I’m just wondering how much sex is normal. I have been with my partner for 12 years, no kids, these days we only have sex a few times a year. We used to do it at least once a week but ever since his affair a few years ago this has drastically changed things in the bedroom. I believe he is faithful now (learnt a good lesson after being threatened by that girl which put him in a lot of stress), he’s always around and we cuddle a lot but it has just changed our sex life
I’m just wondering how much sex is normal. I have been with my partner for 12 years, no kids, these days we only have sex a few times a year. This has drastically declined from at least once a week in the early years of us being together.
Tend to agree with your observation. How to create excitement after having kids? Seems really challenging. The frequency really drops a lot with kids around esp if they sleep in the same room.Mainly it's boredom that is affecting the frequency.
like you flip the same book for (say) 100th time. the book is always at the same place same time. on 101th time, you don't even wan to touch the book anymore. long long time flipped once, is jus an act to tell the book that it's still has a reader. the content of the book is nvr change.
yes, stress and medical issue do affect frequency. one of the way is to inject excitement. excitement is being unpredictable and interesting.
Many ppl safely accept the 'market' frequency and end up surprised to learn the hub has so much libido w another woman.
How do you manage your needs/desires? After having 2 kids (2 yrs old and 6 months) , the intimacy is also zero now. I have a higher sex drive than my husband, and he always rejects my requests with many excuses. Then again when trying for kids having sex was not fun at all. But to me, having sex means intimacy or rather it should mean that the partners are attracted to one another and this attraction should be important to maintain a marriage? I am not happy now and have voiced it, but if he doesn’t really feel like it mentioning stress at work, no mood, what else can I do. Wonder if I’m expecting too much of my partner, especially since it seems really ultra low sex frequency like once or twice a year can be pretty normal.There is no magic number about how frequent it has to be. Most numbers you may come across are past data. It is not a number to follow because it will differ from one another. If both of you have been doing it frequently but a change was noticed, you might want to ask your partner and never assume why because our brains are good for deceiving us in many ways; hearing it is the best. I would also like to advice that being intimate is not about thinking too much about what he or she feels or want. Being intimate consists of not only the brain but how the body feels and respond to sensations and emotions that aren't easy to describe or reason or justify. Go with the flow and stop thinking too much during the session. Thinking too much is like an anticlimax going on in the brain because likely, you don't get what you expect.
For my case, I have a high sex drive and my wife is not. After conceiving 1, our intimacy is zero.
How do you manage your needs/desires? After having 2 kids (2 yrs old and 6 months) , the intimacy is also zero now. I have a higher sex drive than my husband, and he always rejects my requests with many excuses. Then again when trying for kids having sex was not fun at all. But to me, having sex means intimacy or rather it should mean that the partners are attracted to one another and this attraction should be important to maintain a marriage? I am not happy now and have voiced it, but if he doesn’t really feel like it mentioning stress at work, no mood, what else can I do. Wonder if I’m expecting too much of my partner, especially since it seems really ultra low sex frequency like once or twice a year can be pretty normal.
How I wish my wife was like you, have high sex drive! LolHow do you manage your needs/desires? After having 2 kids (2 yrs old and 6 months) , the intimacy is also zero now. I have a higher sex drive than my husband, and he always rejects my requests with many excuses. Then again when trying for kids having sex was not fun at all. But to me, having sex means intimacy or rather it should mean that the partners are attracted to one another and this attraction should be important to maintain a marriage? I am not happy now and have voiced it, but if he doesn’t really feel like it mentioning stress at work, no mood, what else can I do. Wonder if I’m expecting too much of my partner, especially since it seems really ultra low sex frequency like once or twice a year can be pretty normal.
I know what you mean by BMI 20. Kudos to you for keeping a good shape! What you mean is, "I'm in good shape (maybe you did it for him) but why is he not showing interest in me?" If this is really true, it may mean physical attributes are just temporary to him and maybe, maybe he values other attributes.We are in late thirties. I have asked for sex once in a while but he’s doesn’t feel like all the time and if he does, I get the vibe from him that he feels like it’s a chore but I could be wrong. He cites stress, worries and work as the main reason why he has no mood but its been too long. Also to be honest, it’s hard to get the mood at home now with kids.
