Lost and scared

[Ying22]

Hi mummies here..

It took me a while to post the thread here. Gonna be a Long post. The situation between me and my hubs seem to be bad. He has become someone I don't know and scary. He has always protray the nice hub and good Father image. But deep inside, he's totally not. He has high sex drive and always revolving eyes checking out any gals.

Things started when we got married and then I was almost immediately pregnant. Just 2 months. We wanted a kid soon as we wanna start before 30. But soon after my first was born n only a few months old I realised he has been chatting on those dating apps. Starting with WeChat. I caught him once on the phone talking in wee hours like 2am when I went toilet. I was stunned n he was equally shocked n hang up. I confronted him n went for church Counselling. He said he will stop n need time. He assured me saying that these r jus chats n he don't meet them.

Nope he did not stop till now. My first is alr coming 4. Not only that he expanded his dating apps to like tinder, Skype, skout, bee talk basically anything u can find in the apps store. He can chat with many different gals on different apps.

Recently in may someone caught him with another gal in our workplace area. 3 of them actually n they decided to tell me. That was the start. I again confronted him. Again he said he will stop n delete those apps but he didn't. In fact he continues to meet that gal. N they were obviously having affair. Till date he still shows no remorseful or repentance. I think he wants best of both world. I love him a lot. But I don't think I can accept it anymore. I don't know how to move on. It's too scary.

Jus wanna share out n see if mummies here can share any advices.

 

[Sofia Kuo]

How can you accept your hubby treats you like that? He keeps telling lies to you and trying to soothe you.....
His actions apparently shows no respect to your marriage. You must do something to stop this... even you know you love him so much, you still need to let him know that he'll lose you if he keeps doing this.

 

[yuiyui]

he has no respect for u that all i can say

 

[Ying22]

I don't know. He wants the best of both world. Now if I leave he will want my 2 children. I'm worried I'll lose them all. That woman is also formidable.

 

[confusemum]

Both of you working together as you said he is having affair with the lady who is same working place.

Are you sure u can tahan all these as u can see or hear about them? Also u are totally aware he is having affair.
U ask yourself, do u still love him and still wan this family or u only love the kids?

If you only love the kids, you can jus go and file for divorce cos Singapore law is protect we women not men. I even read an article that the mother is having affair and expected another guy's baby. The father fight for his daughter but lose cos in law no matter how unfaithful that mother is she only unfaithful to her hubby and don't mean she cannot be a good mother.
Few of my guy friends also lose their kid to wife all most of the wives having affair outside.

 

[Ying22]

Both of you working together as you said he is having affair with the lady who is same working place.

Are you sure u can tahan all these as u can see or hear about them? Also u are totally aware he is having affair.
U ask yourself, do u still love him and still wan this family or u only love the kids?

If you only love the kids, you can jus go and file for divorce cos Singapore law is protect we women not men. I even read an article that the mother is having affair and expected another guy's baby. The father fight for his daughter but lose cos in law no matter how unfaithful that mother is she only unfaithful to her hubby and don't mean she cannot be a good mother.
Few of my guy friends also lose their kid to wife all most of the wives having affair outside.

Thanks for your advice & good to know that the kids will still follow me. Of cos if can, I would like to keep the family in tact. Meaning I do still have feelings for him. But also knowing what he has done, it is also difficult for me to carry on cos he will not change. He wasn't remorseful or repentance till now. I feel he jus wanna keep me as his Wife for display. But still wanna have more fun outside. It's not jus one woman, it's more than one. That woman told me she's the fifth and not counting those one off. Plus now she also told me to go for checkup cos they have contacted std. I have done my checkup and pending for results to be out.

 

[jlohsc]

If I were you , I will let go someone that no longer full heart with me. Sometime, we do not want change as the feeling with love one still there and for the seek of children as well. If you have done your best to bring him back and he still doesn't want to change. What is the point for him to manipulate you?

Start a new life and take good care for your children. Times will heal. Look forward and be strong

Wish you all the best and hope you manage to find a way out of this darkness.

 

[sutralove]

Basically you married a lousy Husband. Husband if cannot control him, he will stray. Sorry, it's too late.

Hi mummies here..

