How do you communicate with your hubby?

[joyousbb]

Hi ladies

Having some serious marriage Crisis here. Have been having communication problem with my hubby since many years ago. Although i have tried but i dont seems to be able to know what he wants and how he feel n communicate with him the way he wanted. Whenever i try he will get annoyed n feels that we are not talking but only making noise, trying to talk but if no substance hence we seldom talk. When we talk it is about our child; only child. If not, we will either end up quarrelling or not talking at all.

In the past, when we were in courtship also hardly topics to talk about n maybe that should be a hint that we are not suitable for each other, but sigh, it is too late now. We are married almost 10 yrs n this communication efficiently issues has been with us...

May i have some pointers from you on how you communicate with your hubby? Like how do u in your everyday busy lives managed to squeeze time to talk or interact with him and still manage to share common topics/interests and be spiritually n emotionally satisfied and happy?

Any sharing and tips/points r most welcomed.

Thanks so much.

 

[adhd.dad]

What are his interests? Besides mobile phone games.

 

[joyousbb]

Hi adhd dad

Soceer, tv games and he likes intellectual talks.
Sing ktv

 

[pixie ng]

I guess my hub and i should be consider no communication problem but we always at "log head" lol.. for example he is Democrats, I'm more Republican.. but both of us think trump is a joke...

Since im sahm, we seldom talk about work unless he is asking for my advise. The only topic is also our twins... we also gamers so we game ps4 together.. and we watch some drama together like bates motel... eer, that's about it...

Nowadays mostly we just sit together in the living room after twins asleep. I watch my anime and he plays his hp games..lol

 

[timmerin]

Both hands need to clap. Sometimes I don't feel like talking much (I am the quiet type) but my hub tries to break the ice.
Laughter/humour is the best medicine. Try to go in that direction cos when we laugh together we naturally relax n bond.

 

[joyousbb]

Thanks pixie ng and timmerin...
He always feels that i m on my hp. That is bcos he always like don't wanna talk considerably n wanna poke me by saying things i dont like to hear. I just him to be a little more considerate n dedicate to my feelings and say things that is rather compromising than just straight out to hurt

 

[joyousbb]

Like he will say things which he clearly want n like to become he dont like it so that i wont go and do it then i just dumbfounded. Eg, i say lets go eat something at a place which he wanted by coz he doesn't wanna go to that place he say he doesn't like to eat, where in fact he has been craving it for a long time

 

[pixie ng]

Like he will say things which he clearly want n like to become he dont like it so that i wont go and do it then i just dumbfounded. Eg, i say lets go eat something at a place which he wanted by coz he doesn't wanna go to that place he say he doesn't like to eat, where in fact he has been craving it for a long time

err.. seriously i duno what you talking about... haha... is like some crazy riddle...
so you know him better than he know himself and he is lying to you that he doesnt want to go there???

i thought men are more simple minded creatures and women tends to over think stuffs? perhaps just ask him where he want to go then go there?

 

[joyousbb]

err.. seriously i duno what you talking about... haha... is like some crazy riddle...
so you know him better than he know himself and he is lying to you that he doesnt want to go there???

i thought men are more simple minded creatures and women tends to over think stuffs? perhaps just ask him where he want to go then go there?

Hmm, ok.
I means i know he wanted to eat Something coz be bas been talking about it but because i. Order to get to eat that thing he has to travel to the place where doesnt wanna go so he just say he don't want to eat that anymore.

Ask him he also dont want to say...sigh...

 

[Skiasia]

Sometimes when in a marriage for too long eg.8 yrs and above, usually seldom have topics to talk unless major decisions to discuss or kids topics.this is quite normal la.
I will prefer to watch tv alone then to communicate more cause talk more will lead to argurement or quarrel .so hence it is better talk less.hahaha.this is my feel.

