Hubby cheated on me while I was pregnant.

joanne, "True love should not come in such difficult ways" ... funnily, my counsellor said the exact opposite. she said true love is very hard work, there are many obstacles.. because good things dont come easily.

i dont know if i will be happy in the long run. if he changes, if he really becomes better, i think i can be happier. plus i also think, what if i marry another man, this thing can happen again... now i "correct" my husband already, if he really learn his lesson, then i divorce him.. that means he will be true to his next wife, not me... so his next wife benefit, not me. why should i endure heartpain for nothing?

i dont know if what i say make sense.. but i have already decided to stay. he is trying veryvery hard, today he wake up early just to send me to work, and then yesterday he bring me out. he's trying to get my love again.

honestly i also dont know if he's the right one for me. but my mother always tell me, there's no such thing as "The One". you do your best with what God give you.

isabellali, what you mean by 'girl'? she not prostitute, but she entertain men when they sing or something like that... im not sure also, i dont really want to know what she do at her workplace, i very disgusted when i hear. stupid bitch ah she. my husband also stupid, why can go have sex with dirty girl like that?!

i dont know what's her real name, i only know her nickname at her workplace... keira... YUCKS i say her nickname already want to vomit or kill her. i dont know if i should show her face here.. i can easily steal her pictures off her online profile but sometimes i think i shouldn't make matters worse.. but at the same time i also want revenge. my counsellor keep telling me, "the best revenge is to be truly happy with your husband from now on" but sometimes i think that's not enough. sometimes i want to write her email tell her how stupid she is etc... but dont know if it will make matters worse or not... anyway my husband told me the slut's sister is gang member... wahlao why he get involved with stupid people like this ah???? if normal girl i can easily humiliate or scold or whatever... but gang member sister etc, i also dont know how to take revenge now...
 


Aiyo rainie,

Dun need revenge lah the best is to get your hubby back and let the matter rest. its very very diffcult to forget but try the frgive part 1st. When my husband was astray and i wanted to have sex with him also diffcult. but hey after a while it was good sex.

your hubby bring you out just enjoy and forget about other things just relax lah.

And stop beating him you can get jailed you know.
Not worth it for bastard like that.

Take care
 
yeah i know. my counsellor said i better learn to handle my anger. so now each time i have to think, if i cannot keep my promise NOT to beat him, how is he supposed to keep his promise to be faithful. sigh difficult to think of it that way, but no choice.

strangely with my husband it has always been good sex. so i dont know why he go to her last time...
 
Rainie
Girl is something like karaoke hostess.. Acc man sing all these.. Gang member?! *laugh my ass off* Nothing to be afraid of anyway... PM me her photo if you dun mind.. I'm just being KPO.. But if for any reason, you dun wish to.. It's alright with me.. Like I say, I'm just being Kpo.. I'm just wondering if she's someone I know~
 
Hi Rainie,

Will you wonder why you are so blind to marry him ? This is a question i ask myself...what have i done to deserve this kind of man as my hb....someone who cannot remain faithful to me and break the marriage vows...I even feel that I am stupid...but since what done cannot be undone & you have decide to stay on...give yourself times to slowly forgive and "forget" about the nightmare...

Yes, you must control your anger and emotion...i can still be very angry when I think of the "B"...but i know that if I keep allowing these thots to come into my mind...it will ruin my happiness...the best revenge towards the "B" is to remain happy with your hb...prove to her that she cannot ruin your life and happiness...dun ever give these "B" the chances...
 
hihi isabellali..
well it's ok..isit the way i talk?or the advice i give?
i tink that i have to be cheerfull cz onli this way i can cheer her up a lil..she have a bb to look aft rite..so must b a happy mummy mah..so will have happi bb..
as for the advice i find that wen u have a bb..going out shopping for their clothes/toys..etc is the most wonderful tink to do as a mum..cz u can picture how they will look/react..u noe..
i have not been in her shoes so all i can do/say is happi stuff..dont wanna see a mummy sad over such a guy!it's not worth it.

hihi rainie..sori if the post means sometink else hope u dont put it to heart..just hope that u noe u can get out of it fast as ur bb needs u..u noe my hubby havent go out work yet so i wont know how he will behave next time also..but i can say that u r very strong..u just need to be stronger for ur bb..as for that woman u r talking abt tk her as a *ghost*..u noe..now 7th mth..now just try not to ask abt anytink regarts to their r/s cz that will mk u feel even more "hot"..n that will reli strain ur r/s with hubby..just relax for a day..u noe..just u,hubby n bb..n if u feel like asking abt the woman..replace the topic to ur bb..like hey u noe bb knows how to babber,laugh,smile..etc..it will be better..i know it tis hard..try it for a day..then the next then the next n the day aft....n so on..cheers!!
 
