Motherhood Life - sucks..
- Thread starter jose
- Start date
Hi ladies,
I am with Joanne too. Like her, have a schooling son too. For him, me and hubby wants ensure he is in good hands. Before 3, we had actually stayed with my parents as we worked late into the nights, many times I cried that I want to resign to stay at home to takecare of him for I have missed some of his first time even though we see him everynight. Each night come back home eat, bathe and try my very best to play with him. I totally do not much TV time and fren's time. I am willing to give up all these in exchange for his company so much that I keep him awake until 11pm+. After age of 3, we decided to shift back to our own place so that we can be more hands on to do things for him. We woke up early to prepare him and to get out of our house by 700Hrs to his childcare near my parents' place. Then again my hubby needs to drive each day to work with 1.5hr in the car with all the jams from the north to the south part of singapore, tired from driving, yet need to begins his day. Though we did ask ourselves why we want to torture/streatch ourelevs so much. But since our son well-being is is the priority we bite on. We did not regret with our decision as we always believe we our child is our responsibilities, we created him and we are responsibile for how he is grown up to be.
Now he is schooling, we actually shifted-in to stay with my in-law's on weekdays so that the sch bus can pick and drop him. With this arrangement 3 of us needs to be packed into a bedroom to stay together, for we cannot take it to be just a weekend parents. Ended up, I only get back home 2 hours later even if I leave on the dot! Thanks to our public transport system. I am now like more 13 hours away from home. TV time is totally out-of the scope for me. To me I am still feeling I have not been doing enough for my son. After dinner I try to bring my son out for a short walk to have some bonding time together. I long to be by his side as long as he still wants me to. I was told children would one day out grown and do not want your accompany.
FYI, I had a diffcult pregnancy just to have him, threaten miscarriage and required bedrest for the pregnancy. When he is born prematurely he is unable to breathe in the normal environment. We prayed hard he would pulled through and he did. After this, he got high jaudice that the doc warn us they might affect his earring and eyesight and wants us to cheak when he is older. Thank god his is ok. You can say that coz' I had diffcult pregnancy and hence I treasure him so much. But it is a life we are talking about and he is our son. I prayhard for him to be healthy, happy and having an enjoyable childhood.
But like Joanne, I too have been trying hard for last 5 years and longing to have another sibling for my son.I feel sad when I saw him playing alone by himself and we are too occupied with housework etc. I do hope my dream would come true soon to have another baby to cradle in my arms and to nuture the kid.
Personally I think it is about choices in life as what you want to have and priority, if you really think freedom is so much important and $$ not a problem, then go ahead and get nanny/maid and chase for your so-called freedom and time. But then you need to scarfice the bond time that you have with you child. You reaped the seeds that you have sowed. Whatever decision you made, please do not hurt them indirectly for they are young and innocent.
Childhood years passed by fast, so please treasure the time you have with them.
I am with Joanne too. Like her, have a schooling son too. For him, me and hubby wants ensure he is in good hands. Before 3, we had actually stayed with my parents as we worked late into the nights, many times I cried that I want to resign to stay at home to takecare of him for I have missed some of his first time even though we see him everynight. Each night come back home eat, bathe and try my very best to play with him. I totally do not much TV time and fren's time. I am willing to give up all these in exchange for his company so much that I keep him awake until 11pm+. After age of 3, we decided to shift back to our own place so that we can be more hands on to do things for him. We woke up early to prepare him and to get out of our house by 700Hrs to his childcare near my parents' place. Then again my hubby needs to drive each day to work with 1.5hr in the car with all the jams from the north to the south part of singapore, tired from driving, yet need to begins his day. Though we did ask ourselves why we want to torture/streatch ourelevs so much. But since our son well-being is is the priority we bite on. We did not regret with our decision as we always believe we our child is our responsibilities, we created him and we are responsibile for how he is grown up to be.
Now he is schooling, we actually shifted-in to stay with my in-law's on weekdays so that the sch bus can pick and drop him. With this arrangement 3 of us needs to be packed into a bedroom to stay together, for we cannot take it to be just a weekend parents. Ended up, I only get back home 2 hours later even if I leave on the dot! Thanks to our public transport system. I am now like more 13 hours away from home. TV time is totally out-of the scope for me. To me I am still feeling I have not been doing enough for my son. After dinner I try to bring my son out for a short walk to have some bonding time together. I long to be by his side as long as he still wants me to. I was told children would one day out grown and do not want your accompany.
FYI, I had a diffcult pregnancy just to have him, threaten miscarriage and required bedrest for the pregnancy. When he is born prematurely he is unable to breathe in the normal environment. We prayed hard he would pulled through and he did. After this, he got high jaudice that the doc warn us they might affect his earring and eyesight and wants us to cheak when he is older. Thank god his is ok. You can say that coz' I had diffcult pregnancy and hence I treasure him so much. But it is a life we are talking about and he is our son. I prayhard for him to be healthy, happy and having an enjoyable childhood.
But like Joanne, I too have been trying hard for last 5 years and longing to have another sibling for my son.I feel sad when I saw him playing alone by himself and we are too occupied with housework etc. I do hope my dream would come true soon to have another baby to cradle in my arms and to nuture the kid.
Personally I think it is about choices in life as what you want to have and priority, if you really think freedom is so much important and $$ not a problem, then go ahead and get nanny/maid and chase for your so-called freedom and time. But then you need to scarfice the bond time that you have with you child. You reaped the seeds that you have sowed. Whatever decision you made, please do not hurt them indirectly for they are young and innocent.
Childhood years passed by fast, so please treasure the time you have with them.
Yes agree with wht ohazz say. Kids will not stick with you when they grown up if you dun create the bond with them now. If you feel freedom is more important than ur bb now and rather try not to spend time with them. Next time when ur kid is older, please dun regret and upset that why your kids dun want to be with you and rather be with their friends.. If you are not ready to be mummy and still want to enjoy singlehood life, then please dun plan for pregnancy or give birth to them. Is really unfair for them since bb are innocent.. Moreover, all this little sacrifice is nothing when you have a healthy baby. There are many more unfortunate mummy who have a not healthy bb and had to quit their job to take care of them full time, but do they regret giving birth to them? Aren't u more fortunate than them? So please don complain anymore... Be a matured and responsible mummy please.
Joanne & Ohohjazz,
I believe different people have different view and approach on things and even kids. Eventhough some of them are in a way complaining here, it is only a venue of letting out the steam and tat do not mean that they love their kids any lesser than you or us. so dun take it too hard.
Do take care and dun over stress yourself on your trying of no. 2. coz stress dun help de....and wish that you will hv no. 2 soon.
fyi, i also trying for no.2 now, coz i am gng 35 this yr + i dun wan my kids age gap to be too huge.
I believe different people have different view and approach on things and even kids. Eventhough some of them are in a way complaining here, it is only a venue of letting out the steam and tat do not mean that they love their kids any lesser than you or us. so dun take it too hard.
Do take care and dun over stress yourself on your trying of no. 2. coz stress dun help de....and wish that you will hv no. 2 soon.
fyi, i also trying for no.2 now, coz i am gng 35 this yr + i dun wan my kids age gap to be too huge.
Hi Diana
i understand what you and others mean. But before they get piss off over little thing, they should think that some mummy sacrifice more than them especially for mummy who give birth to unhealthy child. I am jus trying to tell them to think positive.. Dun 生在福中不知福。。if they think positive and know that more pp are more worst than them then it will be easier for them to know that their sacrifice being a mother is nothing at all.. Easier for them to accept the fact too...
i understand what you and others mean. But before they get piss off over little thing, they should think that some mummy sacrifice more than them especially for mummy who give birth to unhealthy child. I am jus trying to tell them to think positive.. Dun 生在福中不知福。。if they think positive and know that more pp are more worst than them then it will be easier for them to know that their sacrifice being a mother is nothing at all.. Easier for them to accept the fact too...
