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[hello18]

my hubby and I quarrel ever so often... both of us have v bad tempers and I bring up divorce many times. I actually really duno if I love him anymore. but what I do know is he’s the best father to my baby. No other guy will love my baby the way he does.
We quarrelled again today, I then think about how unhappy I’ve been in this marriage. Two months no sex, menses just came. I somehow feel he’s stressed about the need to give sex. But you guys are right, I need to be more encouraging. Sex aside, I realise I don’t have much patience towards him. I sometimes wonder if it’s because I don’t feel any love for him anymore so things he do usually just irk me.

Any marriage counselling to recommend?

 

[hello18]

Seems your hubby having the same issue as my hubby previously.
My hubby also can't really stay hard in the night if we manage to move on to sex. Otherwise it will only stay hard for a while, and soft again... His reason is that he's tired/stress over work. But funny is morning, he can 'stand', and stay hard. So in order to maintain our sex life, we can only do it in the morning. Try to wake up 30 mins or 1 hour before the normal time you both need to wake up. Perhaps this way can at least have some intimacy once per week.

I strongly agreed with the bold one you wrote. I too feel without sex, even with a good family, it's not a 'happy' marriage. Or at least I don't feel happy in the marriage.

Probably I'm more 'demanding' in your case though. That I want at least twice per week. Not saying I have high sex drive, but I think twice per week is consider 'normal'. Moreover before marriage, we did like 3-4 times per week. Even after giving birth, we still have at least 5 times every 2 week. But as child grow older, our sex life lesser. So sometimes I wonder about his 'reason'. But since he can only stay hard in the morning, at least we organise something out to be done in the morning. Chinese/Hokkien says 'No fish, prawn also good'.


To: p_eppermint & Edwin Yeo,

Yes. Indeed there's lupsup ktv out there for ladies. We call it gigolo club/pub.

This sounds so familiar. At times when we manage to do it at night, he will wake up the next day telling me his legs ache like mad n that he feels so so tired. is that really true, guys?

Anyway, I doubt we can stick to doing in the mornings. Mornings are always v rushed for us plus he always has trouble waking on time for work even.

I saw in your later post that you and ur hub have stopped doing it already? I guess it’s time to have a talk with him again?

 

[JL8118]

my hubby and I quarrel ever so often... both of us have v bad tempers and I bring up divorce many times. I actually really duno if I love him anymore. but what I do know is he’s the best father to my baby. No other guy will love my baby the way he does.
We quarrelled again today, I then think about how unhappy I’ve been in this marriage. Two months no sex, menses just came. I somehow feel he’s stressed about the need to give sex. But you guys are right, I need to be more encouraging. Sex aside, I realise I don’t have much patience towards him. I sometimes wonder if it’s because I don’t feel any love for him anymore so things he do usually just irk me.

Any marriage counselling to recommend?

Same thoughts. I feel he's the best father for the kids afterall, and no one can replace him. Which is why I'm staying on mainly cause of this. Different is I still love him still. Just the way he behaved, and those things he did, I can't really stand it. If he is outside finding woman, probably it still fine for me, that I'm unaware of it, and thus not so miserable. But since I found out, I don't know how to handle/cope with such. Part of me still love him, wish to forgive and want to continue with him. The other part of me, is telling me a No No.

This sounds so familiar. At times when we manage to do it at night, he will wake up the next day telling me his legs ache like mad n that he feels so so tired. is that really true, guys?

Anyway, I doubt we can stick to doing in the mornings. Mornings are always v rushed for us plus he always has trouble waking on time for work even.

I saw in your later post that you and ur hub have stopped doing it already? I guess it’s time to have a talk with him again?

Not for my hubby. If we manage to did in the night, he will unable to wake up in the morning for work. And complaining he is too tired, and want take 'mc'. So we had no choice but to accommodate to morning sex in order that we both fulfil our needs.

Yes. Me and hubby have not been doing for 2 months already since the incident which happened in early Feb. I don't know how to talk to him and believe me, even now we don't even say good morning or hi to one another anymore. We only talk to and about kids. Other than that, no

 

[Edwin Yeo]

This sounds so familiar. At times when we manage to do it at night, he will wake up the next day telling me his legs ache like mad n that he feels so so tired. is that really true, guys?

Anyway, I doubt we can stick to doing in the mornings. Mornings are always v rushed for us plus he always has trouble waking on time for work even.

I saw in your later post that you and ur hub have stopped doing it already? I guess it’s time to have a talk with him again?