Hi Rainie,

what the counselor advised me is not to discuss anymore with him and no point to know more the details..
it's true..the more we know the more is the pain...bcos we will imagine more..it will never ends

let the past behind us..and we start all over again..
the most important is he has chosen you over her!
we deserve of our happiness..

take care
 
hi rainie..
since u've decided to stay with him den stick to ur decision and try ur best to make it work out.. u only discover this thing recently..
give urself some time to let ur wound heal.. i think u'll be a strong person, like those mummies who have shared their experience with u in this thread..
they've gone thru a long way to reach the happy ending..
if they could do it, den nothing is impossible..
most imptly is that u and ur baby is happy rite now.. muz always rem that u live for urself n not for others.. cheers.. =)
 
isabellali, i am afraid actually. dont want to get beaten up. haha. if i admitted to hospital, who take care of my baby? plus i dont want my parents to blame my husband more.

dying heart, YES I WONDER!! the other day i met my ex-bf, and now he's so successful, so devoted to his wife.. and i think why i so stupid break up with him last time. should have married him instead. but what to do.. fate already, marry my husband. i try to think happy things but very difficult sometimes

baby, very true. now i try not to ask questions anymore.. but sometimes the questions become more and more worse if i dont ask. like last night i want to ask if he get hard when he see her, or only in hotel then get hard.. but i dont want to know the answer!! then i get very sad already. sigh.

popay, true, he chose me over her. finally he wake up and realise his mistake. last night he say now then he see that he has been veryvery unfair and irresponsible etc etc for the past 1 year. when he having affair he never think all that. but sometimes we dont know the facts, also we start imagine. that is what happens to me. yesterday he bring me go shopping after work. dont know why suddenly i imagnie them together in bed when we were walking happily together. after that i immediately pulled away and say lets go home. he dont know what to do when i suddenly like that also, he just ask how to make it better. i myself dont know how to make it better!!

karen, yes i really admire the ladies here who survived the affair and are happy now. i awnt to be like them, i look up to them. they are my role models now, honestly. because they give me hope that the husbands can change, and the marriage CAN be successful. but at the moment the pain is still raw. very difficult to cope sometimes.. very rollercoaster emotions.

ocean, thanks for your concern, i appreciate it alot. since last night when we went shopping, til this morning i feel very depressed. last night in the middle of the night i suddenly wake him up and say i want to have sex. then halfway through, i push him away and say dont touch me. i dont even know why i do that!!! suddenly i cannot bear to be touched!!! he was very confused and sad.

today i am meeting my counsellor. hopefully it will help. thankfully tonight my husband not working, because today is 3 weeks since i found out about the affair. and guess what, tomorrow is 28th aug. the last time they had sex together was 28th june. sigh. i keep obsessing over things like this... how to move on??? but i know i still love him =( sometimes i think its his weakness plus circumstances that push him to do it, plus the stupid bitch seducing him. but at the end of the day he's still very at fault. i dont know how to forgive him yet.

last night he ask me if i still want the marriage. i said yes. he said he's very scared i will leave him.. sigh.
 
hi rainie,

i believe u are trying, & ur husb is trying.

to really "move on" u muz just stop tinking abt it. if u have already tell urself that u are going to give ur husb a chance, than u have to remind urself that "u are giving him a chance" each time ur thoughts linger towards the unhappiness area, change ur thoughts to ur baby or something else, like what household chore/work have yet to be done.

do not continue to think abt what ur husb have done...

citing ur example, like u went shopping with ur huab and suddenly mood change cos u start to imagine things... then u should like just stop ur imagination.. and talk to ur husb abt the clothing / food nearby... yes, the thoughts will just come suddenly.. but u have to just stop it, and tink of something else..

don't allow urself to start tinking abt them / imagining things... that was how i forced myself out of e unhappiness stage...

since ur husb is starting to put in more effort. than u should do ur part by helping him.. dun tink abt the case anymore...

dont be unhappy anymore.
happy.gif
 
--> if u have already tell urself that u are going to give ur husb a chance, than u have to remind urself that "u are giving him a chance" each time ur thoughts linger towards the unhappiness area.

jessie, thanks for the advice, its really good.. i will try my best to do that
happy.gif
 
hihi..
jia you k..
dont tink too much..
just relax..
i noe it hard but u have the support here from all of us!!just come here n blarrrrrr it out!!then infront of hubby just pretent notink happens b4..i noe how u feel n y u keep wanting to know all those stuff..but u noe u alr know the ans to the qns so y ask wen u noe it hurts more..y not u n him just stay away for awhile?i mean like u go ur mum's plc..for ur mood to cool down lo..then he will pick u up for work go shopping or movie or work..but u sleep at ur mum's plc lo..then u can stop asking those qns n at the same time test his trust..then at night u guys can call each other up for chats..like going back to the dating stage..u noe..i feel that u need this cz i think that u need a break..
 