It took me a while to post the thread here. Gonna be a Long post. The situation between me and my hubs seem to be bad. He has become someone I don't know and scary. He has always protray the nice hub and good Father image. But deep inside, he's totally not. He has high sex drive and always revolving eyes checking out any gals.

Things started when we got married and then I was almost immediately pregnant. Just 2 months. We wanted a kid soon as we wanna start before 30. But soon after my first was born n only a few months old I realised he has been chatting on those dating apps. Starting with WeChat. I caught him once on the phone talking in wee hours like 2am when I went toilet. I was stunned n he was equally shocked n hang up. I confronted him n went for church Counselling. He said he will stop n need time. He assured me saying that these r jus chats n he don't meet them.

Nope he did not stop till now. My first is alr coming 4. Not only that he expanded his dating apps to like tinder, Skype, skout, bee talk basically anything u can find in the apps store. He can chat with many different gals on different apps.

Recently in may someone caught him with another gal in our workplace area. 3 of them actually n they decided to tell me. That was the start. I again confronted him. Again he said he will stop n delete those apps but he didn't. In fact he continues to meet that gal. N they were obviously having affair. Till date he still shows no remorseful or repentance. I think he wants best of both world. I love him a lot. But I don't think I can accept it anymore. I don't know how to move on. It's too scary.

Jus wanna share out n see if mummies here can share any advices.

 

[Kafka]

Do you have any friends who work in Law who might be able to advise you? I think in this case, you would be very likely to have custody of your kids should you decide to go separate ways.

I'm thinking you should respect yourself more and not put up with a man like this. But we are not you. Perhaps you do love him very much and will put up with this behavior...good luck and I hope you eventually make a decision you find peace with.

 

[sutralove]

You can try pro Bono lawyer in Singapore. They're free and help the truly helpless (financially) go search it.

I think u have to start finding a job now to have custody, because without being able to support your kids, they might not award custodian to u, if your Husband is fighting for them too.

your marriage is not fake however to divorce u need to divorce according to the laws in that country u signed your marriage papers. Alimony assets all u need proof. My suggestion is u get close to him, try to accept him once again and find out everything about him, get a PI in China, get proof of everything , a job for at least 5 months then divorce

Do you have any friends who work in Law who might be able to advise you? I think in this case, you would be very likely to have custody of your kids should you decide to go separate ways.

I'm thinking you should respect yourself more and not put up with a man like this. But we are not you. Perhaps you do love him very much and will put up with this behavior...good luck and I hope you eventually make a decision you find peace with.

 

[Ying22]

If I were you , I will let go someone that no longer full heart with me. Sometime, we do not want change as the feeling with love one still there and for the seek of children as well. If you have done your best to bring him back and he still doesn't want to change. What is the point for him to manipulate you?

Start a new life and take good care for your children. Times will heal. Look forward and be strong

Wish you all the best and hope you manage to find a way out of this darkness.

Thanks for your well wishes. I can't wait to get out. It has been more clear and clearer. Despite me finding out about him, he still wasn't remorseful and still go out and have fun. I really think he couldn't care much about me and the kids. Anyways I've made up my mind. I am gg to leave him. Starting to prepare to remove my stuff from his house slowly. As for assets I will try to get it from his parents place quietly.

 

[Ying22]

Do you have any friends who work in Law who might be able to advise you? I think in this case, you would be very likely to have custody of your kids should you decide to go separate ways.

I'm thinking you should respect yourself more and not put up with a man like this. But we are not you. Perhaps you do love him very much and will put up with this behavior...good luck and I hope you eventually make a decision you find peace with.

I have decided. Or rather he has helped me decided by his actions. He isn't remorseful and still continue his ways. I have found a lawyer who has advised me on my house and kids. At this moment, I am still working. For the divorce, I'll Ensure he contributes to the kids lifestyle from their milk to childcare fees. I loved him a lot and gave him more than enough time and chances to change. But I've woken up and I need to move on for myself and my children. Life will be tough but it will be happier. No more mental distress.

 

[Kafka]

All the best to you Ying! I hope all goes smoothly for you.

