Divorce/Seperation w a 8mo baby

DepressedMummy

New Member
Hi all, I’m back again and I’ve given birth to a lovely dear girl who is 8 months old. I’m seriously considering a divorce as I can’t imagine living with my husband anymore. I’m both physically and mentally drained each day and I don’t feel any kind of concern or love from him at all.

1. Unstable income while Heavily in Debt
My husband is a grab driver while I’m self employed and he only goes to work as and when he feels up to it. He has a degenerative disc condition and has chronic back pain but refuse to seek therapy, home exercises or improve on his diet to lose weight. Very often, he is unable to earn enough to pay for his car rental and ends up borrowing money. He is also unable to contribute a fixed sum of income to the house and only gives me money when I ask for him to help pay for the bills or baby’s items.

Recently, he ended up owing 4-5K to the car rental company and on TOP of this, I found out that he still owes quite a lot of people money.

Despite him being heavily in debt with a baby to support, he doesn’t go to work regularly and always give the reason that his back hurts.

2. Behaviour at home
When he is home, he’s either sleeping (from morning till the next afternoon), taking naps or always on his phone playing games, watching FB or YouTube videos. He does not care if there is food on the table and only wakes up past lunchtime to eat the food I ordered.

3. Relationship w baby
My dear girl adores her dad and always flash the brightest smile at the sight of him. But he does not bath our baby or change her diapers and only interact with her at his convenience. Most of the time, he is on his phone while our girl plays by herself on the mat. He will only play or read to her after my repeated reauets

4. Personal hygiene
He tends to put off bathing and can go without bathing for more than a day. He doesn’t brush his teeth before bed and his bad breath is so strong that I can smell it just by being in the same room. This makes me very perplexed as our baby sleeps on our master bed so that I can latch her when she wakes up at night and goes back to sleep easier.

He snaps at me whenever I ask him to bath or brush his teeth. Today, I saw a huge dirty stain on his pillow and my baby almost touched it while trying to reach his hair while he was asleep.

5. Nonchalant attitude
He shows no concern about maintaining the household and has never help in doing household chores or baby tasks like washing bottles. He doesn’t know what our baby eats or if the groceries are enough. If I send him to get fresh vegs/fruits for our baby, he tends to procrastinate and sometimes even snap at me when I remind him to do it. I always have to end up getting the groceries myself after work.

I’m really tired of living with such a man. I need a partner. We have almost zero communication now and every time I try to talk to him about my feelings, he just loses his temper and says I am always finding fault with him when all I ask for is some sense of maturity and responsibility in him.

Our flat is a BTO flat and has not reached 5 years yet. Can I ask if this will affect the divorce process?

Also, I’m worried about the implications on my daughter if she grows up without a father around. But I’m losing my sanity with each day and I’m afraid of her growing up in a toxic environment.
 

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Juz_mee

New Member
Hi there,

My hubby and I are going to file for a divorce.. we have a 16 months old son. While our situation is different.. I am also here to seek comfort.. :(
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
Hi there,

My hubby and I are going to file for a divorce.. we have a 16 months old son. While our situation is different.. I am also here to seek comfort.. :(
It’s really takes a lot of courage to file a divorce when your child is still so young
 
Hi all, I’m back again and I’ve given birth to a lovely dear girl who is 8 months old. I’m seriously considering a divorce as I can’t imagine living with my husband anymore. I’m both physically and mentally drained each day and I don’t feel any kind of concern or love from him at all.

1. Unstable income while Heavily in Debt
My husband is a grab driver while I’m self employed and he only goes to work as and when he feels up to it. He has a degenerative disc condition and has chronic back pain but refuse to seek therapy, home exercises or improve on his diet to lose weight. Very often, he is unable to earn enough to pay for his car rental and ends up borrowing money. He is also unable to contribute a fixed sum of income to the house and only gives me money when I ask for him to help pay for the bills or baby’s items.

Recently, he ended up owing 4-5K to the car rental company and on TOP of this, I found out that he still owes quite a lot of people money.

Despite him being heavily in debt with a baby to support, he doesn’t go to work regularly and always give the reason that his back hurts.

2. Behaviour at home
When he is home, he’s either sleeping (from morning till the next afternoon), taking naps or always on his phone playing games, watching FB or YouTube videos. He does not care if there is food on the table and only wakes up past lunchtime to eat the food I ordered.