 

[joyousbb]

Sometimes when in a marriage for too long eg.8 yrs and above, usually seldom have topics to talk unless major decisions to discuss or kids topics.this is quite normal la.
I will prefer to watch tv alone then to communicate more cause talk more will lead to argurement or quarrel .so hence it is better talk less.hahaha.this is my feel.

I agree with u.

But i think it all boils down to money also.

Could i ask how do u settle the households bills?
50-50 for hubby n wife?

Do u all have a yearly plans like how much to spend for trips/big ticket items n save per year, or set plans n gaols for the year?

 

[pixie ng]

Sometimes when in a marriage for too long eg.8 yrs and above, usually seldom have topics to talk unless major decisions to discuss or kids topics.this is quite normal la.
I will prefer to watch tv alone then to communicate more cause talk more will lead to argurement or quarrel .so hence it is better talk less.hahaha.this is my feel.

seriously i feel is abnormal... maybe that's just me..
my parents married for like forever, they still have things to chat with each other, go out dating and hold hands somemore... i guess it boils down to whether both parties want to make an effort..

i cant imagine that i am going to spend rest of my life with someone that i cannot communicate at all.. talk another few more sentences will lead to argument and quarrel

 

[pixie ng]

I agree with u.

But i think it all boils down to money also.

Could i ask how do u settle the households bills?
50-50 for hubby n wife?

Do u all have a yearly plans like how much to spend for trips/big ticket items n save per year, or set plans n gaols for the year?

since i'm sahm, everything is paid my hub..
every year travels few times also paid by him... set plans and goals definitely together though... that's what makes a family...

 

[uya ast]

since i'm sahm, everything is paid my hub..
every year travels few times also paid by him... set plans and goals definitely together though... that's what makes a family...

Try to put in more effort for one another. Money matters most of the time my husband will offer to pay. But i will usually pay for my own stuff and reject him from paying. I think it is a mutual understanding and spare a thought for each other?

 

[Skiasia]

I agree with u.

But i think it all boils down to money also.

Could i ask how do u settle the households bills?
50-50 for hubby n wife?

Do u all have a yearly plans like how much to spend for trips/big ticket items n save per year, or set plans n gaols for the year?

Everything paid by hb cause i m a sahm.no income.

 

[pixie ng]

Try to put in more effort for one another. Money matters most of the time my husband will offer to pay. But i will usually pay for my own stuff and reject him from paying. I think it is a mutual understanding and spare a thought for each other?

errr..seriously it doesnt sound weird at all??? money matters most of the time??
and mutual understanding is just paying your own stuffs?

 

[uya ast]

I mean for money matters, most of the time he will offer to pay. It is not good to always expect the husband will have to pay thou. The mutual understanding is caring for one another and spare a thought for him/her. Money can be quite a sensitive matter at times.

 

[VenusMummy]

sounds abit like my case. now we are actually planning to file for divorce since the marriage is not working out. We are not communicating except for child's matters. There is zero common topics in the first place. We don't live together (which is even worse). We quarrel almost everyday. All these kills the whole marriage.

 

[confusemum]

I also felt like giving up my marriage. We don't have common topics. Whether I ask about his work, he replied unhappy and said like he need to report to me. I said i has to ask then he say. I don't ask then he don't say. He is a quiet person that seldom talks a lot. Most of the times I and the kids are the one talking to him.
We used to work together and I felt he talked more to his colleagues than me. He will joke and tell them if he is coming in late or time off.
I felt unbalance at the same time.

 

[adhd.dad]

I feel sad when I read these posts.

 

[jlohsc]

Something to share..

Click the link and find out miscommunication topic

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1821691314811992

 

[sutralove]

He prefer just not talking. At least Husband comes home Everyday after work, and love the children can already. We don't talk like courtship anymore (btw he talk to me for hours during courtship), he come home tired and want to sleep. We hardly talk unless joke about baby.