 

[sutralove]

That's good to hear you've picked yourself and decided on healing your heart and be strong! Jiayou to you and best for the future. Hard work never fails anyone work while you can

I have decided. Or rather he has helped me decided by his actions. He isn't remorseful and still continue his ways. I have found a lawyer who has advised me on my house and kids. At this moment, I am still working. For the divorce, I'll Ensure he contributes to the kids lifestyle from their milk to childcare fees. I loved him a lot and gave him more than enough time and chances to change. But I've woken up and I need to move on for myself and my children. Life will be tough but it will be happier. No more mental distress.

 

[garlin]

Counselling

I have decided. Or rather he has helped me decided by his actions. He isn't remorseful and still continue his ways. I have found a lawyer who has advised me on my house and kids. At this moment, I am still working. For the divorce, I'll Ensure he contributes to the kids lifestyle from their milk to childcare fees. I loved him a lot and gave him more than enough time and chances to change. But I've woken up and I need to move on for myself and my children. Life will be tough but it will be happier. No more mental distress.

Ying,care to share your lawyer's contact n fees?
As I'm oso undergoing the same path as you in a way.
To top it worse off, he's a perpetual liar. I felt such a fool!

 

[godaddygo]

Many Singaporeans are getting sicker these days. They tend to go astray and its sad. I do go to some other forums and realise the guys these days tend to even try to take upskirts of girls. Its sick.

 

[garlin]

Many Singaporeans are getting sicker these days. They tend to go astray and its sad. I do go to some other forums and realise the guys these days tend to even try to take upskirts of girls. Its sick.

Dunno what guys are up to. Can't they just be contended?
Y are they making lives of women (the one they'd loved and make vows to) so miserable?

 

[garlin]

Ying,care to share your lawyer's contact n fees?
As I'm oso undergoing the same path as you in a way.
To top it worse off, he's a perpetual liar. I felt such a fool!

Ying, care to share ur lawyer contacts and ur process of going through this?

A part of me ask me to let go, a part of me really 舍不得. Months I tot I was progressing well when no contact with him. Yday cox the school couldn't get me as my gal is sick, contacted him and I went back to sq1. Days of sleepless night and cries.
How can I break through this vicious cycle??

 

[Ying22]

Ying,care to share your lawyer's contact n fees?
As I'm oso undergoing the same path as you in a way.
To top it worse off, he's a perpetual liar. I felt such a fool!

Sorry to hear that you also faced the same as me.

Anyway I've engaged Kalco Law LLC.
You can check their website at www.kalcolaw.com.sg
My lawyer is Ms Rina Kalpanath Singh and the associate that assist to advise me is Ms Andrea Lim.

The cost range from SGD 300 to 500/hour. It is a case by case basis. I have paid an upfront 3k as mine was likely to be a contested case. For normal uncontested cases, it usually range from SGD 2k to 3k. Very important to find Lawyers whom you feel comfortable with.

You have to check if your case will be contested. Hope it's not as it will be cheaper.

For me, I may end up not divorce and give him another chance. But only after he goes for the sex addiction Counselling with a professional psychiatrist. Only after this then I can ascertain if I should give another chance.

But ultimately I also wanna stay for my house. Not willing to give up the house just like that.

Take care!

 

[Ying22]

Many Singaporeans are getting sicker these days. They tend to go astray and its sad. I do go to some other forums and realise the guys these days tend to even try to take upskirts of girls. Its sick.

You should also go check out this even more sick forum called undertable swingers community. These people inside here, meet to have sex or have their sexual desires or pleasures met. Having group sex or exchange sex partners. The gals here are.... rolled eyes... they know when to engage the guys so that the guys don't get caught by girlfriends or wives.

This is really an eye opener for me. The world is weird....

 

[garlin]

Sorry to hear that you also faced the same as me.

Anyway I've engaged Kalco Law LLC.
You can check their website at www.kalcolaw.com.sg
My lawyer is Ms Rina Kalpanath Singh and the associate that assist to advise me is Ms Andrea Lim.

The cost range from SGD 300 to 500/hour. It is a case by case basis. I have paid an upfront 3k as mine was likely to be a contested case. For normal uncontested cases, it usually range from SGD 2k to 3k. Very important to find Lawyers whom you feel comfortable with.

You have to check if your case will be contested. Hope it's not as it will be cheaper.

