I really regret to have children

heeheesan

Member
Just to let my feeling out here, I confided to my mum and she said she is tired and sick of listening to all my grumbling and complaints. I also knew that I am really 101% wrong to feel this way but I can't help it.

I have not lack of anything though financially I am also very stress but still managable, husband is okay, and with 2 lovely kids (son and daughter). But to be frank, I am not happy and regretted to have children. I can't deny that they are cute and bring joy and laughter to us at times, but the miserable moment is far more than happiness. They are so noisy and everyday fighting over everything. I had tried all means, be it scolding, caning, talking senses and both hard and soft approach doesn't work at all completely. (My son is 4 and girl is 2). I can't handle them and worse still in public, they just behave like "monkeys", lie down on the floor to protest, keep screaming and cannot stop. They are ok, not hyperactives as what doctor said, but why are they giving me a tough time. Whenever I see all these scenes, i really regret having kids.

Before married, I don't really like kids and I do not play with any be it my niece or other cute cute children. I do not know how to and I am not keen to learn at all. But after married, we thought the family will be complete with a children. By the time my son reach 1+, we thought to have a companion and when we aged and left, our childrens still have each other. But all the assumption we had made are wrong, my husband always told me children are like that, but to me, children should not behave like that.
I also tried my best to shower them with love, we also provide them a complete family model and do not have short of anything which we can afford all given to them, why they bring so much misery to my life. Everyday after work, i rush back home to really wanting to see them, but the moment they start the war and make all sort of noise again, i really can't stand it. Even when my maid told me to just rest in the room, the noise level simply unbearable. I had the thoughts of leaving the house, but where can i go? Even if i leave, the fact that these 2 kids belong to me can never change.

I really feel helpless, I do not know how to disclipline and coach them. Both soft and hard approach doesn't work at all for me. Everyday in my life is screaming, shouting, what else can i do? Am i going to live in this type of life forveer? I really can't take it anymore but what can i do? I have been complaining about my life being miserable to my family and they somehow got sick of it and refuse to lend a listening ear anymore.

Nobody understand and i knew that whatever i say, I can't do anything because this is the reality and fact that i have 2 kids. Driving me crazy and i really hate childrens. it have been 4 years and the regret in me still exist, why?
 
Dear Love Love,

We are in same situation as 2 kids, 4 and 2 yrs. Although both are gals, still active and fight everything that ur kids are fighting. My hubby works most of the evenings. I truly understands how you feel. The moment i step into the hse, i need to be fast and fetched them from school... My 2nd shift of the day started, bath, feed, teach them some works, play with them, sit down with them, change them to PJ and pat them to sleep and then finally, i got my own time (10 plus). Everyday is the same routine and weekend worst. I still have to bring my elder gals to class (piano, violin, chinese and abacus) in the evening so i will drag two to take public transport alone. I also got burnout and my anger is worse than anyone. I even depressed till i need to see PSY to get my angry treated, sourcing for anger management course etc. I am thinking y do i have to go through these etc. But they are still two small little ones that drive us nut yet they also bring us happiness and laughter.

I think that you have burnout. Why dont you take a few days off to go oversea to have a break if possible? or switched to part time if financial allows? I definitely know is not easy esp when there is no much support. i think your helper is quite good to ask you to rest.

Tahan a few more years and u will see ur effort is worthwhile. All mummies: Jia you.
 

heeheesan

Member
Lovelygals,
Thanks for sharing with me, you are handling much better compare to me.

I just returned from business trips for a week, before i return, i do miss them, the kids fetched and hugged me when they saw me out of the airport gate and at that moment, i felt so sweet. HOwever, back to home, i faced the same
thing again, which i wish i can get out of here for good.

This is very bad i know, but there is nothing for me to do, i can't leave and i stay, but i have to suffer all these

My parents also told me to endure for a few more years, to me, this is very draggy and i keep having the thoughts i live in misery.
 
Love Love,

Cheer up. Why not you try to drain their energy before they drain urs? Try bringing them to the playground and let them run. Ask ur helper to look after while u sit at the side to just look at them. You will enjoy the scene when ur two children running around and laughing. Next bring them down to the void deck to play bubbles or cycling or bring them down to paint etc. Alot of activities to try.

Nothing in the world is difficult if we try to think of solution. We are all here to support each other. let bring our children out to be playdates ...

