My Girl Refuse to go Playgroup!


New Member
Hihi dear mummies,

My girl is now 20mths and i have signed her up for a playgroup sessionn. Her first day was a bad start as we were told to leave the room. She was traumatied. Now .. its been a week and she refuse to attend the sessions. Anyone can advise?
Did i start her too early?

I bring her out during the weekends and she is not afraid of stangers. But when people visit us, she will cry and hide and want me to carry her. She is a bit shy in nature. I really dun know what to do? I sign her up for the sessions because i do not want her to crop at home while i work. (i leave her with my mil) but it proves to be stressing for her to attend.

Any mummies have the same problem? If you have soultions, do enligten me.. i need help!

Hi Mama Yen

Is she bullied? My son too showed same behaviour but he kept saying Jie Jie beat him and pushed him. Jie Jie said don't want him in her class. His teacher said there was a student who bullied him since last Thursday.
Mama Yen,
It is natural for a child so young to be afraid when left alone in the playgroup. It will take them some time to understand that mommy will definitely come back to bring them home.

When my girl was 20 months, we stayed with her in the class, throughout the whole 2 hours, for one whole month, and she still will not stop crying when we leave. We pulled her out from the school. We tried to put her again when she was 30 months old. This time after 1 month of crying, she was OK.

It's up to you whether you can bear to let her cry. Usually after crying for 1 - 2 months it will be OK. But I have seen kids crying for a few months. You may want to pull her out and try again when she is older.
Hi Hwey
I m not so sure if she is being bullied as the playgroup did not have any windows for me to take a peek..hehe..But she did say "Kor Kor beat beat".. i wonder why too..Maybe someone pushed her in class..

Hi tamarind,
My girl still do not want to go playgroup and the teachers actually called to asked me to bring her in without wearing the uniform. and let her settle down for this week and see how before withdrawing from the class... i m stressed yet again... Maybe i should start later.. i totally agree with u to pull her out...
mama yen, my boy started his playgroup last month mid Dec when he was 19m. He just loves it n refuses to come back. Totally opposite from your girl. He takes school bus to n fro himself. Maybe she is really being bullied. U might wan to go to her class to check out.
my gal just started to go for playgroup too...
i noticed that after she came back from sch, she start to push her sis/slap her sis...
i was just tinking is tis wat she saw in the class?

went to sch today and heard frm other parents saying that there's a few boys/gals very fierce in class
It is certainly bad influence from the playgroup. The child doesn't always learn good things from school. But it depends on the teacher whether she can keep all the children under control.

Sally Ng,
You are lucky to have a boy like that. Not all kids are like your boy. I have seen so many kids crying, even in my girl's nursery class when they are already 4 years old.
tamarind, I think cos my boy too lonely at home.... onli me to face with 24hours every day..... no one else....... hence cant wait to get out of the house to play.....
Sally Ng,
I think it's your boy's character, he is naturally sociable.

My girl is very very shy. She was the only child at home for the first 18 months until her younger brother is born. At that age, she does not like to play with other kids.

Every child is born with a different character. I used to think that environment makes a big difference to a child's character, but if she is naturally shy it is very difficult to change her.
tamarind, I hope he will not turn shy as he grows older..... if not, headache when he goes to kindy n pr school.
haha your area so far, dun noe which ones good? But if I m staying your area, I will surely put my boy with Josiah Montessori. Depend on which kind u looking for. I put him in Montessori for start cos to train him to be independent.
Hi mamayen,

My elder gal is also like your daughter. I sent her to playgroup when she is 27 months old. I knew i will have a problem from the start cos she's shy in nature. even the weekly sunday school - she needs us to be around her thou she has been attending the class since 4 months old.

Anyway it took her almost two months to adapt to the playgroup. I reckon your daughter may have got frighten from the first day. My gal's playgroup allows parents to accompany them in class for the first week to let the children get familair with the environment, teachers and other children. The next week, they actually discourage parents from joining so that the children will learn... some crying is inevidable, the teachers said, they will cope with it.

Anyway to cut the story short, my daughter was in the playgroup for one year but any time we asked her if she wants to go to school, her answer will be no..........

I sent her to a Montessori scool this year (she's 3) and she has to take school bus. I also expect the same struggles so i accompany her to school and sat in the class with her for almost three days and took the school bus with her too. Fourth day onwards, i leave in the middle of the class and she has to take the school bus back on her own. That goes on for two days. And all these time, we told her that she's a big gal already, cannot cry, daddy and mummy will always be there when she reach home etc.... and after 1.5 weeks, she is indepenednt and take school bus to and fro on her own. I am so proud of her.
She also enjoyed school and when i tease her if she needs to go to school on a sat, she said yes. When i told her no, she asked why, why not.......
My mother said that she read an article in the newspaper about very young children left to cry in childcare centres or schools. Child psychiatrists said that they will develop this feeling that they were being abandoned by their parents, and no one cared about them. They will stop crying after some time. But when they grow up, their character may become very insecure and extreme.
i also faced the same problem. sent my 20 mth boy to school since 3 jan. till date, he still cries when gg to school. every morning he will cry and cling on to me. he has also lost a lot of weight. My parents and in laws kept nagging me and i finally gave up, withdraw him from montessori.
hi, im jenny,

Glad to hear that im not alone in this. My 14mth Benjamin don really like to mix with other children. I bought hem to kindermusic, and he would cry, or refuse to join in the grp activities...sigh...i hope that he would outgrow this...
Hi all,

may i just asked what schools/playgrp do u actually sign up to?? for 18mths & above..

i have been looking aroung, but having trouble seeing which is good/bad.....

looking at those who have half day prog...

any recommandations?