3. Relationship w baby
My dear girl adores her dad and always flash the brightest smile at the sight of him. But he does not bath our baby or change her diapers and only interact with her at his convenience. Most of the time, he is on his phone while our girl plays by herself on the mat. He will only play or read to her after my repeated reauets

4. Personal hygiene
He tends to put off bathing and can go without bathing for more than a day. He doesn’t brush his teeth before bed and his bad breath is so strong that I can smell it just by being in the same room. This makes me very perplexed as our baby sleeps on our master bed so that I can latch her when she wakes up at night and goes back to sleep easier.

He snaps at me whenever I ask him to bath or brush his teeth. Today, I saw a huge dirty stain on his pillow and my baby almost touched it while trying to reach his hair while he was asleep.

5. Nonchalant attitude
He shows no concern about maintaining the household and has never help in doing household chores or baby tasks like washing bottles. He doesn’t know what our baby eats or if the groceries are enough. If I send him to get fresh vegs/fruits for our baby, he tends to procrastinate and sometimes even snap at me when I remind him to do it. I always have to end up getting the groceries myself after work.

I’m really tired of living with such a man. I need a partner. We have almost zero communication now and every time I try to talk to him about my feelings, he just loses his temper and says I am always finding fault with him when all I ask for is some sense of maturity and responsibility in him.

Our flat is a BTO flat and has not reached 5 years yet. Can I ask if this will affect the divorce process?

Also, I’m worried about the implications on my daughter if she grows up without a father around. But I’m losing my sanity with each day and I’m afraid of her growing up in a toxic environment.
I can feel your frustration by reading through the points you have stated. Hang in there and stay strong. It is a brave move to walk away from such a toxic environment. You need to be healthy in order for your daughter to grow up healthy.
While I can't help with the bto question... Sending you some strength to get over this. I've a toddler and I really can't imagine doing it all alone like you do.. you're already so strong.
 

nnylee

New Member
I’m also in the midst of a divorce and I’ve been unofficially separated for the last 1.5 years. Currently living with my 2 yo girl who’s my one and only reason to fight forward. I’m more than happy to lend a listening ear if you need. Hang in there!
 

Juz_mee

New Member
I’m also in the midst of a divorce and I’ve been unofficially separated for the last 1.5 years. Currently living with my 2 yo girl who’s my one and only reason to fight forward. I’m more than happy to lend a listening ear if you need. Hang in there!
Hihi, I’ll be Glad if I can reach out to u for some support... let me know how to contact u?
 

Eatingmealive

New Member
Sometimes when we have not been thru D we think it's quite simple as in we just continue with our life and the children we love. After D alot of things changes & we have to cope and do all the things on our own. Im always filled with anger when I'm left to face these challenges alone. So unless you are mentally strong it is not an easy road to take. On the other hand, if I don't D, there is no way I can ever forgive and there will be so much bitterness and unhappiness. End result will still be D.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
Hi all, I’m back again and I’ve given birth to a lovely dear girl who is 8 months old. I’m seriously considering a divorce as I can’t imagine living with my husband anymore. I’m both physically and mentally drained each day and I don’t feel any kind of concern or love from him at all.

1. Unstable income while Heavily in Debt
My husband is a grab driver while I’m self employed and he only goes to work as and when he feels up to it. He has a degenerative disc condition and has chronic back pain but refuse to seek therapy, home exercises or improve on his diet to lose weight. Very often, he is unable to earn enough to pay for his car rental and ends up borrowing money. He is also unable to contribute a fixed sum of income to the house and only gives me money when I ask for him to help pay for the bills or baby’s items.

Recently, he ended up owing 4-5K to the car rental company and on TOP of this, I found out that he still owes quite a lot of people money.

Despite him being heavily in debt with a baby to support, he doesn’t go to work regularly and always give the reason that his back hurts.

2. Behaviour at home
When he is home, he’s either sleeping (from morning till the next afternoon), taking naps or always on his phone playing games, watching FB or YouTube videos. He does not care if there is food on the table and only wakes up past lunchtime to eat the food I ordered.

3. Relationship w baby
My dear girl adores her dad and always flash the brightest smile at the sight of him. But he does not bath our baby or change her diapers and only interact with her at his convenience. Most of the time, he is on his phone while our girl plays by herself on the mat. He will only play or read to her after my repeated reauets

4. Personal hygiene
He tends to put off bathing and can go without bathing for more than a day. He doesn’t brush his teeth before bed and his bad breath is so strong that I can smell it just by being in the same room. This makes me very perplexed as our baby sleeps on our master bed so that I can latch her when she wakes up at night and goes back to sleep easier.

He snaps at me whenever I ask him to bath or brush his teeth. Today, I saw a huge dirty stain on his pillow and my baby almost touched it while trying to reach his hair while he was asleep.

