Old liao, no need fulfil sex life?

laoahboy

New Member
So it is after married for 13yrs with 2 kids, wife will generally be having low sex drive? To the extend that no need sex at all?
Is it wrong to tell her that I have unfulfilled sexual needs? She got angry, shot me that kind of WTF kind of look and said she dun owe me anything. C'mon, what I need is at least tell me u not free or then suggest to me I DIY or something. WTF got angry and quarrel with me into this bad situation?
My wife blames on having low iron level that causing her to not having any desire for sex.
I wanna do anything to her also cannot, say dun wan to dirty her. Gives me that irk look. Or anyway, is I do anything also will irk her?
FYI, I'm not the sitting down at home play game that kind of guy. I worked day time, helped my dad during the night time and come home also got do housework one.
 

laoahboy

New Member
Is it kind of fengshui thing? Like every yr, near Christmas, something bad will happen. Sure quarrel one. No bluff. Is really every time this time of yr. WTH,WTF. #facepalm
 

Stansy

Member
Perhaps, it might be good for both of you to take a short staycation to rejuvenate the courtship time... remember gals live to be pamper, attention given
 

laoahboy

New Member
Perhaps, it might be good for both of you to take a short staycation to rejuvenate the courtship time... remember gals live to be pamper, attention given
Well,we have. But it's not a long term solution. I'm not printing cash.

We'll only be good when we have enjoyable times?
 

myENV

New Member
Read :
What Can a Man in a Sexless Marriage Do About It ( by Rachael Pace)
marriage.com

Ask your wife to read also and have a heart to heart talk with her.
 

ruthie88

New Member
I second having a h2h talk with her first. Sometimes women are worn out by the daily grind of life (esp if she’s working full time) and sex may not be our chosen way of unwinding. She may honestly feel lack of energy due to low iron. There may be other matters weighing on her mind that she has not vocalised. Women may also underestimate the importance of sex to men (hence don’t take it personally).

I do think it’s a legit concern; hope that both of you can talk things out and reignite the passion. I’m sure u love ur wife for reasons more than just sex, make sure she knows that. Maybe she got angry because she felt like nothing more than a sex robot.. she is human and has needs too. Women are emotional... if u make the effort to bond with her emotionally, I think that the bedroom action will increase naturally :p

if all else fails and she doesn’t want to talk or share reasons why she doesn’t want sex, maybe you can just leave her be, and spend your time on other hobbies. Or go and exercise and work out... she may wonder why you have stopped initiating sex with her and it will get her attention after some time.
 

lovely0315

Active Member
Agree.. try to understand why she doesn't want sex.. also let her know your need, as a guy..

but you will not force her if she has her own reason... (could it be due to aging/pre-menopause/tired n need to grab more sleep etc?)

and go for exercise, stop asking her for it as she will only getting frustrated.. as mentioned by ruthie88, it will get her attention after some time..
 

Black Bunny

New Member
So it is after married for 13yrs with 2 kids, wife will generally be having low sex drive? To the extend that no need sex at all?
Is it wrong to tell her that I have unfulfilled sexual needs? She got angry, shot me that kind of WTF kind of look and said she dun owe me anything. C'mon, what I need is at least tell me u not free or then suggest to me I DIY or something. WTF got angry and quarrel with me into this bad situation?
My wife blames on having low iron level that causing her to not having any desire for sex.
I wanna do anything to her also cannot, say dun wan to dirty her. Gives me that irk look. Or anyway, is I do anything also will irk her?
FYI, I'm not the sitting down at home play game that kind of guy. I worked day time, helped my dad during the night time and come home also got do housework one.
Does she know that this constitutes as unreasonable behavior that qualifies for a divorce?
 

laoahboy

New Member
Somehow I thought women has higher sex drive when they are in their 30s? Looks like I'm wrong.

How many couples still have the "spark for one another after married for 10plus yrs and 2kids? Sex got still that kind of enjoyable mah? Cannot do this cannot do that,think this is dirty,that dirty. Omigosh... #facepalm. Not that I dun wan to create the spark,but the attention goes way more to the kids than to have a good couple time together,u know what I mean?

Kids are impt,but when the wife makes it her number 1,thats it loh,right? No matter what good things I do is just as per normal what I should provide. Whatever is wrong then is something to be pick up to fight over for.