Dear Rainie_jane,

Hope you are getting better now.
You have been to worst, so now it's the recovering time. Always remembered like what Jessie said...keep it up!

I believed your husband is trying very hard, but each time your roller coaster emotion starts, I'm sorry to said that, but you actually push him away from you, push him away from your child, and push him away from your life. You should do other way.

I also believe, true love can be appreciate more when it is achieved in the harder way. Well, by saying this, I actually smiles...me and my hubby did not come together easily, very very hard for us to be together where both family was so strongly objecting our marriage. Though he had a hiccup during my pregancy, I have already forgive him, but of coz my memeory still not failing me yet, so that bad incident still there. But, I have forgiven him.
 
Rainie
Haha~ Ok than..
Dun think so much dear..
At least ur hubby still wants to get back to you, that shows that you mean something in his heart.
There's a old saying "Which cat don't eat fish?" My frenx hubby go out 'play', kena caught already still can scold and beat my frenx.. Compared to that basket, ur hubby is already quite ok le.. Dun think of the bad side..Always think of the good..Compare with those that in much worse situation than you. That'll make u realise that you're not alone and you're still better off than them..

Baby
Hmm... I find that you're very cheerful. Care to reveal ur age?? Coz u said that ur hubby is still studying, so u must be still quite young.. Actually I might be not much older than you. I'm 22 this yr.. But look like a old hag!!!! *Haha*
 
hihi..
isabellali..
well yap i m onli 21 this yr..whahaha!!!cant belive now mothers r geting younger n younger!!well i m not cheerful in person tho.i just find that a mum should b strong infront of their kids cz we r a big big shealter for them..they always look up to us ma..well cz i m a SHM i look like 29 liao!!there goes all my youth!so that's y wen i fight with my hubby i spend his money to mk myself happi..n mk myself look pretty lo..cz i m like that bcz of him n his son..(my son also)..so next time he dont want me i still have long Q behind...lol..(JK incase he see this)..well as for rainie's case i can onli cheer her up n if she is free we can meet up..at least can forget what happens mah..even tho for a short period of time also gd for her mood..so u noe..we r superwoman for our family!!whahaha!!
 
Baby
Lolx~ You're really a good role mother.. I'm not that strong... And I can't make myself pretty anymore.. After giving birth, I'm like double my size before.. SO sad~ No matter how I doll myself up, it just seems not right.. Haiz~ So demoralising~

Rainie
How's ur day today?? Dun think too much, we're all here to support you.. You have all our support~
 
Rainie

I hope u r feeling better now.. u said u r 26 this year rite.. so u still hv plenty of years ahead to help u forget this incident n will emerge out much stronger in time to come. When i told u my story, i actually halfway remembered what happened to me but everything became very hazy or blurred when i tried to recall the whole thing. It happened to me when i was 26 at that time, just like u. Now i m 30. 4years exactly but i moved on after forgave my hubby. But of cos, it was buried deep inside my heart -shd not be forgotten but God is so good to me, He helped me heal all the wounds. That is why i see it as a blessing in diguise to move on n live happily by God's grace. and I m so thankful to Him that watever i dunno, does not hurt me, this is better lah not to know too much. rainie, if u want to move on and live happily for yourself n your child, then dun ask too many questions n release yourself from misery. ok
 
i actually cried reading all your posts. i can really feel the support from you ladies and you all really inspire me because you are so happy and cheerful, despite whatever obstacles. i hope to be like that one day.

today i feel quite ok. this morning we still argument, because i keep thinkign today is the 2months 'anny' since the last time they had sex (28th june their last hotel meet) i was so depressed, since last night i keep finding arguments with him. this mornign he gave me a huge hug and said he's really sorry, he just wants things to be better for me, he really regrets. i went to work and talked to someone who helped a lot, and now i feel better.

hopefully tonight i'll be ok.

ocean, yes i also try to find solace in God. right now religion helping me alot. hopefully He can help me heal all wounds.. but right now i only ask for strength to go from day to day without crumbling. you really see what your hubby did as blessing in disguise?? that's veryvery strong of you. sometimes i think that way but most of the time i just feel very tired to think positively.

isabellali & baby, you both humour me! actually after i give birth also i put on so much weight.. but after this happen, in 2 weeks i lost 5kg already. now still got no appetite to eat or feel the need to sleep.. maybe can lose more weight liao. haha.