As long as Husband is responsible, I Guess that's the way he shows his love to you

Marriage is not a fairytale. Understanding towards your Husband and knowing he is busy. A lot of people expect their marriage to be perfect, that's why nowadays divorce rates 50%. Just live life your own way, don't care about "perfect way of life" people say

Hi ladies

Having some serious marriage Crisis here. Have been having communication problem with my hubby since many years ago. Although i have tried but i dont seems to be able to know what he wants and how he feel n communicate with him the way he wanted. Whenever i try he will get annoyed n feels that we are not talking but only making noise, trying to talk but if no substance hence we seldom talk. When we talk it is about our child; only child. If not, we will either end up quarrelling or not talking at all.

In the past, when we were in courtship also hardly topics to talk about n maybe that should be a hint that we are not suitable for each other, but sigh, it is too late now. We are married almost 10 yrs n this communication efficiently issues has been with us...

May i have some pointers from you on how you communicate with your hubby? Like how do u in your everyday busy lives managed to squeeze time to talk or interact with him and still manage to share common topics/interests and be spiritually n emotionally satisfied and happy?

Any sharing and tips/points r most welcomed.

Thanks so much.

 

[sutralove]

My Husband takes the Tab since we started dating. I wouldn't Marry a man that ask me to pay haha seriously


Anyway I'm a tai tai and hence he Pays for everything. My maid, our household bills; the house, my shopping unless we run out of his money then I use mine, he pays for basically every single thing


we're living good

I agree with u.

But i think it all boils down to money also.

Could i ask how do u settle the households bills?
50-50 for hubby n wife?

Do u all have a yearly plans like how much to spend for trips/big ticket items n save per year, or set plans n gaols for the year?

 

[confusemum]

He prefer just not talking. At least Husband comes home Everyday after work, and love the children can already. We don't talk like courtship anymore (btw he talk to me for hours during courtship), he come home tired and want to sleep. We hardly talk unless joke about baby.


As long as Husband is responsible, I Guess that's the way he shows his love to you

Marriage is not a fairytale. Understanding towards your Husband and knowing he is busy. A lot of people expect their marriage to be perfect, that's why nowadays divorce rates 50%. Just live life your own way, don't care about "perfect way of life" people say

You can accept your hubby dont talk to you at all?
As long he come back home daily and love the children?
How you spend your day and life as you are SAHM?

 

[sutralove]

For me yes. Not don't talk at all. I Guess have to find out why he doesn't talk. And also we have to understand men are very different from women in the sense, they are not so emotional and have emotional / communication needs like us. They probably feel happy working, seeing a happy family at home and need to rest his mind after work, unless he's an extrovert then he likes to chat.

Afew reasons maybe why he doesn't talk: no common topic. Are we talking something that interest him? Find out what Husband is most chatty about and talk to him about his interested topic Lor. He will talk more like that. I do that haha. Also is he tired for the day? Is he interested in gossip or makeup, if not avoid that topic with him.

For me i prioritise. No perfect man. If he works and brings home money, and play and spend all his free time with me and baby Liao, I want to show him understanding to make him happier after work.

I'm home all day taking care of baby even though I got maid. I try to cook healthy food, and basically shower baby myself etc. Put in some effort. Watch some movies online. Call Husband during his work to say hi, coz he does business so can pick up my call. But still will be bored sometimes.

How about u? U FTWM or SAHM?

You can accept your hubby dont talk to you at all?
As long he come back home daily and love the children?
How you spend your day and life as you are SAHM?

 

[confusemum]

For me yes. Not don't talk at all. I Guess have to find out why he doesn't talk. And also we have to understand men are very different from women in the sense, they are not so emotional and have emotional / communication needs like us. They probably feel happy working, seeing a happy family at home and need to rest his mind after work, unless he's an extrovert then he likes to chat.

Afew reasons maybe why he doesn't talk: no common topic. Are we talking something that interest him? Find out what Husband is most chatty about and talk to him about his interested topic Lor. He will talk more like that. I do that haha. Also is he tired for the day? Is he interested in gossip or makeup, if not avoid that topic with him.