He’s is very protective of me and treats me alright but I feel that he is not attracted to me sexually so our physical touch is quite little. I’m pleasant looking, bmi 20. I don’t want to force him to do anything especially regarding this. Just feel very sad about this situation and wonder who is in the same boat and what to do to reverse this
Hi Ying Ying, wow, I'm happy to hear such a story. I'm curious to know if you are the "driver" or can be either you or hubby"For me, we still have an active sex, we make a point to make time for it weekly although we have children.
We will send our children to my mom's house for the pre set sex day so we do not have any distraction.
Whatsapp sex videos to my hubby and tell him how I eager to...... lol
I will keep buying new different sexy lingerine to stir him, play sentimental songs, build up the moment.
And when he starts to high, I will pull back, kissed, and then suddenly pull back and He will want more.
Just like how we play kite, pull and let go till it goes very high.
Normal days, at times I will go out with my colleagues, friends, and don't respond to my hubby's call or
messages. Making myself unavailable for him.
So during the sex day, he will thirst for my attention and sex when I am fully available for hubby.
Remember, when you are always available, then you will not be cherished.
Mummies who stays condo, how often do you go swim? Why? Cause the swimming pool is always available
and you take it for granted.
I go gym twice a week to keep my body in shape. Manage my diet.
These is how I maintained my hubby's interest in having sex with me. Works well and we enjoyed our sex life.
Ya, there is effort put in and I will, cause I want my hubby stay interest with me and not other woman outside.
Hope my sharing does give a little help.![]()
really wonder how u can do so much. with kids, job n house chores, where got mood n time to do all those u did? lol. maybe u r tai tai hahaFor me, we still have an active sex, we make a point to make time for it weekly although we have children.
We will send our children to my mom's house for the pre set sex day so we do not have any distraction.
Whatsapp sex videos to my hubby and tell him how I eager to...... lol
I will keep buying new different sexy lingerine to stir him, play sentimental songs, build up the moment.
And when he starts to high, I will pull back, kissed, and then suddenly pull back and He will want more.
Just like how we play kite, pull and let go till it goes very high.
Normal days, at times I will go out with my colleagues, friends, and don't respond to my hubby's call or
messages. Making myself unavailable for him.
So during the sex day, he will thirst for my attention and sex when I am fully available for hubby.
Remember, when you are always available, then you will not be cherished.
Mummies who stays condo, how often do you go swim? Why? Cause the swimming pool is always available
and you take it for granted.
I go gym twice a week to keep my body in shape. Manage my diet.
These is how I maintained my hubby's interest in having sex with me. Works well and we enjoyed our sex life.
Ya, there is effort put in and I will, cause I want my hubby stay interest with me and not other woman outside.
Hope my sharing does give a little help.![]()
Hi, I am married 22 years. We are in our earlier 50s. We do the deed once a week. It should be on the high side and no, we both do not have strong libidos.
I realized this was a problem after our last child. The frequency declined to a stage of non existence. Sex is important because it binds a couple emotionally. Without it, we were just like room mates.
I had a long talk with my wife about it. After a tiring day at work and busying with our kids all the time, leaving sex to chance and mood is like waiting for a shooting star. Its never going to happen. There has to be a purposeful action plan.
We made an effort to go out on Friday nights to date. After our date, we will end up in bed doing it (and sometimes outdoors). Planned sex is far less romantic. At least, we get to connect. It brought us closer as a couple.
As a guy, I agree with what someone wrote earlier. After reading the same page of a book for the 1,000th time it does get boring. Libido is too random a nature to depend on. A man needs to be attracted by what he sees. Women need to understand this. We men cannot auto switch on arousal, or interest, on our own after being with the same woman for 20 years.
I spice up the dates by asking her to go out without a bra. That keeps me interested. Pokies. Light exhibitionism. It got boring after a while. Then I chose for her clothes that got thinner.
We kept this routine weekly and religiously. She is sometimes reluctant to wear sexy. We still have on going conversations on this. It is never an easy topic. But it has helped us survived 22 years of marriage and to stay close, as lovers and parents. The ends justify the means.
