Help me please. Matters of the heart.

[Hxyxl]

I have been in a relationship for 4 years with guy A. Our relationship has issues, we grew distant and broke up in 2018. Then I met a new guy, guy B and we got into a relationship for a year.

So 2 weeks ago, my ex bf 'A' whom I still maintained in contact with, decided to come over to my house for NEW Year countdown with me in my room. As it was past midnight, we slept together on the same bed as it was late already. I was facing away from him and he hugged me from behind and started to touch my legs. I thought I would move away but I end up getting aroused as I wore very short shorts. Yes, we f***ed all night after that.

Then we did not contact again after that night. Now I am hesitating to continue my relationship with B as I felt guilty that my body betrayed my feelings. Anyone in such situation before?

 

[Minty88]

Looks like you have to ask yourself if you still cherish your relationship with guy B. It is normal for your body to feel aroused even your mind dont intend to. But it will not be fair for guy B if you are still keeping touch with your ex bf guy A.

 

[Hxyxl]

I whatsapp guy A last night. I asked him why does he do that to me that night and still able to live his life normally while I am here getting affected and guilt. Guess what this jerk reply? He said i felt guilty not because of us f***king behind guy B. He said I felt guilty because I enjoyed it.

I blocked him from my whatsapp after that.

 

[JL8118]

To be honest, you are just finding trouble for yourself.
I don't understand why you still ask A over to your house and even allow him to stay over and sleep with you since you both have broken up. Since you had this, you should bear your own consequences...

For the sake of B, I suggested you break up with him, and tell him what you did. You are worthy of him

 

[Hxyxl]

Hmm. I did not allow him to stay over or sleep beside me initially. But as it was late and throughout the 2 hours before countdown, he did not make me feel like coming over was his intention to just to have sex. We were just watching youtube together, had a chat. So i let him stay over. He started off by putting his hands on my legs for like 10mins without doing anything else. So I let it be. I would tell him to handsoff if he trying to go further. But as his hands slowly went higher, my body gave in to his touch. If you are in the same situation with me, you might not be in the right frame of mind or heart to do the right thing too.

 

[Mongkok]

ok.. some ppl toasted up along the way..

the issue here is to identify who is the real prince.

leaving B only answers to your guilt.

but if u think of leaving B gg to A, then i think he is only gd as a sleeping partner since he didn't bother to contact or rekindle a relationship w u.

if u are in a serious relationship w B and your age is catching up, then might as well keep quiet and pretend nothing happens.

by being 'honest' to yourself (leaving B), u will b deeper into this shit and end up a sleeping partner then a wife to someone else.

of course, if we are looking from B's interest, then it will be encouraged that u leave him. coz, u already gave him a green hat by (w anticipation) sleeping w A from the moment u guys do a countdown w/o B.

since our mother's era, they already don't expect catching mosquito together w a man in the same bed.

https://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/login/

 

[JL8118]

Hmm. I did not allow him to stay over or sleep beside me initially. But as it was late and throughout the 2 hours before countdown, he did not make me feel like coming over was his intention to just to have sex. We were just watching youtube together, had a chat. So i let him stay over. He started off by putting his hands on my legs for like 10mins without doing anything else. So I let it be. I would tell him to handsoff if he trying to go further. But as his hands slowly went higher, my body gave in to his touch. If you are in the same situation with me, you might not be in the right frame of mind or heart to do the right thing too.

First, when one attach, why will he or she invite another opposite sex to come over? Esp is ex. At least for me I won't.

Secondly, even if i were to invite an ex or opposite sex over, i will not allow him to zz with me either, esp I'm attached at that moment. Its only finding trouble for myself.

Yes. If another touches me i may not be able to control myself. But why give him the opportunity to do so? From the way you put, can i say if other guy touches your lap n move upwards, you will allow him too?

 

[Hxyxl]

I dont sleep around. My first boyfriend (doesnt count though) was only 1 month as I was in primary school still.. Follow by Guy A and B are the only boyfriends that I ever had. 4 years with guy A. 1 year+ with guy B.

