Giving baby up for adoption

Lily29

New Member
Hi,

I am 27yr old female who is 5 weeks pregnant and really considering giving the baby up for adoption. Neither myself nor the baby's daddy is ready to have a baby and abortion poses an ethical issue for us.

Has anyone here given up their baby for adoption? What is the process like? Would I get to sit down and interview the potential adoptive parents before I give up the baby to them?

I've tried to do my own research on this but unfortunately and to my frustration, information is really lacking for women like me who is looking to give up my baby for adoption. I prefer not to approach any agencies first as I really would love to be in a neutral position when I make my final decision. Just afraid that when I go to agencies my opinion may be biased.

So, I would really appreciate it if anyone can share with me their story on giving their baby up for adoption. Thank you very much.
 


I have a few people who have PM asking me to consider keeping the baby to myself rather than give it up for adoption.

I guess, in order for people to understand why I would want to give it up for adoption, people would need to know my story. I don't know if anyone is even gonna read this and it doesn't really matter because this is also an outlet for me to express my frustration and disappointment with my current situation.

I am a 27 year old Malay Singaporean and the baby's dad (lets call him Matt) is 25 year old Chinese Singaporean. We have been together since May 2015. Before this I was an IT Engineer but I quit my job a year ago to start up my own business which went horribly wrong and resulted in me losing a lot of my savings. Matt is an oil & gas technician. We met through a mutual friend and has been together since.

During the starting of the relationship, Matt was a great bf who was kind, and showed a lot of concerns until I found out his true colours.

Matt is in fact a very heavy gambler and drinker. He visits Casinos and Thai Disco very often. He also bets heavily with illegal soccer bookies and also with 4D. Whatever little savings I have left from my failed business venture has been used to help him out of his debts. Not only that, he is also a compulsive liar and a cheater. I have caught him many times with love bites on his neck after a night out with the guys. I have also seen him messaging Thai ladies on Line telling them how much he loves them and want to marry them. I have tried to end things with him many times, but as you may have guess, I fell into his words time and again.

Anyway, I found out I was pregnant on the 28th August 2016 while Matt was in Bangkok (which I later found out he was there to meet one of his Thai gf, Jane). Upon his arrival back in Singapore, I took a pregnancy test again with Matt to double confirm the pregnancy.

Upon the positive test result, Matt insisted we register our marriage and keep the baby which I initially agreed to. At that point, I was not only relieved that I wouldn't need to do this all alone but at the same time was getting excited about keeping the baby to myself.

My happiness however was short lived when I found out about another woman in his life (let's name her Linda. Linda is a 29 year old Singaporean). I managed to get Linda's number, we got into contact and met up. Apparently, Linda is also Matt's gf and they have been together for 3 years and were also planning to get married. I was beyond devastated. I confronted Matt about the issue that same day. Matt apologised and again made to me his meaningless promises.

I did some digging around after meeting up with Matt and found out that a few minutes after he had left from meeting me, he messaged his Thai gf Jane on fb saying that she is the only one he loves and that he will be back in Bangkok to meet her again in a month time.

So, as you can see, this has been what I'm putting up with the last few weeks. I have honestly been very depressed with my current situation. Not only do I have to deal with the betrayal from unfaithful Matt, I also have to decide what I want to do with my unborn child.

It is easy for outsiders to tell me to keep it. But my financial situation is not stable. And emotionally, I am very afraid that if I do decide to keep my baby, upon his/her birth, the baby will remind me so much of Matt and I will in turn despise my own baby.

I know how naïve I sound when you read my story. I do hope you guys will not be so harsh with your criticism on me if you have any. If not, thank you for reading and understanding my situation.


-Lily
 
Poor thing ..Lilly ...u fell for a sweet talking Romeo ... with gambling habits.

It isnt right for anyone of us to tell you what u need to do cos your challenges ahead with Matt or without is tough. You know what i mean.

But my 2cents worth ..a womanizer n a gamble never make a good Dad or husband. And these 2 bad habits never goes away.

If you see 2 roads... one pave with sharp stones but rainbow ahead n another road, dark n gloomy with no light ahead, which would u chose.

I drop Matt anytime, dun need this baggage but i will never abandon my baby.
 
Hi Lily,
I know it's easy to say.. but I'd advise you to keep the baby if you can. You can do without the crappy Matt, and your baby definitely can do without a crappy dad. But I'm just thinking - your baby didn't have a choice to not have his biological father, but you have a choice to keep your biological baby. Your baby won't have a biological dad (better of without him anyway), but do you want your baby to be without his/her biological mum too?

Perhaps you can try looking for a job that isn't that strenuous on your pregnancy? Or perhaps seek help from those centres who helps those who needs financial aid.. ? The first thought that came to my mind when I read about you wanting to give it up was - when the baby grows old enough, he/she will be wondering where's his/her biological mother..... it's quite a painful thing.
 
You should contact MCCY or some social services person. They will be able to guide you on the various options, including adoption. Also, in addition to adoption, you can also put the baby up in the foster care. MCCY has a foster care scheme - the purpose of this scheme includes to help single mothers like yourself - the system enlists the help of other families to take care of your baby while you try to stand on your own two feet. At the end of the day, you will be able to have the option to care for your child; or, give your child up for adoption.

I am just saying that if you have already decided to have the baby, adoption is not necessarily a decision that you have to make NOW. What you do need to do now is to drop Matt!
 