For me i prioritise. No perfect man. If he works and brings home money, and play and spend all his free time with me and baby Liao, I want to show him understanding to make him happier after work.

I'm home all day taking care of baby even though I got maid. I try to cook healthy food, and basically shower baby myself etc. Put in some effort. Watch some movies online. Call Husband during his work to say hi, coz he does business so can pick up my call. But still will be bored sometimes.

How about u? U FTWM or SAHM?

FTWM, my hubby also doing business but I don't call him during his work. He work 24/7 and work daily cos he needs to hand on a lot of things.
He does has an assistant to help out and this assistant has been around before he took over the biz from the family.
Frankly I am unhappy that he is closed to this assistant and he cared for her a lot compared the care towards me.
I felt I don't even know his schedule while that assistant knows.
I also don't know about his medical appointment as he don't even bother to tell me too which this pissed me off.

 

[sutralove]

Oh no. I see why u say that now. Hmm. Would u consider quitting your job and work as his assistant instead? So u can be close to your Husband and be with him, rather than allow another woman to have so much contact with your Husband

I believe a businessman Husband needs help, and if the Wife can help, it can help the marriage because he will be dependent on u my whole family comes from business hence I see all my Mother, aunts and Grandmother helping their husbands. And Also, it gives u chance to talk to him and be close, and also topics to talk about, and an income at the same time

I intend to help my Husband once my baby goes to school. Maybe even baking a cake for them and going to office when I'm free, and make friends with his staff so I know everything haha!

FTWM, my hubby also doing business but I don't call him during his work. He work 24/7 and work daily cos he needs to hand on a lot of things.
He does has an assistant to help out and this assistant has been around before he took over the biz from the family.
Frankly I am unhappy that he is closed to this assistant and he cared for her a lot compared the care towards me.
I felt I don't even know his schedule while that assistant knows.
I also don't know about his medical appointment as he don't even bother to tell me too which this pissed me off.

 

[pixie ng]

FTWM, my hubby also doing business but I don't call him during his work. He work 24/7 and work daily cos he needs to hand on a lot of things.
He does has an assistant to help out and this assistant has been around before he took over the biz from the family.
Frankly I am unhappy that he is closed to this assistant and he cared for her a lot compared the care towards me.
I felt I don't even know his schedule while that assistant knows.
I also don't know about his medical appointment as he don't even bother to tell me too which this pissed me off.

why would you say that ur hub care about ur assistant more than u?
obviously his assistant needs to know his schedule, if not how to be his assistant?

all along i dun call my hub even during our dating time.. so now even im sahm, i also dun call him. only msg him when i'm hungry then he buys food for me...haha... our current topic is our upcoming trip to taiwan and ps4 resident evil though... we play the game together when our twins asleep. actually i not really interested in his business, since im no longer working and most importantly there is incoming funds to my bank acct but he would ask for my advise or complains about stuffs. as previously i'm same industry with him, so i'm able to communicate with him and help him resolve problems....

bottomline is you need to have at least one common interest with him beside children....

 

[confusemum]

why would you say that ur hub care about ur assistant more than u?
obviously his assistant needs to know his schedule, if not how to be his assistant?

all along i dun call my hub even during our dating time.. so now even im sahm, i also dun call him. only msg him when i'm hungry then he buys food for me...haha... our current topic is our upcoming trip to taiwan and ps4 resident evil though... we play the game together when our twins asleep. actually i not really interested in his business, since im no longer working and most importantly there is incoming funds to my bank acct but he would ask for my advise or complains about stuffs. as previously i'm same industry with him, so i'm able to communicate with him and help him resolve problems....

bottomline is you need to have at least one common interest with him beside children....

Do u know your hubby daily schedule?
Haha you sound like you care about does he bring money back more.
I'll said he didn't ill-treat me as I am working for him now. He is giving me a good salary which is more than the assistant and working hours shorter and I can say flexible working hours.
Compare to assistant, she work longer hours and sometime she still working even my hubby went off for the day.