All the best
 

ltbs2006

Member
Dear all,

I understand how you all feel. Things will get better as your kids get older and outgrow the terrible 2s and 4s. I have 2 gals, now 6 & 4. When they were younger, there was constant war at home - fighting over everything, from food to toys to clothes etc. And still need to feed and bathe them. And hubby and I still need to do housework. It was very very tough cos we had very little help. Both of us working - send to bbsitter in the morning, bring home in the evening on weekdays. Weekends we have to handle everything cos no maid, no help from parents or in-laws, basically NO HELP from anyone. Just mutual support between me and my hubby. There were many times where both of us became zombies due to lack of rest and sleep. And when the kids and or us fell sick...

Now that they are older, things are better. They are now better able to manage their emotions and feelings, and help out with some simple housework. They are also able to keep a look-out for each other, and are more independent (the older one is also able to bathe, feed, brush teeth herself, while the younger one can also do most of it). They do bring joy and laughter at moments, and this will melt our hearts and make us forget about all their nonsense. That's why we decided to bite the bullet and go for #3, who is due in October.

Bear in mind we are not alone
 

san20sg

Member
lovely gal, that's very good advice!

lovelovelove, you can try to read gina ford's the contented toddler years. it's pretty good.
 
Hi Louisel,

I am also interested in that book. I also reading the happiest toddler in the block. Will try to source in library

Thanks
 

frog

Active Member
I have 2 kids as well, 5 and 2, and I do emphatise with you. Children, unfortunately, will be children, and for us parents there are bound to be lots of ups and downs. Some of the principles of which I apply in parenting are:
1. I shall not let my children control my life.
2. I shall not be my own mother (screaming, shouting, nagging).

For the first one, putting into implementation meant having my children sleep as early as 7pm or 8pm. It means not spending a lot of time with them after work, but it also means plenty of ME time, and couple time, or working overtime! It also helps as having adequate amount of sleep translates to less tantrums, and more focused minds in the day.

On the second tone, instead of shouting or screaming at them (like my mother did for me, and now doing at my children), I elect to just give them the dagger stare. Put them at the naughty corner. I actually do use the cane, but most sparingly - I remind myself, that if I do have to use it, it is to teach them a lesson, and not to vent my anger. If I am angry, I walk away.

Perhaps you could try to see what are the reasons they throw tantrum in public (mine would be because they are tired); and then avoid it (e.g. we hit the mall at 10:30 and lunch at 11:30am!!). Reward them for good behaviour - ice cream, etc. Or just take them out to do something they enjoy - swimming pool, beach, playground, etc. Sometimes, children fight to get the attention of those they love - e.g. the mother! In my case, I realised that my children are much better behaved without the presence of my MIL or maid.

Whatever it is, please do note that you are not alone, and by no means are you any less a mother than anyone else. I think being a FTWM keeps me sane, and I am in total understanding and agreement that childcare/babysitting isn't for everyone. Loving our children doesn't mean loving the things they do and the way they behave. Slowly... we are here to support you. Jia you!
 

heeheesan

Member
Thanks mummies, really feel my problem being recognize here rather than when i confided with my own mum, she just said,"I felt very sick listening to you complaining about the same issue!" I felt hurt and disappointed. Perhaps this is when I knew that I have been complaining the same issue numerous time till i miscount.

My kids actually behave well and better in me or maid absence, they prefer to listen to other than me which I also felt puzzled.

My naughty corner already "no effect", they seems to be playing and even stand when I did not even ask them to
. Now i told myself i give up and will not use cane or try not to beat them as it doesn't work either. They will repeat again and again without fail. Hopefully they will pass through the "terribles" period and I can really enjoy so-called motherhood like any others.

To be frank, i really wish I can walk away, but even i shut the room door, i still could not control myself to walk out of the room to see what is going on when i heard the screaming and shuting, banging etc. I knew the maid is there to watch them but i simply can't completely shut myself out. HOme is for me to rest too, i have to work for 5 days and also hope to rest over the weekend. In fact, I really don't mind to spend all my spare time with my kids, go anywhere i can if they can behave themselves and don't "disgrace" me in the public when people start to stare at us as though these are "mother never teach" childrens. I swear that I really tried my best to disclipine them, both soft and hard approach i had used, but why they are still behaving like these.

At times, i really blame myself for the wrong decision i had made, i never foreseen having 2 kids in such a small gap have to face these misery in the first place.

Sorry for all these, i just need a place to tell out how i REALLY feel.
 
Lovely gal: the suggestion to drain the kid's energy's really a great one!! =)

LoveLove: Does your husband help out in managing them? Do you want to consider seeing a counselor to identify the true source of the problem?

Say, for example, if your stress is a combination of (1) husband allowing the kids to be how they are and thinking that kids are like that etc, (2) you having to manage the kids after a long day at work and (3) you find tt they are a disgrace and you cannot stand the stares from strangers etc, then maybe try to eliminate those stares one by one..

