Husband visit prostitute and happy ending massage parlour

[SJ1104]

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[Drain]

You need to ask yourself if you really tend to forgive him, and he's willing to change and stop going there.
Fyi, some become addiction to prostitute. If he really did those in the past, probably he's one of the addictor as well.
I have a friend who's her ex hubby was addicted to prostitute/Health Centre 'Special' etc as well. When she found out, she decided to give him a chance when he admitted and said he will turn over a new leaf. However, he did not and still visiting behind her back. Eventually found out that he's addicted to such. They divorced thereafter.
Few years later (about 3-4 years), the husband have managed to 'kick' away this habit, and returned back to her. They are now 'bgf' again since then...

 

[margret]

Hi. I came across this forum while trying to find an output for my misery.

We are married for 14 years. In a relationship for total of 19 years.
Before I found out about what my husband did, I trusted him and have never doubt his feelings for me or think he will do anything bas outside. He goes to work and come home on time. He fetch me almost every day. Weekend he is at home with us. The only time he is alone he goes to his part time night school.

If you asked anyone that knows us, they will say we are the most loving couple and envy us. definitely a doting father also. our relationship and sex life is good. We frequently go holiday only 2 of us to get some time away from the kids.
He never stop me from checking his phone. However, I always wonder why does his eeb history is all cleared everytime i check. I suspected that he clear it before he comes home but I didnt dwell so muc
Of course, theres nothing for me to worry about. I though I am one of the lucky woman who loves and dote on me.

A year ago, I had been having dreams that he Was having relationship with other woman. And one night, i Came back home late and he was already asleep. Dont know why,i decided to check his phone. I found he was looking at girls from social escorts.
Found a text message that he tried to book appointments for B2B massage on the day that i was out with friends. Saw a list of escort or dirty forums (SBF, laksaboy etc) website on his notes.
He denied going and said he wanted to but decided not to.
we didnt talk for 2 days but i end up forgiving him. Of course month later, I checked his phone again.
this time round I found out that he really went from the place he parked his car. u know there is this app where u pay ur parking. Long story short, he admitted going and say it was only massage with masseuse wearing sexy.
After all the threatening and slow talk and questioning every single messages i can find with his friends. in about 8 months, he finally admitted.
he went for happy ending massages even in Jb when I am overseas, B2B massage and worst, visited prostitute. All this happen btwn 2016-2019,dont know if it started earlier. His reason was maybe he watch this website too much and make him tempted to go when his friend wants to go also. So no one asked him to go, he willingly volunteer to go to prostitute twice. He say myb its ego, he wants to proof that its not just say, he cann do it. WTF.
I even come across a website to find a **** buddy, and he created an account saying he is looking for one in year 2010. He said he was just doing this for fun to see if this is real.
I found out he has been watching porn even when i was pregnant back then.

of course I told him i wanted a divorce. Intially he dont want to let go but after few times he say if its best for me then we can go ahead. I am confused.
I am not sure even if we divorce I will feel better, i think i prob go into depression. But thinking about what he did just make me go nuts.
every single day i am thinking about the things he do. to think that a person like him can do such a thing, meaning all this while he is living pretentiously infront of me. He is actually cikopek who likes these sleezy acts from other woman. And now, I am so paranoid. Whenever I see a sexy woman, I will think what is he thinking when he sees these womans. I told him that i forgave and will forget everything. But the fact is I have not. i cannot stop thinking. Our relationship is now better, he treats me even better than before.
But I still cannot accept the fact and cannot stop thinking about what he did.
is this normal and it will fade away or its a sign that I no longer need him in my life. Or is it because im used to this life with him? I dont know what to do, I am crying every night thinking how he betray me.

whether he had stop or not you will never again to find out, as he is so clever in hiding from you.
it's just a very lucky break u manage to see the message.
anyway u say u leave him you will go into depression. but I see if you dont let go, you will go crazy.
move on. if u really love him, sit down and have a talk. lay down conditions that might him stop.
ask him to confess everything

 

[SJ1104]

Thank you for your advice. Its seems that he has stopped, he regret for what he did. He cried many times feeling remorseful over it. I even had him share his live location with me 24 hrs via find my iPhone so that i can track him. Its been a year already, but thats the thing i still hasnt forget. I still cannot forgive him yet altho we live like normal husband and wife now.

 

[BabyJJ16]

Sis, if you decide to give your hubby a chance, you need to learn to trust him too. Otherwise, your marriage won’t work. If you cannot forgive him, sadly you will leave one day. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of love so if you love him, you will forgive. Let him prove to you that he has changed to be clean. I feel everyone deserves a second chance, especially since you say he has been a good hubby n dad.

 

[Mongkok]

Thank you for your advice. Its seems that he has stopped, he regret for what he did. He cried many times feeling remorseful over it. I even had him share his live location with me 24 hrs via find my iPhone so that i can track him. Its been a year already, but thats the thing i still hasnt forget. I still cannot forgive him yet altho we live like normal husband and wife now.

it has only been a year since it happened. too short a period to forget. give yourself some time (we are talking about years..)

Don't be too ambitious and harsh on yourself. your reaction is normal and acceptable.

constantly remind yourself that you have done your best and given your marriage the last shot. it's up to him to complete his part of the puzzle.

as for yourself, please change. widen your horizon by engaging in more activities/hobbies and (try) make more friends. A diff environment will tide you through this tough period easier.

 

[poco]

Your children in Primary school?

Is so depressing , the trust of 19 years has been broken.
Now you should be in a confusing stage.
There were be a reason which you still want to continue with him eg. Children or ...etc.
even though he has hurt you deeply and has broken your trust.

You have to be strong and put your focus /priority elsewhere,eg. children, find a new hobby, a religion...etc.
And love yourself more.
It may take years to heal or never.

There will be a healing process- depression , confused, anger, acceptance and awaken.
When you reach awaken, it means you may still cry in the heart but without tear anymore.
And you will have a clearer picture of what you want in your marriage- to forgive and stay or to leave and let go.

 

[SJ1104]

Hi! Thank you for the advice. Yes I am feeling exactly what u describe. My eldest is in sec 1.
my youngest is 5 this yr and is in special school.
what was so depressing I found out that he started all these the year I was so depressed about my son’s diagnosis. I am still in confused state where i dont know if leaving him will be the best decision. I love him and hate him at the same time.

 

[QIANX2]

you hate him is because he betrayed you.
you loved him because both of you are together for too long.
honestly there is no way to monitor a person 24hrs, if he wan to do it. he will still ways n means to bypass your checks