snow19
Well-Known Member
People want to have children is difficult.
People have children regretted. Lagi difficult.
I agree some more got ppl give birth Liao then treat their son like football throw here n there pity the kid
I really regret to have children
- Thread starter heeheesan
- Start date
I agree some more got ppl give birth Liao then treat their son like football throw here n there pity the kid
jazzplay
Member
Hi All, I'm a mother of 4 kids (8+, 6+, 3+ boys and 9 months old baby gal). I will usually leave my children alone when they want to play together, do drawing or watching TV. The time I spend with them will be it's homework time, outdoor activities and chit chat time.. As long as no major hurting when the boys fight, I think it's ok.
As my elder boy is in P2, I will make an effort to take a few days leave during his school holidays to bring him out. Arrange outing and tons of bonding time with them. With the additional member my gal, they seem to understand I will need to spend more time with their baby sister. Adding in another extra job scope for me "breastfeeding", every mins with the kids are precious to me. Even going downstairs to buy lunch/dinner/shopping, I will bring at least 1 kid with me. I am always the last to sleep and the first to wake up, if "Jackpot" night, my 3rd son or my gal will take turn to wake up and start "singing" to me.
My mother with 4 kids, she is the one inspired me to stay strong and play my part as a mother to my children. Although I am not sure the next time if the children will be good to us, but at least I have done my part. People always said, "Ma Ma si Wei Da di", totally agree. So all mummies, stay strong and keep going. You will see your effort very soon, even the kids dun feel it now but the ppl around you will take their hats off you.
As my elder boy is in P2, I will make an effort to take a few days leave during his school holidays to bring him out. Arrange outing and tons of bonding time with them. With the additional member my gal, they seem to understand I will need to spend more time with their baby sister. Adding in another extra job scope for me "breastfeeding", every mins with the kids are precious to me. Even going downstairs to buy lunch/dinner/shopping, I will bring at least 1 kid with me. I am always the last to sleep and the first to wake up, if "Jackpot" night, my 3rd son or my gal will take turn to wake up and start "singing" to me.
My mother with 4 kids, she is the one inspired me to stay strong and play my part as a mother to my children. Although I am not sure the next time if the children will be good to us, but at least I have done my part. People always said, "Ma Ma si Wei Da di", totally agree. So all mummies, stay strong and keep going. You will see your effort very soon, even the kids dun feel it now but the ppl around you will take their hats off you.
miffy_ang
Member
I know someone like this too. She tried 3-4 yrs to get preg and finally tried ivf. But after giving birth, she just dumped the child with the maid and parents and resumed her carefree lifestyle. Really can't understand such people.
miffy_ang
Member
missyqiqi: ya but no leh, the mother doesn't reallly bother with her child. From what i heard from my friend, the maid is the one that carry, feed, bath the child. When the child cries, the mother doesn't care, its the maid that attends to the child. The mother doesn't even know where her child's things are placed. She only play with the child at times. Despite this, the mother is now pregnant with the second child and planning for a third!
I know women have children for reasons: a complete family, the norm. Or peer influence. Friends have children and they dun want be the odd one. Husbands want children. But pls, if you do not like or love children, pls dun bring them to the world. I really pity these children who dun have their mothers' real love.
I know women have children for reasons: a complete family, the norm. Or peer influence. Friends have children and they dun want be the odd one. Husbands want children. But pls, if you do not like or love children, pls dun bring them to the world. I really pity these children who dun have their mothers' real love.
i am so glad to read this post. honestly, i have found myself say that i regret having kids too, and i still do. I dare not say it out as well! i tell myself I'm not suited to have children because i have no patience, i cant stand my 4yo's incessant talking (she cannot stop talking!!!) i get so irritated by ,my own flesh and blood! what kind of mother am I? I am only human lah. that is my human flesh nature talking. and I learn to get over it n stop being so hung up over it.
i know for a fact that children are a blessing from God. In more than 1 way.