Joanne,
No worries, i believe they also understand tat they are already more bless than the others mother who have unhealthy child...but at times it is better that they have a venue to let off the steam than start to put the blame on the child rite.....
u know some people juz like to complain to let it off their chest but usually they are those who are harmless and will nv bear grudges and they usually do love their child dearly de...
i believe in input and output tat is if u r taking lot of shit or under lot of stress, then u hv to hv a place to 'shout' all out to balance up.
for me, i worry more for those who nv say or complain anyting tat is only input and no output....this are the type tat when they explode, the result can be terrifying...
No worries, i believe they also understand tat they are already more bless than the others mother who have unhealthy child...but at times it is better that they have a venue to let off the steam than start to put the blame on the child rite.....
u know some people juz like to complain to let it off their chest but usually they are those who are harmless and will nv bear grudges and they usually do love their child dearly de...
i believe in input and output tat is if u r taking lot of shit or under lot of stress, then u hv to hv a place to 'shout' all out to balance up.
for me, i worry more for those who nv say or complain anyting tat is only input and no output....this are the type tat when they explode, the result can be terrifying...
Hi Diana
i already say understand what you gals mean. I dont mean anything negative. Am sending such a long post is just to asks them see the positive, hoping that will make their daily life spend easier especially when know that it is time to go home, you wont feel the dread to go home see your bb. You should feel happy instead of the negative.
i already say understand what you gals mean. I dont mean anything negative. Am sending such a long post is just to asks them see the positive, hoping that will make their daily life spend easier especially when know that it is time to go home, you wont feel the dread to go home see your bb. You should feel happy instead of the negative.
Each time when someone asks me how’s motherhood, my standard reply is “it is a love-hate relationship”. Which is the truth. On days you love them to bits and on days they just drive you nuts.
I went through a miscarriage years ago for my first pregnancy and the months that followed that incident were tormenting. So I understand why the extreme reaction from some of the forumers here. It irks me to know that people are going for abortion and pains me to see others getting pregnant. At that point in time the only thing in my mind was to have a baby and each month I cried when my menses came.
When I finally had my baby, the first year was crazy. I was sleep deprived, my relationship with my MIL went to the pits-bottom and I asked why I had to invite trouble by having a kid. My life took a complete change.
What I am trying to say is that the grass is always greener on the other side. The view is definitely different when 2 persons are standing on opposite shores. There is no right or wrong just that it isn’t easy to appreciate the other person’s view until one has been on the other side.
Jose is not entirely wrong when she said that the pictures in the magazines are only false illusions but she is not entirely right either. There are times when you probably get that picture-perfect moments but the reality is that it doesn’t happen always. We should be positive but not unrealistically positive either. We should come to terms that that there are good times and bad times in everything. Just because we quarrel with our husbands doesn’t mean that the marriage is heading towards a divorce. Having ill-feelings about having a child in the first place doesn’t mean the love for the child isn’t there because the negative feelings are due to the circumstances and not because of the person. We are only human beings. We are always on an emotional roller coaster ride.
I know that someone might bombard me for saying this but I always believe that if a person only talks about how wonderful parenthood is and nothing bad comes out, he or she isn’t telling the whole truth.
I believe that Jose’s complaint about losing freedom stems from the fact that she is seeing a lifestyle change because of the child but her husband’s life hasn’t been affected much. The imbalance is making her berserk. Don’t get me started on this topic because I can write a book about it and I am sure a lot of mummies out there will say the same. I worked out in my 5 years of motherhood that when you know that you have someone suffering together with you it actually makes you feel better about being stuck in the rut.
I went through a miscarriage years ago for my first pregnancy and the months that followed that incident were tormenting. So I understand why the extreme reaction from some of the forumers here. It irks me to know that people are going for abortion and pains me to see others getting pregnant. At that point in time the only thing in my mind was to have a baby and each month I cried when my menses came.
When I finally had my baby, the first year was crazy. I was sleep deprived, my relationship with my MIL went to the pits-bottom and I asked why I had to invite trouble by having a kid. My life took a complete change.
What I am trying to say is that the grass is always greener on the other side. The view is definitely different when 2 persons are standing on opposite shores. There is no right or wrong just that it isn’t easy to appreciate the other person’s view until one has been on the other side.
Jose is not entirely wrong when she said that the pictures in the magazines are only false illusions but she is not entirely right either. There are times when you probably get that picture-perfect moments but the reality is that it doesn’t happen always. We should be positive but not unrealistically positive either. We should come to terms that that there are good times and bad times in everything. Just because we quarrel with our husbands doesn’t mean that the marriage is heading towards a divorce. Having ill-feelings about having a child in the first place doesn’t mean the love for the child isn’t there because the negative feelings are due to the circumstances and not because of the person. We are only human beings. We are always on an emotional roller coaster ride.
I know that someone might bombard me for saying this but I always believe that if a person only talks about how wonderful parenthood is and nothing bad comes out, he or she isn’t telling the whole truth.
I believe that Jose’s complaint about losing freedom stems from the fact that she is seeing a lifestyle change because of the child but her husband’s life hasn’t been affected much. The imbalance is making her berserk. Don’t get me started on this topic because I can write a book about it and I am sure a lot of mummies out there will say the same. I worked out in my 5 years of motherhood that when you know that you have someone suffering together with you it actually makes you feel better about being stuck in the rut.
scrumpee01
Member
Odie
Well said. Motherhood has its ups and downs and its perfectly all right for mothers to whine and let it out. By doing so, it does not mean that they do not love their child but just need an avenue to let out the steam and not bottle it up and end up in depression or abusing their kids.
I am sure mothers like Jose, Tasha will do anything to save their babies if they are in danger.
Well said. Motherhood has its ups and downs and its perfectly all right for mothers to whine and let it out. By doing so, it does not mean that they do not love their child but just need an avenue to let out the steam and not bottle it up and end up in depression or abusing their kids.
I am sure mothers like Jose, Tasha will do anything to save their babies if they are in danger.
jose
Member
Hi Odie & Scrumpee,
A big thank you! U certainly speak my mind..
Odie is right about the lifestyle change bcoz of the child as husband life is not much affected..It seem that everything just falls on me..I no longer have those after work life to go out with my friends, neither do friends really look for me after work on weekday..Their first answer to me, "dun u have to look after your child" Yet hubby can go out whenever he wants to..Dear, i m going out for a drink with so-so tonight..and off he goes..
I do want to love my child as much as any parents out there, showing my best concern and care but i simply get pissed off when i am left alone to do all the chores alone..It is not about talking and informing hubby about his responsibility, it is just the instill in you that mothers wont bear to leave their child behind or go out and relax as much as a man..
Conflict of feelings embed inside me..I would love to go out, at the same time, worry for the little one at home. I really hate this feeling inside me..
Ever since after birth, i realise at certain period of a month, i would feel so frustrated and angry for no reason..even cried for no reason..but after the cry i would feel much better..the cycle just carry on and on..
All this mixture feeling bottled up can sometime really drive me crazy, wondering am i suffering from depression or am i normal etc..I know i am okie but i just seem to be walking in circle of my life that it seem so aimless at time..I never feel all this during school or days before pregnancy...
I just feel so lost..So much to worry..I do know compare to alot of woman outside, i am considered fortunate to have a child, a healthy one..but i really dun knw how to have a full stop to my current unhappiness...I wont say i am unhappy all the time but most of the time..
In fact after reading up the posts from many mothers, i actually felt much better..At least i know i m not abnormal or facing all this alone..
I really thank all the post in the forum..I hope to see more happy or sad experience being shared..
Cheers to the world of motherhood sharing experience..
Thank you everyone..
A big thank you! U certainly speak my mind..
Odie is right about the lifestyle change bcoz of the child as husband life is not much affected..It seem that everything just falls on me..I no longer have those after work life to go out with my friends, neither do friends really look for me after work on weekday..Their first answer to me, "dun u have to look after your child" Yet hubby can go out whenever he wants to..Dear, i m going out for a drink with so-so tonight..and off he goes..
