Life after divorce - what is it like?


Does anyone here divorce peacefully w/o kids?

I won't say peacefully. Mine was uncontested and we mutually agreed on all things so it is straight forward (but trying to talk to each other calmly is not easy). No matter how both sides agree to handle it calmly, when it comes to money and divorce, it takes a toll on both parties. If can, don't go for contested so that it won't drag too long. The longer it drags, the more emotional it gets.... During the process and after that, I cried till my tears dried. But divorce without kids is slightly easier as you do not have to fight for the custody. We are also not needed to be present at the court. You do need to take care of yourself and try to move on after that. Take care!
 
How to overcome divorce??! Feel so lonely at times even though I did go out with friends/colleagues. But sometimes just wish someone can love me as well.
 
How to overcome divorce??! Feel so lonely at times even though I did go out with friends/colleagues. But sometimes just wish someone can love me as well.

Time. Every passing day is always better than yesterday. Accept your grief, accept your change of lifestyle. Take good care of yourself during these trying time. As long as you are in good shape, you will love and be loved again.
Divorce isn't an end. It's a new chapter in your life. Accept, learn and move on.
You will appreciate this divorce in time to come.
 
I won't say peacefully. Mine was uncontested and we mutually agreed on all things so it is straight forward (but trying to talk to each other calmly is not easy). No matter how both sides agree to handle it calmly, when it comes to money and divorce, it takes a toll on both parties. If can, don't go for contested so that it won't drag too long. The longer it drags, the more emotional it gets.... During the process and after that, I cried till my tears dried. But divorce without kids is slightly easier as you do not have to fight for the custody. We are also not needed to be present at the court. You do need to take care of yourself and try to move on after that. Take care!
I am trying to accept this fact..
He stay out for few days and back home for few days, trying to adapt myself to this 'single' life and w/o him...feel home is very empty w/o him and I intend to slp early...cos no one at home at nite...
 
Yes,mine too.He abandoned us and went back to camp and sleep.

His daughters had not seen him for some time.
 
but we still behave as normal...we still hold hands when we are outside and will feed each other for food...and we still whatapps each other....this made me very terrible
 
Mine totally disappeared and remained uncontactable and not even visiting the children when our divorce proceedings has not even started.
 
I open up to him on my feelings and he is like escaping now. I suggested we talk about it as to where we are heading now since I m leaving and he keep dragging the talk.

I don’t know how to deal with him anymore except to just move on if he still doesn’t wanna talk about it.

https://babe.net/2016/05/31/took-initiative-week-im-never-going-back-2215

Have you ever thought of the possibilities whereby both parties are trying to form a relationship but with different agendas? At the very least, you took the step forward and you have probably gotten the answer to your inner heart. Your initiative is still admirable after-all. :)
 
uncontested is when you both agree to the terms.. example in the division of the flat and who will have the custody of the kids. if either one is not agreeable, then it will be a contested one.

I spoke to him...He says he wants out asap and willing to split everything 50/50.
 
my husband want to share himself with the both of us.. he wants me to split 50/50 with us both.. as in time.. he wants me to give him spend time with her 3days overnight with her. and the rest is for me and kids.. ridiculous it think.. the thought of him meeting the woman once a week already makes me uncomfortable... he still want me to let him stay over with her for 3days. i cant imagine if there are any wives who will do this? up till now he is still fabricating fairytale story (as in he can have both woman together)

Hello...It is not the animal world where a male lion can have 2-4 women by himself.

Ask him to stop daydreaming.
 
Yes he is.. he not giving me the flat. He also want the kids.. saying he take the kids is for my good.. say I can't afford to raise the kids..

Stay strong...Like what Rostrum said,build stronger bonds with your kids.

My ex is no less the same as yours.All self centred attitude.
 
Which woman can accept unless he is super rich and can well provide u for the family?

He definitely wants the best of both worlds.

Judging from what you post, I think most likely you have to go contested.

As for custody, the 9 yo most likely goes to you but the 12 yo might be able to decide for himself. This you have to ask your Lawyer.

At the meantime, please keep a close bond with your children. Looks like your Hb is going to contest you with almost everything.

Legal costs will be expensive for contested divorce. I have a friend who was contesting for his kids’ custody rights and gave up when the legal fees reaches $80k.

Are you a SAHM? Are you eligible for legal aid?
 
Legal costs will be expensive for contested divorce. I have a friend who was contesting for his kids’ custody rights and gave up when the legal fees reaches $80k.

Are you a SAHM? Are you eligible for legal aid?