I learnt that my children reveal my sinful nature: I have a bad temper. I have anger issues, anxiety issues (seen a therapist for that too) etc. I found out that just because my children behave like children, doesnt warrant me the excuse to lash out in anger. Instead, i realise being an adult, I';ve become so accustomed to perfect hygiene standards, quietness, "appropriate" mannerism etc., I;ve forgotten where I started from: being completely unhygienic as an infant, having no manners or learnt any etc... Who am I to "judge" my own kids for the same process I had gone through and "successfully overcome". This is a stage that they need to go through.
anyways, my children enriches me and my husband's relationship. they are trials for my husband and i to overcome n get stronger. I cant have the lifestyle my childless friends have. but when my kids r older, i can always start to travel again etc. but when I'm old, I wont have anymore children and it'll be too late to want "adult children" to love and love you back. children can be a blessing and interesting if you allow them to be. sometimes the blessing is right in front of your eyes, you just need to allow yourself to receive it, and not be so consumed by other things. so what if they fight? they need to learn to work things out. go for parenting courses if you need to.
My children, altho after screaming and scolding them, my 4yo tells me she loves me even when I am angry. she also tells me that she is afraid of me when I am angry. see, my anger issue revealed by my 4yo.
truth is, we try our best with our kids, they are also responsible for what they turn out. sure i use the cane, but i try to make sure it is only without anger. i still fail on that sometimes. and i only cane once. then i send her to naughty corner. I scream a lot at her, but it's really bad. i also started using rewards, everyday. ok, her reward is actually her calcium sweets and omega 3 gummy sweets. for things like changing into her pjs, for finishing her dinner (she takes 2 hours or longer sometimes, but my maid helps)
some things that i really hate, i get my maid to do: changing her soiled diapers. my 4yo is still pooing in her diapers!!! well, my failure as a mum i must say.
if your kids fight etc., try to find ways and solutions instead of letting it irritate you. when u allow a break through or change in mindset, you'll be amazed at the results that comes. focus on the solution. what irritates you the most about your kids? i agree with some mums' ideas, if it's tantrums in public, analyse what triggers tantrums, at most, dont bring them out in the public! or change tactic. i'm also trying out diff ways.
i also understand my mother's situation better now. i hate the "you will know when you are a mother yourself" talk. but it seems to be true. (damn it!) i hated many things about my own mum and am so miserable about it. now, i am able to slowly let go when i realise i too react exactly the same way she did!
i also returned to work to stay sane. dont feel bad about missing kids then hating every second you spend listening to their quarrels. rather, try to find solutions or accept that they will hv these moments. get whatever help you can get. sorry, i cant be of much help. we are all struggling with mpotherhood i guess.
i know for a fact that children are a blessing from God. In more than 1 way.
I learnt that my children reveal my sinful nature: I have a bad temper. I have anger issues, anxiety issues (seen a therapist for that too) etc. I found out that just because my children behave like children, doesnt warrant me the excuse to lash out in anger. Instead, i realise being an adult, I';ve become so accustomed to perfect hygiene standards, quietness, "appropriate" mannerism etc., I;ve forgotten where I started from: being completely unhygienic as an infant, having no manners or learnt any etc... Who am I to "judge" my own kids for the same process I had gone through and "successfully overcome". This is a stage that they need to go through.
anyways, my children enriches me and my husband's relationship. they are trials for my husband and i to overcome n get stronger. I cant have the lifestyle my childless friends have. but when my kids r older, i can always start to travel again etc. but when I'm old, I wont have anymore children and it'll be too late to want "adult children" to love and love you back. children can be a blessing and interesting if you allow them to be. sometimes the blessing is right in front of your eyes, you just need to allow yourself to receive it, and not be so consumed by other things. so what if they fight? they need to learn to work things out. go for parenting courses if you need to.
