present.

I have voiced out my feelings many times but he always repeats the mistakes and blames me for pissing him off so whatver actions he does when he is angry is somehow my fault?!


I want to leave but I know I will not have anyone support. I am not close with my mum and I do not really have friends. He was always my main person since we got together.

I just wanted ti rant and thank you if u managed to read it till this far. I have no one else to turn to.
We were together for many many years before marriage but maybe I was blinded and maybe I was scared no one else would want me and I would be a spinster.

We have young kids now (under 3).

He has done things that has made fell out of love with him. Granted he has not cheated but he has/is:
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ;
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); and
- He has a very bad temper.

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.

He is a very hands on dad but when he is angry he still does the above when the kids are present.

I have voiced out my feelings many times but he always repeats the mistakes and blames me for pissing him off so whatver actions he does when he is angry is somehow my fault?!


I want to leave but I know I will not have anyone support. I am not close with my mum and I do not really have friends. He was always my main person since we got together.

I just wanted ti rant and thank you if u managed to read it till this far. I have no one else to turn to.
I feel like I'm in the same situation as you
 
We were together for many many years before marriage but maybe I was blinded and maybe I was scared no one else would want me and I would be a spinster.

We have young kids now (under 3).

He has done things that has made fell out of love with him. Granted he has not cheated but he has/is:
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ;
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); and
- He has a very bad temper.

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.

He is a very hands on dad but when he is angry he still does the above when the kids are present.

I have voiced out my feelings many times but he always repeats the mistakes and blames me for pissing him off so whatever actions he does when he is angry is somehow my fault?!


I want to leave but I know I will not have anyone support. I am not close with my mum and I do not really have friends. He was always my main person since we got together.

I just wanted ti rant and thank you if u managed to read it till this far. I have no one else to turn to.

Well, people made mistakes.
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ; <- if it happened really long ago, can just remember it but don't dig out every time you are upset with him...
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); <- can give examples? After marriage, do you not consider his family to be part of your family too?
- He has a very bad temper. <- this one not that acceptable but is there contributing factor? Eg. Lack of sleep?

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.
These behaviours are not acceptable. He think himself as a young child? That will be how a young child reacts. What are your reactions when he engaged in those behaviours?
Do you get reactive? Do you call out his behaviour?
Like what others said, if this does not change, you may want to consider getting him to attend anger management courses. Then again, please find out what is the triggering factor - was it really your part? Maybe each time he gets angry, you can write down his actions and words, as well as the cause? Both parties strive to compromise to improve the situation.

Do voice out that it is not good to quarrel/argue in front of children (no matter the age), any unhappiness should settle with them out of sight and hearing. It is just respect for each other.
 
We were together for many many years before marriage but maybe I was blinded and maybe I was scared no one else would want me and I would be a spinster.

We have young kids now (under 3).

He has done things that has made fell out of love with him. Granted he has not cheated but he has/is:
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ;
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); and
- He has a very bad temper.

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.

He is a very hands on dad but when he is angry he still does the above when the kids are present.

I have voiced out my feelings many times but he always repeats the mistakes and blames me for pissing him off so whatver actions he does when he is angry is somehow my fault?!


I want to leave but I know I will not have anyone support. I am not close with my mum and I do not really have friends. He was always my main person since we got together.

I just wanted ti rant and thank you if u managed to read it till this far. I have no one else to turn
We were together for many many years before marriage but maybe I was blinded and maybe I was scared no one else would want me and I would be a spinster.

We have young kids now (under 3).

He has done things that has made fell out of love with him. Granted he has not cheated but he has/is:
- lied about his whereabouts (once) ;
- extremely stingy and calculative with me (but insanely generous with his family); and
- He has a very bad temper.

When he gets angry he would scream at me , insults me, throw chairs, bangs doors etc.

He is a very hands on dad but when he is angry he still does the above when the kids are present.

I have voiced out my feelings many times but he always repeats the mistakes and blames me for pissing him off so whatver actions he does when he is angry is somehow my fault?!


I want to leave but I know I will not have anyone support. I am not close with my mum and I do not really have friends. He was always my main person since we got together.

I just wanted ti rant and thank you if u managed to read it till this far. I have no one else to turn to.
I feel for you. I’m somehow in your situation before but I managed to grow stronger.
 

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