As a wife. Wan to know what is hubby's schedule is common right? Even u r SAHM, do u inform your hubby your schedule like u meet up with friend or go shopping and etc?

He like me to be independent so he don't has to worry about me and family which I am in the past.
I seldom get him involve with the kids and myself.
I seldom ask about his work. He will come back after work.

The assistant told me before, he told her that his wife is independent.

He said he is already stress out with business and he don't wish to come back home still need to report or talk about it. He wan to relax that few hours.

 

[pixie ng]

Do u know your hubby daily schedule?
Haha you sound like you care about does he bring money back more.
I'll said he didn't ill-treat me as I am working for him now. He is giving me a good salary which is more than the assistant and working hours shorter and I can say flexible working hours.
Compare to assistant, she work longer hours and sometime she still working even my hubby went off for the day.

As a wife. Wan to know what is hubby's schedule is common right? Even u r SAHM, do u inform your hubby your schedule like u meet up with friend or go shopping and etc?

He like me to be independent so he don't has to worry about me and family which I am in the past.
I seldom get him involve with the kids and myself.
I seldom ask about his work. He will come back after work.

The assistant told me before, he told her that his wife is independent unlike his mum.

He said he is already stress out with business and he don't wish to come back home still need to report or talk about it. He wan to relax that few hours.

I care about there is incoming funds into my bank account. Need to pay bills... even a sahm needs to be realistic. I dun care about how much my hub earns and I also don't know how much he earns... and i also don't know his daily schedule except he will come home for lunch and spend some time with the kids. When I go to the playground with kids in the evening will msg him so he knows which playground we at.

I dun tell my hub my daily schedule..and i dun go shopping.. I only meetup with my friends every quarter and I put it in my calendar which I share with my hub.. so consider tell him? I guess is normal for a wife to know all his hub schedule but for me I dun really bother about his schedule unless he needs to fly overseas.

From what u say ur hub cares about you more than his assistant. So would u say he cares more about his assistant?

 

[confusemum]

I care about there is incoming funds into my bank account. Need to pay bills... even a sahm needs to be realistic. I dun care about how much my hub earns and I also don't know how much he earns... and i also don't know his daily schedule except he will come home for lunch and spend some time with the kids. When I go to the playground with kids in the evening will msg him so he knows which playground we at.

I dun tell my hub my daily schedule..and i dun go shopping.. I only meetup with my friends every quarter and I put it in my calendar which I share with my hub.. so consider tell him? I guess is normal for a wife to know all his hub schedule but for me I dun really bother about his schedule unless he needs to fly overseas.

From what u say ur hub cares about you more than his assistant. So would u say he cares more about his assistant?

Yup I felt that he cares more about his assistant.

 

[octbb2016]

Yup I felt that he cares more about his assistant.

Hmm if i were u i.concern abt this .I will want to talk to my hub regarding abt my concern.U know ur hun well , if u think he cant take it then no say.
Work on the r.s, initiate conversation, find topics to chat with him.
I hope the asst is not single, young & pretty @_@
Does ur hub work late?
I will on & off go to the office bring some snack to the staff to find out any situation

 

[confusemum]

Hmm if i were u i.concern abt this .I will want to talk to my hub regarding abt my concern.U know ur hun well , if u think he cant take it then no say.
Work on the r.s, initiate conversation, find topics to chat with him.
I hope the asst is not single, young & pretty @_@
Does ur hub work late?
I will on & off go to the office bring some snack to the staff to find out any situation

She is few yrs younger than my hubby. She married and not bad looking as she knows how to take care her face haha

No he don't work late.... most of the time he come back home after work.

 

[octbb2016]

She is few yrs younger than my hubby. She married and not bad looking as she knows how to take care her face haha

No he don't work late.... most of the time he come back home after work.

Then u need to work harder on ur r.s -strike conversation.both married co worker also common

 

[joyousbb]

Something to share..

Click the link and find out miscommunication topic

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1821691314811992

Thanks jlohsc for sharing