Hope this sharing can help someone =)
Hi Ying Ying, wow, I'm happy to hear such a story. I'm curious to know if you are the "driver" or can be either you or hubby"
really wonder how u can do so much. with kids, job n house chores, where got mood n time to do all those u did? lol. maybe u r tai tai haha
This explains why you and your hubby had 二人世界 to do the deed. I think this is when the heavy responsibilities have dwindled down for you guys to experience the couple times again.Hi Zen Zen,
I wished I am a tai tai. Haha
It can be very tiring really. Like what u mentioned, work, kids, chores etc.
I now delegate some chores out to part-time maid. Kids at times stay at my mom's house for 2 to 3 days/week. I guess we do need the whole village to raise a family.
Hi,not sure if I should post here. I am 40 plus and had an ovarian cancer almost 2 years ago. After hysterectomy, I have been feeling very fatigue and low energy compared to before as I am having menopause straight after my woman's organs were removed. My hubby understands but can't help feeling depressed that I can't fulfil his sexual desires (we are not very sexually active even before my cancer). I felt depressed too that I can't meet his expectation but I really don't have the same amount of desire like he does. The last time we had it is like 2 months ago. Because of this issue I felt he doesn't care what I am going through. And he is also not satisfied with it. What can I do? I felt sad and thinking if this is going to be the end of our marriage.
Yeah, before all these things were even pleasant, because I tried for the family. Now it has become just an ordinary part of my life, which over and over again takes all my strength. So we have intimacy with my husband happens no more than once a week, or even less often. I really want to fix this, so we definitely need helpreally wonder how u can do so much. with kids, job n house chores, where got mood n time to do all those u did? lol. maybe u r tai tai haha
Totally agree with the statement made!Most women never understand or don't care at all. Once have kids, kids become number one. Husband throw one side don't care until kids become adults.
That's why so many couples divorce after kids become adult.
A good mother does not equal to a good wife
Hi MilkyChoco. Is it because you didn't enjoy it? I understand what you meant when a "cutting" remark is made. For my experience, when my wife made such remarks (you think I'm a P* actress), my manhood suddenly shrinks and my mood changes.My ex hubby and I used to have it twice a week...I do understand his needs and try to give it to him whenever I can even though I am tired at times but he will make cutting remarks like me being a dead fish or why am I so static in bed.
For his sake,I gave it to him even though I guessed that he was having an affair outside and thought that it was my fault for everything.Hi MilkyChoco. Is it because you didn't enjoy it? I understand what you meant when a "cutting" remark is made. For my experience, when my wife made such remarks (you think I'm a P* actress), my manhood suddenly shrinks and my mood changes.
Thanks MilkyChoco for sharing. You are very generous.For his sake,I gave it to him even though I guessed that he was having an affair outside and thought that it was my fault for everything.
If you asked me....I did enjoy it but could not give 100% to it.
You are welcome....I already tried my best in my marriage but did not work out cos he really had an affair outside.Thanks MilkyChoco for sharing. You are very generous.
What are u gg to it w it? Allowing him to continue w the affair and enduring it??You are welcome....I already tried my best in my marriage but did not work out cos he really had an affair outside.
When I first discovered it,I was like stunned and still reeling from the knowledge of it.What are u gg to it w it? Allowing him to continue w the affair and enduring it??
What’s ur plan?? U need to think of ur own well beingWhen I first discovered it,I was like stunned and still reeling from the knowledge of it.
I need to cut this marriage off ASAP.What’s ur plan?? U need to think of ur own well being
I understand how you feel. Perhaps the inside feeling of trying to salvage the marriage...For his sake,I gave it to him even though I guessed that he was having an affair outside and thought that it was my fault for everything.
If you asked me....I did enjoy it but could not give 100% to it.
I need to cut this marriage off ASAP.
I believe you had already put in 100% for your ex hubby....If he does not reciprocate,then so be it.I understand how you feel. Perhaps the inside feeling of trying to salvage the marriage...
When I found out my ex hubby was having an affair, I too felt probably is part of my fault. That I did not appear 'sexy' enough for him. I went to buy some expensive lingerie, and wear it one of the night, when the kids was away at my parent's place. I dance for him, and made him turn on, so can enjoy some good moment together. However, his comment was like 'Why you wear till so 'hiao'... This doesn't look nice on you..." My heart was so aching...
You mean you still in the marriage? For me, during the last incident (as above), I know that his heart is no longer with me. Hence since then, we have divorced....