Maybe you can try to engage your husband's help in managing them when you yourself need a time out from them? Need a discussion with your hb on how do yall want to go about disciplining the kids etc.

If you are uncomfortable with strangers' stares and feel disgraced over the kids' actions, then maybe can bring them out lesser?

This was what I learnt from the Occupational Therapist.. coz I find tt my kid's behaviour's not too manageable and she said tt if we were to enforce rules, we have to be firm.. cannot give in if kiddo wails etc, coz tt would be rewarding bad behaviour.. then the next time round, they will know tt if they wail hard or long enough, you will crack and give in.. So lessons learnt from the OT is (A) do not reward bad behavious and (B) start from home..

I then asked her, if at home, I should be able to manage with the help of a cane.. But I cant be bringing out the cane each time she is naughty, then her response was to bring her out less, until she can behave.. It will then reduce the stress to the parents, from having to deal with naughty kids as well as the stares and feeling of having caused inconvenience to others etc.. The second suggestion sounds real hard but tis worth a try tho.. if it can correct their behaviour..

Do you have a feel tt you can accomplish much more if you are without kids? Sometimes, if there is work stress, we will tend to blame it on the kids too, for them impeding on our careers etc.. Like if the Boss expects one to be responsible to work OT to clear work etc, or fly for meetings but somehow, we are unable to accomodate those requests tt often, some form of stress will build up and we will start to worry, then we will conveniently blame it on the kids for being the one holding us back etc..

So, it will be best for you to take time off for yourself and question yourself, what exactly is it that you wanted and how can you get there in the present circumstances. Do note that family is here to stay and we can't be bringing the kids into this world and then just chuck them aside and leaving them out in our planning etc. Since they are already in the picture, try to think of solutions that will be a win-win situation for all.. Do not try to do things all alone, you will feel the burden so much so much more.. Engage help in your husband etc.. Try to find constructive solutions instead of just thinking all bad of the kids..

Oh yar, pertaining to the naughty corner that is of no use, maybe you want to separate them and keep them in the room? My kid won't stay in the naughty corner, so if she is naughty, I will throw her into another room (that none of us sleep in etc) and then lock her in.. am trying to instil a bit of healthy fear (heh heh, dun laugh at me or think that all fear are bad.. =p) in her such that I can still have reins over her.. else she'll run amok and be so naughty every day.. -_-

Good Luck and hope that you will find your peace soon in the current scenario, with your husband and your 2 kids..
 

amaratine

Member
Hi Lovelove

U are realli not alone...i m in the same shoes n feeling exactly the same way u r feeling now.
In fact right before I read yr post, i was already feeling like a failure mother. Maybe it is heaven's arrangement for mi to chance upon ur post so tat i noe that i m not alone.
My kids r fighting EVERYDAY as well. girl 4+ n boy 2+. MY elder will not give in to the younger, the younger is those bad tempered kind, die die want means want. Everyday I am like mad woman trying to break their fights..
Intention of hving a 2nd child is to give her a sibling so tat will not be lonely n have someone to share..now it looks like i have made a wrong decision cos she is not exactly happie n things r going downhill with the birth of my younger son.
U r luckier that u still hv a maid to assist u, i hv no helper n my hubby not those hands on type. I have to do everything myself.
Whenever we see other people's kids behaving well outside , it made mi feel even lousier abt myself. I have sacrificed alot for my children, but this is wat i get from them..so tough to be a gd mother.
 

amaratine

Member
Lovely gal, u too jiayou. I knoe how it is like to bring 2 to tk public transport for enrichments. in the end i gv up ....
i am on my own during weekends too, hubby work every weekend.
i m glad that i chanced upon tis thread n get to know that i m not alone...tis reminder will gv mi some strength n not feel as bad abt myself..i m always asking myself wat exactly did i do wrong as a mother ....i was very stressed at one point that i need to tk relaxant in order to sleep .
it's gd that u sought professional help to handle ur emotions. A mentally n emotionally sound mother is really impt to the kids. I feel like I can go crazy almost anytime with all the fightings going on everyday. wen i was younger i also nvr fight so freq with my siblings even tho age gap the same. why my kids just cant be nice to each other??
 

san20sg

Member
aiyo please don't despair. there are no bad mothers.

think it is just the terrible twos period. it will go over soon.
 
Dear Mummies,

There is no bad mummies in the world. The moment we get pregnant, we are starting to be the greatest mummy in the world: to start off with bad morning, afternoon evening sickness, pain here and there, pee so often, look fat, memories loss, heavy etc, after birth, terrible confinement (i dont have cse no one help. 2nd day already bathe my gal and my hubby went for reservist). Breastfeedin suffering etc.. till terrible 2, 3, 4, 5 then worry about their studies followed till they married also married till we pass away...

