Need advice! Husband visited prostitutes weekly

Jamie1818

New Member
Hi
I discovered my husband cheated on me the 3rd time.
1st time many years ago: he said he go jogging at night , in end I discovered he went meet a girl at park from WeChat. I now suspect maybe they went hotel..

2nd time in year 2015:
He during lunch time met a maid on wechat
They went hotel for paid Sex

3rd time discovered on 18th Feb;
He went for paid sex about 20 times or more if I unravel more - prostitutes from WeChat

Do you think I can still forgive him?
He is not rich
Has a normal income..
He had OCD (a kind of perfectionist character and keep checking his car for chips and fine hair line cracks etc)
He spends on his car to beautify it and Ensure perfection.

Me also normal income.
We have two kids age 6 and 7.

He explained that he have
-Sex addiction which is a condition and he needed treatment which we went to the doctor just 2 days ago..
He is taking medicine to curb his sex addiction behaviour..

He explained also that I am always busy and didn't want to engage in sexual intimacy with him. (We didn't have for about 1 +month)
But we constantly quarrel so I had no mood to sex with him.. Even so, in November December I do remembering having sex with him.. Why did he still go for paid sex then..

I am devastated as we also just bought a new house and everything seemed perfect with our two children...

What can I do?
I promised him I will have sex with him when he needs. Is this enough to curb him from going outside for paid sex?

Today I realise that his sex transactions increased to about 20 girls ranging from Vietnamese , China, Indonesian. Although I said forgive when he declared only 3 sex partners but I can't forgive at all now when the numbers grow to 20...
What should I do?

Should I forgive him?
Try to forget which is difficult
Or
Should I leave him so I won't get hurt anymore?
 

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I think individual will act differently in your situation.

For myself, I will NEVER forgive my hubby if I found out he engaged prostitute outside, especially not only ONE time

I think his condition is 'out of control' already. Medicine won't help as this is with his mentality. Even if you have sex with him weekly, I guess he will still find prostitute as its sort of 'addiction' already.

2 Option for you though.
1) Open one eye, close one eye. But for the safety of yourself and kids, DO NOT engage any sexual activity with him at all. For safety, after a window period of 3 months, go have a check on sex disease as well....
2) Divorce

If I'm you, I for sure will choose option 2. Moreover, kids are old enough already.
 
Hi Jamie1818.. Im sorry to hear about what you are going through.. It must really hurt. Like JL8118 said, everyone will react differently - at the end of the day, u have to make the choice on ur own. But if it happened to me, i would choose divorce as well. I know it is easier said than done. There are so many things to consider.. Like ur children most importantly, ur fear of being alone after the divorce, the sense of comfort u have from being ard him for so long, etc.

But noone deserves to be treated like that. If u give in to him, he will take it for granted and it's just a matter of time before he does it again. Do u want to live being suspicious all the time?

From personal experience, even if he begs u to give him another chance, there is no guarantee he will change. A leopard never changes its spots. If u really want to salvage the marriage, perhaps talk to a marriage counsellor or a therapist? Stay strong.. ❤
 
Wah. I think he is overboard and should see if he can get rid of his sex addiction after seeking treatment. It’s also risky to have unprotected sex with those girls who knows they might have aids.
I cannot take it if my hubby have sex with other ladies even once let alone he has been cheated on you all this years!
Sorry that this had happened to you.
For your piece of mind maybe you should get your hubby to go and check if he dont have aids or other sex disease
 
Dear all
Thanks for concern and advice

Yes he have went for AIDS/ syphilis test and also other STDs test
We spent close to $400 for the test
Luckily all passed. No issue
But there are some sex transactions which he made on 13th Feb which still have not passed the window period meaning the diseases might not be captured in the test yet
We will have to repeat test again after 13th March to be sure he does not have any STDs.

But stupid me, actually already had sex with him several times after this discovery
Partly because I felt I need to Sex with him to curb his "outside sexual behaviours"
I also don't know if I will contract and disease but I just love him very much and thought even so if I am tested positive with him, I am ok too
I know it sounds just crazy.. Haiz..

Hopefully he really will change after this time round
If he doesn't, I think I won't ever forgive him again
Because I know he no longer love me
A man who truely love me won't subject me to such pain and hurt
 
Dear all
Thanks for concern and advice

Yes he have went for AIDS/ syphilis test and also other STDs test
We spent close to $400 for the test
Luckily all passed. No issue
But there are some sex transactions which he made on 13th Feb which still have not passed the window period meaning the diseases might not be captured in the test yet
We will have to repeat test again after 13th March to be sure he does not have any STDs.