isabellali, actually i think my husband is good man. he just got lost along the way. compared to ur friend's hubby, yes i think my husband better. haha.

baby, i cannot ask him to stay separately.. because sometimes middle of the night i suddenly want to have sex with him!! i dont know why!!! *bangs head on wall* last time before i found out about the affair, it was not like this. but now suddenly i want him in middle of the night. haha. why my life so messed up??!

merz, how u find it in your heart to forgive him? i still dunno how to forgive my husband. sometimes i look at him, i feel pity, i feel love, but sometimes i also feel disgust or hatred. sigh.

yesterday i go for counselling, my counsellor said when she met my husband for counselling on monday, she could see that he was very remorseful, very sincere in wanting to rebuild the marriage.. and he's in pain because he can see my pain. then she say he's really in love with me and really love me, its veryvery visible to her, and he needs me now. she said now we both need each other to help each other up. that slut is not impt to the story at all. this morning also he told me he really regret everything, he wish all those nonsense never happen. i believe him. but i still scared if future got temptation.
 
Rainie for now, try to put this constant thought abt their last hotel sex out of your mind. Focus on rebuilding up your life n recovery. I do undstd now is the grieving time, so take your time but dun keep thinking abt the other woman. she has no business in your marriage now. You already got your hubby back.
 
found this quote on a marriage counselling website -

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."
 
ya thats why i know she got no business in my marriage. even my husband say she means nothing, in the past he was just blinded by dunnowhat also. but now he can see that she really meant nothing, thats why he never bring her go out etc. he said even when he had affair, i was still most impt to him. she was jsut an outlet to vent frustration and relax after hard days work. im so sad to hear he cannot relax with me isit.

im really trying hard.. my counsellor teach me so many imagery methods to get rid of the image.. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. sigh.

pray for me tonight will be ok ya? i really dont want to argue anymore... i hope i dont lose temper etc..
 
Well, how I forgive him? Let me recalled....Oh, the reason is very simple. Coz I really love him and I want my marriage and my family and dun want anyone else to come into my picture. So, if you aruge or fight with your hubby because you think of the matters, you are still bring that women to your life....so get rid of it fast.
happy.gif


FYI, I can still smile (company event)to the ladies he sms, they are still colleague as of now, but of course I don't talk to her! Strange, I actually pity her....
 
i went 2 steps forward last night and 5 million steps backwards today.

he say he has to work tonight, comign back tomorrow at 10am. i'm so upset now.. he say tomorrow is off day, we can go out. i know he has broken up with that slut, but im still scared if its ongoing and i dont know about it. im reallyreally confused right now i just want to cry in the office. so i sms him, nvm u can go f*ck that slut, i dont give a damn anymore. i really dont know what to do now. he say he will call from his workplace etc etc etc, but who knows if after he hang up, he go meet her also can right?

ARRGHH I HATE BEING IN MY SITUATION!!!!
 
now im thinking of somewhere to sleep over tonight with my baby. cannot go parents place.. plus my friends all dunno. i think i want to check in to hotel.. not budget hotel, dont want to drop to their standard. normal hotel..

his reaction totally disappointed me. he say i make things worse by stopping him from going to work. thts becausei dont believe he go work or not. so now i really want to go disappear. i dont want him anymore. my heart really pain.
 
raine, somehow.... i feel that ur hubby is really going to change for good. give him and urself one more chance. if u continue to have ' headwind' he will not be able to take it also.
 
no tonight he only working with one other guy for the night shift. i cant call that guy to ask if my husband working or not because i dont have his no. there's no other wayto check because his office is like restricted entry, so only those with pass can go in.

he say he will call from office phone whenever he not busy, but he can go out and say he busy at that time right or not?

mama G, i dunno.. im so scared. iwant to believe he's at work but i have been burnt so badly. i dont trust him anymore. last time he SWEAR TO GOD he not having affair, yet he was doing it. today also he SWEAR TO GOD he working. i really cannot trust him already. i dont know if he telling truth or not. im so scared, reallyreallyreallyreally. i cannot stop crying alrady, im so tired of everything.
 
rainie, give him and urself one last chance.
i guess he is not feeling good either. warn him hard that this is the last chance, and of cos don expect u to trust him 100% but just don get to paraniod, guys don like it.

i know its very tiring to live such a lifestyle.
I just had a big arguement with my hubbby last nite also, and i am feeling very down liao. He shouted me so loud in front of the kids that they got scared and cry so loudly.

take care and good luck
 
yes i give him chance. he promise he will be so nice to me, he will be patient. yet he can scold me just now say im making things worse. did he make things good by having an affair??

