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! Jealousy of people getting pregnant

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by zp1503, Sep 24, 2010.

  1. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    I've got a very close colleague of mine who we always confide to each other. She feels jealous about people getting pregnant especially those who just got married and got pregnant within months.

    She mentioned that cos why she tried for so long, 3 yrs then have and somemore got complications thus did not enjoy the pregnancy. And yet ppl get so easily. Everytime when she hears ppl getting pregnant, she feels so angry.

    How can i help her?

  2. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    No lah, she has a son from that complicated pregnancy. And i guess its cos she didnt enjoy that pregnancy & she tried 3 years then get. She's jeolous of others getting pregnant so fast. Sometimes i dunno how to answer her.
  3. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    she has been trying for no.2 but still nothing. whereas many of my colleagues got pregnant again after delivery of their 1st one.
  4. christine77sg

    christine77sg New Member

    Myb u cn tell her,"thers always a higher mountain out ther. Ther r worse off ppl who hv bn praying n doing all possible to hv their own BB and nothing happens." She is lucky to hv one n even luckier tat her son is growing well n healthy.
  5. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    yah, that's what i told her before. She is basically a nice person but just that when ppl tell her their good news, she can't help it but get jeolous.
  6. pipilili

    pipilili Member

    zp1503, maybe you can intro her to this forum and ask her to counsel ppl who cannot get pregnant after years of trying. I am into my 4th yr of trying and I have not gotten near to conceiving a baby. I have went thru mutliple test, medication and 1 op, and still I didnt get pregnant.
    The best way for her is to let her see the truth herself in the forums. In this way, she will know that she is much much luckier than many ppl.
  7. kkf

    kkf Active Member

    I can understand what your colleague is feeling, cause I did feel that way too, although I have two kids now, but I lost my eldest, and my pregnancies were never easy. I had 3 premature labours, and needed to go through bed rest.

    I also envy others who can have smooth pregnancies and deliveries, and can have many kids as they want. Till now, I still do, yes although a bit jealous as well, but the feeling is more like feeling lousy about myself, cause why can't I be like any normal woman.

    I guess your colleague might just feel lousy about herself like me?

    I think the only way to help is herself. Nobody can take away the feeling. Just keep telling her how blessed she is to have her son with her, and instead of concentrating on being jealous, why not she just spend her time on her precious son whom she had such a hard time to conceive and to have with her?
  8. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    yah, u ladies are right. I shall try to console her like what you guys say. She should be blessed with her premature son who now grows up to be a healthy boy!
  9. forumbb

    forumbb Member

    think most probably she got upset with herself for not being able to conceive the 2nd one as easily as the others but yet envy/jeolous of them..perhaps should introduce her to other threads such as TTC/miscarriages whereby alot of them encountered such feelings [​IMG]
  10. athen

    athen Member


    You can get her to come to this forum. She need somewhere to vent her frustration.

    I had 1 M/C b4 my son & 3 M/C after that. I really envy or sometimes jealous of mummies who are able to go thru smooth preg. Keep asking myself why I always have problem. After going through this forum, I realise that there are some mummies who went thru a few rounds of IVF but still unsucessful. I begin to tell myself, At least I have a son & should focus on taking care of him & encourage & support other mummies who have problems like me. Let her know that she is not alone.
  11. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    Thanks Athen, i did tell her abt this forum and she also tried telling herself all that you've mentioned too. Just that, she can't help blaming herself & envying ppl lor.
  12. pingping

    pingping Active Member

    Hi zp1503,

    Yr colleague is not contented with her life, and is not happy that her life is more difficult than others. It is emotionally unhealthy, and this can build up frustrations if she don't keep it in check. She should treasure with what she has now.

    I hv been through a lot of difficulties in life, but I hv to learn to come out of it and be positive. It's easier said than done, and it requires effort to change. Everyone has a choice to be happy or not. She has to let go of her unhappy past and move on. Being jealous of others is not healthy and it makes one unhappy. Instead of being envy or jealous of others hving a smooth pregnancy, why not think in the more positive way? Ask yrself why is my pregnancy difficult?

    For myself, I had health problems prior to pregnancy. Both my pregnancies were not very smooth too. I did hv my grievances but I know the reason why my pregnancies are difficult. Therefore, I am not jealous of others cos I know their health condition is definitely better than mine. Accepting yrself or yr fate is one way of being happy and letting go of unhappy pasts.