Like what most advice, just end it. Maybe you have some baggage in the marriage that is not so direct to end it.I need to cut this marriage off ASAP.
It is just a matter of 长痛不如短痛.Like what most advice, just end it. Maybe you have some baggage in the marriage that is not so direct to end it.
Normal days, at times I will go out with my colleagues, friends, and don't respond to my hubby's call or
messages. Making myself unavailable for him.
So during the sex day, he will thirst for my attention and sex when I am fully available for hubby.
Remember, when you are always available, then you will not be cherished.
I have similar success with hubby when I took the risk to tell him how some male colleague and client tried to flirt with me at work. Basically sending warning signals that I am still attractive to others if he doesn't find me desirable anymore (yes, our sex was declining). I was prepared for it to backfire if I tell him what happened at work but luckily for me, he suddenly paid more attention to me and even asked how I handled those situations. Of course I assured him that I did not waver even though it felt good to be flirted.
From then on, he became more "possessive" and wanted sex more frequently. I actually read somewhere that in the animal kingdom, the male species have the tendency to keep inseminating their females to deter other males from coming close. Perhaps this is the psychology behind my husband's reaction? The fear of losing his female to other males? Not sure.... sharing my experience![]()
Think such based on individual. It does backfired on me when I related similar to my hubby 1yr ago.
I also mentioned to him that there's some male colleague/client trying to flirt with me at workplace. And when at street, there's some guy who asked for my number, and wanted to know me further... However, my hubby just said 'Good lor' And nothing else...
Sex life for us was good at the beginning of marriage... After birth, it went down alot... Especially last 1-2yr, it went down drastically... Last year was worst as both hand can count how many times we had sex....
We are in late thirties. I have asked for sex once in a while but he’s doesn’t feel like all the time and if he does, I get the vibe from him that he feels like it’s a chore but I could be wrong. He cites stress, worries and work as the main reason why he has no mood but its been too long. Also to be honest, it’s hard to get the mood at home now with kids.
He’s is very protective of me and treats me alright but I feel that he is not attracted to me sexually so our physical touch is quite little. I’m pleasant looking, bmi 20. I don’t want to force him to do anything especially regarding this. Just feel very sad about this situation and wonder who is in the same boat and what to do to reverse this
I like this comments of woman who knows man well enough and what makes a man. Kudos to Jennifer_84!Hi Ladybelle, I've seen how many of my mummy friends slack after giving birth, both in dressing and body shape, citing 'no time', 'no energy', 'no need', etc. Not saying you are in this category but if you are, this could be something you want to work on.
I try to keep myself by being fashionable or subtly sexy whenever I go out, even with hubby although he has seen me for years. I also keep my body in shape and go for regular maintenance to maintain my self-confidence and woman-ness.
Men have ego and naturally feel insecure if they notice other men are ogling at his woman (that is if his eyes are not glued to the phone all the time). One day hubby noticed a lot of men glaring at my cleavage and started to hold my hand so tightly and stared back at the men who tried to ogle at me
Men are visual animals and are attracted to beautiful things, including their own wife (if she bothers to upkeep herself)![]()
I does agreed with @Jennifer_84 that it's important to keep ourself attractive, especially towards hubby. However, not all men will think this way. Some will get 'sick' of their wife, and may find attractive on others, even though their wife are already attractive.
@MYYAHOOACC-67 It will depend on the wife love language in some way. Like I won't prefer gift/flowers on important days. I will prefer him spending time with me, or maybe some intimacy or what. Gift doesn't need to be on special day to buy. LIke some day, I will buy gift for my partner, just to cheer him up, or surprise him or anything. A gift of token
Correct. But sadly to say, many does not does that... Which is that's why many have affair, and divorce rate went up...Although occasional surprises like gifts are delightful, I prefer spending more time with each other too. Nowadays, we are guilty of spending more time with our phones, work, kids, etc, neglecting the other half.
Both husband and wife should also strive to upkeep ourselves to stay attractive as much as we can, just like how we did it during courtship. It doesn't mean we should stop doing that after marriage, in fact, there are even stronger reasons to do it after marriage such as aging and familiarity. Also keep reminding each other what we admire him/her about, as there must be something we look up on the person otherwise we wouldn't be together in the first place.
Correct. But sadly to say, many does not does that... Which is that's why many have affair, and divorce rate went up...