Life still go on. We all can make it to a day when children hug us and say thank you mummy, you are the best.

Cheer up..
 

bboy

Member
ive the same exactly feeling like you but this totally chg me when i read an article abt 'lost of a child'. i feld sad for the parents and i asked myself 'what will happened to me if something bad happen to my kids?' i will get even more depressed and mad probably.

im blessed as both my kids are healthy so the more they are shouting screaming the more i understand that they are precious now. put your mind in differ way might help you.

keep shower them with love and care. set aside public ppl thinking abt you.
 

amaratine

Member
yawn, yes thanks for reminding us. nothing is as bad as the lost of a child. i shld be counting my blessings that my children r healthy enuff to "scream" n "fight" ...
this mrg, before my daughter went to sch, she told mi : "mummy, i hope u will have a gd rest day when we are at sch" and gave mi a peck on my cheek. haha her emphasis on GOOD REST DAY makes mi realise she knows that I am feeling tired taking care of them.
i will try to look at things at the brighter side. hopefully tey will slowly learn to share n be nicer to each other.
 

erineting

New Member
Hi,
Can understand what your feeling right now...sometime i have to same feeling as you too...

I have 2 boys as well, 7 yrs old boy character very soft and 2 yrs old boy very active like a "energy rabbit".. after my second son come out i'm got never get a good rest and busy around him... he very stick with me too ... sometime i feel like regret because i got no life and freedom at all...

Since we get a "energy rabbit" our life change... he alway keep us busy....angry.... laugh ... happy at all...

My husband alway told me, try to enjoy every moment with our kids, they are cute and happiness in the family... and think a brighter side because they are just a happy kids
 

mrs_chew

Member
To me, your life will become restless, angry yet cannot vent it out, panic, sleepless and unsettled is when your child becomes a teenager.

Sometimes, I just hope they do not grow up so fast.
 

cheeka

Active Member
LOVELOVE: Please be grateful for what you have. Just because it's easy for you to have children doesnt mean that you have to take them for granted. There are so many ladies in this forum who have tried many years to have children without avail.

I believe if you dont have children in the first place or if you need to go through IUI or IVF or other fertility treatment to have children, you wont say what you just said.

Im not saying that having children is gonna be fine and dandy. What Im saying is, people normally take granted the things that they get easily.
 

ttcing

Member
Love love: I totally agree with Cheeka too.
Pls do appreciate your kids and dun take them for granted. In fact, I envy u for being able to experience the joy of having ur kids growing up healthily and though they r naughty and rowdy at times, which kids doesn't? Before u know it, they will grow up, reach their teens and may prefer their friends more.

Be happy and thankful for your kids ok
 

mummykoh

Member
Lovelove: I think you should seek some help...It's not healthy for you to feel this way for too long. I have my 'blood-boiling' frustration moments too, esp when I see my boy (who's already in Pri sch) still shed tears over small things in public...wonder why he cannot control himself etc..but after a while, heck the stares people give, They don't know what you're going through.

I don't know if it'll help, but perhaps one of your kids should go to full-day or half-day school cum childcare. That might minimize the fighting? Hopefully absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Also, I think after a while, screaming and shouting really doesn't work cos our kids get 'sensitized' to it. I find myself constantly changing strategies in disciplining my son. Basically the mantra is 'hit where it hurts'. I know it sounds very cruel, but hey, when it's effective, you will only need to hit once! :p Eg when my boy was 4 he challenged me when I threatened punishment, which was to give away all his toys that had wheels. He probably thought it's not possible cos he had SOOO many cars/trucks/trains.. But I did. Packed away a few SUITCASES of it!Then after that he had to earn them back. It's been a few years since that punishment and he never managed to earn all back. Think he forgot about some of them too :p But he never forgot how Mummy carried out that horrible punishment.

Hang in there...cut yourself some slack. We all try our best and our kids may not be angels. But all this shall pass!
 

rykgirl

Member
I'm a mom who hates kids too.. My hb too! And worse, I'm a SAHM with no help so I face them 24/7 until they can go childcare.. Haha.. HB and I were crazy liao.. Don't know what came over me to take the first step of conceiving.. Haiz

We also regret for most of the times.. Never expected kids to be so difficult and eat up our lives.. Want to go holiday also must lug them and everything along.. Can't even go out for suppers.. Movies? Daytime movie lor.. No more social life already.. They're so young, we cannot even eat steamboat outside! But I keep telling myself "So what if I regret? I cannot push them back inside already.." Then I will simply take 1 step at a time, 1 meal at a time, a day at a time etc.. Don't look so far.. Time will pass one..