i dont care what he likes or dont like.. i always tell him the thing i detest most is guys having affair, yet he do. i dont want to have to take care of his feelings now. why cant he take care of my feelings? i really am very sad now, i just want to escape somewhere. now im thinking i want to ask for separation.. ask him go back his parents house or something til whenever. i really cannot do anything now... im so confused. i dont know why my marriage get until like this... i really hate him soemtimes. why is he like that? why people can get good husbands, but i get stupid lousy one like this??? my heart really breaks and he dont even care to sayangsayang me, just say i dont understand he got to work etc. i hate his work, and i hate him also. i wish i never met him at all.
 
now he say he will quit his job. immediate 24hr notice. i dont know if it'll help or it will make matters worse.. we have savings, but what if he dont get a job for long time? but its like he has to choose between his job or my sanity... because i really go crazy if he got to work night like this...

sigh. i dont know what to do now.. just voicing out my thoughts here because if not i go crazy, got no outlet to vent..
 
rainie, i don't know if u r lying to urself or trying to convince urself in some ways. i don't know if ur marriage is really improving or not.

but i do know that u're trying to make this marriage work the best way u know how, so i applaud u for that.

i just hope ur husband will be patient n stay with you thru this. hope the both of you can heal soon... take care, rainie dear.
 
Hi rainie,

I hv been reading yr postings, I can understand how you feel. Right now, yr wound is really deep and raw. It's hard for you to forgive him now, even if you do, you'll still think abt what he has done and you will feel sad.

What I can suggest to you is time out for the both of you. Get yr husband to stay at his parents' place for a month, as you still need time to get over what he has done to you.

You really need time for yrself and think abt what you want to do. Yr husband could be stressed out at work, so his mood is not good either.

Live for yrself, think about what you want to do for yrself and yr baby. Leave yr husband out of the picture for the time being. Focus on yrself and yr baby. Hope this helps.
 
hihi..
hey hey hey..
well u r stressing him out u noe..well i think it's normal for u to do that cz u noe who ask him to have affair..BUT work is work ya..if not ask him 3G u lo..u noe..show wer he is every 1/2hr lo..that will set u at ease rite?i know it hard to forgive n forget that's y suggested for u to sleep other plc..as for *** hmm..u just forget it for the time being..i think u want it cz u thought that u hubby want the ***** for that..but it's not true..he wants her to vent his anger/release his stress..u noe i havent had *** with my hubby from the day i n preggi..hee..veri bad of me??hee..cz i no mood for it..i dono y..just no mood..but i sit down to explain to him abt it..so u have to sit dwn with ur hubby to explain y u r behaving like that n u need some asurance from him..if not i m telling u..it's not gonna work it out if this goes on..alrite..if u feel **** up can call ur friend or any1 just f that person....(he/she must b ur veri veri gd friend hor!!)instead of f***ing ur hubby lo..n i never hear u mention abt ur bb b4 le..wer is ur bb?sleepin wer?what is his/her name?or u want can call me..at 81189666..cz we never see each other b4..so mayb u can talk abt tinks u dont wish ur close friends/relatives to know..just offering my "services"...so u casn feel better n have a gd marriage!!!cheers!!!
 
baby you are a reallyreallyreally nice person, do you know that?? i feel so touched that u actually leave your no behind so i can call you to vent. maybe i'll sms u when i feel like screaming at him. honestly none of my friends know about this, i dont want them to judge him. my family think that i shouldn't leave him, so i cannot be sad anymore. very traditional thinking. yesterday he offer to do 3G all but i very angry, i tell him no need. i scream and shout at him nonstop. til he offer to quit his job. aiyah dont know lah, he say monday he will give resignation letter, but i dont know if its a good move or not. i very confused liao.

i'll contact u when i want to scream at him ok. hehe. thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!!!

kitty, my husband is improving but when he go work at night or never answer phone, i really go crazy agian. i really cannot take it. i dont know how to cope
sad.gif


pingping, i dont want him to stay at his parents house. i think he should spend time with our baby, and show to me that he can be good husband & father. thanks for the advice though. im focusing on myself though, i go meet my friends and talk nonsense with them (because no friends know about this)

thank you for your replies.. i really appreciate.
 
Hi raine,

The reason why I suggest that both of you separate for a while, is cos as long you see him at home and will start thinking about the affair, and why he did this to you. Right now , you hv a lot of pent up frustrations so whatever he do, that will rake up the frustration in you, you will start to explode and vent it out on him.

No matter how nice he treats you, you will still hv doubts about him. If you want the marriage, then you can't keep on scolding him cos if u keep pushing him to a corner, one day he'll suffocate and he may want out. At that time, it'll be difficult to salvage the marriage.

If you want yr hubby to spend time with your baby, maybe you can go out with your friends on weekends and leave yr baby with him. That is also time out for you, and he can learn to take care of yr baby. Btw, how old is yr baby?