My lawyer say most case will end at mediation.. my husb also not rich so I think he also cannot afford to contest for too long.. n in this case is his wrong first so I think his family also won't support him if he were to contest.. and I am full time employed not sahm
 
Yours is long term marriage so definitely you will get a bigger share of the house but don’t expect 100% as the judges now is unlike last time.

Just to share with you, my 3 kids are under my care n control so I keep the house and I purchase it from him by refunding partial of his Cpf back to his account. Even then the court only award me 60% of the house. Zero maintenance for myself n 1.3k maintenance for the 3 kids (currently all under 7). The judge saw that my earning power is higher then my ex hence I was not been ordered then what I expects. However I m grateful that I got to keep the flat n minimize any changes to the kids.

Are you working? Are you able to take over the flat should you are only awarded part of the house? Only the parent with care n control is able to keep the flat forming a family nucleus. All these you got to work it out.

Meanwhile please keep all receipts for the expenses of the family. N keep track of the expenses n keep a record. It will b very useful in time to come.

Arm yourself with family legal laws. Some lawyers won’t be so thorough n its best you yourself is equipped with some knowledge also. If really go contested, it’s best you prepare your own affidavits n let your Lawyer amend it thereafter as no one knows your own matters better then yourself.

I don't normally keep receipts as me n my husb share the cost in the family.. if I return him partial cpf I shld still be able to afford.. I want to get the custody of my kids.. the lawyer say shldnt b a prob as the law supports woman.. n kids normally go to mother..
 
Just let the guys be...
The PRC will be stripping them of their money and dump them.
And we will be enjoying our life without all these liabilities and burden
 
is this thread still active? i am also looking into divorce with my husband as he has an affair. i have been married to him for 13yrs and have 2 kids age 9 and 12. he wants me to accept his lover and coexist together. which i find i am not able to accept her. my husband does not want to let her go as he says he love her and me too. he also doesnt want to divorce
Why not?He deserves it...

I don't just want to slap him but want to kick his family jewels
hmm he doesn’t think he deserved the 2 slaps cos I make him lose his dignity and didn’t respect him so he told after that 2 slaps no more chance of any reconciliation between us.
 
Cannot use Cpf.
Either cash or bank loan.
For my case, I took over the outstanding loan of current flat n refinance my house n took up the amount needed to refund back to his Cpf as well. So I loan as a total n repay back every month.

So is better to loan and repay using CPF ?
 
Thank you for the link!
From my scenario, what agendas do you see?

Your agenda is straight to the point. You really just wanted to have a serious relationship with him whereby both of you can grow together. If not, you wouldn't had put in so much careful thoughts till the extend of leaving the company just to be with him.

My gut instinct tells me there is an agenda there. But I am not him and not able to be in his shoes thus I wouldn't jump into any conclusion. :)
 
For court order, as long as the word “purchase” is used, you would need to pay 20% down payment for taking over the house if u using bank loan. So my court order is “transfer the house other then by way of sale” with refund partial Cpf back to him. The refund back to his Cpf cannot use our Cpf. Can only use cash or mortgage loan. This part you have to check with banker very carefully as some lawyers also not familiar when comes to conveyancing.

As for the outstanding loan of the house, can use our Cpf to finance the house.

D reason y I didn’t touch my OA for the house cos every year I can earn 4% interest from Cpf whereas my bank loan for the hse is only 1.4% per year. N my OA I keep it for my kids tertiary education in future as I can utilize part of my OA for education. If I m not wrong is 40% of OA.

So for all these please plan according to your comfort.

If the word “purchase” is used, can I use CPF?
 
Just let the guys be...
The PRC will be stripping them of their money and dump them.
And we will be enjoying our life without all these liabilities and burden
If it's prc den at least I know mayb bcos of money.. but my husb is involve with a local 26yo.. my husb also not rich.. the woman says love my husb.. blah blah.. n my husb say love her bcos he got the feel like our park tor period that kind of love..
 
They are very defensive when they are bitten themselves.

Like mine,he blamed me for getting his parents to fly in from Australia suddenly and settling scores with him.

My elder daughter is the one who emailed her grandma and I did not even know about it
 


Went out to eat secretly not shameful meh?

If I could,I would also want to expose his deeds outside.
I also wish to go to the woman hse n tell her mum what her daughter has done to other ppl family.. home wrecker.. I have her address.. so wish to print out phamplets n put into all letter box in her estate.. but think this is illegal.. get caught bcos of this den not worth
 

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