Kids to sleep with maid or not?

jonevieve

Member
Hihi to all Mummies here,

I'm currently preg with my No. 2 and going to move house in a few months time before my delivery. This is a good chance for me to re-arrange my No. 1 to sleep at her own bedroom.

She has been sleeping in the same room with us since birth at her own cot. I cannot decide if my No. 1 should sleep with my maid or they should sleep separately in order to train my girl to be more independent and also to avoid future problem should my maid decide to leave us one day. My girl is coming to 3 years old soon.

If my girl is sleeping separately with my maid, is it good to have my No. 2 to sleep with my No. 1? I am afraid my No. 1 will be jealous why No. 2 can sleep with us but not her.

Or is better for my maid to sleep with both my kids in order to give the attention in an event when they have nightmare or sick? And I will be able to save extra bedroom for other usage instead of giving my maid her own bedroom?

I'm in a dilemma and would like to seek for advise in order for me to come to a conclusion.

Thanks.
 

frog

Active Member
Dear Joanne, let me share my experience and thoughts.

I have 2 kids, they are now 5 and 2 and started sleeping in their own room recently. First of all, yes, you are right that new environment is suitable to try to let your daughter sleep in her own room. If you do this a few months before the second one comes along, she would have have time to get used to this. This new arrangement should be "sold" as a privilage and special treatment... big get gets her own room all my herself!! If the issue of jealousy arises when the number two comes along, you could address that as being a "helpless" newborn, No. 2 doesn't get the privilage of getting his/her own room. A disadvantage, instead of making it seem "better".

I personally think that it is not condusive for a newborn to sleep with the older sibling. The night wakings might be disruptive to her sleep. Seeing you cuddling the newborn a few times a night to nurse might also trigger some security issue with the older one.

The maid - the maid should sleep in her own room for various reasons. First, the privacy. Second, the space. Third, for restful night. As mothers, it is common that we do the night feeding and then go off to work the whole day feeling like a zombie. However, we do this because of our choice and our motherly instincts; and sometimes, we want to bond with our children. However, for the maid, this might be unfair. Imagine you have to do all the work in the office, then live with all your colleagues, then at night maybe need to wake up as well to tend to some requests? Having well rested also makes them happier and easy to cope with daytime work and a fussy baby.

Also, for children, a great time for bonding is the sleeping routine, night wakings (and bathtime). As a FTWM, these are the things that I always try super hard to do, no matter how tired or sleepy or lazy I might get. I do this because to me, this is quality time. Between fullday childcare and fulltime job, we spend so little time together. I want to be the first person they think about when they wake up and the last person they think about when they fall asleep. The downside is that they wake up in the night sure look for me, wake up in the morning, whether 6am or 7am sure look for me. But they are MY children.

So, if you have the space, I really would propose that the maid sleeps on her own. It also takes away the dependency issue. The best scenario is your daughter sleeps in her own room. Hope it works out well for you. Cheers.
 

jonevieve

Member
Thanks Frog. Thanks for the advise which strengthen my initial decision which is similar to your suggestion. Just that my maid wanted to leave us recently plus my girl is super close with her especially since I am preg. In order to keep her with us, I agreed to a few terms and perks which I can't believe myself to do so if I am not preg and still need to move house. I feel myself being taken advantage of during this crisis period.

I think all these made me become a very indecisive person recently. I am really thankful to your advise.
 

frog

Active Member
Joanne, I wonder if you are considering full-day childcare for your daughter. Usually, once they are at the childcare (after the adjustment period), they will not be so attached to the maid. This also gives you more independence (from the maid); and if she stays, it is always easier handling one baby. The consideration, however is that each of these changes - moving out of your room, childcare, new baby, should ideally be done at least 8 weeks apart, where possible.

If you can only introduce childcare after the birth of the baby, consider fetching her there (and back). This makes her feel special. If applicable, the baby can go along to "send jie-jie to school". My daughter loved that. Once my son was older, he loves to "fetch jie-jie", too! The children also tend to learn much more from the childcare than at home.

My position on maids (I have one, been with us for 2 years since #2 was born) is that one should never be in a situation that is too dependent on them. I always plan such that my maid can leave at a month's notice. To me, they have no loyalty, no gratitute. My children always ask for "mei mei"... my maid always tell them "if got mei mei then I don't wanna work here anymore". So I openly tell my children - well then, we'll just have to find a new maid, right??
 

jonevieve

Member
Oh, my girl is already in full day childcare but I still need a maid for the household chores and sometimes to help up at my in laws'house too. They are too old but my MIL is not an easy going person and thus no helper can stay with her so far. That's why I got to be the one to employ a helper, bring her over just to help and then fetch her home.

Is illegal to help for 2 household but my maid agreed to it and that's the reason why we wanna keep her. Is not everyday, maybe twice a week and we just got to agree with better terms and benefits in order to attract her.

Sad to say that, no matter how good is the maid, my MIL will still find fault until the maid wanna leave. Making me in a position to always need to negotiate and consel the helper.
 

jonevieve

Member
We used to hire part time previously but ever since we have a full time maid, we find it more worth just to pay her a little more just to do it for my MIL. It is more hassle free too as the few of our previous part time cleaners like to fly kite last minute. They can find all sort of reasons not to turn up last min.

This is also one of the reason why I get a full time maid at home even though my girl is full day in childcare.

Another concern now is whether should I leave my newborn to be taken care by my maid after I delivered or should I be sending my baby to infant care just like what I did for my No. 1. It will be an additional expenses to us but I just cannot fully give the trust to a maid. In a dilemma again.
 
If ur in laws can help keep an eye, why not get a maid to care for ur number 2 at home? I personally feel 1 to 1 attention is better for an infant.
 

jonevieve

Member
Because of health reason, my in laws are unable to help. That's the reason why my No. 1 was in infant care after my maternity leave. I find it good as my girl has never been afraid to go school and she enjoys going school with friends to play with. Nevertheless, it will be an extra cost to us as infant care is not cheap even after govt subsidies.

Maybe it will be better if I can be a SAHM. ;p
 

frog

Active Member
Infantcare is a good choice, if you can afford it. Although not 1 to 1, their programme is more structured, the teachers more professional and skilled... If this was a choice I had, both my kids would have been placed in infantcare.
 
Interesting to read this thread. I totally agree with what Frogprincess wrote. I also do not like the idea of my kids sleeping with the maid. My house is small, so not much choice, my maid sleeps in the hall actually. But the main thing is, she should also get her night time rest so that she can help out and the work in the day time.

For those of you who sent your child to childcare..how long did they take to adjust? I am thinking of doing so for my kid, but I'm very worried it'll be like tough on him...he's ard 20mths now...but still like babyish. haha..He don't sleep tt well too..usually may need to pat him a while then he will sleep back..so I worried he can't sleep in childcare...then eating too..worried he be fussy and don't eat. Then also worried he will fall sick easily.....

Sigh..so many worries I have hahaha...
 

frog

Active Member
Since you have a maid at home, what might be a good choice is 2hr playgroup. It gives them some time to have structured play - sing, dance, TALKING (non-stop!). My son only got a place when he was 26 months. He wasn't much of a talker before that, and never liked singing or music. A few weeks into that, he started going on and on like a talkshow or radio!!

The good thing about it is he can express himself much better. He is now in a childcare, and still cries after 1 month! My daughter cried for the entire N1, every morning when I drop her off!! But she did stop very quickly and usually enjoy the time at the school.
 

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