Another thing is don't let yr hubby resign from his job, get him to find another job before he resign. If he does that, that could be more stress in yr family. I don't think you want that, when we are depressed, we don't think rationally. Trust me, I hv been there.

My relationship with my husband is not that great either, I learnt the hard way. Till now communication is not gd, but we talked about our kids. My hubby didn't cheat on me, but our communication is nearly zero after my 2nd son is born, we hv not had *** since I was pregnant with my son last yr. Not in the mood at all, cos kind of give up on the marriage. I stay in the marriage for the kids, and I'm a SAHM so I depend on i'm financially.

I hv learnt that marriage life esp after kids, is not that great. It changes a lot, and most of the time it's the husbands who can't adapt, n problems start to surface. I'm still learning to cope with it.
 
hey raine,
thanks for the compliment..but i m veri nasty to my hubby wan le..whahaha..i always fight over MIL n BIL prob cz they over caring for my bb liao..i have alot of prob last time n what i do is go shopping n vent the anger on my hubby n he just accecpt it cz aft that i will act ke lian n explain to him y i like that n how to solve the prob..now it isnt getting any better also la..but my MIl very gd de..just that over caring can mk me piss off..veri sieao rite me..haa..so every1 in this forum have their prob at home too..but wen we can help eachother to b happy..y not??as u noe..women still understand women best rite..there is so many lesbian otside now..y?cz man sux to them..n mayb they havent meet the rite guy for them yet..*i dont mean i m a lesbian..just that i have alot of lesbian friends*..hee..just cheer up u noe..job r hard to find now adays u noe..i agree with PINGPING..life aft marriage change like 10%..then with kids change 110%..see the diff..so what i can do is talk nonsense with u..i can chat with u 24/7 as long as it mks u feel better..i m not trying to be hero..just that i noe how u feels..cz i used to be soooo alone at a time..no friends/raletive can understands the pain i go thro..i have to wear a mask with them..but wen i m alone i tk off that mask n cry myself to sleep/i will club till i high n go home sleep..i been doing that for like 2yrs..till i met my hubby that wake me up..so..hubby is a veri impt person in our life..*not those that relli sux*..he have a veri impt role too..so if u tink he is worth it..try harder..if he is not..let him go..jia you k..waiting for your call..hee..cheers!
 
saw this pome just now..it's a gd one..just to share..

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Jim died today.'
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might
Be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
 
Hi ... After reading the posts, I ve this to say...“好聚好散，胜过两败俱伤“
If you really cant forgive.... then dont torture yourself and the pp around you.
Human are really complex in their thoughts and feelings esp when they are faced with hurt & betrayal.
For those gg or r already married n can read chinese, i would recommend 2 books.
<如果你不是超人，请不要结婚〉《立志做个坏nyu人》 It really open up my mind during my 1st marriage. Hopefully i m able to handle watever may cme by with this 2nd chance i have in life. currently, i m still happy.
 
Hi baby,

I'm nasty to my hubby when I'm angry, there was a period of time when I was very depressed esp during my first pregnancy. I needed care and concern but my hubby was never there for me. He's like a block of wood, insensitive to my emotions. I'm a very emotional person, so I had a lot of mood swings. Actually after reading the forum, I realised women are emotional creatures but men can learn to care for us in our way. They are just too lazy esp after they married us.

No wonder Marriage is the graveyard of Love. 100% correct. Sometimes I regret getting married, I feel better off alone. If the husband is not willing to change for his wife, and he keep saying I love you. To me, it's as good as lying.

Actually I'm depressed from the birth of my daugther to the birth of my son, about 3 yrs. I just don't understand my husband why he can't give me the concern I needed esp when I'm not in gd health. Now I'm venting out my frustrations, from the time we had our customery marriage in 2004 till now, I'm not very happy.

We had a lousy customery marriage, thanks to his parents. My husband is not a firm person, so afraid to go against his parents which i find him weak. Yet I still go along with him(at that time gong gong, not so smart to hv things my way), what I'm angry is he's footing the bill and hv to listen to his parents, ridiculous. His parents invited too many pple and there were not enough seats, so my hubby was stressd(it was already settled by his sister, still stressed) and didn't pay attention to me on our wedding day. Imagine yr wedding day is so unmemorable, I still feel short changed.

I really feel my husb don't respecr me , during our house renovation(that's before the customery).He put down my suggestions, thinking his is the best. Worst the designer always says his idea is good which I think otherwise, but I was stupid not to be firm with him. Sometimes I think back, if I was firm, probably I would not hv suffered so much.