For me, I may end up not divorce and give him another chance. But only after he goes for the sex addiction Counselling with a professional psychiatrist. Only after this then I can ascertain if I should give another chance.

But ultimately I also wanna stay for my house. Not willing to give up the house just like that.

Take care!

Tts nice to know. But how did it end up tt u'r willing to give him another chance?
Did he show remorse or admitted his prob?

 

[Ying22]

Tts nice to know. But how did it end up tt u'r willing to give him another chance?
Did he show remorse or admitted his prob?

Well it took a Long while of Cha Cha - back n forth. I'm not exactly want to give him another chance right away. I'm still waiting for the appointment to the Sex addict Counselling. I want to hear what the Counsellor or psychiatrist have to say about him before I make the final decision.

He suddenly realised the difference in my actions or attitude. Last time whenever we have disagreements or him angry/unhappy or what. I'll run to him even if he don't make any sense/ wrong or logical. But this time round I did not. I left him all alone. So I guess this was the turning point. He came to find me n beg me for another chance. I was still firm and mad at the whole findings. It was worse when I found out about the undertable swingers community. I jus want to end it fast. But the divorce took time. As I have 2 young kids of less than 14 of age, I need to attend the mandatory parenting program (MPP) and also receive the HDB query which only the Lawyers can send on behalf of me. These 2 items needed to be done before I can send the divorce letter. The MPP waa fully booked in June and when I finally got my appointment it was mid July. The HDB side still no reply. Heard it usually takes 4-6weeks. So during these times, he sort of changed and finally took responsibility as a Father and Husband. I still tell him I'm mad and no change of mind for divorce as what he has done was really too much. Now I'm really just monitoring him. But likely to give him one last chance Depending on the Counselling.

How is your case like? Do you also have young children?

 

[garlin]

Well it took a Long while of Cha Cha - back n forth. I'm not exactly want to give him another chance right away. I'm still waiting for the appointment to the Sex addict Counselling. I want to hear what the Counsellor or psychiatrist have to say about him before I make the final decision.

He suddenly realised the difference in my actions or attitude. Last time whenever we have disagreements or him angry/unhappy or what. I'll run to him even if he don't make any sense/ wrong or logical. But this time round I did not. I left him all alone. So I guess this was the turning point. He came to find me n beg me for another chance. I was still firm and mad at the whole findings. It was worse when I found out about the undertable swingers community. I jus want to end it fast. But the divorce took time. As I have 2 young kids of less than 14 of age, I need to attend the mandatory parenting program (MPP) and also receive the HDB query which only the Lawyers can send on behalf of me. These 2 items needed to be done before I can send the divorce letter. The MPP waa fully booked in June and when I finally got my appointment it was mid July. The HDB side still no reply. Heard it usually takes 4-6weeks. So during these times, he sort of changed and finally took responsibility as a Father and Husband. I still tell him I'm mad and no change of mind for divorce as what he has done was really too much. Now I'm really just monitoring him. But likely to give him one last chance Depending on the Counselling.

How is your case like? Do you also have young children?

Ying, so nice. At least there's a change in your husband, tt he's willing to change.

Mine show no remorse, nothing.
He has changed completely to a different person, wearing earrings etc.

I had 3 young children. Prev years found out his lying etc etc, chatting with gals via email n text, or see porn. I'd forgiven him until 4 yrs ago, his affair with his co-worker. Tt time I'd moved back to my parents' place with my 3 young kids. Then he was still sorry and wanted to work on our marriage. I tot we were all putting in our best to forget the past. Last year he said he wanted to start his own business. I supported him as a wife, giving him my full support knowing that he'd always wanted to do business. Only to know he had betrayed n lied to me. Saw his receipt for prayers for him and the OW's lost baby, he explained said was prior I still believed him. And he still try to blame on my parents. In apr, I saw him holding hands with the OW shopping. This man totally changed. He doesn't want to answer to my questions, all is dunno etc. slightly more that I asked, he flared for no reason. It's just his lies n lies n lies.

He agreed to go counseling but I seriously dunno how open is he and how much it'll work. Asked him things he say leave it to the counseling.

Now I can only try to find a lawyer who is cheaper and can fight for my benefits. I'd prev met 1, charging 3k and she's like I can put down whatever u list but it's up to him to accept tt kind and doesn't offer much solution.