Hehe, Dun think that having great time in bed can lead to legs aching next day. He probably needs to exercise a lot more. Doing squats or going gym will help him probably. And of cos, not just for men, everybody also needs to exercise. As age catches up. All the signs and aches will tell u that u better get moving.

I read alot from the internet that all our body parts are all USE it or LOSE it, including that,u know what.
Tell your guy to get it up, or else, it will never get it up when he wants to in future. NO kidding about that.
(I know it's really true that 'exercising' it often really helps to maintain erection. I'm over 30, and there are signs that it's really not like before where the thought of girls will get it up. It takes more coaxing to get it up after 30, but exercising it helps get it up better! )

I bet there were alot more happenings during pak tor times than after marriage. Where anywhere,anytime also can do. But how come after marriage becomes so difficult?

 

[Edwin Yeo]

my hubby and I quarrel ever so often... both of us have v bad tempers and I bring up divorce many times. I actually really duno if I love him anymore. but what I do know is he’s the best father to my baby. No other guy will love my baby the way he does.
We quarrelled again today, I then think about how unhappy I’ve been in this marriage. Two months no sex, menses just came. I somehow feel he’s stressed about the need to give sex. But you guys are right, I need to be more encouraging. Sex aside, I realise I don’t have much patience towards him. I sometimes wonder if it’s because I don’t feel any love for him anymore so things he do usually just irk me.

Any marriage counselling to recommend?

I think my wife is probably feeling the same way towards me as the way u have towards ur hubby.
("I realise I don’t have much patience towards him. I sometimes wonder if it’s because I don’t feel any love for him anymore so things he do usually just irk me.") It really is making me terrible too. I have been trying hard. Trying ways to please her etc. Doing all housework etc. Trying to listen to her. But,doesn't seems like anything works.
Yah, we are planning to go counselling. There are alot of marriage counselling available. Just Google it. I dun know which one is good though. All depends on u 2,I guess.

 

[furbee]

As long either party don’t give up trying, anything is possible...
Talking out always seems to be the most sensible Thing to do, but if one is hot-headed or not thinking straight also can make matters worse
One day either party also be old, cannot be aroused, or have fun in bed. In the end it’s the company you have to live thru. Many times I also want to give up, talk also no use. Ignoring also make the situation even worse ....
now I self pyscho, hopefully love and family can make things ‘work’

 

[JL8118]

Well, it takes two hands to clap.
If one of the party doesn't want to do it, no matter what one does, is pointless.
Man can be heartless, and woman can be heartless as well.

Edwin,
Best of luck to you... Hopefully your wife will put in effort and go for the counselling as well. And hope it work well for both of you...

 

[Edwin Yeo]

As long either party don’t give up trying, anything is possible...
Talking out always seems to be the most sensible Thing to do, but if one is hot-headed or not thinking straight also can make matters worse
One day either party also be old, cannot be aroused, or have fun in bed. In the end it’s the company you have to live thru. Many times I also want to give up, talk also no use. Ignoring also make the situation even worse ....
now I self pyscho, hopefully love and family can make things ‘work’

It's really tiring to go through all these. But yah, ignoring it is worse. Silence makes the distance further.

Well, it takes two hands to clap.
If one of the party doesn't want to do it, no matter what one does, is pointless.
Man can be heartless, and woman can be heartless as well.

Edwin,
Best of luck to you... Hopefully your wife will put in effort and go for the counselling as well. And hope it work well for both of you...

Thank you, JL8118. Hopefully it can work out.

 

[Edwin Yeo]

Just sharing something with you all ladies here.

I'm just guessing. I'm not sure.

Just want to ask if you know your hubby is addicted to watching porn? And DIYing to it?

I'm currently attending counselling regarding addicted to porn. I used to watch it alot and DIYing to it. And, hence, there are some problems that I noticed. 1stly is about unable to getting an erection as well as it used to be when having sex with wife. And next comes the effect of the "thinking" part of a relationship. (Already satisfied, why need a wife?)

I got articles from my counsellor that I read and found it quite informative. And found some things that are true that happened.

 

[Twinklingstars]

Interesting, would like to find out more about porn addiction. Do you mind sharing the articles.

 

[The Artsy Lens]

Interesting, would like to find out more about porn addiction. Do you mind sharing the articles.

Hi sure, mind PM me your email add? I forward to you.

