Hi ladies,
i hope to get some advice from the wise and experienced ladies here.
i try to summarized what has happened:
i have been with my partner for 6 years, engaged for 3 years.
5 years ago, i discover that my partner has problem maintaining and erection several times and we were never able to complete the deed.
i have encouraged him to see doctor to check if it's physical problem or couple counselling if it's some kind of mental stress, i was willing to accompany to solve the problem. however, he went to see 2 GPs on his own and they were quite dismissive as he was only 26 y/o when it started. the doctors simply prescribed him viagra and told him he's still young so most likely it's mental.
in the 2nd year of being together i tried to speak to him a few times regarding the intimacy problem and that it could lead to bigger problem if he does not try to solve it together. he always apologized but no action from him. i felt v sad, so i keep telling myself to give him time and space and not pressure him. so we actually led a life together without sex for the next 5 years. it's unbelievable but we actually love each other and connected well. he even proposed to me in our 3rd year of relationship.
however, i recently found out a lot of his dark secrets by accident.
i have out he has been having an affair with prostitute. i will skip the drama and summarize what he has claimed so far after a lot of pushing from me for him to tell the truth.
his current stand is that he wants to 'fixed' the relationship.
these are what he shared so far which may not be the full truth:
- he tried taking viagra without me knowing in 2nd year with me but he always get strong headache from viagra. he felt hopeless and DIY for 3rd year and realized he doesn't get headache from viagra anymore.
- he visited his first prostitute in 4th year of our relationship because he really wanted to find out whether he has any physical problem, he took viagra and his first time did not go entirely smooth, he did not actually has erection easily and also still couldnt maintain erection well.
- after that he did not have the courage to try with me because he felt he was dirty and he feels stressed and awkward with me.
- he then visited more prostitutes after that for next 3 years but every single time he took viagra. he concluded himself he may actually really have some physically limitation because he may not always be able to do it even with viagra. he says he more he do it, the more he feels dirty.
- his most recent prostitute turned into a full blown affair, he gave her quite abit of money in a period of around 2 or 3 months. amount to around $3K, he said that she has a sick mother(again, this may be cooked up by him or by the prostitute.) we are only 30 this year, he started having this problem at 26.
- he has a lot of pressure when it comes to slping with me because i am the only one who knows of his ED problem and being egoistic he cannot accept that. i have never told until of his ED for the past 5 years because i wanted to protect him.
- i am super heartbroken and hurt because we have been trying to save for house and knowing he spends money of prostitute i have a lot a lot of hurt and anger in me. i have asked him to be transparent about his transaction and show me his statements and bills but he only wants to tell me how much he has spends and he keeps saying he has nothing to hide but he cannot show me his statement.
it's v clear there are more things he is hiding, i actually feel very lost and i have never been so sad before in my life. i really do feel that my life has collapsed because i really see him as my soulmate and tolerated with a sexless relationship just to hoping that we would fix it someday. i am someone with nromal or above average libodo, so im not someone who is not interested in sex at all.
i feel like i have wasted 6 years of my life with him. i have found this out for 2 months plus and i still have a lot of pent up anger in me. i feel a strong sense of injustice and unfairness. i just happened to read article on illegal online prostitution in singapore and it occurred to me that the prostitutes he visited are illegal. i have thoughts of reporting this prostitute to the police. i have her name and her mobile number. can i or should i do that?
i understand fully this will not solve my relationship problem but i honestly think this will make me lessen my anger. regarding dealing with my relationship, i am just observing what he does to try to 'fixed' but on my end i am slowly withdrawing from the relationship since he cannot be fully transparent.
what would you advise me to do?
i hope to get some advice from the wise and experienced ladies here.
i try to summarized what has happened:
i have been with my partner for 6 years, engaged for 3 years.
5 years ago, i discover that my partner has problem maintaining and erection several times and we were never able to complete the deed.
i have encouraged him to see doctor to check if it's physical problem or couple counselling if it's some kind of mental stress, i was willing to accompany to solve the problem. however, he went to see 2 GPs on his own and they were quite dismissive as he was only 26 y/o when it started. the doctors simply prescribed him viagra and told him he's still young so most likely it's mental.
in the 2nd year of being together i tried to speak to him a few times regarding the intimacy problem and that it could lead to bigger problem if he does not try to solve it together. he always apologized but no action from him. i felt v sad, so i keep telling myself to give him time and space and not pressure him. so we actually led a life together without sex for the next 5 years. it's unbelievable but we actually love each other and connected well. he even proposed to me in our 3rd year of relationship.
however, i recently found out a lot of his dark secrets by accident.
i have out he has been having an affair with prostitute. i will skip the drama and summarize what he has claimed so far after a lot of pushing from me for him to tell the truth.
his current stand is that he wants to 'fixed' the relationship.
these are what he shared so far which may not be the full truth:
- he tried taking viagra without me knowing in 2nd year with me but he always get strong headache from viagra. he felt hopeless and DIY for 3rd year and realized he doesn't get headache from viagra anymore.
- he visited his first prostitute in 4th year of our relationship because he really wanted to find out whether he has any physical problem, he took viagra and his first time did not go entirely smooth, he did not actually has erection easily and also still couldnt maintain erection well.
- after that he did not have the courage to try with me because he felt he was dirty and he feels stressed and awkward with me.
- he then visited more prostitutes after that for next 3 years but every single time he took viagra. he concluded himself he may actually really have some physically limitation because he may not always be able to do it even with viagra. he says he more he do it, the more he feels dirty.
- his most recent prostitute turned into a full blown affair, he gave her quite abit of money in a period of around 2 or 3 months. amount to around $3K, he said that she has a sick mother(again, this may be cooked up by him or by the prostitute.) we are only 30 this year, he started having this problem at 26.
- he has a lot of pressure when it comes to slping with me because i am the only one who knows of his ED problem and being egoistic he cannot accept that. i have never told until of his ED for the past 5 years because i wanted to protect him.
- i am super heartbroken and hurt because we have been trying to save for house and knowing he spends money of prostitute i have a lot a lot of hurt and anger in me. i have asked him to be transparent about his transaction and show me his statements and bills but he only wants to tell me how much he has spends and he keeps saying he has nothing to hide but he cannot show me his statement.
it's v clear there are more things he is hiding, i actually feel very lost and i have never been so sad before in my life. i really do feel that my life has collapsed because i really see him as my soulmate and tolerated with a sexless relationship just to hoping that we would fix it someday. i am someone with nromal or above average libodo, so im not someone who is not interested in sex at all.
i feel like i have wasted 6 years of my life with him. i have found this out for 2 months plus and i still have a lot of pent up anger in me. i feel a strong sense of injustice and unfairness. i just happened to read article on illegal online prostitution in singapore and it occurred to me that the prostitutes he visited are illegal. i have thoughts of reporting this prostitute to the police. i have her name and her mobile number. can i or should i do that?
i understand fully this will not solve my relationship problem but i honestly think this will make me lessen my anger. regarding dealing with my relationship, i am just observing what he does to try to 'fixed' but on my end i am slowly withdrawing from the relationship since he cannot be fully transparent.
what would you advise me to do?