My kids are now aged 1.5yo and 3yo only but they were better than infant stage already! Difficult for us cos we take care of night feeds and baths and everything ourselves.. Toddlers are much easier, although much more active..

Now, we DREAD weekends cos no childcare.. But we still have to live with it.. So we try our best to, yes, drain their energy! Bring them to those indoor playground.. Since they're so big already, u can let them run around with the maid while u sit and relax with hb.. Very xing fu already.. HB and I still gotta chase them around and watch like a hawk! Haha.. But I look forward to them reaching a bigger age like yours so they can go play by themselves..

Appreciate your maid.. She's a very big help (from what I read).. Lucky u.. I know u don't feel lucky but no matter how tough it is, we cannot turn back time, cannot murder them and won't walk out on our husbands and home and lose everything right? I even thought about giving mine for adoption! But think it's prolly impossible in SG lah.. Everything also must have legal reason..

Meanwhile, maybe can go see a psychiatrist? My HB is actually seeing one due to kids stress too.. His anger is so much that he gets violent with the kids unknowingly.. But perhaps the doc can prescribe u a med to keep u happier?

Jia you mummy! U're NOT ALONE!
 

pony

New Member
Hi,

I'm a ftwm of 3 - 2yrs, 3.5yrs and 5 yrs. Still learning to be a mum, below are some of the things that u can consider doing especially weekend:
- too noisy, maybe the kids can go outdoor eg go swimming or to the park, I'll make them walk or swim till almost tired, also they can scream and shout all they want. Go home- wash up, eat and sleep. They will be tired too.
- try to get some Me time and don't feel guilty abt it especially u got support. eg take some time to go shopping/ meet up q friends. May helps to maintain some sanity.
- if possible, drop the kids for 2-3 hrs w in-laws or parents, spent some couple time.
- tell the kids that u meant what u say,be firm, I told my son if he doesn't get up from the floor in a public area, I'll walk area and really do that. Try a few times and It may work. Try to pick yr battlegrounds eg in a less crowded area.
 

coping

Member
Pearly I love kids but I never know so much demands.ni nvr know going so much for kids and then one if them need special help need go special sch therapy and I really have no support...lousy irresponsible maids cos they see I need then more than they need us. The maid just quit n interview new ones will ask the number the gender of kids!!! I feel they interview me n not the other way.. Govt wants kids but grand parents dun want can even say so many will they be filial???
 

coping

Member
Govt should educate grandparents last time they morr willing to help..now they play dun help..y hv special need child? We dunno but we are learning to accept the child too..grandparents dun care ..ask us u give birth take care but,we have kids in child care who will fall sick n. Onwho need us to help..the stop at 2 advertisement says it all..more kids u have less to share.. I
 

coping

Member
It changing of mindset..i hv more kids more chores just going on hospital visit take ne awayvfrom the other kids..n maids alone unreliable cos kids too young but grandparents dun bother...feel like migrating where my hb has wk lifr n not live me to run the hse on my own...good to have many if all kids are healthy n strong but govt no one xan guarantee but can grandparents help..they are economical stable dun want u money ask u go getmaid n survive on your own!
 

saffron

New Member
爱爱,
Don't blame yourself. When you made the decision to have another child, you have no idea what the future is like. So you have done nothing wrong. Life does not always turn out the way we like it, we just have to find ways to deal with it.

I have a very demanding job and I always feel very tired when I return home. My hubby is also very busy with work and often comes home late. My kids age less than 20 months apart. Every night, I separate them into different rooms. Each of them have their own set of books and toys, so they don't need to fight. My maid or mother looks after one, while I look after another one. The kids take turns to be with me. When I am not too tired, I read with them. When I am very tired, I put one child on my bed with me, then let him/her watch the Leapfrog DVDs which are very educational. I don't put my kids to bed, I usually fall asleep before they do. I leave it to my hubby to take care of them. They do get very noisy, but I just close the bedroom door and sleep.

I did not like to bring the kids out when they were below 4 years old, it was too tiring for me to constantly take care of them. So I seldom bring them for outing. If I do, I brought only one child at a time, easier to handle. I tell the kids that they get to go out only if they behave. If one kid is naughty, I only bring the other one out.

By the time the kids are 5 to 6 years old, they don't bother me anymore. They read books and play on their own. I felt that I am beginning to have my life back again.

I also don't like babies and very young kids. I like them much better when they are over 6 years old.