 

[Bellespaniel]

Thanks all. I’ve told him before that I don’t like to always be initiating and he feels compelled to hv to rem to initiate but at night he’s just too tired. He can be aroused only when I go down on him he said he duno why either. But during penetration he can’t do it himself, actually everytime is I have to guide it into me cos only I know the angle to get things going. He’s nervous and he fumbles if he tries it himself n loses the erection very fast. He typically stays hard only in the morning but mornings are always rushed n not very pleasant as we haven’t washed up n all.

I thought about it many times whether I want a husband who’s good in bed or with family. I think without a healthy sex life, I can’t feel happy in this marriage regardless how nice a father he is to our baby. I feel like I can’t even talk nicely and patiently to him. He said he also noticed that I treat him better always the day after we have sex (even though it was really not good sex at all. we always can’t go past minutes. It’s disappointing but better than nothing).

Anyway now that I’ve mentioned divorce so many tines, he has been feeling insecured though he still doesn’t want to let me go. I know the damage is already done. Sometimes when we reconcile, I assure him that ok we give it another try. But he still gets the feeling that Im gonna give up eventually. Basically he doesn’t feel my determination I guess. But with a lousy sex life, I am half hearted and can’t feel love for him.

Thanks all. I’ve told him before that I don’t like to always be initiating and he feels compelled to hv to rem to initiate but at night he’s just too tired. He can be aroused only when I go down on him he said he duno why either. But during penetration he can’t do it himself, actually everytime is I have to guide it into me cos only I know the angle to get things going. He’s nervous and he fumbles if he tries it himself n loses the erection very fast. He typically stays hard only in the morning but mornings are always rushed n not very pleasant as we haven’t washed up n all.

I thought about it many times whether I want a husband who’s good in bed or with family. I think without a healthy sex life, I can’t feel happy in this marriage regardless how nice a father he is to our baby. I feel like I can’t even talk nicely and patiently to him. He said he also noticed that I treat him better always the day after we have sex (even though it was really not good sex at all. we always can’t go past minutes. It’s disappointing but better than nothing).

Anyway now that I’ve mentioned divorce so many tines, he has been feeling insecured though he still doesn’t want to let me go. I know the damage is already done. Sometimes when we reconcile, I assure him that ok we give it another try. But he still gets the feeling that Im gonna give up eventually. Basically he doesn’t feel my determination I guess. But with a lousy sex life, I am half hearted and can’t feel love for him.

It's possible your husband has a medical issue with his sexual abilities. Men are protective of the appearance to "perform". When they are not able, they rather not do it for fear of losing face. As a result he may use porn or even prostitutes as they cannot or wont judge him. You may want to let him know you do not judge him for the performance and you value his intimacy more than these. Also there are ways for him to "perform" by getting medical help or by using sexual aids (toys), which you can initiate to buy if he is too proud to. If all these doesn't work, then he is either too proud to admit or have other emotionally/psychology issues that will be difficult to solve without professional help.

 

[yufuin]

It's really tiring to go through all these. But yah, ignoring it is worse. Silence makes the distance further.



Thank you, JL8118. Hopefully it can work out.

It's nice to hear from a man's point of view. And may things work out smoothly for your family.
Every family has their own set of Issues. But how serious it is, is how you view it.
We have not had any sex & physical touch at all for 6 years.
For him, he feels nothing wrong like that, and life should continue as normal. The topic of no intimacy ( just intimacy, not requesting sex) is usually brought up by Wife and usually ended with no happy fruitful conclusions. He would rather to talk about where to eat later, rather than wasting time on this!! He feels that life is normal as usual, but to Wife, is like strangers in the house. He has no sex needs, no needs to be physically close, no physical touch at all even sharing a same bed with Wife !! Sometimes I think if there is a bowl of water between us, it probably will be lose a drip of water.
But when it comes to his kid, he will take initiative to hold hands, stroke, touch, and very observant over small injuries.
My patience is tearing. What should I do?

 

[alexahbk]

Be careful about the words you use when you quarrel. Once spoken, you can't take them back.

 

[gladjo]

Ever wonder why the Thai or Viet girls have their choice of man so easy ? just pick a conversation with any thai girl, you will notice how accommodating, sweet charming and well mannered they are. You folks have gone holidays in Thailand before, ever had a bad customer service experience ?

Our current economic situation is further worsening the stress level at home and with both parents working late and rushing home to take care of kids, added stress when expectations are not met. You folks know...one moment is your kid comes home failing his test when you had prepare him for a whole month....or next is the maid giving you cheap skate food and makaning your grocery money or your report is due tmr & you thought you brought home to quickly finish but all the commotion just make it worse...etc

The blame is nobody but the society we live in. Don't equate sex to de-stress though scientifically proven, it adds more even more stress and arguments.