I do want to love my child as much as any parents out there, showing my best concern and care but i simply get pissed off when i am left alone to do all the chores alone..It is not about talking and informing hubby about his responsibility, it is just the instill in you that mothers wont bear to leave their child behind or go out and relax as much as a man..
Conflict of feelings embed inside me..I would love to go out, at the same time, worry for the little one at home. I really hate this feeling inside me..
Ever since after birth, i realise at certain period of a month, i would feel so frustrated and angry for no reason..even cried for no reason..but after the cry i would feel much better..the cycle just carry on and on..
All this mixture feeling bottled up can sometime really drive me crazy, wondering am i suffering from depression or am i normal etc..I know i am okie but i just seem to be walking in circle of my life that it seem so aimless at time..I never feel all this during school or days before pregnancy...
I just feel so lost..So much to worry..I do know compare to alot of woman outside, i am considered fortunate to have a child, a healthy one..but i really dun knw how to have a full stop to my current unhappiness...I wont say i am unhappy all the time but most of the time..
In fact after reading up the posts from many mothers, i actually felt much better..At least i know i m not abnormal or facing all this alone..
I really thank all the post in the forum..I hope to see more happy or sad experience being shared..
Cheers to the world of motherhood sharing experience..
Thank you everyone..
scrumpee01
Member
Jose
Whatever it is, do not hate your child as he is innocent. I believe u love him, but its just that you are not getting much console from your husband that makes you resent the situation. Just think of the happy moments you have with your child, be strong for him and things may just work out well for you.
Whatever it is, do not hate your child as he is innocent. I believe u love him, but its just that you are not getting much console from your husband that makes you resent the situation. Just think of the happy moments you have with your child, be strong for him and things may just work out well for you.
Jose, you are definitely not alone!
While I enjoy having my girl's night out, guilty feelings of "abandoning" the child at home fills me too. Even though I go out with my friends after work only around 5 times a year, but as a mother I cannot justify that need to have that bit of personal space. But if I don't, I feel lousy depriving myself and respecting myself as an individual. The internal tug-of-war sucks!
What I worked out as the best arrangement is to take half-day leave from work and do your own stuff from time to time. I catch movies with my hubby, gorge on hi-tea with a bunch of friends who are mummies themselves. The guiltiy feeling is lesser when you know that your kid is taken care of by the usual care-giver like any other working days and you still get to go home in the evening to carry out your duties as a mother.
Hope you give this a try and find some sanity back! Your frustration is clearly the hope to make the situation better but don't know how to and where to start.
And men are un-auto creatures. Just tell them what you need them to do. Don't expect them to offer help because they don't know how to ;p
I am sure you love your child tremendously otherwise you wouldn't just be venting your frustration here... because you would have really left your child at home and gone out to party all night long
While I enjoy having my girl's night out, guilty feelings of "abandoning" the child at home fills me too. Even though I go out with my friends after work only around 5 times a year, but as a mother I cannot justify that need to have that bit of personal space. But if I don't, I feel lousy depriving myself and respecting myself as an individual. The internal tug-of-war sucks!
What I worked out as the best arrangement is to take half-day leave from work and do your own stuff from time to time. I catch movies with my hubby, gorge on hi-tea with a bunch of friends who are mummies themselves. The guiltiy feeling is lesser when you know that your kid is taken care of by the usual care-giver like any other working days and you still get to go home in the evening to carry out your duties as a mother.
Hope you give this a try and find some sanity back! Your frustration is clearly the hope to make the situation better but don't know how to and where to start.
And men are un-auto creatures. Just tell them what you need them to do. Don't expect them to offer help because they don't know how to ;p
I am sure you love your child tremendously otherwise you wouldn't just be venting your frustration here... because you would have really left your child at home and gone out to party all night long
Scrumpee, Odie, Jose
Yes i agree totally. Sorry for the nick change. Yes definitely will go all lengths to save my baby if he is in danger at anytime.
Applaud at "doesn’t mean the love for the child isn’t there because the negative feelings are due to the circumstances and not because of the person" You certainly speak my mind because we are sometimes being sterotyped as "not grown up" mummies just because we are venting frustration in writing out here. If there is not even such an avenue, we might probably end up doing harm to the baby or even ourselves.
We all love our children and because we see the need to cater to them and yet keep our work-social-personal life balance, its just taking a toll on us sometimes. so much that it just overwhelms us. Not forgetting that women comprises of many little active hormones that just keeps our roller coaster going. this might explain the little flare up and tear rolling moments we have every month...
Jose, u are def not alone feeling the unfairness. Whenever i am out with my frens, the first thing they ask is "who's looking after ur baby? so free ah.. no need to see to ur baby?" even when i take leave, the questions just revolves around my baby. sometimes, i wonder if mummies dun deserves personal time at all?
today i just feel so hurt that my husband say that i am giving excuses at night and not attending to my baby due to breastfeeding. Because bf-ing makes me so tired, sometimes i cannot hear that my baby has woken up. Not because he is hungry but just looking for his pacifier. so he told me that might as well dun bf and throw all the milk away since i cannot wake up. i wish i was dead at that very moment cos my heart just shattered into pieces. Here I am trying so hard to express for my boy and keeping myself healthy with so little sleep.. he has to pass such a remark.
sometimes i wonder if anyone really understand wat a woman's sacrifices are... or if any man out there really knows how the whole journey is so damaging to a woman's health and men just take for granted that. since only woman can do it, then they ought to be responsible for everything...
Yes i agree totally. Sorry for the nick change. Yes definitely will go all lengths to save my baby if he is in danger at anytime.
Applaud at "doesn’t mean the love for the child isn’t there because the negative feelings are due to the circumstances and not because of the person" You certainly speak my mind because we are sometimes being sterotyped as "not grown up" mummies just because we are venting frustration in writing out here. If there is not even such an avenue, we might probably end up doing harm to the baby or even ourselves.
We all love our children and because we see the need to cater to them and yet keep our work-social-personal life balance, its just taking a toll on us sometimes. so much that it just overwhelms us. Not forgetting that women comprises of many little active hormones that just keeps our roller coaster going. this might explain the little flare up and tear rolling moments we have every month...
Jose, u are def not alone feeling the unfairness. Whenever i am out with my frens, the first thing they ask is "who's looking after ur baby? so free ah.. no need to see to ur baby?" even when i take leave, the questions just revolves around my baby. sometimes, i wonder if mummies dun deserves personal time at all?
today i just feel so hurt that my husband say that i am giving excuses at night and not attending to my baby due to breastfeeding. Because bf-ing makes me so tired, sometimes i cannot hear that my baby has woken up. Not because he is hungry but just looking for his pacifier. so he told me that might as well dun bf and throw all the milk away since i cannot wake up. i wish i was dead at that very moment cos my heart just shattered into pieces. Here I am trying so hard to express for my boy and keeping myself healthy with so little sleep.. he has to pass such a remark.
sometimes i wonder if anyone really understand wat a woman's sacrifices are... or if any man out there really knows how the whole journey is so damaging to a woman's health and men just take for granted that. since only woman can do it, then they ought to be responsible for everything...
scrumpee01
Member
Kitty
Your husband is quite harsh to say that. Breastfeeding is tough, pump/engorge/infection...men will not understand. And I agree is very tiring. I gave up after 3 mths, anyway my milk supply is very very little, so no point continuing. Perhaps u can arrange a schedule with him, like take turns to attend to baby at night?
For my boy, I don't always rush to him when he wakes up at night. I only do so when he starts to cry. Sometimes, they just wake up, sit up and make noises (but not crying), I will just let it be.
Your husband is quite harsh to say that. Breastfeeding is tough, pump/engorge/infection...men will not understand. And I agree is very tiring. I gave up after 3 mths, anyway my milk supply is very very little, so no point continuing. Perhaps u can arrange a schedule with him, like take turns to attend to baby at night?