Just to share my experience, I had tried to sent my boy to CC when is was 30mths old, and expected he cried and refuse to go. To cut the story short, we withdraw him after a week. Now he is in nursery (3yrs) since 3rd Jan, and he is okay with it. I think it is more of a case of the child readiness. No point forcing if the child not ready for it unless the parents don't have other choices.
I totally agree with you. Different children will be ready at different ages, it will be very traumatic to the child if he/she is not ready.
Hi all,

I am also facing the same problem. My girl (coming to 20 mths) had been really restless at home with my parents, constantly pestering them to bring her out, let her eat, or watch TV. One day, when bringing her to the park, my parents went to peep into the playgroup - and she dashed in immediately to play with the toys.

We finally decided to enroll her in the playschool. She was ok for the first 2 days, when my parents were inside the room for a short while. But on the third day when my dad left the room, I understood that she was bawling away. Very poor thing - sobbing all the way back home, and even when she was sleeping.

She is in her 5th day in playschool and she is still bawling almost throughout the 2 hrs lessons.

I don't think it was the little kids who were bullying her, since they are all quite young, and quietly kept to themselves.

I really wonder if I should take her out from the class? If not, are there any ways to entice her to stay in the room and happily play with the kids? Actually, she is even refusing to attend the weekened Shichida lessons (where I attend together with her). She insists on getting out of the class once she gets into the room.
Hi mama yen
my daughter is now 22 months. she is also afraid of strangers and will cry whenever she see unfamiliar faces or anyone she never seen comes to our house. i enrol her into tumble tot for a trial session for 45 minutes but we had to leave 15 minutes b4 the lesson ends bcos my gal is crying non-stop. could be she is tired or hungry or afraid. i tot of enrolling her for some other classes but afraid that she refuse to attend
Just to share...

My son (going to be 25 months) has been in the playgroup for since the start of term 2 (after the march hols). I brought him for a trial session during the mar hols and he was perfectly fine and I even left him with the tr for 15 minutes (there were no other children as it was hols).

However, when the actual school term starts, he din allow us to leave... We had just to sneak out or tell him we had to go to the toilet, but once we start to move away from his sight, he would start crying. Even the tr cant calm him down. We din wanna let him cry for more than half an hour as he has a hole in the heart. He is a persistant boy and would cry non stop... So my poor MIL has been with him throughout this one month plus. She would come back and tell me what the teacher is teaching and ask me to reinforce

I have spoken to the teacher b4 and we all agreed that its a growing phase that the little ones has to grow through.

I took leave to take care of him this week as my MIL has to take care of my SIL who had just given birth. Well, its actually nice to see what they do throughout the 2 hours. I learnt the songs that they sing everyday and get to coach him to complete his worksheet... It has been a very nice bonding time but sure hope he will learn to be brave and independent soon...
personally I think kids should not start pre-school until they are ready

my elder girl started her childcare at 2 years old because I delivered another baby. The first few months she refused to wear her uniform & will always cry before leaving for school. every morning is a struggle. although she settled down eventually because she had no choice, there may be some traumatic effect on her well being as she became quite bad tempered and like to throw tantrums and bully her younger sister. I withdraw her eventually when I noticed her mood swing after a quarrel with her best friend in childcare.

whereas my younger girl I home school her. we only sent her to Shichida once a week since she was 17 months old. She is not resistant to school at all since it's parent accompanied. Now at 3 years old, she nagged me to send her to daily school because she saw her elder sis attending kindergarten and many enrichments, so she felt that attending school is fun

I started sending her to Chinese enrichment recently, once a week session. only 4 kids in the class. she is alright from day 1, enjoying her new found independence. there's no separation anxiety at all because she is ready. I will start her on nursery next year

if the child is not ready, better to withdraw her and try again later.

Like to share my story and hopefully someone can give advice.
My boy is 3 yrs old and has been attending a playgroup since last year Sept when he was 30 mths old. He enjoy it very much and always looks forward to it. Even the teachers commented that he was very cheerful and never fuss in class.
However, 3 weeks ago, he slip and fell in school. It was quite a bad fall as he hit the back of his head and had a bump. Luckily he was ok. Thereafter, he went back to school the next 2 days. But on the 2nd day, he started to cry out of the blue during the midst of class. When we ask him why, he just said that he was scared. I think he remembers the fall and was terrified to go to school. Since then, he refuse to go to school anymore. I have tried all ways and means to persuade him but to no avail.
Concidentally, I just delivered to a baby and is currently on maternity leave.
I'm not sure if he refuse to go to school because of the fall, or he's seeking my attention due to the presence of the baby.
I'm really at my wits end and just have to let him be.
Hi All Mummies,

Glad to have all of you here to share... so i m not alone ya. My girl is now 24months and i hope to enrol her for weekend playgroup. I hope she can be socially ready for her next nursery or school.