Keeping a baby is not expensive in SG. It depends on what kind of lifestyle you want to have. A baby jusy need your cuddle, breast milk and love. Many mommies would be happy to pass you baby clothes. The only consumables that i can think of is diapers.

You can seek financial assistance to help u with any childcare expenses. Or if possible, seek help from your parents, so that you can work while they help you to take care of baby. All the best.
 
Wow! I am honestly so touched my the kind words, advice and encouragement given.

I apologise for my very long disappearance but I have been busy trying to pull myself out of my own mess.

I have decided to keep my baby no matter how hard it would be. I just fell in love with her when I saw her image on the ultrasound screen and decided there is no 2 ways going about this.

Financial wise is still a struggle, I decided to make use of my real estate license I got 2 years ago and plunge into the property industry which some would tell me is a very foolhardy thing to do. I am also working part time in an f&b establishment to support my daily expenses while trying to close my first deal. :)

As for Matt, getting rid of him wasn't easy. Every break up attempt by me would be met with a violent episode to a point where neighbours would call the police. But he is finally gone after I gave him some money. He is now in Bangkok with his new thai gf who is not Jane btw.

My mum has offered to help in caring for my baby when she's born.

In all, the road ahead is still daunting. And I will be struggling for the next few months. I just hope my hard work with my new career pays off.

Again, I am overwhelmed by the support given. Thank you all. May God bless u guys. :)
 
Financial wise is still a struggle, I decided to make use of my real estate license I got 2 years ago and plunge into the property industry which some would tell me is a very foolhardy thing to do. I am also working part time in an f&b establishment to support my daily expenses while trying to close my first deal. :)

I failed my real estate examinations miserably last year and if not i could link up with you to see how i could help you in clinging your first deal. There are some types of people you would like to be careful with. 1) People who are not agents and negative about real estate 2) People who are agents and badmouthed about the industry because they don't see results (they either are not committed enough or they do not have a deep enough understanding about real estate 3) Unethical agents who placed his/ her commissions as top priorities over the clients (red flag)

I have a brand new real estate sales book (271 pages) to give to you free. Please let me know if you are interested so I can pass to you at your convenient. This is not a theory base book. This is a book to enrich you ethically, prepare you well psychologically and over hundred ready to use phrases to communicate with clients professionally.

I look forward to hearing you clinging your first deal. All the best! :)
 
Wow! I am honestly so touched my the kind words, advice and encouragement given.

I apologise for my very long disappearance but I have been busy trying to pull myself out of my own mess.

I have decided to keep my baby no matter how hard it would be. I just fell in love with her when I saw her image on the ultrasound screen and decided there is no 2 ways going about this.

Financial wise is still a struggle, I decided to make use of my real estate license I got 2 years ago and plunge into the property industry which some would tell me is a very foolhardy thing to do. I am also working part time in an f&b establishment to support my daily expenses while trying to close my first deal. :)

As for Matt, getting rid of him wasn't easy. Every break up attempt by me would be met with a violent episode to a point where neighbours would call the police. But he is finally gone after I gave him some money. He is now in Bangkok with his new thai gf who is not Jane btw.

My mum has offered to help in caring for my baby when she's born.

In all, the road ahead is still daunting. And I will be struggling for the next few months. I just hope my hard work with my new career pays off.

Again, I am overwhelmed by the support given. Thank you all. May God bless u guys. :)


pls get police records against him so in the future, if he ever decides he wants to try and fight you for the child, you can easily take PPO
 
Wow! I am honestly so touched my the kind words, advice and encouragement given.

I apologise for my very long disappearance but I have been busy trying to pull myself out of my own mess.

I have decided to keep my baby no matter how hard it would be. I just fell in love with her when I saw her image on the ultrasound screen and decided there is no 2 ways going about this.

Financial wise is still a struggle, I decided to make use of my real estate license I got 2 years ago and plunge into the property industry which some would tell me is a very foolhardy thing to do. I am also working part time in an f&b establishment to support my daily expenses while trying to close my first deal. :)

As for Matt, getting rid of him wasn't easy. Every break up attempt by me would be met with a violent episode to a point where neighbours would call the police. But he is finally gone after I gave him some money. He is now in Bangkok with his new thai gf who is not Jane btw.

My mum has offered to help in caring for my baby when she's born.

In all, the road ahead is still daunting. And I will be struggling for the next few months. I just hope my hard work with my new career pays off.

Again, I am overwhelmed by the support given. Thank you all. May God bless u guys. :)
Hi lily,

Guess you must be busy with your baby and earning a living. I m so inspired by your strength to fight for your living and take care of your child. I hope I can be as strong as you too. Your confession about your ex using line app to communicate with his Thai gf reminds me of my hubby using line app to flirt and send 'miss you' messages to Thai pros. I hate Thai women now, sorry now really prejudice about Thai women who are willing to cheat with married men for money sake.


Of course, the cheated men are the most sinful people. But unlike you, I can't make direct decision to get rid of my spouse because I have not caught him in any weird activity or messages ever since the first time I exposed him. He has also given up much of his freedom and money to give me some form of assurance. It has been a year now. Am not sure which is better, 1)a spouse who didn't repent so there is only one path to choose, get rid of him and life will definitely be better without him or 2) a cheated spouse who show repentance but am not quite sure whether he will lie again in future, Sian to be linked to someone who lies compulsively in the past and cheated before. tired to check on him every now and then
 

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