Husband with Porn Addiction

Hi all, I'm posting here because I really don't know who to talk to and some times are difficult to share with your friends. My husband has always been downloading and watching porn since he was a student. Like duh, all guys right? But I'm talking about multiple 1TB hard disk worth. I'm okay with that, and I'm okay that he masturbates to porn. But recently, I found out that he has created accounts without my knowledge on Instagram and telegram to follow sexy girls and downloading videos off telegram.

there is a point where it becomes too much you know. I'm okay if you were upfront about it but I cannot accept the sneakiness of creating an account, muting the group notifications, etc. The discovery of the Instagram account was 2 months ago and he said he just wanted to look at sexy girls. He apologised thereafter and now Telegram. I asked when it started and he said 2 months ago and that's after we had the fight about the sneaky Instagram account. Doesn't he learn his lesson?

Every time we fight, he cited work stress. He's hiding it from me because he's ashamed, etc. Maybe he had a problem, etc. I'm not putting any mental condition down but I'm tired of the same reasons after each right. I tried booking a psychologist for him but he didn't want to go after promising he would.

I know porn is not a big deal and he swears he didn't cheat. But it's the trust issue and I already had trust issues when he was in a flirtatious relationship with a girl from his uni clique last time. So I can't stop myself from searching his phone and I hate myself for it. Each time I want to forgive, what flashes in my mind is all the downloaded videos of girls giving blowjobs in the viewer's POV which disturbs me. He needs to fantasize other girls giving him blowjobs? What's next when it escalates? Actually going to visit those parlours?

I looked at his app history today and more closely at his apps. it's those where you can hide your real location and pin places? And those "truly" incognito browsers. what does this mean?

I'm so stressed right now. I want to forgive but I'm tried of these cycles and I can't forgot.

Please give me your views and if your partner is the same is it okay? Am I overthinking this?
 
He is really into deep porn addiction already. It's just like drug addict. He's into those later stage whereby its very difficult for him to kick away the habit, especially it was since young time. He need to go for counselling, or psycho which may help. If he's not willing to, there's nothing much you can do actually.

I know of cases that most porn addict are just into porn... Most just 'fantasized' on what it was shown in porn, and imagine/fantasy it. Some cases may use it to practice on partner (ie gf/wife etc). Eg certain position or even certain fantasy. Of course there are cases that one may seek outside to fulfill his fantasy though.

So you have to be ready for it... Try have a good talk with him, and ask him to go for counselling or what. If he doesn't want, maybe can try to tell him if he really want to change/promise, then make sure he keep his promise. If he doesn't, what will you/he do?
 
He is really into deep porn addiction already. It's just like drug addict. He's into those later stage whereby its very difficult for him to kick away the habit, especially it was since young time. He need to go for counselling, or psycho which may help. If he's not willing to, there's nothing much you can do actually.

I know of cases that most porn addict are just into porn... Most just 'fantasized' on what it was shown in porn, and imagine/fantasy it. Some cases may use it to practice on partner (ie gf/wife etc). Eg certain position or even certain fantasy. Of course there are cases that one may seek outside to fulfill his fantasy though.

So you have to be ready for it... Try have a good talk with him, and ask him to go for counselling or what. If he doesn't want, maybe can try to tell him if he really want to change/promise, then make sure he keep his promise. If he doesn't, what will you/he do?
Thank you for your reply. Appreciate knowing that I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill for this issue. He agreed to go see a psychologist but the last time I tried to book and asked for his suitable timing he just brushed it off. I'm trying again and hopes it goes well.
 
Hi all, I'm posting here because I really don't know who to talk to and some times are difficult to share with your friends. My husband has always been downloading and watching porn since he was a student. Like duh, all guys right? But I'm talking about multiple 1TB hard disk worth. I'm okay with that, and I'm okay that he masturbates to porn. But recently, I found out that he has created accounts without my knowledge on Instagram and telegram to follow sexy girls and downloading videos off telegram.

there is a point where it becomes too much you know. I'm okay if you were upfront about it but I cannot accept the sneakiness of creating an account, muting the group notifications, etc. The discovery of the Instagram account was 2 months ago and he said he just wanted to look at sexy girls. He apologised thereafter and now Telegram. I asked when it started and he said 2 months ago and that's after we had the fight about the sneaky Instagram account. Doesn't he learn his lesson?

Every time we fight, he cited work stress. He's hiding it from me because he's ashamed, etc. Maybe he had a problem, etc. I'm not putting any mental condition down but I'm tired of the same reasons after each right. I tried booking a psychologist for him but he didn't want to go after promising he would.

I know porn is not a big deal and he swears he didn't cheat. But it's the trust issue and I already had trust issues when he was in a flirtatious relationship with a girl from his uni clique last time. So I can't stop myself from searching his phone and I hate myself for it. Each time I want to forgive, what flashes in my mind is all the downloaded videos of girls giving blowjobs in the viewer's POV which disturbs me. He needs to fantasize other girls giving him blowjobs? What's next when it escalates? Actually going to visit those parlours?

I looked at his app history today and more closely at his apps. it's those where you can hide your real location and pin places? And those "truly" incognito browsers. what does this mean?

I'm so stressed right now. I want to forgive but I'm tried of these cycles and I can't forgot.

Please give me your views and if your partner is the same is it okay? Am I overthinking this?
How long have you been married? Any kids yet?

in my honest opinion, I think he’s addicted, is better to get professional help before the marriage fails
 

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