Life after divorce - what is it like?

No.
So it’s best to find a lawyer ASAP. And keep ALL RECEIPTS everything just sign on CREDIT CARD.

you mean it's difficult to request more than 50% child maintenance? Meaning while I'm already taking care the kids by myself yet I should be paying more than him to sustain the child expenses?
 


you mean it's difficult to request more than 50% child maintenance? Meaning while I'm already taking care the kids by myself yet I should be paying more than him to sustain the child expenses?

Child Maintenance is based on his earnings n your earnings. so if on par, it’s 50% equally divided. You can get more on matrimonial assets in terms of percentage since your indirect contribution is more but i doubt it will be a lot of difference since you mentioned both children still in childcare meaning short marriage.

Be focus look for a lawyer, be thankful you got rid of a dirty man that look for prostitutes.
 
Child Maintenance is based on his earnings n your earnings. so if on par, it’s 50% equally divided. You can get more on matrimonial assets in terms of percentage since your indirect contribution is more but i doubt it will be a lot of difference since you mentioned both children still in childcare meaning short marriage.

Be focus look for a lawyer, be thankful you got rid of a dirty man that look for prostitutes.

one one hand I constantly remind myself to be strong to fight for the rights of myself and the kids, on another hand I'm so emotional and filled with so much hatred and anger, it doesn't help when he just walk away without feeling remorseful. I don't know how to get through this especially its really tough on me now being the almost sole care taker of my two kids without any other support, I dun have any family member here to help out.
 
one one hand I constantly remind myself to be strong to fight for the rights of myself and the kids, on another hand I'm so emotional and filled with so much hatred and anger, it doesn't help when he just walk away without feeling remorseful. I don't know how to get through this especially its really tough on me now being the almost sole care taker of my two kids without any other support, I dun have any family member here to help out.

Practicable MUST DO
Talk to your friends, i believe they will come n help. My friends did up a roster to help me for 1 week or 2.
Get a helper in
Find a good lawyer
Transform all your anger and hatred into actionable items to do - Find n file receipts, write affidavits, read up more on parenting children during divorce. Go exercise with the kids, put them in the stroller and jog.

Your anger n bitterness will go away but it takes time, once it’s settled spend more time alone n find yourself.
Now focus first on the divorce since it’s moving so fast.
 
Practicable MUST DO
Talk to your friends, i believe they will come n help. My friends did up a roster to help me for 1 week or 2.
Get a helper in
Find a good lawyer
Transform all your anger and hatred into actionable items to do - Find n file receipts, write affidavits, read up more on parenting children during divorce. Go exercise with the kids, put them in the stroller and jog.

Your anger n bitterness will go away but it takes time, once it’s settled spend more time alone n find yourself.
Now focus first on the divorce since it’s moving so fast.

Keep a copy of all the important documents in office and with your trusted family members/ friends
That includes all the bills you pay, your loan to him (if any), his evidence of affairs and marriage cert
 
one one hand I constantly remind myself to be strong to fight for the rights of myself and the kids, on another hand I'm so emotional and filled with so much hatred and anger, it doesn't help when he just walk away without feeling remorseful. I don't know how to get through this especially its really tough on me now being the almost sole care taker of my two kids without any other support, I dun have any family member here to help out.
You hv every right to hate him n be angry esp when yr kids r still so young. Whats impt is the house n maintenance for the kids.Think its best to get a lawyer to help you get the best outcome.
 
while we are talking about life of the one being cheated after divorce here; how about the life after divorce of the party who cheat? I know I shouldn't bother this anymore but i just can't help to grudge while imagining him happily dating with that bitch
 
ribbit999,

Like what others said, keep receipts of the expenses you used/paid for your child. Maintainence/alimony fee is based on both salary. But if you have proof that you are paying for their expenses all these while, there's a chance that you can get more maintanence fee.