I believe Love is a verb. When theres no action,it's just plain words. One in,one out...
 

laoahboy

New Member
Agree.. try to understand why she doesn't want sex.. also let her know your need, as a guy..

but you will not force her if she has her own reason... (could it be due to aging/pre-menopause/tired n need to grab more sleep etc?)

and go for exercise, stop asking her for it as she will only getting frustrated.. as mentioned by ruthie88, it will get her attention after some time..
Yah lah,I stopped asking for it liao. Dun know if she will notice it? Seriously,I doubt so. She dun even ask for it since like so long ago.
 

your_attorney

Active Member
I think it's not just sex life which needs to be fulfilled. If the whole head only thinks about sex and nothing else, something is also very wrong.

I think emotionally both needs to be connected. Sex comes as part of the process. If both are not connected at an emotional or mental level, I think it's hard to go on to sexual stage.

Communication is always key to a relationship, other "ingredients" like kindness, tolerance, etc will need to be present too. However this is the perspective of a woman.

Sadly, I think men only thinks about sex and not the rest of the "ingredients".
 

laoahboy

New Member
I think it's not just sex life which needs to be fulfilled. If the whole head only thinks about sex and nothing else, something is also very wrong.

I think emotionally both needs to be connected. Sex comes as part of the process. If both are not connected at an emotional or mental level, I think it's hard to go on to sexual stage.

Communication is always key to a relationship, other "ingredients" like kindness, tolerance, etc will need to be present too. However this is the perspective of a woman.

Sadly, I think men only thinks about sex and not the rest of the "ingredients".
Sadly,u are quite right that men thinks alot about sex. And sadly,women is opposite. Men and women bodies are different,sexual urges comes in different times. Eg. Women mostly feel wan to have sex when they are ovulating? But for men,there is a continuous production of sperm in our body that is pressing to come out. Thats the science of why men always think of sex.

I can safely say I have provided those ingredients that u mentioned but my wife is just not in the mood to cosy up and have sex. Then so how?
 

your_attorney

Active Member
Is your wife a working mummy? Is she a responsible worker? I think there is work pressure within her which she needs to meet.

Would be a good idea for you to go movies with her if there is a helper caring for the kids. If there is no helper, I can imagine there is a greater pressure on her, which is why she is not relaxed and is constantly in an uptight mode. If that's the case, how can you get a better love life?

Imagine why is it diff when you were dating with her/married without kids then? That's because there are ample of time, no responsibility, no pressure at work because if she lose her job she just need to look for one. Why is it different now? She has grown and she has aged, she knows she cannot be playful like previously as she is responsible to the kids/family.

Grow together with your wife. Talk to her regarding her topics - children, family, work, bring her out on meals or movies...things will improve.
 

laoahboy

New Member
Erm,she is working... But I'm the sole breadwinner. I do helped with the household chores too. U can see her sometimes just sit,having a drink and using her hp,while I'm washing the dishes,preparing sch stuffs for the kids the next day. How tough is her life?
U see why I'm complaining?

In any way,as time goes by,we are aging,I know. So thats why I'm wondering. So libido does down so much in the 30s?

Plus,if u see love as a verb,I'm sure things will be as great as before. U know what I mean?
 

your_attorney

Active Member
Communication is the key to spark any relationship.

I gather both of you are doing things separately such as she play her hp while you do others. I am not discounting your efforts as a good husband. I think you did great. But I am sure she also did something great you failed to see and likewise for her.

Just a suggestion, after finishing your "chores", you may like to sit with her to watch her fav drama together, drink and chit chat together, or play hp together. I think when you do things side by side, there is no need to 2nd guess whether she is cheating behind your back or perhaps she is just doing online shopping for clothes for children and herself?

In this age and era, technology has taken over human communication. Soon, our kids will forget how to communicate to each other face to face and prefer to communicate behind a device. I like it when my child says let's have a no gadgets day! When a person cannot do it, you know the person is addicted to mobile device and I do hope that the government realize there are people who are addicted to their gadgets and they need help as it is destroying their family. Don't allow tech to kill you.

Love is indeed both a noun and verb. When you think about love, you think about alot of things. When I think about love, I think about family (inclusive of my children).

Do you know what family means?
Father
And
Mother
I
Love
You
 
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