Maybe its because guy A is 3 years older than me and he taught me how to feel good with my body. And being my first boyfriend, the memories we had was more deep. But because of different ways of thinking, we became more distant on our 4th year together and then I met guy B from a friends birthday party. Guy B showered me with attention and care and slowly I fell for him. I broke up with Guy A after another major quarrel and I got with guy B just a week after the break up.

Guy A
- My first love
- Deep memories together
- Different thinking
- His not good looking
- Not rich, average income
- My first sexual experience with a guy
- His so good on bed that we f**k almost every week from 2nd year onwards to the point I felt like a slut. First year no sex at all. Only kiss + hug + held hands
- I dont feel proud to show my friends that A is my bf.
- Bad english

Guy B
- Good looking and good figure
- Quite well to do/rich
- Humourous
- Had sex after a month we got together
- Does not enjoy much so we f**k for less than 3 times in whole 2019 despite him kept initiating it.
- I enjoy his company more than A
- Feel proud to be his gf more than A
- Guy B has alot of girls that will fall for him
- Good command of english

 

[JL8118]

Well, for you and A is already 'past'. So you should not get involve with him anymore. Learnt your lesson I hope.
If I'm in your shoes, I will definitely tell B frankly about it. Not only to lessen the guilt, but also to be honest to him.
If he can accept, and still don't mind about it, and willing to be with you, that's good. And please cherish him.
If he doesn't, let him go, and find another.

 

[joyousbb]

Well, for you and A is already 'past'. So you should not get involve with him anymore. Learnt your lesson I hope.
If I'm in your shoes, I will definitely tell B frankly about it. Not only to lessen the guilt, but also to be honest to him.
If he can accept, and still don't mind about it, and willing to be with you, that's good. And please cherish him.
If he doesn't, let him go, and find another.

Agree with JL8118

 

[KelGen]

I will suggest similar as the others.
To stop contacting A (as I feel he's not worth for you)

Next, if I'm you, I will break up with B also. Reason being, even though he may accept/doesn't mind about it if you tell him, but can foresee many issues that will happen thereafter. Especially lost of trust, and having a doubt of benefit. He will suspect you here and there, and worst, for some guy, he may even does not allow you to contact other GUY friend... Since he have the 'yin ying' that you may do it again with some other guy.

 

[sengsm]

I have been in a relationship for 4 years with guy A. Our relationship has issues, we grew distant and broke up in 2018. Then I met a new guy, guy B and we got into a relationship for a year.

So 2 weeks ago, my ex bf 'A' whom I still maintained in contact with, decided to come over to my house for NEW Year countdown with me in my room. As it was past midnight, we slept together on the same bed as it was late already. I was facing away from him and he hugged me from behind and started to touch my legs. I thought I would move away but I end up getting aroused as I wore very short shorts. Yes, we f***ed all night after that.

Then we did not contact again after that night. Now I am hesitating to continue my relationship with B as I felt guilty that my body betrayed my feelings. Anyone in such situation before?

What happen is that what guy A did to you is a pre-mediated conspiracy to use you as a hooker that night but you are caught off-guard and you mistaken that he still find you very attractive (which is natural for any women because its women's vanity)(he know you for 4 years, he know exactly what to do to caught you off-guard) which could be the reason he never contact you after the deed. Do you want to be use by guy A again? If you spend one night with guy B in return, you may be able to get over your guilt after that. What is done had been done, don't let guy A destroyed your relationship with guy B and use you again and again and destroy your life (if you were to get into this shit, nobody can help you), if you cherish your relationship with guy B. Because of what happen during that countdown night, you have come to an important cross road in life, you got to think carefully before you take your next step. Going back to guy A is definitely a wrong move. Leaving guy B now is also a wrong move because you may feel lonely and when guy A contact you, you got carried away again. Don't believe that your body will betrayed your feelings but your situation make you vulnerable.