For my boy, I don't always rush to him when he wakes up at night. I only do so when he starts to cry. Sometimes, they just wake up, sit up and make noises (but not crying), I will just let it be.
Kitty: Don't get too upset over your hb's words. Just take it that he doesn't understand, but do tell him that what he said had hurt u or he will never know. When I hb passed senseless remarks on me due to his overprotectiveness of my bb, I will just ignore him. However there r times I bite back to make sure he knows I am upset with him. Men can be quite dense, so must tell them straight.
Thanks Scrumpee and Jiayi,
I guess i I need to learn how to ignore negative remarks else i will not be able to function at all. Dunno if i take the words too seriously, but I simply feel that sometimes i cant let go of that hurtful feeling that easily as i used to before having a baby. Maybe i feel that I am stuck and need to take more responsibility of the house and baby? i really dunno...
I guess i I need to learn how to ignore negative remarks else i will not be able to function at all. Dunno if i take the words too seriously, but I simply feel that sometimes i cant let go of that hurtful feeling that easily as i used to before having a baby. Maybe i feel that I am stuck and need to take more responsibility of the house and baby? i really dunno...
Kitty: it's normal to feel this way. I get more upset now cos I feel unappreciated for taking care of bb. Felt like I am a maid who is being scolded by the master for not taking care of his child properly. Maybe worse than a maid cos hb prob don't dare to scold maid in case a maid torture the bb, while I won't. like you, I felt been taken for granted as I am stucked in the situation.
i think this is a good topic. even some oth good topic that i saw already stop discussion few months.. thats too bad.
motherhood life is sucks indeed especially for SAHM. because we need to continue to work at home 24 hrs 365 days in a year with no off day. everyday repeating the same things until i feel that im a robot, follow schedule without fail. no life, no money, no career, no future, no look and no body. i already many years nv have a one good nite sleep.
not only these make me wanna crazy. some ppl just dont understand ours strezz. they simply can say you are leading a good life as a SAHM. Tai Tai life. Shake leg at home. Woh, your husband love you so much that let you stay at home. PUKE..
motherhood life is sucks indeed especially for SAHM. because we need to continue to work at home 24 hrs 365 days in a year with no off day. everyday repeating the same things until i feel that im a robot, follow schedule without fail. no life, no money, no career, no future, no look and no body. i already many years nv have a one good nite sleep.
not only these make me wanna crazy. some ppl just dont understand ours strezz. they simply can say you are leading a good life as a SAHM. Tai Tai life. Shake leg at home. Woh, your husband love you so much that let you stay at home. PUKE..
jose
Member
Hi Yawn,
thanks for sharing...how old is your baby? I think life will get better when he/she grow older..In fact, not sure if you have helpers or does your kid goes childcare, one should always find some time for yourself in order to feel more balanced...
The greatest freedom u have is to be able to plan your daily life ~ i m sure u be able to find somethin u really enjoy doing and let that motivate u...
Try writting out...be it a blog or diary...you will be better...when i first started this thread, i hestiate for quite some time till i really feel so stressed up and unhappiness inside me is so bad to drive me post this thread without hestiation..all i wanted is to pour out all unhappiness and forget about it once and for all...same words ring inside me..same frustration daily...
After sharing and reading others post, i feel much better...things n life start to improve too...hope you may be able to find your comfort zone to enjoy motherhood soon...
Things will get better for you...
thanks for sharing...how old is your baby? I think life will get better when he/she grow older..In fact, not sure if you have helpers or does your kid goes childcare, one should always find some time for yourself in order to feel more balanced...
The greatest freedom u have is to be able to plan your daily life ~ i m sure u be able to find somethin u really enjoy doing and let that motivate u...
Try writting out...be it a blog or diary...you will be better...when i first started this thread, i hestiate for quite some time till i really feel so stressed up and unhappiness inside me is so bad to drive me post this thread without hestiation..all i wanted is to pour out all unhappiness and forget about it once and for all...same words ring inside me..same frustration daily...
After sharing and reading others post, i feel much better...things n life start to improve too...hope you may be able to find your comfort zone to enjoy motherhood soon...
Things will get better for you...
jose, thx for the encouragement.
i ve a helper to take care of my boy 2 years old day time. he is super duper active and naughty. so this helper is just to take care of my boy day time, do some washing and cleaning if times allowed. and im taking care of a newborn bb. i will cook also for the whole family which both my boy and helper very fussy eater. i think my helper is good life than me.
same like Jiayi, husband not dare big and small voice to helper. he said what happened if helper put some dettol???
i dont know what are the things can meke me njoy doing now as i dont have a loving and caring husband. if i go out alone for grocery shopping of get some kids stuff. he will not happy and sure will ask this when i back home "You happy shopping? took so long time??" Indeed another sarcastics question.
summary to all women: dating is good but dont marriage. marriage can also la but dont have bb. end up woman suffer especially both parents cannot help.
i ve a helper to take care of my boy 2 years old day time. he is super duper active and naughty. so this helper is just to take care of my boy day time, do some washing and cleaning if times allowed. and im taking care of a newborn bb. i will cook also for the whole family which both my boy and helper very fussy eater. i think my helper is good life than me.
same like Jiayi, husband not dare big and small voice to helper. he said what happened if helper put some dettol???
i dont know what are the things can meke me njoy doing now as i dont have a loving and caring husband. if i go out alone for grocery shopping of get some kids stuff. he will not happy and sure will ask this when i back home "You happy shopping? took so long time??" Indeed another sarcastics question.
summary to all women: dating is good but dont marriage. marriage can also la but dont have bb. end up woman suffer especially both parents cannot help.
jose
Member
Hi Yawn,
I think everyone should be treated with respect...so long if u feel u r conscious clear about the way how u treat your helper...u should voice out your woes to the helper...
I don't see why we have to pay for a helper and end up tolerating the helper...if you think she is no good, give chances n be more forgiving..bt if you really feel tat u can't take it anymore, try changing a helper..try to source for someone b4 u have her replaced...sometime in life, same task required bt with diff ppl..e effect is diff..not being supertitious bt sometime u just dun click w certain ppl...no point strugglin on to tolerate since u r paying for e service..it shd bring u comfort n lighten ur load and not increase ur unhappiness...u mentioned u have to cook for the family...do u enjoy cooking? I do enjoying cooking for the family but i hate washing up..i dun get much chance to whip out dishes as i am a working mother and food is lay on the table when i am back...Got good n bad also...i cant get to chose wat i like to eat...but i dun have crack my brain of what to cook for the family...though much may not realise this...planning a happy meal for the family can be quite challenging at times...ha!
As for the caring n loving hubby, i think u can feedback to ur hubby about how much his words hurt...he could not have realise tat e words means sarcastics or unpleasant feeling to u...try nite talking before going to bed...each couple have their own ways to build up communication...i used to feel like u before..but i realise tat guys needs a listener at times...due to the unpleasant effect in office...then may b end up no way to frustrate out or wat...then take this opportunity to "vent" out on wife..though unintentionally...bt may b tat is e only place - home - where they can b e king n "fa wei" a bit..esp he is e breadwinner...
Try family shopping instead of going alone..it can b quite frustrating to brin e kids at times when u brin them along...may b keep e trip short or buy things tat can wait etc..bt enjoy e experience...try couple shopping too..just u n hubby...it also a good time to build bonding...now gt family..no longer like b4, can go here n there, like dating..sorry to say this..sometime i feel supermkt is like a dating place for us...bonding times too...if u buy somethin he like, tibits, tat also a gesture of love...n he is there to witness tat...ha! Tat probably will solve e happy shopping, took so long time sarcastics question...this phobia will also go away unknowning if it works..coz i feel tat i experience e same before...so i drag him along..