Take a June break, go a few days to msia or Myanmar or somewhere where there is no Internet. You will find it's very good for the family to connect and strengthen your marriage bonds. Your kid will learn how beautiful is the rising sun and fresh air and more. City life is never truly healthy to bring up a family, the effects are very damaging and you will see it when your kids grow up and their first thing they tell themselves when they grow up is they must earn alot alot alot of money. I see it now so I'm sharing with you all. The ill effects of City life on family.

It's my 5cents worth sharing and I hope you all learn from my life tips.

God bless.

 

[Qwerty7788]

I am a guy married for 10 years with 2 primary sch kids and my situation is a total opposite to some. My wife does not deem having sex as a necessity to maintain the marriage. So much so that I really cannot be bothered bringing it up cause I already know what's the outcome - > Go DIY can. Even if she suddenly has the mood, it will be a 5mins quickie to get it over and done with. There is no enjoyment. We used to be fine but it just got worst when we cross 40 recently. Some would argue if its due to physical change (such as putting on weight) etc that turns her off but we are both pretty conscious of our appearance hence we put in effort to maintain our physical appearance by exercising regularly etc.

We do have helpers at home so there is really no excuse complaining abt being tired with house chores.

I feel its a necessity to have sex to maintain the closeness. As much as I want to remain devoted, I hope I do not stray one day. This led me to surf porn to relieve me of the urge. Its getting frustrating to say the least.

I know nothing will change but after reading this thread, I cannot stop myself from wanting to rant. Am really envious of those ladies here who hope for regular intimacy.

 

[Edwin Yeo]

I am a guy married for 10 years with 2 primary sch kids and my situation is a total opposite to some. My wife does not deem having sex as a necessity to maintain the marriage. So much so that I really cannot be bothered bringing it up cause I already know what's the outcome - > Go DIY can. Even if she suddenly has the mood, it will be a 5mins quickie to get it over and done with. There is no enjoyment. We used to be fine but it just got worst when we cross 40 recently. Some would argue if its due to physical change (such as putting on weight) etc that turns her off but we are both pretty conscious of our appearance hence we put in effort to maintain our physical appearance by exercising regularly etc.

We do have helpers at home so there is really no excuse complaining abt being tired with house chores.

I feel its a necessity to have sex to maintain the closeness. As much as I want to remain devoted, I hope I do not stray one day. This led me to surf porn to relieve me of the urge. Its getting frustrating to say the least.

I know nothing will change but after reading this thread, I cannot stop myself from wanting to rant. Am really envious of those ladies here who hope for regular intimacy.

Haha, same situation bro. I understand how u feel! She is just not speaking our love language! NO matter how much we want,even talked about it. But talk is just talk. It's still back to square one. NO intimacy. Sianz.

Everyday life is bring kids go sch, go work, come back dinner, learn spelling, do homework, faster rush the the bedtime then it's her own me time and my own me time. Wanna initiate sex at this point will result in answer like.. "I dun know", maybe, see how.. Or worst, roll eyes and give me that look. (This is really the starting of picking a fight.) And she told me has to wait for her to initiate. Yah,when?

Any ladies here can relate and share how the situation can improve?

 

[Edwin Yeo]

It's nice to hear from a man's point of view. And may things work out smoothly for your family.
Every family has their own set of Issues. But how serious it is, is how you view it.
We have not had any sex & physical touch at all for 6 years.
For him, he feels nothing wrong like that, and life should continue as normal. The topic of no intimacy ( just intimacy, not requesting sex) is usually brought up by Wife and usually ended with no happy fruitful conclusions. He would rather to talk about where to eat later, rather than wasting time on this!! He feels that life is normal as usual, but to Wife, is like strangers in the house. He has no sex needs, no needs to be physically close, no physical touch at all even sharing a same bed with Wife !! Sometimes I think if there is a bowl of water between us, it probably will be lose a drip of water.
But when it comes to his kid, he will take initiative to hold hands, stroke, touch, and very observant over small injuries.
My patience is tearing. What should I do?

Hi, for me, my wife dun like to hold hands or come close to me nor initiate sex nowadays. I'm the one who wants it. It's frustrating I know cos since my love language is touch. I do not feel any love from her if these are missing. So, usually I feel better after we have sex, that is my love tank fulfilled.

Perhaps you can read more about the book call 5 love languages and find out the love language of your hubby. And imptly get your hubby to read it too. Or you can tell him about it. It's really about filling up one's love tank and the relationship can continue nicely.

