Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Xhahax, May 3, 2018.
Am currently gg through divorce bcuz of mother in law
Cant u work things out wif your DH?
Is that on impulse? Perhaps you want to share the reasons?
Hb have a very close rs w his mom. And my mil is v clingy type and super those manipulate type also. Everything also want to control.
Mil and i just really couldn’t get along and worse is hb always chose to side her when i talked the problems with him. I just wish he can “sided” me more and stand in my shoe too yet he find that i am the one being unreasonable.
We have been quarrel of this matter(me and mil stuff) alot times alrdy...
I am sorry to hear that, but not to sound unsympathetic, I m sure your hb has always been close 2 his mom even b4 u marry him.
Hence, just wondering if u shld consider all options b4 deciding on d final road of no return?
I'm in the similar situation as you, just that am the opposite sex. Probably may end up divorce, and all thanks to my PIL, especially my MIL...
My wife is the only child/daughter of them. Since young, they both doted her alot, and gave her the best they can. During our dating period, it was kind of tough for us, as they will set rules like, to be home by 11pm, and no overnight stay. Even when we go for holidays, max is only 3 days, and only once per year. However we still overcome it together and I gave in to her as I love her a lot too.
Before marriage, we have an agreement that to stay at her house for one year, before staying back at my own house. My parents left me few years before our marriage, and left the house for me. Anyway, I stayed at their house for 1 year, with many restrictions as well, but I'm in a way 'enduring' as I have hope that after the one year, things will be better when we moved back to my own house. Some restriction during the stay is like, no locking of room, even when we are sleeping. Have to let her daughter (my wife) be with them for some 'personal time' without me per week. Like Sunday, my wife will accompany them go marketing or shopping or what, without me joining them. I continued endure...
After the one year, we moved back to our own house. I thought things will be better but it's becoming worst. My MIL will pop by at times (without us knowing even). Be it day or night, and on any days. She have the keys to our house though as 'claimed' that she will come by to help us clean up the house when she's free. Even though I told her I can employ a maid or part time cleaner to do so, she does not allow, and said its a waste of money. Told me to save so that can give my wife a better life.
My MIL also like to pick on me, and often talk bad about me when with my wife. (Till now, Sunday is still 'their' personal time without me). My wife and I argue quite a lot about these at times. To be honest, though I dislike my MIL, but still I do my very best to make her happy. I treat her like my own mother as I lost mine already. But it just never satisfy her. Even during weekday (3 times per week), we still go to their house for dinner. We too like our personal time but we still made an effort to accompany them.
My wife will always stand by her parents side whenever I 'complained' about them, especially my MIL. She will always says that I'm being unreasonable... I understand she's the only child hence she's being filial to them, I also understand. But not to this kind of extend. Is really too much...
I don't know what to do already. These few days I've been thinking... Did I chose the wrong path? Should I just leave so that she can spend all her time with her parents? Sigh....
Weird ppl are weird simply because they are stubborn. Normal ppl adapt n improve. Stubborn ppl never improve but just get more n more stubborn.
Some ppl might say they will change for the better. But the reality is, a few months efforts is not going to eradicate decades of conditioning.
Therefore, life being short.. you are 20s only once, 30s only once, should life be abt babysitting a stubborn child, or abt seeking happiness?
Div in SG, has severe financial consequences. If this is not an issue, i see no point staying in an unhappy union. After div, if can still remain as companions, congrats. If things doesnt improve, u have the freedom to seek happiness. As u age, the financial consequence of a div grows. Thus, an early decision is paramount.
I am not promoting div. Just trying to say... happiness is grossly lacking in this society. Neighbouring countries are way happier than us. Its enlightening to understand why.
Div cos MIL...not worth it.. calm down n think over carefully. Dont let your emotions get over your head. Your are living in the Millennium century, you have education, money & freedom so why let a petty little mil make your life miserable. Walk away to the next room or hall if she's throwing a tantrums or excuse yourself and take a short walk down stairs.
When my mil is nagging and scolding, I sneak off and go to the garden with my kids. When she insist her way of taking care of my kids is right, i let her but when am back home, i'm free to do what i deem fit for my kids.
So, hold your temper and anger, will not do you good and also same applies when you are at work.
Basically the significant other is still a mummy's girl or mummy's boy even after marriage. Either too pampered in their comfort zone or refuse to comprehend the role as a wife/husband.
It's very difficult to live w ppl like this. There's always a third party opinion on everything.
Normally, no point protesting. Silence is golden.
Once tipping point is reached, just trashed it out w inlaw side. Tell them if they insist involvement, then they can hv their baby back to their side. Basically they want a baby sitter, not son/daughter inlaw.
I mean, baby sitter still get paid end of the day. But wat u get now is unappreciated attitude.
Everyone is striving for happiness. U don't deserve ppl to dampen your life. Jus sit them down and tel them deal or no deal. That's it!
Possible for u both to go marriage counselling together? It may help.
You know that his mom holds an important role in his heart. So don't pit yourself against her as this will be hurting to the relationship. If his mom really means well, she shouldn't encourage unhappiness between the 2 of u. You are his wife. This is detrimental to her son.
I'm delaying my marriage cause I know I'll have such MIL problems in future after marriage.
I have decided to hve a sit down talk with all of them before marriage. Else I'm not signing the ROM and we can just live our lives as gf and bf for eternity.
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