Well, trust me.. After divorce for a period of time, you will still think/miss the times with him, or what happened to him etc. But after certain period, you won't even bother if he dies or alive...
 
yes, I've already collected all the receipt and proof, even got the adultery evidence, but just not sure whether to use tat or not. Does proving adultery helps in getting more maintenance? I havent start looking for lawyer because he told me he will send the letter soon so I tot I will just wait and do the counter..
 
yes, I've already collected all the receipt and proof, even got the adultery evidence, but just not sure whether to use tat or not. Does proving adultery helps in getting more maintenance? I havent start looking for lawyer because he told me he will send the letter soon so I tot I will just wait and do the counter..

No! If you have evidence of adultery, he will pay for your lawyer’s fee. DONT SHARE THE SAME LAWYER!

ADULTERY won’t get you more child maintenance but your lawyer fee can be reimbursed.

Please GO N FIND A LAWYER, what you are asking now here - you can ask a lawyer. Get a good one since yours quite manipulative judging from what you described.
Your lawyer can help you but we can’t cux we cannot represent you in your divorce.
 
No! If you have evidence of adultery, he will pay for your lawyer’s fee. DONT SHARE THE SAME LAWYER!

ADULTERY won’t get you more child maintenance but your lawyer fee can be reimbursed.

Please GO N FIND A LAWYER, what you are asking now here - you can ask a lawyer. Get a good one since yours quite manipulative judging from what you described.
Your lawyer can help you but we can’t cux we cannot represent you in your divorce.


Thanks, I will start looking for lawyer, it only happened last month and I've been in hibernating mode for the past few weeks, guess it's time for me to start fighting now.
 
Pls note your receipt/proof can only keep for 6 months...
So since you have proof already, please go look for a good lawyer, and file for divorce
Even have proof, may not give you more of maintenance fee since it's based on both party salary, usage on child etc.
But like Eppy said, can reimbursed back your lawyer fee, which you already 'save' in this
 
Both of you should strive to live better than before so that your ex will know what he is missing. Be brave be strong thank God that you leave a man not worthy of your remaining time and effort. Travel, do volunteer work it will open your eyes n realized your predicament not that bad after all!! Go and enjoy your life, shopping, exercise, spa pamper yourself then you will know actually you used to be so unkind to yourself. Learn a new hobby and skill then you know actually you are capable.
 
Hi, I jz divorced and got final judgement. End my 21 years marriage. Time to time I will think back about the past. My ex got an affair with a vietnamese woman that have a child too. I have 2 kids with me now.

Your advise is good, take care of yourself.
 
my husb msg me this morning.. citing something on belief bias.. he said:
"In logic, an arguement can be invalid even if its conclusion is true, and an arguement can be valid even if its conclusion is false. It's a confusing concept, and people are easily fooled when an arguement's validity and believability don't match up, especially in the case of invalid arguements with conclusions that are believable. Psychological scientists call this phenomenon belief bias"

he said we both r having this belief bias, just that his is the worst case.. he said his belief bias is too strong so need to b in line with my belief..

he said he will need alot of time and his heart is really hurting n breaking up. Every night he is thinking about the woman, if she is ok? Did she go home? Did she eat regularly?

he said that she is partly his responsibility, that he made her the way she is now even she is willing to b unnamed. My husb said for him to come out is difficult, not as easy like ABC. Not like let go means let go. He somehow lost half a meaning in his life.. Another half is me n the kids. The guilt of making her become like this is just killing him too hard. Now he is feel that i kept pushing him to forget her. So I told him, i am now giving him time to forget and get over her isn't it? He says this just lingering in his mind. He dont have mood for anything. So I asked him, even for family and kids also no mood? He replied yes, no mood and nobody understands him. He said now he is with me and ask me don't worry.

I told him, yes he is with me, but no mood for anything even for the kids.. is it worth anything? He is like an empty shell with me.. So i asked him if he had feel for anything? Does he feel happy coming home everyday after work? Does he feel happy when he woke up? He says he is worried for her and he is at home and he does not need to worry anything. He says we can talk and play and eat.. what about her? Hence it is hard to let go either of us. N he says now he feels empty..