5. Nonchalant attitude
He shows no concern about maintaining the household and has never help in doing household chores or baby tasks like washing bottles. He doesn’t know what our baby eats or if the groceries are enough. If I send him to get fresh vegs/fruits for our baby, he tends to procrastinate and sometimes even snap at me when I remind him to do it. I always have to end up getting the groceries myself after work.

I’m really tired of living with such a man. I need a partner. We have almost zero communication now and every time I try to talk to him about my feelings, he just loses his temper and says I am always finding fault with him when all I ask for is some sense of maturity and responsibility in him.

Our flat is a BTO flat and has not reached 5 years yet. Can I ask if this will affect the divorce process?

Also, I’m worried about the implications on my daughter if she grows up without a father around. But I’m losing my sanity with each day and I’m afraid of her growing up in a toxic environment.
A happy family needs love between both parent to sustain.

If u foresee Dv is inevitable down the road, it would b good to bite this bullet when the child is young. It will save u from lots of explaining while u are stressing thru the dv process.

Meanwhile, only take calculated step prior embark on dv path.

As for toxic environment to the kid; they are smart to differentiate between fake and genuine interaction betw parents.

Hence, it's u who will guide them to learn abt a complete family. A parent can be physically there for the kid but not emotionally available. So how? Toxic? Vice versa.

A complete a family means a complete environment that the kid don't need to seek emotional support from outside to fill the gap.

As long as you sustain an open conversation and accept the kid to visit/ask abt the father and not get sour over all these, the very attitude will positively contribute to a complete and loving environment..

As for the house and alimony, you should not go away empty handed. Seek professional advice.
 

pandakj

Active Member
Hi all, I’m back again and I’ve given birth to a lovely dear girl who is 8 months old. I’m seriously considering a divorce as I can’t imagine living with my husband anymore. I’m both physically and mentally drained each day and I don’t feel any kind of concern or love from him at all.

1. Unstable income while Heavily in Debt
My husband is a grab driver while I’m self employed and he only goes to work as and when he feels up to it. He has a degenerative disc condition and has chronic back pain but refuse to seek therapy, home exercises or improve on his diet to lose weight. Very often, he is unable to earn enough to pay for his car rental and ends up borrowing money. He is also unable to contribute a fixed sum of income to the house and only gives me money when I ask for him to help pay for the bills or baby’s items.

Recently, he ended up owing 4-5K to the car rental company and on TOP of this, I found out that he still owes quite a lot of people money.

Despite him being heavily in debt with a baby to support, he doesn’t go to work regularly and always give the reason that his back hurts.

2. Behaviour at home
When he is home, he’s either sleeping (from morning till the next afternoon), taking naps or always on his phone playing games, watching FB or YouTube videos. He does not care if there is food on the table and only wakes up past lunchtime to eat the food I ordered.

3. Relationship w baby
My dear girl adores her dad and always flash the brightest smile at the sight of him. But he does not bath our baby or change her diapers and only interact with her at his convenience. Most of the time, he is on his phone while our girl plays by herself on the mat. He will only play or read to her after my repeated reauets

4. Personal hygiene
He tends to put off bathing and can go without bathing for more than a day. He doesn’t brush his teeth before bed and his bad breath is so strong that I can smell it just by being in the same room. This makes me very perplexed as our baby sleeps on our master bed so that I can latch her when she wakes up at night and goes back to sleep easier.

He snaps at me whenever I ask him to bath or brush his teeth. Today, I saw a huge dirty stain on his pillow and my baby almost touched it while trying to reach his hair while he was asleep.

5. Nonchalant attitude
He shows no concern about maintaining the household and has never help in doing household chores or baby tasks like washing bottles. He doesn’t know what our baby eats or if the groceries are enough. If I send him to get fresh vegs/fruits for our baby, he tends to procrastinate and sometimes even snap at me when I remind him to do it. I always have to end up getting the groceries myself after work.

I’m really tired of living with such a man. I need a partner. We have almost zero communication now and every time I try to talk to him about my feelings, he just loses his temper and says I am always finding fault with him when all I ask for is some sense of maturity and responsibility in him.

Our flat is a BTO flat and has not reached 5 years yet. Can I ask if this will affect the divorce process?

Also, I’m worried about the implications on my daughter if she grows up without a father around. But I’m losing my sanity with each day and I’m afraid of her growing up in a toxic environment.
you deserve better if your side of story is exactly the situation... he sounds like a total loser and frankly disgusting... not even have basic hygiene...
 