My children, altho after screaming and scolding them, my 4yo tells me she loves me even when I am angry. she also tells me that she is afraid of me when I am angry. see, my anger issue revealed by my 4yo.
truth is, we try our best with our kids, they are also responsible for what they turn out. sure i use the cane, but i try to make sure it is only without anger. i still fail on that sometimes. and i only cane once. then i send her to naughty corner. I scream a lot at her, but it's really bad. i also started using rewards, everyday. ok, her reward is actually her calcium sweets and omega 3 gummy sweets. for things like changing into her pjs, for finishing her dinner (she takes 2 hours or longer sometimes, but my maid helps)
some things that i really hate, i get my maid to do: changing her soiled diapers. my 4yo is still pooing in her diapers!!! well, my failure as a mum i must say.
if your kids fight etc., try to find ways and solutions instead of letting it irritate you. when u allow a break through or change in mindset, you'll be amazed at the results that comes. focus on the solution. what irritates you the most about your kids? i agree with some mums' ideas, if it's tantrums in public, analyse what triggers tantrums, at most, dont bring them out in the public! or change tactic. i'm also trying out diff ways.
i also understand my mother's situation better now. i hate the "you will know when you are a mother yourself" talk. but it seems to be true. (damn it!) i hated many things about my own mum and am so miserable about it. now, i am able to slowly let go when i realise i too react exactly the same way she did!
i also returned to work to stay sane. dont feel bad about missing kids then hating every second you spend listening to their quarrels. rather, try to find solutions or accept that they will hv these moments. get whatever help you can get. sorry, i cant be of much help. we are all struggling with mpotherhood i guess.
Kiernn
Member
hey mummies, it feels a little helpless seeing problems mentioned here by some of you.
i've two toddlers - one is 4, and one 2. it's basically what you guys have mentioned - the scary stage! haahah.
but oh man, instead of whacking them, i reason with the 4 yo like an adult. Although he will still insist his stand, like he wants this thing now, and he will go on and on, I will just dig out all my patience and say no, explain to him when he can have it and why he needs to wait till then. if he doesn't, he will not have the thing he wants at all.
I train him to clean up the mess that he make, and when he earn it, i will treat him to goodies, and on good days, he get to choose something that he likes but kept at certain price, e.g. $20. I think this trains him to cherish what he wants because he earns it.
For the 2yo, although cheeky, she observes what the elder one does. she does try to get her way through it at times, but i think this foundation must be build while young.
i've two toddlers - one is 4, and one 2. it's basically what you guys have mentioned - the scary stage! haahah.
but oh man, instead of whacking them, i reason with the 4 yo like an adult. Although he will still insist his stand, like he wants this thing now, and he will go on and on, I will just dig out all my patience and say no, explain to him when he can have it and why he needs to wait till then. if he doesn't, he will not have the thing he wants at all.
I train him to clean up the mess that he make, and when he earn it, i will treat him to goodies, and on good days, he get to choose something that he likes but kept at certain price, e.g. $20. I think this trains him to cherish what he wants because he earns it.
For the 2yo, although cheeky, she observes what the elder one does. she does try to get her way through it at times, but i think this foundation must be build while young.
Kiernn
Member
Hahaha. wah, you're already trying to talk like an adult with your 2yo?
My 2yo is quite a princess.. hahaha. but well, she is smart, know how to observe the elder one. So she will test her way through for some matters, just like testing our patience. lol.
I read an article recently, apparently the researchers encourage parents to talk to kids like adult when they are newborns. this will actually help them in growing up.
My 2yo is quite a princess.. hahaha. but well, she is smart, know how to observe the elder one. So she will test her way through for some matters, just like testing our patience. lol.
I read an article recently, apparently the researchers encourage parents to talk to kids like adult when they are newborns. this will actually help them in growing up.
Hi lovelove,Thanks mummies, really feel my problem being recognize here rather than when i confided with my own mum, she just said,"I felt very sick listening to you complaining about the same issue!" I felt hurt and disappointed. Perhaps this is when I knew that I have been complaining the same issue numerous time till i miscount.
My kids actually behave well and better in me or maid absence, they prefer to listen to other than me which I also felt puzzled.