But stupid me, actually already had sex with him several times after this discovery
Partly because I felt I need to Sex with him to curb his "outside sexual behaviours"
I also don't know if I will contract and disease but I just love him very much and thought even so if I am tested positive with him, I am ok too
I know it sounds just crazy.. Haiz..

Hopefully he really will change after this time round
If he doesn't, I think I won't ever forgive him again
Because I know he no longer love me
A man who truely love me won't subject me to such pain and hurt
Hi Jamie, my sharing thoughts. You let your husband know. If he want to do such things anymore. Think about it, is it ok with him that you keep doing with other men?
 
Thanks all for advice
Everyday I am crying..
Becos I keep thinking of the times I on leave and I cooking for him while waiting for him to come home
Or
Times when I busy working or doing Christmas shopping for the kids etc
All this times , he in hotel with other gals
So sad

Now he say he is wrong and he will totally amend
I want to salvage the marriage but I am so afraid of the past and current. Not sure when he will cheat on me.. I become very paranoid when he goes work that day and did not pick up phone for 10 mins
 
If you want to give him one more chance then you have to try your best to trust him again ba else how you go on with your life..

Is really suffer to keep thinking what he is doing, where is he now etc...

Mm.. if he don mind and if he really want to change, will he allow u to install gps in his phone for u to trace where is he?

He should understand why u want to do so ba..
 
Yes
He willing to install gps + pass all his finances to me..
But not sure this will last how Long.
Maybe awhile later he won't do it anymore
 
This is really the last chance I Guess
After which I will serve lawyer letters and won't think again
It's too draining to keep thinking of all this
 
Just a thing to note.

If you know for a fact he have been going for paid sex and you lived with it, it cannot be used as a reason for divorce in future after ongoing for 6 months.

For now, I advise both of you talk it out and agree to go for periodic STI checks.
 
Hi FCD,
If forgive him with the condition he never go for such.. Subsequently if he recurs the habit, can I use this as reason for divorce?
 
Thanks all for advice
Everyday I am crying..
Becos I keep thinking of the times I on leave and I cooking for him while waiting for him to come home
Or
Times when I busy working or doing Christmas shopping for the kids etc
All this times , he in hotel with other gals
So sad

Now he say he is wrong and he will totally amend
I want to salvage the marriage but I am so afraid of the past and current. Not sure when he will cheat on me.. I become very paranoid when he goes work that day and did not pick up phone for 10 mins
Sorry to hear what you going thru. In order to reconcile, trust need to be built but that takes time. You will have to constantly counsel & talk to him that you care(provided you want to reconcile this marriage). Likewise, you might want to consider bringing him for professional marriage counseling.
Last but not least, sometimes, men will get tired of having sex with the same woman over & over again, so for some, they will tend to hunt for new playground. So I would suggest that one of the way is to improve yr sex life with yr hubby, example role plays etc..
I wish you good luck.
 
Mm, do you want to elaborate more?
She work really hard because I am unable to find a job currently to earn as much as she does. When she come home she will say that she feels tired. When I go out, she will not ask where I go and go with she. She will just say, please meet up with my friends more. And she seldom talk to me about her stress. Being couple, shouldn't we find way to talk to each other to make one another love earn other more?
 
My husband is a primary school PE teacher who visited brothels and had an affair with a Thai prostitute. Initially he told me that he wanted a divorce cos he had fallen in love with a Thai shop assistant. He left us without informing. When he left us, I had a kid who was taking PSLE exam and another kid who just entered primary one. I engaged a PI and discovered he was actually having an affair with a prostitute. After going through a lot with the legal documents that he wronged and accused me, I decided to end the marriage. My three kids cannot have a Father like him who actually told them he was having an affair. I would say he had not done anything to show he loves his kids. He tried very hard to reduce the kid maintenance and want a higher percentage of the house. A man who had a
Family visited a brothel is not a gentleman anymore. The relationship is too strained and i cannot love him anymore as the respect and trust are gone. He has caused me to lock up in the police station . I missed 2 night sleeps and many meals. I lost 15 kg due to this ordeal. I also want to give my kids a complete home but I realised certain things just cannot happen and I have to accept him . My kids and I can live happily without him after all.
 
Your not jealous about him visiting the prostitutes? That's crazy! You want to tell us that all his life he was visiting them and you just accepted it?:oops:
dont bother with this person.
he posted a few posting. one claim she is 15 years old another claims he is a man.
this is just a troll. ignore
 
Yup. This is one of his posting
509212a4940f5822ee72d98296801376.jpg
 

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