A tough journey and I dun understand how can 1 change so much. He's like with separate personalities.

 

[Ying22]

Ying, so nice. At least there's a change in your husband, tt he's willing to change.

Mine show no remorse, nothing.
He has changed completely to a different person, wearing earrings etc.

I had 3 young children. Prev years found out his lying etc etc, chatting with gals via email n text, or see porn. I'd forgiven him until 4 yrs ago, his affair with his co-worker. Tt time I'd moved back to my parents' place with my 3 young kids. Then he was still sorry and wanted to work on our marriage. I tot we were all putting in our best to forget the past. Last year he said he wanted to start his own business. I supported him as a wife, giving him my full support knowing that he'd always wanted to do business. Only to know he had betrayed n lied to me. Saw his receipt for prayers for him and the OW's lost baby, he explained said was prior I still believed him. And he still try to blame on my parents. In apr, I saw him holding hands with the OW shopping. This man totally changed. He doesn't want to answer to my questions, all is dunno etc. slightly more that I asked, he flared for no reason. It's just his lies n lies n lies.

He agreed to go counseling but I seriously dunno how open is he and how much it'll work. Asked him things he say leave it to the counseling.

Now I can only try to find a lawyer who is cheaper and can fight for my benefits. I'd prev met 1, charging 3k and she's like I can put down whatever u list but it's up to him to accept tt kind and doesn't offer much solution.

A tough journey and I dun understand how can 1 change so much. He's like with separate personalities.

Oh my.. I Guess my case is more like yours when you first found out. My friends sent me a lot of reading and etc on marriage and how to tell the signs of a reverse Prince Charming.
Can I just ask as you have 3 young kids, is he still active is caring for the kids? Does he even show concern if the kids has fallen ill or injured etc? Does he follow up with the kids progress in school?
I am asking this because if he's a jerk, bastard or f**ker as a Husband but still does his duties as a Father then at least he's still a Father. But if he is not even caring much then leave it as it is so that you can have the full control of the kids. But you need to start to prepare how you will be caring for the kids on your own as well. My case was still ok cos my parents are the main caregiver.
Divorce isn't easy at all. Even if both is willing for divorce. The process is tiring.
may I check if ur hubby knows you are looking at divorce? Cos mine changed when he felt that I'm dead serious when I mentioned divorce. My friends felt that he would lose everything if he divorced including that woman as that woman is also married and has a kid. So he would lose me, kids plus that woman. Nett nett he gained nth. So maybe I feel he Wanna salvage the marriage cos of this.
For a contested divorce, it will cost a lot. Average like 7-8k and if goes to court, it may even drag to 20-40k. I've heard of cases where wives paid 100k for divorce. So financially wise, we need to be prepared. Even if we are working, it's also financial strained.
As for the Counselling, just go and see. See what he has to say. If he is silent, then you can also tell he's hopeless. Cos if he is keen to work on the marriage, the minimum he needs to share his point of view and also ask how to work on the marriage.
It's really sad that we have to go through this. I can feel for you being a Mother of 3 young kids. It isn't easy at all to manage. I have 2 alr Chui. Must be strong ok???

 

[garlin]

Oh my.. I Guess my case is more like yours when you first found out. My friends sent me a lot of reading and etc on marriage and how to tell the signs of a reverse Prince Charming.
Can I just ask as you have 3 young kids, is he still active is caring for the kids? Does he even show concern if the kids has fallen ill or injured etc? Does he follow up with the kids progress in school?
I am asking this because if he's a jerk, bastard or f**ker as a Husband but still does his duties as a Father then at least he's still a Father. But if he is not even caring much then leave it as it is so that you can have the full control of the kids. But you need to start to prepare how you will be caring for the kids on your own as well. My case was still ok cos my parents are the main caregiver.
Divorce isn't easy at all. Even if both is willing for divorce. The process is tiring.
may I check if ur hubby knows you are looking at divorce? Cos mine changed when he felt that I'm dead serious when I mentioned divorce. My friends felt that he would lose everything if he divorced including that woman as that woman is also married and has a kid. So he would lose me, kids plus that woman. Nett nett he gained nth. So maybe I feel he Wanna salvage the marriage cos of this.
For a contested divorce, it will cost a lot. Average like 7-8k and if goes to court, it may even drag to 20-40k. I've heard of cases where wives paid 100k for divorce. So financially wise, we need to be prepared. Even if we are working, it's also financial strained.
As for the Counselling, just go and see. See what he has to say. If he is silent, then you can also tell he's hopeless. Cos if he is keen to work on the marriage, the minimum he needs to share his point of view and also ask how to work on the marriage.
It's really sad that we have to go through this. I can feel for you being a Mother of 3 young kids. It isn't easy at all to manage. I have 2 alr Chui. Must be strong ok???