Not sure if u experience e same as me, neighbourhood n supermkt shopping can really help to release stress n make 1 happier since we no longer have e freedom to go shopping like durin dating times, clothes or accessories, shoes, now wat i see most is food stuff, kids stuff...e satisfaction of getting a good deal n cute things for e kid, look forward to e glow in their eyes n smiles on their faces, be it just a few secs, u knw its worthwhile...
Hope e above does help to make you a happy mummy, happy wife n happy marriage...
PS - Taka Xmas Fair is so nice, check out e nice things,hope retail therapy brings up the happiness in you!
I think everyone should be treated with respect...so long if u feel u r conscious clear about the way how u treat your helper...u should voice out your woes to the helper...
I don't see why we have to pay for a helper and end up tolerating the helper...if you think she is no good, give chances n be more forgiving..bt if you really feel tat u can't take it anymore, try changing a helper..try to source for someone b4 u have her replaced...sometime in life, same task required bt with diff ppl..e effect is diff..not being supertitious bt sometime u just dun click w certain ppl...no point strugglin on to tolerate since u r paying for e service..it shd bring u comfort n lighten ur load and not increase ur unhappiness...u mentioned u have to cook for the family...do u enjoy cooking? I do enjoying cooking for the family but i hate washing up..i dun get much chance to whip out dishes as i am a working mother and food is lay on the table when i am back...Got good n bad also...i cant get to chose wat i like to eat...but i dun have crack my brain of what to cook for the family...though much may not realise this...planning a happy meal for the family can be quite challenging at times...ha!
As for the caring n loving hubby, i think u can feedback to ur hubby about how much his words hurt...he could not have realise tat e words means sarcastics or unpleasant feeling to u...try nite talking before going to bed...each couple have their own ways to build up communication...i used to feel like u before..but i realise tat guys needs a listener at times...due to the unpleasant effect in office...then may b end up no way to frustrate out or wat...then take this opportunity to "vent" out on wife..though unintentionally...bt may b tat is e only place - home - where they can b e king n "fa wei" a bit..esp he is e breadwinner...
Try family shopping instead of going alone..it can b quite frustrating to brin e kids at times when u brin them along...may b keep e trip short or buy things tat can wait etc..bt enjoy e experience...try couple shopping too..just u n hubby...it also a good time to build bonding...now gt family..no longer like b4, can go here n there, like dating..sorry to say this..sometime i feel supermkt is like a dating place for us...bonding times too...if u buy somethin he like, tibits, tat also a gesture of love...n he is there to witness tat...ha! Tat probably will solve e happy shopping, took so long time sarcastics question...this phobia will also go away unknowning if it works..coz i feel tat i experience e same before...so i drag him along..
Not sure if u experience e same as me, neighbourhood n supermkt shopping can really help to release stress n make 1 happier since we no longer have e freedom to go shopping like durin dating times, clothes or accessories, shoes, now wat i see most is food stuff, kids stuff...e satisfaction of getting a good deal n cute things for e kid, look forward to e glow in their eyes n smiles on their faces, be it just a few secs, u knw its worthwhile...
Hope e above does help to make you a happy mummy, happy wife n happy marriage...
PS - Taka Xmas Fair is so nice, check out e nice things,hope retail therapy brings up the happiness in you!
jose, i respect my helper of cos. i told her many times we shd not choosy to food, dont waste food. i personally dont like to waste food. but if i dont cook somethings she wants and end up she dont eat, no energy and not happy then how? i thinking to change maid also but changing maid is not free. have to pay insurance and training program course and etc fees. and what happen the next one is even more worst so im trying very hard to accept her,
i dont like cooking but my fil always fill my fridge with many meat fish and vegetable. i dont like to waste food. i cant see all the food go waste in my fridge. so i tried to tell husband, pls tell your father dont buy anymore but i dont know he tell or not. my fridge still v full with uncook food.
i cannot find my happiness from husband liao cos he having affair with thailand woman. he nv touch me aft my first boy and i request for 2 kid. my newborn is just 3mths and we have separate room already.
thanks god you have found your happiness. i wish some day i can find mine as well when my kids grown up already.
i dont like cooking but my fil always fill my fridge with many meat fish and vegetable. i dont like to waste food. i cant see all the food go waste in my fridge. so i tried to tell husband, pls tell your father dont buy anymore but i dont know he tell or not. my fridge still v full with uncook food.
i cannot find my happiness from husband liao cos he having affair with thailand woman. he nv touch me aft my first boy and i request for 2 kid. my newborn is just 3mths and we have separate room already.
thanks god you have found your happiness. i wish some day i can find mine as well when my kids grown up already.
hi Jose, you are definitely not alone. Im a FTWM of 2 kids, boy 3 year old and girl 1 year old. Every weekdays I have to rush home from work to fetch them from ccc, every weekends is a torture for me, i have phobia looking after them too esp my son, he is super active and so naughty that i really cannot stand it. i tried not to cane him, but sometimes really cannot endure. I have no helper at all, got to do all the house chores all by myself, every day after fetch them from ccc, have to bath them, feed them milk/dinner, unpack their bags and put the dirty clothes to wash. Pack their stuff for the next morning. After all these, got to put them to bed and struggle for at least 2 hours before my son will fall asleep. After he slept, i have to hang my clothes to dry and clear away their toys. Sometimes if my hubby works till late at nite, i will only have my dinner after my kids slept.
Whenever there are any company functions or wedding dinner etc, i'm always not able to go cos couldn't find anyone to look after the kids. Every morning, i have to wake up early to get the kids ready for cc and i always have to drag my son up and prepare him for school. Every nite got to wake up 4 times for their nite feed. While im struggling with all these, my hubby gets to play his computer games after work, relax and eat his dinner, go out every friday and saturday without any worries, and sleep late every day and i have to faster sleep after im done with the housework and wake up early once my kids is up. sometimes weekends they even wake up at 6 plus in the morning. I will feel why so unfair, why my hubby can do anything he likes just like he is before marriage and yet i have to sacrifice but there are times when he promise to look after the kids to let me go out for awhile with my friends, its just that i cant bear to leave my kids alone as i will still worry for them. I too have the phobia feeling till now, but i have already accepted it, cos i know my duty ends only till the day i pass away. Seeing my kids laugh and play together, i know i did not make the wrong decision in having them in my life. Though its tough, to do everything by myself (Sometimes i do cry too, when my son keeps throwing tantrum), when they smile at you, you will know its worth it.
When they fall sick, i will pray hard to the god, as long as they gets well again, i do not mind how naughty they are ever again. Whenever i cane them, when they fall asleep, i see their angel face, i will feel so guilty and tell them im sorry.
Whenever there are any company functions or wedding dinner etc, i'm always not able to go cos couldn't find anyone to look after the kids. Every morning, i have to wake up early to get the kids ready for cc and i always have to drag my son up and prepare him for school. Every nite got to wake up 4 times for their nite feed. While im struggling with all these, my hubby gets to play his computer games after work, relax and eat his dinner, go out every friday and saturday without any worries, and sleep late every day and i have to faster sleep after im done with the housework and wake up early once my kids is up. sometimes weekends they even wake up at 6 plus in the morning. I will feel why so unfair, why my hubby can do anything he likes just like he is before marriage and yet i have to sacrifice but there are times when he promise to look after the kids to let me go out for awhile with my friends, its just that i cant bear to leave my kids alone as i will still worry for them. I too have the phobia feeling till now, but i have already accepted it, cos i know my duty ends only till the day i pass away. Seeing my kids laugh and play together, i know i did not make the wrong decision in having them in my life. Though its tough, to do everything by myself (Sometimes i do cry too, when my son keeps throwing tantrum), when they smile at you, you will know its worth it.
When they fall sick, i will pray hard to the god, as long as they gets well again, i do not mind how naughty they are ever again. Whenever i cane them, when they fall asleep, i see their angel face, i will feel so guilty and tell them im sorry.
jose
Member
Yeah, mummy jo, i certainly think you are more great than me..ur sacrifics are greater too...