My naughty corner already "no effect", they seems to be playing and even stand when I did not even ask them to. Now i told myself i give up and will not use cane or try not to beat them as it doesn't work either. They will repeat again and again without fail. Hopefully they will pass through the "terribles" period and I can really enjoy so-called motherhood like any others.
To be frank, i really wish I can walk away, but even i shut the room door, i still could not control myself to walk out of the room to see what is going on when i heard the screaming and shuting, banging etc. I knew the maid is there to watch them but i simply can't completely shut myself out. HOme is for me to rest too, i have to work for 5 days and also hope to rest over the weekend. In fact, I really don't mind to spend all my spare time with my kids, go anywhere i can if they can behave themselves and don't "disgrace" me in the public when people start to stare at us as though these are "mother never teach" childrens. I swear that I really tried my best to disclipine them, both soft and hard approach i had used, but why they are still behaving like these.
At times, i really blame myself for the wrong decision i had made, i never foreseen having 2 kids in such a small gap have to face these misery in the first place.
Sorry for all these, i just need a place to tell out how i REALLY feel.
I have a gal myself n she is turning 3 year old soon. These 3 years hv never been better in my entire life as she was my motivation when I was tired and worn out from work. Her warm when she welcomes me home after a long hard day just made everything worth the effort. From the day she was born, my hubby n I made an effort to take care of her by ourselves, and most importantly, never treating her like a kid, we gave her the respect any adults shld get, talk in adult languages to her and when she does something wrong, we will explain to her why she shouldnt be doing that. At least she understands and if she does it again, she will know why she gets punished. Her mentality n mannerisms now are very adult like, which surprises a lot of adults around her, who expects her to be like any other children who would cry n throw tantrums when they dont get their way. What I am trying to convey is, when u punish ur kids, do they know why they are being punished? If they understood and they still do it, are they trying to challenge u because they think u are trying to impose ur adulthood om them? If u treat them like and adult, and give them the respect as how u would respect other adults, they would know how to carry themselves like one too. If you treat them like a kid, they will act like a kid. Do not underestimate kids, they know more than u think they do. And they actually grow better when u praise them rather than scolding them. How many times we find ourselves scolding our kids when they do something wrong but forgetting to praise them when they do something right? We take them for granted, like we gave birth to them so they should be controlled by us. Actually our children mirrors us, they are almost the exact replicate of who we are. Perhaps if you stop screaming at them, they will learn to stop screaming in public too. They learn from what they see in us. Im sorry if it might sound harsh, but that is the case for my child and what I see in the children and parents around me. So before we blame them for everything, we should do some self reflections on ourselves too.
pumpkeen
New Member
Though nowadays men are helping to ease the burden at home, be it housework or taking care of the children, I still feel that mummy is still the person in charge, for when things go wrong, both kids & father will seek advice from mummy, right? Well, i am not complaining, in fact i think this is actually an honorable role!
I am pregnant with #2, my boy is now 21mo, hubby is away 50% of the time, currently no maid. Like most boys, my boy is a terror, he shouts, screams, jumps, runs, pulls, pushes whatever he can lay his hands on and he is most capable of creating ghastly messes!! Sometimes i feel it is a pill too bitter to take, i lost control and had emotional breakdowns at times, but at the end of the day, i know we have to grind the stones and pull through, they are our babies, if we don't care for them, who else will? Patience, love, care and understanding are what we need.
Seriously, it is only for a few years, they grow up much faster than you thought and before you knew it, their childhood had slipped through your fingers...
I am pregnant with #2, my boy is now 21mo, hubby is away 50% of the time, currently no maid. Like most boys, my boy is a terror, he shouts, screams, jumps, runs, pulls, pushes whatever he can lay his hands on and he is most capable of creating ghastly messes!! Sometimes i feel it is a pill too bitter to take, i lost control and had emotional breakdowns at times, but at the end of the day, i know we have to grind the stones and pull through, they are our babies, if we don't care for them, who else will? Patience, love, care and understanding are what we need.
Seriously, it is only for a few years, they grow up much faster than you thought and before you knew it, their childhood had slipped through your fingers...