That's why I hv things my way now(I think I was blinded by love at that time), I don't care about his parents esp his mum. She has to interfere in everything esp in in how I raise my kids. My MIL is not a great person, she thought I'm a weak person(she think she can control me, no way). During my confinem
 
hihi ping..
well guys r always like that..my hubby was having his exams during the time i gave birth..lol..n then i get to see him veri little wen i needed him the most..then wen i was discharge he was not der i m ok cz exams mah..then i wanna carry my bb..u noe excited mum mah..i had c-section but i die die wanna carry..but then wen i sit in my FIL car then the nurse wanna pass to me le..then my MIL ask CL to carry..then the nurse gave the CL n she sit FRONT SIT!!!!w/o sit belt on?!WTF..then drive half way my MIL ask CL to pass the BB to her n she in the back sit le..u noe..i nearly wanna go SIEAO!!!!then aft that i got alot of not happy things..nothink seems to be in the right place for me..i just call my hubby n cry n cry..for 2weeks aft i give birth..i keep crying..my hubby was still in the mist of exams..but he will come home to pei me..n we just talk tinks out..i think mayb u wanna talk tinks out with him?cz guys r not like gals..that dont like to guess n r kinna slow to catch our ball..u noe..n regs to ur depression..u need some1to talk to abt it..like a family doc?or close friends?i always talk to my best friends abt this n then aft that i will try to forget abt it as my hubby will be like a sandwhich like that..kana squash..hahaha..then he will talk to me on his feeling too..hee..try it out..
 
Hi baby,

Did tried talking before, the problem is he never thought there is a problem. I talked to him about it, he'll say he understand but he still goes back to his old ways. That is what makes me frustrating.

Now I can't be bothered whether he talks to me, I'll initiate conversation with him about the kids, but he'll be playing his psp and pretend to listen to me. He'll never give me 100% attention when I'm talking to him., he's damn lazy, can't be bothered to make the marriage better.

Told him so many times until I'm so tired of it, so I'll buy things for myself and my kids. I'll use his credit card, don't want to be considerate anymore(i used to pay him back when I use the supp card, when I was still working even now I still do). Now I'll not pay him back, and I treat him the same way he treated me. Not listening to him when he's talking to me, and he'll say why are you not listening to me( he did the same to me). So i'll let him hv a taste of his own medicine, now I'm in bo chap mode cos even I'm angry, he'll still do the same to me.

That's why I feel women can't be too submissive, men will take us for granted definitely(only minority will treat their wife with respect and lots of love, very hard to find). That's why I wanted to teach my son to treat women with respect in future. I feel it has to do with upbringing, my husband don't hv to lift a finger to do housework and his mum really spoilt him. I find him selfish sometimes, cos he never thought about how I felt. I cried a lot during my 2 pregnancies and I feel so alone(i feel alone and cried too when I was in my teens but I never thought that I had depression at that time, there was no one to talk to so I keep to myself.) When I met my husband, I was happier but I didn't know it was short lived otherwise I wouldn't hv married. Little did I know that he could not give me the emotional support that I needed, I would hv broken up with him before getting married.

I also hv my emotional issues to deal with, so I'm thinking whether to see a psychiatrist or not.
 
hihi..well ping ping..
u must b happi that at least ur hubby pull u out of the oit hole u r in ur teens..then he show u the light..that's y u married him rite..even for rainie case her hubby is trying to show her the light but fail to do so cz its her hubby who push her in it..so that's y i would recommend rainie to forcuse on her bb as that will bring her to light again..so i would also like to say the same tinks to u too..forcuse on ur bb..u got 2 kids to look aft..aint they naughty?!aint they cute?!ur hubby should be jelouse of u that he miss out so much on the kids..rite..just spend his money on kids..u noe..that's a stress reliver..hee..sometimes wen i talk with my hubby i mk sure he is 100% listening..i will stop if he is not n give him a look..cz usualli i talk to him during bed time..so u noe..he will snore wen i talk half way!!!i kicvk him n mk him listen again..hee..u try n see how.. n it better to see a doc if u cant tk it..n mk ur time full to advoid tinking too much,,
 
Hi baby,

Thanks for yr advice. Now I don't think of leaving the marriage like I used to, I focused on myself n the kids cos I can see my daughter is very happy when we go out as a family. I'll give myself and my husband more time to adjust, and I'll try not to hv so high expectations of him but I did managed to train him to help out in the hsework.

Lately I'm not so angry n depressed like before, maybe kai qiao. Actually it started when I enrol my daughter to playgroup this july, I realised I was too focused on my unhappiness that I neglected my daughter's education. I hv to start planning which school to enrol them in, and there's a lot of things to do for them.