U tend to worry about your kids when u leave them in your hubby care..sometime its all about see "open"...i used to worry like you when my hubby take over whether he can manage etc but i m sure when ur kids get older like kindergarten, i m sure u can have some free time on your own...
Hope u can have your balanced work, family and personal life...one certainly need some personal time to make ur life feel worthwhile and recharged...I been thru all that u mentioned, with that, u realise dun get frustrated so easily n wont scold or beat children as much when they are a little naughtier..enough rest is also impt...
May the year of 2011 be a wonderful n happier year ahead with more smiles, laughter and happiness with joys in the family!
Feel free to share your thoughts here, be it happy or sad..look forward to your updates soon!
Cheers,
Jose
U tend to worry about your kids when u leave them in your hubby care..sometime its all about see "open"...i used to worry like you when my hubby take over whether he can manage etc but i m sure when ur kids get older like kindergarten, i m sure u can have some free time on your own...
Hope u can have your balanced work, family and personal life...one certainly need some personal time to make ur life feel worthwhile and recharged...I been thru all that u mentioned, with that, u realise dun get frustrated so easily n wont scold or beat children as much when they are a little naughtier..enough rest is also impt...
May the year of 2011 be a wonderful n happier year ahead with more smiles, laughter and happiness with joys in the family!
Feel free to share your thoughts here, be it happy or sad..look forward to your updates soon!
Cheers,
Jose
I think it's human nature to envy others. When we don't hv kids, we may sometimes envy others who look v. happy kissing/hugging their children. When we have kids, we may also envy others who have lots of freedom, travel as and when they feel like it.
Maybe in reality, nothing is easy. Life is not smooth, problems happen now and then. Some have it better than us, some have it a lot worse. I guess we must be contented with what we have and appreciate the people whom we love for their time with us is not forever.
Maybe in reality, nothing is easy. Life is not smooth, problems happen now and then. Some have it better than us, some have it a lot worse. I guess we must be contented with what we have and appreciate the people whom we love for their time with us is not forever.
beethoventm
Member
dear mummiesi was looking high and low in this forum for this topic and saw this thread and would like to share my feelings.
I am in exactly the same situation as mummy-Jo. My boy is 3 and gal is 7mths. I am also a full time working mum hv to rush to fetch gal from nanny every evening. after tat pick up son from mil and go home. really tired yet to bath, milk, pacify them until both asleep and i finally get to do houseworks.
Like mamy mummies here, no personal time at all. wake up 5.30am everyday incl. wkends with night feedings in between. If i could sleep till 6am, it's a bleesing...
Hubby works on wkends, so i am alone taking care both kids which drives me crazy. I feel so 'sian' when wkends approaching. Basically i am worse than a maid... at least maid could get a day off... Whenever i saw my colleagues go on vacation, i sadden, heart pain. I also regret for getting marriage cos it makes my life even misery, not getting happier or better.
Why mummy is always the one worrying for child's education, well-being, meals, milk, all the nitty-gritty things. We are also bringing home money (in fact i am earning more than my hubby) yet the man still think taking care of kids and household is woman's job.
Yest i broke down and cried in front of my children. I felt so sad that how come my life became so pathetic. What makes me cry harder was my son gave me a piece of tissue, hugged me, asking me not to cry.
I know there is no way to turn back the clock, but how to make us feel positive and face the long long future and commitment ahead? eg. I used to go on vacation very year, now for 4-yrs i dun even get accross the causeway.
I dare not think and i duno how long i could ensure such feeling deep inside me.
I am in exactly the same situation as mummy-Jo. My boy is 3 and gal is 7mths. I am also a full time working mum hv to rush to fetch gal from nanny every evening. after tat pick up son from mil and go home. really tired yet to bath, milk, pacify them until both asleep and i finally get to do houseworks.
Like mamy mummies here, no personal time at all. wake up 5.30am everyday incl. wkends with night feedings in between. If i could sleep till 6am, it's a bleesing...
Hubby works on wkends, so i am alone taking care both kids which drives me crazy. I feel so 'sian' when wkends approaching. Basically i am worse than a maid... at least maid could get a day off... Whenever i saw my colleagues go on vacation, i sadden, heart pain. I also regret for getting marriage cos it makes my life even misery, not getting happier or better.
Why mummy is always the one worrying for child's education, well-being, meals, milk, all the nitty-gritty things. We are also bringing home money (in fact i am earning more than my hubby) yet the man still think taking care of kids and household is woman's job.
Yest i broke down and cried in front of my children. I felt so sad that how come my life became so pathetic. What makes me cry harder was my son gave me a piece of tissue, hugged me, asking me not to cry.
I know there is no way to turn back the clock, but how to make us feel positive and face the long long future and commitment ahead? eg. I used to go on vacation very year, now for 4-yrs i dun even get accross the causeway.
I dare not think and i duno how long i could ensure such feeling deep inside me.
mochi, you are another great mommy. have you consider getting a maid to bring her over to your mil house when u not home. so the maid can help a little at night and weekendz since you are earning. this is just a suggestion. tot all maids now are more trouble then good but at least can help us mommy a little to ease our stress.
beethoventm
Member
Hi, maid is out as our finance is rather stretched already. moreover the man at home is against this idea cos he says dislike 'outsider' to stay with us... of cos he can said so cos he is not the one taking care of the kids. why is life so unfair...
for 4 yrs into marriage, i aged so much, both mental and apperance. i hate to look into mirror - 黄脸婆
for 4 yrs into marriage, i aged so much, both mental and apperance. i hate to look into mirror - 黄脸婆
your husband can help at night? talk to him. he has to help a little otherwise this matter will bring your marriage life down. sorry to say that. for wkendz probably you can go to your mil house or think better solutions. dont make your life so difficult, try to find a way to solve your problems. another 10 more years we are old already. how much life we still have? live happier better than sad. i look much more older as well and my physical health worst.
beethoventm
Member
I did ask him for help to help night feeding cos he is still awake usually. At least i could sleep thru out the night. he helped for 1 or 2 times, now he shows me face or say he is sleepy or just pretend not to hear. Ask him to bath the gal, he say dare not cos too fragile...
MIL also not very helpful cos she always say she looked after 3 kids all by herself in the past. i am only looking after 2 already buay tahan...
Own mother still the best. if mum is still ard, my life will be better.
MIL also not very helpful cos she always say she looked after 3 kids all by herself in the past. i am only looking after 2 already buay tahan...
Own mother still the best. if mum is still ard, my life will be better.
beethoventm
Member
our relationship is already at brink. We sleep separately, he is with the boy and i sleep with the gal in other room. If i talk to him on my tiredness, he annoyed cos i being so naggy, and always ended up in argument, cold wars. No more care and share, just talk unless necessary, usually around kids matter and bills. For so long we nvr go out together as a couple.
If not for the kids, i would hv ask for separation. now hang on cos the kids only.
I hv the same thinking as you, i wld like to enjoy life now, not 10 over yrs later hence the frustrations growing by days. Who can be so sure life sure gets better donky yrs later when kids grown up? But the present moments just too disappointing.
If not for the kids, i would hv ask for separation. now hang on cos the kids only.
I hv the same thinking as you, i wld like to enjoy life now, not 10 over yrs later hence the frustrations growing by days. Who can be so sure life sure gets better donky yrs later when kids grown up? But the present moments just too disappointing.