 

[JL8118]

Haha, same situation bro. I understand how u feel! She is just not speaking our love language! NO matter how much we want,even talked about it. But talk is just talk. It's still back to square one. NO intimacy. Sianz.

Everyday life is bring kids go sch, go work, come back dinner, learn spelling, do homework, faster rush the the bedtime then it's her own me time and my own me time. Wanna initiate sex at this point will result in answer like.. "I dun know", maybe, see how.. Or worst, roll eyes and give me that look. (This is really the starting of picking a fight.) And she told me has to wait for her to initiate. Yah,when?

Any ladies here can relate and share how the situation can improve?

I don't really agree about 'same love language'. I mean since the beginning when you both started dating, you both should already know one another love language right? If differ, since the beginning already different. And this is definitely not the 'cause' for no/less intimacy though.

We ladies need 'feel' for intimacy. Is not that when hubby want, and we have to give. But if the feel is there, even when hubby does not initiate or do anything, we will do the initiative instead.

Think of how you both have intimacy in the past. I doubt is 'Hey, come, let's get on bed and have sex'. No ba? (I hope not?) But more like maybe some romantic/naughty conversation, that lead to more intimacy like kissing/hugging, and move on to sex. No?

So same goes for now. Probably is work, or there's people around hence sometimes we don't want intimacy. Maybe can plan and go for a short trip together? Or go dating? This can bring up the 'mood' and feel within us. (At least for myself)

 

[Daniel_chua]

I’m curious to know how often do married couple with kids have intimacy?

Before getting married, we didn’t do the actual deed. After we married and before having kid, my hubby is already having a very low sex drive. He can don’t ask for sex one. Also find it hard to stay hard for long if we do it at night. Morning is much better for him.

I don’t like to always be the one to initiate but I would think doing it once a week should not be too much to ask for. Or am I wrong? or maybe once every 1.5 wks. sometimes he has to travel and stuff like that, or either one of us fell sick. We probably do it once a month only, and that’s even after how I always say I have high sex drive as a woman and would love to have regular sex.

When I was pregnant, he said he couldn’t bear the idea of having sex knowing baby is inside me. So for the whole 10 months he just didn’t want to do it. And for the 7 or 8 months after baby is born, we didn’t do it either, busy with baby stuff and so tired n all. and when we finally did it after such a long hiatus, he can’t last long and shoots very fast. less than 3 mins of everything.

I have been expressing my displeasure that he’s not keen to have regular sex, and as a result he’s stressed and feel obliged to do it. i know it will affect his performance as well. There are times when we try to do it at night but he couldn’t hold the erection. I cried in bed after that.

When we quarrel over other things, n he start comparing me to other wife more gentle and encouraging bla bla, I will also start saying things like he also doesn’t give me sex or satisfy me. or when he says he feels that nothing he does in the household is right in my eyes, say that I always pick on him, somehow the conversation will lead to me expressing my displeasure, that he doesn’t satisfy me sexually and maybe that’s why I don’t feel truly happy being with him. I brought up divorce many times cos I don’t feel happy being with him.

I know it’s not healthy to keep mentioning divorce, but I am serious about divorcing if he is agreeable. I also sat down and talked many times to him about how I don’t like our sex life at all. I feel deprived. Our relationship has deteriorated after having a baby. Stress and lack of regular intimacy.

Anyway, yesterday we quarrelled over other things again. Then led to me complaining about lack of intimacy, he said in a fit of anger to go find other guys then, as long as don’t bring home, don’t affect my baby. I said fine. And we still aren’t talking to each other since yesterday’s quarrel.

He’s a very good father to our baby. Everytime i reconcile with him (even after me mentioning divorce) and still stay in this marriage is because of our baby. Deep down I don’t feel happy being in this marriage but what else can I do?

First of all, hello to you.
Your situation is sort of similar to mine. Just that our roles are reversed with some slight differences. I'm always trying to initiate with my wife but she only accommodate like 10% of the time. The times she refuse would be mostly due to being tired from looking after kids and household chores.

Before marriage we had sex about once a week. But after marriage and kids..I'm lucky of I can get it once every 2-3 months.

The longest period I encountered was 2 years no sex due to wife expecting 2nd child and after that she keep telling me no mood to do.

For your case mah, I won't say I'm relationship guru. But maybe after cooling down then you 2 try to have a talk to understand each other's point of view and work it from there.