My situation is exactly the same as you. But I got divorced on Nov 2018. The reason was that he stayed with me and my 2 kids, but the heart is not there. My ex keep saying he was the one that made her life spoilt. Then how about my life? He was selfish and never think of this family. So the best was gave him up and move on with my life. Life still goes on.

You do not want to see his face like that all the time, he is forcing you to accept. Will be worst if you accept. Think about yourself and the kids. Do you want your kids to grow up in these kind of life?
 
Believe or not, those people who hurt us will have their karma. Karma will come after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life. I don't care who you are. What goes round, come around. Sooner or later, the universal will serve you the REVENGE you deserve.
 
Believe or not, those people who hurt us will have their karma. Karma will come after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life. I don't care who you are. What goes round, come around. Sooner or later, the universal will serve you the REVENGE you deserve.

If his heart is no longer with the wife, the best “revenge” is to let him go and the wife can lead the kind of life she wants. Marriage is difficult- I am sure that the wife compromised a lot during the marriage and can’t be her core self
 
If his heart is no longer with the wife, the best “revenge” is to let him go and the wife can lead the kind of life she wants. Marriage is difficult- I am sure that the wife compromised a lot during the marriage and can’t be her core self
You are right, I really compromised alot during the marriage. Is time to put a stop. Carry on with my own life. No matter is good or bad.
 
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Karma is one thing which i ageed with Veletgal.
Let the karma works itself out.

Most important..free yourself from those vines.
Scars will never heal..
Reborn with a fresh start.
Make new memories.. fill them as times goes by.
Is never too late.
Take the first step out.
 
Karma is one thing which i ageed with Veletgal.
Let the karma works itself out.

Most important..free yourself from those vines.
Scars will never heal..
Reborn with a fresh start.
Make new memories.. fill them as times goes by.
Is never too late.
Take the first step out.
Yes very true....we have to love ourselves more.
 
while I'm trying to move on and i think I can see myself in future, I can't help but wish to know life after divorce on the cheating party... will he get his karma? will he regret? will the other woman feeling guilty? and etc...
 
while I'm trying to move on and i think I can see myself in future, I can't help but wish to know life after divorce on the cheating party... will he get his karma? will he regret? will the other woman feeling guilty? and etc...
he will..but take time...
 
while I'm trying to move on and i think I can see myself in future, I can't help but wish to know life after divorce on the cheating party... will he get his karma? will he regret? will the other woman feeling guilty? and etc...
Hi, I am feeling like u when I got my final judgement. Five months after that, I slowly realized that if I keep feeling the hatred in my mind, I will never happy and move on.

Life will have to goes on...let the karma do the job and be happy. Go and find a new life. Occupy yourself with other things rather than keeping thinking these. Not easy I kn but you have to do it and release yourself.
 
while I'm trying to move on and i think I can see myself in future, I can't help but wish to know life after divorce on the cheating party... will he get his karma? will he regret? will the other woman feeling guilty? and etc...

Please stop thinking. You still love him? No right? His endgame will come, just have to wait. Now my ex keeps trying his luck to see me when i hand my kids over but then I don’t care, he can see my helper instead.

And i’m sure all of us can have a better future if only we let go.
 
Please stop thinking. You still love him? No right? His endgame will come, just have to wait. Now my ex keeps trying his luck to see me when i hand my kids over but then I don’t care, he can see my helper instead.

And i’m sure all of us can have a better future if only we let go.
Yes agreed with Eppy
His endgame will come, just need to wait.
Juz rem 人在做,天在看!
 
yes, I know the best way to move on is focus on myself rather than him, but it;s just difficult, I want him to regret, i dunno but maybe with him to feel regret that will give me a bit of relief from the pain I'm going through now. By the way, I've started engaging my lawyer and will send out the letter soon, I will file divorce based on the ground of adultery. Shall I also sue the other party?
 
yes, I know the best way to move on is focus on myself rather than him, but it;s just difficult, I want him to regret, i dunno but maybe with him to feel regret that will give me a bit of relief from the pain I'm going through now. By the way, I've started engaging my lawyer and will send out the letter soon, I will file divorce based on the ground of adultery. Shall I also sue the other party?
I know your feeling, but no use. He will nt regret until something happen. No point for you to torture yourself. Is his faults not yours...move on since there is nothing to say liao.