Mochi, think of some solutions to let your life live better. my solution is to pray every nite before i go to bed and im blessing that both my kids are healthy then i dont mind work like robot. understand most MIL cannot go along well with daughter in law if can then i believe you already putting your gal under her care already but instead you send her to nanny. we are almost in the same situation. blame ours poor life married to the wrg man. be positive and take good care of yourself. both your kids are still very young and depends on you only. if you breakdown then who can take care of them?
beethoventm
Member
Hi Yawn, how do you stay positive in life to move on? I could not stop thinking how unfair life is to me. The moment i saw my hubby not lifting his fingers to help me, while i busy like a bee, nvr get a chance to sit down and rest, i got frustrated and angry. i hate my life. Many times I ignore the man at home, telling myself that i am a single mum with kids, it does make me feel better for a while.
mochi,
hw abt part time help? maybe u noe a neighbour living near u. there are some elderly folks loves children and dun mind looking after bb to earn some allowance? u can make arrangments like letting them stay overnite 1-2x a wk or during wkends to gv urself a break?
before i had kids,i was so busy working till no time to enjoy life. then i was depressed cos i find my life has no meaning except work work work. i was drifting aimlessly and no mood to think abt starting a family since life is so meaningless rite?
then i had my son..and my world changes slowly. yes, smtimes looking after kids is very tiring. i have my hair tearing moments and visions of running away frm home. u gotta think in context of the child. a 2yo child will not understand the concept of sharing or think abt bad consequences of their actions. this period no pt stressing abt issues like that..u gotta think prevention and distraction strategies.
boys are genetically mre active then gals. i find ways to tire him out. i bring him to the park almost evday and make him ride his scooter/bike for at least an hr. this is also the time to make frends with neighbour's kids. i have some older kids keep an eye on my boy..think kampong spirit. then i just sit down and relax with my magazine!
at times i let him play by himself and teach him that mummy needs some time alone too. not every moment need to physically be with him. life is hectic,i have less time for myself, but this life is at least mre meaningful then when i was working nonstop and suffered a breakdown.
there must be times when u look at ur kids with pride and love rite? not evday is a bad day im sure, rite?
hw abt part time help? maybe u noe a neighbour living near u. there are some elderly folks loves children and dun mind looking after bb to earn some allowance? u can make arrangments like letting them stay overnite 1-2x a wk or during wkends to gv urself a break?
before i had kids,i was so busy working till no time to enjoy life. then i was depressed cos i find my life has no meaning except work work work. i was drifting aimlessly and no mood to think abt starting a family since life is so meaningless rite?
then i had my son..and my world changes slowly. yes, smtimes looking after kids is very tiring. i have my hair tearing moments and visions of running away frm home. u gotta think in context of the child. a 2yo child will not understand the concept of sharing or think abt bad consequences of their actions. this period no pt stressing abt issues like that..u gotta think prevention and distraction strategies.
boys are genetically mre active then gals. i find ways to tire him out. i bring him to the park almost evday and make him ride his scooter/bike for at least an hr. this is also the time to make frends with neighbour's kids. i have some older kids keep an eye on my boy..think kampong spirit. then i just sit down and relax with my magazine!
at times i let him play by himself and teach him that mummy needs some time alone too. not every moment need to physically be with him. life is hectic,i have less time for myself, but this life is at least mre meaningful then when i was working nonstop and suffered a breakdown.
there must be times when u look at ur kids with pride and love rite? not evday is a bad day im sure, rite?
I think it's perfectly OK for stressed out mummies like Jose to air their frustrations here. I think she is being very honest about her feelings and it does not mean she loves her child any less. I also admitted to my husband about my anxiety to come home from work, knowing i'm going to spend a sleep-deprived night, and then go work the next day feeling half-dead. And i feel guilty for sometimes wanting to go out without the baby or have quiet moments alone etc. He consoled me and said it's very natural for me to feel negative at times because the change in lifestyle is so drastic, and it's important for mummies to get their rest and relaxation too. I felt better telling him and tried to shift my focus to positive thoughts and adjust my lifestyle as best as i can to strike a good balance. Not easy and still working on it! My hubby suggested to put our baby with in laws during weekdays but in laws didn't want to deprive themselves of sleep too. Anyway, i didn't want to be a weekend parent. And although i'm still tired, at least i'm glad that i'm sleeping all my nights with my baby.
Good luck to all mummies!
Good luck to all mummies!
beatrice_chua
New Member
Motherhood is a very big responsibility, very true.
However, I wont exchange it from anything else.
Dont get me wrong, I get tired and irritated also.
But after thinking it over, I know I am competent enough to handle stress, and I love my baby so much.
Thinking it over, if my mom survived me when I was a child, there's no reason I wont survive raising my child.
However, I wont exchange it from anything else.
Dont get me wrong, I get tired and irritated also.
But after thinking it over, I know I am competent enough to handle stress, and I love my baby so much.
Thinking it over, if my mom survived me when I was a child, there's no reason I wont survive raising my child.
mumusings
Active Member
There will be ups and downs as a parent and certainly days when you feel like tearing your hair out. I'm a SAHM but I don't think I'm missing out much. I'm taking motherhood as the new 'job' for the past few years and a break from working life. Like Beatrice pointed out, our mothers and grandmothers survived seeing us through - there's really no reason to give up so easily. My son's very active and we've learnt to occupy him through various cost-less or economical activities.
Whatever it is, the important thing is for all of us to stay sane and strong. For ourselves and for our family. I take it as a personal challenge to keep cool and not lose temper when the kid gets out of hand.
As for freedom and 'enjoying social life'. I don't miss that much because as a stayhome, there's freedom as it is to fix my own routines and venture out wherever I want to so long as the place is safe and has things for both the kid and I to take turns seeing. On weekends, I sometimes go out on my own for a short grocery trip or meet a friend for an hour or two. With the Internet and mobile phone, help and listening ears are within reach.
Whenever I'm feeling fatigue from running after the kid, I remind myself of how my granny took care of all of us. Babysit us, walk us to school, bring us back from school, clean the home and then do dinner for more than 10 people. She only walked (and it's in kilometers to the nearest market) to save money. I personally can't find a reason to whine or complain as a modern mother...
Whatever it is, the important thing is for all of us to stay sane and strong. For ourselves and for our family. I take it as a personal challenge to keep cool and not lose temper when the kid gets out of hand.
As for freedom and 'enjoying social life'. I don't miss that much because as a stayhome, there's freedom as it is to fix my own routines and venture out wherever I want to so long as the place is safe and has things for both the kid and I to take turns seeing. On weekends, I sometimes go out on my own for a short grocery trip or meet a friend for an hour or two. With the Internet and mobile phone, help and listening ears are within reach.
Whenever I'm feeling fatigue from running after the kid, I remind myself of how my granny took care of all of us. Babysit us, walk us to school, bring us back from school, clean the home and then do dinner for more than 10 people. She only walked (and it's in kilometers to the nearest market) to save money. I personally can't find a reason to whine or complain as a modern mother...
We are all humans with feelings! Yes, there are some unfortunate cases, but when u are angry and depressed, u just feel it. I couldn't be feeling" how lucky I am " all the time when at that specific moment I just simply feel life sucks...that's why we all need to vent, writing and talking it out are some of the better ways..
mumusings
Active Member
Hi Cherrie,
I have made it a personal mission to not wallow in anything negative. Will take my kid out for a long walk/bus trip and make myself tired so that there isn't any energy left to feel anything else. The art of distraction helps keep me sane and going when feelings/thoughts get nasty. Better to do something constructive out of the day no matter how bad it gets - cook, clean, go out, write blog, read - so long as I don't waste the day away because I've learnt that being angry/depressed won't make the day any better for myself.
Cheer up, Cherrie and stay strong! I'm sure all of us here have our share of down-days and unspoken woes.
I have made it a personal mission to not wallow in anything negative. Will take my kid out for a long walk/bus trip and make myself tired so that there isn't any energy left to feel anything else. The art of distraction helps keep me sane and going when feelings/thoughts get nasty. Better to do something constructive out of the day no matter how bad it gets - cook, clean, go out, write blog, read - so long as I don't waste the day away because I've learnt that being angry/depressed won't make the day any better for myself.