For me..I did get upset with my wife quite a few times over her constant refusal for sex because there were many times she keep fondling or groping me which led me to think she's in the mood but when i go further by touching her back she'll pull back and tell me to stop. Then will either continue using her HP or tell me she wanna go sleep.

However..now I just take it I'm the one with problem. I'll daily go home after work to have dinner then try to be engaging with them as much a possible. Also help out do more housework and also let wife go meet her friends as and when she want to. Then if I initiate sex and she either grumpy or at shess tired..then I'll just ownself DIY after she sleep in the middle of the night.

But I think you can try discuss with your hubby and see if there's any issues that can be resolved. For the insufficient sex issue..just make do first with DIY and then intimate with him via cuddling or hugs bah. Lessen some stress first.

Jiayou!

 

[Qwerty7788]

Haha, same situation bro. I understand how u feel! She is just not speaking our love language! NO matter how much we want,even talked about it. But talk is just talk. It's still back to square one. NO intimacy. Sianz.

Everyday life is bring kids go sch, go work, come back dinner, learn spelling, do homework, faster rush the the bedtime then it's her own me time and my own me time. Wanna initiate sex at this point will result in answer like.. "I dun know", maybe, see how.. Or worst, roll eyes and give me that look. (This is really the starting of picking a fight.) And she told me has to wait for her to initiate. Yah,when?

Any ladies here can relate and share how the situation can improve?

It's sad but true that many feels that it's not an essential part of a relationship. They feel there is more important things than X. Guess there is no right or wrong answer. We just have to suck it up and brave it forward.

 

[sunrise99]

Hi guys n ladies, do need yr advise to help me think from the Men's perspective ....

My husband got higher sex drive than me . He just want intimacy whileas I want a 2nd kid. He actually say OK to 2nd kid after 4 years.

However, while we have sex, he does not implant the sperms in me.then how am I going to get pregnant ?????

Again , he is lying to me . I am already 37. How much longer can I wait for him to be ready ????

Cos of this issue,we are not able to move on in our marriage .

 

[tinkyberz]

For me (as a hubby), Intimacy usually only occurs during weekends or on trips, as she is really worn out after worn during the weekdays after work. However, weekend also not frequent, when we have family or friends events which led us to very late bedtime so intimacy moment is like once or twice a month . There was once, we ended up in cold war as she feels the lack of intimacy (for about 2 months). However, on my end i just feel she needs to rest more as weekend is the time when she can rest. Nonetheless, now we are better after trashing out our views and now we are TTC. His/her feeling may change and just need to be sensitive i guess. I am kinda like wooden head, so have to ensure I do not let her feel lonely even after we have kids.

I guess, there's a point in every man or woman to light the sparks of intimacy again. If not there may be some other reason which is distancing both of you.

 

[Cindy Tay]

sunrise99,

my advice is to have a talk with your hubby. If you both want 2nd, then both have to work together to achieve.
His behaviour show that he only want sex, instead of baby. Probably he only say ok to make you happy...
But again, I may be wrong... As probably he's used to pull out method already, hence 'naturally' pull out when cumming.
So still better to have a good talk, and have a same understand about it.


tinkyberz,

Yes. It's good that you both have trash it out, but talking out. I took will prefer my hubby to make love with me during weekend, or during trip, as sometimes during weekday, is really tired... Same as a wife I too have the same understanding as my hubby as I feel he will be tired after a hard day at work. So whenever possible, I try not to disturb him to make love with me (even I wish/want).

 

[tinkyberz]

sunrise99,

my advice is to have a talk with your hubby. If you both want 2nd, then both have to work together to achieve.
His behaviour show that he only want sex, instead of baby. Probably he only say ok to make you happy...
But again, I may be wrong... As probably he's used to pull out method already, hence 'naturally' pull out when cumming.
So still better to have a good talk, and have a same understand about it.


tinkyberz,

Yes. It's good that you both have trash it out, but talking out. I took will prefer my hubby to make love with me during weekend, or during trip, as sometimes during weekday, is really tired... Same as a wife I too have the same understanding as my hubby as I feel he will be tired after a hard day at work. So whenever possible, I try not to disturb him to make love with me (even I wish/want).