Ying, u got into the point. He doesn't even care when the kids are sick. That really saddens me. Though if u ask him to buy thermometer, he agreed. After that, no sight no sound.
Guess Counselling is he last resort, hopefully tt will wake him up.
Same here, thank God, I hav support from my parents whom are the main caretaker of the kids. But still, it's soooooo sooooo tiring....

 

[Ying22]

Ying, u got into the point. He doesn't even care when the kids are sick. That really saddens me. Though if u ask him to buy thermometer, he agreed. After that, no sight no sound.
Guess Counselling is he last resort, hopefully tt will wake him up.
Same here, thank God, I hav support from my parents whom are the main caretaker of the kids. But still, it's soooooo sooooo tiring....

Sigh. That's sad. But you have to ask him to care more for the kids. Like Ensure that he still does stuff for them. Like packing their stuff, Ensure they r fed or feed them. Wash their bottles clothes etc.. ask him to do all these at least for the kids. I hope he won't snatch the kids from you. Cos I feel kids our main source of support now. Bless you that ur parents are also helping. It must have been tough on them too. Jus go for the Counselling and see what he says.

 

[garlin]

Sigh. That's sad. But you have to ask him to care more for the kids. Like Ensure that he still does stuff for them. Like packing their stuff, Ensure they r fed or feed them. Wash their bottles clothes etc.. ask him to do all these at least for the kids. I hope he won't snatch the kids from you. Cos I feel kids our main source of support now. Bless you that ur parents are also helping. It must have been tough on them too. Jus go for the Counselling and see what he says.

Yes, I feel bad for my parents at their age, still have to go through this and worry abt me and their grandchildren.
I can't ask him to do all those as we are no longer staying with each other. He claims he won't fight anything with me. Worst come worst is tt's e truth and he won't fight the kids and the flat.
Do u hav a good lawyer to reckon?

 

[Ying22]

Yes, I feel bad for my parents at their age, still have to go through this and worry abt me and their grandchildren.
I can't ask him to do all those as we are no longer staying with each other. He claims he won't fight anything with me. Worst come worst is tt's e truth and he won't fight the kids and the flat.
Do u hav a good lawyer to reckon?

Oh ok. It's good that he won't fight anything with you. Then if he's agreeable to a divorce, then it will be a uncontested divorce. This will be cheaper. I have a few contacts which are cheaper. The one I have engaged also does contested. She is slightly more expensive. You can call them And check on the estimated cost first. You can also go down for a first free consultation. The law firm which I used is Kalco Law. My lawyer is Rina (senior partner) and Andrea. You can check with them.

 

[garlin]

Oh ok. It's good that he won't fight anything with you. Then if he's agreeable to a divorce, then it will be a uncontested divorce. This will be cheaper. I have a few contacts which are cheaper. The one I have engaged also does contested. She is slightly more expensive. You can call them And check on the estimated cost first. You can also go down for a first free consultation. The law firm which I used is Kalco Law. My lawyer is Rina (senior partner) and Andrea. You can check with them.

Thanks Ying for sharing the contacts!
Roughly how much are they charging?

 

[Ying22]

As

Thanks Ying for sharing the contacts!
Roughly how much are they charging?

As mine is initially a contested case. So I was charged for a initial 3k upfront. Then suppose to see how the case goes then add on later like 3 months later. The estimated total cost for a contested case quoted was 7-8k not gg to the court yet. If he still fights all the way which goes to court then it will be 20-40k. Super ex.
So I really hope yours will be a uncontested case to save cost. Custody of kids usually is a joint custody with the control under the mum.

 

[mimicoco77]

Ying, care to share ur lawyer contacts and ur process of going through this?

