Hi. I came across this forum while trying to find an output for my misery.
We are married for 14 years. In a relationship for total of 19 years.
Before I found out about what my husband did, I trusted him and have never doubt his feelings for me or think he will do anything bas outside. He goes to work and come home on time. He fetch me almost every day. Weekend he is at home with us. The only time he is alone he goes to his part time night school.
If you asked anyone that knows us, they will say we are the most loving couple and envy us. definitely a doting father also. our relationship and sex life is good. We frequently go holiday only 2 of us to get some time away from the kids.
He never stop me from checking his phone. However, I always wonder why does his eeb history is all cleared everytime i check. I suspected that he clear it before he comes home but I didnt dwell so muc
Of course, theres nothing for me to worry about. I though I am one of the lucky woman who loves and dote on me.
A year ago, I had been having dreams that he Was having relationship with other woman. And one night, i Came back home late and he was already asleep. Dont know why,i decided to check his phone. I found he was looking at girls from social escorts.
Found a text message that he tried to book appointments for B2B massage on the day that i was out with friends. Saw a list of escort or dirty forums (SBF, laksaboy etc) website on his notes.
He denied going and said he wanted to but decided not to.
we didnt talk for 2 days but i end up forgiving him. Of course month later, I checked his phone again.
this time round I found out that he really went from the place he parked his car. u know there is this app where u pay ur parking. Long story short, he admitted going and say it was only massage with masseuse wearing sexy.
After all the threatening and slow talk and questioning every single messages i can find with his friends. in about 8 months, he finally admitted.
he went for happy ending massages even in Jb when I am overseas, B2B massage and worst, visited prostitute. All this happen btwn 2016-2019,dont know if it started earlier. His reason was maybe he watch this website too much and make him tempted to go when his friend wants to go also. So no one asked him to go, he willingly volunteer to go to prostitute twice. He say myb its ego, he wants to proof that its not just say, he cann do it. WTF.
I even come across a website to find a **** buddy, and he created an account saying he is looking for one in year 2010. He said he was just doing this for fun to see if this is real.
I found out he has been watching porn even when i was pregnant back then.
of course I told him i wanted a divorce. Intially he dont want to let go but after few times he say if its best for me then we can go ahead. I am confused.
I am not sure even if we divorce I will feel better, i think i prob go into depression. But thinking about what he did just make me go nuts.
every single day i am thinking about the things he do. to think that a person like him can do such a thing, meaning all this while he is living pretentiously infront of me. He is actually cikopek who likes these sleezy acts from other woman. And now, I am so paranoid. Whenever I see a sexy woman, I will think what is he thinking when he sees these womans. I told him that i forgave and will forget everything. But the fact is I have not. i cannot stop thinking. Our relationship is now better, he treats me even better than before.
But I still cannot accept the fact and cannot stop thinking about what he did.
is this normal and it will fade away or its a sign that I no longer need him in my life. Or is it because im used to this life with him? I dont know what to do, I am crying every night thinking how he betray me.