Hi Hippo2002,
I totally agree that it was a struggle to sent my child to child care.. i withdraw her out after trying for 2 weeks. Same reason as mentioned. My girl mood change and she cry more easily than before.

Just want to tell all mummies that though we have met many obstacles/probs especially "child rearing"..hehehe.. we are not alone. One day when we are old and look back. we might just have a good laugh... I will do that...

Cheers, Mama Yen
I am so happy to see this thread.

My 12months old girl was nv shy to strangers when she was 4/5 months old. But after an illness ard 6/6th month, she seemed scared at certain times with certain strangers.

She also don't react that much to babies/toddlers as what she used to do.

We are worried if this is normal.

At home she is like a phonenix but outside she is a worm and cling to us.

We tot enrolling her to those classes that require parent accompaniment is great as she can socialize with others while I am keeping watch with her and play with her as well. Yet, during the first lesson, she was very cranky and refused to come down to the mat to play.

Wonder, would baby really come to a stage where their fear would cease and be able to enjoy accompaniment again.
HI all,

I enrolled my girl when she was 20 mths old to playgroup but she kept falling sick every week and cried there almost the whole 4 hours every day. At night, she even had nightmares sometimes and she sulks every morning when she puts on her uniform. Previously, she will happily walk to the lift to go to my in laws place in the morning but now she refused to walk - insist on me carrying her to the lift and to school. After 3 weeks of this and her being sick every week, my husband withdrew her from school. I guess she's probably not ready for school - her immune system also not strong enough I guess.

I think really depends on each individual kid. My girl is not shy at all, she's very sociable but the fact of leaving her alone in school - I think she feels abandoned, so it really affected her emotionally. Now that we have stopped school, she's back to her cheerful happy self again.

I think maybe I was too anxious to bring her to school. Probably try again when she's older.
one of my relative's dd was also lidat, fell sick v often when she was in playgrp...she also withdrw her frm sch, enrol her for next yr class..
hi mummies,
i face the same prob as u.

my son is turning 3 this july.I sent him to wkend playgroup when he was 1yr++.Things were going pretty fine though he was shy in the class.But we stopped him for abt a yr bcoz he fell sick quite often.

a mth ago,we sent him bk to the wkend playgrounp.He was very resistant for the 1st lesson but at least we managed to go thru the 1hr class.

But then, he refused to go in for the subsequent 3 lessons!!!

He was crying & kicking at the reception area.And he refused to go into the classroom.When I carried him into the classroom,he was crying badly & kicking till the stage it was out of controled.

I reali feel helpless & we decided to withdraw fr. the class.

Any mummies share the same experiences as me?How do u overcome?

He even refuses to tak any form of public tranport.
hi avacado!
My girl is 2years and 3 months old.
I don't have this experience but I see many cases as u said and her teachers hadled it quite nicely. my girl also cried when she started school at 21months age. she is going at bek learning at blk 32 near bedok mrt.
if u want u can try out.
it is really nice school.
Hi mummies

I am also facing the same problem. My gal is now 23 months old. When she was 1 year, she had started going to the enrichment class at GUG. She was alright till they change the venue which is more crowded and smaller classroom. She cried and do not want to go into the classroom. And since then, she cried and cried even when seeing doctor and can even recognise the lift. We had since pulled her out from the class and she is much happier now. If you ask her want to go school, her answer is 'no need'.

I agree with tamarind, not to force them now till they are ready.
Hi Mommies

I viewd some topics on pre-schooling. I wish to know comment frm school Katong MMI and Learning seeds at Katong Mall.
Notice that Mummy Petie-Chase, Case 123 and Liew Lian S were looking for that schools few mths ago.
Can share some comment?
Hi, I notice that this thread has stopped. But now I'm facing the same problem.

My 5 years old girl suddenly refuse to go to school and keep crying. During nursey she is ok and for the month of January 2010 she is ok too. Don know why after chinese new year back to school, she become afraid.

When you ask her she said she is shy to go in. Ask her why shy she said don know.

The amazing part is when at home when you ask her ready to go school, she said yes. When we go down, she started to cry.

Anyone out there encounter this problem. Please help.
Sent my girl to 2-hours PCF pre-nursery or playgroup in July this year when she is 34 months old. She cried the moment she saw the school, vomited all over her uniform and shoes daily. We finally pulled her out of school after 2 months.

When anyone asked her whether she wants to attend school, her answer is always NO!

We think she is not ready for school yet, probably will try next year.
I started enrolling my son in Zoophonics when he was 17m. First 2-3 weeks , he also cried and refused to stay in class , kept grabbing me and my caretaker.
But after the 4th week, we started seeing him enjoying the playgroup and start to pay attention and mix with other kids.
Now he enjoy so much that he even dashed into the classroom door when we reach the school.
just recently enrolled my son in mindchamp read and write class... hopefully my son will benefit and enjoy with the class... i pull him out of childcare ... because always crying....