Try to find things to occupy yourself. For example, if you have an ipad, install PPS.tv and watch Korean/HK/Taiwan/China series for free. Do online shopping. Chat on the forum.
 

rykgirl

Member
goodtry,
True.. We will never understand how demanding are kids until we have them.. We can look and see other parents all we want but it's different when they are our own responsibility.. Not everyone has help from parents or ILs too.. Both my kids still very young so I'm not sure abt the special needs part.. But I'm afraid that my girl needs speech therapy cos she turns 3 this Oct but still doesn't talk much.. Haiz.. Really very stress hor..
 

coping

Member
Yes my world crush when the dr say my yg id autistic kp screaming...v v v draining but he has his cute side..i should do advert for I love kids...i even went IVF to hv!!!! So nuch pain so much tears so much money I love them but I cant cope especially with the dd of special child!! How do I know it special..i took govt grant to hv ivf .. So is govt helping me with special kids...no .not even in law..i face all the blame..how do we predict the future?? But I still luv them dearly but felt sad I burden ny other kudd with a sibling but I pray they will be mature n luv him no matter what even whrn I gone...when preg we worry healthy or not when old study hard can study ir not...now instead they support me I worry wo take care if him...but I can only trust God to see me thru!
 

adel_g

New Member
Hi to all the mommies out there
I feel so warmhearted that mommies are just wonderful friends that we can count on. chanced upon this thread and with all the supporting and encouraging words, i believe we can help each other to pull through tough times.. lovelove and other mommies, JIA YOU!
 

frog

Active Member
Well, I actually love children and always knew I want to have at least two of them. Of course, no amount of love can prepare us for the actual work and effort that is involved in first, TTC, then, finally having them, and then, taking care of them. Sometimes, when my DD throw tantrums, tantrums so big and so illogical, I really feel like I have either failed so badly, or why did I get myself into such a mess? What I am trying to say is, for every one, there are the bad days. Unfortunately, some parents have more bad days than others.

One of the things I have noticed is that the more we try to shut them out or ignore them, the noisier the house is, the louder the tantrums. Instead of trying to run away, face them directly - engage them. Interest them. So, usually, I would take preventive measures - Saturday morning take them out cycling, running at the park, tire them out, and by 11am head for lunch - by this time they are hungry and tired... after that, we head home and have a long afternoon nap together. I love watching their peaceful features when they sleep - reminds me of how innocent they truly are.

All the best to mommies here. Jia you!!
 
Maybe you can take a different approach, tell yourself these are kids, what are kids without mischief and noise? Would you rather they be quiet and sit down with no noise?

The noises and laughter are what makes up a kid - we all grew up the same.

Nothing is forever and they will outgrow it.

I have 3 kids, 30 mths, 11 mths and a new born arriving this Dec. I work full time and handle them when i am at home. Since March 2010 when no 1 appear, i have never slept thru.. Even though i am pregnant with no 2 or 3, i am still doing things myself with them even though i have a maid. The maid is soley for housework.

For me even though they make me very tired, i still feel it is a joy having them.

Hope your mindset will change soon...
 

faithmummy1706

Well-Known Member
I agree with chekka and ttcing.
i just had a miscarriage... and now i will do anyting to have my bb with me again. Its not easy to be a mother. There are definitely sacrifices to make. Try to think positive and appreciate what you have. Maybe have a good talk with your hubby to work things through. He need to do his part too
 

applesoup

New Member
Hi love love,

You are not alone. And perhaps you may feel that you are not in control of your kids? I felt like that too and found that this book really helped its called "the strong-willed child" by dr James Dobson. I remember that I bought it in desperation when my two boys aged 5 and 3 were acting up. It's a Christian book, but even if you are not a Christian there are many values and principles that are very helpful. And the book is also addressed to parents who feel very helpless with their kids, and assuring them it's really not their fault. I found it very comforting to read it. Maybe you can try
 

hilfe

Member
I think some children are better at tantrums than others...BUT...
Worry not.

Usually, those who are mischievous when they are kids, become successful adults later. I've seen many among my family.
 

happymummy84

New Member
When I first got pregnant I wasn't sure too if that was what I want. When he reached terrible two's, I can tell you, I said the same thing like LoveLove too. I regret having a kid! And for the sake of my sanity, I will never have another one again.

But I ate my words... cos now I'm pregnant with my number 2 and yes, I am so keeping this!!!

I want many kids as possible to put "life" in my empty home.

Yes, we are all different. Some mothers are really "motherly" (those that enjoy the sound of screaming kids in their house). While some are not. But some of them "some" may also possibly reach the point of acceptance sooner or later in life... and that's a good thing.

We can't ask LoveLove to feel the same we do. We certainly have no rights to condemn her current feelings just because we thought we are right.