Kx250f

New Member
you deserve better if your side of story is exactly the situation... he sounds like a total loser and frankly disgusting... not even have basic hygiene...
I have a wife similar to your husband. Watches Korean drama all the time. I have do everything except cook for which if I do, she will really have nothing to do at home. Anyway she cooks once week only, sometimes because she is working
 

LolaLiu

New Member
Hi, Hope18 any time you need you can rely on our forum. That's exactly the place where we support each other
 

Hope18

New Member
Hi @LolaLiu , thank you. I am currently going through this with my baby. I was D when baby is 8months old & been 4months since he left us. Everyday I ques myself if only I could have be better.... If only... Everyday I blame myself for everything, for not giving my daughter a complete happy family. I dont know how most of the mummies stay strong & focus while going through D. I think i am not putting in enough effort to push myself. haiz....
 
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Lostdad

Member
On the financial side, if you get a divorce before the 5years of a BTO is over, there will be cost issues. Of course you can go and seek your MP's help and all that, but seeing the property trend that BTO's usually are worth a bit more than buying price, my two cents is you wait it out for the 5 years. Than sell, take the money and move on with your life.

Best scenario is sell, than move in with your parents who should be able to shoulder the raising of the kid. Honestly from my experience, with raising kids...you need as much help as you can get,
 

desparate_wife

Active Member
Hi @LolaLiu , thank you. I am currently going through this with my baby. I was D when baby is 8months old & been 4months since he left us. Everyday I ques myself if only I could have be better.... If only... Everyday I blame myself for everything, for not giving my daughter a complete happy family. I dont know how most of the mummies stay strong & focus while going through D. I think i am not putting in enough effort to push myself. haiz....
what reason for divorce?

anyway get a peace of mind is better then any financial gain in the way.

better to let go then stay in a miserable marriage
 

Hope18

New Member
what reason for divorce?

anyway get a peace of mind is better then any financial gain in the way.

better to let go then stay in a miserable marriage
He wanted the divorce cause he no longer can stand my character etc. And to him I will never change. Practically blaming all on me. He said alot of painful hurtful things. And best part all this was said after I caught him leading a 2nd life & my parents saw him with someone else.

Through out the 1year 8months marriage he never discussed or shared with me the grievances he hold towards me. Or even seek professional help to work on our marriage. He made up his mind with the divorce & no interests in marriage course or getting back together.
 

Hope18

New Member
but you cant divorce if your marriage is less than 3 years unless in extreme hardship
Tbh: I dont even want to divorce but he choose all this. And I believe he will show all my unreasonable behaviour to ensure he gets a divorce. End of the day I am at fault for everything. I guess to him this is an extreme hardship. haiz.
 

desparate_wife

Active Member
dont think unreasonable behaviour can be use to get a divorce.
I would suggest you go maintenance mediation to get maintenance from him
 

Lostdad

Member
honestly he has a weak reason for a divorce, doesnt say much about his person. But enough of that, can you live your liife without him? maybe he's just not worth it
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
If your marriage is less than 3 years. Cannot direct divorce. He have to show to court that there is extreme hardship then will grant him to go for divorce. It’s seldom granted.
The real reason I think he has found someone new and wanted to be with that someone.

If this is so better to move on.
Get a separation deed with him and ask him to give you n kid more maintenance.
 

janey09

Active Member
Tbh: I dont even want to divorce but he choose all this. And I believe he will show all my unreasonable behaviour to ensure he gets a divorce. End of the day I am at fault for everything. I guess to him this is an extreme hardship. haiz.
no la not so easy to prove extreme hardship.
since he wan divorce and wan it fast, maybe can negotiate a better deal with him to protect you and kid.
 

Hope18

New Member
honestly he has a weak reason for a divorce, doesnt say much about his person. But enough of that, can you live your liife without him? maybe he's just not worth it
It is hard to live without him after going through everything. Throughout our marriage there’s emotional abusive & violence when we argue. He will use the messages of us arguing against me.And yes I believe he already found someone.
 

Hope18

New Member
no la not so easy to prove extreme hardship.
since he wan divorce and wan it fast, maybe can negotiate a better deal with him to protect you and kid.
I dont know what else to do. But we no longer in talking term. He is already put up the paper mid July & few weeks back he also force me to sign cancel our BTO which we supposed to collect it end of this year but due to covid it is push to early 2021.
 

Lostdad

Member
if he already put up the paper, than just sign. There is no point to hold him back if he wants to go, it will just hurt you and the kid. Forget it, move on and find happiness.
 

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