    Do note that pple who hv good health and are emotionally stable hv an easier pregnancy, my ex colleague is one gd example. She is a very calm person, while I am easily flustered or stressed up. There is a lot of different factors affecting pregnancy.
  13. pingping

    pingping Active Member

    Life is never smooth without difficulties, you may see others better than you, but they may hv their own problems too. It is just that you don't get to see the other side of their life.

    We hv to overcome the difficulties and learn from it, otherwise the same problems will keep re-surfacing until you learned it. I am speaking from past experience, there are always life lessons to be learnt.
    oekmer likes this.
  14. zp1503

    zp1503 Member

    Thanks Ping2. Now she is getting better cos no more news of ppl arnd her getting pregnant.

    From what i know, even the docs also have no idea what happened that causes her to have a premature under weight baby. She lives a very healthy lifestyle and she does not have any morning sickness like others. Before she ended up in the hospital till her son was born, no one expected it, neither did i! She seems so ok.

    I think that's why she dun understand it. Can see that she is trying very hard to overcome this feeling. I guess the only thing to get her better is to be pregnant again & not having any problems.
  15. pingping

    pingping Active Member

    Western doc in general don't hv an idea what brings abt the miscarriage, as they don't treat the body as a whole, if you notice. Some pple looks healthy but hv difficulty to conceive, it could be due to the womb being "cold" according to Chinese medicine. A lot of factors affect pregnancy/health like our emotions, the environment, pple around us, diet etc.

    When the body is under sudden tremendous stress, it could induce premature birth. Diet also plays a part, cold foods, or too much fruits(esp tropical fruits) or yin(weakening like eg. sugary foods) food consumed during pregnancy can weaken one's condition. If consumed in moderation is ok but not excessively.

    She is getting better cos there are no more news of pple getting pregnant, but if there are news, she will start to feel down again. To be pregnant again and not having problems during pregnancy will not solve her problem, how is she able to ensure that problems will not recur? If it recurs, won't she be more unhappy and disappointed? There are a lot of things that we can't really control, things do happen suddenly and it's important to be prepared to avoid any shock to the body esp when one is pregnant. Lack of rest and stressful relationships do affect pregnancy. I had a stressful marriage for both pregnancies ,and my second pregnancy is the worst.

    Pls tell yr friend to stay happy and positive at all times even before she is pregnant. It will help her a lot,esp during pregnancy and she will hv a happy baby too. Ideally, it's to be emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. However, it's not easy to achieve in our modern stressful society.
  16. pingping

    pingping Active Member

    I don't know if you hv watched a documentary show featuring Diana Ser on her 2nd pregnancy which was aired on TV either early this yr or late last yr. Her pregnancy was smooth, that she took her good health for granted. She felt great during her pregnancy, and worked for long hrs. One night, she woke up bleeding profusely and was admitted to the hospital immediately. She nearly lost her baby as her waterbag was burst due to over exertion,and was instructed by her doc to hv bed rest for a few months.

    She was advised to keep the baby til 28wks. Her baby was not growing very well in her body. When she delivered her baby at 35 wks through C section, her baby was at 1.8kg. She blamed herself for what had happened to her baby girl.
    From this example, you can see such things can happen to anybody. For me, good health is important for smooth pregnancy but so is adequate rest. It is definitely not a time to push yr body as yr body is supporting 2 lifes. I felt tired easily during my pregnancies, I always want to sleep but couldn't sleep well due to backaches. I don't really enjoy my 2 pregnancies, sigh.

    Another example is my friend's wife who is in better health than me, but she worked long hours and her baby didn't grew well. My friend insisted that she takes a break from her work during the last trimester, and her baby grew well during this period. However, her delivery was not very smooth and lasted for abt 12 hours. I was really surprised cos she was very active during her pregnancy, and I thought she would hv a smooth delivery. So it's really hard to say whether one will hv a smooth pregnancy or delivery and there is no guarantee. I guess the things we can do is to try to stay positive, do the right things during pregnancy, to accept whatever circumstances that may come and pray.
  17. diamonds_mum

    diamonds_mum Member

    wow lao, pregnancy no need to enjoy one, I also never enjoy what. I only enjoy the MC I got.