Cheer up, Cherrie and stay strong! I'm sure all of us here have our share of down-days and unspoken woes.
moorspa7
Member
I agree with mumusings. What is worse is when you are a sahm and yr husband has betrayed you. You feel even more stuck in the situation cos you hv no income or family support. That is the worst situation to be in when you are already stressed and tired. Like what mumusings mentioned, to be positive is the only way to be sane for my kids. I hv been depressed, angry and sad, and it just doesn't get any better if I continue to be in that situation. I am still trying very hard to be positive and it does help, but it needs a lot of effort. Anyway, if I were to live my life a 2nd time, I would not choose to marry.
princesshappy
New Member
this thread is exactly what i need. a place to air every negative feeling that i have inside of me. every emotion felt by mummies here, fatigue, anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness, annoyance, you name it, i have felt it.
my husband and i chose to have a child. however, none of my family or friends how have me how mentally and physically exhausting it can be.
All parents make a choice to have kids, either because they really love and wanted kids, or because the mummy got pregnant by accident and they do not wish to abort the child. there is, however, a difference between an irresponsible parent and an exhausted parent. an irresponsible parent will give birth to the child and dump all the child-rearing to the other half or the grandparents. the grandparents are parents all over again, except this time round they did not have the sex to have the kid.
i chose to have a child, i was aware to a certain extent that it would mean a drastic lifestyle change for the entire family. however, i did not know that it would hit me so badly. before i had a child, my husband and i would travel at a moment's notice, drive all over Singapore in search for food, sit at coffee places to chill or to watch a late night movie. the loss of freedom after the baby arrived, especially during confinement month, was hard to swallow. don't get me wrong. i do not blame the child for my feelings. rather, i acknowledge that the feelings i had are as a result of my own mindset. i love my daughter to bits. i really do. i love how she comes crawling towards me when i return home from work, how she would lie on my chest and "manja" over me, how she would smile that beautiful smile of hers whenever we play peekaboo. i am responsible towards her, i make sure that she has her meals, her water, her snacks, her baths, that she does not watch too much tv, that she listens to kiddy songs and she gets to hang out with kids of her own age.i discipline her when she gets too naughty or when she is just trying her luck. but that does not mean that i do not get overwhelmed and exhausted by all the things that i need to get done while trying to be responsible towards her.
i recognise the need for the husband to rest and have a break. but so do i. but i dont think i can. because i am the mother, i assume most of the roles in child rearing.
anytime to myself, is after work, the 1 hr journey home, bath time and the time before i sleep. if i want a day off from work, i will have to take leave to pak tor with my husband or to have some me time. i dread weekends where i have to do everything. i wonder if i have made the right choice to have a child. if i can turn back time, maybe i would not make the same decision again. everytime she grows for god knows what reason, throw tantrums, refuse to have her meals, i resolve not to have a second child ever. because i do not want to resent the second child for taking away even more time from me. and because i resent weekends, i look forward to going back to work, where i can have time alone to hv my lunch, to shit and to drink coffee in peace. and because of this, i will not want to be a stay at home mother or to work from home if i have a choice. the financial freedom and time away from her is just too precious. when i had to be with her for a whole week because MIL was away for a holiday, it just further reaffirmed my thoughts on how i do not want a second child. a friend of mine is a SAHM. she does not work, quit her job to look after her kid. now, she has difficulty looking for another job and has to be dependent on her husband for income. god forbids, what if one day, her husband left her for another woman? what is going to happen to her and her son?
while i am proud of my child for achieving all her mini-milestones in life (walking, drinking on her own, picking up a tissue), i do not think that all these happiness makes me feel that all the hardship and tiredness is worth it. i am not the kind who will not bear to leave her with my MIL just so that i can have a day to myself. i will not miss her when i am on a 2 day trip to malacca. those two days are time for myself. i owe it to myself to enjoy and relax and have a break. hell, i am not just her mother, i am a woman too. i may be given the womb and egg and uterus to have a child, but i have the brains to know what i want and what i do not want.
for women who had difficulties having babies and are trying so hard to have a child, i feel for you. because i know the happiness and joy of having a child, i know what you are losing out. but we mummies are humans too. we get tired, we have bad days at work, we have work to be responsible for, shitty colleagues and bosses to deal with, cranky kids and sometimes families who give us more trouble than help us. it is not that we do not love our children. we do. we just need an avenue to vent our frustrations, so that after ranting, we can continue to strive on and be a better parent for our child.
my husband and i chose to have a child. however, none of my family or friends how have me how mentally and physically exhausting it can be.
All parents make a choice to have kids, either because they really love and wanted kids, or because the mummy got pregnant by accident and they do not wish to abort the child. there is, however, a difference between an irresponsible parent and an exhausted parent. an irresponsible parent will give birth to the child and dump all the child-rearing to the other half or the grandparents. the grandparents are parents all over again, except this time round they did not have the sex to have the kid.
i chose to have a child, i was aware to a certain extent that it would mean a drastic lifestyle change for the entire family. however, i did not know that it would hit me so badly. before i had a child, my husband and i would travel at a moment's notice, drive all over Singapore in search for food, sit at coffee places to chill or to watch a late night movie. the loss of freedom after the baby arrived, especially during confinement month, was hard to swallow. don't get me wrong. i do not blame the child for my feelings. rather, i acknowledge that the feelings i had are as a result of my own mindset. i love my daughter to bits. i really do. i love how she comes crawling towards me when i return home from work, how she would lie on my chest and "manja" over me, how she would smile that beautiful smile of hers whenever we play peekaboo. i am responsible towards her, i make sure that she has her meals, her water, her snacks, her baths, that she does not watch too much tv, that she listens to kiddy songs and she gets to hang out with kids of her own age.i discipline her when she gets too naughty or when she is just trying her luck. but that does not mean that i do not get overwhelmed and exhausted by all the things that i need to get done while trying to be responsible towards her.
i recognise the need for the husband to rest and have a break. but so do i. but i dont think i can. because i am the mother, i assume most of the roles in child rearing.
anytime to myself, is after work, the 1 hr journey home, bath time and the time before i sleep. if i want a day off from work, i will have to take leave to pak tor with my husband or to have some me time. i dread weekends where i have to do everything. i wonder if i have made the right choice to have a child. if i can turn back time, maybe i would not make the same decision again. everytime she grows for god knows what reason, throw tantrums, refuse to have her meals, i resolve not to have a second child ever. because i do not want to resent the second child for taking away even more time from me. and because i resent weekends, i look forward to going back to work, where i can have time alone to hv my lunch, to shit and to drink coffee in peace. and because of this, i will not want to be a stay at home mother or to work from home if i have a choice. the financial freedom and time away from her is just too precious. when i had to be with her for a whole week because MIL was away for a holiday, it just further reaffirmed my thoughts on how i do not want a second child. a friend of mine is a SAHM. she does not work, quit her job to look after her kid. now, she has difficulty looking for another job and has to be dependent on her husband for income. god forbids, what if one day, her husband left her for another woman? what is going to happen to her and her son?
while i am proud of my child for achieving all her mini-milestones in life (walking, drinking on her own, picking up a tissue), i do not think that all these happiness makes me feel that all the hardship and tiredness is worth it. i am not the kind who will not bear to leave her with my MIL just so that i can have a day to myself. i will not miss her when i am on a 2 day trip to malacca. those two days are time for myself. i owe it to myself to enjoy and relax and have a break. hell, i am not just her mother, i am a woman too. i may be given the womb and egg and uterus to have a child, but i have the brains to know what i want and what i do not want.
for women who had difficulties having babies and are trying so hard to have a child, i feel for you. because i know the happiness and joy of having a child, i know what you are losing out. but we mummies are humans too. we get tired, we have bad days at work, we have work to be responsible for, shitty colleagues and bosses to deal with, cranky kids and sometimes families who give us more trouble than help us. it is not that we do not love our children. we do. we just need an avenue to vent our frustrations, so that after ranting, we can continue to strive on and be a better parent for our child.