A part of me ask me to let go, a part of me really 舍不得. Months I tot I was progressing well when no contact with him. Yday cox the school couldn't get me as my gal is sick, contacted him and I went back to sq1. Days of sleepless night and cries.
How can I break through this vicious cycle??

Yes, u can. Take small steps at a time. For the sake of yr kids.

 

[QIANX2]

U mean he contested on not to divorce ?
if he contested n he lose, he need to pay for your lawyers fees right ?

 

[Ying22]

U mean he contested on not to divorce ?
if he contested n he lose, he need to pay for your lawyers fees right ?

For my case, in the start he said he will contest for not divorcing.. he also wants the kids. I was really mad like why do you need the kids for? And yes if he contested and lose the case, you can sought to ask him to pay your lawyer fees. But it also depends if he is willing. All must come into consensus as well. If not it will still drag on the settlement part.

 

[QIANX2]

Actually if u have evidence no need to be afraid of him contesting.
If the judge judged tat he need to pay, he can't refuses to pay

 

[Ying22]

Actually if u have evidence no need to be afraid of him contesting.
If the judge judged tat he need to pay, he can't refuses to pay

Yes. True but still waste money. Cos these money whether from me or him can go to the kids. Jus don't understand why guys so dick itchy and make us go through this. Money could have been better spent.

 

[jing77]

"A sign of intention cheat"
if he hasn't cheat yet, u still love him. cannot leave him, talk to him straight to the point.
At the main time let him/show him to know how much you love him.

 

[hopelessly lost]

Hi ladies... I have a similar problem. Husband recently got close to another colleague at work and is a changed person. Says that is the real him. All these years when he said he loved me, was a pretense. In 2016, we even got a new house together and now awaiting keys then this. And I know from the female it’s all purely platonic. But he seems so in love. Always wanting to text and talk to her. Go out in the evenings together. Go to church. Go to lunch. I have three kids with him and this is how he is treating me. He isn’t even sorry! Kept telling me he feels nothing.

 

[Eppy]

Hi ladies... I have a similar problem. Husband recently got close to another colleague at work and is a changed person. Says that is the real him. All these years when he said he loved me, was a pretense. In 2016, we even got a new house together and now awaiting keys then this. And I know from the female it’s all purely platonic. But he seems so in love. Always wanting to text and talk to her. Go out in the evenings together. Go to church. Go to lunch. I have three kids with him and this is how he is treating me. He isn’t even sorry! Kept telling me he feels


Goes Church!? Does he know he has sinned.

 

[Vivicry]

Yes. True but still waste money. Cos these money whether from me or him can go to the kids. Jus don't understand why guys so dick itchy and make us go through this. Money could have been better spent.

Me also having same situation. Husband got affair with his coll...and left me with 2 kids. But i wouldnt give him any chance since is the 2nd time he committed affair. Enough of torture...time to let go. Now still have to waste my time and energy to look for lawyer and later find a new place to shift. Their dick itchy and create problem for the family.

 

[mstham]

We ladies need to be strong especially for the kids. I had been through & I know it's tough but we just need to ride through this storm & everything will be alright. It's never easy especially when kids can understand what is happening in the house.

 

[be-brave]

is weird right? we marry the man, thinking that he is the Man. turn out, he is just a kid, a wild kid who just do things without thinking.

 

[Vivicry]

is weird right? we marry the man, thinking that he is the Man. turn out, he is just a kid, a wild kid who just do things without thinking.

Yes...exactly. Sometime wonder why he can just think of himself without thinking for the small ones. Really selfish.

 

[JL8118]

Yes...exactly. Sometime wonder why he can just think of himself without thinking for the small ones. Really selfish.

That why there's a saying says.. Man use their small head to think over their big head...

 

[Vivicry]

That why there's a saying says.. Man use their small head to think over their big head...

Totally agreed!

 

[Vivicry]

Now seems to be so lost...not sure how to take care of the kids without a father and setup a new home.
How you all managed to get through all these?

 

[Eppy]

Now seems to be so lost...not sure how to take care of the kids without a father and setup a new home.
How you all managed to get through all these?

You can do it. Did the father really help to take care of the kids in the past? Just chase him out of the house.