@Cindy Tay, yup it is true that it is not as easy as the past when my wifey and I were carefree and can have intimate moments frequently. Though we are TTC, we already worn out at work or family/friends events. With kids, I guess I still have to make intimate moments possible. I do not wish to make her feel she is just a tool for bearing children. There were times she was not well and too tired but still wanna make love. In the end she dozed off before we could even start, the next day she say I can just proceed ma since I am the one doing the most action. LOL

 

[Cindy Tay]

@tinkyberz Wah. You must be unhappy when she dozed off? My hubby or me will be unplease and unhappy if either of us doze off if we 'agree' to have hanky panky...
If really tired, will just tell one another, and the other party will be understandable. That's sort of 'agreement' between us

 

[sunrise99]

Tinkyberz, we are suck with our own wants. I want kid he want initimacy. We have discussed many times and cos of this, we are not able to compromise. And the only way out is to divorce since we cant compromise.
And over the years, i tried to give up on 2nd kid but i am not happy and wont want initimacy . It affect our marriage a lot.

Most of the times, it is always the hubby want more kids but i am reversed... I feel disgraced over this.

 

[bohgie]

Tinkyberz, we are suck with our own wants. I want kid he want initimacy. We have discussed many times and cos of this, we are not able to compromise. And the only way out is to divorce since we cant compromise.
And over the years, i tried to give up on 2nd kid but i am not happy and wont want initimacy . It affect our marriage a lot.

Most of the times, it is always the hubby want more kids but i am reversed... I feel disgraced over this.

Maybe he not ready for 2nd kid.

 

[tinkyberz]

@Cindy Tay, I am not unhappy actually. Cause in my heart I understand she is unwell and tired. I mean since we are husband and wife, we have to be understanding. I try to be sensitive to her overall (Physical, mental and emotional), so gonna be understanding at times like this. I even joke with her the next day, that's when she say I can just proceed ma since I am the one doing the most action. LOL

@sunrise99, though i am not able to represent most hubbies, but I do love the intimate moments with wife. It is like the definition of enjoying the moment. Of course, I always let my wife know that I wish to walk my remaining life with her, regardless have kids or not. It is alright for wifey to want kids, I thought most women love kids. I feel I am the opposite, I love kids and wish to take care of them. So I am like the reverse role, where my wifey is the main bread-winner. So don't feel disgrace, it is the motherly nature in you that want more kids. As for your husband, maybe it is the fear of additional responsibilities or some other factors that preventing him from wanting another kid. Is he having a part in taking care of your current LO?

 

[Cindy Tay]

@sunrise99 Well. Intimacy is one of the way to help keep the marriage/relationship on going. Like bohgie mentioned, is it he's not ready for a 2nd kid? Hence such way he behaved? Is divorce the only option? Can both of you work it out together?

@tinkyberz Yes. That's how a success marriage/relationship is. To compromise...

 

[tinkyberz]

@Cindy Tay, successful marriage/relationship or not i dare not say we are. Nonetheless, I try my best to work thing out with my wifey. Hopefully even after kids, we will still have intimate moments

 

[Cindy Tay]

@tinkyberz Best of luck to you, and your wife

 

[tinkyberz]

@tinkyberz Best of luck to you, and your wife

Thanks @Cindy Tay. It is nice to be here to understand and reflect, so I am able to care for my wifey better

 

[JL8118]

Hi guys n ladies, do need yr advise to help me think from the Men's perspective ....

My husband got higher sex drive than me . He just want intimacy whileas I want a 2nd kid. He actually say OK to 2nd kid after 4 years.

However, while we have sex, he does not implant the sperms in me.then how am I going to get pregnant ?????

Again , he is lying to me . I am already 37. How much longer can I wait for him to be ready ????

Cos of this issue,we are not able to move on in our marriage .

Some husband are like that. Know that you want kids, and 'lie' to you in order to have sex with you. But deep inside, they may not want the kids. Just treat us like a sex slave...

My husband worst... We talked about another child, and he agreed to it. He even shoot in, and I thought will have kids already.. 1st month, no... And he said that probably 'not enough' as excuse, and we had more session, even I'm tired of work etc. 2nd month no again... and goes on to 3rd month...

Recently, I then knew that he had vasectomy done behind my back!!! Rest is history... Now am filing divorce with him!

 

[tinkyberz]

Some husband are like that. Know that you want kids, and 'lie' to you in order to have sex with you. But deep inside, they may not want the kids. Just treat us like a sex slave...

My husband worst... We talked about another child, and he agreed to it. He even shoot in, and I thought will have kids already.. 1st month, no... And he said that probably 'not enough' as excuse, and we had more session, even I'm tired of work etc. 2nd month no again... and goes on to 3rd month...

Recently, I then knew that he had vasectomy done behind my back!!! Rest is history... Now am filing divorce with him!