Adultery, u got evidence, photos within 6 months is evidences....for what u want to sue the other party?? U are letting her kn that you lost to her?

Jz finish off the divorce and get on with your life.

The best revenge is quietly live yr life happily...he will regret one day.

Please dun torture yourself alr.
 
yes, I have evidence, I hired PI for that last month. The other woman is very young, a fresh grad reporting to my soon-to-be-ex, I was thinking to sue her to let her family know what is their daughter doing
 
yes, I have evidence, I hired PI for that last month. The other woman is very young, a fresh grad reporting to my soon-to-be-ex, I was thinking to sue her to let her family know what is their daughter doing

No point.. Like what Veletgal mentioned. What reason you gonna sue her? For being a 3rd party?
Hey. You might be surprise. The slut's family may know too
 
The m
yes, I have evidence, I hired PI for that last month. The other woman is very young, a fresh grad reporting to my soon-to-be-ex, I was thinking to sue her to let her family know what is their daughter doing
at the most post it all over her social media to embarrass her.
 
yes, I know the best way to move on is focus on myself rather than him, but it;s just difficult, I want him to regret, i dunno but maybe with him to feel regret that will give me a bit of relief from the pain I'm going through now. By the way, I've started engaging my lawyer and will send out the letter soon, I will file divorce based on the ground of adultery. Shall I also sue the other party?

if you file for divorce, you are the plaintiff n your going to b ex hubby is the defendant. N the third party is the co- defendant. If you named her, make sure you get the correct name and also include how you know her identity like linked in profile or etc.

When you pursue under the grounds of adultery, both the defendant n co defendant is liable to pay for your divorce n PI fee.

N if you are going to make it ugly, You make sure you ask the lawyer to serve both of them but not you go n serve.

You must really think twice in this,
ask yourself does this help you to move on?
Remember whatever you do must do it the correct way so you won’t look ugly.
 
if you file for divorce, you are the plaintiff n your going to b ex hubby is the defendant. N the third party is the co- defendant. If you named her, make sure you get the correct name and also include how you know her identity like linked in profile or etc.

When you pursue under the grounds of adultery, both the defendant n co defendant is liable to pay for your divorce n PI fee.

N if you are going to make it ugly, You make sure you ask the lawyer to serve both of them but not you go n serve.

You must really think twice in this,
ask yourself does this help you to move on?
Remember whatever you do must do it the correct way so you won’t look ugly.

Yes, I know that girl, I even have her address because I know her and her ex-bf personally, in fact she was still with the ex-bf when she started together with my ex. And what make me so angry at her was becoz she "use" my daughter to win the heart of my ex, she always told my ex to bring my daughter out together when they went dating and she bought a lot of toys and etc to my daughter, and now my daughter has been telling me she miss her and that breaks my heart so much. And now while we haven't even officially file for divorce, she has been showing off their relationship and even told people my ex divorce with me is entirely not her fault coz that's just becoz of our own incompatible. I wanna let her parents know about all this, this girl comes from rich family and I even suspect my ex be with her for the money, and the girl is too naive to realize that, and the only person can "advice" her is her parents.
 
if you file for divorce, you are the plaintiff n your going to b ex hubby is the defendant. N the third party is the co- defendant. If you named her, make sure you get the correct name and also include how you know her identity like linked in profile or etc.

When you pursue under the grounds of adultery, both the defendant n co defendant is liable to pay for your divorce n PI fee.

N if you are going to make it ugly, You make sure you ask the lawyer to serve both of them but not you go n serve.

You must really think twice in this,
ask yourself does this help you to move on?
Remember whatever you do must do it the correct way so you won’t look ugly.
Agreed with Eppy.