We need to assure her that, before she know it, kids will outgrow their "naughtiness" stage and the peace at her home will sooncome back again, but that time, with two grown up kids that will constantly put smile on her face.
 

assamjam

Member
Yes, agree with cheeka and moorspa.
Having not working for years to take care of a not so easy to feed and sleep child, it is very stressful frigthening and up to our nerves...But,as you see your child grow,talkative, to express "mummy, i love you", all the sufferings,worries of bringing a child up no matter hoe tough the babyhood to young toddler age totally melt...We,must remind ourselves to be positive,cheerful to bring a new good chi and aura to our spouse,child,family. I finally learnt it..
 

eve0513

Member
Dear All, read this sentence from an article:'kid does not choose to come to this world, is parent who decided to have them & bring them to our world'. I believe all of us go through challenging parenthood but kid is innocent, let's continue to love them at our best..and encourage each other. We can do it!
 

luvmum

Member
Wanted to give all my TLC to my 2 kids but when one is a special needs child, your whole world crash, your dreams gone n your heart shattered into pieces. U want to give him a chance to integrate into this world but no one welcomes him with open arms. Worst is my relationship with my husband has gone downhill as a result.

If there's a turning back clock, I will not want to hv my present life.
 

babyink

Member
I have experienced what I used to term "nightmares" , similar to the feelings some mummies shared in this forum. My kids are very expressive, strong willed types. Till today, they still give me "night mares" although I hardly use the term anymore.
What I learnt from my early motherhood experience is that kids are not like adults and they will not behave as we expect them to. Onc you accept this as a fact of life, you will start to notice the happiness that kids bring, much more than the woes
. It sounds easy but hard to do. It took me many years to realize it takes a mindset change. Kids will be kids, no matter what you do. If you have tried your best, that's all that matters.
 
Luv Mum, I'm sure as much as mums all love their child, it's really not easy to care for a special needs kid. Just recently I watched the first episode of Truck of Joy at channel 8 about the special needs kid, I'm very impressed and salute of the parents who try their best to bring up those kids, shower them if lotsa medical attention and love even though they know that they are not going to live too long and they are not going to grow up normally. And in addition, those couples are having another kid to take care of, so imagine 2 normal kids are hard to deal, how about one normal and one special? Please be strong, I'm sure your husband is also getting the stress that's why it's affecting your marriage, both of them needs you...

I only have one kid (although I secretly wanted another sometimes but we cannot afford to), he is also stubborn and refuses to listen to me at times, strong willed and bring me embarrassing moments in public too but I will always tell myself no matter how naughty he is, at least I have a healthy and cheeky boy... And actually there are times he is sweet too I do try forget the "bad times" we had. Mothers of two, maybe they are young so are constantly fighting, learn to let go a bit and take it as it's their chance to learn how to resolve conflicts on their own, enjoy your motherhood, take a rest if you need!!
 
my HB says he wanna walk out all the time bcos of the 2 kids too, jokingly i hope.
really tough, mine is 2.5 and 7 mths. cannot imagine when they are 4 and 2 * shudders*
at times i really feel inadequate and a lousy mum, and lousy employee. now i understand why when people become parents, they either become very good ( stay in office all the time to avoid taking care of kids ) or very bad ( can't focus becos of the kids )
it's really tough and i admire all these people who raise 3 or more kids and still stay sane.
 

eugenesella

Member
I believe all mothers at one point wished that they can just run away! Hahahaha take it easy :) it is really the first few years that makes us crazy. For me I am so looking forward to my kids go to secondary school so that i can sleep 7 hrs again and watch movie when ever I want hahaha! Currently I have 2yrs+11months daughter, 1 year old son and another one coming next month.

I always envy my other married friends who have no kids. They always go overseas, dine out at nice restaurants. I cannot go out... It takes many planning even when I want to leave the kids at home for a few hours.

I hope that your children will behave better over time. Ermm they are quite big, you can try talking to them (when they are calm) and tell them that you are tired and hope that they can give you some rest. It sounds silly though, as if they understand. But u can try :)

For the discipline problem. For me, I don't use hitting method. I use time-out method. When my daughter is naughty, I will lock her in my room for around 2-5 mins. Now, she seldom give me problem. She scared of the timeout. Hitting her does not work btw.

Well, different kids need different method of discipline. I am honestly very worried about my son turning 2. I have to discipline someone all over again. And i dunno whether the method that i know best will work on him. When the third one comes, I have to do it all over again one more time.

Anyway, hope all mothers out there will find the strength to carry on. We dedicate our lives to our children so that they will grow to be the best person they can be.
 

storelady01

New Member
I am so glad to chance upon this post. Just I thought I was so helpless....my son is 16 mth old. He is a super active boy and very cranky when he is sleepy and refuse to sleep. His screams and tantrums really put me off until I have to walk out of the house one day leaving my hubby and son alone.