@JL8118, sorry to hear about what your husband did. This is unacceptable, even for me as a hubby. I will never want my wife to feel like she is a tool for sex and couples should be truthful to one another. It must be hard on you when you find out what he has done

 

[JL8118]

@JL8118, sorry to hear about what your husband did. This is unacceptable, even for me as a hubby. I will never want my wife to feel like she is a tool for sex and couples should be truthful to one another. It must be hard on you when you find out what he has done

If not for another issue, I will not have known! He accidentally said it out during our argument/quarrel about an issue!
Was totally heartbroken about it...

 

[tinkyberz]

If not for another issue, I will not have known! He accidentally said it out during our argument/quarrel about an issue!
Was totally heartbroken about it...

I can feel your disappointment, especially when you are hoping for another child. After few months of trying and received such shocking news. Stay strong and move forward

 

[JL8118]

I can feel your disappointment, especially when you are hoping for another child. After few months of trying and received such shocking news. Stay strong and move forward

I have told him. He did such to me. I will 10x back to him!!
He don't want to have 2nd kid with me! I will have it with another!

 

[tinkyberz]

I have told him. He did such to me. I will 10x back to him!!
He don't want to have 2nd kid with me! I will have it with another!

Wow, hold the revenge part. Not worth it to go to that extreme and ruin your life because of him. Lead a beautiful life by finding a man who truly loves you and will treasure you, then have a kid. Guess this will make him jealous that even without him, you can lead a fulfilling life.

 

[JL8118]

Wow, hold the revenge part. Not worth it to go to that extreme and ruin your life because of him. Lead a beautiful life by finding a man who truly loves you and will treasure you, then have a kid. Guess this will make him jealous that even without him, you can lead a fulfilling life.

aiya..angry words to him only... don't think I will really do that also...
but maybe will find a man to inpregnant me

 

[tinkyberz]

aiya..angry words to him only... don't think I will really do that also...
but maybe will find a man to inpregnant me

haha I see. all the best in finding one. most importantly the next man will cherish you

 

[newlife2010]

aiya..angry words to him only... don't think I will really do that also...
but maybe will find a man to inpregnant me

I can feel how sad when u found out. But life have to go on. If really he doesn't plan for future then u have to plan for a future without him

 

[JL8118]

I can feel how sad when u found out. But life have to go on. If really he doesn't plan for future then u have to plan for a future without him

Thank you

 

[p_eppermint]

Some husband are like that. Know that you want kids, and 'lie' to you in order to have sex with you. But deep inside, they may not want the kids. Just treat us like a sex slave...

My husband worst... We talked about another child, and he agreed to it. He even shoot in, and I thought will have kids already.. 1st month, no... And he said that probably 'not enough' as excuse, and we had more session, even I'm tired of work etc. 2nd month no again... and goes on to 3rd month...

Recently, I then knew that he had vasectomy done behind my back!!! Rest is history... Now am filing divorce with him!

sorry to hear abt what you had to go through. that must've been painful and frankly speaking, i would not be able to accept it too. the worst feeling in the world is to feel like you've been used by your husb, esp for sex. you are so brave for being able to get through this and i can only wish the best for you. take care dear.

 

[JL8118]

sorry to hear abt what you had to go through. that must've been painful and frankly speaking, i would not be able to accept it too. the worst feeling in the world is to feel like you've been used by your husb, esp for sex. you are so brave for being able to get through this and i can only wish the best for you. take care dear.

I can't do anything.. I have to stay strong for my kids... I can't take/accept it too. But nothing I can do...
Thanks for the encouragement anyway

 

[p_eppermint]

I can't do anything.. I have to stay strong for my kids... I can't take/accept it too. But nothing I can do...
Thanks for the encouragement anyway

you are brave already for making the decision to move on with life without that awful husb of yours. life will only get better from now on just place all focus on your kids and i'm sure things will work themselves out eventually. jiayou!

 

[JL8118]

you are brave already for making the decision to move on with life without that awful husb of yours. life will only get better from now on just place all focus on your kids and i'm sure things will work themselves out eventually. jiayou!

Thanks for the encouragement...
Yes. Think of kids make me stronger...
But... Sigh...

 

[tinkyberz]

Agree with @p_eppermint, Gambette @JL8118

We just recently watched the first season of ”一路上有你“, and just found out that one couple divorced. The mother also put her focus on career and her children, which is her driving force. Be strong and brave to move forward, your kids are looking up to you for support (& their security)

 

[bohgie]

Thanks for the encouragement...
Yes. Think of kids make me stronger...
But... Sigh...

jia u.

 

[JL8118]

Thanks peeps