Think before you do. And if it doesn't benefits you, then no point. Will make yourself more embarrassing.

The sooner u settle, the more you will benefits. Dun like my friend, 10 years already still hatred. This does not help in your health and make your life miserable.
 
if you file for divorce, you are the plaintiff n your going to b ex hubby is the defendant. N the third party is the co- defendant. If you named her, make sure you get the correct name and also include how you know her identity like linked in profile or etc.

When you pursue under the grounds of adultery, both the defendant n co defendant is liable to pay for your divorce n PI fee.

N if you are going to make it ugly, You make sure you ask the lawyer to serve both of them but not you go n serve.

You must really think twice in this,
ask yourself does this help you to move on?
Remember whatever you do must do it the correct way so you won’t look ugly.


And yes, why I wanted to sue both of them is becoz I also agree its better to let the lawyer serve both of them instead of me go to her house and make noise which make myself ugly. At least by suing her then it's the correct and legal way.
 
if you file for divorce, you are the plaintiff n your going to b ex hubby is the defendant. N the third party is the co- defendant. If you named her, make sure you get the correct name and also include how you know her identity like linked in profile or etc.

When you pursue under the grounds of adultery, both the defendant n co defendant is liable to pay for your divorce n PI fee.

N if you are going to make it ugly, You make sure you ask the lawyer to serve both of them but not you go n serve.

You must really think twice in this,
ask yourself does this help you to move on?
Remember whatever you do must do it the correct way so you won’t look ugly.

U only can name the 3rd party and send a letter that she is the 3rd party in a divorce pettion. If u successfully grant a divorce based on adultery u can only claim from your husband. U can’t claim from the 3rd party.

If u wan to sue the 3rd party u can only do it in high court and also u have to highlight what have the 3rd done for u to sue her and what kind of damages are u looking at. At the end of it, the cost of going to court is high and what u get back is really significant. So my advice don’t sue her just name her in your divorce pettion
 
U only can name the 3rd party and send a letter that she is the 3rd party in a divorce pettion. If u successfully grant a divorce based on adultery u can only claim from your husband. U can’t claim from the 3rd party.

If u wan to sue the 3rd party u can only do it in high court and also u have to highlight what have the 3rd done for u to sue her and what kind of damages are u looking at. At the end of it, the cost of going to court is high and what u get back is really significant. So my advice don’t sue her just name her in your divorce pettion

No need to go thru High court. Once precedent is set, the lower court judge can follow provided you go to court.
 
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Wendy is right. Can only claim against husband can’t claim against 3rd party.
If wan to can only claim damage but not easy to prove and cost a lot of money
 
Have you done it?
my friend did it but i did not because i didn’t want it to turn ugly as it’s an office affair n i still want him to have a job so i can still have child maintenance.
My friend managed to prove the marriage breakdown because of this affair with third party. The third party did not deny n was then asked to pay a portion of the fees in court.
 
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Found the precedent case, its from the lower court. Don’t even have to go to High Court
 

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Need to start the process somewhere but duno where to start. First, has anyone engaged any lawyer that has some empathy and not just going through the procedure only? Thought this kind of lawyer will lean towards helping us to get the most fair deal. Can it be done within a budget of 2k if uncontested?

If "he" don't mind, can the house sale proceeds not be returned to his cpf but dump into my new flat?
 


Need to start the process somewhere but duno where to start. First, has anyone engaged any lawyer that has some empathy and not just going through the procedure only? Thought this kind of lawyer will lean towards helping us to get the most fair deal. Can it be done within a budget of 2k if uncontested?

If "he" don't mind, can the house sale proceeds not be returned to his cpf but dump into my new flat?

$2000 lawyer, only for all terms to be agreed. That’s only the basic paperwork with no disputes in child n assets.

i don’t understand your second question. All amount n interest accrued must return to CPF, whatever sale profit is cash, of course no need to return to cpf.
If you are asking, can your hubby transfer his cpf used for the house to your cpf? Yes, provided he don’t mind.
 

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