    Maybe you can make up stories to her that you have a friend that has complications during prenancy and bla bla bla at least she know she is not the only person around and take it better from there.
  18. cindy12

    cindy12 New Member

    Hi,am new here.. why i had tried having baby but i still dont have? I had tried for 2yrs and i have gone for checkup and everything is alright?
  19. cutejojo

    cutejojo Member

    I do envy ppl who had smooth delivery, n pround of those mommies delivered their babies w/o injecting the epi.
    i also waited long hrs to deliver my 1st child, it wasnt smooth for me but i m glad and happy when i c my bb face when she was born. is a gift from the god, no matter smooth or not, juz take thing easy and stay possible like the mommy said. thinking negative will not help but make urself more miserable.
    i did blame myslf for the 2 time m/c, but come to think of it. I shld stay healthy and keep trying for 2nd one until is successful.
    a col of mine was told to abort her bb in her 2nd trimester as the bb was not growing as expected, the pain she had gone thru is greater than any mommy who is able to deliver a health bb.. but that col didnt give up, she take good care of herself aft ops then able to preggy again aft few mths..
  20. elisechow

    elisechow Active Member

    cutie, your story sounds very sad. hopefully your colleague is able to pick herself up.

    zp1503: your colleague needs help. maybe wana speak to somebody who can advise her on that
  21. starrycarin

    starrycarin New Member

    Take good care of our health, this means our diet, take supplements, from safe suppliers, you have to find out more abt them, not all suppliers can confirm safety of their product and thus they usually cannot answer if the supplements can be used in pregnancy. I have recommended a lot of friends into their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or even fourth pregnancy with pharmanex supplements, their baby comes out looking healthy and radiant, full term, my friends all feel better after the pregnancy, have no complications, no problem with water retention, have strength to push, and recover fast after the pregnancy. I'm very happy for all of them. I hope, mothers here will find out more abt this wonderful range of supplements that is safe and effective using 6S quality process.
  22. gingin80

    gingin80 New Member

    Hi, I new here. I 30yrs old. Been trying for past 2 yr unsucessfully for a baby too. Went to IUF treatment twice but unsuccessfully, so now see chinese TCM to have stronger body. I wanted to come into this forum to get encouragements and also able to share my experience and help others

    Been through a rough year but thank God for His strength if not I think I really will go CRAZY especially when all my friends got prengant so easily.

    But seriously I think what most hurtful is other people especially your close friends comments...
  23. pingping

    pingping Active Member

    Hi siow chin,

    Pls stick to the TCM treatment as it helps to strengthen yr health, and you will hv a healthy baby if you conceive. Do continue yr TCM treatment even if you are pregnant. I had very weak health prior marriage and was on TCM for a few yrs. I conceived on my wedding night which I thought I would hv difficulty conceiving, as my health was not in gd condition.

    I continued TCM treatment during pregnancy, and my elder gal is stronger than my younger son, which I didn't follow up TCM treatment for my 2nd pregnancy.

    Which sinseh did you go to by the way?
  24. den99

    den99 Guest

    This is funny!
  25. gm_mum

    gm_mum New Member


    I feel children is a gift of God. One should be happy to be blessed even wif one child as there are a lot of married couples out there trying for baby unsuccessful. Your friend should try to focus on having 2nd one since she had wanted so much (let the mind relax..it does play a part) and focus on the growth & development of her 1st child [​IMG]
  26. beatrice_chua

    beatrice_chua New Member

    You can tell tell her that although it took 3 years for her to be pregnant and although her pregnancy didn't go to easy for her, she should be thankful she had a son. I know so many couples who would give everything just to have a child, and after years of trying and medication, still failed. Different people have different situation, but in her case, still she should be thankful.
  27. day_dreamer_me

    day_dreamer_me New Member

    hi there.
    you can tell your friend that she should be more patient in waiting.
    Just try and try. I know in the right time she will be having her own baby.
  28. jergonia_koh

    jergonia_koh New Member

    i had the same problem before also. maybe you could ask her to go the family doctor to get a check. dont have to feel shy.
  29. beowie

    beowie New Member

    i am now in my 2nd trimester and expecting a baby boy - my first. I tried very hard to conceive for 2 years with a miscarriage in between. I really treasure my unborn son and it's an incredible feeling to feel him kick inside my womb. I feel it is important to count our blessings and be grateful for what we have.

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