I thot post natal depression days were over but looks like its not yet. He is waking up 3 to 4 times every night either screaming, or wants milk... we have tried everything teething gel, feed more milk +rice cereal and patting him sleep.

Both Hubby and I are full time working, this is really draining on our energy levels and quality life as a couple.

Help!!!!
 

chrislimsh

New Member
Just to let my feeling out here, I confided to my mum and she said she is tired and sick of listening to all my grumbling and complaints. I also knew that I am really 101% wrong to feel this way but I can't help it.

I have not lack of anything though financially I am also very stress but still managable, husband is okay, and with 2 lovely kids (son and daughter). But to be frank, I am not happy and regretted to have children. I can't deny that they are cute and bring joy and laughter to us at times, but the miserable moment is far more than happiness. They are so noisy and everyday fighting over everything. I had tried all means, be it scolding, caning, talking senses and both hard and soft approach doesn't work at all completely. (My son is 4 and girl is 2). I can't handle them and worse still in public, they just behave like "monkeys", lie down on the floor to protest, keep screaming and cannot stop. They are ok, not hyperactives as what doctor said, but why are they giving me a tough time. Whenever I see all these scenes, i really regret having kids.

Before married, I don't really like kids and I do not play with any be it my niece or other cute cute children. I do not know how to and I am not keen to learn at all. But after married, we thought the family will be complete with a children. By the time my son reach 1+, we thought to have a companion and when we aged and left, our childrens still have each other. But all the assumption we had made are wrong, my husband always told me children are like that, but to me, children should not behave like that.
I also tried my best to shower them with love, we also provide them a complete family model and do not have short of anything which we can afford all given to them, why they bring so much misery to my life. Everyday after work, i rush back home to really wanting to see them, but the moment they start the war and make all sort of noise again, i really can't stand it. Even when my maid told me to just rest in the room, the noise level simply unbearable. I had the thoughts of leaving the house, but where can i go? Even if i leave, the fact that these 2 kids belong to me can never change.

I really feel helpless, I do not know how to disclipline and coach them. Both soft and hard approach doesn't work at all for me. Everyday in my life is screaming, shouting, what else can i do? Am i going to live in this type of life forveer? I really can't take it anymore but what can i do? I have been complaining about my life being miserable to my family and they somehow got sick of it and refuse to lend a listening ear anymore.

Nobody understand and i knew that whatever i say, I can't do anything because this is the reality and fact that i have 2 kids. Driving me crazy and i really hate childrens. it have been 4 years and the regret in me still exist, why?
Hi,

I am new here and I was angry and shocked to see your posting. Although your posting is a year ago but I still see the need to reply you. Remember you choose to give birth to your children but they can't choose their parents.
Children are all born innocents. Whether they turn out to be good or bad, its the influence from the parents and the outside world that the adults expose them too. Childrens are angel and should only be given to parents who deserve them. I don't know what good deeds have you ever done in the past to deserve two healthy children. Don't victimise your self. If you feel miserable, your children feel 100 x worst. Don't only think of your self otherwise you don't fit to be a mother at all. Do take precaution and don't create anymore miserable child.
 

bubblylove

Member
Hey HeeHeesan, it's painful to read your post. I am now pregnant and I am so scared I will not be a good mother or regret being one. I have seen some US TV Show before where they train people how to control their kids to be a more efficient mom. Maybe you can do more research in this area and see where you can seek professional help in sg.

Altho your post has been already one year ago, I hope you are feeling better now. :)
 

bubbles1202

Member
Hi chrislimsh, there is not a need to be angry. I believe heeheesan just want to let out. She does not means she love her children any less just that she is very tired and sick of the routine and the noise her kids are creating. We are just human and we feel negative and tired and need to let out loh . I feel constantly negative too...being a 1st time mum with no support from both side parents, all is on our own. No maid too and me and hubby is working full time. No body to turn too. Over haul body and soul. I often complain and so sick of the routine till I feel like running away from home too. Even when I am sick I have to keep swallow panadol to ensure i have no pain so that i can carry on my routine as there is endless chores for me to be complete and my 28months old is constantly sticking to me! i cannot sleep even i want too unless she is napping. Over the time i just vent it on my hubby, take it on him whenever i feel so bottled up! Sigh like what she say i sometimes i wish i never had a child. But this is just a thoughts and i know its not real, its just an overwhelm feeling. Really hope we mothers stay strong! Hope things gets better for us when our children grow older. Jia YOU!
 

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