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Divorce soon. Looking for new life

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by wl08ms, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. wl08ms

    wl08ms New Member

    I never thought this day will come for me to post here.

    Recently, i was served with writ of divorce from my wife. We have deep character and interest mismatch begining a few years ago. Communications and involvement between us have deteriorate deeply as time goes. Though there is no 3rd party involve, I offered to restart our relationship by initiating the move. She rejected. She has no intimate feeling for me anymore. There is no turning back between us. We will share the load equally to look after our kids in a seperate way.

    I have been through a lot of hard time. This taught me that constant communication is the fundementle of good relationship. This is my advise to all couples here. I am ready to restart to look for my new life.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2019


  2. Stansy

    Stansy Member

    What happened that causes both of you drifted apart
     
  3. wl08ms

    wl08ms New Member

    Hi Stansy,
    It all began when I quitted my job before getting a new job. I knew very well i shouldnt have done this. I endured until end of my contract to get bonus and quitted due to work pressure that i couldnt cope with (You can say I am a loser in this). I sent out many resumes, attended course and took up many part time jobs. After 3 months of jobless, I was desperate. I dont have the mood to talk to anyone. My wife was too busy in her work. It's good that she can cope better than me. She never ask how I was doing so far. Our comms were mainly about children or other neccesities rather than couple talk. When i took my professional certification exam, and failed for the 2nd time, my heart just sank to the lowest point in my life. I couldnt find a comfortable person to talk to. I almost gone into depression. I changed totally to a different person: low esteem, unfriendly, expressionless, and oftern lost confident. Things get slightly better when I found my new job shortly after 1 year. But those feelings have already left a very deep cut in my life.

    My advise: No matter how well you do or achieved in your work or life, show some care to your spouse at home.

    Now i know what kind of person that I should seek in my new life.
     
  4. Johnson Philip

    Johnson Philip New Member

    who is the main care taker before and now for your children?
    Me too just divorce.
    Cheers up.
     
  5. Stansy

    Stansy Member

    Hi wl08ms

    Sorry to hear ur story but the positive side of it tt u took the challenges to upgrade urself for the better. And congratulations back to the workforce.

    I guess for any other couples topics are surrounding with kids seldom involve couple talks.

    Personally I think it’s very important to share the feeling with your loved ones as part of developing the relationship but unfortunately most of us don’t. Henceforth, some resulted to infidelity; more so for male.

    Is there any chance to salvage the marriage? Do both of you still love each other?

    By the way, how old are both of you?
     
  6. wl08ms

    wl08ms New Member

    As a responsible and caring parents, children is always our primary concern when comes to divorce. Fortunately, both of us are still committed to take equal share and load for our children.

    It is true that many couples mainly talk about children, in-law, housing, money, etc ... If without caring or couple kind of talks, they are less likely to hold hands through to their silver age. Hence, constant personal communications is the fundamentle to set the tone for all things to keep your relationship alive.

    In my case, I initiated a reset of our relationship, knowing that it's useless to look back to the past issues and problems that we had. Unfortunately, she has "no feeling" for me anymore. I cant believe this.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
  7. HuayWen

    HuayWen Member

    Sorry to hear about that but please take good care of yourself okay?

    I just got divorced too.
     
  8. Freedom-123

    Freedom-123 Member

    Did she have someone else?
     
  9. wl08ms

    wl08ms New Member

    Thanks. but sorry to hear about your case too. I am not looking back and are used to it now though still waiting for minor changes before I sign the writ letter that she served. I am also getting prepare for my future life.
     
  10. Stansy

    Stansy Member

    Jia you
     
  11. wl08ms

    wl08ms New Member

    Thanks Stansy.

    No matter how successful we are in our work life, we still need to come back home everyday. This is where our children, spouse and our life belong to. If we are often drown at work in office and still got to work frequently while at home, how can we provide the energy, attention, care and the joy to our family? No doubt, we are working hard to bring home some comfort food on the table and to sustain the luxury in life, there are some price to pay. It's a balancing game.

    I know better what to do when I look for my new partner in future.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2019
  12. Eggyoke

    Eggyoke New Member

    To me.. is not that simple just by having time.
    Is also not simple by balancing life.

    The effort must be from both parties..not just 1
    Is not just about spending enough time..
    The commitment must be there.
    Anytime the commitment or believe is lost..whatever you have on free time or money..would not help.
    A person changes thr time as we all know due to society ..due to temptations...etc
     
  13. Stansy

    Stansy Member

    Jia you! wl08ms, you will be fine. Stays positive...
    Feel free to PM me if u need listening ears. Jiayou!!!
     
  14. Sadly, i beg to differ. I would think she didn't stand-by you during the difficult times.

    Couples who called it quits during difficult times, have no foundation to begin with.

    Thats why i say, a woman's love is tested when her partner have nothing, a man's loyalty is tested when he have everything.
     

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