As for my husband, I don't feel so much for him. When he tries to be intimate with me, I'll push him away cos I feel awkward. I prefer to go out as a family than with him alone. I told him I don't feel for him(we sleep separately since the birth of my son n I'm used to it, but I can stay in the marriage for the kids. I guess I hv accepted my fate, the more I tried to go against it, the more unhappy I become. I'll just see for the next few yrs whether our relationship can improve, but I can't hv a close relationship with my husb now cos I'm too hurt emotionally(it's like wearing an armour to protect myself from being hurt emotionally). Religion is very impt to me as it strengthens me, and I want be strong n positive for myself and my kids.
 
Ping ping
ur hubby and mine can be brothers.. My hubby will also pretend to listen to me but face his PSP everytime I talk to gim.. So what I do??? There was once i was so pissed off that I threw his PSP on the floor... It broke and spoil the mother board... It cant even be repaired.. That night he went to buy another PSP. But this time when I wanna talk to him, all I have to say is 'can u listen to me?', he will automatic off his PSP and listen to me...

Baby
My hubby was still in NS when I gave birth to my first baby... I was the same as u. I cried everyday. He was never there when i need him the most... Even until now... But after so many quarrels and so many close encounter with divorce, and the help of my relatives(they're always there to advice us), we learn to give in to each other.. Our relationship is better now...

Once read from somewhere that honeymoon period differs between woman and man. Men's honeymoon period is only about a month while women's can last up to 6 months..

Bottomline
In marriage, never expect too much...
Life would be better without much expectation...
 
rainie
Sit down, relax and think carefully..
All actions come from thoughts...
Think properly
Then tell yourself firmly what u should do...
By screaming and shouting at him, you are actually only making matter worse..
But I'm not telling u to be submissive to him...
Try to forget everything...
Dun mention a word about the affair again...
Knowing that you're so magnanimous, he'll love u even more in the future and will always think of you before he do anything stupid again...
 
Hi Rainie

Speaking from my past experience (ex bf not my hb), I can truly understand that a betrayal is really very painful especially when u close your eyes, u can imagine what the both of them are up to.
For my case, I was with my ex for 5yrs and we were planning for marriage with the date set and the dress brought hanging in my wardrobe. It was a normal day and he suddenly called and say he wanted to break off coz he had someone else. My world just crushed down and I could never forget the day when I kneel at the middle of the road crying.
Since then, I could never see him again, I just collected my stuff with the help of his sister in law and left his house. It's very painful but I couldn't accept or even see his face again. Time will heal all wound. Of course, married with a child now is totally different and the wound is even deeper.
Nobody want their child to go without a dad but being in a bad marriage is even worse for a child.
Maybe you want to give yourself some time to think about it? If you really can't accept this affair, u might like to give both of you some time off, let's say 1 or 2 weeks to think about it.
If you want to maintain this marriage, promise yourself to bury this bad memory and never ever mention it anymore, yes even forever. You will never ever be happy if you brood over it and quarrel it everyday, this bad memory will haunt you forever.
The message that I want to get across is, if you cant take it, leave him. If you want to give him a chance, bury the hatch.
 
Hi Rainie,

I can understand why you are having all those outburst...I am also like you a few mths ago...my hb also have wkend &amp; night job...whenever, he told me abt having to work...I am very paranoid...my mind will run wild &amp; I will check on his stuff...I make myself very very miserable...sometimes, i will question him &amp; cry...all these go on for sometimes...I think he is always very stress &amp; frustrated when I doubt him...

My scenerio is worst cos my hb dun even want to be intimate with me...by him reacting in this way, my recovery is even tougher...i cry many many times in the middle of the night &amp; i keep asking myself this question...why he can be intimate with the "B" so easily but not with me?...how long do I want to live with this kind of unhealthy "S" less marriage? at least, when u want it...ur hb will do it with u...u r very fortunate...for me, i hv to try to initiate it &amp; like begging for "S"...

You know we can never change and control a person if they want to stray...same apply if they want to come back...they will prove to you tat they are telling the truth and slowly gain back your trust...

Dun let the woman hunt u &amp; destroy your marriage...I am not going to give tat B the chance to come btw us...I am still working hard in my marriage...I can do it &amp; so can you...Hugz
 


dying heart, yes i also still like that. i will question him and then cry or just walk off to cool down.

my hubby want to be intimate.. but i feel very.. confused or dunno what liao.. why he want sex so much? miss that slut isit? or because he really want to make me happy and make us feel the love again? even worse sometimes during sex i suddenly picture them both. i want to cry like that. sigh.

i know i can do this, be like you. i wont let that woman come between us. she put on her friendster that she very sad and really missing him and put sad songs all.. what the hell. she can go die ah. i really hate her so much.
 
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